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The Showme October, 1920; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1920

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The Showme Debut Number Volume I, No. I October, 1920 "HOOP LA" The Rollicking Minstrel Frolic Put this on your Social Calendar For November 3-4 A "Big League" Gloom Exterminator, Joy Provoker and Laugh Provoker. Watch for Announcements. Auspices Columbia Elks Proceeds to Charity Fund "I understand you've cut out your K. A. rival with that Kappa girl." "Ye-ah, it looks that way." "How'd it happen?' "Oh, she had a birthday last week and all he gave her was a platinum wrist watch." "Well?" "Why, I gave her a pair of silk hose I bought at Woolf Brothers in Kansas City!" "Gotham Gold Stripes," $3.00 Taylor Music Company THE PALMS Victor Barth Clothing Co. OUR DEBUT A debut is a moment when the cast-iron nerves of mighty men shiver like a shimmying swain when first he hears a jan refrain. When Chris Columbo sailed away, they thought that he had gone to stay; poor Chris was inn an awful fix, he made his debut in the sticks. When Benny Franklin flew his kite, all day long and half the nite, the Ladies' Aid said, "That's too bad, he's such a harmless looking lad." Ben's debut was an awful shock; it boosted General Electric stock. The debutant of olden time was not confused with jest and rhyme. His thoughts were not of paste and shears, but of goodly ales and beers. He did not have to advertise his stuff among the other guys, they trailed his steps from morn till night and bought his shares of stock at sight. He had no office rent to pay; he wined by night and dined by day. But now there comes a valiant crew of youths to make their own debut. They are not hailed by heralds bold, their-credit is no good, we're told. Old Alma needs a magaz2ine to warn the proud and coach the green, to spread the news of old Mizzou from New Orleans to Hulabaloo. These lads are well equip- ped to handle the latest bit of campus scandal; they cover every walk of life from Tiger Talk to sorority strife. We'll fill you with the best cartoons, jokes, rhymes, sometimes, and long lampoons. Our aim in life is to make you laiTkh, yours till we blow, THE "SHOWME" STAFF. The Showme THE SHOWME IS ON SALE AT THE PALMS, THE MISSOURI STORE AND THE PENNANT. FAILURE TO RECEIVE YOUR COPY, IF YOU ARE A SUBSCRIBER, SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE SHOWME, GUITAR BLDG. PRICE $1.75 A YEAR All contributions should be sent to the office of the paper. Manuscript should be typewritten, if possible. The art editors will gladly give any advice necessary as to the scale on which drawings should be made. THE STAFF G. H. COMBS, JR., Managing Editor HARRY MANN, Associate Editor GERALD F. PERRY, Art Editor ARCH ROGERS, Associate Editor FRANK HOUSTON, Art Editor BUSINESS DEPARTMENT EMIL NATHAN, Business Manager WILLIAM TWEEDIE, Circulation Manager TAYLOR HARNEY, Advertising Manager ERNEST GARTH, Assistant Advertising Manager Contributors to this issue: J. WILLARD RIDINGS J. B. BERGER PAUL F. SIFTON ROBERT SNEDIGAR ERNESTINE PARKS F. R. CLOUD I. BROWN FLORENCE V. Cox Laboring under the handicap of a nine dollar office unadorned by furniture, the editorial staff ig- nored the deadline and consequently the first issue of the SHOWME is late. And as we don the conventional sack cloth and ashes, so we invite criticism, kindly you understand, from our readers. This is your project as well as ours. Without your support, criticism, praise and pecuniary help, the SHOWME will founder on the rocks of financial disaster, silently fold its covers and steal away, unwept and unmourned. With your support it will take root and flourish with the progress of old "Mizzou" throughout the coming years. May the praises of Allah be upon you, and your conscience be the guide. Since neither the Democratic nor Republican national committee, through ignorance or willful neglect, has attempted to subsidize the editorial columns of the SHOWME, we announce with a feeling of righteous indignatioin, that until some party (I. W. W. and Sinn Fein included) entices us to become "tainted with the mire," this publication will have no political affiliations. It is immaterial whether Harding or Cox or both make the innaugural address March 4. Whether the League of Nations is consigned forever to the junk pile or travels merrily over the world attached to the left leg of the dove of peace, the price of paper will not be changed. There is only one vital issue, one para- mount provision, which the voters should consider. Undaunted, unbribed and secure in the knowledge of cham- pioning a worthy cause, we advance the platform, LET THE CHILDREN HAVE THE VOTE. THE SHOWME 5 Members of the faculty agree that unless steps are taken in regard to its enforcement, the honor system which was tried out with dubious success last year must go. The Student Council, believing this system is for the best interests of the University, is preparing a publicity campaign explaining its aims and calling on the stu- dent body for support. No amount of publicity will save this form of student government unless the full co-operation of every student and faculty member can be obtained. Halfway measures will not suffice. It is not wise to set one standard for the freshman and another for the upperclassman. Every man or woman in the University must govern his or her own actions or the "honor" will be discarded, leaving only the skeleton system to cover a multitude of examination papers. H. M. JOKE CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT It's a hard job for two or three people to write their way through thirty pages of a magazine and still try to giveyou a laugh or so on each page, but a hundred contributors ought to be able to do it without a struggle. The Showme would like to have you among that hundred. To arouse interest in the paper pub- lished exclusively in the interests of Columbia students, we are offering these prizes for the best jokes sent in to this office before October 20th. For the best joke.................. --............ $.5 For the second best -.....--.--.-----...... ....--- $3 For the third best .....-...