The Outlaw December, 1925 The Outlaw December, 1925 2008 1925/12 image/jpeg University of Missouri-Columbia Libraries Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show192512

The Outlaw December, 1925; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1925

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Merry Christmas The Outlaw Take Off Number Price 25 cents FRESHMEN, SOPHOMORES, JUNIORS, SENIORS, ATHLETES- Do You Know "How to Study" The Students' Hand-Book of Practical Hints on the Technique of Effective Study by WILLIAM ALLEN BROOKS A GUIDE containing hundreds of practical hints and short cuts in the economy of learning, to assist students in securing MAXIMUM RE- SULTS at a minimum cost of time, energy, and fatigue. ESPECIALLY RECOMMENDED for over- worked students and athletes engaged in extra curriculum activities and for average and honor students who are working for high scholastic achievement. Some of the Topics Covered Scientific Shortcuts in Effective Study. Preparing for Examinations. Writing Good Examinations. Brain and Digestion in Relation to Study. How to Take Lecture and Reading Notes. Advantages and Disadvantages of Cramming. The Athlete and His Studies. Diet During Athletic Training. How to Study Modern Languages. How to Study Science, Literature, etc. Why Go to College? After College, What? Developing Concentration and Efficiency. etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., Why You Need This Guide "It is safe to say that often a chastisement, a failure is the weak flagellation, and an in- point in the whole edu- surperable obstacle to c a t i o n a machine." contentment." Prof. A. Prof. G. M. Whipple, Inglish, Harvard. U. of Michigan. "Academic psychol- "The successful men ogy with its highly pro- in college do not seem ductive resources glad- to be very happy. Most ly owes to these (stu- of them, especially the dents) the obligation of athletes, are overwork- giving all it can to ed." Prof. H. S. Canby, make this learning pro- Yale. cess easier, more pleas- "Misdirected labor, ant, and in all ways though honest and well more productive." Prof. intentioned may lead to G. V. N. Dearborn. naught. Among t he "HOW TO STUDY" most important things will show you how to for the student to learn avoid all misdirected ef- is how to study. With- fort. out a knowledge of this labor may be largely in Get a good start and vain." Prof. G. F. make this year a highly Swain, M. I. T. successful, one by send- "To students w h o ing for this hand-book, have never learned how guide, companion, and to study, work is very adviser, NOW. You Need This Intelligent Assistance AMERICAN STUDENT PUBLISHERS, Clip 22 West 43rd St., New York. Please send me a copy of "How to and Mail Study" for which I enclose $1.00 cash; $1.10 check. N am e ................ ............................... .......... T oday Address .................................................... Herald-Statesman Dorn-Cloney Laundry and Dry Cleaning Co. THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER The CO-OP Mennen Shaving Cream 4 THE OUTLAW--TAKE-OFF NUMBER Victor Barth Clothing Co. MUELLER'S A little Jewish boy stood in the middle of the street and cried as if his heart would break into forty pieces. A large crowd gathered around the mourn- ful waif, and endeavored to learn the cause for his woe. When the multitude had reached an almost uncontrolable number, the boy took his hands from his eyes. "What's the matter sonny," asked a member of the crowd. "Boo-hoo," cried the lad. "Von't somebody please take me to Izzy Ikenstein's clothing store. There is a big sale on men's zuits, overcoats, and ties. Every- thing at reasonable prices."-Whirlwind. "Don't you think my wife has a fine voice?" "Eh ?" "Don't you think my wife has a fine voice?" "That woman is making so much racket I can't hear a thing you're saying."-Yellow Jacket. "Cultivating old acquaintances," said the farmer, as he drove the harrow over the abandoned grave- yard.-Widow. ROSENTHAL SCHOOL OF COMMERCE Vanity Fair THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 5 "Jack kissed me last night." "How many times?" "I came to confess, not to boast."-Brown Jug. Third man from the left-Aha, the trees are leav- ing, is it not so? The one next-Yes, but how did you know? T. M. T. L.-'Tis easy, I can see their trunks. -Pup "All my girl's neck-" "Good Heaven! How lovely!" "--isn't clean all the time.-Wabash Caveman. Contributor: Whats the matter with my jokes? Editor: They're fine except for one little thing. Contributor: What's that? Editor: They're not funny. -U. of Wash. Columns Magazine Agent: Is the lady of the house home? Maid (smiling): No; come right in.