The Missouri Outlaw Aviation November, 1929 Missouri Outlaw Aviation November, 1929 2008 1929/11 image/jpeg State Historical Society These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show192911

The Missouri Outlaw Aviation November, 1929; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1929

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The Missouri Outlaw 10 cents Aviation Number. A New Feature Monthly Cross Word Puzzle Contest First Prize--$5.00 Next Four-One year subscription to the Missouri Outlaw. Rules: 1 Must be submitted on a Missouri Outlaw page. 2 Mailed to Missouri Outlaw, Columbia, Mo. 3 First correct one received will be awarded the prize. J. C. PENNEY CO. me. MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER November, 1929 Can You Pick The All-American? 10 Learbury Suits and Topcoats Given to Winners 10 Learbury Suits and Topcoats will be awarded to the 10 contestants whose selections for this year's All- American Football Team are closest to the one chosen by College Humor. Selections must be made on Lear- bury entry blanks. Contest closes Midnight Nov. 23rd. Come in now for your free Learbury entry blank. Head and Judge Pioneer Suspenders VANITY FAIR Izzy--"Oiy, popah, I gota bids from five frater- nities. Wot should I do?" Izzy, Sr.-"Yo dumbkopf! Oi, for why am I sending you to business colitch? Sell quick to the highest bidder!" -Jester Columbia U. Flapper-- "I'd like to see the captain of the ship." Rookie--"He's forward, Miss." Flapper--"I don't care, this is a pleasure trip." -Yellow Jacket. The College Laundry Campus Drug Store November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW--AVIATION NUMBER 3 Advertisers AMERICAN TOBACCO CO. LIFE SAVERS P. LORILLORD CO. STEPHEN F. WHITMAN & SON CURTISS AIRPLANE & MOTOR CO. EDUADORIAN PANAMA HAT CO. HOOD RUBBER PRODUCTS CO. LIGGETT-MYERS TOBACCO CO. PIONEER SUSPENDER CO. HECHT LEARS CLOTHING CO. J. C. PENNEY CO. R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. PARKS AIR COLLEGE CURTISS FLYING SCHOOL PARKER PEN CO. COCOA-COLA CO. WESTERN ELECTRIC GENERAL ELECTRIC Hood Chesterfield Whitman's Old Gold College Humor Pioneer Suspenders Parks Air College Curtiss Lucky Strike You Recognize The Leaders KEEN competition demands that national advertisers use consistent, well-planned, and well-placed advertising. The merits of a publication are carefully weighed . . . its cir- culation analyzed . . . its edi- torial policy scrutinized . . . to determine definitely in ad- vance the results an advertise- ment in that publication will yield. A few prominent national advertisers ho li have chosen THE MISSOURI OUTLAW to represent their products are mentioned on this page such proof is convincing to prospective advertisers . . gratifying to present advertis- ers, and an added incentive to better our efforts and put forth an even great MISSOURI OUT- LAW for Missourians. TH F Missouri Outlaw In the East we are represented By Roy Barnhill, Inc., 40 East 34th St, N. Y. Collegiate Special Adv. Agency 503 Fifth Ave., N. Y. THE COMIC OF MISSOURI THE Old Man Dedicates This Issue TO Aviation November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER 5 Missouri Outlaw VOL. VII NOVEMBER, 1929 NO. 3 My First Solo Flight It was my first solo flight. I have taken the air many times before but I have always had a companion with me. Four times Willie and I had taken flight together, but this time-ah-ha!.- this time, my fate layed in my own hands. Was I frightened? Was I? I have not yet completely recovered . . . All alone, and how lonesome! More than once. I wished that Willie was with me. I kept asking my-self - could I keep my head? Will I be able to get out of all this by my- self? Well, it was up to me now. Well can I remember how Willie gave me a shove and I took off for the first time alone. At first I found it extremely difficult to crawl through the narrow tunnel we had dug under the prison cell floor! "Lifer" McGrew. Get a Frigidaire Jake: Why are you freezing here waiting for your girl? Pete: I want to make myself solid with her. All Over Her Face George: She has delicately chisel- ed features. Georgette: Huh! Looks to me as if the chisel slipped. Home Joe: What would you do if you had the magic carpet at house- cleaning time? Jim: I'd heat it. Home, James! Myrtle, have Simmons warm up the Monocoupe and take Pom-Pom for a ride. I'm so anxious to have the little dear become air-minded. Some Boz Bobby: Why aren't you going to follow in your father's foot-steps? Jimmy: Aw, Dad was always afraid to step out. Fence: Is She Just A Country Maid, Pure And Simple? Post: Well, She's Simple. Before And After The Game How About Al We call him Teddy because he gets next to all the pretty girls. Such Lines Giant: I don't believe you have an eye for art. Dwarf: Huh! Ain't I courting the Tattoed Lady? As Ink Bill: Let's paint the town red. Jack: The reformers say it must be blue. 6 MISSOURI OUTLAW--AVIATION NUMBER November, 1929 THAT DEMON RUM or The Boy Explorers on the Border Chapter L "Hurrah!" shouted Jack Daunt- less of the Boy Explorers to his chums, Ned Grant and Dick Daring, who were at that very moment in- nocently feeding cut plug to a neighbor's goat. But at Jack's call they came a running as fast as their stout legs and a motorcycle could carry them. "'What is it? A check?" breath- lessly gurgled the ever witty Ned, who had visited his brother in col- lege, bringing a hearty laugh and several encores from his public be- fore the curtain dropped and Jack showed them a letter. "It's from Uncle Useless Frohano- witz, a sandy haired, blunt old Irish- man, who lives down on the Mexi- can border . . He says he's just read our last book 'The, Boy Explor- ers Among the Politicians' and says that if we haven't any more adven- tures right now, to come down and protec the border from the Demon Rum. What do you say boys?" questioned the heir of old man Dauntless. The boys thought awhile and seemed rather reluctant. Ned had hoped that they would investigate a naval lobby next or something more exciting than going to the old border. Dick was undecided too, for it was he who had suggested start- ing up a new beer