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Showme October, 1921; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1921

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SHOWME OCTOBER Vol. II. No. 2. University of Missouri PRICE 35c. Petting Number SOMEBODY'S PET Where lives the Tiger supporter who is not already burning with the desire to See the Mo.-Kas. Game To the three students who sell the most Savitars during our campaign Oct. 11th and 12th The 1922 Savitar will pay the expenses of a trip to Lawrence on Turkey Day. For further particulars call at Savitar Office, in Lowry Hall any afternoon, 1-4 p. m. "The Tiger's Tale" THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Delicious sweets in a quaint box! Give an original touch to your candy gift! In the Sampler every girl recognizes the good taste of the man who sent it. A candy package so unlike any other that it never fails to make a hit. For Sale by Peck Drug and News Company 2 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Irate Auto Owner-"See here, Chauffeur, how could you be so careless as to get this big splinter in our first tire?" Chauffeur-"Couldn't help it, sir; the fellow had a wooden leg." -Purple Cow. First Cannibal-"I have a stomach ache." Second Cannibal-"It must be that undergrad- uate." -Exchange. A sporty looking goof on the seaside makes you sick, but a swell on the sea makes you sicker. -Orange Owl. Short-"What's the matter with the Dean's eyes ?" Stubble-"They're all right as far as I know." Short-"Well, when I asked for my leave of ab- sence yesterday, he asked me twice where my hat was, and it was on my head all the time." -The Blair Breeze. A Woman Knows College girls and Univer- sity women prefer Harris' because being women they instinctively recognize that there is a niceness about Harris' dainties that can only come from taking infinite pains with each detail. And then they appreciate the cleanliness of every- thing, the comfort of Harris' Booths and the distinctiveness of Harris' service. HARRIS' Perfection in Confection MILLARD & SISSON "I told him I would never see him again." "Yes. And what did he do." "Bought himself a Society Brand suit at Barth's so I couldn't keep my eyes off him." Always the Right Price We Hold No Clearance Sales. Victor Barth Clothing Co. EVERYBODY'S STORE JACK DAILY'S SERVICE Mearing Apparel Cleaned Pressed Altered Phone 13 22 South 9th St. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 3 Father, What Did You Do! "My son, when I to college went, I lived a life of ease. I worked in all the stores in town To pay tuition fees. "But still I had a pile of time To fool away in play And 'go the rounds' most every night, As we're wont to say. "I never opened up a book Or wrote a measley theme. Those really were the good old days, With college life a dream." "But, father, did you fool the profs, And keep away from pro?" "My son, I don't remember, since I left in a month or so." -Jack O' Lantern. We fought for the freedom of Cuba in '98, and now we have to go there to enjoy it.-Widow. Those table-de'hote dinners at the College Inn, cooked by Jimmie's French chef, are rapidly becom- ing the most popular institution on Broadway. Jimmie's College Inn ALL INCLUSIVE, YET EXCL USI VE The Student Council Dances, every Saturday night in the Gym, are for all the students, and they nearly all come. But there it stops, for these are student affairs exclu- sively. Student-planned, student-manned, and profits go for other student activities. Make Your Date and Come On Over The Quad Orchestra Refreshments STUDENT COUNCIL DANCES 4 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER "The Glass of Fashion" may be seen at Parson Sisters Massaging Manicuring Hairdressing Shampooing THE SHOWME October 1, 1921. The Showme is published monthly from September till March, inclusive, by the Showme Staff, composed of stu- dents of the University of Missouri, at 506 Guitar Building, Columbia, Mo. Entered as second class matter, November 1, 1920, at the Post Office at Columbia, Mo., under the act of March 3, 1879. Subscription price $1.75 a year or thirty- five cents a copy when purchased from news-stands. That Noise. "John, wake up. What's that noise down in the library?" "Oh, never mind. Probably it's only history repeating itself." -Siren. "They work while you sleep"-Burglars. -Phoenix. Ladies thirst-along with the rest of us. -Punch Bowl. Just Out NEW MODEL BRUNSWICK Just the thing for your room. Come