-Minn. Ski- U-Mah. College Humor MISSOURI BARBECUE J. A. BUCHROEDER GENERAL ELECTRIC THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER THE ORIGINAL TAKE-OFF This, my friends, is the "'Take-Off" number, A burlesque on the fantasies of life, Just a little bit o'f fun and humor Beneath the drab of daily strife. Now there are lots of take-offs And many is but a joker, But the best of all the others, Is the real old take-off poker, Where one bets a shoe, Or a lacy this or that, And, Oh! my goodness how exciting When all are standing pat. There are take-offs on the professors And the innocent young co-ed But the tragic, most distracting take-off Is where the grader cuts you dead. There are take-offs on all the classics And a pun on every poem. But I see a darn good take-off In the upstairs window Of a certain maiden's home. Now we could go on forever Telling take-offs and making fun, But I see she has pulled the curtain So I guess the taking-off is done. THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER The College Pest THE BOZO WHO ENTERS WITH HIS INSTRUMENTAL MENAGERIE AND INSISTS ON EXECUTING HIS LATEST CONQUESTS IN JAZZ. THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 9 The Outlaw VOLUME II DECEMBER, 1925 NUMBER III The Outlaw's Own True Confession Having been asked by the Moral Uplift Commit- tee of the Outlaw to write a story of my life I have decided to bare my heart's secrets to the world in the hope that I may be the means of keeping some girl from going astray. Of course the names and places are slightly changed as I do not want my words to be the cause of any one having to leave town. I was born and raised in a small Missouri town just as many other girls. My earliest memories are of a sweet grey haired mother who sent me to Sunday school attired in white dresses tied in the back with pink silk bows. Oh, if I had only remem- bered the advice of my dear old mother I would nev- er have gone wrong! As it is-well I hate to be hard on anyone, but I believe I should tell my story. I met handsome Egbert Ralston while he was home on his first summer's vacation from college. His cute wide bottomed trousers, his garterless silk sox, his curly hair and flashing teeth-all held me entranced until my heart was no longer my own. When the handsome Egbert asked me to go riding in his new roadster I blushed discreetly and accept- ed. His charming manners and quiet masterly way of making me feel comfortable in his big, muscular arms made me forget all of the moral precepts which had been drilled into me since childhood. Of course, being a college gentleman, he did not try to kiss me the first time but asked for future dates. I promised to see him the follolwing evening. All that summer I went out with handsome Egbert. Every night his car was parked in front ot my house, every night jealous girl friends of mine waved their handkerchiefs at me as we sped by them, leaving them and their men in a, cloud of dust. I was with Egbert so much that I began to have absolute confidence in every thing he said and did. If I had only not loved him so whole heartedly how much better it would have been! One night he went the limit! Suddenly he pulled a flask out of his hip pocket and pressed it to my lips. Never doubting the sincerity of his love I drank the black coffee which the flask contained. For nights after that we would park along the roadside or in the rear of school houses and drink the poisonous fluid. Not realizing what I was do- ing I acquired the habit! Even today the mark of my iniquity is on my face. A soggy complexion is the penalty 'for my sinful habit. I finally left Egbert and have almost conquered the foul habit. Living by myself up here in the mountains I manage to make enough money from my poultry yard to support myself and the small but pitiful object that reminds me so much of Egbert as he looked when I saw him last-a Poland China pig which he gave me on my last birthday. And now gentle reader, if you ever hear of any fair maiden -who is in danger of being led in to the habits of evil as I was, please tell her that-"There's a Reason," THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER "You are concealing something from me," said the hero. "Certainly I am," replied the girl, "I'm no Sa- lome." Perhaps one reason mixed track meets aren't in vogue is that they might become neck-and-neck af- fairs. Now that Red Grange has abandoned the Illini we guess he is "something intermedjiate" and will now have to wear garters. "Yes," sighed the great daredevil, "the worst wreck I was ever in was one of those collegiate Fords atM. U." THE RAH-RAH BOYS AND GIRLS. Oh we're the fraternity boys, hoo-ray, We study and grind all