faction in Chic- ago. Can you imagine the daring of these boys! I can not. However, not for long were these loyal boys undecided and in a trice or perhaps two trices both shouted in a rich barytone, "And how!" Didn't I say they had been to college? All right then I didn't Have it your own way. Chapter II After many preparations our friends arrived on the border beat- ing the Rover Boys by several days and the Associated Press by an hour., As they rolled up to the Frohano- witz mansion in their two seater otiocoupe. Uncle Useless came runnaing out to meet them with wel- coming arms. "How are you, Uncle?" they all asked to be polite. "I'm fine boys, except for my gout, hay fever, halitosis, enlarged larynx, or what have you. Come right in and make yourselves at home." Such hospitality must be deserved. Ask the man who owns one. During the meal that night Mr. Frohanowitz announced through the courtesy of Affiliated Washboards and Ready Wrung Mops that the boys would start work the next day, filming arrangements having been made with United Flickers and broadcasting rights secured by N. B. C. (National Buttermilk Corpora- tion) with Graham McNamee at the "mike." Chapter 1I. That morning dawned clear and cloudless that wonderful spring day and except for several hangovers everybody was feeling fine and ready to fight the Demon Rum. "Is everybody ready?" asked Jack of the others during the hearty breakfast of cold tomato juice. "Everything is all ready from the radio equipment to the Hearst syn- dicated feature articles. Now all we have to do is find the Demon and run him down," proudly announced Uncle Useless and everybody clap- ped for more music. Chapter IV. The big battle of the Windy Pas- sage started about ten o'clock that morning, Eastern Standard Time. The Red Rumoleon's (Demon Rum) fleet of stock demonstration cars was drawn up in battle front, with the Italian warship Italio Romo play- ing right end, and the British Coal- ing barge Pride of Wales taking left field. The Boy Explorers had five scows and a blimp and expected the Rover Boys to bring two yachts and a torpedo. You can readily see how the Red Rumoleon's strength com- pared to tliat of the valiant Daunt- less tribe. No one has been able to say who fired the first shot, but events immediately following that shot are best described in Graham McNamee's language as he described it on that memorable day: "Folks, you are now listening to the Battle of the Windy Passage. You ought to be here. It's wonder- ful weather down here on the bord- er, with beautif-- oh, oh, the first November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW--AVIATION NUMBER 7 shot -- a shot -- the shot heard round the world! Here they come, here they come - - no, just a min- ute, it's Jack Dauntless with a bottle of beer in one hand and a rye bread sandwich in the other. Say folks, I wish you could taste the beer down here. - Hello, Joe! Here's my friend Joe down from Kalamazoo. What's that, Joe? Oh, Joe says ,folks, Joe says the battle's about over. Quite a coincidence, eh, Joe? This pro- gram is coming to you through the courtesy of Affiliated Washboards and Ready Wrung Mops . ." Chapter V The Red Rumoleon's power was completely broken by the Windy Passage error and Jack got the girl. How should I know what girl? Prob- ably that little blonde, third from the left in the chorus. Anyway young Mr. Dauntless and the other boys rode into victory on a land- slide of votes. So the Demon Rum is no more and our own Jack is in office. He hopes to stay there if the insurgents and the farm bloc do not get him. Read how he succeeds in "Jack Dauntless With the Lobbyists in Washington on The Boy Explor- ers and the Side Show Racket." Interpreting the Law Warden (to prisoner) "You say you want a key. What in thunder are you going to use it for? Inmate-"I want to sleep home at nights - I was only sentenced to thirty days in jail." On a Sunday porning Parson, (meeting neighbor bring- ing home a load of hay)-"Jenkins! Wouldn't it be better if you attend- ed services instead of working this way?" Jenkins-"Mr. Dawkins, I don't know whether it would be best to sit on the load of hay and think o religion or sit in church and think of the hay." Sure Sign First Boy: We're going to move soon. Second Lad: How d'you know? First Boy: Well, I broke a win- dow yesterday an' muvver never History Reviewed Teacher - When Noah had com- pleted the ark and had taken his wife, children, relative and friends aboard, what became of the wicked people? Why weren't they taken along? Young Byrnes (broker's son) - I suppose they didn't have any stock in the corporation. A Vocation Mrs. Worrymore-"My little boy has St. Vitus' dance terribly. I don't know what to do with him." Boarder-"You might get him a conductor's baton and have him lead a jazz orchestra." Migrates? Mrs. Debbins-Yes, we have a wonderful cook. She's a bird. Mrs. Stebbins--I'm afraid I don't understand you when you say she's a bird. Mrs. Debbins-Oh, she has to go south every winter. Filthy Lucre First Guy-That damnable, dirty paper money: it just sticks to one's fingers. Second Guy-Yes, you're right - not so long ago they gave me six months just on that account. Too Much For Him Mrs. Currie (to husband)--Now, tell me,. dearie, what really made you stop drinking. Currie-Well, you see, last time your mother was here I came home late one evening and saw two of her and that cured me. No Sale The Salesman - A nice birthday gift for your husband, eh? How would this safety bill-fold suit? Im- possible to open it without the key. Mrs. Justweed-Why, I think that would be perfectly horrid. An Expression Misunderstood Benham - I tell you there's "a nigger in the woodpile." Mrs. Benham - That's a funny place to look for chlickens. That's Something Different Again Willie-I have an awful tooth- ache. Tommie-I'd have it taken out if it was mine. Willie-Yes, if it was yours, I would, too. The Parachute Jumper Alights On The Town HalL A Matter of Covering Little Elsie-They're saying that Aunt Lucy is a prude. What's a prude, mother? Mrs. Frank X. Posure-A prude, dearie, is a woman who wears two- inch shoulder straps on her swim- ming