in and see it. Easy Terms TA YLOR MUSIC CO. Ninth and Cherry They're Speedy Markers. "I hear some of the profs lead a fast life," "I doubt it; none of 'em passed me this year." -Gargoyle. Prof. (calling roll)-"Smith!" Smith-"Here." Prof. (to whole class)-"Are you all here?" Smith-"Practically." -Punch Bowl. PHONE 986 TIGER TAILORS J. M. LAMBERT, Prop. Cleaning, Pressing, Tailoring Second Floor Virginia Building THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 5 6 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER TIE SHOWME for OCTOBER 7 OUR PETS The gentle art of petting has been subject to the merry razz; its wiles and ways have been extolled in manner passing fair and bold. We here present our pets, in sooth, illumined by the rays of truth. The perfect pet, as all opine, should emulate the clinging vine, as does the ivy clutch the oak, with modest mien and soothing stroke. The gentle breeze that wafts the maize is rough compared to petting ways. Our pets are skilled in every touch that makes their art esteemed as such, and never, e'en in idle jest, refuse the right to be caressed. The baby talking pet is grand, you're not supposed to understand the flow of "does 'oo fink so, dear?", and "dee, I'm awful glad 'oo's here!" This saves the time, as you may see, of cooking up some repartee; there is no need of finding out just what the talk is all about. In case you miss a word or two, just say, "Why dear, you know I do!" The sympathetic pet should be confined entirely to the knee, and not allowed to shed large tears upon the pettor's neck and ears. Upon the very slightest chance, this type of pet assumes a trance, and jumps into the pettor's arms, who thus acquires some sudden charms. This usually turns out all right if the pettee knows just where to light. Yes, many pets we have, indeed, and none of them have gone to seed. Some are pure, and others chased, and all go more or less to waist, and so we gently stroke along, content to sing our petting song. Now, all this may not be quite true, but tell us, kid, WHOSE PET ARE YOU? 8 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Pets. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 9 HOT STUFF HARRY Hot Stuff Harry is chief Bell Ringer of the local Alcoholic chime Brigade. Every time someone of- fers him a Friendly drink he plays Funnel on the small End of the Bottle, and is harder to knock off than a Wood tick in a Desert. His line of Repartee verges on the Decent about Once a month. He is a Regular College fellow, according to Himself. Among his choicest possessions is a Perceptiple Puffiness under the Eyes that can usually be traced Either to a Bad liver or Keen enjoyment of Certain of the Forbidden pastimes. Harry's liver is in Pretty good Shape. When it comes to Telling a Joke, our little Red Pepper is right in his element. He knows a Number that have been returned by Captain Billy's censorship force and a few That were caught in the Mail and never Reached their destinations. If Harry spilled any of his collection Among a group of Cigarette Suck- ing high school boys, the Parent-Teacher's association would drown out the Disarmament Conference, de- manding life imprisonment. His stories Are rich and Drip luscious Brown gravy. Hot Stuff is Also a bold Bad Gambler, he says He Likes the games of Chance, and is no Slouch when it comes to handling his end of a Five Handed game. In addition, Harry Shoots Dice and spins a Mean Toddle top. All in All Hot Stuff Harry is a Rough customer. Judged by the Standards of not a Few homes he should be in Jail. In a small town his Type hands Out a hot line on the Passing Young Women from a Listening post against the Barber Pole in front of the Smoke House. The Village banker probably wouldn't Give Him a Job and Harry probably wouldn't take it If of- fered. He'd rather Tap a bank than Work for One. H. S. H. takes no Precautions to conceal his Reputation. He often Works up a Poker game right where every one can Hear the plans and never lets a consideration of the Onlookers influence Him if He is Offered a drink. He spills His Stories in all Companies and takes Great Pride in showing up For a Date in a Ratio of About Forty per cent Alcohol to Sixty per cent Ambition, by weight. Does Harry get the Frozen Flip from the Fair Co-eds? Harry does not. Harry is rated as Damn Good Company and can order.a mean Dinner. In addition to Which he is never at a Loss for Something to Say and Is Getting by Bigger every year. Does His Reputation trip him around the U? Yes, it Trips him Into the Greenest Pastures Possible. Do the Good Little Men who try to Be Nice have a Chance if Harry Picks on the Same Girl? They do Not. Moral: Give the Public what it Likes. 