-----......... $2 And for the next five we will give $1 apiece. Here's your chance for fame and fortune all in one large gob. Wrap a cold towel around the old think-box, park a swarm of cigarettes within easy reach, oil up the fountain pen and see if you can't convince the world that George Ade and Irv Cobb are a couple of kerosene circuit pikers. THE SHOWME, Guitar Bldg. Columbia, Missouri 6 THE SHOWME Ethel: Didn't you love last night ? Mable: Nope. Didn't have a date. SUGGESTED CURRICULUM FOR A MODERN SCHOOL OF HIGHER EDUCATION 1QT oR 2PT MILK WAGON DRIVING;. A con- plete course in the theory and malpractice of driving a milk wagon. Laboratory experiments in the mixing of milk and its affinity, H20. Given in conjunction with course 23PDQ. 2000 COAL MINING: How and when not to mine coal. Practical experience gained by viewing photographs of mines in actual operation. Includes an intensive study of the miners' union. A student completing this course should be able to instinctivejy demand higher wages whenever the thermometor reg- isters zero. Given in conjunction with course 23PDQ. UR12 PROFITEERING: In this course all of the advantages and disadvantages of the life of a profiteer are presented to the student, that he may be able to decide the question for himself. Laboratory studies of the profiteer are considered unnecessary as examples are sufficiently numerous in daily life. However, it has been deened advisable to give a few concise il- lustrations of non-)rofiteers. Given in conjunction with course 23PDQ. 13SP THE ULTIMATE CONSUMER: The how and why of the ultimate consumer. The said con- sumer 1 is presented to tile student in the best manner and with as little real information as is possille. Stu- dents taking this course' will not be admitted to course 23 ,1PDQ. 2T2T RAILROADING: The variouls lbranches of railroad employment are taken ulp one by one, from car-tapper to president, in the order of wages paid. Special emphasis will be lplaced on evolving a theory for ultimatums which will wNork as readily with ipri- vate ownership as they did under governinent control. Given in conjunction, with course 23'PD)Q. O CONGRESS: The study of this branch of our government will place special emphasis on the Senate, from the viewpoint of how to put ,off until tomorrow what ought to be done today. Methods of voting on bills with an eye to re-election will also be considered. 2.75 PROHIBITION: A treatment of the subject from a historical, standljoint. Laboratory examples of the causes which brought about this great movement. Classes will meet in the basement. On account of the extreme scarcity and high price of the causes the laboratory fee for this course will be $100 and the membership will be limited to 50. (Note: Course is subject to withdrawal without notice in case of ex- haustion of cause.) 23PDQ BUCKERINE: The intricate art of pass- ing the buck; conversely known as holding the sack. How to clear yourself of any and all accusations and leave it to the other fellow, to explain how it all hap- pened. This course is considered of primary impor- tance because of its present-day universal appllication. -J. Willard Ridings. AN OBITUARY. I sing no praise of Johhny B.- Died later than he orter- I merely say in an humble way, He was a better drink than water. THE SHOWME Ace-High 8 THE SHOWME THE GRAND PASSION Quietly she lay at my feet, her eyes amorous with desire, green points of light boring remorse- lessly into my very soul, awakening dead pas- sions and stirring into open flame the smoldering ashes of a yearning, long-suppressed. A low moan, half of entreaty, half of aching want, escaped her. And I did it. Yes, I did it-shamelessly, defiantly. Stooping tenderly, I picked the damned cat up and put it in bed with me. "Ils ne passeront pas." INTERESTING CONVERSATION. A man of pleasing words to hear Is Thornton Blivens Pickets; When going to a movie show he says, "Just let me buy the tickets!" VERY BITING Eric had sunk into the luxurious bed early. Get- ting married was, after all, a strenuous proposition, and he was naturally fatigued after a day of wed- ding, wedding breakfast, rice, railroad train, and in- cessant love-making. Camille, obeying the eternal feminine, was still fingering the white ivory on the dressing table in an effort to add a few touches of radiance to her dazzling beauty. The matter had weighed on his mind all day. He was inclined to be conscientious, and he MUST tell her. He pulled up the cool, white sheet, and tried to shut out the unpleasant thought, but he couldn't. She must know, sooner or later, and he had as well get it over with tonight. He glanced at her. She was very tempting to look at, with her scanty negligee clinging like a wet bathing suit to her supple form. It would be hard to tell her-and on their first night, too. But he must. So he sat up in bed, and coughed. "You have a cold, dear," she said softly. "No, Camille. I have a confession." The pretty bride paled slightly, and turned sud- denly. around. Could it be that he-the man whom she considered. the purest and noblest-could it be that he- "I must tell you," he said cooly, "why I married you." "Oh," she said with a slight sense of relief. "It was not your divine form," .he said, "though God knows you are a knock-out in the nothingness you wear." She buffed her finger nails with great presence of mind. "It was not your conversation, either, for you are a terrible bore, my dear." "I've always been told that," she said calmly. "Your nose is not straight," he added, "and so I was not attracted by your face." As Fate would have it,, she smiled. He fairly jumped up in bed. Once more was there that gleam of passion in his eyes. She had smiled! ' "Ah, there it is!" he almost shrieked. "I must confess. I married you because of those perfect, those pearly, those magnificent, those heavenly, those divine teeth! Camille, you have the most beautiful teeth in the world. I married you because of those teeth!" Gratitude shown in her eyes. "Yes, dear, I think my teeth are rather fascinat- ing," she said as she took them out of her mouth, and -laid them on the ivory dressing table. THE SHOWME 9 SEZ WHICH? We met her on the campus; There blew a gentle breeze. She didn't have to vamp us, She had dimples in her Elbows. The next time that we saw her, We got six separate shocks. She was sitting in the porch-swing, And we watched her roll her Fellow's cigarette. Yes, she was good to look at, For coming home last night, We saw her before her window, And she hadn't turned out the Bulldog. But why continue raving? We know it isn't right, Still we have an awful craving To see that girl Over in the library sometime. Mrs. Casey Says It With Flowers. AT MISSOURI U. (A freshman viewpoint) Registration, Paying fees, Initiation, "Squad at ease." Freshman caps, Being razzed, Sounds of music, Mostly jazzed. Needing money, Wooden checks Note to sonny, Raising-heck. Watched a paddling, Took one, too- Another sad thing- Black and blue. Two silk hose, At first a thrill- But of seeing those I've had my fill. Walked to town, One dark night. The Sophs were down There too, all right. Ran a block, Jumped a wall. Got a shock From the fall. The sophmores found me, Nine of them. Then they downed me- Parker Mem. Up at seven, Class at eight Got-(opposite Heaven) For being late. Side walk painting, Thrown in jail. Came near fainting When dad went bail. Gassy profs, Regulations. Husky sophs, Revelations. Half-baked sergeants, Nutty "lieuts," Lungs with large vents, Shiny boots. Lots of dates, None for me. Denser Pates, Another fee. Study, drill-work, Tired as-well, I'll have to shirk,- There goes the bell. -F. R. Cloud. Prof. (of 8 o'clock class) : How do you miss this class so regularly? She: Just will power, sir. PROBABLY IN A SHRILL FALSETTO, Too. Stude: What excuse has he to offer for his loud clothes? More Stude: He doesn't have to make any excuse: they're noisy enough to speak for themselves. Harry-Must have been a wild house-party last week-end. Mary-Howzat? Harry-Just heard Jane say she didn't have a thing to wear Satur- day morning. "Talk about teachers being un- derpaid, just look at the swell new car in front of Prof Small's house." "That's not his car; it belongs to the guy who collects the install- ments on the Prof's library." Celeste: I ran up stairs and lost all my breath. , Unconscious: Why not run downstairs and get it all back? Some say *it's, "education," Some call it just a joke To me, it's aggravation To find I'm always broke. -Daffy. 