Showme Comics January, 1951

Showme Comics January, 1951 Showme Comics January, 1951 2008 1951/01 image/jpeg University of Missouri Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show195101

Showme Comics January, 1951; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1951

All blank pages have been eliminated.

Showme Comics January 1951 $00.25 Inside 36 Exotic Pages A Faucet Publication The Blue Shop Puckett's Campus Jewelers Central 2 letters Dear Editor: Mr. Fred White, an alumnus of the University of Missouri and a member of our firm, show- ed me a copy of your recent pub- lication Saturday Evening Pest. I thought the book was excellent and it provided me with a good hour's entertainment. Since my husband is an adver- tising man, and is now in Korea, I immediately thought of how much pleasure he would get out of it. Would it be possible to send me a copy and bill me here at the office? I would certainly appreciate any help you can give me in this matter. Mary Frances Maffei True Magazine We were hoping that the work we put into the issue would serve some useful purpose-Ed. Dear Editor: (SatEvePest) Shore would like to find out how to go about getting a year's subscription to your magazine. I'm enclosing an AirMail stamp so you can forward the dope right away and I can find out what happened to Dude in Bob Skole's story, continued. Don't know how your Novem- ber Issue strayed way out here in the Islands, but we sure en- joyed it. Sincerely, Kate Elizabeth Neely, YN3 USN Pearl Harbor, Hawaii Wal, shucks, gal, since the Pest is issued but once in thirty years, you all will just have to be satisfied with the Showme. For your benefit Bob Skole has end- ed the "Dude" as follows-Ed. "Yep," Dude said, as he calmly lit a cigarette. "Reckon so." "Oh, Dude," said Hope, throw- ing herself into his arms. Her weight caused him to lose his balance and holding her tight he toppled backward over the cliff. His voice drifted back. "Yep." THE END Dear Editor: I am a graduate student at the University of Iowa, working in Dramatic Arts, and I have read your magazine. Thus I am ac- quainted with your fine work in the field of college humor. Thus, I would like to subscribe for a year to your magazine. Besides, the one here at Iowa stinks. By the way, I figure I ought to get a discount or something for above blurb. Sincerely Jerry Tobias Iowa City, Iowa Jerry, as Workshop associates will know, is a grad of the Uni- versity. We gave him a discount by eliminating two magazines- Ed. Sudden Service Cleaners "I just can't study- thinking about my girl in her new sweater and skirt from Julies!" 3 Korn Krib Edgar's editor's ego With a feeble effort, the grey- haired editor raised his head and glared over the typewriter at his impudent staff. "There comes a time in every man's life," he cackled, "when one must forego stuff and things for finer stuff and things." "Yes, Hemingway, Faulkner, Lewis, Shulman," the staff chortled-happy in the thought that this was the last time they would have to say this. "In the past two years," snap- ped the editor, failing in an at- tempt to pat himself on the back, "I have written nigh to 60,000 words for this magazine. Not a bad record, don't you think?" "You even thought up a car- toon idea-once"-sweetly. "Well. I had stories publish- ed before I was editor, too." The editor jabbed one bony finger at the typewriter keys. "But there comes a time." The edi- tor sucked loudly on his tooth. One staff member stood up and jacked up his adams apple with some considerable effort. He said, "It's been fine.sir. working with you." Someone knocked a beer into his newly pleated hound's tooth. The editor tried to find the $ mark on the typewriter. "It has been most gratifying," he sniffed. Best damned magazine staff in in the country-he thought to himself. "But the finer things of life summon me. I must devote myself to the Elementary Ele- ments of Elementary Advertis- ing for Advertisers, a prerequi- site to Editing the Small Town Billboard Bulletin. He sighed. The staff sighed. The editor chuckled. "Has anyone seen my comic book?" With that statement the editor walked off the staff page-read- ing his Comic Book Issue! Staff Editor-in-chief Jerry Smith Associate Editors Herb Green Glenn Troelstrup Advertising Director Ed Overholser Photo Editor Tom Smith Publicity Directors Fred Seidner Marshall Seigel Art Editor Herb Knapp Exchange Secretary Mary Ann Dunn Business Manager Alan Ebner Business Secretary Shirley Davis Circulation Managers Homer Ball Dude Haley Dick Sedler Sales Manager Dick Rogers Secretary Mary Ann Fleming Proof Reader Mel Britt Art Staff: Pat Kilpatrick, Marilyn McLarty Photos: Gene Rapier 4 Advertising: Joy Kuyper, Carroll Sand, Rey Shannon Features: Don Dunn, Joe Gold, Jerry Litner, Fred Shapiro, Bob Skole Publicity: Coleman Breece, Phil Cohen, Jay Goldman, Doris Gordon, Lloyd Hellman, Judy Klawans, Joy Laws. Circulation: Bill Alexander, Bob Herman, Jerry James, Harold Wiley Missouri Showme Your campus humore magazine Contents Superlout Scores Again Another exciting chapter in the breathless story of that man of steel, tha superhuman being from an- other world-Superlout, By Joe Gold. -----------------14 