10 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER SHOWME Published by Students of the Universiy of Missouri THE SHOWME, Room 506, Guitar Building Vo. II, No. II Columbia, Missouri $1.75 a Year Exclusive rights for the use of any of the text in this publication for Motion Picture reproduction is reserved for the Intercollegiate Film Com- pany (or an assignee). THE STAFF ARCH RODGERS ................................Managing Editor. GERALD F. PERRY ......................................Art Editor. LYLE W ILSON ................................ ..........Literary Editor. FRANK HOUSTON .........................................rt Editor. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT WILLIAM TWEEDIE, Mgr. ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT ASSISTANTS CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT Fritz Schroeder Ernest D. Garth, Mgr. William Armstrong Francis Misselwitz, Mgr. Alfred Egan Paul Miller L. C. Kassebaum ASSOCIATES Edwin N. Jacquin J. Q. Adams Florian P. Gass Ernestine Parks J. B. Berger William Kieffer Marguerite Barnett Ralph Fowler Robert W. Seaman C. M. Barnes D. K. Musler James Patton The curtain has been raised and the 1921-22 production of "College Life" may be said to be well on its way with sufficient momentum to carry it through to a conclusion. For several weeks now the actors have been assuming their positions on the stage, the freshmen as a multitudinous and necessary, yet insignificant, part in the drama; the sophomores puffed and strangely stilted with their importance, gyrating about in social circles as only one can who has felt the restraint and weathered the storm of the plebes; the juniors, now upperclassmen, blase, unconcerned, and then the seniors, dignified ?-Oh, no, not much-carrying of course, the world on their shoulders just as Atlas did, telling every new student just how to get by and never crack "un libro". So the merry whirl of "College Life" suffers on, "Like ships that sail- ed for sunny isles but never came to shore" . . . Hervey. Suddenly the orchestra strikes a "jag-time" rioty tune, the would-be thespians crowd back into the wings, a powerful flooded spotlight sweeps the stage and as the voices swing into the popular fall refrain entitled, "FOOTBALL", Captain Herbert Blumer and his Tiger stars ascend the throne, the cynosure of all eyes. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 11 DON'T SLACK Where's the last $1,000? Approximately $13,000 was pledged the Missouri Memorial Union building last spring, to be collected at once. Of this sum, but $12,000 has come in. Where are the men and women who promised the other $1,000? Have they quit school, and with the end of daily classes lost all loyalty to Old Mizzou? Have their new duties so absorbed them that they no longer remember with feeling the fellow students who gave their lives? Perhaps they have not left the University. Surely, they have not deliberately neglected to square themselves with the men to whom the Memorial is to be erected. Nor can they have so far lost sight of the welfare of their University as to refuse to aid in the erection of a building as necessary as the Union. It is better to think that carelessness or a short memory has caused the collecting committee to look in vain for the last $1,000. In any case delinquent pledges to the Memorial Union building fund should be paid at once. A campaign to collect back pledges which should not be necessary at all, will soon be launched. Here's to the campaign committee. We want to see that last $1,000 materialize. With the freshman-varsity football game, the first mass meeting, and the election of cheer leader, the old Tiger pep has made its appearance, and is on hand for another glorious season. While some of the old heads thought that old man choose 'em was a little late in showing up, and a few were growing gloomy over how slow things were going, there was no foundation for their fears, for the Tigers have started their new drive with all the fight and determination that has brought honor to the University in former years. This applies not only to the football team, but to the whole school. Fair play and hard work bring success in the class room as well as on the gridiron; your