10 THE SHOWME Grace believes herself to be a mem- ber of the recently conceived third sex. She speaks in a strained bass voice suggestive of nothing so much as the plaintive bellowings of a yearling bull. The bold mark of Bohemia is on her wardrobe. Armed with a bow of sin- cerity and arrows of thought she is feeling the initial inspiration of a sec- ond Joan d'Arc. Her aims which are becoming cosmic in range, may, in time, telescope to the four confines of the kitchen, or, perhaps, they may not. In either case she will make life misera- ble for those around her for contribut- ing to bring about her future state, whether it includes corned beef and cabbage or the more ethereal, though not more fragrant, mental food of the exotic Bolshevist. Among us is Young Rockefeller, he of the father with the bloated purse. His course of studies were arranged during a lull in his social career. He will major in women and make an ass of himself in divers ways. His women will be the fairest of the flock. He golfs, he loafs, he loves, he succeeds, beyond all expectations, in playing the part of an imbecile. Would we trade places with him? We would! CAMPUS CURIOSITIES Although Bill is a novice at pool, he boasts that he plays only with the boys who wield the most poisonous cues. He does. He plays with, but be- hind, them. We see him here trying to reconcile the law of averages with a failure to win anything but the good- will of the proprietor. The boys unan- imously declare that they enjoy playing against Bill. He is the best antidote for old H. C. L. they've found. Clarence used to be a nasty man with the cantering cubes, but under Janet's influence, has degenerated into an aesthete. He spends most of his time groping for the meter in Amy Lowell's free verse or chasing the elusive fourth dimension around his lavendar-draped sanctum. But the irony of it is, that since he's grown temperamental, Janet has gone and engaged herself to the ice-man. And now Clarence is trying to look disconsolate with one eye and search for a convivial game of "stud" with the other. The effort has given him a bad squint. He says he's hors de combat and thirsty. His compan- ions agree that the latter is a natural ailment, either in or, out of love. THE SHOWME Eloise is our champion vibrator. She records more palpitations in a ten- minute tete-tete than a seismograph during ten months' service in the quake region. Right now she is assur- ing a downy-cheeked freshman that she would be thrilled to death if he would dance with her at the next As- sembly. From his expression we sur- mise that he would like to take her literally. As a mental massage she ri- vals Pompeian. Some lay a heavy convulsion is going to leave her in splinters. FRISKY FORMULAE FOR FERMENTED FROLICS. (Submitted in a moment of inspira- tion by the Showme's Domes- tic Science expert.) T. N. T. PUNCH. Black gun- powder apd glycerine provide the best base for this beverage. After they are whipped into a sirupy con- sistency, add sulphur for coloring. Finish with'bichloride of mercury and season plentifully with detonat- ing fuses. Should be served in tested steel mugs, on which a fitting decoration would be a spade and coffin, worked up into an hilarious motif in black, thus preserving the artistic unities. DYNAMITE BUCK. The name is misleading. It is too mild in its implications. In a gallon jar of gasoline crumble two sticks of am- bitious dynamite and stir into a creamy parfait. Sprinkle with ground glass. When finished, charge with electric battery and drink while still effervescing. This is a well-balanced drink, the gas serving as foundation, the dyna- mite the kick and the electric cur- rent the initiative. Guaranteed to dispel ennui. Has all the authority of a swarm of discontented raisins in a corked-up bottle of Herpicide. ;Will leave no visible after effects- that is, not until search is instituted for the remains. WHITE MULE COCKTAIL. Four teaspoonsful of wood alcohol, a pint of citric acid and a dash of sugar- coated cyanide. Shake well before using and ornament with a floral design along the line of "GATES AJAR." Warranted to make the human anatomy look like a futurist painting in full flight. LITERARY FIZZ. Add Thacke- ray, Pope and Chambers to a boil- ed mixture of Shakespeare. Gar- nish with Chesterton and Amy Lowell. Season highly with Boc- cacio and a pinch of F. Scott Fitz- gerald. Devastatingly dull, but deadly at short ranges. Will re- sult in mental gout and gradual paralysis of the thinking faculties. Brains are of no use.anyhow. George says he and his girl un- derstand each other. Well, that's more than any one else does. Visitor-Can you tell me where the courthouse is? Stude-No, they always take me direct to the jail. "What's that fellow doing alone -on the corner?" "Holding a class reunion." "Oh, yes. Correspondence School." "Do you knbw her very well?" "Yea-plead guilty. I know her so well she can afford to cut me on' the street." He was lucky at craps tonight. Rather a case of snap judgment, I suppose. Kathryne dances always just outside the reach of her many admirers, caus- ing more flunks each semester than a Prof with an ingrown toenail. Ex- plaining her seductive mannerisms, she says that later, in that somewhat in- definite period when her life work shall have begun to take shape, she intends to immortalize in verse, or, possibly, in marble-Kathryne's particular niche in the world of art not, as yet, being defi- nitely located. Kathryne may not marry a plumber, or even a clerk, in fact, we doubt if she ever marries at all. Thus, sometimes, are the follies of youth thrust back ;upon us in the form of fulfilled desires. 