the day. We gather our knowledge At this noble college. We work and have no time for play. Oh we're the fraternity boys, hoo-ray, We study so hard it's a curse, But when we get our marks, Hell, they can't be much worse! Oh we're the fraternity boys. Oh -we're the sorority girls, hoo-ray, We love and adore every man. We love the bright sunlight And also the moonlight, In fact, we love all that we can. Oh, we're the sorority girls, hoo-ray, We're gentle as gentle can be- But there's one girl we hate- She's the pretty pledgee. )Oh we're the sorority girls. )Oh we're the fraternity buys, hoo-ray, 'Phe girlies say they like our looks. We walk with some beauties, Some fair co-ed cuties, With nothing in our pocketbooks. Oh we're the 'fraternity boys, hoo-ray, We're wearing the best kind of clothes- But whose clothes we've got on The good Lord only knows! Oh we're the fraternity boys. An inspector in an army camp noticed that a drill- sergeant was having a great deal of trouble with a new recruit. The "rooky" would march forward, go slowly a short distance, and then halt. Each time the drill-sergeant would have difficulty in getting the "rooky" to march forward again. Finally the inspector approached and asked: "Is the recruit sick?" "No, sir, he didn't answer sick-call this morning." "Is he a pacifist?" "No, sir, but he has ear trouble and he is so afraid that he won't hear me say 'halt' that he stops every once in a while to listen." Math Prof: Now, gentlemen, we get x=0. Beta (Sleepily) "Gee, and all that work for nothing! THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 11 ODE TO FLUKIE HADDOCK Flukie Haddock, with your black and curly hair, Flukie Haddock, we're going to treat you fair. Though they say that you go far In the back seat of your car, Flukie Haddock, we think you're on the square. Flukie Haddock, with your black and curly hair. Flukie Haddock, the idol of the ladies' row, Flukie Haddock, the hero of every show Though they say that you high hat All those not in your frat, Flukie Haddock, with your black and curly hair, Flukie Haddock, you can lead us to your lair. Identification. Stew: "Let me have a package of cigarettes, old friend. I promise you on the word of a gentleman to give them back tomorrow." Dent: "Bring the gentleman here and let me see him." First Co-ed: "I'm so afraid this dress is old- fashioned." Second Co-ed: "Yes, dear. It hides too much thigh." "Are there any pious people in this town?" "So they say." Clog: Say there is nothing shocking enough to wake the dead. Blower: How come? Clog: Some of my Citizenship students chased me out on West Broadway last night and I hid in the cemetery. Gimmee: Got any matches? Jimmy: Yah, got matches to burn. DRAMATIC NOTES A local seminary for select young ladies reports that the fair students are all agog with excitement over the forthcoming production to be staged by their dramatic club. Last year they put on "Uncle Tom's Cabin" to a large and enthusiastic audience. The demand for parts was so great that this year they intend to present a super production, bigger and better than anything before. Even the cast will be bigger! Individually they ought to weigh in at two hundred on the hoof. Five little Evas, three Elizas, two Marks, fourteen Topsies, and ten tan Toms will comprise the cast. It is whispered in exclusive dramatic circles, such as the inner confines of the local Workhouse, that the play will be unusual. The great problem at present is to secure the necessary kinks by the thirty-first of February, the date set for this great spectacle. Par- ents need not leave the children at home. Mrs. Barrel of Babble Glass fame has deleted all ques- tionable parts. Even the Topsies are referred to as being of synthetic origin. Charm House Hands Have Happy House. Having won the national agricultural inter-fra.ter- nity pig-calling contest, the Charm House Hands are feeling their oats. Every night sounds of "soo- soo-sooy" rend the air around their shed. Some of the hands are trying to secure permission from the city authorities to install pig styes in the back yard. Some df the pledges are getting home-sick from having to wear underclothes and shoes so it was thought that pigs and chickens in the back yard would keep the young country gentlemen contented. A Soul Kiss, 12 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER Frigid: "The only men I kiss are my brothers." Rigid: "What lodge do you belong to?" Style Note. Several of our younger men about the campus are wearing their double-breasted coats unbuttoned. They admit it looks a trifle sloppy, but argue that everyone might not know they belonged to a lodge unless the pins were given a chance. Kelly's