Showme December, 1921Showme December, 192120081921/12image/jpegUniversity of Missouri-Columbia Libraries Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book DivisionThese pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.Missouri Showme Magazine CollectionUniversity of Missouri Digital Library Production ServicesColumbia, Missouri108show192112Showme December, 1921; by Students of the University of MissouriColumbia, MO 1921
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Vol. II No. IV.
University of Missouri
YOU BUY TWEEDIES for alppearance and they pay
you back in comfort-ankle freedom-warnith anld
absolute fit. None of the careless fitting faults of
The perfect fit with the slender ankle effect-the way
they hug the instep-cling at the heel, permitting no wrinkles
at the back and the al)sence of unsightly buckles are all orig-
inal TWEEDIE features.
TWEEDIE Toppers are made for men. There is the
ankle freedom and comfort of summer oxfords and warmer
than the winter shoe.
FITTED WHERE GOOD SHOES ARE SOLD IN
TWEEDIE BOOT-TOP CO.-St. Louis, Mo.
None genuine without
a private stock of good sweets over the holidays.
Everybody's taste can be suited in the variety of
Whitman packages of chocolates and confections.
Place your order with the near-by Whitman
agency and double the value of your gift by select-
ing an appropriate package.
THE SAMPLER-chocolates and confections selected from ten leading
Whitman's packages. The box is as quaint as the sweets are good.
A FUSSY PACKAGE-nut and hard center chocolates, beautifully boxed.
SUPER EXTRA chocolates and confections-the quality which first made
NUTS, CHOCOLATE COVERED-a rich, delicious assortment that
enjoys wide popularity,
PLEASURE ISLAND chocolates in a pirate's chest that recalls the ro-
mance of R. L. S.
SALMAGUNDI PACKAGE-super-extra chocolates. Metal box lac-
quered in exquisite mosaic. A gift that is sure to charm.
LIBRARY PACKAGE-Shaped like a book. A new assortment of
Hand painted round boxes and fancy bags,
boxes and cases in great variety
STEPHEN F. WHITMAN & SON, Inc., Philadelphia,U.S.A.
Sole makers of Whitman's Instantaneous Chocolate,Cocoa and Marshmallow Whip
Whitman's famous candies are sold by
Peck Drug and News Co.
Ask for special Missouri package with ribbon
2 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
American Color Engraving Co.
THE MORE PARTICULAR
ARTISTS, ILLUSTRATORS, ENGRAVERS
Harold-That soprano had a large repertoire.
Maggie-Ain't it the truth now, and since you
speak of it, her dress only made it look worse.-
Some men give ladies their seats in street
cars. Other men are married.-Malteaser.
Phont 74 9th & Walnut
PLATES IN ONE
914 PINE STREET
ST. LOUIS, MO.
With a VICTROLA
Taylor Music Company
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 3
is all right but most people
Want to enhance theirs a little.
That's OUR business.
A Big Job.
Fond Parent-What is worrying you, my son?
Willie-I was just wondering how many legs
you gotta pull off a centipede to make him limp.-
Sign in down-town store-
LADIES SPORT HOSE.
To which we might add, "Darn right they do."
For the Holiday Season
Order one of our rich Fruit Cakes.
Take one home or have us send it.
Why not have us send a box of our as-
sorted cookies home for Xmas.
Hot Drinks and Cold
That "Tavern Taste."
Tavern Drug Store
The Home of Quality
IN THE ELECTRICAL
LINE ARE ALWAYS
You'll have the largest selection here
John L. Platt Electrical Co.
19 South 9th
4 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
Christmas = = and Good Printing
The connection between the happy Yuletide and the printing art is clearly established in
Christmas cards of the better sort.
First of all, do your well-wishing in appropriate terms; then live up to the earnestness be-
hind the sentiment by having it artistically printed. In other words-have us print it.
It's best to place your order now.
J. GUY McQUITTY
"Quick Printer" Phone 930-Black
Think of HENNINGERS'
The Showme is published monthly from September
till March, inclusive, by the Showme Staff, composed of
students of the University of Missouri, at 506 Guitar Build-
ing, Columbia, Mo. Entered as second class matter, No-
vember 1, 1920, at the Post Office at Columbia, Mo., un-
der the act of March 3, 1879. Subscription price $1.75 a
year or thirty-five cents a copy when purchased from
He-Her brow is lily-white.
She-Yes, ivory should be white.-Awgwan.
Boys and Girls
It's time to be buying Levy's Merry Xmas slippers. Make every
one you know happy with a pair of slippers from
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 5
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
"The Wasted Generation."