suit 8 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER November, 1929 DEAN JONES' SON A Story of Hectic College Life in Ten Parts M. T. (Marvin Theodore) Jones, the wildest boy at Monatauck Uni- versity and the son of Dean of Men Jones tries to warn sophisticated Kitty Parsons, whom lie has adored since he was the teacher's pet, that blonde, baby-faced Rosemary Dale is cramping her style. Misunderstand- ing him, Kitty warns M. T. that "Rosemary's not the kind of girl you want." Hazy from the effects of five before dinner cocktails M. T. decides to contradict Kitty by fallirvg for Rosemary. His father, who has in- advertently been invited to the Kap- pa Beta House for dinner that even- ing, takes him home to tell him of his own shortcomings when a stu- dent M. T. promises to go slow. Later he calls up Rosemary for a date and is disheartened by her re- fusal. After dinner M. T. automatically followed Billy up to his room on the third floor. He accepted Billy's flask and was apathetically swallow- ing its flaming contents when Billy suddenly grabbed it away and threw it into a bureau drawer. Ray and Chuck came in, grinning as usual. Billy only shared his booze with special pals wike M. T. And no one blamed him for that because the stuff was darned expensive. Besides M. T. was financially able to return PART TWO By Doris Daly the favor on certain occasions. Ray and Chuck, living away from ihome and not possessed of an inherited income as was Billy Cash, were per- petually broke. "Did we interrupt the usual pro- cedure or were you, by any chance, celebrating the Wolves' recent vic- tory?" Chuck, a big, blonde fellow, who never expected anybody to be hurt by his quips, wanted to know. M. T. began to laugh to himself. He had entirely forgotten that the Monatauck Wolves had skillfully made the Ruxton Rhinos succumb to a 20 to 0 score. His interest in Rose- mary at the game - gosh, he could still see those big blue eyes inspect- ing him critically as he took that flask from Alta Prince - had rele- gated football to the back of his mind. Billy, who was as fond of Chuck as he could be fond of a boy who never got drunk, laughed, too, arid reopened his second bureau drawer. "In honor of the occasion,', he said passing the flask to Chuck- who characteristically exclaimed as he held it aloft, "Here's to old Monatauck's wolves. Long may they shave - I mean wave." Ray Baird, his slimmer and dark- er shadow, drank, too, and, then passed the flask to M. T. But M. T. returned it to Billy. Remembering Rosemary again he remembered that talk with Dad. He'd make her re- spect him some day, even if she didn't now. He'd quit drinking and next year go out for the team. He had the build. The boys were kidding hirn be- cause he didn't want another drink. "Aw, Hell, shut up", he told them. How about a game of poker, Billy. I'm no fish." Chuck grinned at him again not satirically, but this time, approving- ly. Later, when the addition of two or three more fellows had made conversation between two inaudible to the rest M. T. told Chuck about Rosemary. Unlike Billy, whose na- ture was extraordinarily shallow considering its conviviality, Chuck understood. "If I could make the team next year, Chuck, she ought to respect me, don't you think? Aw-I know that sounds dumb. Like one of these fool movies. But Dad said they wouldn't take me on account of the booze. That would prove I'd reform- ed-" But Chuck didn't think it was such a dumb idea. "What if they do make movie plots out of a situation like that," he said. "I guess it must be based on real life. And you konw action's speak louder than words." Some minutes later Chuck added, "I'm thinking of going out for the team myself next fall. That is if I can buck the grades. I couldn't last year. But I'm really going to try, Jones." Walking home rather early M. T. remembered that Chuck had called him Jones. It gave him a feeling of relief that someone had discarded M. T. those two initials standing for his first and middle names lbut real- ly symbolizing his character until Rosemary Considered It A Gesture Of Friendliness When Benson Put His Arm Around Her. November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER 9 a week ago. He had been pleased with them then. Arrogant that he was known as a drunkard, as the wildest boy on the campus. Funny how a woman can influence a man's life. Rosemary would be to him as mother had been to Dad. He could imagine himself telling Dad that in a few monh. They would both adore her. Never liked Kitty much, "That saucy Parsons child," mother used to call her. And Chuck would be their friend - the kind you asked over to dinner often. Not Billy. But suddenly M. T. realized how ephemeral were his dreamings, for he was passing the brightly lit Sig- ma Theta House. Intoxicating or- chestral strains failed to sooth his rising agitation. He stood motion- less, watching the dancers passing the wide window. He thought or imagined that he. saw Rosemary being wafted often from one black arm to another. A tiny, blonde girl in a shell pink dress, all crinkly. From the sidewalk she looked like Rosemary. But he hadn't thought about her being popular - that is a wow. The first time he saw her he had been faintly disqusted as he was about curly haired, pink-eyed poodles. It was her absolute inno- cence that had appealed to the hid- den fineness of his nature. Not many fellows had a hidden fineness. Then, as if to satisfy his curiosity, the crinkly shell pink dress appear- ed at the open door. In the glare from the porch light he saw that it undeniably was Rosemary. He knew by the way she looked up, wide-eyed, at that curly-haired Barry Benson. And Benson put his arm around her as they leaned against the porch rail. M. T. crossed the street and pro- ceeded home to-avoid being seen. Of course, Rosemary considered it a gesture of friendliness when Benson put his arm around her. He would- n't be mad if it had been just across her shoulders. But around her waist. Rosemary didn't know that every fellow wouldn't understand why she let him do that. It burned him up to think of a kid like her loose. Well he'd call her again next week. She'd have to