Comments This presentation of stones to the various schools on the campus is a charming idea. The Engineers have long gloried in their possession of a piece of the Blarney stone, the gi'ft of old St. Pat. And now the Journalists have their stone, from London-town. Eminent student geologists are at present engaged in research to determine other stones which might b presented with singular fitness to divers depart- ments of the University. Tentative suggestions in- clude the gift to the Commerce school of a stone from King Solomon's temple in Jerusalem, the ten- dering to the Lawyers of a full-sized Blackstone, and an offering to the Medics of a chaste and modest tombstone. Numerous flippant suggestions have had to be frowned upon, such as the idea of a bar- rel of lava 'fragments to be placed in front of Jesse Hall, with the inscription: "Once hot rocks, now stony brok.." Let our motto for the future be "More and better rocks!" Apropos of the growth of decorative art as ex- pressed by the emblems stenciled on familiar Co- lumbia landmarks, we are thankful that the Univer- sity does not include a barber college. It is only reasonable to suppose that one of the Columns would look rather bizarre and fanciful if adorned with spiral stripes of red and white enamel. OUTLAW DAYS Give me stories of the early days, Out in the good old West; Where beat a heart of gold Beneath a grimy vest. There in the deadly desert, Where there were snappin' snakes; Where men were always men And there never were no fakes. The desert heat was terrible, 'Twas a hundred in the shade; liens' eggs just fried right up Wherever they were laid. And on the lonely prairie, The prickly cactus grew; They pulled it up in bunches, And made it into stew. And fellers goin' courtin,' Used goose grease for poniade; (irls used flour instead of powder, And it stuck where it was laid. 'Twas there lived the gambler's gal, A kid named "Lovin' Sal"; She killed a dozen men a day, And was the cowboys' pal. There too was fightin' "Deadly Bill," The toughest o'f them all; He only bathed in perspiration, And was eight feet seven tall. And then our handsome hero, He was quite far from dead; He knocked the villian for a row And Sal to him was wed. First Convict: "Says here that it took Milton a year to write one paragraph." Second Convict: "Nothing at all, I have been here six years and I'm still on one sentence." THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 13 The Bearded Lady Aesthetic I never saw a woman shave 1 never ever want to But none the less I must con'fess I've oft seen those who ought to. The Disappearance of Ag Hats We reckon these here last few years has seen there ain't so much hats on the White Campus as there used to be. Now we ain't trying to be partic- ular, but we can remember them days when every- body wore one. Them were the good old (lays, right. Now we kinder got the notion that them there academs with slickered hair is laffin us Ags out of wearing these hats. These here hats was good enough fer our great grandfathers, an we reckon their yood enough fer us. Now if any of you uns hear jest want to be a sissy like some of these hear city slickers, why just put on your dresses and go down to the pool hall and show off. But if yuh want tuh be a real he-man like us, put on your big Ag hats and get a chaw of tobacker in your mug, and show these hear sissy fellers on the Red Campus they ain't got nary a thing on us Ags over hear on the White Campus. Memorial Tower to Be Painted! Latest dispatches indicate that Kappa, Nu Theta has accepted the contract for painting the Memorial 'ower. Having painted everything else in town they feel confident that they can handle this job. Their activities as a choral club having been dis- couraged by a resolution, they are anxious to re- main a local sign painters' fraternity. Sheaths and Daggers Present Millinery Masque. Sheaths and Daggers, honorable millinery fra- ternity has announced that it hopes to hand out free tickets to its annual production. Last year the officers and gentlemen (we have to print it that way on account of an act of Congress) had to pay peo- ple to come to their play but this year they hope to be able to draw a crowd without resorting to brib- ery. "The Royal None Such" is the name of the coming production. The Kaydet actors want the public to bear in mind that this will not be the same as "The Royal None Such" in Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn." Instead of leaving on the third night of the production the future Napoleons intend to demonstrate their bravery by remaining for the inevitable vegetable barrage from the audi- ence. Costumes will he supplied by Goslin's