success in the University will be measured en- tirely by the effort you put into the routine of your student life. We will all uphold Tiger Traditions and back every thing that Missouri University stands for. A new freshman class has arrived and must be trained in Tiger Traditions. This necessitates not only the strict observance of the Ten Commandments issued by the Sophomores, but means that the class must learn that we back Missouri teams to a man, that we put over a Memorial Building and intend to have it, that we are all pulling for an adequate appropriation for the University. And then there is the honor system. No one claims that the honor system has been a success, but we ALL claim that it MUST be successful from now on. Probably many of the freshmen have never before been placed under such a sys- tem, and they must be shown how it works. It is up to the Sophomores and Upper-classmen to make the demonstration. Since the Ag Club and several other organizations have declared for an aggressive en- forcement of this system, woe unto anyone who tries to evade it. They say that Uncle Sam is sending a prohibition officer to Columbia; gives our night owls another victim to plot against. Wonder if the boys will save him any space in The Family Skeleton? 12 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER "How did Austria pay her war debts?" "Sent out Czecks." THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 13 ADVENTURES OF AMBROSE OR HOW HORATIO HELPED VOLUME I Ambrose had just finished his breakfast of gra- ham crackers a la mode as Horatio entered through the transom. "Fall in," muttered Ambrose. "You're up early this morning." "Yes," responded Horatio, "I 'rose with the salt rising bread. Have you packed your handker- chief ?" "Not as yet," answered Ambrose, lighting a choice piece of tapestry. "Have you dined?" "Oh yes," rejoined Horatio, seating himself on the color scheme, "the doctor only allows me one meal a day-oatmeal. But come, let us away." "Go weigh if you want to," retorted Ambrose. throwing his handkerchief over his shoulder, "but put a little spring into it. We must find the Princess!" And they slipped out of their quarters into the tenderloin. VOLUME II "What," ventured Ambrose, pointing to a pe- culiar noise behind the bar, "is that?" "That," responded Horatio, reclining against a cloud of smoke, "is the scream of a pint bottle. The bartender is squeezing it." "Oh," murmured Ambrose. Just then a gun man entered, water dripping from his clothes. "He came in on the noon-tide," explained Horatio. "Uh huh," retorted Ambrose. "The relative humidity here," muttered Hora- tio, shoving a square pound of it under the table, "is rather heavy. It hurts my digits." "Quite so," acquiesced Ambrose, "but harken to the malted music!" "Alas " cried Horatio, rising suddenly. "Where?" ejaculated Ambrose, suddenly ris- ing. And they crawlstroked through the heavy fog. VOLUME III Just as the parade ground-had been accounted for, they reached Camp Custard. "The trees of that forest," said Horatio, "were reported absent." "Indeed," remonstrated Ambrose, "they are without leaves." Horatio selected a choice boulder, and tearing the bark from it, poured Ambrose a steaming cup of lava. "At the top of yon volcano," he continued, "there is a cone." "What flavor," queried Ambrose. "White," answered Horatio. Ambrose seated himself on a pinnacle and list- ened to the gentle rumbling of the twilight, as it bounced from cliff to cliff. "Yes," he mused, "rab- bits multiply very rapidly, but it takes a snake to be an adder." "In which direction," shouted Horatio, "is Chi- cago ?" "Directions," returned Ambrose, "are always found on the bottle. Let us continue toward the yeast." And they galloped merrily down the sides of the gorge. (To be continued) 14 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER ASSEMBLY The stag that eve had danced his fill, And leaned upon a window sill. His pompadour was slick and bright, His trouser's crease was pressed just right. His shoulders had the proper stoop, His Camel quite the stylish droop, His single ticket he had paid, Let others drag a date, he said. He'd dance with them,-he was not proud, He'd mingle with the vular crowd, At least this once. Besides, said he, It costs much less a stag to be. And so he left me dumb, entranced; He spied a girl he knew, and danced. -F. P. G. D'jever Taste Bandoline? Why the gosh hang Don't Companies take Fit trade marks for their Products Now a chewing gum Manufacturer has a Splendid trade-mark For a lip stick You get the idea "The flavor lasts." One bewitching maiden In my close embrace Is worth a hundred maidens In any other place "Wasn't it dark out here last night?" Lady-"What is that peculiar odor I get from that field?" Farmer-"That's fertilizer." Lady-"Oh, for the land's sake." Farmer-"Yes, lady." It is said that when a young lady of a certain village eloped, disguised in her father's clothes, the weekly paper came out with the following headline: "Flees in Father's Pants." Group of students who do not appreciate petting. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 19 He: "Have you had any experience in gym works?" She: - "Well, I've danced with lots of dumb bells." 20 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Sept 1st "yes we have all the big men in school" Gee this is a swell bunch- sure Ill join them. When you finish that you can polish the floors 2 weeks Later Impressions of a pledge For Those Who Have "Eight o'Clocks". It's great to wake upon a morn While birds and crickets sweetly sing, And when a bell begins to peal, Just yawn, "It's Sunday, let 'er ring." "This cuts quite a figure," said the censor as he removed a close up from the bath room scene. It Is Possible. The latest report from Milwaukee says that they are drinking near beer without a kick. "Now we will play hell," growled the Tigers as they finished theirlast earthly rival. Why don't Irish potatoes have blue eyes? THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 21 In the Tiger Camp Wondering if Missouri has a chance for the Valley championship this year. is getting to be quite a daily habit with the loyal boosters of the Tigers. Two years ago Johnny Miller's Trojans raced across the wire, a winner by a couple of lengths. Last year the Oklahoma Sooners with an aerial attack that would have won praise from the French aeronautic tutors, breasted the Old Gold and Black by the narrow margin of one sadsome frolic out on Rollins Field. The score was top- heavy, so that nobody felt quite as badly as they might have felt had Washington defeated us. For- tunately however, we whipped Washington and trimmed the Jayhawkers before a whopping big crowd on Turkey Day, so everybody was satisfied. Too it will be recalled that Oklahoma was quite a popular champion. It was the Sooners' in- augural debut in Missouri Valley circles and their elegant brand of sportsmanship was much admired by everyone. Surely, if Missouri couldn't cop the bunting, everybody wanted Bennie Owen and his athletes to come through. This year we can frankly boast of our platform from the opening gun. We do not want Oklahoma to cop, despite the fact that the Sooners are just as good sports as they were one year ago. We are not demanding that our new coaches, Jim Phelan and Jerry Jones, bring home all the bacon. We will, however, let you in on our own secret request of Mr. Phelan. We urged him as strongly as our language would allow us, to capture the Washing- ton game, also the Turkey Day battle and above all the Oklahoma fracas. In as much as these three teams are the toughest on the Missouri schedule, all victories would practically mean a champion- ship. The reasonableness of the request is evident. To be beaten by Washington would be to eat the humblest pie, the Tiger ever had to devour. To bow before Potsy Clark up at Lawrence would mean a cold Turkey dinner that night in Kansas City and a bad attack of the blues afterward, if it is as cold as it was two years past. A whipping from the Sooners would mean two championships, probably, for the Indians and that would never do. As surveyed from an early season angle, the Jayhawkers, Huskers, Redskins and Tigers have the best prospects. The Nebraska contingent plays only three Valley games and has to be counted out. Concerning the other three we must admit that it is a toss-up with the Missourians just as uncertain as any. "Chuck" Lewis is back and so are Al Lincoln and Bunker, Captain Blumer and all the rest, but the line that will defend the Old Gold and Black territory is only a shadow of the strong- hold that fought for "Old Mizzou". last year. The material looks good, however. The Tigers have four games at home, namely, Oklahoma Aggies, Drake, Ames and Oklahoma. The last named tilt will be Homecoming. -E. N. J. TIGERS MEET STRONG FOE IN AGGIES The Oklahoma Agricultural and Mechanical College eleven opens the season for the Tigers here