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Missouri Outlaw October, 1929; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1929

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Missouri Outlaw $ 00.10 Big Game Number Advertisers-- AMERICAN TOBACCO CO. LIFE SAVERS P. LORILLARD CO STEPHENS F. WHITMAN & SON CURTISS AIRPLANE & MOTOR CO. EDUADOIAN PANAMA HAT CO. HOOD RUBBER PRODUCTS CO. LIGGETT-MYERS TOBACCO CO. PIONEER SUSPENDER CO. HECHT LEARS CLOTHING CO. J. C PENNEY CO. R. J. REYNOLDS TOBACCO CO. PARK AIR COLLEGE CURTISS FLYING SCHOOLS PARKER PEN CO. COCOA-COLA CO. WESTERN ELECTRIC GENERAL ELECTRIC HOOD Chesterfield Whitman's Old Gold College Humor Pioneer Suspenders Parks Air College Curtiss Lucky Strike You Recognize The Leaders KEEN competition demands that na- tional advertisers use consistent, well-planned, and well-placed adver- tising. The merits of a publication are carefully weighed . . . its cir- culation analyzed . . . its editorial policy scrutinized . .to determine definitely in advance the results an advertisement in that publication will yield. A few prominent national advertis- ers who have chosen THE MIS- SOURI OUTLAW to represent their products are mentioned on this page . . . such proof is convincing to pros- pective advertisers . . . gratifying to present advertisers, and an added incentive to better our efforts and put forth an even greater MISSOURI OUTLAW for Missourians. THE Missouri Outlaw In the East we are represented by Roy Barnhill, Inc. 40 East 34th St., N. Y. Collegiate Special Adv. Agency 503 Fifth Ave., N. Y. THE COMIC OF MISSOURI J.C.PENNEY CO. 2 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 Pioneer Suspenders BRIDGE SHARK "Lady, may I trouble you to rise. You're sitting on my hand." "How dare you!" "But I'm sure I laid my cards there." -The Owl. There was a young lady from Wales Who loved to relate wild tales; She told 'em so much That she soon got in dutch And was left quite alone by the males. -Orange Peel. "Do you have any trouble with shall and will?" "No, the wife says you shall and I say I will." He (fastening the little girl's dress) - Didn't your mother hook this? She-No sir; she bought it. -Calif.Pelican. Impossible Let's kiss and never tell. You know how hard it is for a woman to keep a secret. Need a Barber Editor: These jokes are so old they should have whiskers. Author Well, I thought they might get in by a close shave. I Want Some Andy. That girl there at the Charity Booth is selling kisses for a dollar. Sandy: Wonder if she gives away any free samples? On Cute Numbers Whiz: Then you can depend on your chorus? Bang: Yes, you can count on girls with figures like that. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 3 INTER-FRAT Mother (examining daughter's wardrobe): "Did you go to the prom this year, my dear?" Daughter: No, mother, I ripped that shoulder strap playing tennis."-Voo Doo. Tramp-"Mornin', ma'am; kin I cut your grass for my dinner?" Kind Old Lady-"Of course, but you don't need to cut it; eat it just as it is.-Voo Doo. Prof.-"Now, Mr. Blatz, what countries are on the other side of the Yangstze Kiang?" Stude.-"Well, professor, it all depends on just which side of the dang thing you are on at the time the questions to be answered." Traveler-"Do you call this a fast train?" Conductor-"Yes sir." Traveler-"Do you mind if I get off and see what it's fast to?"-Aggievator. Dentist-"Will you take gas?" Absent-minded Motoriest-"Yeah and you'd bet- ter look at the water, too-Malteaser. Johnny-"For two cents I'd knock your block off." Bill-"Get away frpm me, you dirty profession- al."-Gaboon. "Hear the latest?" "What?" "The queen gave the king the heir." -Baboon. A beautiful young lady boarded the street car. "Oi, lady", pleaded Ginsberg, Ginsberg & Gins- berg, Incorporated, "please don't sit underneath my advertisement." -College Humor. "Hear about the fellow who invented a device for looking through a brick wall?" "No, what's he call it?" "A window, sap! -Yale Record. First Stewed! "Watsh out Joe, you al- mosh drove up on the shidewalk!" Second Stewed! "Hot damn! An'Ithought you were driving! Pass me those Life Savers, or that cop'll give ush a night's lodging." Missouri Outlaw A lady was entertaining a small son of a friend. "Are you sure you can cut your own meat, Willy?" she inquired. "Oh, yes, thanks," answered the boy politely, "I've often had it as tough as this at home." -Lyre. Companionate Wife-"Where were you last last month, you brute."-Life. Some girls proclaim their beauty from the hose tops.