give him a date sometime if only to get rid of him. Then she'd see how different he was from his reputation. At least she hadn't been lying.about her date tonight. But to his joy M. T. didn't hve to call up Rosemary again. He met her quite unexpectedly on the canm- pus one afternoon the next week He was plodding toward the library after his last class for the day when a neat little figure in a pink felt hat and a bright blue slicker passed him with quick little steps. He recognized her at once, of course, but was silent, fearful of her atti- tude toward him. But she turned and smiled shyly. "Marvi-in Jones", she cooed, no, tinkled like merry silver bells on Christmas trees. "I didn't know it was you until I passed." M. T. smile4, hesitating, oddly, for words in the presence of a pretty girl. Marvin didn't sound obnoxi- ous the way she pronounced it with the accent on the last syllable. "I'm going to the lib," she said at last. "Lib. Oh, you mean library", she giggled as if the abbreviation were his own invention, "Mayn't I go with you. I mean I was going, too." A pair of plump robins chirping for worms as they hopped in the grass sounded like the voices of angels to M. T. as he tucked her notebook under one arm and her rosy, soft little paw under the other. On the library steps they met Chuck also going to study for a change. M. T. introduced them" Miss Dale meet Mr. Allen". "My name's Rosemary", she sang with her adorable naivete. Chuck looked at her harder and grinned. M. T. began to see why other men might think her precious. In the library they separatel be- cause the men had to sit on one side of the high ceilinged room and irls on the other. Crouched under a reading lamp M. T. surveyed the myraids of other lamps piereing the gloom with their circular hlhIt. Down at the extreme end, wbere he couldn't possibly slip her a note as he went to the reference .lesk to cool sult the dictionary in the center of the room, sat Rosemary. Deciding that the situation was more cheerful than he had a right lo expect, he opened, a heavy torne entitled "The History of Medieval Europe". "I like your taste Jones. She's a cute little mama, all rightn" Chuck interrupted him., Then he couldn't study. How erass to call Rosemary, " "na. it no moreltted her than girlie did Kitty Bu chuck couldn't help being crde in spite of the fact that his character was coparative!f spotless. Chuck rarely dated, never.samoked, ilcdan drank and occasionally indug in poker with a ten cent limit. Yet, M. T. thought that he himself, who had been something of a devil, more thoroughly understood the exquisite- ness of Rosemary Dale. About a half hour later Chuck in- terrupted him again with a dig in the ribs. "She wants you." M. T. looked up to see Rosemary smiling at him from the dictionary. Grabbing up "The History of Medie- val Europe" by one cover, he almost bounded toward her. "I just can't seem to study this afternoon", she said ruefully. I thought I'd better tell you I was going-because you know you might wonder what happened to me since we came together." The adorable, loyal little thing. M. T. stared as if he were seeing an angel. But then one doesn't often en- counter a girl like Rosemary. She jammed the pink hat on the back of her yellow curls, "Good by", she said rising. "Well, I'm going with you." He was emphatic. At the door they saw that it was finally raining after a day of low hanging clouds. M. T. hailed a taxi although Rosemary said she had been wearing her slicker all day just to get it wet. Although, of course, she would rather not risk her new hat in the rain. They went to the Monatauck cafe. Rosemary padded to a dim, rear booth because she said that she looked such a fright in her rainy day clothes. The absurd little crea- ture! After he had given their order M .T. settled back to enjoy his luck, first lighting a cigarette. "I think your rude", Rosemary ob- served very gravely. "You're the only boy I ever knew who never asked me if I wouldn't smoke, too." "I'm sorry?," M. T. knew she was kidding. "But I thought I'd be wast- ing time." "Oh, I do think it's nice you don't believe in girls smoking", she ex- claimed. "Wy, you wouldn't believe that I've gone out with boys who tried o force me tot" M. T. sowled. That sissified Bar- ry Benson with his curist That hypo- critical.president of the Y. M. C A.! "Just tor f- she reass"ed im. "I've often toaghlt I would like to try just fo ffn., But, of course, when jpeole act le that!" With the devil of his old self (Contijned on page 20) 10 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER November, 1929 tst Cannibal: Why Do You Say That New Missionary Is Impatient? 2nd Cannibal: Oh, He's Been Stewing Around All Day. & Ye Bygome Days Good Old Lady--"Here's ten cents, my good man; but I hope that I don't encourage you to drink?" Wandering Willie--"Don't worry, kind lay; I don't need any enccour- agement." Miss Plainsmith-Are you going to have your fiance present at your announcement luncheon? Miss Mainchance--Sure thing! He hasn't yet acknowledged it before witnesses. Flora--Cyril Sappe says my beau- ty is intoxicating. Fauna-It may be for him; he has a weak head. But don't worry, dear; the Volstead law can't touch you on that account. Dry-Cleaned By Dough Housemaid-I am glad to see you have such nice clean hands, Maggie. Maggie-Yes, aren't they? But you should have seen them when I start- ed to work up the dough for the Echoes Of The Past Policeman-Hey! Why don't you 'get up? Are you drunk? The Other-Naw (hie); not me. I've (hic) just forgotten w-w-which nd goes up-shee? TO MAKE YOURSELF POPULAR AT A BRIDGE GAME Turn over a few cards in shuffling them. It prolongs the game and starts conversation. Be conservative-always refuse to raise your partner's bid. After the play has begun, ask what are trumps. If you can't trump your parner's ace, at least throw your king on it Never keep your atten- tion centered too closely on the game it misleads your partner into think- ing you are familiar with the rules -and allowing your mind to wander will give it some much-needed ex- ercise. After the hand has been played, hold a lengthy post mortem, show- ing your parner