12 THE SHOWME He-What's on your social cal- endar for this week-end? She-Two parties, a dance, and a nervous break-down. THE SHOWME HOW OLD ARE YOU? Startling Discoveries of a pseudo-psychist. Do you really know how old you are? Such things as mere birthdays or even birth records can tell you nothing of the age of your inner-most being, your psychic self. A noted pseudo-psychist, Doctor I. C. Spooks, has come to the aid of a suffering world. He is able to tell you, by the pursuit of six simple exercises, your real age. The first exercise is for people who think they are somewhere between the age of one and one hun- dred thirteen. This exercise is the simplest of the group. Let the candidate take a sliced banana be- tween the upper and lower teeth, fasten a pair of roller skates on the hands, and skate around the block backwards. BE CAREFUL NOT TO SWALLOW THE BANANA! If you do, the entire psychic ef- fect is lost. ()f course the candidate will fall and be injured severely. If the first word you say when you recover begins with D- you are very likely MORE THAN EIGHT YEARS OLD! If a co-ed, it is safe to say that you have been out of high school at least one semester. The second exercise is for people whose age is variable. It is a great favorite with chaperons, as it is a test of the eye, ear and memory. Let the candi- date kneel and read the following with the right eye: Abraham Jordan is was and will be is that a fact she responded winking her hairnet was on the dresser did it seem? Read this backwards with the left eye: Cholliebwamshesometimesomedontsomedosomegal. At the same time sing some patriotic fir such as the national jazz and whistle "Old Black Joe" or some equally stirring selection. If you can pass this test successfully and remember how old you thought you were before you started, you are undoubtedly a little older than that and if not married, single. Exercise three is for co-eds only. It can be prac- ticed in the classroom or any place where the students are accustomed to sleep. Doctor Spooks suggests a ward-robe trunk as the ideal experiment station. Close your eyes and dream for about ten min- utes. If he is tall and a blonde, you are between the age of sixteen and seventeen; if he is dark and short you mttst be somewhere between seventeen and eigh- teen. If you have no imagination, then you do not belong in school. This exercise is a sure winner, as all co-eds are between the ages of sixteen and eigh- teen. First-He put his arm around me five times last night. Second-Some arm! -Widow. Grams and Epigrams Motto: "Truth so long as it's entertaining and in- sincerity so long as it's plausible." The perpetrator of this column pleads guilty in advance to any charge of flippancy or untruthfulness that may be brought against him. It is obviously im- possible to be both honest and clever. We prefer to strive after the latter effect, not because it is rarer, but because it is being done in our best intellectual circles. Integrity will win one a place in the heart of the corner druggist, but a shallow cynicism will land him either in Congress or Vanity Fair. Earnestness is the hallmark of stupidity. If you would gain a reputation as a wit, or even as a man of genius, you must be illogical enough to be believed. The falser the reasoning, the more brilliant the conclusions. Falsity is more blessed than truth, and those who can lie most convincingly shall inherit the earth. Voila. A cynic is one who says scathing things about some one's else wife; a philosopher is one who can still say pleasant things about his own. The contents of the cellar in the well-to-do home before the drouth included everything from kindling wood to wash-boilers. Now a cellar is just one long gurgle. The outstanding characteristic of colleges in'gen- eral is that the people who work hardest have no sense of humor and those who are most capable have- no sense of duty. The latter is the more encouraging phase; it illustrates the growing sanity of the gener- ation. Some one has said that a man'is great in pro- portion to the number of his poses. If it's true, a good, hard-working photographer ought to turn out geniuses at the rate of about three an hour. Why anyone should wish for immortality is still an unfathomable mystery. Immortality merely per- petuates our mistakes. Honors for pure, unadulterated laziness are even- ly divided between the man who wants to. tie his shoe- strings by hypnotic control and the goof .who insists on blowing his kisses . 14 THE SHOWME ADVICE TO FRESHMEN 1; Beware of any stranger who seeks to give you counsel; free, of charge. If his advice is bad, it will. lead you into trouble and dis- grace and if it's wise, you won't follow it. Shun him who would admonish you to be virtuous, for unto the virtuous shall come all manner of torment and boredom; likewise, beware of those who urge you to be wicked, lest you be hailed before the Disciplinary Commit- tee, where grievous punishment shall be visited upon you, yea, even unto booting you out of school. 2. However great the induce- ment, don't drop into the disas- trous habit of study. Inevitably, it'll get you down and a good po- tential loafer will be transformed into a student, a most horrible fate, as those who have survived it will testify. Your three major interests should be poker, women and picture shows, devoting only what spare time you have to your work. It is vital that studies not interfere with your college education. In watching the dom- inoes roll over on a mean natural, you experience the moral satisfac- tion of having achieved some- thing, just as when you steal your arm lovingly around some lissome waist you instinctively suspect that SHE has achieved something. It is far better to have played goat gracefully to some pretty girl. than to wear all the Phi Beta Kappa keys in the. world hanging.on your vest. And there are more doing it. 3. Sparking, petting, fussing, dating--and all the other names by which the immortal pastime is known-should be indulged in as, freely as your pocket-book will permit. That recitation you made in class will soon be forgotten but the record you hung up for con- secutive dates will live long as the target for lesser men to aim at wistfully. Think of how much moire satisfaction you'll get from the knowledge that you're consid- ered the best poker player in school than you could derive from some frivolous thing like winning a musty, and wholly useless, schol- arship. Be broad. But, even bet- ter, be careful. 4. Write plenty of wooden checks. This practice, if wisely followed, will enable the bankers to become familiar with your name. Then, when in need of money, you can go immediately to the bank to borrow it, as the cash- ier will be able to identify you. Banks just dote on lending money to individuals who have taken the pains to make themselves known in this way. Also, remember that the bad check-writing habit is a great convenience to thp local merchants. They can keep more exact track of who owes them. Clarice: Do you approve of the Volstead Act? Misfit: Well-er-no. I never en- joy vaudeville. "Was the pitcure show good?" "Oh, immense. Three wrecks, a murder, a boudoir scene and a bank robbery." Professor: Describe the mob scene in Julius Caesar, Mr. Dum- bell. Dumbell: It was a riot, sir, a riot! "Very few girls would consider marrying you." "Perhaps, but I'd be perfectly satisfied with a few." She: "I understand that Mable is an excellent swimmer." He: "Well, not exactly, but she looks good on the beach." An unusually precocious youth suggested that the