Missouri Showme May, 1954

Missouri Showme May, 1954 Missouri Showme May, 1954 2008 1954/05 image/jpeg University of Missouri-Columbia Libraries Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show195405

Missouri Showme May, 1954; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1954

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Missouri Showme May, 1954 25 cents Budweiser Schepper's Distributing Company Pucketts BAGNELL DAM AREA of the LAKE OF THE OZARKS Swami's Snorts Here I sit and fuss and fret While my seat is getting wet. It's enough to make me fume Teacher can't I leave the room? Why delay me when you know That I simply have to go. Really, teacher, I'm not feigning My car top's down and it is rain- ing. Moe: Wow, what a figure! Joe: Yeah, nice decimals, too! The reason the Romans gave up their big holidays was because of the overhead. The lions ate up all their prophets. Spinster: I can't decide between the divan and the arm chair. Clerk: You can't go wrong on a nice comfortable chair like this. Spinster: I'll take the divan. She was only a meterman's daughter, but she knew when to refuse. MISSOURI THEATRE ERNIE'S STEAK HOUSE Let LYLE'S GARAGE Black and Gold Campus Jewelers Swami's Snorts Sing me a song of ire And sing me a song of wrath. Dieu, que le sond du phone Est hell quand vous etes en bath. There was once an Indian named "Shortcake". He grew very old and he died. A commit- tee of Shortcake's friends went to his widow and asked her if she wanted them to bury Shortcake. She replied, "No, Squaw bury Shortcake." When a pretty girl got on a crowded bus, a pale-faced fellow started to get up. But she pushed him back in the seat and said she preferred to stand. Again he tried to get up and again she pushed him back. Finally, he yelled, "Now listen, lady, I passed my stop two blocks back-let me out!" Delt: Will you marry me in spite of my trouble? Pi Phi: What is it? Delt: Falling hair. Pi Phi: You darling boy! To how much? If he looks you straight in the eye, you'd better do something about your figure. Swami's Snorts Telling some brides what they should know on their wedding night is like giving a fish a bath. 1st. Sigma Nu: Why are you washing your fork in your finger bowl? 2nd. Sigma Nu: You think I want to get grease all over my pocket? Whoever originated the saying, "as clean as a whistle" certainly must not have ever heard guys whistle at dames. The Arabians are supposed to be very intense lovers, but then they do practically everything in tents. An old gentleman riding the top of a Fifth Avenue bus noticed that every few minutes the conductor would come from the back and dangle a piece of string down be- fore the driver underneath. Whereupon the driver would utter profanity terrible to hear. Finally the old gentleman could stand it no longer so he asked the con- ductor why he dangled the string, and why the driver swore. "Oh," the conductor added na- ively, "his father is being hung tomorrow, and I'm just kidding him a little." JACOB'S CAVE PENNANT MOTOR INN The Novus Shop The Brown Derby Editors Ego Thanks for the wonderful re- ception you gave our last issue. Just for the record (a number of people thought the word in Rus- sian across the cover had an evil connotation) the Russian charac- ters on the cover said, "Pravda." As a preparation for our Ozarks Issue we spent three Saturdays down along the shores of the lake seeing resort owners, Chambers of Commerce, and quite a few prospective advertisers. We hope that when you decide on a week- end at the lake, you will patronize these places, as you do our Co- lumbia advertisers. Somewhere in the back of the book (don't know what page yet) you'll find a new column entitled "Just Jazz." Swami has engaged a "young man with a slip horn" as jazz consultant. Actually a column of this sort depends on you, the' reader. If you respond to it, it stays. If you indicate you don't like it or don't care, it gets flushed. So let us know one way or another. Incidentally, if you read Mr. Truman's letter in our last issue you may be interested to know that he proved to be a prophet. Senator McCarthy never did bother to reply. But, to show that there were no hard feelings we sent the Senator a copy anyway. Next month we have another jam-packed semi-parody issue on the classics of literature and art. This issue is not to be confused with either English 30 or 40, and any similarity between literature and our version of literature is not only coincidental, but absolutely ridiculous. We've been planning this one ever since February, and we hope you like it as well as you did the Pravda Issue. With eight down and one to go, we feel the relief that always comes to an editor when he sees the end of the trail over the next rise of censors. We'll save our goodbyes till next month. Hasta luego, hang onto that last quarter for June 2. Joe "Weather balloons or not, Figby, I've still half a mind to run." Missouri Showme Staff EDITOR Joe Gold BUSINESS MANAGER Ben Bruton ASSOCIATE EDITOR Chip Martin FEATURE EDITOR Warren Murry ADVERTISING SALES Bob Brown ADVERTISING LAYOUTS Art Rauch CIRCULATION MANAGER Jerry Powell SALES MANAGER Bill Howard PUBLICITY DIRECTOR Jerry Swormstedt JOKE EDITOR Judy Rose PROOF READER Hal Miller EXCHANGE EDITOR Barbara Jones SUBSCRIPTION MANAGER Barbara Stein FEATURES Nancy Fairbanks Lindy Baker Ben Ely ARTISTS Dick Noel Mark Parsons Barney Kinkade Corky Cole Milt Yeary Bill Hofman Tony Hardin DeWitt Barker Sue Lega SECRETARIES Marlene Hickman Barbara Bryant Doris Wells Contents LAND OF THE SKY BLUE WATER A travelogue on what-to-do and where-to-do it in the Ozarks ALL THE COWS IN TEXAS Warren Murry presents you with a short story about a young man who thought all girls were prostitutes JUST JAZZ A brand new column of musical criticism by Jack Gleason SNARING A MAN AT A LAKE RESORT With Nancy Fairbanks and Warren Murry's script inter- preted by artist, Chip Martin; Swami has home advice for females MISS SHADY THOMPSON Following the tremendous audience reaction to "From Here To Insanity," here's the latest melodrama from the film capital, with pix by "Uncle" Al- Cover by Barney Kinkade Photos by Al Smith, Jack Hodges Volume 30 May, 1954 Number 8 SHOWME is published nine times, October through June, during the college year by the Students of theUniversit of Missouri. Office: 