Comic Strips O. K. Soaks-by Herb Knapp _- -------------- 16 Floozie--by Don Pengally ---_________________ 22 Little Orphan Fannie-by Pat Kilpatrick - --_-----17 Dick Racy-by Pat Kilpatrick ___----------------- 20 Emmy Lou-by Herb Green _____-------------- 21 Sheema, Queen of the Jungle-by Jack Eyler ------18 They Can't Take Me Glenn Troelstrup says goodbye to the old U. ______ 23 Dunn's Dungeon Don Dunn takes an intimate, and altogether sub- jective, view of the comic strip ads-in this case the horrors of Mr. Coffee Nerves ------___--------_--- 33 COVER BY HERB KNAPP Volume 27 January, 1951 Number 5 SHOWME is published nine times, September through May, during the college year by the Students of the University of Missouri. Office: 304 Read Hall, Columbia, Mo. All copyrights reserved. Unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Advertising rates furnished on request. National Advertis- ing Representative: W. B. Bradbury Co., 122 E. 42nd St., New York City. Printer: Modern Litho-Print Co., Jefferson City, Mo. Price: 25c a single copy; subscriptions by mail $3.00. Office hours: 1:30 to 3:30 p.m., Monday through Friday, 304 Read Hall. 5 THOUGH there is much indignation About the gore and pranks of crooks, Phi Beta Kappas in fascination Go on reading comic books. 6 around the columns Overheard A rather dejected veteran straggling across Blue Campus before the Christmas holidays. "Well, there's always one hope. Maybe after this war I'll be too old to fight the next one." Passing Thoughts We ran into the Vice-Presi- dent of the Student Government, Frank Sallee, the other day- scared us to death! Seems to us that nobody can lose in sports today; the guy that wins, wins-and the guy that loses wins a moral victory. The Reds have an applause system that we would use at Ti- ger games-all are ordered to applaud by the numbers. The Communists say Mark Twain's books are now outlaw- ed in the U.S.-they should take a look at some of our Lit Quizzes. Somebody finally invented a mechanical brain that thinks like an idiot-now the machine society is complete and ready for war. A "Letter to the Editor" com- plains about the number of syll- ables that Missourians put into words-another foreigner trying to play superior. GIs in Korea asked for beer so the Ohio W.C.T.U. is going to send fruit juices-another lemon. Here's a thought for future sailors-even the goldfish got seasick on a recent Atlantic trip. In a speech a spinster said that the idea of men being the sole support of a family is deplorable -We can't understand why she's a spinster. Doris Duke wants to raise per- fumed pigs-imagine she's going to sell manicured pigs feet, too. They've settled where the Re- publican party was born-and everybody knows where it died. Literary Effort As the Student reported some time ago ( most honestly) Show- me is very much behind the es- stablishment of a literary maga zine on the campus. Not, in any manner as a replacement for that -tch, tch; my, my; goodness gracious - "trashy" magazine Showme, but as an outlet for the creative efforts that are more on the "arty" side. We have been most fortunate in being a part of the campaign for this publication and, for the greater part, have found the idea well received on the part of the administration. Final word on the plan may appear before issuance of Showme. We hope it will be a favorable word. We will greet the magazine most enthusiastically-and then probably will begin an immedi- ate verbal feud with it. We can hardly wait. Jeeminy Christmas Was it a bright Christmas for you? It probably wasn't for many people with the Uncle Sam jitters. Imagine sitting around home during the holidays afraid to open Christmas cards for fear they would contain the wrong kind of "Greetings". Imagine walking down the main drag, losing some of those jitters in the never-too-bright displays of Christmas cheer, grinning at the straggly Santa Claus on the sidewalk, beginning to feel good when the never-old Christmas music begins sinking inside-and then seeing "GREET- INGS" in seventeen-inch letters in a store window. Imagine? Brrr-it's way past that stage. Cot A Cig? You just can't beat the tobacco moocher. We've tried and lost. as have innumerable others. But one fellow thought he had the specie whipped. To end the mooching of a bud- dy (?) he took a bit of tobacco, five rubber bands, eight match heads, two locks of finely clipped hair, a teaspoonful of lint, a dash of pencil sharpenings and the contents of one shotgun shell. He mixed thoroughly and pre- sented it to the moocher at the next visit. Two hours later the guy came back for a refill! After reading that, we're con- sidering our cigaretes with sus- picion lately. Public Survice- Those of you who left town for the Christmas holiday's weren't privileged to read the joke page that the Missourian ran for one day under the sponsorship of the Columbia Bus Co. This was the ultimate in quack advertising. It's so funny one can hardly help but feel sorry for the outfit. The NICKLE Ride is Back (terriffic, huh?) This was followed by: A new, exciting way to buy your weekly transportation needs. (Aren't you just thrilled to death with anticipations?) Then. A