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Missouri Showme November, 1931; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1931

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Missouri Showme 15 cents Football Number Chesterfield Cigarettes THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Three T he passing years can never dim your fame; I t shines untarnished on the battle-field, G iving the men who rally round your name E ver the signal, "Forward-never yield!" R egal and mighty, sportsmanlike and true, T igers, the standard that your hands uphold. E ach hope of ours is linked with pride in you, A nd consecrates the valiant soul of old M izzou ! Page Four THE MISSOURI SHOWME CO-OP Missouri Utilities Missouri Flower Shop Julian: See that woman? She knows about ev- ery joint in town. Freda: How stunning! She doesn't look dis- sipated. Julian: Oh, no. She's a chiropractor. Imagine the embarrassment of the young duck- ling when he discovered that his first pants were down. "My best hen simply laid herself to death." "Died from ova-work, you might say." College men out for freshman sports are ex- posed to the danger of athlete's foot. We wonder if they have any immunity against athlete's brain. Stewed (to waitress): "Shay, have you any sug- geshuns for breakfast for a man in my condishun ?" Waitress: "Yes, sir, we have stewed prunes, pickled salmon, and a plate with a bun on." He: Say, Amy, did you get your bust notice yet? She: Don't you be so fresh. -Cornell Widow VANITY FAIR Cleaners THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Five MILLER'S AN EX-LINE PLUNGER BECOMES A COMMUTER THE VARSITY GIRL Boy! how she hollers and shouts, For the men who fight for glory; She doesn't know player from ball, But who cares about that story? She waives her arms all about, Her face-a smiling beam, Of her success there is no doubt, I think she'll make the team. -John Redmond THE OPTIMIST The best sample of the courage of one's convic- tions was shown by a young bride who recently re- turned from her honeymoon and immediately ap- plied for membership in the Parent-Teachers Associa- tion of the school in her neighborhood. The Wheel Cafe Boone County National Bank Page Six THE MISSOURI SHOWME When there is work to do, a man talks about women. When there is no man to work, a woman talks about how men talk about women. -Exchange "Those must be pretty fancy pink undies you have under that frock?" "Wrong again, brother; that's sunburn." -Ala. Rammer-Jammer Chi: Can you get me a date with a good girl? Phi: Well I can get you a good date. -Penn State Froth "You say you go to school for chorus girls? Why, what do they teach you?" "Rhythm and Writhin'." -Temple Owl Society item: Teddy and Fanny are usually to- gether. Explanation: No, dear. A singlette is not one of triplets. Its something else. WHAT BIG EYES YOU GOT One of the old things that still is good, even in these modern days, is the alibi offered by Little Red Riding Hood. VICIOUS CIRCLE (Counter-clock-wise) Time-vacation; A flirtation, Dissipation. Hesitation- Separation, Approbation, Emancipation, Declamation. Court Probation, Great elation! Situation! Preparation, Information, Conjugation, Accusation, Celebration, Indignation, New relation! Tribulation, Argumentation, AN ODE TO ONE WHO WAS STOOD UP And if he calls again, The great big bore, I curse at all men forevermore, I wonder then if I'll be the fool? I was before. -John Redmond HOW THE BOYS WILL HOLD THAT LINE! Drawn by C. Beck-Courtesy Ski-U-Mah. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Seven NEW CHEVROLET SIX The New Missouri "Showme" VOL. III. NOVEMBER 10, 1931 NO. 3 Godfather O. O. MCINTYRE Editor-in-chief HAROLD (ABIE) ELFENBEIN Associate Editor, John Redmond Feature Editor, Ben Stone Editorial Board: J. D. White Maxine Bickley Harold V. Clark Art Edi'or, Herb Roush Margaret Holt Humor Editor, Dorothea Pickett R. B. Lovett Sam Brown Sidney O. Shapiro Poetry Editor, Betsy Holt Kathryn Bayne D. Rendler Editorial Staff: Hertha Luckhart, Shirley Ann Brown, Cleve Kern- Marice Shadle, Grant An- derson, Oscar Korbholz Office Clerk, Guy Cooper Contributors to this number are: Helen Eastes Young, Lovan R. Hall, Charles T. Butler, and David (Caps) Paisley. Business Manager GENE W. MOORE Advertising Mgr. Robert Race Jane Lindsey Edith Wells Sally Levin John Slagle Circulation Mgr., W. O. McIntire Martha Davis Lolita Brown Caroline Stephenson Marion Kiser Emma B. Offutt Jerry Mills Jane McLeod Elliott Boren Public Relations ....Pat Merritt Copyright, 1931 by Missouri Chapter of Sigma Delta Chi. Ex- clusive reprint rights granted to College Humor. Published by Sigma Delta Chi as the Official Humor and Literary Publication of the University of Missouri. Address all communications to THE MISSOURI SHOWME, care Herald-Statesman Bldg., Co- lumbia, Missouri. And what did you say your name was? THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nine The Showme Show WE FIND on file this ques- tion for the month: whyin- ell doesn't the Hall Theater have the pigeons removed from the front of their building? If it hap- pens again we are going to present them with a hat-cleaning bill .... Don't the Gamma Phi Betas wear nice looking pajamas? T'sk, now, we know what you're thinking, you sneak, you! But ... you're wrong, cause we saw them when they came out on their roof to hear us sing ... And that gong upstairs in the Beta house, just why is it there? Is it that the Zetas are seldom absent minded, or are there certain ones ?.. QUICK, Henry, The Flit! . . . What was the occasion for the Sig Alphs driving round the Kappa yard late at nite in an auto- mobile recently? . . . Sally Levin's new name "Witch" ... so we have more advertising endorsers on our campus .. . Would you ever dream of this: one of our polo players, while attending a party given in honor of the team while playing the St. Louis Country Club, squirted gin into the lap of a heiress to quite a bit of mazuma. And did she re- turn it? . . . well, yes . .. GUESS Hal Foster will never get out of school. We've been hoping to miss him for a long time .. . And Freddie Horn, we know you are an engineer, so leave your green shirt at home til St. Pat's, puleez! . . . Just because Gail Allee didn't like their singing was no rea- son to throw a bucket of water on the songsters . . . Or was it? .. . Milam's "Boilermakers" just can't be toned down it seems . . oh, well, we must have some big noises on our campus ... D O THE Pi Phi jellies have a mortgage on that corner booth or is it just that old habit of "we girls stick together?" . .. The Zebes were certainly fixed up nicely this election. Perhaps their caucus feared losing them . . . Von Allen Carlisle is still our favorite tin sold- ier . . . Clarence Rehagen sure keeps that white sweater spotless .. how does he do it in the Engine School with all its dirt? . . . MARY HALEY is reported as having gone to her English class in Mumford recently but found an apple exhibit there in its place ... so plucking, (nonchalant- ly) from among the potential prize winning specimens, a good sized IN answer to the requests we have received from those who were unable to secure copies of our Freshman Number in which Mr. O. O. McIntyre's picture appeared, we are again publishing it in this number,-this time with an ex- clusive article from him. The pic- ture and article appear on page 13. AND again we are getting more tips as well as inquiries con- cerning THE OBSERVANT MULE. He knows all and sees all, although we are unable to pub- lish all that he does know. Next month THE OBSERVANT MULE will work in cooperation with THE OBSERVATION POST, and with these two great mystic powers combined the cam- pus should beware! !-(Be where they can't find you). WE deeply regret that we were unable to list all those entitled to places upon the M.U. JELLY TEAM but your name might be there . . . turn to page 11 and see. apple, she wheeled around and proc- eeded to munch as she sauntered homeward. . . you, know, Mary, an apple a day . . . LUCILLE FOUNTAIN and Betty Palmer might explain just what they were doing under the steps of Jesse Hall late one night not so long ago. Did they really hope to find some stencils, or the like? . . . Well, maybe they'd rather not tell . . . And again our boy of injunction fame breaks into the news.. .. Power to yuh ... Vir- ginia, you'd better tell Martha Kok- en how to vote on the spring elec- tions. Apparently she didn't know this last time . . . Kappas still flock to their old favorite haunt instead of moving to our more recent new ones . .. what's the attraction? HARD times turned into good times-so it seems at the Kap- pa Sig Hard Times party . . . the best they've given in years . . . The Lawrence Bros. and the Mann Bros. were a sight for sore eyes ... Who wore that plain ole gunny sack? . . Dunwoody and Shoebock looked right at home in their out- fits and did Ed Smith have himself a time? We ask? BARNWARMIN' bigger 'n bet- ter'n ever before . . even tho the Queen almost broke an ankle coming down the chute .. . Kermit Moore was seen asking Jack Hacke- thorn to leave. Was that nice? .. . And the next war looks as tho it will be between the Betas and the Pi K A's as a result of a shaving affair following the Tomb and Key initiation . . . We understand it all started over that old, old song... sorry for Hoax's hair and for what might follow if the two organiza- tions tie-up some dark night . . . We will stay at home that night! N EYE for an eye is O. K. but not for the D. U.'s ... who is it over there that has the six-power binoculars? Watch out you Phi Mu's . . . The boys who park at the old hotel on upper Stewart Road still have their private parties after all others are over . . and they get good dates, too... EXT MONTH we scoop around for the INSIDE or backstage chatter and activities of the Journalism Show . . . see you then, THE OBSERVANT MULE. Page Ten THE MISSOURI SHOWME WE SELECT AS CAMPUS PERSONALITIES FOR THE MONTH Dorothy Andris-Phi Mu, whose real first name is Susan; because she was President of W.S.G.A. last year; who is a member of Mortar Board and is the Captain of the Varsity Women's Debate team; and because she won the Pan- Hellenic Scholarship Cup her first year here. A lady who has a perfect poker face and comes from Kansas. Harriet Shellenberger Harriet Shellenberger--because she is the president of Delta Delta Delta, her sorority, of the Women's Pan-Hellenic, of the Fine Arts School, and of Work- shop; who is a member of Mortar Board, Purple Mask, and W.S.G.A.; who was Art Editor of the last Savitar; and be- cause she is much admired by all who are fortunate enough to know her. Harold Cline Dorothy Andris Harold Cline-who is the local head of a good fraternity; who ranks third scholastically among the men in the sen- ior class, is practically assured of Phi Beta Kappa honors, and is one of the five candidates for the Rhodes Scholar- ship awarded Missouri this year; and be- cause he is our newly elected President of the College of Arts and Science. He is well liked by those who know him. Fraternity, Phi Delta Theta. Betty Trimble-who is the Secretary- treasurer of the Student Government As- sociation; because she was President of the Junior League of Women Voters of the University last year, and who is now the President of the Missouri College League of Women Voters; who is a guid- ing hand in the affairs of Kappa Kappa Gamma; and because she always greets you cheerfully. And-she is one of the best dancers on the campus. Gene Ensminger Gene Ensminger-who has a Master's degree in Agriculture; who is a member of Alpha Gamma Sigma social fraternity, Alpha Zeta scholastic fraternity, and also Lambda Gamma Delta, National honorary judging fraternity; because he is in on practically everything of any im- portance in the Ag school; and because he has been an instructor in his chosen field. A man who really does well in his chosen line. Betty Trimble THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Eleven Jelly TEAM Name Helen Vaughn Jo College Lucille Newcomer** Elbert Smith Helen Duncan Jimmie Zinn Kay Bowman Tom Francis Franny Taylor Bob Jacobs Lillian Jones Stan Cox Barbara Burton Carl Yeckel Betty