302 Read Hall, Columbia, Mo. All rights reserved nsliited manscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Advertising rates rnished o requestNational Adver- tising Representative: W. B. Bradbury Co., 122 E. 42nd St., New York City. Printer: Kelly Press, Inc., Columbia, Mo. Price: 25e a single copy; subscriptions by mail $3.00. Office hours: 3:00 tio 5:00 p.m., Monday through Friday 302 Read Hall. Forget your classes, tests, and books, Leave all your cares behind you - Down at the Lake with shady nooks, Professors cannot find you. 8 Around The Columns Overheard At a DU chapter meeting, "Nominations are now open for editor of the Missouri Student." Spring Song When the balmy zephyrs blow, lots of things happen ... beer cans clank on Hinkson rocks . . . to- bacco spurts from Tiger baseball heroes . . . people start holding hands in broad (and we do mean broad) daylight . . . Tastee Freez cups are littered all over the Strollway . . . Columbia police start chasing convertibles . .. ballerina skirts begin to rise . . . bare female arms begin to result in bare effrontery . . . tops go down (convertible tops, that is) ... and over all out of the dark- ness Spring whispers huskily- Everybody's doing it. Here and There Why is it that around this time of year you start wishing you were home visualizing a summer full of comfort, money, and few responsibilities? Home now seems like Paradise. You eagerly start counting the days until summer vacation begins. And then, it arrives at last. And what hap- pens? Why after two or three weeks (if it takes that long) you start wishing that you were back in school again with the old gang around, and start counting the days until you can get back in the groove again. Maybe they're right when they start talking about the grass being greener in the other field. All we know is that it hap- pens every time. Telephone Blues Did you ever try to make a phone call and get completely fouled up with wrong numbers? Last week one of those one-in-a- lifetime occurrences occurred. The only saving grace of the whole thing is that it was a once- in-a-lifetime deal, so we won't have to worry about it happening again in the next fifty years. Try- ing to dial our printer we heard a receiver being picked up on the other end, and a feminine voice asked, "What time does the first show start tonight?" Before we could think up a suitable remark another voice chimed in, "The first picture begins at 7:15, right after the cartoon. . . ." Quickly replacing the receiver, we dialed again. This time somebody said, "Dorn Cloney. . . ." And before we could say, "Sorry wrong num- ber," some woman chimed in with, "Where is the laundry I sent you last week?" Disconsolately we hung up for keeps, sat back in our chair and meditated on the pitfalls of modern life. Then we walked the seven blocks down to the printer's. Student Government Goodies With a new administration in SGA students have a right to wonder what new and different things our leaders will accomp- lish. There are some who say that it will be exactly the same as it has always been, but it is doubtful if the students will stand for an- other "do-nothing" administration. We should like to urge SGA to remember that the main debt owed by any administration is not to the few who pulled the wires in the last election, but to the thousands of students who are a part of the University. Let's make sure that Jazz at the Phil is present and accounted for next Fall; let's see that there is no repetition of the inefficiency that resulted in the Banjo Plunkers for Homecoming; let's try to con- tinue the step forward made by the last administration in securing Vaughn Monroe and the Sauter- Finnegan Orchestra for a broad- cast of the Camel Caravan from old Mizzou. Keep asking your SGA officials about things like this. It may give them an extra incentive to know that you are behind them -with a friendly grin, or a loaded shotgun. And putting one little word after another whatever be- came of the poll on admitting Negroes? (And an appropriate quote from TIME-By a vote of 1,128 to 1,120 students at Dart- mouth College delivered an ulti- matum: by 1960, fraternities must either ban from their charters all discriminatory clauses based on 'race, religion, or national origin' -or get off the campus.") 9 Frantic Firefighters On the second Sunday in April somebody in the Phi Delt house called the Columbia fire depart- ment, saying that he thought there was a loose wire someplace, and would they please send a man over to look around. A few min- utes later sirens began howling all over breaking the stillness of the night, firetrucks roared down College Avenue, and crowds of amateur pyromaniacs chased after the firemen. Reaching the house the firemen leaped from their red chariots, and, brandishing axes and hoses, burst through the front door. A rather surprised Phi Delt looked past the puzzled blaze beaters at the numerous firetrucks and chief's cars obstructing traffic in the middle of College Avenue, and simply said, "Really, there wasn't any rush. We're just look- ing for a loose connection." But then it's nice to know that our fire department is on the ball, even though it's a foul one. Astronomical Mickey Mouse We commented once before on the dropping of the course in Astronomy from the University's roster of classes offered. We were critical of the University's in- ability to provide funds for the maintenance of the Astronomy Department. However, we have received information about the course from several qualified ob- servers, who, because of the possi- bility of reprisals, must remain nameless. It seems that this is one of those classes in which pop hour quizzes, and unannounced mid- semesters are administered. Not that this isn't bad enough, but on Friday mornings the class is allowed to celebrate TGIF with ten or fifteen minutes of rousing school songs and card tricks. "Good morning to you. Good morning to you. Good morning, dear teacher, good morning to you!" No M's for Maladjustment One of those nickel psychol- ogists you find in most newspapers recently had an interesting side- light for university students. The question was, "Do well-adjusted college students make the best grades?" The a n s w e r was, "Doubtful. One psychologist dis- covered from comparing person- ality tests and grades