direct saving for your bud- get! (this line is meant for all morons in town who will read no further) Now we get the small type, as follows: You can ride for 5c IF you buy a 50c weekly pass. (this is a free translation, of course) After quickly passing over the small type we get the punch line: 8 The bothersome (get this) tokens have been eliminated. Isn't that just jim-dandy. Imagine, that nice company is going to save everyone a big batch of money-such a nice Christmas present; they're so kind. Of course, you have to ride the bus 15 times before you break even, and each time after that you save 3 1/3 cents. If you ride the bus 105 times a week you'll save $3. Why, gracious, we'll all be rich before we know it-all we have to do is buy a bus company and print funny ads for the people. Student Government When we were thanked last month for saying something nice about S.G.A. we looked hastily about to see if anybody was get- ting the idea we were looking for political patrronage or some- thing. The thanks were honest and we were honest in what we said. We've heard a lot of gripes about S.G.A.-we've let our own be known. But we've been look- ing around for a few months. Ever walk into the S.G.A. of- fice? Sometimes it's empty-ev- erybody has to go to classes. But walk into the hurricane when classes are out. S.G.A.?-a super social organ- izer, says one person. We know his association with S.G.A. has been at social affairs. S.G.A. doesn't do that; some people think S.G.A. is an unlimited au- tocracy. Herby We aren't about to preach the tale of sweat and tears; all we say is that when S.G.A. fails to do something that you think is right and proper, it may not be because they haven't tried. They have, do, and will continue to make mistakes and we (who never make mistakes) will con- tinue to jump down their throats for it. But we will try to remember that S.G.A. represents the stu- dents and they can do no more than we can do. Ed. Note-Please--we haven't taken up any party affiliation! Lifetime Quiz If the plan for giving college students tests to determine whether they study military tac- tics or bird calls becomes an ac- tuality it may be profitable for some. We can just see some of the old History and Principles of Jour- nalism sharpies dusting off the press, pulling out the type cases and selling quizzes in advance at a neat profit. Sometimes those sidelines prove valuable. But one thng is sure-it will be tougher than hell trying to get copies for the house files. Advertisers Maybe you've noticed that Showme isn't printing as many pages lately. We've had to cut down on some of our features and joke pages. It hasn't been a large cut-and we're still selling a larger magazine for 25c than the majority of college maga- zines in the country. The recent cut in size and fu- ture cuts, if any, come because we are losing advertisers. Re- cently we have found that ad- vertisers are dropping us because they feel that they don't need to advertise in Showme to get stu- dent business. We have pointed out the fact that we cover the three schools, selling 3,000 immediately on cam- pus, 300 to Stephens and 80 to Christian. One thousand go to the stores where they are pur- chased by students and towns- people. We have also pointed out that despite the great increase in printing costs, we have not rais- ed our ad prices. But we are losing advertisers. We would feel silly asking students to say "I read your ad- vertisement in Showme," when they go into a store; but we do appeal to you, the students. when you have a choice, to make your purchase in the places that advertise in Showme. If you want Showme to con- tinue to be the best magazine that we can give you, then help us to prove that advertisirig in Showme, if not a complete ne- cessity, is certainly an advan- tage. Without advertising we will have to do as the arabs. Sooo Long Sooo Long, How Long ya gon- na be gone? Like everything else Showme expects to be saying that to various staff members throughout this year when laughs will be even harder to find. Our first such statement goes to one of our top artists, Glenn Troelstrup, who followed the hypnotic finger of Uncle Sam into the Air Force. Our best wishes for Corporal success goes with Glenn and we wished he had stayed around long enough to do "Steve Canyon" for the Comic Book Issue. Savitalk For some strange reason or other someone completely ignor- ed our statement that Savitar is an ancient Tibetian word mean- ing "three dollars down" and asked us what the word actually meant. After insisting that we were absolutely correct-to no avail -we dug into our files and came up with this year-or-so-old piece of information which we now repeat for the benefit of newcomers. traced to 2000 B.C. by some en- terprising person who ran across the book buried in a mass of papers in the Dean of'Men's of- fice one day. The word, it seems, is from Vedic mythology (such as it may be) and is the name for a Sun God. Of course, nowadays, the mighty dollar has replaced all such gods and draw your own conclusion. ($3 down). It (i.e. the word) means quickener, impeller or enlivener. -OR. we are impelledto quick- en sales and enliven our bank