McLaughlin Joseph Bryan Mary Butterfield Billy Maughs Dorothy Andris Johnny Helmers Melba Caldwell Pete Whelling Marie Rogers Anon. Ida Lee Cannon** Wally LaRue Anybody Harry Mantz By My Self Dorothy Lee Bird Position L. End L. End L. Tackle L. Tackle L. Guard L. Guard Center Center R. Guard R. Guard R. Tackle R. Tackle R. End R. End L. Half L. Half R. Half R. Half Fullback Fullback Quarterback Quarterback Way Back Way Back Leftout Leftout Toolate Toolate Outlate Outlate House Sex Appeal Tri Delt I Beta Dolla Kappa Alpha Theta Phi Gam Kappa Kappa Gamma Beta Pi Beta Phi Sgma Chi Pi Beta Phi Kappa Sig Kappa Kappa Gamma Beta Delta Gamma Beta Tri Delt Delta Sigma Phi Kappa Alpha Theta K. A. Phi Mu S. A. E. Alpha Chi Omega Pi Kappa Alpha Chi Omega I Soppa A Towell Alpha Phi Triangle Zip A Zup A Zup Phi Delta Theta Rho Damit Rho Gamma Phi Beta CHEER LEADERS-Kay Collister, Phi Mu; James McKay, Sig Ep; Ruth Vincent, Pi Phi. COACHES-Fern Spolander, Delta Gamma; Bob Sprinkle, Sigma Nu. WATER BOY-Stinky Davis, Lambda Chi. TRAINERS-Faron Owens, Delta Gamma; Bill Powell, Phi Gam. MASCOT-Roy Schumacher, Alpha Sigma Phi. IN-ACTIVE CAPTAIN-W. Robbins, Farm House. **Lucille Newcomer, Co-captain; Ida Lee Cannon, Captain-elect. *Approximate weights. Page Twelve THE MISSOURI SHOWME Judge: That stuff tastes like kerosene. Soph: Sure, It's supposed to get you lit! If a Missouri frosh is known as a Tiger cub, would an Oklahoma yearling be a little Sooner? WHAT'S IN A NAME Stranger (in Harlem): "Sam, what's that pica- ninny's name?" Sam: "Why, we calls him Diploma, suh." Stranger: "How come Diploma?" Sam: "Well, it's what Liza done brought home from college." Willy: There are many chiropodist's providers these days. Nilly: What's that? Willy: Men who make'm walk home, The evils of Proms are only too evident. George Washington was an inveterate dancer, and became the Father of his Country. Eb: "He sho was lucky at craps las' night." Ony: "'Yassuh, dat's a case of snap judgment, I guess." AND CLOSE THEM TOO Jim: Are you going out on a blind date again? John: No, this is one that will open my eyes. Bearded Lady: So you are in love with the Strong Man. Tatooed Miss: Yes, he has quite a hold on me. PROBABLY NOT Betty: That man deals in red flannel underwear! Co-ed: Well, he has nothing on me! Girl basket ball coach: "'You say she weighs exactly 108 pounds. Stripped, eh?" Scout: "I dunno, I was watching the scales !" POET'S VERSION OF THE GAME 'Zwounds.' Yea verily, 'tis falsely told Music hath charm to calm beasts bold When clarion notes of "Dixie" soar One hears the striped Tiger roar And sees him leap from out his lair In mortal combat fill the air With flying turf and strands of hair And when the grisly deed is done The last down made, the last yard run Then he looks on the scene of gore: And licks his chops and growls for more -Shirley Ann Brown DAZE ELEGY The referee toots the whistle of starting play, The towering guard steps heavily o'er me, The fullback goalward plows his wary way, And leaves the world to darkness for me. --S. O. S. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Thirteen A Message From Our Godfather... MR. O. O. McINTYRE THE MISSOURI SHOWME is proud to have the privilege of publishing this exclusive message from Mr. O. O. McIntyre to the alumni, students, and friends of the University of Missouri. We are very sorry that Mr. McIntyre, who is a native Mis- sourian, was unable to return to Missouri to enjoy this Homecoming with us. "I am not, unhappily, an alumnus of Missouri Uni- versity, but if I were, I feel certain that as this is writ- ten I would be preparing to return for the homecoming. "Every Missourian should return to his state at least once a year without such an especial lure as the big football game. Missouri is at its loveliest in late Aut- umn. "There is about the dying splendor of such days a rich pulse . . .a brooding promise that something superior is guiding the destinies. And in the vast pandemonium now sweeping a world in chaos, we need the renewal of a sturdier faith. "Nothing will do this like a trip back to the old 'Show Me State'. Too, when successful men leave their desks to come back to a college campus, it implies a profound humility that the world needs more today than ever before." Page Fourteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME A Prophecy From an Old Blade (Take a deep breath before reading.-Editor's Note) If there's anything that'll getcha nowhere in less time why its a college education for its the nerts, s'help me because I've gone through it and know what its all about and feel qualified to discourse on this matter since I spent five good years in one of the most prominent so-called "Halls of Learning" and let me tell you it was great while it lasted . . . but it last- ed too long, s'help me if I'm not right but I really shouldn't talk all about myself since you are already bored and I certainly don't blame you for I would feel the same way toward you if you were writing this about yourself so everything is oke, s'help me if that isn't right... (inhale again) In the first place the average person who goes to college does not know how to study and after all that's the prime reason he came to college for-but what of it, if I'm not right, s'help me and in the second place students bull too much . . . I don't like to beat about the bush about what I want to say so pardon me when I seem a bit too outspoken since I like to straightforward (inhale again) . . . my policy has always been to confess ignorance about a subject because it saves embarrassment in the end so when you are given a question on a quiz don't try to fill three pages by saying things that distinctly general for the profs will soon get wise, maybe . . . so if the matter is foreign say it's foreign . . . sometimes it might even be foreign and your frankness will be re- warded . .. so all in all foreigners shouldn't be ridicul- ed because some of our biggest men have been foreign- ers. (Prepare for another deep plunge) In the third and last place there is this to consider and it is of the foremost importance for it's about