that the un- happy, maladjusted students made the highest grades. Students who were in this high scholastic group had no better personalities than those who were on probation for failure!" From this we may easily deduce that anyone who makes an E at old Mizzou had better see his local couch doctor. Embarrassing Questions What does the Student Union Board do with their five figure annual income? . . . Why do the so-called honoraries charge ex- horbitant initiation fees? (ODK please note.) . .. and how is the climate down in Springfield? . . . And why have the local movie houses kept the same ad- mission prices after the big government recreation tax cut? .. Why don't they serve cookies at coffee hour anymore? . . . and what social frat is on the verge of losing its social privileges over what drinking affair? ... Student Sells Out We had fully intended in this issue to pick up our somewhat- severed relations with the Mis- souri Student, since everyone used to have a good time over the ton- gue-in-cheek insults and the Come on up, boys, I think Louie's found something. friendly banter. We were even willing to go so far as to admit that the campus does need a good student paper. The fact that the campus doesn't have one is neither here nor there. However the situation that arose Friday, April 9, makes a comment inevitable. This is not to be construed as a personal attack on the paper, but, rather, as a note of protest for the three or four thousand non-affili- ated students of this campus. On Monday, March 1st, the Student annuonced a new policy for pub- lication. In the future the paper would be published on Fridays, and the first Friday publication was scheduled for April 9. How- ever, that date marked the begin- ning of Greek Week, and Achillies and the boys wanted to announce the Greek Week Queen in the paper-ONLY AFTER THE MASS GREEK MEETING ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON. If the Student would not come out until 5 P.M., each fraternity and soror- ity would buy as many copies as half their membership, provided the Student would be delivered to the house. This was done, and there was no on-campus sale of the Missouri Student, except for copies placed in stores and cigar counters. Now it is one thing for an all-school organization like SGA to buy one edition and dis- tribute it free to ALL students. But it seems to us that the Mis- souri Student, supposedly an ALL SCHOOL publication, sold two- thirds of the student body down the river, when they sold out to the boys and girls from Greek- town. We can only hope that this proves to be a Trojan Horse which blows up right in the faces of our money-hungry colleagues of the typewritter. Paw got number A-1570 'stead o' A-1573 from thet mail order house. Clinical Analysis Have you been to a good hos- pital lately? Hum? If you haven't we suggest that you run down to your local padded cell hotel, or the Student Clinic, for a few weeks rest. Not too many stu- dents take advantage of their thirty day free hospitalization paid for in the Library, Hospital, and Not-so-Incidental fee of $50 they have been doling out each semester. Now, by George, you paid for that there bed. You hustle over and make them let you use it. Especially now that the fee is being upped to the ridiculous height of $67.50. Of course, you may not want to go to bed, simply because you've paid for it. We admit there are disad- vantages which might outweigh the gains. For instance, you might be healthy now, and who knows what you'll be, if anything, when you finally get your money's worth? Slaughter on Grand Avenue It was sad news for major lea- gue baseball when Gussie Busch and the boys decided that Enos Slaughter, the old Warhorse hero had outlived his usefulness to the Cardina organization. Photo- graphs in the Globe and the Post brought home the effect of the trade, as Slaughter unashamedly wept when he found out he had been sent to the New York Yank- ees. It is doubtful if the Cardinals have benefited materially from the trade, and even if they have, we believe they have lost some- thing less tangible, but far more important-namely that spirit that the old Country Boy gave the Redbirds. The fans didn't like it, and we imagine the players them- selves were shocked and hurt. Sometimes it is hard for baseball executives to realize that there is more to the game than the money coming through the gate or the pennant flying above the park, or the batting and earned run aver- ages. There are men like Enos Slaughter.-j. g. THE END 11 Land of the Sky Blue Water If you want to get your sprees on Route 63, turn the nose of that old flivver of yours south toward the land of the moonlight cruise and the mountain dews. Away down south in the land of Lil Abner about forty miles past Jefferson City lies the glorious land of sunshine, moonshine, and health where the trees soar high over the shining Lake of the Ozarks. The lake itself stretches for miles, emanating spokes known as Lake Road such and such onto the encircling high- ways that wend their ways on either side of the lake to Bagnell Dam. For the student desirous of a rest before the grueling task of boning up for finals, the Ozarks affords a quiet crevice from which to peer out at the frantic efforts of civilization screaming all about him. The peace and calm of a lapping lake at mid- night soothes the brain weary with books, quizzes, and party- ing. This brings us to another ad- vantage of the area. For those who have no other desire than to throw a tremendous blast to rid themselves forever of the worry and cares of a college edu- cation, there are numerous mo- tels, resorts and other places where a fabulous brawl may be engendered, at the risk (always present, of course) of being thrown out of the cotton-picking university for unregistered social Your Ozark Paradise functioning. You could register the blasted blast, but that would take all the element of derring- do out of it, and even then you are subject to being forcibly ejected from the University. But either way you've had it. Down in the hill country you can find all manner and mean of entertainment (if you're so thoughtless that you neglect to bring your own) from drive-ins and caves to cave-ins and drives. For the sportsman there are the aforementioned motels and resorts, and as a last resort there is the