Govern- ment Draperies (Not Incorporated). At the Gappa Gappa Yawn House. Roderica was in her glory that beautiful June evening. Was it not the night of the cappa Gappa Yawn formal? Hadn't, the Gappas succeeded in having their 'formal at the very end of the social season? And above all else, hadn't the Gappas suc- ceeded in pledging two Darn Clammy queens right out from under the noses of those impossible Fly Highs? The Gappas would certainly receive all their clothes intact from the laundry from now on. If anyone deserved to be happy it was Roderica. Walking into the ball room she inquired of a pledge: "Is everything quite in readiness? Have all you pledges mastered the Gappa twist so that the guests can be shot through the receiving line in three sec- onds flat?" "Yes, Miss Roderica." "Are our lorgnettes tilted at the right angle ?" "Yes, Miss Roderica." "Are you sure that no reporters are present?" "Yes, Miss Roderica." "Then go out and get some at once, and be quick about it." It Put Men in Trances. There was a young lady named Frances, Who was known to have done fancy dances; In a smile and a veil, She was taken to jail, Since then she has quit taking chances. 14 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER The Takeoff Published Off And On THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 15 FAKE-OFF ADS LONELY HEARTS Lonely men and women the world over, be not downhearted. After great expenditure of time and money we are able to announce that we have secured the services of a great matrimonial expert. He is able to secure husbands for those who always order chicken salad, for those whose best friends won't tell them, and for the underdeveloped. Do you wish to espouse a real man? Do you ever picture yourself in a little love nest? Do you ever feel lonely, restless, unsatisfied, or run down at the heel? Do you ever see pink spots? Don't let your college career end in failure. Secure a husband somehow . We plan and carry out marriages on short notice, and without the aid of chloroform, shotguns, or sheriffs. Each husband (delivered tied and bound in appropriate holiday ribbon, complete with ring, li- cense, rice, old shoes, ticket to Niagara Falls, and directions for operating. Shipping Wait-About One Hour. Get Yours Now A. K. Sha Supply Co. The SARNO Piano (Named for the Great Dance King) A Reproducing Piano of Excellence Crossed with a cash register this piano is known to have reproduced Jew's Harps. We will not be respon- sible for results if left in room with saxaphone. This piano will play victrola rec- ords, penny ante and strip poker. In ordering specify whether you wish a "Eugenic" or a "Non Eugenic" model. Also specify age of player. $9,875.00 f. o. b. Bolivar, Mo. Brittania Rules the Waves Brittania Hair-nets are worn and demonstrated by a prominent faculty member. Many sergeants of the U. S. Marine Corps use Brittania Hair-nets as chest protectors. While you may not be a Marine sergeant or a faculty member, we appeal to you in the name of the starving Chinese hair growers-sup- port the white man's burden, wear a hair net. We are merely engaged in the business of distributing these lroducts to the enlightened world, our family physician having advised us to do this for our health. In our mammoth daylight assembling plant we have developed hair-nets that are tasteless, tangleproof and superior in every respect. To use the words of Oscar Wilde-'We aim to please'l RULE BRITTANIA! LOST! On the Evening of Friday, December 4, 1925 One 5x8 rug. One porch swing Eight (8) milk bottles One boudoir lamp One Clothesline (complete with family wash. (Signed) VARIOUS CITIZENS OF COLUMBIA FOR SALE OR RENT By Sheaths and Daggers (Honorable Millinery Fraternity) 1 rug, 5x8. 1 porch swing 8. milk bottles (empty) 1 boudoir lamp 1 clothesline with family wash attached Address KAYDET KOLONEL SHEDS 16 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER Christmas Eve "Her dad is in charge o'f a large number of Mis- sourians." "What is he? Mayor of a city?" "No; he delivers newspapers." "Necessity is the mother of invention," droned Professor Sonorous. "Then what about Edison?" asked one young in- nocent. Snipper: "I see in the papers that a Russian in- ventor can send pictures of moving objects over the radio." Snapper: "Does that mean we'll soon be able to follow Prof. Burner in a lecture ?" A FUTURE CHRISTMAS "Women of Future Will Be The Stronger Sex"- News Headline. "Don't cook the meal tomorrow, John," Said wifey to her mate. (She crushed him to her manly breast). "Christmas ,we'll celebrate. We'll eat our goose at Gippem's lunch; Then see a show, what say?" (She squeezed his little hand in hers). "At night, a