present coy habit of rolling stockings to the region directly under the knee may have grown out of a desire to make the "first national bank" more ac- cessible. THE BOTTLE Oozing lim long-forgotten odors, That tempted and tantalized me Almost beyond restraint It lay there on its side- That wondrous bottle. It was not of cut crystal No silver filagree decked Its dirty green glass sides, But that 'ingratiating perfume And the half cupp of holy fluid within Made it infinitely more precious to me Than all the fabled treasures of New Spain. That is they did until My lustering eyes gave my nose the lie And read the fatal red-white label, "Wood alcohol." -Robert Snedigar. THE SHOWME 1l "Rome was not built in a day." 16 THE SHOWME A REVERIE Aboard the good ship "Alcohol"- outside the three mile zone. "A foamy wisp of smoke, a faint aroma of near- jasmine and the veiled, amber lambency of soft eyes." -Lines from an unwritten play. The prow. bends to meet the indigo swells as they slide under us, cradling the ship in an undulanting, rhythmic motion. The hills, between which the bay hangs dancingly, are stained the purple of twilight and feathered at their crests with the sun's lucid gold, as it hovers on the tl.ain edge of the horizon. A night opalescent and delectably mysterious, perfumed with the spices of Romance. A night for love and un- expected shoals and coral reefs and high-seas piracy. Into the reaches of the ocean pour the mellowness of* a thousand stars, crisply refulgent. Above us broods the serenity of resignation to the lyric union of heav- ens and sea in a fatal conspiracy of enchantments. Dinner, an ornate, disingenuous affair, was just completed. I was leaning against the railing, watch- ing the churning froth scudding froin the propellor. She had sat opposite me at table. I was intrigued by the dexterity with which she handled her soup spoon and still more envious of the ease with which she manoeuvered around a refractory squab. Then, too, her face was vaguely pretty and her arms rather nicely modeled, their soft contours enhanced by the filmy stuff of her dress. Being an idealistic rather than an observing admirer of feminine beauty, I forgot to notice her eyes, although I had the impres- sion they were a velvety brown. I recalled, however, the warmth of her coloring and the artless grace of her little finger, crooked over a demi-tasse. Very obviously a girl of refinement and culture. I preened myself on the acuteness of my discernment and de- cided to fall in love. I did it with a commendable thoroughness. My devotion, though silent, was praiseworthy in the extreme. I chivalrously proceeded to idealize the young lady, investing her lavishly with the most out- landish fascinations, pouring into my conception of her personality the attributes I had never seen real- ized in anyone, much less, a woman. A fragrant, sophisticated composite. Sympathy shone in her eyes, understanding lurked mirthfully about the corners of her mouth, vivacity rested impudently on the piquant tip of her nose. Having drawn all the details in accordance with my pre-conceived portraiture, I gloat- ed over the product. Here was the sort of girl who would not be tomorrow what she is today, but who would always be today what you want tomorrow. A little form slipped up beside me and I quailed. It was she, fragilely pretty, almost ethereal in the ap- parent disembodiment of her charm. It floated misti- ly about her-an aura so vaporous that it scarce seemed possible for it to be associated with flesh and blood, however daintily contrived. She had the poise and the restraint of geniuus ,the hauteur of the patrician and the reserve of shy maidenhood. I gasped in delight. Slowly her lips opened. Rapture engulfed me; I was in transports of anticipatory bliss. "Say," she asked tremulously, "ain't this a Hell of a keen night?" I shuddered. LOCHINVAR O young Lochinvar is come out of the West; Of all the hot sketches this lad was the best: And save his good line he weapons had none; He worked all unarmed, and he worked all alone. So faithful in love, so dauntless in war. There never was knight like young Lochinvar. He stayed not for blow-out, and he stopped not for gas, Everything on the road did young Lochinvar pass; But ere he arrived, Ah, curse ye his luck, The bride had consented, young Loch got the buck. Co-eds are such a silly lot. I love them. Some are plump and some are not. I love them. Tho you tell them lovely rot When you've spent quite all you've got- Off with sometone else, they trot. I love them. -~Minnehaha. DISILLUSIONMENT A frosted bit of glass, cut into arabesque scrolls and mosaics, lay before me, while at my feet shone a glistening brass rail, the parking place of many eager shoes. Behind the rail, stood a rectangle of polished mahogany, invitingly hospitable. A drink, cool and ambrosial, tinkled in its fragile glass. ..... But the frost was on my window pain, the rail on the foot of the bed and the strip of mahogany, the * staid old bureati:in the corner. The drink-ah, the drink. Alas, I must have dreamed that! THE SHOWME THE SOUL KISS -And then he clasped her in his arms, Those great strong arms of his, Clasped the maid so full of charm, And then-that last, "Soul Kiss!" In drama, comedy, or mystery play, The end is always this. The triumph of a hero) bold, And then--that last, "Soul Kiss!" Oh, that I might invent, perchance. Another sign of earthly bliss, And change that wornout movie end, That overworked "Soul Kiss." -J. B. Berger. SNIQUEY A lad with a splendid physique Shaved not for many a wique, This was, I presume, The cause of his dume, For he was shot for a Red Bolshe- vique. He: Have you been out to watch football practice? She: Only once. Really, I don't think the fellows look a bit cute in those short trousers. 'TISN'T IT SO! Biggest girl-crop ever had Prexy happy Students glad. Trouble coming Sad to tell Cokes are ten cents- Aint it Hell? A Missouri editor remarks that "Women dress more attractively and less modestly every day," Nothing like an honest confession. O black ard sinister figure- So ill proportioned and well-con- ceived- You beckon to us Darkly And lead us into the blind alleys of Experience, Unmindful of our youth And our innocence. From the recesses of Style Headquarters- That dark and terrifying domain of Fashion- You emerge, Sinuous, seductively impertinent, To cast an ominous shadow On the contentment of A bachelor's life. Little maid, Scorn us not so utterly. We are not so young- Not yet so old- As to be blind to your charms. But yet, one thing worries us More than all our concern Over your contempt for us. For your own good, ,We can only hope that- Those buttons don't fall .off! THE TEST OF AN ACTRESS. She: Is Frances in love with her husband? He: I doubt it, but if she is, she's clever enough to conceal it! CONVENIENT BLINDNESS. "Evidently Hardfist hasn't been married very long." "Why ?" "He still insists his wife isn't ex- travagant." Dad: What is the difference