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 7
Ye Merry Yuletide
Be Yee Merrie!
Yee merrie men of long ago were wont yee parties big to throw, with roasted pig and sparkling ale, with
goodly beer made much Wassail, and filling up yee Baron's hall did have yee flowing Christmas ball. The Butler
brought bowls of the best, and yec merrie laddies did the rest.
Since, Christmas times and tides, have changed, but other things have been arranged to make the Yuletide
gay and free, to pass away so merrily. Eftsoons, the merry Christmas dance, where all join hands and gayly
prance, and sing a Yuletide song or so and get home when the roosters crow. Good hunting offers much delight,
as chasing possums half the night, or, if this brings but meager luck, pursue the merry flutter duck. The program
for the afternoon oft' times includes a wicked spoon when stirring times are had by those who proudly claim a
tea stained nose.
Kris Kringle comes but once a year, so make yee merrie while he's here! All Tiger Town will cease a while
an education to beguile, forgetting chili mack and cokes we'll take a few meals with the folks. We'll tell them,
how, at Old Mizzou, we plan a thing and see it through, and how that Tiger loves to roar, and let's see, now what
was that score? We'll make 'em glad they sent us here, Oh, Boy,
AIN'T WE GOT CHRISTMAS CHEER?
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
The Co-ed's Christmas Dream
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 9
HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
Ruthless Rutherford is a Type. He doesn't look any More like the "Handsome Fellows at College"
ads than the Ads do Themselves. Rutherford knows this and Counts it as a Special gift to set him Apart
from his less lucky Companions.
Also Rutherford has been Around. He knows New York like a Book, having got Most of his knowl-
edge of It from between the Covers of the Same. No t that He hasn't visited the Well Known metropolis.
Oh no, He has been there several Times. He speaks off hand of Nights spent at the Palais Royal and the
Red Room of the Plaza.
Furthermore he slings a Wicked line About the folks in Greenwich Village. He's been there, Too.
He knows all about the Great big City.
What he doesn't know is that The places he so Proudly mentions as his Gothamic playgrounds are
also the Fond Memory of every Other Rube who has been on the Island. With the Other small Towners
he rubbed Shoulders with Fellow Rubes and Thought he was in the Center of Wild Life. He even Swiped
a spoon from the Ziegfield Roof and drags it Out on special occasions when someone Tries to Talk
about anything But what Rutherford has Done.
Along with His metropolitan Experience Rutherford has acquired a Polish. It consists in Project-
ing his Lower Lip down to Form a Pout when he isn't the Center of Attention and the cultivation of a
Beautifully Bored expression.
He is a Languid sort of a duck and Has an Idea that he has the Women on His Hip. He does
have a Few.
He doesn't care for the General Run of things a-id Is cut out For a little better stuff than the Best,
he says. When he goes Any place he is No more Conspicuous than is Absolutely Necessary. This means
that he Has most of the people looking at him All of the Time. This Bores him a Lot but he would al-
most be Willing to remove a necessary Garment or Two if interest Began to lag.
Rutherford has Been exposed to Fond parents who have Successfully Spoiled him. When he isn't
Charming some Woman with a Blase flow of conversation he is Camped before a Mirror getting Set for
the next Session.
His clothes are the Delight of all, especially the Tailors.
He spends a Wad of money to look Like he thinks one in His position should and almost succeeds
in getting a job as End Man. His manners are straight from the Pages of Vanity Fair along with His
He knows just what to say at the proper Time but Can rarely think Of it.
Rutherford is a Lovely boy and spends much Time complaining that this Is no place for One of his
Merit. He has Sung the Song for a Considerable period of Time and has about convinced most of those
Who know him that It would have been All right if he Had left some time ago.
Rutherford continues to believe He is the Real Article. He eases Around and lets People look at Him
as much as they Please and hardly ever gets Grouchy with them For admiring his pretty ways. He'd like
to See everyone as Nice as he is, Rutherford would. He's not selfish a Bit.
Oh, jres, Rutherford is among Us. He is Here on every hand. He'll go through the University Pat-
ting himself on the Back for Uplifting the Community.
Fact of the Matter is nobody Likes him. The men express their Opinions in private and the Girls
think he's a Silly Ass. Rutherford doesn't know this.
Moral: Think before YOU laugh.
10 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
SHOWME Published by
Students of the University of Missouri
THE SHOWME, Room 506, Guitar Building
Vol. II, No. 4 Columbia, Missouri $1.75 a Year
Exclusive rights for the use of any of the text in this publication for Motion Picture reproduction is reserved for the Intercollegiate Film Com-
pany (or an assignee).