dat- ing which is perhaps the most difficult thing about college . . . my policy on this is never date the same girl twice for by doing this you are. apt to fall in love and then you have started something . . . wait at least three hours before you want the date and then call her for this will give her three hours to tell everyone she is going out for the second time this month . . . (inhale here) . .when you call her don't act as if she is the idol of your eyes because she will very often dis- appoint you and how, s'help me ... and when you have left her room or front door step-if you are lucky enough to find a girl with a door step-why then ask her just where she thinks she's going . . . this'll knock them gaga and gaga is a legitimate word, s'help me ... if she says its up to you why tell them you thought so but you just wanted to know who was boss around here and s'help me if that won't knock them gaga also .. . and after the show it's customary to go some place for a coke or a glass of beer and you can generally knock them cold by ordering a malted milk or a bowl of chili when all they have ordered is a 5c coke . . the idea here is to keep them guessing all the time and when you have this you've got 'em where you want 'em whether you want 'em or not . . . after you drinks ask her if there's anything else she would like to go or anyplace she wants to do . . . tell her the evening is yet young but she's not so young as all that herself ... this'll knock her gaga again or else I'm wrong s'help me . . . and finally when you have taken her home don't say anything about don't say anything about call- ing again because it is understood that it's out of the question for she has had her moments with you, such as they were, so tell her goodbye, but not good night. (Final Pause) all of the above material is based upon one's experiences who has gone through the mill, if I may call college a mill, which is taking a lot of lib- erties to say the least which I feel free at any time to take. If there is any doubt about my sanity or sin- cerity, you may write my alma mater, and they will tell you what a man I was when I graced their campus and disgraced their name. I was one great success, s'help me. -Oscar Korbholz. QUITE CONTRARY, MARY Mary had a little flame, Who filled her life with woe; For everywhere that Mary went The sap was sure to go. He followed her to school, they say, And still his love she spurned. One day he made the football team, And how the tables turned ! -H. D. L. He crossed the goal mid shouts and cheers, His face alight with joy. The hero of the game? Well, no . . . He was the water-boy! LEAVE IT TO THOSE SOPH-O-MORONS Frosh: "I've just been reading 'To a Bad Girl'." Soph: "Is that all you knew to do?" Easterner: "This suit is made out of virgin wool." Westerner: "Who told you the sheep's history?" THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Fifteen Tigers Johanningmeier Gladden Coach Henry Kerry Stuber P. Yeckel Capt. Frank Bittner Collings Seven fighting Claws and the Brains Page Sixteen Missouri Players Jersey Player Position Wt. 50 Young, Fowler --------------guard------------165 40 Allen, Nelson -----------------end-------190 32 Asbury, Edgar - ------------back ------------178 9 ASBURY, WILBURT -------HALF ------------170 16 AUSTIN, HAL ------ GUARD------------192 15 BITTNER, FRANK (Capt.) HALF -----------170 19 BOEKEMEIER, ORVAL -----END ----------- 180 6 Bray, Adrian ----------------- half----------- 145 3 Barner, Chester -------------- back ----------175 29 Buchele, Kerwan ----------half------- 171 Charlton, A. W. --------------half -----148 26 Clark, Don -------------------half-----------168 55 Clark, Marion --- -------------back-------- 168 25 Coates, Donald ------------------end------- 165 14 COLLINGS, MAX --- QUARTER ----------160 7 Cooper, John -----------------half---------155 23 Cotham, Robert -------------- end-----------170 31 Crane, Fred ---------------------full---------180 18 DeBord, L. W. --------------- tackle -----170 4 Denny, Gilbert --------------- center-------- 165 12 Donham, Charles ------------ guard------------175 Dyer, Armel-----------------half---------- 175 East, William -- ---------tackle ----------170 2 EAVES, DONALD ---------HALF-------- 165 38 EDMISTON, GEORGE - - FULL------------178 56 Edmonston, Dorrance ---------half--------- 158 21 Flentge, Howard -------- guard--------190 53 GLADDEN, MACK ------- END ------- 198 48 Gill, Percy ------------------- end-----------200 Graham, William ---------- half--- -----150 51 Haines, Richard ----- ---- guard -- -----220 20 Hanley, Lloyd ----------------end---------17 41 HARTMAN, FRED -------GUARD------- 00 10 Hatfield, Woodrow -- -------half--------170 36 Jacobs, Robert --------- guard---------190 39 JOHANNINGMEIER, C. --- FULL---------185 43 KERBY, KENNETH .--- TACKLE---------- 195 44 Koenigsdorf, Richard ---------tackle---------- 200 45 Lamb, John ----------------tackle ---------220 3 Lancaster, William ---------quarter--------152 22 Lippert, Raymond .-------. -- --.end------ 190 33 Miller, William --------------back------- 180 37 MORGAN, GRANT ------ END -----------195 5 McHarg, Lynn ----------center --------- 150 17 Niblo, Elmo ------------ center- .-------- 175 46 Noblitt, Noble ------------- tackle .---------210 24 Oth, Ray ------------------center--.------- 200 47 Porter, Ray -----------------tackle-----------220 49 Powell, Russell ----- ------center------------155 28 RAWLINGS, OTHA --- TACKLE-----------194 11 Schiele, Charles ------------ end.--.-----.