account. ($3 down). Savitar, by the way, appeared in 1894-95 shortly after the great fire which (students) burned down what? It has never recovered from the blow. Three dollars down, please! Dorm-i-story We forgot to mention some- something about the new Dormi- tories last month. We forgot to mention the built-in orchestra. It only has one instrument (ban- jo or ukelele-who knows?) but innumerable vocalists. It gives forth with music most any time-and most any kind of music, as long as it's cowboy. It appears daily in just one dormi- tory-but it can be heard most anywhere. It's really nice if you have nothing to do but listen to it-and who has anything else to do, ha, ha, ha. Ah yes, Crowder Hall-it's still there; doin' its damnest, too. 9 candidly mizzou TOM SMITH THE K.C. tournament wasn't successful-as far as we were concerned-but the boys tried like hell. Number 22 is Buddy Heineman (who has a habit of draggin the big boys down to his size); the boys floating on air are Stauffer (43) and Landolt (25). 10 BURT McNEIL THE Lambda Chi's had a big formal and selected a queen. Reliable sources tell us that this isn't the queen; we're in- clined to agree-the feet's too big. AL PARO SOME Kappa Sig's suffer so much. Pity this poor guy who was firmly chained to the porch of the Chi Omega house. Watch-dogs aren't that expensive, are they TOM SMITH CHRISTIAN College, moving into its 100th Anniversary, had a big winter formal (just to prove that Stephen's doesn't have a corner n the market) and called it the Snow Ball. In this photo the orchestra leader is showing them how tall he would be with platform shoes. 11 TOM SMITH THIS canine has a wicked look in its eye. Some- body must have been putting on the dog-ha (ahem). This is probably the she-male the photo- of-the-month was looking for. BURT McNEIL HERE'S a nice photo of something-or-other going on at the Alpha Gamma Rho house. We are offering 27 of Herb Green's old cartoons for the correct rule to this game BURT McNEIL AH! Christmas! Wasn't it wonderful. TOM SMITH AS any fool can see, the Pi Phi's are having a wonderful time here. But we can just imagine what the girl behind the package is going to say to the girl holding the package when she sees her face obliterated! 12 photo of the month TOM SMITH LEADING a .dog's life wouldn't be so bad if a convertible came with the deal. We can't quite figure this fellow; either the gal didn't show up, or the fraternity refused to rush him. In either case we would gladly change places with him-car keys included. 13 Superlout Scores Again by Joe Gold THE noonday sun streamed into Superlout's X Ray eyes, and he awoke with a curse on his super lips. "Damn it to hell!" Superlout wasn't used to getting up so early, and his super brain was fogged, as he turned over on the couch looking for his girl friend, star re- porter for the Weakly Libel, Downthe Lane. Then he remembered. Even his morals were super. Last night, looped as he was, he had locked Down- the in her bedroom and slipped the key under the door to her. "Damn it to hell!" Superlout swore softly. His X Ray eyes probed the wall of Downthe's room. They lit up like a tilted slot machine. "Hot damn!", he grinned with a super smile flashing a super set of 64 teeth-four rows, one on top of the other. Superlout felt good. He leaped from the couch, beating his four foot wide chest, and shout- ing, "Up, up and away!" At the resounding crash Downthe opened her door with a pickaxe she had been saving for just such an occasion, and discovered Superlout with his head pushed through the ceiling and his super legs dangling over her head. Downthe's morals weren't super. They were- n't even average. She was mad at Superlout for locking her in, so she swung the pickaxe at Super- lout's super hind quarters. The weapon bounced off, imbedding itself in the woodwork along with a family of termites who had gotten there first. Disgusted, Downthe grabbed one of Superlout's size twenty-threes and yanked him back into her apartment. "Dahling," she whined, "must you be so im- petuous?" Superlout gazed at her from his Neanderthal face. With a sigh she hurled herself into his super arms and cooed, 'There's something I must tell you, Supe." "Sure, babe, sure," Superlout answered, drop- ping her on the floor. A thought had struck him. Superlout was ready to strike back. He had just remembered about The Black Hood. The Hood was running a bookie shop behind the local school- house and was fleecing the little tykes out of their milk money. This wasn't so bad, but it was taking business away from "Superlout's Casino for Kid- dies", a small fry gambling establishment which kept Superlout in new union suits and capes. Downthe smiled seductively at him and Super- lout took her in his arms, gave her the kiss she 14 was craving and left her gasping for breath on the couch. "Up, up and away!" he shouted, sailing through the gaping hole in the ceiling, knocking a few more feet of plaster down on Downthe, who didn't mind getting plastered. Superlout flew over the city of Messlopolis looking for some drunken bum he might roll for booze money. A pigeon flew over Superlout, and the hero's face turned white. "Damn it to hell," Superlout