ARCH RODGERS ....................-...........Managing Editor.
LYLE W ILSON .......................................Literary Editor. GERALD F. PERRY .......................................Art Editor.
F. P. GASS ..--........-..--- ....--- ...-- ........... Literary Editor. FRANK HOUSTON ........................................Art Editor.
Ernest D. Garth, Mgr.
J. W. Brown, Jr.
WILLIAM TWEEDIE, Mgr.
Francis Misselwitz, Mgr.
L. C. Kassebaum
Edwin N. Jacquin J. Q. Adams Isabel Forte Ernestine Parks
J. B. Berger Wiley Padan Marguerite Barnett Ralph Fowler
Robert W. Seaman C. M. Barnes D. K. Musler James Patton
A. T. Arn Waverly Hays P. S. Limerick L. F. P.
McDonald Freeman 0. Johnson D. Keens
To the Missouri Tiger, we wish the happiest of holidays! We believe this to be one of the most success-
ful semesters that the sons of Old Mizzou have completed for some time. A fighting Tiger spirit that brought
glory on the football field, a homecoming that will stand for years as an inspiration to future homecoming com-
mittees, and a body of loyal undergraduates who have upheld Tiger Traditions and refrained from practices
that might bring discredit upon the school, all have made the present fall term one long to be remembered. The
Missouri Tiger deserves a holiday; may every Christmas joy be, yours!
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 11
"THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED-"
WHEREAS, the Showme doth continue to struggle merrily along, and WHEREAS, there are
among us many who do read the same and register appreciation, and WHEREAS, being possibly shy of
business one evening, now comes one Student Council, and doth issue the following resolution, to wit:
"WHEREAS the 'Showme,' a magazine published by students in the University of Missouri, does
receive the unanimous vote of approval of this, the Student Council, sitting in executive session, this twen-
ty-ninth day of November, nineteen hundred and twenty-one, therefore
"BE IT RESOLVED that the Student Council go on record as recognizing the 'Showme' as a publi-
cation of the University of Missouri which merits the co-operation of the student body and faculty.
(Signed) THE STUDENT COUNCIL for 1921-22. By J. Max McCann, President of the student body, and
J. B. Coppedge, Secretary of the student body."
This calls for many more editorial cheers than a page can usually hold. A publication which merits
the co-operation of the student body and faculty has always been the aim of the Showme and whether or
not we have merited such co-operation, we have not at all times received it. Our list of contributors and
assistants, however, is now growing with every number, and the interest taken in what goes on around
506 Guitar Building is steadily increasing. Several members of the present staff will not be in school next
-/ear, and undergraduates must get enough practical experience this year at the different phases of pub-
lishing a magazine to take their places.
If everyone in school will express his recognition of the Showme as worthy of his co-operation, and
then give us some of said co-operation in the best manner that he can, the Showme will continue to live and
prosper. Student Council, we thank you, and hope that the student body will follow your lead.
SHOWME'S DOPE ON ELECTIONS
On December 6 will occur the annual class elections. It is the hope of all persons with the interests
of the University at heart that this year's polling will be of greater significance than formerly. In past
elections of this kind the goal has been a mere personal or organization triumph. A class presidency has
been rated as good advertising for the person achieving it, nothing more.
With the initial impetus of the Missouri Memorial Union Building campaign still making thihgs
hum and the work of R. L. Hill, alumni recorder, just reaching a point where ultimate results may be fore-
cast, it is possible that election to class office may open a field of useful endeavor to the successful candi-
By placing the proper man in charge of the senior class the class of '22 will boast in later years of
being the first to leave the shadows of the columns organized and capable of collectively achieving some-
thing for the University of Missouri.
We have never known a class reunion at Missouri. Those affairs, about which are twined much
of the glory and tradition of the great universities of the East, are a closed book to us. The pleasure
of renewing old acquaintanceships, after an interval, of years has sharpened the appetite for a round of rem-
inisence, has been denied us, except in the sketchy manner provid-ed for by the Thanksgiving gridiron battles
with Kansas. We have gone through the University without organizing and have lost much that should at-
tach to the later life of a University bred man or woman.
The benefits to the University by exchanging the present amorphous alumni for a cohesive body
with a central organization capable of putting the strength of the graduates to some use are incalcuable.
The Memorial campaign proved that fact conclusively.
Immediately following the December 6 elections should come a real organization of every class.
The men selected for office must b of the highest caliber, capable of swinging by their own enthusiasm
the bulk of class membership which will inevitably balk at any effort whatsoever with the stolid indiffer-
ence that is always encountered by new ideas and endeavors.