--- 172 1 Stuber, George ---------- quarter----------- 155 54 Swatek, Jack ---------------guard --------198 27 Yeckel, Carl ----------------center --------- 183 35 YECKEL, PHIL ----------GUARD-- -----190 Names in capitals are lettermen. OFFICIALS Referee-Dwight Ream, Washburn College. Umpire-Frank G. Dennie, Brown University. Field Judge-C. E. McBride, Mo. Valley. Head Linesman-Joe Reilly, Georgetown Uni- versity. THE MISSOURI SHOWME MISS BATTLE F Probable Missodi G(48 Bittner (15) Ful Right Half Stir( Querbo Gladden (53) Morgan (37) Oth (24) Dy ( Right End Right Tackle Right Guard iter Probable Oklahoma Watkins (40) Corey (50) Teel (47) Yg (4 Left End Left Tackle Left Guard ater Str ( Qerbo Warren (Capt.) (15) Left Half sad pack OKLA THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Seventeen OURI ormation Starting Lineup 48) ullback Johanningmeier (39) Left Half (1) rback (4) Austin (16) Kerby (43) Schiele (11) ter Left Guard Left Tackle Left End La Starting Lineup (45) Wilson (46) Graalman (37) Curnett (27) ter Right Guard Right Tackle Right End (17) rback Ellstrom (48) sad (42) Right Half ack hom HOMA Oklahoma Players Jersey Player Position Wt. 10 AB WALKER -------QUARTER------------142 11 Bill Pansze --------------- _ -half.....------- 150 12 DICK SIMMS -------------HALF------------155 14 Fred Sherry ------------------END-----------155 15 GUY WARREN, (Capt.) -.--HALF -----------138 17 CHAS. STOGNER ------QUARTER---- ----- 145 18 Evans Chambers ------------FULL--------- 170 19 ORIN BORAH -----------GUARD- .. ------ 180 20 H. Fleetwood ---------------center ..--------- 165 21 John Robinson ---------------- full --------160 22 Marion Foreman --------------guard--------- 165 23 HARDLE LEWIS -----QUARTER --------150 24 Lawdis Dennis -------.--------half- -------150 27 *Edsel Curnutt, ----------------- full -------- 180 28 Howard Maxon --------- tackle-- ..------- 185 2 Joe Swofford --- ----------- half ------- 170 30 Bill Whitesides -- --------tackle..---------180 31 Louis Danczyk ---------------tackle- ..--------- 182 32 Ellis Bashara ----------- guard-------- 188 33 Oliver Roselius ----- ----- tackle ----------. 175 25 Henry Haag -----------tackle -----.----200 36 Fred Dickinson .....----------end---- ---180 37 Gordon Graalman -------- tackle--- . -----... 180 37 *Grady Jackson -------------center- .-.------- 180 39 Bob Dunlap --------------.. quarter.--- ------ 182 40 Smith Watkins -----------...-end---------- 168 41 EARNEST SNELL --------END----------. 160 42 EARNEST MASSARD --- .HALF..---------160 43 Claude Whittington ---------guard -----------178 44 Pete Maloney -------------- full --------170 45 PAUL YOUNG ---------CENTER-----------180 46 CHAS. WILSON ---------GUARD------180 47 CHAS. TEEL -----------GUARD ---------- 177 48 Marvin Ellstrom-- --------------..full---------190 49 Tom Grimmett -----------tackle ------------205 50 Orville Coret ---------------tackle --------.--. 225 Names in capitals are lettermen. * Denotes squad men. Statistics, courtesy Sooner Sports Service, by Harold Keith. SCORE BY QUARTERS Missouri Oklahoma Page Eighteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME Six Fighting Tigers W. ASBURY ASBURY, WILBURT-170 lbs-- End, Maryville, Mo. Bill is playing his second year on the Varsity. He is a good ball lugger and can tackle with the best. NIBLO, ELMO, Dallas, Texas, 175 lbs., Center.His second year of competi- tion. He is fast and is good on the de- fense. HARTMAN HARTMAN, FRED, Columbia, Mo., 200 lbs., Guard. This is Fred's second year of playing. He is a good heavy man who is steady and can be depended upon to play the game. RAWLINGS, OTHA, Marshall, Mo., 194 lbs., Tackle.His second year in var- sity play and is considered one of our surest and steadiest players. HATFIELD HATFIELD, WOODROW, Lamar, Mo., 170 lbs., Half. This is his first year of varsity playing and there is a bright future for him. He is fast and dangerous on an open field. OTH - CENTER OTH, RAY, St. Louis, 200 lbs., Cen- ter.Ray is in his first year of Varsity play. He is big, fast, and plays his position well. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nineteen J. C. PENNEY CO., INC. Page Twenty THE MISSOURI SHOWME ...and a half-dozen more EAVES EAVES, DONALD-165 lbs-Half- back-No. 2, Cameron, Mo., two years of varsity competition. Plays a strong game behind the line, a hard tackler and good blocker. JOHANNINGMEIER, CARL-198 lbs.-Fullback-No. 39, the best smasher and blocker playing with the team. Much will be expected from him in the next year, meanwhile he is living up to ex- pectations this year. BITTNER, FRANK (Capt.) Green- field, Ia., 170 lbs., Half. Frank is also playing his third year of competition. Frank is good at most everything, but is a superior blocker. KERBY, KENNETH-195 lbs.-Tac- kle-No. 43, Kansas City, Mo., two years varsity competition. A power in the line, charges and blocks with venge- ance and big enough to stop anybody. AUSTIN AUSTIN, HAl, Mt. Vernon, Mo., 192 lbs., Guard. Hal's last year of competi- tion with the Varsity. He is a fast and good all around man to be feared when ever he is around the ball. MORGAN MORGAN, GRANT-195 lbs.-End- No. 37, Independence, Mo., two years varsity competition. He is making good this year, he is fast, powerful and gets away fast enough to be useful on passes and kicks. A good blocker and hard tackler. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-one DEAR OLD VARSITY Up through the past's blue haze You've ever striven With steady tread and fine Integrity. And won and lost in countless frays Dauntlessly. Driven Through each impregnable line In unity Fight onward to success Eternally And crown the name of dear old Varsity. -S. A. B. WORLD SERIES AMERICA EUROPE Al Murray (Alfalfa) LE Kaiser Bill (Germany) Herb Hoover (Stanford) LT Alphonse (Spain) Big Bill Thompson (Wilberforce) LG George (England) Jim Walker (St. Francis Xaviar C Grand Duke Ivan (Russia) Sec. Stimson (Yale) RG Grand Duke Alex (Russia) Franklin Roosevelt (Harv.) RT Grand Duke Nicholia (Rus.) Oliver W. Holmes (Harvard) RE Grand Duke Peter (Russia) Cal Coolidge (Abherst) QB George (Greece) Bill Borah (U. of Kansas) LH Abul Khan (Afghanistan) Bob LaFollette (U. of Wisconsin RH Victor (Italy) Smitty Brookhart (Corn College) FB Albert (Austria) -Cleve Kerndt HERALD-STATESMAN PUBLISHING Co. Page Twenty-two THE MISSOURI SHOWME Voice from Sidelines: "Hold That Smile." (As Milt Gros Might Announce A Football Game) So . . . was comink hon de feld de team wit cleppink from de stends -halso was comink hon de feld de hudder team wit cleppink yet loud- er from de stends. De feetball game is now hon, ladeez hand gentlemen. Was playink down by us de gret feetball