where he could easily have made five tricks instead of one. It will make a big hit with him and put him in a good humor. When you are dummy, be non- chalant! Pick up a magazine and read a paragrph or two, it shows your indifference to the outcome of the game-and gives your friends the impression that you have money to burn. The fact that your partner is losing, too, should cause you no concern whatsoever. Follow these rules and your career as a bridge player will be "some- thing to talk about" Not Receiving The Maid--"It's the doctor, ma'am. You sent for him, you know." Mrs. Verivane-"I know I did, but my eyes are watery, my nose is red, my lips are blistered and I look too much of a fright to have him see me. Tell him I'm not at home." But You Ought To See Her Now Mrs. Nextdoor-I hea yo were lucky enough to secure a green maid. Mrs. Hiram Offum-That was last Monday. Since then she has had access to my rouge, lipstick and my eyebrow pencil. Looking for Money Ella: When are you to be married? Stella: Whenever the man in the case gets his salary raised to a point where he will not fd the alimony I expect prohibitive. Too Soon To Be Captain The Paying Teller-"Do you know this lady?" Mr. Justwed-"Really, I can't say. I've been married to her only a month." Romanticism vs. Realism She (wistfully)-"I think this is the most wonderful month in the year. I wish it would last forever." He-"So do I. I have a note which falls due on the first." The Humanizing Influence Mr. Multikids-"I tell you, old fel- low, it does a man like you good to get out among his married friends, surrounded by their children. Gives him kindlier thoughts and all that sort of thing, don't you think?" Mr. Oldbach-"Sure thing! These little devils make me think far more charitably of Herod." Still Missing The Police Sergeant - "I think we've found your missing wife." Mr. Henry Peck-"So? What does she say?" The Sergeant-"Nothing." Mr. Peck-"Says nothing? That's not my wife." A Suitable Place Landlady-You seem quite fond of soup. Boarder - Not necessarily. My physician recommended the hot wa- ter cure. Abel: I Dreamed Of You Last Night I was Just About To Kiss You When I Woke Up. Mabel: You Mean Thing. November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER 11 WHAT NEXT? What May We Expect in the Future as a Result of the Carnegie Foundation Reports Newspaper Advertising Wanted: One good fullback, three heavy tackles, a quarter back with at least an hororable mention on an All- State team. Salary to be arranged. Must not be afraid of work on a hard schedule. White, presenting refer- ences, to Minorka College, Ord- way-on-Eden, Vermont. Position Wanted: All-Siskyou Conference center desires position with some good university. Weight 220 pounds. Intelligent. Can also play saxophone. Refer- ences gladly sent. Address Percy Launcelot Price, Waxton, Wis. Wanted: High school football players. Do you want to continue your football career? Write For- ward Pass Employment Agency of Chicago giving all speCifica- tions. Coaches, alumni, students, boosi your school! Secure the talent oj the profession. We have informa- tion concerning every promising high school and free lance player in the country. Write for rates. Punt and Punt Clipping Bureau, Suite 446-D. Punt Building, St. Paul, Minn. Football players! Join our team and see America. W have games scheduled with teams from coast to coast. We are particularly in need of heavy, triple-threat backs. A glance at our schedule and at- tractive salaries will convince you. Send for details. Great State University. At last! Learn football at home! Be a football player. You may be a potential Grange. Don't hide your talent any longer. Football players of every description are in demand. With our Football Training Course you will be in a position to demand the best Our course consists of Forty-Two easy lessons requiring only two hours daily (you may take the course and contin,ue your regular work.) With all apparatus furnished. A few of the lessons are: "The Science and Value of the For- ward Pass", "The Sixty-Yard Punt and What It Means to You", Effectively Arguing With Offici- als", "Taking Out the Enemy Back and Substituting One of Your Own", and many other all compiled by famous coaches. Many of our graduates have be- come highly paid and famous athletes and playing on the na- tion's best teams. Send for free book, "Football, And Why". - Touchdown Home Training School, Cincinnati. Ohio. A SHORT SHORT STORY 12 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER November, 1:)29 Verily, Verily ._Jim: There's a modestly dressed woman coming up the street. Who is. she? Tom: Oh, that's Crazy Annie. No one pays any attention to her. She's quite harmless. Come Now, Rip Native: Where have you been all this time. Rip Van Winkle: (yawning) Wait till I go home and take a nap and I'll tell you. Some Rinocehorus, Maybe Whiz: Why is the National Bis- cuit Company financing an African expedition? Bang: They want to get some. new designs for their animal crack- ers. Child's Play Editor: What's all this jumble of letters on this manuscript? Proof Reader: The author had his mouth full of alphabet soup and sneezed. Nothing New "No gnus is good news," said Mrs. Gnu as she picked up a copy of Margaret Sanger's book that some explorer had lost. Start the Furnace Nina: This is such a cool look- ing room. Nor: Yes, we have a frieze around the border. Seven, Come Eleven Dinah: What yo' all goin' to gib me foh mah burfday? Sambo: Shut yo' eyes. Now what does yo' see? Dinah: Nuffin. Sambo: Dat's de way it looks to me, too. Bread and Butter Mother: (reading) Little Tommy Tucker, sings for his supper. Bobby: What's his theme song, ma? It's Always New Bill: Let me tell you the old, old story Jill: Don't you love me enough to think up a new one? Doc's Certificate Man with wooden leg (seeking life insurance)-'Doctor, will you give me an examination?" Doctor, after various tests, writes following: "I find that the wooden leg is in fine condition and will last for years, but the man is frail." Chinese Logic He had employed a Chinese cook for many years, and one day, after a particularly good dinner, decided