swore, clutching the bird, plucking its feathers, and cooking it on a convenient meteor. His breakfast finished, Su- perlout rocketed once around the world just for the hell of it, and settled down to the serious busi- ness of locating The Black Hood. Down swooped Superlout, but, overshooting his landing, he came to rest on the spire of one of Messlopolis' most modern schoolhouses. Below him a steady stream of children walked from the main building toward a tiny frame shack. Super- lout watched, absorbed. Suddenly his X Ray eyes filled with rage as he looked into the small shack and saw--The Black Hood! Prying himself loose from the steeple, to which he had become quite attached, Superlout bounced to the ground for a closer look. "Get in line, stupid," a freckle-faced little girl screamed. Superlout slunk over to the shade of a tall oak tree and watched the proceedings with an in- jured air. Slowly the children passed into the shack each grimy fist clutching the pennies their fathers had slaved to earn, and giving them to that heart- less fiend, The Hood. And they could have been spending it in "Superlout's Casino for Kiddies"! Superlout was angry. More than that; he was an- noyed. Quietly he walked to the end of the line to await his encounter with the villain. When an hour and a half had passed, and Superlout hadn't moved an inch, he began to grow suspicious. He tapped the shoulder of the tall youngster in front of him. "Hey, why aren't we moving?" The shape ahead didn't answer, and, on a closer inspection, Superlout found he had lined up behind the oak tree. "Damn X Ray vision," he muttered. "Can't tell a tree from a burlesque queen. Everything looks the same, when you can see through it." The bell ending recess had rung, and the way was now clear to The Hood's place of business. With a bold unflinching step Su- perlout walked toward it. Fling- ing the door open, he confronted the villain. "I am Superlout." All that could be seen of The Black Hood was a frightened pair of green and brown eyes (the left one was green). He was swathed in a black satin robe, which seemed to shiver slightly, as he faced his famous foe. He was scared. "So what?" The Hood asked, picking his nose. "Which horse do you want?" Superlout was furious. He grabbed The Hood by the neck, and took off through the roof in- to the blue sky, where the pig- eons were happily awaiting him. It wasn't often they got to prac- tice on a moving target. Wanting to be merciful and save time and trouble, Super- lout followed by the adoring flock of pigeons, carried The Hood to a small pool in the Car- ibbean. Superlout chuckled something about poetic justice as he deftly dropped The Hood into a school of man-eating fish, and flew away whistling "School Days." It was all over and Super- lout remained the sole exploiter of helpless little boys and girls. THE END KNIGHT'S DRUG SHOP PETERSON_ STUDIO 15 O.K. Soaks Little Orphan Fannie Sheema Queen of Rookee 19 DICK RACY THE DEFECTIVE 20 Emmy Lou 21 Floozie by Bung Yung 22 THEY CAN'T TAKE ME"... Glenn Troelstrup herewith offers his farewell to Mizzou - in the manner he knows best. We have responded in kind with our farewell to him. "Why don't you jack up the horn and run a new car under it?. 23 DON SMALL G-E STORE Fountain's Service Station H.R. Mueller Florist 24 Swami's Snorts They call them virgin pines be- cause they never been axed. "We'll have to rehearse that," said the underetaker as the coff- in fell out of the hearse. Probably the easiest way out of our financial difficulties would be to give the land back to the Indians and apologize for the condition it's in. She: Do you think you're San- ta Claus? He: No, why? She: Then leave my stocking alone. Diner (to headwaiter): By the way, did that fellow who took our order leave any family? It was prom time. Fifty couples were dancing to the strains of mad music. It began to rain. A hundred and fifty couples are dancing. What would this country be without women?-Stagnation. Swami's Snorts "Honey," she asked, "you don't mind if I wear velvet instead of silk, do you?" "No darling," he answered, "I will love you through thick or thin." "No, Miss Ragan, a necker- chief is not the head of a soror- ity." Three skunks went to church and they all sat in their own pew. When the collection basket came around, they each gave a scent. Columbus was the first Demo- crat because: He didn't know where he was going; he didn't know where he was when he got there; and he went on borrowed money. One car they're all dying to ride in is the hearse. Then there's the story of the laundry man who was struck by an automobile while crossing the street. He went down with flying collars. She: But, remember my mod- esty. He: Oh, yeah, remember? BARTH CLOTHING COMPANY, INC. Juke Club ERNIE'S STEAK HOUSE 25 filched Swami's Snorts Harold: Oh, my darling, I crave to hold you close, I crave to kiss to you, I crave to hug you. Joyce: Oh, a crave man! He: I'm tired of playing checkers. Haw: Sort of checkered bor- ed, huh? Then there was the meteorolo- gist who could look into a girl's eyes and tell weather. A college man is like a kero- sene lamp: not very bright, smokes, often goes out at