The possibilities of the plan are limitless and the issue lies squarely before us all.
12 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
Draw pictures for me dear
Of life and love
Down and Out!
If I should hang my stocking up, upon this Christ-
I shouldn't get from Santa Claus the things he
meant to leave
Because,-believe me when I tell my painful tale
The only pair of sox I have are worn out at the toe.
A Wailing Rumor
Santa Claus is warmly clothed
He's furred from toe to head
But Santa Claus would freeze to death
If he slept in my bed.
Draw pictures for me dear
Of untold blisses
Draw a little closer-
Won't you dear?
Why Boys Leave Home.
I know the ways of integral and differential calc.
I know the formula for pi and rank old Mavis talc.
I know the length of Brooklyn Bridge, the depth
of Zuyder Zee:
But I don't know why she shuts her eyes each
time she kisses me.
I have to give up Mary
I must kiss Jane goodbye
I must split up with Helen
I have to pass her by
For candy is expensive
And the Christmas days are nigh!
Lord Whifempoof threw out the life line a
making it fast to a gentle zephyr, descended oi
three roller skates. "I usually come down in my
breeches buoy," he remarked to the three musket-
"Where did you get those breeches, boy?"
queried Gumshoe Gus in amazement.
"Keep still," roared Ambrose, "His Lordship
was not addressing you. But tell me," he continued
to Lord Whifempoof, "how do you like that moun-
"It's a nice mountain," interrupted Horatio,
"but I'm afraid it won't dew."
"Sh! !" cautioned Lord Whifempoof, "Bosco's
back porch is stirring! We must be careful not to
disturb it. Please throttle down your conversa-
"A thousand pardons," murmured Horatio, "I
assure you that we did not realize that it was a
And they stepped across the horizon.
"Why are you so mournful?" asked Ambrose
as Gus sent a column of sobs across the nearest
"I was reared in a pine tree," moaned Gus.
"Perhaps that accounts for the knots in your
limbs," ventured aegtio, drawing a conclusion on
the canopy of heaven.
"It is not!" bawled Gus, shedding crocodile
tears into his alligator traveling bag. "Besides, my
watch has stopped."
"Perhaps it was a stop watch," reverberated
"Be quiet," screamed Ambrose at the top of
onward to tne 1x,
And they floated c : on , tlying wedge.
"The Princess," remarked Shadey Sadie, "is
still at large."
"How large is the still?" asked Gumshoe Gus,
spanking his chops.
"Silence!" roared Ambrose. "Sadie, I can tell
by the inflection of your ears that you are possessed
of a secret. Come, you must tell us where the Prin-
cess is imprisoned."
"Hist!" cried Gus, "I hear something approach-
"It is probably the millennium," yawned Hora-
"I will tell you my secret," sobbed Sadie. "The
Princess has been sent to Siberia for a rest. She
blew a fuse in the Circuit Court!" Sadie seated
herself on a toad stool. "But the Princess is angry
at me," she continued. "I lost the silver cuspidor
that belonged to her spit curls." Sadie's tears had
now melted the glacier, and the adventurers found
themselves standing on a street car track.
"There has been a nervous wreck on this line,"
announced Horatio. "Several of the ties have come
And they waved to a passing group of thunder.
(To be continued)
I know a dame or sprulging
Whose hands and face are always clean,
So very clean they almost shine;
But oh, she has a dirty "line."
Her form, so frail from tip to top,
Could scarce negotiate a mop;
She looks too weak to move her lips,
But she shakes energetic hips.
When she walks down the street, the gawks
All rubber at this paradox;
Some people do not think she's nice-
Well, maybe not-but she'll suffice.
'e, I could sing verses to
- beauty,-yes, I think I could.
.sibilities for you
Are really good.
e is all a poet could ask,
iair is worth a page of tosh,
-r eyes would be no task,
,nd lips,-My gosh!
ways you are a joy,-
1 know who Wells and Einstein are;
ion't confuse the hoi-polloi
four grapefruit spurts not in my face,
You know the proper fork to use.
In fact, you possess every grace
That I would choose.
I could indeed sing songs about
Such charms, inspiring praise,
And versify, without a doubt,
In lofty phrase.
I say, I Could write all this stuff
If such a thing had been my wont,
And if I liked you well enough,-
But then I don't.
-F. P. G.
A Gay Life.
Alice: "Can a girl live on love?"
Virginia: "Yes-if she stays single !"
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 15
The Insidiosity of the Cigarette.