today. Last Saturday this aggregation defeated Southwestern Normal 53-0, on the Aggie field. The steam roller that Johnny Maulbetsch seems to have built at Stillwater has an advance reputation that has drawn the attention of the Tiger rooters away from Norman temporarily, where we have so long centered our attention when Oklahoma was men- tioned. Coach Phelan will put the Tiger team into the field today upon which all of Missouri's championship aspirations hinge. While the opening game in for- mer years has been more or less of a practice, root- ers will today see the best that Missouri has in action. With Lewis, Lincoln, Humes, Knight, Bundschu, Packwood, and Kershaw to select from in the backfield, and Captaim Blumer, Bunker, Har- din, Hill, Storms, Masters, and Armstrong in the line, the Tiger machine will appear as it will prob- ably be seen for the rest of the season. Its real strength will be tested today. 22 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER "Show me!" said the mouse. Evolution. During his freshman year he got to class promptly on the hour. During his sophomore year he came in at just ten minutes past. During his junior year he got there five min- utes late. During his senior year he didn't come to class at all. "I don't care for Mr. Flounder; he can't even swim." "Yes, he is a poor fish." Fragments from Homer; a bust. One bright starry night I walked up the flight Of steps to the porch of my love. With her husband down town, On those we sat down, And we gazed at the stars above. And I Walked Down Those Steps Like This The next starry night I walked up the flight Of steps to the porch of my love. But another intruder A clandestine suitor Met me on the threshold above. And this like steps those down bumped I. The next starry night I walked up the flight Of steps to the porch of my love. But friend hubby alone Was staying at home, And again I saw stars above. And I walked down those stairs like this. Clarissa-"Father, you're a brick." Father-"Well, if I let you walk all over me, you needn't remind me of it."-Widow. "My father weighed only four pounds when he was born." "Great heavens, did he live ?"-Lampoon. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 23 An eccentric collector of curious bits of humor recently ran across an article in an American news- paper translating verbatim, a section from a Japan- ese traffic regulation. The translation, word for word, ran something like this: "If any vehicle obstickles your passageway, toodle your horn with great vigor. If the said ve- hicle does not make itself vacant, toodle your horn with still greater vigor and utter some word of warning from the mouth such as, 'Hi! Hi!'." Nowadays How we patronize the arts Nowadays Truly they lie next our hearts Nowadays Girls in keeping up to date Learn to paint and decorate How we patronize the arts Nowadays Almost nothing's going on Nowadays Everything is shrunk or gone Nowadays At our shows or dances rare Men just stand around and stare Almost nothing's going on Nowadays Everything is going up, Nowadays Everyone seems bowed with care Nowadays Men pass by with low-bent head As the chill wind sweeps o'erhead Everything is going up Nowadays Rounder-"My hat needs blocking." Bowler-"There's a block in it now." 24 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Denninger's Jewelry Store You will need merchandise from clocks to a diamond engagement ring. We supply you. Another Roast. "To the Ladies! God dress 'em." -Punch Bowl Prof. in engineering class: "What is a dry- dock?" Stude in rear: "A physician who won't give out prescriptions." -Exchange. Rebuff. "Ah! I saw the princess slip," Said the preacher to the teacher As she stumbled on the stairs. "Fresh old thing, don't get flip!" Quoth the teacher to the preacher. "What you saw were teddy bears!" -Tatler. "Say it With Flowers" Columbia Floral Co. 7th and Broadway If the eats from home don't come, try ours. No better, but just as good as mother makes. STRENG'S 1010 Broadway Phone 429 Oh, Baby! It's All to the Berry" Thus shrieketh the fair "petite" as she casteth her glims on her room-mate's garments just out of their pasteboard container. "Cutie, spooch to me an' told me where and how and when." And behold, her room-mate did make answer unto her in this wise: "The where is a subject with which you shouldst have been acquainted long ere this, the time is a matter of little concern since it can be answered with one word- 'any', as to the