game wit tecklink, wit pes- sink, wit fest playink hull de time. Oi-yoi-oi, de men is ronnink wit de ball, is pessink de feefty yard line, is by de furty yard line, is down by de twenty. Hooray wit Whoopie! Cum hon Junior-a cheep huf de hole block you is yat! Ladees hand gentlemen, stend by-de stetion hu- nouncement is comink by us. De hef is hover. De bend is com- ink hon de feld-lat's see if we can get you de musik. Ha! Hain't dese pappy tunes yat? Now, de teams is comink. De game is go- ink de lest hef. De cheerink, wit yallink, wit shoutink is comink. So . .was ronnink .de men by de gul- posts. Touchdown! Wit de stends stending hup. Fest playink. Ha! Heppy days is comink. De men is tryink fur de punt. Stend by lad- eez hand gentlemen, de stetion hu- nouncements is comink by us. De game is now goink into de lest quarter. Hmmm, luke like stallink beezniss from de hudder team. De scur is-wait won meenut ladeez til de hadding macheen gats hover de hedak. Wit mur men ronnink by de gul-posts-yat de game is hover. Wit snek-dencink, wit yallink, de game is hover. -Kathryn Bayne She: Did you know you'd make a wonderful fireman? He: How's that? She: You never take your eyes off the hose. -"Scholar and Clown" "How does Caroline kiss?" "Have you ever tried to play a tuba? -Wash. U. Columns Did you spend an amusing eve- ning with her? Yes, she has a lot of pet theories. -Jack O'Lantern STEPHENS SCENES Isn't it wonderful to see the sudden love Vera Fox has developed for the dear old school? We notice that she never leaves campus now-except to go to Church on Sunday mornings.---- This week the fur-lined syrup pitcher goes to the little Freshman who play- fully accused a married faculty member (male) of "stepping out" with the Sen- iors, and then invited him to her room to sample her mother's homemade pick- les ! And then there's the one on a new Junior who said the M.U. Ag students weren't so good-they had been riding all over town on trucks for a week doing their hog calling act and nary a hog galloped down the street after them! Of cours we don't believe it, but its being rumored that the A.A. president was quite happy after the dance Friday nite. Perhaps the barrel of cider left over can account for her condition.- We're now wondering how some people rate as they do--Dot Chapman, Peggy Marshall and Edith McCoy pulled in an hour after light bell Friday night and got away with it.- We'd really like to get the originater of that term, "weaker sex," into a good old hockey game with Coleman, Staser, Myers, Lin- derman, Nelson and a few other "weak- lings." GETTING HIS MARKS -Courtesy Ski-U-Mah. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-three She: I don't like to ride with you, you're too reckless. He: Yes, we have had some tight squeezes, haven't we? -Nebraska Awgwan Stern School Teacher: What is a relief map? Schoolboy: My girl's face after looking at yours all day. -S. C. Wampus 1st Brother: I hear that Tom started another fire in his waste-basket. 2nd Brother: Yeah. Just "arson" around, as usual. Lehigh Burr "My best hen simply laid herself to death." "Died from ova-work, you might say." -Green Griffin Dentist: I'm sorry but I'm out of gas. Girl in chair: Ye Gods! Do you dentists pull that old stuff, too? -College Humor "When do you plan to get married?" "Well, if all goes well we won't get hooked up for a couple of years yet." -Penn Punch Bowl THE COLUMBIA MISSOURIAN E. C. Clinkscales & Sons JIMMIE'S COLLEGE INN Page Twenty-four THE MISSOURI SHOWME "Oops, Sorry!" -Courtesy Wabash Caveman HERO OF THE HOUR The goal was only a few feet away. Could he make it? The op- position seemed impregnable. He tried to sneak through the defense line, but got knocked for a three- foot loss. Again he tried, but this time he was penalized for being off- sides. A surprise attack was needed- a trick play. Again he advanced, slowly, with the goal in plain sight. His chance had come-it was now or never! Quickly, he made a break forward, while hands clutched at him in vain. Suddenly: "If you kiss me, Jack, I'll . . TOUCHDOWN! ! -H. D. L. Little Jack Horner Parked it in a corner And opened a bottle of rye; He pulled out the cork, Spilled half the quart, And said: "What a hell of a Guy am I!" -Leon ANIMAL TEAM SELECTION Ochs (Bushwick '29) ----------L.E. Lamb (Choate '29) ------------L.T. Crane (Missouri U. '30) -------L.G. Leach (Peddie) ----.-----------C. Fox (Boston U.'31) ---------R.G. Wolf (Dartmouth '29) ------- C. Roach (Malverne '29) ---------R.E. Lyons (Depauw '31) --------L.H. Baer (Indiana '31) ---------R.H. Stagg (Chicago U.) -------------Q. Campbell (Missouri U.) -------F.B. -Sam Brown A ROMANCE OF THE BIG SIX Once there was a Tiger football star labeled Blank. Blank, with a FIRST DOWN scarcely off his cheek, was a FAIR CATCH for any lass, but he was K.U. K.U. over a certain Bleacher, MISS EURA Brasker, who always made it an EXTRA POINT to have the op- posite sex CENTER such com- ments as, "O.U., Peach," upon her as she ankled down Broadway. He told Eura, "No girl KAN. AGGY- tate me like you, so I'd SOONER change your name to NEE BRAS- KER and I'll accept no SUBSTI- TUTE, and will surely KICK OFF if you refuse. She refused to be caught OFF GUARD and avoided TACKLING matrimony by giving him a GRAND STAND up like this:---I oughn't to give up my AMES now, as IOWA lot to my folks." But his SIGHED LINES were slowly driving her OUT OF BOUNDS of reason. She wore a gown that displayed the FULLBACK and which offered little INTERFERENCE. Blank made a FORWARD PASS at her, but only FUMBLED with the hem of her gown. She sought SAFETY and YARD him with these LINES, "Don't you dare TOUCH DOWN there anymore, as I'll SCRIM, EDGE one inch closer to your GOAL." "DROP KICKING at my HOLDING and I'll PRESS BOX after box of gifts on you. I'll also forget about the twenty-five cents your kid brother owes me." "This is the END. Everything you do makes me CROSS, BAR nothing, so here's your QUAR- TERBACK." -Windy Shapiro She was only the wife of the Sul- tan, but she gave her hubby the heir. -Amherst Lord Jeff THE MISSOURI SHOWME Twenty-Five "Nonsense, Sense and