to raise the man's wages. When the Chinese received the in- creased money at the end of the week, he was very surprised. "Why are you paying me more?" he ask- ed. "Because you have been such a good cook," the master replied. "Oh!" the Oriental frowned. "Then you've been cheating me for years, eh ?" THE MONTHLY PRIZE CONTEST Well, well. Money doesn't have the appeal it used to, sighed the Old Man, as he put his check book away after bestowing the prizes of tie month. Seems like those boys Hall, Elfenbein, and Yeager are getting too darn regular with these awards. True they are not enough to make one stay up nights watching, but if a fellow was having a date, two iron men would come in very handy. And hlow about that marcel you were wanting Sally? Don't be bash- ful, just oil up the old typewriter and mail your day dream. Who knows, you may win fame and for- tune. Copy for the December issue should be in the mail not later than the first of December. Hurrah! Thy're off! Under The Table Too 'Mabel: So Belle's going to marry a Dutch boy? Bessie: Yes, she believes in Hans across the sea. You'd Like To Be A Stenographer Young Lady? What Are Your Qualifications. I Have No Brothers And My Father Is Dead. November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER 13 The Old Man and The Cat A Page of Good, Clean Fun, Edited by The Old Man's Son, Jesse James, Jr. Well, Hello Folks! The Cat and I overslept last mownth so we can pro- mise you quite a line of chatter this time. By the way, we note that the famous secret organization, (Chi) of the girls on the campus, is meeting again. Wonder if their policy is just the same? You know last year they used to meet and have friend- ly little chats in Sampson's. Oh yes, the hill drinking fraternity (T N E) recommended the girls to be rushed this year. They certainly got the low-down in a short season. The headgear worn by the members at rush parties is white (by way of information to the curious). Now children we'll tell you some nice little bedtime stories that we've heard about. First of all, we are still wondering what certain girls, who. live in a certain house on Richmond, with columns, were doing, sitting in the middle of the hall floor, about two in the morning, and playing with a lot of paper? Perhaps they were try- ing to fashion costumes to wear dur- ing the cold weather? But we think not, we have a sneaking suspicion that they were pledges performing a pledge duty. In a certain fraternity house, next to a house being quickly built on Kentucky, there occurred a very amusing little: incident one night or perhaps it would be better to say early one morning. A frater of rather pink complexion and sun- colored hair wandered into his own house, strange as this may seem, in a very happy and noisy condition. Whence he came from or where he had been not even he remembers. The' house was extremely quiet for live o'clock of a week-end morninng, this fair young chap) seomed to feoli that all was not as silent as he would have it. He went down the halls yelling at the top of his voice for everyone to be still. This final- ly aroused a brother who felt solitic- ious enough to put him out of his agony. The cat and I take off our hat to the girls on Kentucky. Their motto seems to be, "Get your man", judg- ing by the number of pins put out this season. They really must get them too, for pins aren't generally put out on the good old M. U. cam- pus until Spring. Say, the Cat ask- ed me if I had any idea what these same girls gave one of their house boys to make him feel so good on the night of November 1, year of our Lord, 1929.? We suppose that there will be a lot of friendly tearing of hair and so on, now that the sorority girls in the so very long house on Rollins are to have "across the street" neigh- bors who will have a house just a little longer than theirs. Then too they are such dear friends! But don't be fooled, that's only on the surface. These same girls that live in the new house already built had a party of theirs disturbed Hallowe'en night. It seems that the boys who live in the white house on the hill payed a call and wished to give the girls a present of some extremely live pigeons. When one of the girls promptly protested at this terribe outrage, she was kidnapped with no undue ceremony and carried out of the house. Followed shrieks and yells rather alein to this superior group. But the boys didn't demand a ransotm, as muclh as they favor this sorority with their attentions. Maybe she was one of the cellar gang! The stadiuim seems to draw the usual crowd - at night. Also the open roads and the little by-ways. We even saw a battered old Ford touring car, with two couples in it, cross the creek in front of Lover's Leap to find a better place to have "car trouble". They certainly go far and strong for Love, spelt with a capital . The Memorial sign, in front of the columns, was used for a public sign board during the campaign. There arc( those who wonder if the sorori- ty mentioned as good hunting grounds was using this as an adver- tisement or if some dumb hicks were just trying to be clever? The eating clubs around Provi- dence and Burnham are somewhat perturbed at the coming presence of a group of neighbors on Burnham, who are entirely too distinguished by their "yell" and their mode of dressing. It seems that there is no possible means of discouraging them moving into this neighborhood as they are carefully completing their new home and paying daily visits to it. The best than can be hoped for is that they will leave their country ways with the rest of the old things at their old home and be properly influenced by their new gentile atmosphere. The flying or aviation part of this number is about Homecoming. As per usual the collegiate lads indulg- "(Continued on next page) 14 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER November, 1929 USED TO IT The roadl stretched before us like a ribbon in the moonlight; a soft wind was stirring the tall poplars on either side. It was an ideal night and as the snappy little roadster hummed along I surely had the time, the place and the girl. My arm stole around her waist. She didn't