be- tween the Engineering and Law schools ? Son: Just the difference be- tween a straight line and a circle, sir. S. O. L. 35th: "Joe got a D. S. C. in France; what did you get?" 89th: "I got $6.45, the flu and prohibition !" LOVE STUFF. "Cutie, beauty-tootie wootie, Honey, bunnie-girl divine, Lovey, dovey-from abovie, Darlin' dear-say you'll be mine." "Sweetie, tweetie-deary boy, Wooin', cooin'-sugar plum, Kissie, huggie-'ittle buggie, Chummy, dummy-love me some." "Darlin', dearie-'ittle cheerie, Say that you'll forever be, Jus' my 'ittle-" "YOUNG MAN, CLIMB DOWN OFF THAT PORCH, AND GO ON HOME. IT'S TWELVE- THIRTY." -J. J. B. 18 THE SHOWME - What If He Shouldn't Follow Me?" LONG-HAIRED STUFF. (After the Style of Vachel Lindsay.) The bell, brazen bell, sends its cold, hoarse note O'er lakes of sound, in a small, brown boat. While men, careless men, hear its tone of brass And speed their steps on their way to class. Ding, ding Hear it ring, Hear it ring, Ding, ding. I understand Katherine's dis- guise at the masque ball wasn't very effective. No, you could see right through it.. School is a paradise, long drawn out, Soil where knowledges should seed and sprout, Long days, short days, sleepy days all, No height to sink from and no place to fall! Hear the bell With its knell, Hear the bell Ain't it hell? She-These short skirts are an optical illusion. He-Zatso ? She-Yes, they make the mend look longer. "WHERE'S A REASON" Is it because she's a modest soul That her dress is cut high Or that she wears a stole? No, it's not because she's a modest soul, It's mostly because she has a mole- On her neck. A reason, too, for her long skirts we seek, Perhaps her under-pinning is weak. We hardly think so; We blush as we speak. But between her two knees A piggy could sneak- She's bowlegged. There are other things, also, That puzzle us now, and Later, perhaps, we'll ask When, where or how We think, at the present, She would not allow- Us to ask her. Tiny: I wonder why she rouges so heavily? Jack: Her husband's in the hard- ware business and she makes a peach of a sample for barnpaint. With a knife and hours of bore- dom We can on our desks enshrine Our own names and leave behind us Proof of what we spent here- Time. A CASE FOR BLUE JAY. "Evelyn's feet just fly when she dances." "They seem to. They've been volplaning on mine for the last hour." First Lounge Flea: How good a dancer is Constance? Second Cootie: Fine. I had her out in the conservatory for three encores last night at the ball. THE SHOWME IT'S A SCHOOL AS WELL AS A RELIGION T-Hound: How are the Christian girls this year? Heavy: Aw, you can't fool me, there aren't any of 'em these days. Sentimental Wife: Oh, look at the moon! Isn't this a wonderful night for lovers, dear? Friend Husband: For lovers, yea. Let's go home-we're married. Instructor-Do we import any raw material from France? Wit (a la critic)-Only plays.-Burr. " 'Tis shameful," said a dowager, "The way that Minx behaves. Her style is so conspicuous, The very ocean waves." -Chapparral. AT THE OPEN HOUSE. Mae: "Evelyn is such a bore!" Rose: "Yes?" Mae: "Yes; I didn't'have a chance to say a word!" One night when Jack and Polly sat, Bathed in the moon's soft ray, He tried to steal a kiss. Alas, Her furs were in the way. Next evening, as before, they sat 'N'eath the star-spotted dome. But though the night was 32 She left her furs at home. -,-Punch Bowl. WHAT SHALL HE DO? If you hold her hand she may think you foolish. If you don't she will wonder why. If you kiss her, she may think you a cad. If you don't she may think you slow. If you offer her a cigarette she may be offended. If you don't she may think you consider her puritanical. If you tell her of the women you've met, she may think you a rounder. If you don't, she may think you've had no ex- perience. If you tell her she is the first you have loved, she may think you lie. If you tell her she is the first you have kissed, she will know you lie. Now, what is a fellow to do? -Penn. Punch Bowl. She-I don't like to ride with you. Your driving is too reckless. He-Yes, we've had some tight squeezes, haven't we ? -Record. LACK OF CONCENTRATION "Pilcer absolutely ruined that pint of Scotch he had stored away." "How was that?" "He split it up into eleven drinks!" OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS BUT ONCE The professor and his good wife were having a little spat. She wanted a larger allowance and he wouldn't hear of it. "And just to think," she flung at him through her tears, "I could have married a railroad con- ductor if I had wanted to!" To resist temptation when it is least insistent is to run the risk of accumulating sufficient moral strength to hold out against it when it is really worth- while. The only safe course is to keep surrendering. Some lad, wise beyond his years, avers: ,"A kiss is one thing that always carries its face value." 20 THE SHOWME BUGLE AND VIOLIN A September afternoon, When trees and grasses Drink up the sun Ravenously As an aging maid Grasps for and hoards Men's dwindling admiration For her passing ripeness. Within the dormitory At the other end of the hall Someone is playing a violin Without on the campus Buglers are practicing their calls. The violin is luring- Ah, there goes Fleurette Into the Cafe D'or. Hi, Jim! Did you see That one? What's her name? I saw her in the Rue Garbetta When the Fokkers came over Last night. She kissed well. The bugles are blowing Drill- Hey, lemme in here! Well, I'm damned! What th' hell do they Think we are! We've only been out Two day. Them replacement wops Aint never had on monkey-masks. . . . Cripes! aint this the lousiest war You ever was at? Papa-Daughter. Daughter! Isn't that young man gone yet? Daughter-No, father, but I've got him going. -Chaparral. The bugles are still The violin sobs on. Singing of live buried things Lilting of loves That were hot When the stars were younger And the Ninevah roofs Lay newly naked Under the sweep of the moon. Chanting of wars Moaning of heartbreak Felt dumbly back there In the Russian night Tumbling with passions Pulled out From the scrapheap Of the Happened. Until the bugles are forgotten In the pulsing of the song. Allons! Sweeping through the murky hall Comes the swirl of wings Made of young music. Into the room Out of the window Into the future, Singing whirringly in flight Of loves Beyond and beyond and beyond. Straight, Straight as a baby's stare, Into a place where the trees And the grasses Will fight For the last Hot kiss of sun And then die Because they must. Cutting up and up and up Toward the top Of space. . The bugles are blowing Again. -P. F. S. Friend (at funeral): It must be hard to lose a wife. Bereaved (emphatically): Almost impossible. THE SHOWME COMME SI--COMME CA I. Strolling of an afternoon I chanced on girl and boy, Engaged, I ween, in silent spoon, -And they were Like this. II. Strolling in the twilight dinn, I passed that self-same spot, And they still sat, she next to him, Of me, unaware, or heeding not. -And they were Like this. III. Strolling of an evening cool, I happened past that place, The moon rose up like night's great jewel, And threw some light upon the case. -And they were Likethis. --J. B. Berger. Frosh-"That girl must step out quite a lot." Soph-"Where'd you get that idea ?" Frosh-"She told me she was specializing in the Social Sciences." He-"I am surprised that you remember me." She-"You ought to be flat- tered." He--"I could love you to death." She-"Thanks, I prefer to die naturally." She-"Isn't Dorothy a peach?" He-"How do you mean, rather soft and sweet?" He-George and Mary are cer- tainly close to each other. She-Oh. Are they dancing again ? "Mrs. Gasley is a great gossip." "Yes. She has a keen sense of rumor."