night -and usually gets turned down. He called his sweetie "base- ball" because she wouldn't play without a diamond. A freshman is a person who thinks colleges are run for stu- dents. George: We certainly had a wonderful time last night for ten cents. Jean: Yeah, I wonder how little brother spent it. Some girls are like a zippered nightie: pull anything and it's all off. Quality Laundry The DRAFT Issue 27 Swami's Snorts Professor: "Here. catch hold of this wire." Student: I got it. What now?" Professor: "Feel anything?" Student: "No." Professor: "Well, then, don't touch the other one. It carries three thousand volts." Little Nicky, five years old, was walking down the street with little Joan, four. As they were about to cross the street, Nicky remembered his mother's teaching. "Let me hold your hand," he offered gallantly. "Okay," replied Joan, "but I want you to know you're play- ing with fire." "Where've you been, Bill?" "In the phone booth, talking to my girl, but dammit, some- one wanted to use the phone and we had to get out." Dinner Guest: "Will you pass the nuts, Professor?" Professor (absent-mindedly) "Yes, I suppose so, but I really should flunk them." She: "Do you love me?" He: "Yes." She: "Would you cry if I died?" He: "Yes." She: "Show me how much you would cry." He: "Die first." ** * Policeman (to pedestrian just struck by Columbia driver): "Did you get his number?" Victim: "No, but I'd recognize his laugh anywhere." * * Little Bobby tripped and fell on his face on the sidewalk. An elderly lady rushed over to help him to his feet. "Now little boy, you must be brave about this," she purred. "You mustn't cry." "Cry, schrmy," replied little Bobby. "I'm gonna sue hell out of somebody!" Tiger Club Betty: "He fascinated me and I kissed him." "Billie: "Yeah, I know. And then he began to unfascinate you, and you slapped him." The best way to drive a baby buggy is to tickle his little feet. She was only a gear-maker's daughter, but she could outstrip them all. Just because my eyes are red is no sign I'm drunk. For all you know, I may be a white rabbit. She may not be wanting to hurt your feelings as much as she wants to stop them. He kissed her on her rosy lips: How could he then but linger? But oh-when he carressed her hair, A cootie bit his finger. Co-ed: "I'll stand on my head or bust!" P.E. Instructor: "Just stand on your head. We don't expect too much." Headline Hash HE LOVES PEOPLE J. C. PENNY TELLS LOCAL RESIDENTS The local residents love pennies, too. THOUGHT ALLIES SCOTCH BUTCHER NORTH KOREANS Buddy, next time you get an F (or G, or H) in copyreading, take a look at this thing and try and reason it out! UP TO CONGRESS TO SAY HOW MUCH A GOAT SMELLS Some of this Republican re- form, no doubt. WASHINGTON DENIES HE WAS DRUNK Well, it was a cold night and a long trip across the Delaware. STEPHENS SHAPES NEW HONOR POLICY We have the strongest desire to place a semi-colon at the end of the first line. 'SEADY DATE' HUGH THOMPSON SCORES AGAIN IN GUILD RECITAL We wonder if Mr. Thompson and the Missourian made a trip to their respective lawyers. DORN-CLONEY the novus shop 29 The Pen Point 30 the Goldbrick By Joel J. Gold AH, SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE! Six pillars of stone Etched against the sky, You stand there alone; God knows why! Oh, ancient relics Of bygone beauty, I gaze and think, "Now ain't this fruity." While you stand there, stately Columns, I'll a question ask; As you shiver in the cold, Don't you wish you had a flask? When wintry blasts swirl through your ivy, And you're feeling far from swell, Don't you ever get to thinking, -"What the hell?" Six pillars of stone Etched against the sky, You stand there alone; God knows why! It's been proven: More doctors smoke Camels than vice versa. TONGUELASHING A PEEPING TOM Hey, you up there, standing on the ladder, What do you think you're doing? You're like a bull coming on the run, When he hears the heifers moo- ing. Get out of here and leave this place! Yes, go back to your dorm, And don't be so dad-blamed anx- ious To see a female form. Well, now he's gone, the fright- ened wretch, And from my wrath he shook; Now I shall climb his ladder, And have myself a look. * ** Guys who say, "I don't like dames. To me they're all spare tires." More often than not Turn out to be The biggest of the liars. * * * Psychiatrists say and rightly so, We should lose every inhibition; Do what we want and worry not: Chase women, or go fishin'. So this advice I took to heart, And now my head is swimmin'; While the others sit with baited hook, I, in vain, chase women. "She looks perfectly normal to me Mrs. Smith" "The dangers of college are many," Said unmarried Aunt Sue from Kilkenny. "Believe it or not, That's just where I got Da dum da da dum da da dum dum." (The censor, you know.) My eyes encountered four of her When I called on Bessie Rishun, 'Cause Bessie had two heads And I had double vision. "Well," said the janitor, watch- ing the building burning, "I guess I just lost my 'Head'." "George!" Susie Stephens screamed at him, "I fear you've ripped your pents. "I know, my dear," quoth George with vim, "I owe it to your fence!" I opened up the can of