everpresent art of angling -whether you do it with a hook or a few quick beers. Tennis for the Wimbledon type, horseshoes for the Long Island horsey set, and Croquet for anyone who is ready to croak. That leads us into a discussion of the different kinds of frogs one can find among the bullrushes at the waterside, but, of course, that can wait until after you get there. And you'll hear them. Oh you can bet your J. Edgar Hoover button, you'll hear them! Only a short auto ride from Columbia, and just a.few miles as the crow flies, although you will, no doubt have difficulty obtaining this sort of transporta- tion, unless your old man has got something to crow about, the Lake of the Ozarks truly deserves a Five Star rating. And if you bring your own, you will give it that and more. j.g. All photos on these two pages by Lake Printing Company Photo of the Month "And I'd like you to meet my brother George . . Photo by Savage Studio, St. Louis INSTRUCTORS - RATE YOURSELF 1. Are your lectures bor- ing? . . . How boring? . . . Very boring? . . . English, 30, eh? ... 2. Do you mumble? ... Coher- ently? ... Expect people to listen? . . .Do they? . . . Liar! 3. Do you give quizzes? On the book? . . . On the lecture? . . . Out of your own nimble brain? ... Does anyone pass? . .. Why? . . . 4. Do you grade on the curves? . . . Whose curves? ... 5. Did you write your own textbook? ... Is it dull? ... Are you rich? . . .How rich? . . .. Filthy rich? . Just filthy? . . . 6. Do you take roll? ... Does your grader take roll? . Lazy, huh? ... 7. Are you eccentric? . . .Not just a little strange? .. Real queer? . . . 8. Have you ever been investi- gated? . . Red? . .. White? . . . Blue? . . . By McCarthy? . . . By Ber- gen? . . .Do you buy the Daily Worker? . . . Borrow it? . . . Take it out of the Library? . . . Dirty Commie! 9. Do you like teaching? . .. Why? . . . Have you ever thought of working in- stead? ... 10. How many degrees have you got? . . . One? . . . Two?. . . Third? . . . Oh, Dean of Students, huh? . .. THE END Romano's Kapilana Beach All the Cows In Texas He thought he knew all about women untill... this one came along by Warren Murry The young man yawned lazily, and looked down the beach as he reached for another cigarette. A foursome under the next umbrella howled with laughter. Farther on, a group was yelling to the accomp- animent of a thrown beachball. The crowd at the swimming area seemed to be having a fine time. The noise was not unlike a chil- dren's playgroud. "Just a bunch of overgrown kids, getting off where the kids don't see them playing kids games. Tonight, they will be at the same places, still kids, but playing adult games. "Why must I always be so damned cynical?" he thought. Ever since he had arrived at the resort, it had been that way. Al- ways saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. First, he had mildly insulted the bellboy, and waitresses, and then the other guests. Worst of all had been the girl in the lobby. She had looked both attractive, and bored. He had told her so. That girl alone was reason enough not to be bitter with the world. He kept toying with the thought as to whether or not she 16 actually was the most wonderful person he had ever met. She liked him. He knew that, for she had said as much. He looked at his watch. She was ten minutes late. "Meet you on the beach at three o'clock tomorrow afternoon." That was the last thing she had said last night. He had looked forward to the date with an anticipation which he had not felt for a long time. It was stupid for a grown man to let a relatively strange girl monopolize his thoughts. But, she was different. She was a far cry from the gabby, grabby girls he had always seemed to attract before, and he hadn't recognized it soon enough. The conversation of the night before played through his mind like a phonograph. "You don't really think that all women are prostitutes." She had said it quietly and positively, like a mother explaining the facts of life to her offspring. "Not as far as actual subsistence is concerned, merely at heart." His reply had been genuine, be- cause he had really felt that way. "Women don't give love for love. They don't love, they use affection as a medium of exchange." "You have me confused as to whether you're a psychologist or an econbmist, but you are inter- esting." It had been a good re- ply. Just what he had needed to make him go on. "For instance, the high school girl who dates the football hero because it makes her appear popular. The coed who dates the automobile, the girl who marries for money. All are trading affec- tion for a personal gain. To get to specific cases, last night when you kissed me goodnight, you felt no love for me; you were merely thanking me for taking you out to dinner. In short, prostituting yourself." That had torn it, and he had known it as soon as it was said. "Prostituting myself, indeed! I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I like you, liked being with you. If I hadn't wanted to kiss you, I would have told you so, steak or no steak. If I hadn't wanted to kiss you, I wouldn't have done so for all the cows in Texas." "If I hadn't wanted to kissed you, I wouldn't have done so for (Continued on page 18) Swami's Snorts I've a friend I'd like you girls to meet." Athletic Girl: "What can he do?" Chorus Girl: "How much has he?" Literary Girl: "What does he read?" Society Girl: "Who are his fam- ily?" Religious Girl: "What church does he belong to?" College Girl: "Where is he?" "I draw the line at kissing," She said with fiery intent. But he was only a football player, So over the line he went. * * * "They tell me you can do square roots in your head; what is the square root of 69?" "Eight something." A pretty young woman and a handsome farm boy were walk- ing along a road. The farmer was carrying a large kettle over his back, holding a chicken in one hand and a cane in the other, and leading a goat. They came to a dark ravine. She: I'm afraid to walk here with you. You might try to kiss me. He: How can I with all these things to carry? She: Well, you might stick the cane in the ground, tie the goat to it, and put the chicken under the pot. The girl from Louisiana was in the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been X-rayed?" asked the doctor. "Nope," she said, "But ah've