-Blighty. First Stude: Oh, I don't know, I guess some of these landladies have their good points. Second Stude: That's the reason they stick everybody, I suppose. A pretty fluff, in clothes a few, \Vent strolling down the avenue; A frisky youth, in accents bold Did ask to walk with her, we're told. Decline she did with all her might And, sad to say, did launch a fight That left our hero, debonair, Quite gasping for his absent air. "O villain, flirt and cheerful liar An introduction we require." Beneath the rain of slaps he quail- ed; While alternating oaths with wails, He sought to offer just a plea For his ill-timed temerity. But then a smile burst through her tears- A smile that brightened all his years. She was humble then and quite contrite No longer did his chin she smite. "Why I, dear sir, your cause es- pouse, For I met you at Open House!" BUT ANY OTHER TIME "I'm from Missouri, you'll have to show me!" exclaimed the maiden. But in such a situation as this this magazine would 'scarcely fill the bill. There is a man in our town, And he is wondrous "wised," What he can do with raisins and- Oh Boy, you'd be surprised. -Juggler. Par: Does he play a good game of golf? Bogey: He doesn't play at all- he merely thinks he looks well in knickers. There was once a freshman who looked human in a frosh cap; who didn't wear trick clothes, who didn't major in porch swing strategy; who hadn't secretly re- solved to set the school on its ears, but he didn't come to Missouri. Taxi Driver: This old ark of mine is getting so noisy no one'll ride in it. Hearse Driver: Huh, I aint had a kick out of my passengers. Mabel: I wonder why she is so popular? Filbert: She's got a sweet smile, a cheap taste in cigarettes and a wonderful recipe for home brew. He: "How do you like your new chaperon ?" She: "Even better than we ex- pected. We knew she was slightly deaf, and we have discovered that the old dear can't see very well either." 1.-Did the girls' clothes come up to expectations. 2.-Yes, and about two inches higher.-Widow. THE REASON. She-George, you looked awfully foolish when you proposed to me. He-Very likely I was. -Opinion. 1921-What do the Freshmen do with their week ends? 1922-Put their caps on them.- Tiger. Stude-How'd you make out in history? Dent-Flunked. Stude-Howzat? Dent-Shudda read "My Four Years in Germany" by Gerard, but all I read was "Three Weeks." -Chapparral 22 THE SHOWME An Intercepted Letter Dear old goose-egg: Greetings from a brother in thirst. Prohibition may come and go but the hankering is with us always. Have staggered my way home from one of these catch-as-catch-can, toe-hold-barred tussles at Assem- bly, nursing a pair of mistreated feet and an ingrow- ing grouch. I never realize how 'many enemies I have until the music starts and a horde of foes-both sexes-launch an offensive at my most sensitive ex- tremities. The carnage is awful. After ten minutes of scrimmaging the survivors emerge looking as dain- ty as a flock of Belgian refugees. And I limp off, bested and bruised. Though, though, before I sought my downy, that I might rip off a few lines of breezy conversation anent things in general around the "Quad." They aren't like they used to be. Somehow school seems like a cross between a tea-fight in the Ritz and a dis- couraged cemetery campaigning for hew clients. But then life has its compensations. I've a nasty tempta- tion to spread a lot of vulgar, scandal, mention names 'neverything, but' I don't want to blight anyone's fair life and the remarks I could make about some of our erstwhile celebrities would make Eddie Cicotte and Joe Jackson emerald with envy. Besides, I have no desire to get hauled up before the local judiciary for disturbing the peace. Since one of our leading citi- zens was arrested for trying to refine gold out of sour-mash, the hunch persists that if I said too much, you'd see your old side-kick disguising himself as a zebra, making little ones out of big ones and chang- ing his style of dancing from fox-trot to lock-step. Bend an attentive ear. The other day I saw a little lady strolling down Broadway with her skirts flirting perilously with her waist line. Honestly, knees meant nothing in her young life. She had only two of 'em, but what she had were good. Business was tem- porarily suspended while the procession was on. Now Joe, you know that ain't right. IT AIN'T RIGHT, that's all! She is going to die an awful and unnatural 'death from exposure. Then, there are about ten oth- ers who do a Lady Godiva between the Palms and Epidemic Hall, unmindful of the sad fact that silk skirts are no match for the curious eastern sun. Why, Joe I was embarrassed, actually embarrassed! I'm calloused-but I'm not blind. I'll have to confess that most of the girls are adequately dressed, but a few of 'em rival the burlicue queeins who march around the stage singing "America, I Love You," apparelled chiefly in a golden smile and a wooden spear. Oh, education, what crimes are committed in thy name! The other day I ran onto a couple locked in a frantic death clutch in one of those booths where ro- mance abounds. They were as coy as they could be and when they saw me they jumped so far apart that it'll take them a week to re-unite. The proprietor saw 'em about the same time and was bear- ing down on the booth like a battle-cruiser under full steam. She was one of those blondes with an abnor- mal appetite and a passion for intellectual affinities. He is one of the few men left in the University who hasn't gotten his fill of baby talk. Some fine November day I'm going to take an hour or so off and give you the low-down on the raciest bits of local gossip. If matters continue, I'm afraid most of the men will stretch, their necks so far they'll look like a bunch of giraffes with the quinzy, but when I get enough artificial courage, I promise to spill it in copious doses to you and yours. In fact it might pay you to pack the family carpet-bag and hie yourself in this general direction. I know two girls who-well come on over, anyway. It's an arid country here and any moisture you can hoard would provide a welcome oasis. Yours till the Hinkson goes salt, MORDECAI. THE SHOWME 23 In The Tiger Camp WELCOMING OUR NEW COACH Mr. Z. G. Clevenger, who