-V. M. Sniber. Jimmie's College Inn October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 5 Missouri Outlaw VOL. VII. OCTOBER, 1929 NO. 2 Or a Wooden Check Criss: So you are in debt; what do you need to keep your head above water? Cross: A raft of money. Modern Times Rev. Jones: (absently) The theme song today will be hymn No. 321. A rather dumb but enterprising young man was the one who set up a booking station outside the sta- dium for the placing of bets on the pony backfield. Play the ponies! It Is a Shovel Dumb Dora always calls a spade a spade because her vocabulary is so limited. Mabel: Do You Believe In Love At First Sight? Abel: Not Always; Sometimes The Sites Farther Out Are Better. Need a File Hubby: This is a very hard bread. Wife: It's all right to whet your appetite. Almost a Dessert Sweet Young Thing: So you are fond of the Eskimos? Explorer: Yes, they're my frozen people. The soup course was ended, but the melody lingered on. SHE LOOKED "AYE", BUT SHE MEANT "NO!" I eyed him first. When I caught his eye, I didn't know what to do with it, so I held it. He couldn't seem to let go my eye, so I tried to do so by lowering one of my eyes and eyelid (all the while looking at him out of the other eye to see what he was doing, thus being able to see that he saw that I saw what it was all about). Now his eyes lit up. When I saw the conflagration I had started, I opened my eyes wide - and my pupils recognized their master. The balls of his eyes rolled in various directions but the socket held them in place. At length I really saw, and having seen, I narrowed my eyes to tiny slits and gave the high-and- mighty stare. The light in his eyes flickered and died down, and their fire went out as a stream of tears quenched their flame. Blonde: Who Gave The Bride Away? Brunette: No One; The Groom Paid Plenty For Her. Dumb Dora thinks: Babe Ruth is too young to play ball. The Dodgers are pedestrians. The Reds should be deported. The Cardinals are a queer lot of birds. The Braves and the Indians are the same. The Cubs hibernate during the winter. The Pirates should be sunk. That Goose Goslin must be a queer duck. Stealing bases is terrible. A fielder's choice is that pretty blonde in the third row. That over the fence is out. That the Senators should be inves- tigated. 6 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 DEAN JONES' SON A Story of Hectic College Life in Ten Parts PART TWO By Doris Daly M. T. (Marvin Theodore) Jones, the wildest boy at Monatauck Uni- versity and the son of Dean of Men Jones, is introduced to Rosemary Dale, a baby-face blonde, by Kitty Parsons, a sophisticated brunette. M. T., having been interested in Kit- ty since he was a good, timid little boy, decides to warn her that Rose- mary's naivete is cramping her style. Kitty misunderstands him and warns him that "Rosemary's not the kind of girl you want." Hazy from the effects of five before dinner cocktails M. T. decides that he wants to date Rose- mary, not only to take Kitty off her high horse but to make Rosemary re- spect him as no girl has done since Kit- ty threw that rotten bowl of punch at him Christmas be- fore last. Yet for a week M. T. forgot Rosemary - almost. In the first place when he and Billy Cash had entered the well filled dining room of the Kappa Beta House there, be- tween Mrs. Larsen, the house mother, and Coach Harley sat - Dean Jones. Billy saw him first. M. T. was too dazed after that revealing talk with Kitty to see any- thing but a wavering mass of faces, all staring at him - and grinning. "She is so a-ash sweet 'n innocent -" he was insisting vehemently when Billy hushed him up again with a violent poke in the ribs. "Your Dad!" he hissed in a voice so faint that M. T. couldn't make out what he said. Yet seating him- self uncertainly at the end of the long table he was surprised to hear suppressed chuckles emanating from those nearest him. What had Billy said? Looking down the long table he saw the coach eyeing him and next to him a tall man with a thick shock of gray hair. My God! Dad! He remembered now-Dad had told him only that morning at breakfast "WHATI You Don't Remember Me?" that he was invited to the house for dinner. Such a long, long time ago it seemed to his straggling memory that he had forgotten it entirely - even when Billy had said out there in the hall that "the coach and a coupla the faculty boys are here for dinner." "Hi Dad", he said loudly, grin- ning ingratiatingly. His voice had sounded clear to him. Perhaps Dad hadn't noticed how clumsily he had seated himself. But of course he wasn't drunk. It was the shock of discovering so suddenly how much Rosemary meant to him that had made him a little dizzy. "Good evening Marvin", Dad re- plied in his usual even tones. But why in Hell did that fool Chuck Allen and his equally half- witted side-kick Ray Baird continue to grin at him? Did they think that Dad knew he was - well - had been drinking a couple of cocktails with Billy upstairs? The rest of the evening - at the Kappa Beta House passed harmonious- ly. As the meal pro- gressed M. T. re- gained his clarity of vision and his celerity of tongue. He talked about the new stadium and the first game to be held there. The first of the season it was, too. And with the Ruxton Rhinos. Boy, the Monatauck Wolves would clean them up for a great start this s e a s o n. That game would be hot stuff. But, why in Hell did Chuck Allen and Ray Baird grin at him so? Dad could- n't know. But later that eve- ning M. T. discover- ed that Dad did know. He accompanied him home in the family Studebaker at Dad's suggestion. Conversation had been limping painfully in the