been ultraviolated." * * * As the bra said to the hat, "You' go on a head, and I'll give these two a lift." Knees are a luxury these days. If you don't think so, just try to get your hand on one. J. Johnson Fruit & Produce Co. Swami's Next June's "Classic Issue" LARRY'S OZARK TRADING POST Nathe Chevrolet Inc. ALL THE COWS IN TEXAS (Continued from page 16) all the cows in Texas." The words kept repeating themselves. The phonograph in his mind had a crack in it. Not a profound phrase, hardly a romantic one, but she had said it with such con- viction. That was what made it so bad. She had been sincere, and he had mistaken her for just an- other one. "Buster, you've loused it up this time." He cursed himself out loud. Now he had to see her. He would make it up to her. Tell her that he was thinking of her constantly, and that he was sorry that he had been so unfair. From right now on, she would be treated like the lady that she was. He waited ten more minutes, then started for the bar alone. It was the first time he had ever felt such a maddening frustration. As soon as he saw her again, he would apologize for his past be- havior. He could understand how she would stand him up after the way he had talked to her, but he'd see to it that there were no more misunderstandings. As he perched on the barstool, he felt the worst of all feelings of loneliness. The acute desire to be with someone who isn't available. Their eyes met in the mirror. He turned around and stared hard at her. She looked past him, then turned her head and gazed admiringly at her impressive ex- cort. By the time they reached the stairs, she was clinging to the stranger. The young man jerked around suddenly as he noticed the bar- tender watching both him and the couple. "Handsome couple, what?" said the bartender. "He's the biggest spender this place has seen for some time. Hear that he owns half the cows in Texas." THE END "No, I was calling the dog that." Swami's Snorts Then there's the girl who went out with the president of the Schick Company and wound up with a little shaver. He was burning with love for her until her father put him out. Instructor (rapping on desk): Order! Class (in chorus): Schlitz! Girl drives up to filling station in a rush, leaps from her car, and remarks, "My hands are so dirty, I'm about to pop!" The dean of the law school was very busy and rather cross. The telephone rang: "Well, what is it?" he snapped. "Is this the city gas works?" said a woman's soft voice. "No, madam," roared the Dean. "This is the University Law De- partment." "Ah, I didn't miss it so far after all, did I?" Attendant: Do you wish to con- sult Woosung Portung, the great Chinese mystic? Woman: Yes, tell him his mother is here from the Bronx. * * * He's so dumb he thinks Travel- er's Aid is something you drink. "There goes my gal in both her Jantzen swimsuits from Julie's." TEXACO TOWN H.M.S. SWAMI SAILS THE LAKE By MARK PARSONS Just Jazz by Jack Gleason Perhaps an intro is in order. Since more and more of us today are becoming aware of jazz, (which, incidentally, has been kicking around the good old U.S. and A. in one form or another since the nineteenth century) we feel that a column with the ex- press purpose of selecting for you some of the finer sounds in the jazz record field is definitely NOT out of place in a campus humor magazine. So here it is: a monthly rundown of sides you will want to add to your jazz record collec- tions. LIONEL HAMPTON ALL STARS & THE ALL STARS (ED 598-DECCA) Stardust The Man I Love Soon to be available again on 45 (out of wax since EP) and ob- tainable on 33, this album was recorded at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium in August, 1947. If you don't think a responsive audi- ence makes a difference to musi- cians' performance, just dig this album once. The Man I Love (4 sides blown by the All Stars) is just another concert tune with everybody taking a chorus . . . however, with the addition of Lionel on the Dust sides, this album becomes one of the very finest ever cut. Dust alone is eas- ily worth your three francs. Wee Willie Smith (of Krupa Trio fame) leads off with an ultra smooth solo, followed by the hum- orous trumpet of Charlie (JATP) Shavers, the tenor sax of Corky Corcoran, the bowed bass and humming of Slam Stewart, and half choruses by pianist Tommy Todd and guitar man Barney Kes- sel. All the while the rhythm section, particularly Lee Young on drums and Stewart, is lending able support by supplying a swinging but solid beat. The tre- mendous solo rendered by Lionel (during which the beat is doubled TWICE) is a fitting climax to a great performance. BARBARA CARROLL TRIO (45EP- EJB 1001-RCA VICTOR) Serenade For A Wealthy Widow From This Moment On I Want A Little Girl What's The Use Of Wond'rin' Goodby Good Bait Let's Fall In Love Lullaby Of Broadway With the release of this album, another fine artist (in the person of Barbara Carroll) joins the RCA VICTOR parade of stars. Her dis- covery-she was found playing jazz piano at "The Embers," an east side New York cafe--led to radio and TV appearances. Dick Rodgers heard her on one of these occasions and was so impressed that he rewrote a role for her in "Me and Juliet." She plays, with the able assistance of Joe Shul- man on bass and Herb Wasser- man on tubs, her favorites- lullabies that have made a name for her in N.Y. jazz clubs and are now drawing her nation-wide at- tention. She runs the style gamut -from two fugual passages in "Good Bait" to three-handed Suzie Stephens By Chip Martin "An' just think, honey chile, all this time I thought farm hands were rough." Garner chords, Garner timing and endings, and a Peterson right hand. She integrates all this into a distinctive styling that you'll be hearing a lot more about in the future. JOHN GRAAS FRENCH HORN JAZZ VOLUME I (TE 507-TREND) Frappe' Bananera 6/4 Trend Not Exactly Here is a completely new sound. When I first looked at this one, I was skeptical; I wasn't sold even after the first side. But I began to realize that the french horn of John Graas has a definite place within the "Cool" sounds of pres- ent day musicians' efforts. Graas has a glittering record: first horn player in the Indianapolis Symphony, Rochester Symphony; horn player with the Cleveland Symphony, Air Corps band, Glenn Miller-Tex Beneke band, Claude