cabaret!" "What would you like for Christmas, John? "A bottle of perfume?" (She lit her stylish Dunhill pipe). "Or maybe, say, a broom?" John rested in her big strong arms; Upon her chest, his head; (He looked up to her whiskered face). "A new silk dress," he said. At the "Big Fore Barber Shop." "Say," said the student, "is that toothpaste?" "No, sir," said the barber, "that's shaving soap." "Then, sir," said the student, "don't put any more in my mouth." Inee Briate says that, although he sets a limit for himself, he gets drunk before he reaches it. Another Man on the Staff. Editor Outlaw: "Look here, mister, we need humorists on the Outlalw staff." Freshman contributor: "Yah, that's why I want to be on the staff." Catty. First Meow: "Those twin sisters from Saint Louis are decided blondes." Second Meow: "Yes, but they only decided in September." Pie Canned Alfalfa Doings. "We always send our pledges out of the house when the bill collectors come around." "Oh, I wondered why there was a battalion stand- ing at rest in your front yard all day long." A Haymaker. Shed Fields, the actor: "I'm going to retire from the stage." Noid Lewell: "The people will miss you." Shed Fields: "That's the idea, I'm tired of being hit." THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER 17 SONG OF OCULAR FASCINATION Our rah-rah boys may shout and yell; The co-eds giggle fit to die; In pompous tone the pulpit's own May puff and bawl and plead and sigh; Some profs may put their studes to sleep, And others rave and tear their hair; And some mad prof may bite a dog . . . We all admire a baby stare! In gay plus-fours the studes my strut, With checkered sox and neckties red; Their shaven maps be smooth perhaps; Their feet may thump the walks like lead; With cheap perfumes the girls parade; To stifle all who pass, prepare; And Switzler Hall may fall apart . . We all admire a baby stare! Some drunken stew may hit the trail; The undertaker do the same; And football players break their necks To earn their pay and win the game; The prudish may go in 'for art, And hang their walls with bodies bare; Though higher education frown ... We all admire a baby stare! L' Envoi. The earth may crack; the world may end; We all admire a baby stare. At the Awful Ganga Dumbells' House. "Is it true that blondes have less pep than Ti- tians ?" "Ask Halberta, she's been both." Ed: "What do girls do in sorority meeting?" Chloe: "Think about the men. What do men do in fraternity meeting?" Ed: "Try to forget about the girls." One: How is her line? Two: Judging from the crowd following her it must be a tow line. Shoemaker: Mary is one of my best customers. Friend: Yes, she is a good girl. Bogg: How is her form? Blower: Good all around. One: What's the idea of carrying a rifle? Two: Do you expect the damn thing to walk? Out to the House. Isadora: "I'm through with you, here is your pin." Isadore: "Who is the other man?" Isadora: "Do you intend to fight him?" Isadore: "No main, he niight be a fraternity brother and I could sell him the pin." At the Zigma Cry House. National Inspector: "What a rich bunch of boys we have here. Are they the sons of oil kings?" Zigma Cry: "No, but four kings and a queen are responsible. I was at the poker game that gave us our start." Because of W. S. G. A. Chaperone: "Now, Egbert, the last time you came to this house you promised to never get drunk again." Tite: "'lhis isn't 'again. This is yet." At the Dollar Thirty Five Law Frat. Pre-Law Student: Do you have many criminal lawyers among your alumni?" Dollar Thirty Five President: No, they all joined the Fly Dollar Fly bunch before they graduated." At Read Hall. Girlee: "Oh, I'm so warm, let's not dance for awhile." Boyee: "There's a lovely bench out in the or- chard." Girlee: "Why bother, I'm not that warm," The Original Take-Off, as Seen by Christian College 18 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER The Outlaw Staff BUSINESS MANAGER EDITOR ADVERTISING MANAGER Erie H. Sherman Charles E. Chapel Pauline Stoner ASSISTANT EDITORS CIRCULATION MANAGER S. Wolfe Eichel James lHamilton MANAGING EDITOR COLLECTION MANAGER Charles Burgess A. C. Reed SERVICE DEPARTMENT COVER ARTIST K. M. Gentry Dale Beronius CONTRIBUTING EDITORS CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS Henry Lapidus A. Bruce Donegan Jules Sherman Eugene C. Beal A. L. Finestone W. C. llfehl J. T. Hightower Warren Kraus THE OUTLAW is issued each month during the college year. Subscription price for the full year is $1.50. Office situated at the corner of Conley and Gentry Avenues. Address all commu.nication to THE OUTLAW, Columbia, Missouri. Copyright 1925, by THE OUTLAW. Contents of this magazine must not be