how.. . your worries on that score ended with Mr. Bell's well-known experiments with the electro-magnet." DORN-CLONEY LAUNDRY & DRY CLEAN- ING COMPANY furnishes a virtually complete maid's service to the girl away from home. Your linen, gloves, suits, cloaks and dresses may safely be entrusted to their care. They are always at your command at telephone 116. Just call and a courteous Blue Fleet Driver will be right out. THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 25 The wise students know where to go-the others soon find out REX BARBER SHOP He-"Woman is lovliest in her thirties." She-"Thank-I mean, do you think so?" -Purple Cow. Say, I'm stuck. Do you know anything about a flivver? Nothing but a couple of funny stories. -Wampus. Prices on STETSON HATS for FALL averaging 25% lower than last year No one questions the taste of the chap who sports a Stetson. Abso- lute style in every line. Just as much a part of the smart college outfit as pep and enthusiasm is a part of campus life. Stetson Style Stetson Quality Stetson Money's Worth The same today as for 56 years assured by the Stetson Quality Mark in Every Hat STETSON HATS JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY, PHILADELPHIA Skillful Craftsmanship and Good Taste Parsons Studio ---Meet you at the fountain. "Where Friend Meets Friend' Tavern Drug Store Tom Heath "Kitty" Lightner 26 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER Let us "Show You" Our stocks have been selected with special attention to you and your wants-your buy- ing interests. The prices are fair, the values unequalled. We make a specialty of Sorority and Fra- ternity Jewelry, stationery and emblem goods. T. L. Floyd, Jeweler 706 Broadway Columbia, Mo. Phone 931 Bloke-"Who was that fellow you talked to so long on the corner?" Soak-"He was my old bar-tender." Bloke-"What did he say?" Soak-"No." -Exchange. Irate Passenger-"Why don't you put your foot where it belongs?" Tough Guy-"If I did you wouldn't sit down for a week." -Jester. Judge-"You have been found guilty of petty larceny. What do you want, ten days or ten dol- lars ?" Guilty Party-"I'll take the money." -Flamingo. Eve (from the bushes)-"Adam, dear, close your eyes so that I can come home." Adam-"What's the matter, my own?" Eve-"I've been A. W. O. L.' -Dirge. The Herald-Statesman Publishing Company The House of Quality Printing Fraternity News Letters Letter Heads Fraternity Crests Stationery Dance Programs Invitations Pay us a visit and let us show you samples. Or call 97 and we will send a representative. (We print the Showme) THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 27 When you finish that game, there's a barber waiting for you Booche's Barber Shop Have a cigar? No-don't smoke now. Sworn off? Nope; stopped entirely. -Tar Baby. A poetess fair named Miss Hughes, Was asked why she happened to chughes Her verse to compound With cats all around. She said, "I'm inspired by the Mughes." -Brown Jug. Student Headquarters for: Furniture, Rugs, Trunks, Handbags Parker Furniture Co. 16 N. 10th street Visit our store each month and hear the new Edison records Tailoring of a noteworthy distinction-- Cleaning and Pressing the same. HARRELL 'S THE PASSWORD TO POPULARITY AND THE SNYONYM OF UNEXCELLED QUISINE JUST SAY PALMS The University Oasis 28 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER On Friday Night. She: "Oh, John, you're so tender tonight !" He: "I ought to be; I've been in hot water all week at school." -The Gleaner. "This spring weather," writes R. H. F., "will probably result in a decrease in the number of winter overcoats stolen at a certain institution of higher learning." -Exchange. Lawyer (to lady leaving the witness stand)- "I'm sorry to say, madame, that there are discrep- ances in your testimony." Lady (looking down hurriedly)-"Good Lord, are there? Where?" -Fxchange. "What would you do to a man who proposed over the telephone?" "Reject him on a postcard." -Richmond Collegian. JACK DAILY'S "Needle Molded" Clothes Newest Styles and Patterns Ready for Your Inspection "Our Suits Suit" Phone 13 22 South 9th St. What We Do For You Supply Serve Save Satisfy The Missouri Store Company Be a Commercial Teacher or a SECRETARY in a real office Type Your Own Notes The Rosenthal School of Commerce Rose Rosenthal Director 516 Guitar Bldg. Phone 1095 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 29 The men you know--: and those you want to know -- Play at BOOCHE'S Billiard Academy Barely True. "Why do you seem so fussed?" "Oh, I always feel self-conscious in an evening gown." "Sort of all dressed up and no place to go?" "No-nothing on for the evening!"