Thornhill Ork, and last, but not least, the Stan Kenton Concert group. Far from least, in fact, for it was while he was in the Kenton group that he met and exchanged ideas with Giuffre, Manne, Cooper, and especially Shorty Rogers. (Rogers used him in a small group while teaching him to express himself in modern improvisation.) If you are search- ing for the unusual in jazz, you will find it in these four originals! GERRY MULLIGAN QUARTET (EP4-7 -PACIFIC JAZZ) I May Be Wrong I'm Beginning To See The Light The Nearness Of You (Continued on page 25) SUDDEN SERVICE DRY CLEANERS & SHIRT LAUNDRY BRIDAL CAVE 1954 SAVITAR Bridgeport OSAGE BEACH, MISSOURI JUST JAZZ (Continued fromp page 22) Tea For Two Love Me Or Leave Me Jeru Darn That Dream Swinghouse The Mulligan quartet is a typi- cal, swinging product of the most recent trend in jazz. It is com- posed of young men who have taken the best from frantic, some- times unmelodic late 40's bop and developed a new, sophisticated "Cool" sound. Mulligan composes, arranges, and blows baritone; fea- tured on trumpet is Chet Baker, who made an amazing jump to first place in both METRONOME and DOWNBEAT polls for '53. The group as a whole finished third in the 'BEAT under the instrumental combo heading. Mul- ligan doesn't use a piano-only drums and bass back up the two lead men. But the piano isn't missed, as you will observe when you hear these, the finest sides yet cut by the Mulligan Quartet. DAVE BRUBECK TRIO (EP 4006- FANTASY) How High the Moon Squeeze Me Heart and Soul Too Marvelous for Words Here are the best efforts of the Brubeck trio's album series, as four standards are done up in Brubeck's great style. A little bit like the Shearing Quintet in spots? Perhaps. But it takes a fine trio to get as much or more depth as a quintet. Not only did the Brubeck Trio get more depth; (with Brubeck at the 88, Cal Tjader on vibes, and Ron Crotty on bass) it got more votes in the 'BEAT poll, bumping Shearing to second place last year. If you like Brubeck, then this one is a must. If you don't like or are unfamiliar with him, listen to these sides- they are his small group's finest. THE END Patronize my Advertisers Andy's Corner "Oh, brace up, Bradshaw, it isn't that strong." LAKESIDE COURTS THE PIZZA HOUSE Vacation News Swami's Snorts A female customer was criticiz- ing the waiter's suggestions for her meal by reviling the origin. "How about some old tongue, madame?" he asked. "Oh," she exclaimed, "I could never eat anything that came from the head of a cow!" "Pig's feet, perhaps?" suggested the waiter. "No, nothing that comes from the leg of a pig," the woman in- sisted. The waiter thought a moment, and said, "How about an egg, madam?" When a girl says that she's got a boyish figure, it's usually straight from the shoulder. Having been married 20 years, a couple decided to celebrate by taking a little trip. While talking over their plans one evening, the husband now and then glanced into the next room where a little old lady sat knitting. "The only thing," he said in a hushed voice, "is that for once I'd like to be by ourselves. I'd like to take this trip without your mother." "My mother!" she exclaimed. "I thought she was your mother!" As one girl explains it: He's tall, dark, and hands. A sewing circle isn't where most girls make slips. Snaring A Man At A Lake Resort THE WHITE HOUSE The Osage Beach Grand Glaize Swami's Snorts Definitions Gigolo: A guy who dances check to check. Advice: Talking to a person whose mind is already made up. Nudists: People who wear one- buttoned suits. Fireproof: The boss's son. Hors d'oeurves: A ham sand- wich cut in 40 pieces. Bigamist: Foggy day in Italy. Bachelor: Footloose and fiance free. Rhumba: Foot loose and fanny free. Champagne Hangover: The wrath of grapes. Wedding ring: A tourniquet that stops circulation. Sex: The thing that puts writing on a paying basis and makes psychology professors respect- able. Heaven: Farewell Address. VOO DOO half baked by Lindy Baker Tittering coyly, I clutched the sheet tighter and stumbled out from behind the screen at the clinic. Right into the arms of a 50-year-old boy interne. Clubbing his snarling seeing-eye dog over the head with his white cane, he groped his way towards me. Nod- ding at the wall, he said he was going to test my eyes. My eyes had begun to ache already from looking at him. Bingo, before I could say I'm-not-that-kind-of-a- girl in tottered a little old man, staggering under a hearing aid- Dr. Thimble-ful, the ear specialist. He smiled happily when he saw I had one on each side of my head. Suddenly the interne grabbed me in a two Nelson hold, threw me on the table and started to laugh. After awhile he wiped his eyes and managed to gasp out, "What seems to be your problem." I slap- ped his face. By then I had de- cided to go home, I had had enough. I would visit my sick room-mate some other time.. About two weeks after she comes home from the clinic. Last summer the saleslady (Continued on page 32) Barth's Clothing Co., Inc. STARK CAVERNS Miss SHADY THOMPSON Out of the pages of Sum- merset Marmalade, Swami productions brings to the screen this picture based on another picture, based on the Broadway play of the same name, based on the original short story, "Wain." This fabulous treat concerns the peril-fraught life of a poor little girl lost in the wicked old world. It will soon be re-released as "Little Girl Lost" and will star Bing Crossbar. As the Cinnamonscope drama begins, Shady Thompson has just arrived on the womanless island of Wan- nalayee, where U. S. sol- diers protect the innocent natives from the moon- shiners' assaults. Shady knocks herself out for "our boys", who have not seen as fine a piece of choreography since Lilly Christine went straight. Although her dance, "The Shady Shimmy" is a bit bumpy in spots, the boys still enjoy her interpre- tation, and are willing to lend a helping hand. When the free-for-all at the town tavern breaks up, Shady, still rarin' to go, invites a couple of her new-found friends up for a little song practice. Making herself com- fortable, Shady Thompson, a poor girl, and a humble one at heart, who has had few friends in her lifetime, begins to sing a soft lament she calls "The Too Specific Blues," in which she gets too specific. The result is that a passing missionary named Havisome picks up an unhealthy interest in Miss Thompson's affairs. Latest epic from Swami Productions starring Rosie la Rosie and aIl( Jarrin' Warren picture could have ended here, but e getting damned tired of the Hayes :e fouling up our movies, so we de- d to fake them right out of their blue :ils. Just as Shady is about to return ie States to begin her new life in the tentiary, Havisome decides he'd like ave some. And he does. But to atone his wickedness, the missionary does y with himself, which is the best thing ie whole picture. He is drowned with memory on his lips and in his heart. ~1, huh? \fter a few days, during which Havisome -efers to fire and brimstone, Shady begins o see the light. It is in a bar, (the light) 3Ut she resists temptation, and Havisome knows now that she is saved. The re- formed p ..... . .