Kappa Beta living room between Dad, Coach Harley, Barstow, one of the young- er profs in the engineering school, several of the chapter pillars, M. T. and Billy Cash who had nobly stay- ed to keep him company. But, M. T., who was feeling fine now, didn't really need the assurance of Billy's presence to keep his spirits up as October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 7 he so often did. He was still engrossed in next Saturday's football game. In fact whenever there was a lull in the talk he introduced the subject: "An' if they don't whip that bunch of suckers", he told the coach once, "You can call on me. I gotta keen date for the game - but I'll leave that Jane flat. Jus' call me outa the stand, coach, and I'll show you how to clean those Rhinos up." he smirked appreciatively at the laugh- ter which he expected. Of course, he had been kidding. Yet, really, M. T. believed he could be a football player - and a darn good one - if he felt like it. As if in proof of his secret theory Barstow spoke up: "Why didn't you go out for the team Jones? You seem so interest- ed?" "By golly", M. T. blustered, "I never thought of it." (which was a lie). "Not too late, yet is it coach?" he asked, turning amusedly toward that dour individual. "He's got the build, hasn't he?" Billy snickered, in his support, M. T. thought. But the coach wasn't interested. Just then Dad stood up and said that he was sorry but he would really have to go because he had some important business that had to be finished up that evening. "And I guess you'll be coming along with me, Marvin", he added, "You undoubtedly have some studies to prepare this evening." M. T. said that he guessed he had. But Billy didn't have to grin at him so foolishly. Of course he had. Es- pecially since he hadn't cracked a book since Monday. He let Dad out at the front door and took the car around to the garage. He let himself in the kitchen door. From the inviting refrigerator he cut a large wedge of apple pie and munched it appreciatively as he went into the front hall, intend- ing to go right up to his room. But Dad called to him from the living room. "Huh?" M. T. asked, half choked with apple pie as he sat down in the quiet, dimly lit room at his es- teemed parent's request. Dad never beat around the bush. "You were drinking before dinner", he said evenly, just as he might have announced to a wayward stu- dent, summoned to his judicial office, the cause of that summons. But he was not severe. He was sub- dued, saddened, just as M. T. had known he would be at any revela- tion of his son's campus character. M. T. felt sorry for him. He was so uprighteous. But a fellow had to defend himself. "Well, everybody drinks", he argued, "I can't be dif- ferent just because -- I'm Dean Jones' son - can I?" "No", his father replied slowly, weighing the strength of the argu- ment. "But you took too much." M. T. scowled. His father pushed a tired hand through his shock of thick, gray hair. "I wouldn't mind it so much if you got, what they call tight, on certain occasions - such as Home- coming. I could excuse you then for becoming a part of the general hilarity. Other people would, too. But, there's no excuse for over-in- dulging - continually." M. T. jumped, but his father re- strained him with a gesture. "Yes, I've been hearing rumors- but I didn't want to belive them. I had no proof - until tonight. I know now there was truth in them. If your condition this evening had been unusual the other boys would have been surprised - some of them shocked because of my importune presence. But, they were just - amused - " his voice trailed off, as he leaned his head, weary, upon his tired hand. "Oh, gosh, Dad!" M. T. was feel- ing terrible, too. And he was admir- ing his Dad. He was smart to see through it all like that. In fact he was so smart that people were say- ing he ought to be appointed presi- dent of Monatauck University. Prexy Carr was getting so old people were expecting him to retire any minute. "It's bad enough to have my son a laughing stock", Dad continued, "But, it's worse to have him ruin- ing his health with cheap liquor." "Oh, gosh, Dad, I'm in keen shape", M. T. was cherry. "Didn't they - Barstow and Billy, anyway, say this evening that I ought to go out for the team?" His father looked at him sharply. "They didn't mean it Marvin. You are well built. But, as you would say, they were kidding you. They knew, as well as the coach, that you haven't a chance. Because you drink." M. T. laid the remains of his pie on a small table. What a dumb bell he was! "Aw, what difference would that make? Applesauce!" "When I was your age, in this same University, I drank, too. There was nothing illegal about it then in those pre-prohibition days. We all drank enormous quantities of beer M. T. had to smile at the vision of his Dad guzzling beer. "But I managed to drink a little more than the average so that I was frequently too drunk to attend class. I don't believe I would have been able to graduate if it hadn't been for your mother. She was one of the first co-eds - and", he smiled, "one of the