Insidiously the cigarette habit is fastening it-
self upon our college men. For sheer insidious-
ness, there are few things comparable to the to-
The actions of the victims of this curse are
sometimes astounding. (I use the word "astound-
ing" at this point, not because I know what it
means, but because a girl called me that and I de-
sire to make use of the only thing I managed to
get out of her.)
One afternoon this past week, a young victim,
in a fit of absentmindedness, entered my luxurious
suite of rooms and put on my thirty-five dollar
sheepskin. With a desire to be consistent, he thrust
into a pocket eighteen dollars of my father's hard-
earned cash. (I use the phrase "hard-earned-cash"
with the consent of the proprietors.) He failed,
however, to take my dice, which were under the
typewriter, and a maroon-colored sock which re-
posed in a top bureau drawer. I am sure that he
was a cigarette smoker, because when I entered the
room there was a smell of smoke and an air of
studied melancholy about. I know of few things
better calculated to create an air of studied melan-
choly in a student's room than a raid the day before
the rent comes due.
Most of the young men hereabouts, unable to
see into the future more than the proverbial six
feet, are spending their time and money at vile
places of amusement about Columbia. A great
many of them seem to cherish the ambition to grow
up and fill cake-eater's graves. It is none of my
business but I want to advise them to change their
ways. If a cake-eater cannot fill his own grave,
let it remain empty. Going about filling stray
graves is no proper business for a young man with
a future and about six bits.
In conclusion I wish to say that if the young
man who called at my place while I was away last
week, will return and properly identify himself, I
will lead him gently into my back room and let him
step off the best table in the house, first firmly tie-
ing his black knit to our elegant brass chandelier.
P. S.-Did you see that genial co-ed trying to
scratch a match on the sole of her tennis shoe?
Oh gee! oh gosh! oh golly!
-Pop A. Cowe.
Where Was the Fire?
Sign in Dorm: FOUND-Hose on stairs.
THE INCENSE SPOT
Here is the incense, sample it well
Please don't say that it smells like the dickens
We hope you'll like it tho maybe you'll not
This first little whiff from the incense spot.
.c * * *
I see thru you now Georgette.
* * * *
I love Mary, she loves me
Gosh how lovely she can be
Some folks say her smile's a fraud
But Mary's lovely. Oh my-goodness!
If wishes was water, I was a lake.
Burrough's dice, add up my profits.
If I were you and you were me, what a silly
fool I'd be.
The Passing of Arthur
"Bang!" Arthur passes.
Add This to Your Thesaurus.
Rub: "What is the best word you can give,
descriptive of violent action?"
Noah to the Disarma-
I find that sailing's all the bunk
And so present to you this junk;
I cannot find a place to park,
So you had better scrap my ark.
THE TAMED SHREW TO
Before my husband grew so
un a splendid bluff.
me with this little
try it on your dar-
Chaucer To Capt. Billy
I gyve the onlye thynge I've got,
Gadzooks, your scryblyngs are
redde hot! But on your puissant
jokees, I hopee, Eftsoons, you'll
use this barre of soap.
ULLER TO THE FLUNK-
esent, this Christmas day,
with which I chased the hay?
rour splendid grades reach
:rake some excuses into your
JAMES WATT TO THE WABASH
I give to you my pride and joy,
I made this engine while a boy.
Now, if the boiler does not leak,
You can reach Centralia in a week.
18 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
"Save the surface and you save all."
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 19
A Bachelor of Arts
My Rooming House.
When the books that I feared had long since dis-
I found in your room one day;
When you made my Big Ben to ring half after ten,
(You knew I was due at an eight o'clock then,)
Yet never a word did I say.
Though my bosom has swelled with the rage you
Yet never a word did I say.
When you came in and sat on my Sunday straw hat
In a manner peculiarly gay;
And when on the sly you slipped soap in my pie,
(I thought when I bought there was fun in yout
Yet never a word did I say.
And the soap, what is more, had been mine weeks
Yet never a word did I say.
There's a limit, you know, to which patience may
I no longer my wrath can allay.
When my toothbrush you use to polish your shoes,
(In fact, it's an act I can never excuse,)
I don't care what words I may say.
And then in my rush, I used that darn brush,-
There's nothing too strong I can say.
-F. P. -G
20 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
"Pop, what did you study at college?"