is the successor of Doc- tor W. E. Meanwell as athletic director of the Uni- versity of Missouri, was.tormerly director of ath- letics at the Kansas State Agricultural College at Manhattan. He is a graduate of Indiana State Uni- versity, and has been Assistant Director of Athletics at that institution. Besides this, he has been Athletic Director at Nebraska Wesleyan University and at the University of Tennessee. In each of his places Coach Clevenger has ex- perienced great success, and it is with the firm con- viction that he will do equally as well here, that we ,velcome him heartily to the University of Missouri. SPORT With the return of her best letter men and three of the coaches who were largely responsible for her triple valley title, to say nothing of a perfectly good brand new coach, Missouri is looking hopefully to a successful athletic ye#f As football is the main issue at present, all eyes are turned expectantly to- wards the men who are to uphold the traditions of the University on the gridiron this fall. Under the coaching of John Miller and the redoubtable Jimmie Phelan, the Tigers are gradually whipping into shape, although much remains to be done before the team is in genuine Turkey Day trim. The team has profited by the return of several of last year's men to say nothing of many valuable additions. Judging from the standpoint of the dope-gatherer, after having seen the team in action most of this season as well as last; and after having heard a few statements made by the coaches, we should say that the prospects could hardly be any brighter. There is more beef represented on the team this year than on any Tiger team in four years. At the present writing, the most probable selec- tions for the team are: Ends, Goepel and Ruth; tackles, Travis and Bunker; guards, Andrews and Springgate; quarter, Packwood or Fullbright; halfs, Lewis and Fullbright or Humes; fullback, Lincoln. Upon the showing against St. Louis U. will largely depend the final selection of the backfield, as there are several possible substitutions. Knight and Titcomb have shown up equally well in practice. Novinger is another good prospect, and though hindered at present by a bad shoulder, shows good promise of later line-plunging. The morale of the team as well as the students, is greatly strengthened by the return of Captain "Chuck" Lewis and "Brick" Travis, both of whom were on the all-valley teams of last year. H. M. 24 THE SHOWME STEALS RIGHTO. "I see that Blithins is going to give an illustrated lecture on the Panama Canal." "How is he going to illustrate it?" "Why, with slides, of course."-Gargoyle. Minister (to sick student)-I take a friendly inter- est in you, my boy, because I have two sons in the uni- versity, myself; one taking Engineering and the other, Agriculture. Is there anything I can do? Sick Student-You might pray for the one taking Engineering-Mn nehaha. Floorwalker-Looking for something, madame? Fat Lady-Husband. F. W.-First aisle to your left-male order depart- ment.-Stanford Chaparral. STAR TAXI CO. Do you know where the little boys go who don't put their Sunday school money in the plate? "Yes'm--to the movies."--I-'illiams Purple (Cow. Quiz-Ah, so you collect engravings ? Biz-Yeh, ten dollar bills.-Pitt Panther. HIS EXPERIMENT. A certain college \president wore side whiskers. Whenever he suggested removing the'n, there was a division of opinion in the family. One morning he entered his wife's dressing room1, razor in hand, with his right cheek shaved smooth. "How do you like it, my dear ?" he asked. "If you think it looks well, I will shave the other side, too."- Facts and Fancies. Parsons' THE SHOWME 25 SOLITUDE I never cared to be alone And ponder deep on weighty questions; In all my days I ne'er was prone To hold myself aloof. I sought the place where hearts beat fast, Where blood was hot and youth was strongest, Where surged the throngs 'till night had passed And purple daylight dawned. But now, to be alone, I ween, Is my glad heart's most dear desiring; I scorn the crowd-that is, I mean, To be alone-alone 4with you! -J. Willard Ridings. HERE AND THERE. Sigma: "Wasn't Alice Darlingly a dream, dressed entirely in old rose?" Delta: "What do you mean-entirely?" THE DIFFERENCE I met a girl from Tennessee, Who never sounds her r's, It sounded awfully cute to me, When she'd exclaim, "My Stahs!" She always said "Y'all" to me, And called me "honey" too, She said, "Ah cain't," or "Yes, Ah cain," And "you" she said like "yew." I liked that girl from Tennessee, Who talked in her Southern way, There was something that appealed to me In everything she'd say. Then once I met a lass from Maine Who tried to talk like that. She left the 'r' off Florida, She substituted "caht" for "cat." I don't know why it seemed so queah, When she would calmly say, "My Deah," But there was something wrong, I feah, She didn't have the right idea! -J. B. Berger. 1921 Savitars Will Be Given A way ---5 OF 'EM One each to the writers of the five best letters ot suggestion and criticism relating to the improvement of the 1921 Savitar. IT'S EASY-Just sit down and write us your candid opinion as to the good points and the faults-especially the faults-of form- er Savitars. Then give us any suggestions you may have to make the 1921 Savitar the greatest annual ever published. IT IS BECAUSE we realize that the Savitar can't be truly great unless it represents ALL the students of Old Mizzou that we take this means of asking your cooperation. SEND YOUR suggestions in to the office in Lowry Hall be- fore November first. The 1921 Savitar-A Greater Annual for a Greater University. DAILY BROTHERS Sapp Bros. Parker Furniture Co. THE LOVER'S LAMENT (With apologies to the Rosary.) The cash I spend on thee, dear heart, Is like a string of pearls to me; I count it over, every coin apart- My salary, my salary. I'd gladly take you to the shows, If you'd go to the gallery; But if you insist on the first four rows, My salary, my salary.-Jug. GEERY'S Joe Janousek "Just think, old top, you can get a'wife in Japan for fifty cents." "Well," drawled the cynic, "a good wife's worth it I reckon." -Jester. Willie-Say, Pop, what's a co- educational college? Pop-Why, that is a place where a young man goes to learn how to make money with one hand, and spend it with the other.-Widow. JACK DAILY BOOCHES' HARRIS' MILLARD AND SISSON Exchange National Bank TIME OUT Hers were the clocks on the stockings, His were the hands on the clocks- (Most scandalous, you will agree) But she hadn't them on- Fact they'd never been worn- He was only the salesman you see. -Yale Record. BRASELTON'S Frank Clifford's Billiard Academy The Campus Lunch S and B Clo. Co. LEVY'S "QUALITY FOOTWEAR" Vanity Fair Columbia Floral Co. The Recreation Parlor Smoke & Arnett, Props. Jimmie's College Inn THE PENNANT Columbia Catering Co. Dorn-Cloney Laundry and Dry Cleaning Co. Millers University Shop PECK DRUG COMPANY Diel's Doughnuts SAMPSON CO-OP The Missouri Store Arrow Collars