prettiest. Out of all the boys she could have loved she pick- ed me. One incentive being to re- form me. That was considered a noble undertaking for a young lady." M. T. was agape at this unexpect- ed confession. He might have known Dad had been - always was - a regular fellow. And his sweet, too gentle mother reforming him. Gosh! "But what I want to impress upon you", Dad continued, "Is the terrible state to which I descended. Al- though I had a keen desire to con- tinue my studies that would have been impossible if it had not been for your mother's timely interfer- ence. When I was not too hazy from the influence of alcohol I was too tired and nervous for any ambition. I am telling you these things, which I thought long buried, to help you Marvin-" By this time M. T. was choking back tears. "I'll go slow, Dad", he promised. For a week M. T. stayed away from Billy Cash's room on the third floor of the Beta Kappa house. He ate dinner at home every evening and made some progress toward "catching up" on studies not yet begun for that semester. Of course he wanted to amount to something fine, like Dad. Saturday he proudly escorted his "keen date", Alta Prince, to the Rux- ton game. Alta, although only a Tri Nu, was one of the hottest mamas on the campus. Which ex- plains her. Red-lipped, white-faced and mascara-eyed was Alta, as full of expression as the features in a modernistic poster design. Since she was from Nashville she spoke with a Southern accent. They were scarcely seated when (Continued on page 22) 8 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 The Half Pint: Pop, Teacher Said That Theme You Wrote Was Simply Terrible. She Said She Didn't See How You Ever Got Through School. The Big Pint: Ha! Is She Wonder- ing About That Too? Yoo Hoo, Scotchmen! Jill: He's the stingest man I know! Jack: How so? Jill: He always goes out on a date immediately after shaving so he won't have to buy any powder. (Prima Dona about to perform). And what shall I sing? Chorus: Sing - - Tomorrow! When I'm Away From You! Some place Else! When You're With Somebody Else! When You're Gone! A Hundred Years From Now! When I'm in Carolina! I'm glad I'm in love with you, in- stead of Angela. Why? Well, I don't like Angela and if I was in love with her, I'd hate mak- ing love to her cause I dislike her. I Was But an Innocent Country Maiden, and He-- I was only a country maiden from Bowling Green. He was a city slick- er-a dude with three eyebrows and an Ingersoll watch from East St. Louis. His father was a big butter and egg man turned sour. He, the son, was the cream of the family dairy. We both had butter and cream in common. I write my story that all may know the ruthless way of a city man with an innocent country girl!!**;:? {@}!!!!!! Ah!&@?lb!?% One day I dressed myself up like a bootlegger's daughter, and invited him to go driving in papa's tractor. (I had had it down for Rush Week- It was one of the most exclusive tractors made). He didn't want to go, but yielded with much gracefulness when I pitched him into the seat beside me (Papa always did say pitching hay would come in useful). He asked me to demonstrate the tractor, so I showed him how he could drive with one hand, and, to prove it, I mono- polized the other. (We were able to get safely out of the ditch). We drove and drove - and I-I snug- gled up close where I could feel his vest pocket thumping up and down with his heart underneath pumping it. (It was a terrible cold night). He asked me to tell him what a petting party was, and I, ever ad- vocating higher education and de- spising ignorance, explained to him the meaning of necking and gave him samples ( I mean examples!) After parking the tractor I turned out the lights and did not long keep him in the dark as to why I did it. Girls - I say this - my heart- breaking life story that all may know and profit by my technique (experience, I mean!). For my own experience that night was tragic- and filled with black despair. After all my kindness to him, he - that brute! - he dared to attempt to kiss me!!! But I was only a country maiden, and he - - Why do girls leave home? Cause they can't take it with them. Not Bare Skins, Censors! Kitty: I'm told Jimmy is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Meow: Well, almost He's the family's black sheep in wolf's skin. May I have this dance? (Haughty young thing) Yes - if you can find a partner. Allez-Why do you like him? Oop-Well, for one thing, he's air- minded. Allez-Hot air? Ali-Your nose is running. Baba-Really? Then I must stop it. It's too long now. First Drunk: I Hear They Aren't Sending Any More Mail to Washing- ton. Second Same: How's That? First Same: He's Dead. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 9 Always Betlittlin' While crossing a railway bridge a small boy was astonished to see two trains running on the same line and about to crash head-on. He stood and witnessed the smash. Later, some officials, learning that there had been an eyewitness found the lad and asked: "What were your thoughts at the time of the crash?" "Well," the boy answered slow- ly, "I thought it was a rotten way to run a railway." Stumping the Boss The Boss: "Call yourself a typist, and you can't even put a ribbon in a machine?" The Girl: "Could Paderewski tune a piano?" A-Lure Gladys was recounting her experi- ences at the party to her mother. "Arthur Thompson tried to kiss me," she said. "How dare he!" exclaimed her mother. "He didn't. I dared him." There's Some More Modern Author: My work will be read when Shakespeare and Milton are forgotten. Critic: Yes, but not before. HIS GOOD DEED A piercing scream rent the air; Jimmy, the Boy Scout, dropped the big bundle of Saturday Evening Posts he was selling and dashed out into the middle of the street where a girl had got entangled in a live wire that the storm had brought down. Without an instan't hesitation he brought his scout training into play and turned and dashed for home two blacks away. In a few minutes he was back with a bundle of newspapers. Using these to insulate his hands he drag- ged the girl away from the wire. By this time a crowd had gathered but no one had dared to try to rescue her. Fortunately the wire had not been fully charged and the girl, while badly burned and suffering from shock, would recover. The people all praised Jimmy but no one could understand why he dashed home for those papers when he had a big bundle with him. "Why did you take all that time, Jimmy?" some one asked. "The book said newspapers," was his reply. We're Jealous That flapper's knee is something to blow about," laughed the saucy little breeze. Two Week's Notice After parting instructions had been given, the young traveler pick- ed up his bag and started on his initial trip. "Good luck to you," said his chief. "Wire us important news." The following day this message was received: "Reached here safely. Good room with bath. Feeling fine." The manager wired back: "So glad. Love and kisses. Good-bye." Between Two Forces Higgins - Peewe seems such a evenly balanced fellow. Wiggins - He should be. In busi- ness the profiteers hold him up and at home his wife holds him down. Little of It Left "What is the aftermath, pa?" "That rapidly fading 'dark brown taste.'." His Gentle Answer Lady of commanding appearance returns to her seat in passenger car and finds it occupied by small man reading paper - "Sir, I'm sitting there." Looking up placidly he replied, "Madam, pray remain seated." Four Examples Of College Students As Pictured By The Comics, Movies, And Magazines. Four Examples Of College Students As They Actually Are. 10 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 BARE KNEES A Story of College Romance Conclusion BY Hertha Deck That afternoon Bernice went to the hairdresser's and experienced a thrill of wickedness in disobeying her mother. Gone was the country- girl fluffiness; instead, her blue black hair was combed to her head so sleekly that it fitted like a cap and showed the round curve of the back of her head. Now having begun - she glanced through fashion magazines with little tingles of excitement. That evening she locked herself in her room and underwent many experi- ments. Next morning the oily skin was gone; instead her face had been finely dusted with Rachel powder. No rouge only the natural soft rosy glow shone through. And the soft, sensitive curves of her lips were slightly accentuated. So far she had bought only one dress, one she had meant to wear for school, a close-fitting, trim, one-pieced dress revealing her slim but rounded figure. Bernice had had to rehearse in the privacy of her room both the evening before and that morning so as to be able to meet the exclama- tions she knew she could expect For the mirror showed her an image startlingly like a model in Vogue. "Why, Bernice!" "What've you done!" "I can't believe it!" That dainty figure. Such slim ankles. Those lips so sweetly pro- mising. Such a velvety complexion. Bernice flushed and slipped into her chair at the breakfast table. "I couldn't stand it any longer. And Briggs Tyler got me started, so I kept going before I'd become too frightened, and stop" she said hur- riedly and apologetically. The girls simply stared, amazed. "But in one night You certainly did well. It sounds like an adver- tisement." "Well, the hairdresser helped me. And you know there are loads of helpful articles in magazines, and - -" Bernice blushed and laughed "I worked harder last night and this morning than I ever did on any les- sons." It was still so near to the begin- ning of the semester that many stu- dents had not as yet met Bernice, and even so, the shy, backward girl of yesterday was never associated with the suddenly blossoming Phi Lambda co-ed. Briggs, after that lecture in the "Palms", found himself thinking more of Bernice than he ever had thought of any girl. Women did not interest him greatly. He found some of them good company when he was tired of his law books, but he had never experienced what his fraternity brothers called love. He had his idea of love, and had enough strength of character not to accept any cheap imitations; he was will- ing to wait for the real thing or not have anything at