beer The explosion sent me reeling; Won't someone tell me how to get Beer stains off the ceiling? Columbia: Where the Hink and the coeds are ready, And the Columns speak only to pigeons, And the pigeons speak only to Freddie. Father and Mother have parted; I am the cause, 'tis said; Both of them wanted a baby, But they got me instead. The STEIN CLUB The Hathman House 31 KAMPUSTOWNE GROCERY 4300 32 She looked at me "Come hither- ly" From eyes that did entice; One look at her and I was sure, She wasn't very nice. .So I followed her. Wherefore art thou, Griese- dieck? Faltsaff, thou do lag. Schlitz! I am Pabst caring now; I'll have a glass of Stag. Her slap was hard; His face was not; But he deserved Just what he got. "I'm going to reform," she said, inserting the falsies. "Who threw the dungarees in the soup at dear old Crowder?' Nobody answered, so she shout- ed all the louder, "It's a low hillbilly trick, And I'll beat the Ozark hick, Who finally put some flavor in the chowder." THE END A maid in the land of Aloha Got caught in the coils of a Boa; Like arms the snake squeezed And the maid, not displeased, Cried, "Go on and do it Samoa." The girl who thinks no man is good enough for her may oft- en be right--but more often she is left. dunn's dungeon by don dunn THE SCENE is the Shack. The time is about nine-thirty on the cold night of December 19. 1950. A SHOWME staff meeting is in progress. "Dunn!" screams the editor. "Wake up!" I leap to my feet, rubbing the sleepy-dust from my eyes, sa- laam three times, kiss him light- ly on the forehead and cheeks, grip his hand in the old frater- nal shake and snap to attention. "Yes, sir," I blurt. "Did you want me?" He wipes his face and hand in evident distaste and looks at me coldly. "Dunn," he says finally, "where's your column?" "Column?" I wonder. "The Dungeon, stupid! Where is it?" "For when?" I ask. "For the next issue, of course, you dope!" His voice is not pleas- ant. "But," says I, "I haven't done a Dungeon for months. First, the Aniversary Issue had all that old stuff in it; then, I did a story for the Pest Issue; and last time you used a Christmas story for the Holiday Issue. I don't think I could write a Dungeon anymore The editor sticks a warty fing- er under my nose. "Now, look, Dunn," he says. "You're a col- umnist-and I want a column. No story, no article, no nothing except a column! Give me one- or else-" He leaves the sentence unfin- ished, but I'm already imagining the University holding up my credits or maybe Dorn-Cloney tearing off the buttons of my shirts. The editor can do that. He's got power. "But-" I protest, "I don't have any ideas!" "You can get ideas," he cracks "I don't care what you do; just get me a column for the Comic Book issue or-" "Hey, wait a minute," I say. "The Comic Book Issue? Why, Hope and Benny have done enough comic book gags to fill all the holes on the White Cam- pus. I can steal- (that's such an ugly word but it's true)-a few ideas and write a column in no time." "And that," snaps ye ed, "is just what we got-no time! I got to have that column right away -before the holidays end!" "But I was going to rest over the vacation," I blubber. "Dunn," he says, "either you write a column or I run a blank page and put in the middle SUSIE STEPHENS By herb green "Most wonderful Christmas present-Looks like a radio on the outside, then you push a botton and." 33 Shaw & Sons Music Company The Showme Queen Contest! 34 'Dunn was too lazy to write any- thing this month'." "That would probably get more laughs than my column," I mutter. The editor smashes a Stag bottle against the table and waves the jagged edges toward my face. "No funny stuff," he says. "Do I get the column?" "Yes," I mumble as I go for the door. Then, as I swing it open I can't resist. "Hey," I say, turning, "you don't really need my column, you know." "No?" says ye ed with a very questioning sneer. "And why not?" "Well," I answer as I try to keep from doubling up with laughter "after all-there's six columns in front of Jesse!" The room is noisy like a fu- neral parlor. "Get it?" I chortle, Six columns in front-" The ber bottles smash all about me.I jump back through the door. "All right All right!" I yell, "You'll get your column! Stop throwing! You'll get it!" One of the biggest kicks I get from the funny pages are those comic-strip ads they run every now and then. For instance, I saw one for a certain well- known coffee (which, because we can't use the actual brand name, we'll call-uh-how about-er Sanka? That's a good fictitious name no one would ever think of. Who would imagine such a name as Sanka Coffee? Sounds ridiculous. Anyway this strip started off with a picture of this guy and doll eating dinner at some friends' house. The doll is drinking a cup of coffee which we know is an inferior brand. This is made very plain by a subtle remark the dame says at home to her husband in the next picture. "Tom" she says, "didn't their coffee stink?" Tom agrees as they get ready for bed. The dame puts on a negligee like Elizabeth Taylor never got a chance to wear and pops into bed. Tom, for propriety sleeps in a twin bed across the room. In the next picture, what do we see but a