(Hayes Office again) mnd the missionary spend many enjoyable evening in front of a glowing fireplace, dipping their fingers in brisk cups of luke- warm tea. All of Shady's soldier friends iesert her and devote themselves to the ask of getting clobbered. But not Shady. �eneath her unrouged cheeks, Shady is a ady. Havisome bursts in on the party, but they don't seem to want any crashers. He tries to tell them that he doesn't want any of their damned liquor, but they don't believe him and toss him out on his clerical col- lar. However, as soon as he can get Shady alone, he denounces her for what she is, and calls upon her to mend her evil ways and give up her evil com- panions who are leading her down the paths of unrighteousness. But Shady, being a stubborn little lass tells him to go to ... (Hayes Office). Camera . . . . . .. .Al Smith Script .. . .. . . . Joe Gold With the distressing thought of what hap- pened between her and Havisome on the night before, Shady reverts to her old ways again and is once more the toast of Wannalayee. Oblivious to the fire and brimstone which have begun hissing again in the background (through the marvels of Steering Wheel Phonic Sound) Shady picks up her can of island dew, and holds another open house, as the picture ends. The Hayes Office will probably have a catalytic fit, and we'll all get purged, but we stand on the 19th Amendment. The Blue Shop SMITH'S CAFE SMITTY'S BAIT & TACKLE HALF BAKED (Continued from page 29) smote her bony chest and hissed at me in her broken English and chipped French that my formal "Vas Ze only Vun in ze Vorld." It was that new. Last night at a spring dance there were thirteen -no, fourteen orange net-with- green-stripes formals. I counted them on the fingers of my right hand, (only people with fourteen fingers on their right hand are able to do this successfully.) It was like a disease almost. Only worse because no matter how often you closed your eyes the fourteen orange net-with-green- stripes formals didn't go away. Actually there were fifteen count- ing mine. Sixteen, if you include the housemother's. My roommate really must have felt out of place in her black strapless. I was wish- ing I was out of the place, too- anywhere and in anything but that orange net-with-green-stripes formal. Anyway, my corsage was different. It certainly stood out among the orchids everyone else was flaunting. It stood right out in the middle of the floor, as a matter of fact, in a big pot. Where else would you put a six-foot um- brella plant? Seems my date was a little late in phoning the florist and had to take the only thing they had left-a six-foot umbrella plant. Poor dear! The very same thing happened when he called the dorm late to get a date for the dance-the only thing left was me, covered with orange-and-green stripes. The only place he man- aged to get to early was home after the dance. He left at a quar- ter to nine. He took the plant with him.... Both of them were well- potted. THE END Whoa! "No, sonny, Jimmy can't conte out and play with you. He's dead." Stuff Ever since Emmy Lou came back from the city, she won't swim bare anymore. "No, little boy, we don't take Monopoly money!" 33 OZARK REPTILE GARDENS Coco-Cola Bottling Co. of Columbia A Villain, Nell A lesson in ambiguity with foot- notes by Joe Gold O lovely co wed so peteat, Your ayes reveal your fan si's flight. You no the weigh to be discreet. You drink and smoke and play the cheat, And then you lie to make bla quite, O lovely co wed so peteat. Wile boy swill see your very suite, They'll all so know perhaps you might- You no the weigh to be discreet. A par tea girl with Dan sing feat, You'll surely no what you in vite, O lovely co wed so peteat. Wench I did for your gross de- ceit, Recount to all your perfect rite; You no the weigh to be discreet. All though you're chaste when you re-treat, You've only wet my appa tight. O lovely co wed so peteat, You no the way to be discreet. Footnotes for "A Villain, Nell"* *A Villanelle, and our heroine First stanza co wed: coed, and a reason for going to school. peteat: petite. ayes: eyes, and Scotch for yes, a much sought-for statement. fan si's: fancy's and "si", Spanish for the much sought-for etc. no: know, and a negative term meaning "ah-ah". weigh, way, and punch line to an old joke that cannot be re- peated at this time. Second stanza bla quite: black white, and bla being a term for the nonsensi- cal conversation of co weds. Third stanza Wile: While, and in the plural, a feminine way to get one's way. boy swill: boys will, and, on the other hand, boys have been known to swill a bit too. your very suite: you're very sweet, and, naturally a bou- doir. all so: also, just to include every- body. Fourth stanza par tea girl: party girl, and a young lady who comes up to expectations at tea parties. Dan sing feat: dancing feet, Dan-a male, sing-a gay note at parties, and feat-well it's quite a. no: same double entendre as above. in vite: invite made even strong- er-ask in. Fifth stanza Wench I did: when chided, (this is probably the most confusing point in the whole poem be- cause the entire two lines have a double meaning). Wench is our Nell. rite: right, and a second meaning that may have to be looked up. Sixth stanza chaste: chased, or still sweet Six- teen and never been. re-treat: retreat, or do the whole thing more than once. wet: whet, when you get the H out of there. appa tight: appetite, or the whole line can be misconstrued any way you see fit. THE END Campbell's LAKE