all. With a keenness of perception, he realized that he was falling in love with Bernice "Won't do for her to know it. Let her go ahead and have a taste of college life first If she learns to care for me after playing around, o. k. but I'm not going to do any snatching up until she's had experi- ence and knows what she wants." Bernice felt a sort of intoxication in the first realization of her dreams. She had "made-believe" so often of what she'd like to be, that now hav- ing the outward appearance the rest came easily. She, too, joined in the session. But her laugh was fresher, newer, than those of the other girls, because the excitement of playing was so new to her. She dated at the best houses; and after the girls' surprise over her rapid change became less, they be- gan to feel the respect for her that every popular girl receives. Only one thing hurt Bernice, and that was somewhat lessened by the excitement of the new life in which she found herself, Briggs treated her with the cordiality of a friend, but never asked her for dates. Of course he was twenty-two, and she only eighteen, but she knew they could have wonderful times together. She loved him all the more deeply for what he had done for her; and there was comfort in the thought that he had practically remade her. Bernice bubbled with enthusiasm. "Bare Knees" was what she came to be called. All the pent-up pep and love for fun came rushing to the top and flowed over. She was never coarse, nor did she become hard. The men felt a protectiveness towards her because of the element of innocence through all her fun. Getting in readiness for the next Phi Lambda party, Bare Knees was one of the many who called and ran from room to room. "Who's got a long chain of pearls?" "Ooooh, Vivian, you look so darrr- rrling!" "My gosh, a hole in the only silver hose I own." "Now! where's that blue ring of mine." "I'm scared to death I won't get cut." Shouts, clouds of powder-dust, silken things flying about, the orchestra starting up below. Soft lights, girls in colored dresses swaying with men in black and white, dignified chaperones sitting October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 11 in the corner. One intermission found Bernice and Briggs together. They walked outside and sat in the car. Flakes of snow danced in the moonlight. Bare Knees was quite experienced in the Ways of car-parking now, but with Briggs it was different. "I'm proud of you, Bernice. You've made me proud of myself," Briggs said, "Are you happy?" "Terribly so, Briggs, and Bernice placed her hand over Briggs' "And I have just you to thank." Bernice had petted quite a bit; not promis- cuously, but when she knew she wanted to. She longed desperately to kiss Briggs, but he was so cold and distant that she only talked of silly topics of the day. Briggs had not petted since his freshman days, no girl had interest- ed him enough for that. But he loved Bernice, a fine kid and so utterly feminine; always a good sport, and never questioning. But somehow, he felt her to be too much in love with the life she was at present living. Bernice crept in bed that night with a heaviness of heart. "I love him so. But he only con- siders me as a sort of little sister. I can't act as if nothing's the matter very much longer. He doesn't say anything, and still - he. watches me like a hawk, and seems so proud of me". Bare Knees was puzzled and hurt. Briggs was the. first who had understood her and made her as happy as she now was. She felt so close to him. A few weeks later and the finals were over. Professors and Deans were on the alert for too much youthful bursting of bonds. "Whoopee! no more geology. Let's celebrate," and Bare Knees turned on the Victrola and danced a dance of pep and intricate steps. "Let's do something different," Joyce said. So four couples of freshmen and sophomores started out in cars, sing- ing and full of the spirit of freedom. "There's a roadhouse out here about ten miles with a negro orches- tra. Let's go for a few minutes any- way, and see what it's like," sug- gested one of the lassies in a hush- ed voice. "It'll be just too bad for us if we're caught. Road-houses are black-list- ed, you know," said Bernice. "But no one'll know if we just stay there long enough to see what it's like," coaxed another date. "Aw right, far be it from me to ruin a party. But let's just stay a few minutes, and then go down to Varsity. I'm dying to dance." The four couples finally reached the Black and Tan and bounded on- to the dance-floor. None of them had ever been there before. Seated at a table, Ted drew out his flask, and they all proceeded to "make whoopee" as George described it. Bare Knees made a pretense at her drink. She never could learn to like liquor "One dance and away we go." They rose - and through the door- way they saw the dean of men and the dean of women who had been watching them. Road-houses were strictly black- listed; there was liquor on the table; nothing could be done, and eight young people were expelled-humil- iated and youthful enthusiasm dim- med. Bernice was so ashamed that she refused to see Briggs who called on her several times during the next few days when she was getting ready to leave; nor would she speak to him over the phone. Finally she received a note- "Bernice- I know how you feel, and I want to see you. There's something I have to say to you." Briggs. Briggs understood the motive which had led the young folks into their trouble; he knew how much Bernice demanded sympathy for there certainly would be none at home for her. Bernice longed to see Briggs, but (Continued on page 12) And where did you learn so much about femininity? Well-I didn't stroke the vassar crew for nothing! 