HELPFUL HOUSEHOLD HINTS
One of life's greatest moments is the thrill of
being the surprises of a surprise party. When the
surprisors descend upon you with an informal
greeting and a dime's worth of cheese and crackers,
perhaps some of the following simple recipes may
be found helpful:
Crocheted croquettes: Take a crochet needle
and a croquet ball, and mix thoroughly. If the re-
sult fails to resemble a croquette, add a few grated
cheese. The cheese will usually grate upon the
nerves of the croquet ball, and the consequences are
often thrilling. After the crochet needle has ceased
to scream, take this dish outside, one at a time, and
roll gently down a slight incline. When the cro-
quettes have rounded into shape, serve with a ven-
Alabaster Ice: Run a quart of milk through
a sausage grinder, under the table, outdoors, and
over the vicinity. It is sometimes necessary to run
the milk for hours before it weakens. When it be-
gins to effervesce, -wrap it gently into the outside of
a hot tamale, and carry it home under the left
arm. Place in an ice cream freezer, and apply
heat. When mixed with a quart of library paste
and served under an umbrella, it lends the effect of
a stereoptican serenade. Exceedingly excellent for
roller skating meets.
Pomeranian Punch: To one small piece of ice
add once again as much buttermilk and two col-
umns of cranberries. Place in a pop .corn popper
and distill over a curling iron. When run through
a strainer and a telephone booth the resulting liq-
uid will often arise and shout, "Number, please."
This is sure to amuse the guests. It may also be
used for drinking purposes, when placed in a flower
pot and disguised as a thirsting rubber plant. Arid
guests often respond to this decoy.
If this fails to amuse the party, try chopping
down the Victrola.
She-Why do you call your freshmen "can-
He-Because we paddle 'em.
Willie's conception of the bird of Paradise.
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 21
Wonders ihat the Prof.uncomfortably Only thing he know
lesson'a about near his name. is danSercd
Gets nervous Pretends interest Throws a fetble bluff
fifteen go Resions himself to fate- Dismissed 5min.
-at least she's worth it* -early.
An hour in class with any man who's been out the night before.
Song of Many Thousands
Others may sing of the maidens they see,
Others may rant of their charms,-not for me;
My love is a goddess, immortal is she,
And poets and sages
Have worshipped for ages
And incense have burned at her shrine.
Many the creatures
That worship her features,-
Oh, the Lady that Lives on the Dollar for mine!
Princes and merchants and men of renown,
Men of the country and men of the town,
The wise, the witty, the wealthy on down,
Before her prostrated,
Have patiently waited
From her, any favoring sign.
And so with the best of 'em,
Along with the rest of 'em,
The Lady that Lives on the Dollar for mine!
-F. P. G.
22 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
"Waiter, this soup is spoiled."
"Is that so? Who told you?"
"A little swallow."
What's Her Phone Number?
Windy-I hear Gladys is putting on speed.
Corner-Yeah, since she took up long dis-
tance running she'll go to any length.
A little Scotch-Hoot, mon! Did ye hear what
a terrible soldier th' young lordship is?
Second shot-Na, an' how is that?
A little Scotch-Isn't he forever a-telling about
the bood wars he war in?
"That fog," remarked Zeus to Appollo, "is cer-
tainly insignificant. When it fell from the cloud
over there it wasn't even mist."
MY OLD-FASHIONED GIRL
I went to Kansas City for the holidays,
spent lots of things besides Christmas there,
drank a fair percentage of real water, and was seen
with at least two girls who had mammas. But
along about New Year's I had had all the fun there
was, and decided to turn over a new leaf.
It was in the conservatory of the Statlebach
that I reached my annual decision to be good. Then
I looked up with high resolve in my eyes, and saw
Her. She was so demure, so reserved, so sweet,
that I was enchanted.
Her evening-gown came almost to her ankles;
only a tiny portion of her back and shoulders were
exposed, showing her wonderful skin; her hair was
not bobbed, and her ears were not wholly hidden;
and, wonder of wonders, her cheeks were not roug-
I sighed in admiration. Here was one girl, at
least, that was untouched by this age of reckless,
soulless living. A real old-fashioned girl--so mod-
est and unassuming-and above all, such a sensi-
I, who was fed up on the fickle flappers, vowed
that I would meet this girl, and some day marry
As I was thus lost in admiration, a young man
appeared in the doorway. He was dressed in the
motley of a medieval jester.
"Why, sweet patootie," cooed my Ideal with
a well-staged pout, "where ya been? We'll be late
And they went in to the masquerade hall.
SHOWME wifhes everyone a Merry Christmas
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 23
"Say It With Flowers"
Columbia Floral Co.
7th and Broadway
Put Up Your Weapons, Men!
First Simple Nimrod-Hey, don't shoot. Your
gun isn't loaded.
His Partner-Can't help that, the bird won't
"Why do they say that the instructors get a
"Because no microbe could live on the money
than last year
Stetson has always
taken particular pride
in college men's un-
failing approval of
A critical clientele, and
one whose influence
makes itself felt far
beyond the campus.
JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY, PHILADELPHIA
Stetson Money's Worth
The same today as for
56 years assured
Stetson Quality Mark
in Every Hat
If Santa Claus Could Take
a Pool Table Down a
He would give you one for Christmas,
but the best he can do is recommend
24 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
DO YOU WANT
Join our Christmas Saving Club
and you will have it next year.
Exchange National Bank
Ic to $10
Will start you
Drop in. Let us
tell you about it.
You'll know the difference if you try
us once. Our finishing is combined
with clearness and sharpness of detail.
Once will be enough to convince you
Scientists say that sleeping outdoors makes one
beautiful. At last! Now we know how to account
for the hobo's charming appearance.-Sun Dial.
Tom-Fellows, who do you think is doing the
most for the morals of the American youth?
Dick-The editor of La Vie Parisienne. He's
still having the magazine printed in French.-Gar-
Columbia Printing Company
Better Printing at Reasonable Prices.
Programs, Invitations, Sta-
Guitar Bldg. Phone 431
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 25
The Drug Shop
Has the Xmas for you and yours.
Come and see
W. C. KNIGHT, Prop.
At That Student Boarding House.
Landlady-I think you had better board else-
Student-Yes, I will admit I frequently have.
Student-Had better board elsewhere.-Drexerd
The Venus of Milo has no arms, but nobody
ever notices it.-Humbug.
Any Place in City
4 8 1
Any Place in City
Let Us "Show You"
Our stocks have been selected with special
attention to you and your wants-your buy-
The prices are fair, the values unequalled.
We make a specialty of Sorority and Fra-
ternity Jewelry, stationery and emblem goods.
T. L. Floyd, Jeweler
706 Broadway Columbia, Mo. Phone 931
That's the reason
she likes it when
you say "after the
show we'll go to
And that's the reason
you like it, too.
Perfection in Confection
MILLARD & SISSON
26 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
Everything worn by the well-
-Except his shoes
But never high priced
Sand B Clo. Co.
Sykes E Broadhead
Guest (Tugging at drawer): "Boy, this
drawer is stuck tight. See if you can open it."
Bellhop: "Can't you put your bottle under
Reporter: "What has become of that crack
proofreader you used to have on the European bat-
Editor: "I've put him to work on the sym-
phony orchestra programs."
Yes, a Gold Brick, a brick of
Made only by the
White Eagle Dairy Co.
Rub: "Jack did the wedding march fine,
. Dub: "Yes, and mark my words, he'll do it
even better in the future!"
So 'Tis! So 'Tis!
Watch--What is a boob ?
Fob-A boob is a man who kisses a girl fifteen
minutes after he meets her and then allows her to
persuade him that she has never been kissed be-
QUICK SERVICE SHORT ORDERS
Special 50c Dinner
Formerly GORDON'S CAFE Kitchen open for inspection
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 27
Rummans Transfer Company
Baggage a Specialty Prompt Service
Our Monthly Limber Limerick.
A lass once went for a stroll
"Tick, Tock" said the clock on the shelf
But the ink well went dry
And the slippers both slipped
Shredded Wheat, Wrigley's Gum, mashed potatoes.
"Isn't that Du Barry's" shouted Louie XV as
Jean took a cigarette case from his pocket.
A Rough Initiation, So to Speak.
"What was the hardest thing you found in
learning to drive your car?"
"A stone wall."-Awgwan.
Newly Wed (To Preacher)-"Well, Parson,
how much do I owe you for the ceremony?"
Preacher-"Why, the law allows me a dollar."
N. W.-"All right, here's two bits; that'll make
you a dollar and a quarter."
Cars For Rent
With or Without Driver
T. Fred Whitesides
10 N. Seventh St. Telephone 1400
28 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
BRASELTONS' shoes are made
Right by expert workman
All sizes and widths
Selling for less money
Every pair guaranteed
Let us show you our styles
To convince you
Our prices are right
Now is the time to purchase
See oui windows
Always the Right Price
And let us show you
Our new arrivals in all wool
SOCIETY BRAND Clothes
Victor Barthe Clothing Co
The Big Clothiers
We-Hold No Clearance Sales
(Opposite Hall Theatre)
HARLAN C. PRATHER, Prop.
Hair Cut, 35c Shave, 15c
Virginia Building South Ninth Street
"If I lend you ten dollars, what security will
you be able to give me?"
"The word of an honest man."
"All right, bring him along, and I'll see what
I can do for you."-Banter.
"My dear Mrs. Smith, I think your daughter
recites remarkably well, don't you?"