-Frivol. When a fellow is allowed to muss a girl's hair he considers it a net gain. She considers it a net loss. -Punch Bowl. Ready for Fall Sand B Clo. Co. SYKES E-BROADHEAD with Hart Schaffner & Marx Suits and O'Coats Gordan Leather Coats and Vests Spalding and Travelo Sweater Coats Stetson and Knox Hats and Caps Pleased to Meet. "You know that $10 you lent me." "Not now, introduce me. -Lord Jeff. They're Off. Eight O'clocker (waking room-mate)-"It's. ten to eight." Second Eight O'clocker (sleepily)-"Wait till the odds get better. Then place it all."-Widow. Shipping Crating Rummans Transfer Company Phone 470 Baggage a Specialty Prompt Service Storage Moving 30 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER A Deadly Answer. He (walking by a graveyard)-"Wouldn't it be ghastly if all the dead people here came to life again ?" She (yawning)-"No, indeed! I wish one of them would. -Punch Bowl. They say the country girl is shy And full of dignity, But, really, it's the city girl That seems so shy to me. She flaunts a skirt cut rather high, And quite a length of hose; I'd say the city girl was shy When you refer to clothes. -Punch Bowl. Cleo-"When Bill danced with me last night he kept letting his hand slip down my back." Patrica-"I hope you rebuked him." Cleo-"I did; I told him to keep it up." -Purple Cow. Smart Fall Hats for University & College Women Smith's Millinery 1003 Broadway You Like To Dance We Like To Play - Let's Get Together Moonlight Orchetra Music for Dancing and all other occasions Bill Fox, Mgr. Phone 472 Home of the You'll Find Old Guard Quality and Economy at The PENNANT Sam Myerson 12 So. Ninth THE SHOWME for OCTOBER 31 Stude-"See this chalk on my shoulder?" Roommate-"Yeh." Stude-"Well, that ain't chalk. -Jester. How many cigarettes does Rollo smoke a day? Oh, any given number. -Tiger. Instructor-"Do we import any raw material from France?" Wit (a la critic)-"Only plays." -Burr. Bill's lost his hat. How do you know? I can't find mine. -Lemon Punch. First Attorney-"Your Honor, unfortunately, I am opposed by an unmitigated scoundrel." Second Attorney-"My learned friend is such a notorious liar-" Judge (sharply)-"The counsel will kindly confine their remarks to such matters as are in dis- pute." -Virginia Reel. Both by and for students is the work done by GRA NT FORSYTHE Cleaning, Pressing and Tailoring Virginia Bldg. Phone 736 A phone call brings me and my flivver "instanter." Show Me Curling Irons Westinghouse Lamps JOHN L. PLA TT Successor to Chas. W. Furtney Electric Contractor and Dealer 19 So. 9th Phone 829 Percolators Heating Appliances Fredendalls FALL SUITS of Youthful Charm The "different" styles that every young wo- man appreciates-new and Parisian in their dashing lines, their jaunty short coats, their highly distinctive trimming touches. The materials are exquisite quality. Prices are remarkably low for suits of such dis- tinguished quality. Phone 85 716-718 Broadway 32 THE SHOWME for OCTOBER GEER Y The Ninth Street Jeweler Her-"Which stands the most show, the good or the fast girls?" Him-"I don't know, but the fast ones show more." -Brown Jug. The more than usual lack of intelligence among the students that morning had got under the profes- sor's skin. "Class is dismissed," he said, exasperatedly. "Please don't flap your ears as you pass out." -Froth. Levy's "Quality Footwear" SHOES HOSIERY REPAIRING. A clean, gentlemanly game, in pleas- ant, sociable surroundings, with people you know and like. If these things ap- peal to you, drop down to the Tavern Billiard Academy and let's get acquainted Hello Fellows. I'll be back in a few minutes; going down to Levy's to have them Showme that line of classy oxfords and boots. Believe me men, they are sure the good lookers. Have you seen them in their windows? Well, they're real up-town shoes for the real fellows. Don't fail to see them at For all the ills that man is Heir to We prescribe SHOWME Read it and Refresh that "line" If you aren't getting the Showme every month-in token for what you know you're missing--send $1.25 to The Showme 506 Guitar Building You'll appreciate reading your own copy. The Clay All that good designing can do to make better styling has been done in this newest of Sports suits for the young fellow. Exclusively Gordon & Koppel Kansas City Columbia