Consequence" THE PRIZE WINNING SLOGAN Submitted By EVELYN D. HENDREN Student in the School of Journalism First Honorable Mention: "AN EDUCATED, LUBRICATED, ANIMATED LAUGH," submitted by Lolita Brown; second honorable mention: "AN INSANE VIEW OF MISSOURI U.," submitted by James W. Fuson, Jr.; third honorable mention: "HAVE YOU HAD YOUR LAUGH TODAY," submitted by J. Y. Nicolds; fourth honorable men- tion: "WHAT A WHALE OF A DIFFERENCE JUST A FEW CENSORS MAKE," submitted by Jack S. Margules, Dallas, Tex. Dishonorable Mention: "WHY READ FEELTHY POST CARDS? READ THE SHOWME IN- STEAD"-"DIRTY JOKES-THEY'RE OUT SO THEY CAN'T BE IN"-"READ A FRESH SHOWME PACKED IN A CUSPIDOR PACK"- "IT'S ROASTED"-"BAD ITS GOTTA BE BAD TO GET WHERE IT IS"-"EVERYONE LAUGHED WHEN I SAT DOWN TO READ THE SHOWME"-"LET THE SHOWME SHOW YOU" (submitted 19 times)-"I'm FROM MIS- SOURI YOU GOTTA SHOWME (submitted 13 times)-"JOLLITY BE THE JUGFUL." Also Rans: "A REAR VIEW OF MISSOURI HUMOR"-BEDROOM PARLOR & SINK" (?) "CAMPUS CONSOLER FOR COLLEGIANS CASH CRISIS'-"MIZZOU MIRTH & MUD" "STUDENT LIFE AS STUDENTS SEE IT (oh yeah?) "THE PULSE OF THE CAMPUS'-"A COLLEGIATE COLLECTION OF CLOWNING" "ALL THE JOKES NOT FIT TO PRINT" "SHOWME A BETTER ONE" (is this a question) "THE WATCH DOG OF THE CAMPUS" (who said so?)-"OUR COLLEGIATE COPY CAN- CELS YOUR CARES" (we doubt it)--THE BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE" (thanks, ole fellow- you deserve a prize-but not for this)-"ENTER- TAIN YOUR DATES WITH A SHOWME" (we know a better way than that)-"SHOWME A BET- TER ONE" (yes, do!)-"WE APOLOGIZE" (you hound, you!) Gaebler's Black and Gold Inn GOLDMAN'S Women's Outfitters JACKSON-FINLEY Grocery and Delicatessen Twenty-Six Life Savers DR. G. E. WARD, Jr. College Cleaners THE MISSOURI SHOWME THERE'LL BE A HOT TIME IN THE OLE TOWN Cautiously, he sneaked into a high unoccupied corner of the stadium and sat down. All around him the crowds were shouting and screaming . . . but he just sat there cursing to himself as he fiddled with a long wooden instrument he had found on the seat beside him. Now the shouts were getting louder and louder .. but he continued to sit there and mutter and curse to himself... Suddenly everything grew red . . . pan- demonium had broken loose. What were they shout- ing? Was he the object of their cries? Why did he sit there in the corner and curse to himself when he alone could have saved the day? As he glanced below he could see someone run across the field with pails of water in their hands . .. People were jumping up and down . . . Again they were calling. "What of it ?" he thought .. . Finally he got courage enough to face the throngs; he was no piker-he would show them. Rising and laying aside his fiddle, Nero stepped forward and shouted to the mob as the entire city broke into flames: "To hell with you, Rome wasn't built in a day!" -Leon. A surgeon had just finished operating on an enormously fat man for rupture. Before the opera- tion began the patient was very much afraid, saying that he felt sure he would die under the anaesthetic, bidding his family goodbye, etc. After the operation was over, and he was assured he would live, he said to the doctor: "Doc, I was pretty brave about it, wasn't I ?" "Well, I'll say this," said the doctor, " You have mort guts than any man I ever saw."-Chas. T. Butler STREET'S FORD SERVICE THE MISSOURI SHOWME Twenty-Seven P K SANDWICH SHOP KNIGHT'S WHAT A MAN The boy stood on the burning deck, His head was in a whirl; His eyes and mouth were full of hair- And his arms were full of girl. -John Redmond Liquid Hare Co. Twenty-Eight COME ON BOYS, ONLY A FEW MORE YARDS TO GO! "Gee, dear, with a moon like that there are only two things to do- and I don't feel like writing any poetry." -Notre Dame Juggler "There's a good combination shot," cried the co-ed as she re- moved the tattered lingerie from her laundry bundle. -White Mule CO-ED MOTTO Better to be fat in the head than thick in the hips. -Caveman What a swell time Solomon's ice man had, -The Owl THE MISSOURI SHOWME ALL-AMERICAN (?) L.E. Donowiski, Fordham L.T Uzdavinis, Fordham LG Gorenstein, Illinois C. Schwartzwalder, West Va. R.G. Dellavedova, Iowa R.T. Rosmarynoski, Marquette R.E. Rabenstein, Ohio State Q.B. Melinkovich, Notre Dame R.H. Sheeketski, Notre Dame L.H. Shereschewsky, Harvard F.B. Chesnulevich, Boston -Maurice Shadle She: I'm Suzette, the Oriental dancer. He: Shake. -Yowl Rev. Good (at baptism): His name please? Mother: Algernon Phillip Per- cival Reginald Mortimer Duck- worth. Rev. (to his assistant) : A little more water please. -Penn Punch Bowl SHORT, SHORT POEM Lads and lasses Cutting classes, Forward passes Cheering masses. Football season! -Kathryn Bayne THE CHEER LEADER MAKES HIMSELF AT HOME ALL-COLOR TEAM SELEC- TION Brown (Milton College) ---------L.E. Black (Kansas U. '30) --------- L.T. Rose (Freeport '29) -----------L.G. Rose (Georgia) ---------------- C. Greene (Yale '29) ----------- -R.G. Brown (Vanderbilt U.) ------R.T. Gray (Wesleyan U.) ----------R.E. Scarlett (Princeton U.) -----Q. Green (Hotchkiss U.) ---------L.H. White (Mineola U.) --------- R.H Cherry (Maryville U.) ------- F.B. --Sam Brown HOMECOMING SPIRIT THE MISSOURI SHOWME Twenty-Nine Ekel: "Give me a sentence with the word statue in it." Bedekel: "Is statue Ekel? The football player clenched his fist And slowly called the numbers. His chance again-before he'd missed, And pulled an awful 'bone.' "If I should fumble now," he thought- His muscles tensed, and then, The accents of her voice he caught, "So nice of you to phone." -Kathryn Bayne. He: Your well developed arms. How did you get them? She: Lots of exercise. Helping mother sweep. He: Ummm-Do you walk much? VARSITY BARBER SHOP UNIVERSITY SHOPPE Montgomery Ward & Company Dr. H. H. Buescher Dental Surgeon Thirty Polly and Molly Prattlings by a Pair of Prize Punsters. Polly: See, GIRL, I was RIGHT. We're TERRIBLY LATE. The QUARTER is HALF spent. Molly: What ARE you SCREAMING about NOW? You know PERFECTLY WELL, Polly, we didn't spend a CENT, much LESS a QUARTER to get into this OLD football game. Polly: Molly, I