tall green man coming through the window by the dame's bed. On his chest is a big red sign that says "Mr. Coffee Nerves." From the way he looks at the dame lying in the bed, he's obviously got more on his mind than coffee. So, in the next picture, this green guy is perched on the dame's bed, hitting her head with a baseball bat. "Ohh, Tom," she whines, "I just can't sleep tonight. What's wrong with me?" So now Tom looks at her. He says, "Gee, honey, it must have been that coffee you drank." What a dope. Here's another guy in bed with his wife and he says "It must have been that coffee." Why the hell doesn't he yell, "No wonder you can't sleep! There's a big green man hitting your head with a bat!" Oh, no, that would be too easy. Well, Tom goes back to sleep and Mr. Coffee Nerves moves in on the doll going "Heh, heh, heh!" What fun! And now it's the next morning. The doll is talking to a doctor. This is unusual. Most such inci- dents would be reported to the cops. Guess she wants to keep it quiet. So, she apparently told the doctor she's been un- faithful to her husband with a green man. The doctor, in re- turn, apparently thinks she's nuts. He tells her to get a cup of coffee (Sanka, of course) and forget it. So, in the last picture, the doll is back in bed and she is saying "Boy, that wonderful Sanka cof- fee! I had fourteen cups and I still feel like I'll be able to sleep all night long." The only trouble is that this coffee has not only giv- en her the ability to sleep, but it seems to have added a new sparkle to her eyes, given her extra strength, made her hair lovely and her figure beautiful and even made the negligee thin- ner than before. And now it's obvious that she's not going to get much sleep to- night either. Sanka or not! BRADY'S RADIO ELECTRIC Frozen Gold Cream of Creams 35 Showme Contributors' Page Mary Ann Fleming PHOTO BY TOM SMITH Once a month the Showme of- fice in 304 Read Hall is a scene of utter confusion. The place is filled with envelopes, stamps. magazines, letters and huge cardboard boxes. Presiding over the conglomeration, which really isn't confusion after all, is Mary Ann Fleming, our secretary in command. This year Mary Ann stepped into the frustrating secretarial job which requires keeping track of all of our mail subscriptions. It may sound like an easy job- but when the igerant editor drops a letter request for a sub- cription into the mail-out enve- lope in the Showme office and then throws away the envelope with the return address, things suddenly become difficult. Mary Ann is 19, an Education junior from Maplewood, Mo. and a member of Gamma Phi Beta. social soroity where she is Vice- president and social chairman. She is also a member of the Fu- ture Teachers of America, the Homecoming Committee (S.G.- A.), and the Alumni Registra- tion Committee. She would like very much to land a good teach- ing job in the 5th or 6th grades when she graduates-a nicer thing couldn't happen to a 5th or 6th grade. 36 Marilyn McLarty "Gee, I'm sorry," said the edi- tor. "They're very nice cartoons . . funny, too. huh . but you see, we have an unusually ex- cellent art staff. er. and it's very difficult to break into the cartooning on Showme . uh- emph-aham!" "Humph," said Marilyn Mc- Larty, depositing her cartoons in her notebook. Then she went home and slaved over more car- toons. So one day, after rejecting five or six cartoons, the editor sug- gested that Marilyn try drawing spot-cartoons, the little drawings that serve so nicely to break up long columns of type. Marilyn tried so successfully that she's been at it ever since. Doing spots isn't the biggest job on the art staff, but it's mighty important come time to make up the magazine. Marilyn is 21, a member of Chi Omega social sorority, a se- nior in Art from Columbia, a member of the Women's Athletic Association, Read Hall Recrea- tion Committee, P.E.O. and is very much engaged (we hear tell). Marilyn has done some nice work in oils and would like to continue painting after grad- uation (in conjunction with be- ing a housewife). Joey Bellows In the midst of the Showme of- fice monthly mess( described in Mary Ann Fleming's write-up) you can usually find Joey Bel- lows climbing through the mountain of magazines with ut- ter determination. Joey joined the Showme staff this semester and is the number two gal on the secretarial staff-of two girls. Perhaps the greatest address faux-pas of the century came about after the address of a sol- dier in Korea was filed in the waste-basket. After some delib- eration it was decided that we would just send magazines to the soldier in care of Iwon (per- haps) Korea. Luckily, the soldier wrote us before any magazines were sent and there was some hysteria in the secretarial ranks when the address was checked and it turn- ed out to be one of these eight- line jobs-serial number, rank, platoon, company, battalion unit, army, post office, area, etc. Joey is 19, a junior in Educa- tion, from Maplewood, a member of Gamma Phi Beta, Savitar staff, Sigma Epsilon Sigma, Fu- ture Teachers of America, S.G.- A. and would like to teach 5th grade in Hawaii or South Amer- ica-Saludas Amigos. PHOTO BY TOM SMITH Harzfeld's Camel