"Yes. All she needs is a short course in elec-
trocution, sort of to finish her off, as you might
Are You Wearing An
Then it's time to
We are ready to take care of you
Morris Billiard Parlor
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER 29
Now Is the Time to Buy
Gifts of Quality
Our assortment is now complete and it
will be a pleasure to make your selections
from our fine stock of Diamonds, Watch-
es, Clocks, Jewelry, Cut Glass, Silver-
ware, Brass Goods and other articles
suitable for gifts. Articles selected now
will be engraved and delivered later.
You should not select your gifts before
a visit to this store of matchless assort-
ment and incomparable values.
"Gifts that Last"
Rastus-What's you all doing with that shoe
Liza-Look heah niggah, that's massage
"Oh curse these organ recitals!" cried the stude
as the zoology lecturer reached for another cat.
"Have you read 'Far From the Maddening
Throng?" asked the professor in English class.
"No," responded the egg,-"but I've got 'All by
Myself' on the victrola."-Princeton Tiger.
Gentleman, escorting Lady (To roadhouse pro-
prietor)-Have you any good mushrooms.
Proprietor-Waiter, show this gentleman to
one of our private dining rooms.-Princeton Tiger.
"Assorted curses," growled the villain as the
hero stabbed him with a cheese knife.
under new management
We make a specialty of
Will Call If You Will
The Quick, Clean, iteaners
Tailoring and Repairing
Our Most Careful Attention
30 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
THE GIRL AT HOME
THE VARSITY GIRL
-Are alike in appreciating a nice fresh box of
JOHNSON CHOCOLATES OR
LIBERTY CANDY KITCHEN
Cor. 9th and Broadway
Evidently Been There.
Night Leaguer-So the girl's sore at you, eh?
Pledge-Yes, say's she won't see me until
Night Leaguer-What's going on Wednesday,
a big show?-Frivol.
Mrs. Murphy-And shure, Mrs. Casey, Pat
must be married. For didn't Oi hear him say last
night to wan iv the bhoys, 'Baby needs a new pair
-Cultivate the letter-writing
habit in your friends
Giving them a box of Station-
ery for Christmas
The Missouri Store
The Center of Interest.
Risque Co-ed-To think that we are to be pre-
vented from rouging our knees!
Conservative-But we can still rouge our faces.
Risque Co-ed-True, but who looks at our
Heard at the Navy Crew Race.
Biddie-I suppose you have been in the navy
so long you are accustomed to sea legs?
Middie-Lady, I wasn't even lookin.'-Tiger.
IT'S RED HOT.
Moonlight Dance Orchestra
Bill Fox, Mgr. Phone 472
THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
The Ninth Street Jeweler
"Please, ma'am, give a poor blind man a dime."
"Why, you're only blind in one eye!"
"Well, make it a nickel then."-Lampoon.
Soph-You want to keep your eyes open
around here today.
Soph-Because people will think you are a
damn fool if you go around with the-m shut.
Wash Your Hands
and let us wash your clothes
and Dry Cleaning Co.
Student Headquarters for:
Furniture, Rugs, Trunks,
Parker Furniture Co.
16 N. 10th Street
Visit our store each month and hear
the new Edison records.
The ol' sky piece is gone.
There ain't no more rules.
If you shoot a wicked stick
-come down to
32 THE SHOWME for DECEMBER
HALL THEA TRE
America's Greatest Stars
The World's Best Pictures
Interesting If True.
We have at hand a report that a prominent
university is going to build a dormitory for girls
seven stories high. What's worrying us is, how
high is the dormitory to be? -Sun Dial.
Meow! ! !
Miss Primp-Tell me truly, as friend to friend,
do you think I am vain?
Miss Sharp-I could hardly say that, dear.
Shall we say, rather, highly imaginative.-Awgwan.
"If the guy who said, 'All the world's a stage"
had lived today, he probably would have likened.
the old globe to a gymnasium."
"Why a gymnasium?"
"So many dumbells, so many dumbells."
If someone would invent an alarm clock which
would make a noise like popping corks, there would
be few studes missing their eight o'clocks.
Agent-I've got a device here for getting en-
ergy from the sun.
Mr. Jones-Here! give me one for mine.
The Little Queen-Have you ever kissed a
Her partner, Oscar-Is that an invitation, or
are you gathering statistics? -Drexerd
Chocolate Shop Candies
Are Legal Tender in
Paying Social Obligations
Tavern Drug Store
Tom Heath "Kitty" Lightner
Ready for You
A G-K Tux sets
the style standard
for those parties and
and all the other
duds to go along
Gordon & Koppel
Columbia Kansas City