OFTEN MAR- VEL how you have LIVED so LONG and KNOW so little about the FACTS OF LIFE. "Half spent" is the CULTURAL way of saying almost over. Don't you EVER READ the football stories in COLLEGE HUMOR? Don't you KNOW that QUAR- TER is a TECHNICAL TERM MEANING the TEAM has made four first DOWNS? Molly: Of COURSE I knew, but if I DIDN'T, is there any NEED of your SIMPLY SCREAMING CRACKS about my AGE? I don't HAVE to sit HERE and have you INSULT me in front of THOUSANDS of people. I can EASILY- Polly: Girl, LOOK. You wouldn't BELIEVE IT. There's Claire with that HANDSOME boy, we saw driving that PAS- SIONATE PURPLE ROAD- STER this morning. WHERE EVER did she PICK HIM UP, do you suppose? THE MISSOURI SHOWME Molly: Don't you remember, Polly, I SAID this morning he's PROBABLY PITIFULLY DUMB and OBNOXIOUS to BOOT. This PROVES it. Polly: LOOK, GIRL, LOOK, our boys are going to TRY a PUNT. Molly: Really, girl? Then I'm SIMPLY LEAVING. I THOUGHT our team PLAYED FAIR. Polly: They do. What IS your TROUBLE? There's nothing dishonorable about a PUNT. Moly: Why, GIRL, you TOLD me YOURSELF last night that a PUN was THE LOWEST FORM OF HUMOR. FOOTBALL (As Broadcast By Your Favorite Announcer) Hello, everybody! This is Sunny Jim bringing you the big game di- rect from the Groggyheimer Memo- rial Stadium. The perfect day for a game! 'There is a slight down- pour, and the field looks like a lake! Real football weather, yes sir! And what a crowd-just as wet as the day. Hear the cheers and the band? Looks like there's going to be a great game, folks. By the way, this broadcast is sponsored by the Perfect Pickle Co., manufacturers of the delightfully refreshing dill pickles, "good to the last bite!" Take home a jar to the wife and kiddies today ! The team are lining up, now. All the men seem to be in splendid con- dition. One player is handing his crutches to the coach, and another is taking his arm out of a sling. As I say-both teams are in excellent condition! . . There comes the kick- off! Boy, what a kick! The ball landed at the forty-five yard line! BE A NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT Any intelligent person may earn money corresponding for newspa- pers; all or spare time; experience unnecessary; no canvassing; send for free booklet; tells how. Hea- cock, Room 597, Bun Bldg., Buffalo, N. Y. SHOWME FOOTBALL GUIDE Center-A point midway between two lines. Guards--Apply to Capone, salary last reported at $150 per week. Tackle-Apparatus for raising and lowering weights. End-Extremity of a line; term in anatomy. Quarterback-We won't pull the one about the Scotchman. Halfbacks-The Siamese twins. Fullback-Favorite pose of the well shaped woman; see Jean Har- lowe. Point-Indication of a direction. Huddle-Formation used in shoot- ing craps. Dead ball-A slaughtered pig. Foul-Agreed, a terrible odor. Touchback-Experimental a n a- tomy; a parlor game. Holding-Athletic necking Interference-The old man coming downstairs at 2 A. M. Clipping-Campus - Tiger theme song. Roughness-Caveman stuff. Penalty-No fair. -Maurice Shadle Both teams are swimming for it! There's No. 37 pulling ahead with a beautiful crawl! He got it! No -he fumbled; someone else got it. That was the referee. Fast work there! The ball goes to the fifty- yard line. The crowds are booing! The score is now 6 to 0 in favor of the referee. The teams are in a huddle! Signals They're off ! Too bad! 'They tried a seventy-five- yard penalty, and the ball goes to the water-boy! Sorry folks, the game is over; both teams have re- fused to play, saying that the ref- eree is showing favoritism! We'll be with you again for another big game next Saturday-and don't forget that this program has come to you through the courtesy of the Perfect Pickle Co. Your announcer is Sunny Jim. Good afternoon, ev- erybody ! THE MISSOURI SHOWME INDEX TO ADVERTISERS Name Page Black and Gold ......... ... ....... ..... Boone County Nat'l Bank .............. Buescher, Dr. ......... ................... Cam el Cigarettes ....... ........................ Chesterfield Cigarettes .................. Chevrolet .. .... ............. ........... Clinkscales Garage ........ .............. College Cleaners ............................. College Humor .......... ........ ...... Columbia Missourian .......... ........... College Inn Cafe ........... ........... Co-op Store ................... ...... .... ................. Goldman ....................... ... . ............. Heacock Correspondence . .................. Herald-Statesman ........... ..... .. ... ........ Jackson-Finle ............. ...................... Knight's . ........ ... ........ ..... ........ Life Saver .................. .. ... .. .. . ........... Liquid Hare ............. ..... .. .. .......... Millers ......................................... .... ... ..... Missouri Floral Shop ............. . ......... Missouri Utilities .......... ........ ............. Montgomery Ward & Co. ..............................- J. C. Penney Co .............. .... ......... .... PK Sandwich Shop .......... ........... ............. Street's Ford Service ............. .............. University Shoppe ......................... V anity Fair Cleaners ......... ...... ......... Varsity Barber Shop .......... . ....... Ward, Dr ............. . .................... ......... Wheel Cafe ..................... ... IT'S NOT TO LATE!! Tear this out any 'ole way. Missouri Showme, Herald-Statesman Bldg., Columbia, Mo. I read the first three issues and I want the re- maining seven. I am enclosing 75c for the rest that are to come. Hurry up and get your December 10th Number out. Football Season! There have been other football seasons. You've sat in the autumn sun and cheered and groaned; you've felt the brightness of victory and the dullness of defeat. But there's a side of the game you don't see from the stands. In THE DIARY OF A LINE SMASHER, for the First time, is pictured the real inside story of the pitiless training, the misunderstandings and the driving, smashing spirit which makes teams win. Dick Hyland's story will give you a fresh interest in football. It's in Camel Cigarettes