flinch, or giggle, or try to draw away as some girls (do. For all the notice she took I mighlt never have touched her. I gave her a dig in the ribs but still she did not stir. I then tried to tickle her but with her eyes on the gleaming ribbon of road ahead she paid no attention. I stopped the car and gave her a mighty hug. "There do you feel that?" I asked. "Oh, yes," she murmured. "I was just wondering when you were going to come to life." "Come to life? Didn't you know I've had my arm around you for the last mile?" "No," she said, "you see, I've been using one of those electric vibrators for the last month and I've got so I don't notice any one trying to tickle me." I PLEDGE I pledlged a fraternity. There was nothing else to do. As a pledge I was supposed to show what a generous nit-wit I was. I lent my brothers ties, shirts, hats, and shoes. They borrowed by car, .s.:d my gas, and dated my best girl. I used newspapers for bed- covers so that Active Jones might not have chills because of lack of At Homecoming I gave my bed to an alumnus. I slept in the bath tub with two other pledges. Its all over now. I broke my pledge. I will lend them anything, ibut I refuse to have them fooling with my cigarette-lighter. Also Conclusion Hal: Shall we write finis to our romance? Beth: Well, you might write, con- tinued in our next. Some Imagination Criss: Why didn't you count sheep jumping over a fence when you found you couldn't sleep? Cross: I did but their confound- ed baaing kept me awake. PHILOSOPHIC POME I cried out to the world: Give me Pain! The cold world, Ruthless, Cruel, Sped on through nebulae Aeon on aeon to Eternity And then some! While the sun set And the dark cloak-cloud Covered all, Suddenly a sword Of light - of light. Broke through! And the teeming world Below, Down below Knew that Tomorrow would come Once more again With joys And sorrows But still no Justice. And people wondered And were sore Afraid - of war - What war? -Grabernick. At A Boyl Boss: So you want of this after- noon, eh? Grandmother dead, I sup- pose ? Office Boy: No, indeed she has two tickets to the game. (Continued from preceeding page) ed in several kinds of benders. One boy who lives in the "hotel" came out the victor in a fistic battle, the worse for wear and with a beautiful eye. The gathering and eating place just off Hitt was the celebrator's de- light the night before the game. Boys with the good old Tiger spirit also other spirit and somewhat influenc- ed by the condition they were in, insisted on leading cheers for dear old Mizzou throughout the evening. Two of them even felt so friendly that they decided it would be a good idea to play with the pumpkins. Oh yes, this is quite a flying sea- son. There is one fraternity, who is even trying to fly high in the social world, regardless of the fact that they didn't have social privileges. They invite the "best girls" to their weeckly dinner parties. And so we sign off, hoping for a clear sky, now that you've read this. One Eyed Connolly Crashing His Last Gate. November, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-AVIATION NUMBER The Old Man Reads "THE GARDEN OF VISION" By L. Adams Beck Cosmopolitan Book Corporation, New York L. Adams Beck has set herself the difficult task of portraying spiritual rather than physical adventures. A convert to the eastern system of mental and physical discipline which is both a religion and a phil- osophy, she presents, in "The Garden of Vision" her second novel explain- ing this system. The first, "The House ,of Fulfill- ment", an offshoot of two non-fiction works on the subject, is an attempt to explain the effects of the Hindoo Yoga upon an impressionable West- ern girl and incidently to impress the reader with its benefits. But "The Garden of Vision" more than fulfills the spiritual life of its heroine, also a daughter of western Protestantism. With an attempt to explain Zen Buddhism, the religion philosophy of Japan, is the story of its energetic revival by a group of brilliant Japanese scholars and their dream of impressing its truth not only upon apathetic Orientals but of converting the entire Christian world through a comparison of its relation to western science. That is an idea for reflection by smug Christians. Obviously it is impossible for the casual occidental reader to under- stand what Zen Buddhism is all about when, according to the author's accounts, it takes months and years of earnest apprenticeship to "get it." Some of its basic prin- ciples are similar to modern tend- encies in Christian religion. Others seem to belong hopelessly to the type of mystery performed by "A, TEXAS TITAN" By John M. Oskison Doubleday, Doran & Company, Garden City, N. Y. This story of Sam Houston isn't only about the fighting man who lielped to found tihe Lone Star state. It is also about a man who was elected governor of Tennessee and whose national prominence as a protege of Andrew Jackson caused him to be twice considered as a can- didate for the presidency. Why Houston suddenly deserted the governorship of Tennessee and1 why he never became the presi!entl of the United States as well as why he championed the birth of Texas, living the rough, crude life of a frontiersman when lhe had been ac- customed to the fine clothes and luxurious mansion of the dandy politican of Tennessee, although he grew up in a crowed cabin and chummed with the Indians as a boy, as indeed he did throughout his life, is explained by Mr.Oskison's very human conception of this Texas Titan. If you are sentimentally inclined the story of Houston's love affairs may overshadow your interest in him as a politician, a fighting man or a drunkard. Four in all, includ- ing three marriages, they intrude through every phase of his life, in- evitably molding it. Howard Thurston. Yet the adher- ents of Zen Buddhism claim to un- derstand the laws which Jesus evoked to perform his miracles. "Weird" is the word which aptly describes this religion-philosophy of old Japan to the western mind. In- (Continued on page 20) "THE MERIVALES" By George Barr McCutcheon Dodd, Mead & Company, New York Among the some forty-five novels and novelettes which he produced in