12 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 Hubby to Wife in Phone Booth: I'm Going To Take A Turkish Bath, Alice. Wife to Hubby: Now, You Keep Away From Them Harems. But No More Jack: Gee, you have a nifty knee. Dancer: Yes, I guess I'll have to spin and bare it. Bill: I can't live without you. Coo: Can I depend on that? I'm leaving you and your insurance money would come in so handy. Without The Door Butler: Your boot-legger waits without, sir? Biggs: Well, then, what's the use of waiting? 1st Senior- "So Abe's taking Italian. That makes his third language." 2nd Souse- "Yeh -quick with his hands, y'know." Easy to Learn Bob: How did you ever learn to be a thief? Ned: Oh, I picked up a little here - - a little there. He: Did you ever read "Through the Looking Glass?" She: Why, no, I never knew you could. BARE KNEES (Continued from page 11) her humiliation prevented her from even being free with the girls. His note raised some hope in her, but that was overpowered by the feeling of unworthiness for anything he might have to say to her. So one morning the girls found Bernice's room bare. She did not go home and Briggs was worried. She was so young, and this was the first time she had done anything of which she could be ashamed. The maid found a letter in Ber- nice's hand-writing in her dressing- table, addressed to a friend in Chi- cago. "She must have forgotten to mail it", said one of the sisters. "I think we ought to open it and see what it says. No one knows where Bare Knees is, and this may help." The letter related the road-house episode, and then said - "So if you'll let me, I'd be so glad if I could stay with you now as you've asked me so often to do. I can't go home - and I'll find something to do." "How lucky! Let's tell Briggs. He's been haunting the house for infor- mation about her ever since she left." A Saturday morning - Bernice downcast and ashamed, and Briggs' hand on her shoulders. "Bernice, you mustn't feel that way. You did nothing really wrong, just indiscreet." Then - "I love you, dear." Bernice glanced up quickly. She had begun to suspect that Briggs loved her from the time of his note, but she had been too afraid to deem it positive. Then after a few mo- ments-"Briggs, I've a confession to make." Bare Knees didn't dare to look at him, but she smiled. "1 really meant to be self-sacrificing but at the last minute I didn't have the courage so I purposely left that letter in the room." "Sweetheart, you did learn a lot, didn't you?" Not Oat Mrs. Jones: Doesn't your little boy swear horribly? Mrs. Brown: Yes, he's sowing his wild oaths. Ate Too Much Hi: I see by the paper that ship foundered at sea. Si: I wonder what it found to eat 'way out there. Count Up To Two Nate: You are a girl in a million. Kate: What I want to know is whether I'm the one or just one of the ciphers. Call A Diver Diner: There's a fly in my soup. Waiter: Wait just a minute till he stops kicking and I'll take him out. Part Of His Family Jake: Why does that cat yowl when I play the fiddle? Zeke: I guess them fiddle strings must strike a responsive chord in him somewhere. Mine Works - Sometimes George: Does your cigarette light- er work? James: The only time it ever lit was once when I dropped it. Cross Eyed Ted: What's the matter? Crossed in love? Ned: No; double-crossed. We All Do It First Burglar: Garn, don't tell me Bert was copped because 'e left 'is fingerprints be'ind! 'E ain't such a fool. Second Ditto: Well, 'e did, then. Saw a 'wet paint' sign in the 'all, and couldn't resist seein' if it was true. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 13 Laughs from the Campus I am still caring. I am sorry-Just can't seem to place you. Do you drink milk? Naw-Can't get those wide mouthed bottles in my mouth! But I thought you were Helen Smith I was-but I got kicked out! Please look where I am not! I can't see that far! Do you know the difference between a mason and a knight? Yeah-- Once a mason-always a mason-once - enuf! 14 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 Jim: I'm Dying For A Kiss. Beth: Yes, I Notice The Mortality Amongs Saps Is Pretty Great. An Agreement She-I thought we had agreed not to use any of our wine stock except in case of sickness. He-Yes, my dear, but you see on several occasions I didn't feel at all well, but I didn't want to worry you by speaking about it. I Could Cry Will-I just saw a touching scene. Bob-What was it? Will-Two fat men in a 4x6 ele- vator. They touched on all