reprinted. VOLUME II DECEMBER, 1925 NUMBER III 0. O. M'INTYRE, THE OUTLAW'S GODFATHER, NEW YORK CITY A GRINNING SKULL PUBLICATION ALL OF US This magazine is supposed to be 'funny. Those readers who find nothing within its columns which makes them laugh will agree that this statement is a joke. In that case they are satisfied. Many of our readers save the price of an Atlantic Monthly by reading their neighbor's OUTLAW. But we are afraid that they do not buy the Atlantic Monthly either. All of this brings us to the statement that we are a feeling people but not a thinking people. Because we are a feeling people instead of a think- ing people we measure values in terms of sensations. The shortest joke, the raciest novel, the most sen- sational Sunday School teacher is the most popular. Measurement of life according to its "kick Power" is responsible for the erection of stadiums while law buildings stand unfinished, and for the maintenance of college courses which train us what to think rather than how to think. Feeling our weakness we herd together in "ex- clusive" groups organized largely for mutual admir- ation. Those who come down to our level and con- form to our standard we welcome by the dozen; those who fail to help us in our self-worship we will receive with smiles in public, but behind their backs we brand them as "impossible." Perhaps the satiric pen can do something to raise us from the slough of complacency and herd feeling. The OUTLAW wishes to thank the following contributors for their work on this number: Law- rence Brille, Matilda Janes, Nelle Dahnke, Dick Jones, William Jack, Edward Wise, Mary O'Reilly, Kenneth Lankford, Marjorie Lewis, Frances Kelly, Herman Sarno, and Francis Chinn. We especially wish to thank our new representatives, D. Virginia Smith of Christian College, and Grace Jones of Stephens College. Whitman's Famous Candies are sold by PECK DRUG COMPANY 20 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER THE KING OF SIAM Who is the King of Siam? I am, Gosh damn! I derive all my joys From fat little boys. I'm a heck of a guy, I am. One: Dorothy had a beard on her face last night. Two: How did that happen? One: A thrilling lumberjack she met last sum- nler, came to see her. Newsy: Poipah, mister, poipah? Big moider! Illuminated gent: Awgwan. I bought one lasht week. The class ii American Diplomatic History has decided, after exhaustive research, that Lulu is a "persona non grata." What's technique?" "Technique, me boy, is :telling an inquisitive rushee that the house he asked about is all right, but with just the right inflection of the voice to let him know that they are a bunch of thugs, morons, or worse as compared to your own house."-Widow. A Good Substitute. Passerby: Good heaven! What's that going on over in your barn? Murder? Owner: Nope, that's one o' them Fraternity 'nitia- tions. -Panther. The Finis. Hogg: "My ancestors came over on the May- flower." Hike: "Yes? Mine canceled their passage be- cause they heard there was a rough bunch aboard." There was a young girl from Dubuque Who got on the wrong train by a fluke; She opened a winder, And in flew a cinder; And her language was past all rebuke. "It isn't the presents I care about," sighed the broker. "It's the futures." Ike: "Who killed Liliom?" Mike: "The guy who acted it for the Play- makers." Our idea of an optimist is an engineer on the local Katy. One: Did you get your necker's manual? Two: My what? One: Your student directory. Some girls are silent toward their dates because they do not have anything to.say; others because they do not have to say anything. "That girl over there .a bareback rider? Why, she's an imposter!" "Yes. But she rides in an evening gown." A Picture's Frame. Gay: I think Tom's girl is as pretty as a picture. Lord: Yes! But what a frame! -Panther. "This is fit to kill", said the warden, as he adjusted the electric chair. -Royal Gaboon. Western Electric Company 22 THE OUTLAW-TAKE-OFF NUMBER MILANO Taylor Music Co. Wife-George, I'm going into amateur theatricals. What would folks say if I were to wear tights? Husband-They would probably say that I married you for your money. -Royal Gaboon. Night Watchman-"Young man, are you going to kiss that girl?" He (straightening up)-"No sir." Night Watchman-"Here, then, hold my lantern." -Black and Blue Jay. "Pace Cleaners:" "The house president promised to pay my bill today." Houseboy: "Nuthin' doin' boss, ah ain't got mine yet." "Have you lots of friends in the navy?" "Oh, yes-Gobs." -Hamilton Royal Gaboon We call our li'l woman Detour, because she's such a long way around. -Royal Gaboon. S and B Clo. Co. Hotel Baltimore THE MISSOURIAN Tavern Drug Store Camel Cigarettes