his long career the Graustark series is the most widely known, so much so in fact that George Barr Mc- Cutcheon is regarded by many as a romantic historian of a fictitional royal family. In "The Merivales" he has proved that he can tell a story of an American family. Around old Ur- sula, Spain, the action revolves, and the portrayal of the aristocratic, yet intensely human old lady is a mas- terpiece, excepting that it is reminis- cent of the grandmother in Mazo de la Roche's "Jalna". His understanding of Ella and Joe Bellwilliger, in their teens, yet the parents of twins, is more startling. Ignorantly audacious yet pathetic- ally lovable he has made them to old Ursula Spaine. Likewise Miriam Traffordson, who represents a more sophisticated type of modern youth and David France who is the serious yet modern young man, quite prevalent, yet often over-look- ed today, are loved by this seeming- ly eccentric octogenarian. Thus must McCutcheon, himself, have loved and understood the youngsters of his acquaintance. Although "The Merivales" is no philosphical or moral treatise it does contain an unusual fillip to its plot which lends more attraction to the old lady around whom the story revolves than the outward manifes- tations of her influence on a large family. The Outlaw Editor Edmee Baur Business Manager Wesley Nash Circulation Sam Carter Publisher- J. H. NASH Art Harold Elfenhein Lovan Hall Braxton Pollard Copyright, 1929, by the Missouri Outlaw. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College-Humor magazine. L awrence, noted chiefly as the abode of the Jayhawk. Wel the Tiger likes Jajhawk meat and we feel very, very confident that this year will see the first Tiger victory in the Memorial Stadium at Kansas. It would be the proper fitting to a mediocre year for the Black and Gold. Starting out with a rush that seemed destined to sweep all opposition before it, the team has somehow lost its scoring unch and new seems befuddled when near the opponent's goal. Here's hoping Coach Henry can instill a spirit into the boys before they take the field at Lawrence, that will pile up the largest score a Missouri team has ever made. The boys are able to do it. Come On Give Them A Boost. When this is done we all will be content to feast Thanksgiving Day on the bones of the Sooner. That's always a great game, and this season the teams are evenly matched according to pre-game dope, which is usually wrong. Therefore we are going to win and decisively too. That's one way to demonstrate that Missouri has the best team in this part of the country. Peck Drug Co. Harris' Cafe Coca-Cola Bottling Co. Arrow Tailors and Cleaners Ole, the night porter, was testifying before the jury after the big bank robbery. "You say," thundered the attorney, "that at mid- night you were cleaning the office, and eight mask- ed men brushed past you and went on into the vault room with revolvers drawn?" "Yah," said Ole. "And a moment later, a terrific explosion blew the valt door off, and the same men went out past you carrying currency and bonds?" "Yah," said Ole. "Well, what did you do then?" "Aye put down my mop." "Yes, but then what did you do?" "Vell, Aye says to myself, 'Dis bane hell of a way to run a bank.' "-Thalia. "My father's death was caused by a falling spade." "You mean to say someone dropped a shovel on his head?" "Oh, no! The ace dropped out of his sleeve in a poker game."-Log. CO-OP Chesterfield Cigarettes White Eagle Dairy Co. "The old-grads are putting up with us during the Reunion." "You mean we're putting up with them. They'll be decorating their breaths with everything they can lay hands on." "'They're 'holey a subject for Life Savers." DEAN JONES' SON (Continued from page 9) rising. M. T. handed her his cigarette and Rosemary took a dainty puff. Astoundingly the smoke jetted through her nose. "I didn't know what else to do with it,,' she giggled. Just for fun M. T. explained how to inhale. Breath the smoke in naturally. And Rosemary did. A smart kid. But later that evening M. T. was feeling blue. Rose- mary had given him a date for the next Saturday night. With him, M. T. Jones. But he had taught her how to smoke the first time he had ever been with her. Her first cigarette, she had admitted reluctantly. The kid did like him. But she thought she had to keep up with his reputation-the wildest boy at Monatauck Univer- sity. (To be continued next month) "THE GARDEN OF VISION" (Continued' from page 15) credible it is to our insistence upon practical, concrete explanations. Yet for ages it has said of the universe what science today says: "All things are soluble and changeable - It is idea only." Perhaps, a solution to the problems now troubling the western mind whose religion clashes with his science. Truly a vision. COLUMBIA MISSOURIAN Taylor Music & Furniture Co. College Humor's Monthly Bulletin Click! THE show is on. The December issue takes a bow. A fast stepping, wise cracking performance, with your own Joe College or Carl Campus as master of ceremonies. A last minute news reel, with its college sportlights, a splendid picture of the Uni- versity of Nebraska, smart styles. . . . The feature begins. COLOSSUS, by Hol- worthy Hall, illustrated by James Mont- gomery Flagg, a glamorous novel of college life, featuring a man and three girls; sophisticated things by Eric Hatch and Katharine Brush follow. . Short sub- jects covering modernistic furnishings for fraternity and sorority houses, and all the varied interests of today's college crowd. College Humor's Outboard Races will be inaugurated next spring. Is your college interested in staging one of these colorful regattas and water carnivals? Complete details will appear in our January issue. Perhaps you have heard that College Humor is presenting a number of Gruen Paladin watches to individuals achieving marked success in the college field. Coach Bob Zuppke of Illinois, whose teams have won two consecutive football championships, was the first to be hon- ored. And, by the way, College Humor has a new sports editor-Les Gage, for- merly director ofpublici- ty of the University of Wisconsin, and one of her foremost athletes. Camel Cigarettes