HOUSE NEWMAN'S JEWELRY OUTSIDE INN! Broadway Drive-In Swami's Snorts Frank: My wife is extravagant, always nagging, runs around the house sloppy and doesn't un- derstand me. Fred: When did you meet the other woman? The convertible swerved to the curb, stopping near a sweet young thing walking along the shoulder of the road. "Want a ride?" the man shouted. "No thanks," came the answer. "I'm walking back from one now." Two old friends met on the street. After greeting each other, Jones remarked to Smith: "You look sort of pale. What's the matter?" "Oh," replied Smith, "I had a dreadful experience last night." "What happened?" asked Jones. "Last night, upon my return to my hotel room, I opened the door and there on my bed was the most beautiful girl I ever saw." "What did you do?" "What did I do? I called the manager and had her thrown out! What would you do?" "The same thing you did, but I would't lie about it." Lulu is easily upset. Her mother was frightened by a canoe. Jill: The man I marry must shine in company, be musical, tell jokes, sing, dance, and stay at home. Jack: You don't want a husband -you want a T.V. set! Nothing robs a man of his good looks like a hurriedly-drawn shade. Many girls leave nothing to a man's imagination and everything to his self control. "Yes, Mrs. Gridley, everything's fine. I have the situation well in hand." Swami's Snorts He had the thoughest job in the world. He sold sleeping pills at Niagara falls. * * * Freshman-Her motto-"Mother knows best." Sophomore-Her motto--"Death before Dishonor." Junior-Her motto-"N o t h i n g ventured, nothing gained." Senior-Her motto-"Boys will be boys." He: May I join you madam? She: Heavens! Am I coming apart? Little Billy's pet turtle was the light of his life. Day after day he and Tubby would romp and play happily with each other. Then one day Billy found Tubby lying on his back motionless and still, and he was hysterical with grief. "Now Billy," said his father, "don't feel too bad. We'll give Tubby a wonderful funeral, and we'll call it a party. You can have all your friends and play games, and Mother will serve ice cream and cake." Billy sniffed and dried his tears, but just then he looked at Tubby. "Daddy," he said, "Look!" The little turtle moved its legs feebly in the air and finally man- aged to right itself. Billy watched and then looked at his father and said, "Daddy, let's kill him!" DRAKE'S DRIVE-IN TALLEN BEVERAGE Collins Dogwoods Cafe and Midway Motel The Larry-Don Excursion Boat Swami's Snorts Two cockroaches lunched in a dirty old sewer and excitely dis- cussed the spotless, glistening new restaurant in the neighborhood from which they had been barred. "I hear," said one, "that the re- frigerators shine like polished silver. The shelves are clear as a whistle. The floors sparkle like diamonds. It's so clean.... " "Please," said the second in dis- gust, nibbling on a moldy roll, "Not while I'm eating." Familiarity breeds attempt. Prosecutor: Now tell the jury the truth, please! Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?" Defendant: I didn't want to wake the children. S.A.E.: Did you ever take chloro- form? Kappa: I don't know, who teaches it? A fireman's life Is far from Drear, Now that nighties Are made so sheer. Swami's Snorts Ed: What sor-t of part does Bill have in the play? Ned: A very emotional part. In the last act he has to refuse a drink. "That's the guy I'm laying for," muttered the hen as the farmer crossed the yard. The College Girl She wants to get married just to prove she can. She doesn't want to get mar- ried just to prove she doesn't have to. If she doesn't, they'll say she can't. If she does, they'll say her career is ruined. He was so bashful he took mis- tletoe along on his honeymoon. Parkade Life Savers Calhoon Furniture Co. Contributors' Page Bradys SHOWME STUDIO marlene hickman Lucky for a change, Swami finally drew a queen pretty enough to take the biggest pot home--although she firmly re- fused to allow him to set one curled toe inside Johnston Hall. It all happened last September when Marlene Hickman timidly ventured into the rear of the Savitar phone booth, known vaguely as the SHOWME office, and asked to see the editor. When no sharp weapons were dis- covered on her person, she was ushered into the great white father's presence. He, in turn, blinked, opened one rheumy eye, and blinked again. Marlene has been business secretary ever since. Marlene is a nineteen-year-old, red-headed Kappa who lists Clin- ton as her official residence on all her charge accounts. A freshman in Arts and Sciences, Marlene says she was quite surprised to meet so many fresh men during her first year here, mostly junior and senior boys. Planning to major in education, Marlene says that "If worse comes to worse," which means if she isn't married within the next four years, she "can always teach school." This is usually followed by a long shud- der. Until then she goes her way, spreading sunshine and being busy as homecoming queen candi- date, at present an IFC queen candidate and a television model. al smith Men curse-women pale-and 'mid anguished wails of "But it looks just LIKE me," Al Smith, Boy Photographer, continues to hand in his monthly assignments for SHOWME. His whole opinion of the matter is summed up neatly when he says "I'm a fighting Irishman from way back-way back from the fight under a table usually." And that's how he met Swami. But when it comes to taking excellent photographs, Al is way out front of the crowd. A shutterbug for years, a few of which were spent in the army overseas, he learned all about the bees and the "birdies" when he was just a kid in Arizona. Now a graduate student over in J-School, a rare but easily housebroken breed of wild animal, Al also holds a Master's degree in Psychology. This keeps him from going com- pletely nutty after photographing a lot of people who want to look like movie stars all day. Most of them look like Rin Tin Tin, but "you can't tell them that, or even make them look like that," Al says sadly. It all boils down to "What God hath wrought-retouch." After he leaves Columbia, Al would like to start a newspaper, one with good news coverage, good English, and good pictures, of course. All we say is don't for- get to tell Dean Mott the date that it goes into operation. RCA VICTOR Camel Cigarettes