sides. He Knew Where, All Right "You say your father was wound- ed in the war?" "Yes, sir, very bad." "Was he shot in the ranks?" "Nossir; in the stummick." Following Instructions The Boss-Funny, they're all gone. Did you post that notice to the em- ployes, "You have work to do here, so be at it?" The Typist-Yes, sir; but I must have left out the space between "be" and "at." The girl who used to play the game "In and Out the Window" when she was younger now goes to a young woman's college and still plays it only with somewhat more reality. Profit and Loss First Tramp- I'm sure hungry. How kin we git a bite to eat? Second Tramp-I'll tell ya. I'll give ya a black eye. First Tramp-A black eye! What for? Second Tramp - Sure,. then you run and ask that old lady in that house over yonder for a piece of raw meat to put on it. All Is Not Lost She: Here is your ring-I find we are not suited to each other. He: Tell me the truth - you love another? She: Yes. He: Tell me his name-I insist. She: You want to harm him? He: No, I want to sell him this ring. Depended on the Weather First Office Boy-It's pretty cold weather for baseball. Second Office Boy-Yes, I don't think my grandmother will die un- til it gets warmer. Protection Doctor: There is not much wrong with you-take this medicine, but whatever you do, don't play the cor- net. (Patient goes). Friend: Why did you tell him not to play the cornet? Doctor: He lives just under me. Poor Fellowl Wife: Oh, Jack, I'm so glad you've come. I gave that tramp one of my cakes to eat, and he's gone to sleep over there. Husband: Oh-er-I say - you're sure he is only asleep? THE MONTHLY PRIZE CONTEST The BIG GAME NUMBER estab- lishes a new record for numbers of contributors. That's a good joke. As a matter of fact there were just a few. Awards went to Lovan Hall, Harold Elfenbein, Voerge Yeager, Blaine Bigler and Braxton Pollard. No matter what your talent may be, send in your best and rest assur- ed it will be given a square deal. The next issue is the AVIATION NUMBER and copy is due on the first of November. Get your type- writers, and pens well oiled, (but not yourselves). Then throw a dream on paper. That's all there is to it. Address, MISSOURI OUT- LAW, Columbia, Mo. Foolish Thought Mrs. Junbride-Somehow I can't help suspecting that you're leading a double life. Her Husband-Nonsense! Only a single man can afford a double life. The Landlubber's View Stranger( to Farmer Tuffts. cross- the ocean for the first time)-Pretty rough going, isn't it? Farmer Tuffts-Wal, 'twouldn't be so rough if the cap'n would only keep in the furrows. Alice: He made his money in oi. Doris: Then it ought to burn easily. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 15 Casey on the Gridiron The prospects weren't brilliant for the Mudville squad that day; Defeat seemed almost certain a- gainst that enemy array. And so with Casey on the sick list and Burrough near the same, A sickly fear came over the pa- trons of the game. A few refused to go, but on the other hand the rest Attended with the hope that springs eternal in the human breast. They thought, if only Casey could break away today, They'd bet their bottom dollars Casey'd make 'em pay. Blake went in for Casey and Flynn for Jimmy Burrough, The former was a hoodoo, the lat- ter very slow; But Flynn made gains at center, to the wonderment of all, And Blake, the much despised, ran riot with the ball. And when the half was over and the teams had left the field, The scoreboard showed two zeros; the home-team wouldn't yield. Then from the maddened thousands there went up such a yell, It beat against the hillsides, it echoed in the dell; It thundered on the mountain tops; it seemed to promise fate, For Casey, mighty Casey, was ad- vancing with his mates. There was pain in Casey's visage as he limped into his place, There was fight in Casey's bear- ing and a frown on Casey's face, And when, ignoring all the cheers, he swiftly joined the rest, No member of the crowd could doubt that Casey'd do his best. Ten thousand eyes were on them as they plunged and hit the dirt; Five thousand tongues applauded when they came back al- though hurt. Then while the opposing captain ground his teeth and bit his lip, Defiance gleamed in Casey's eye, and a sneer curled Casey's lip. And now the wind-filled pig-skin again came hurling through the air And Casey stood awaiting it with determination there, Close by the sturdy player and enemy back came near "That ain't my style", thought Casey, and the crowd sat tense with fear. From the benches, black with people, there went up a muf- fled roar, Like the beating of storm waves on a stern and distant shore. "Stop him! Stop that guy!" scream- someone in the stand. And it's likely they'd have stop- ped him had anyone been at hand. But strange as it may seem, that pass was incompleted; Despair stilled the rising tumult, as if they'd been defeated. He signaled to the center, and once more the pig-skin flew; And Casey tried off tackle, to go for a yard or two. "Fight!" cried the maddened thous- ands and an echo answered "Fight!" But another smash from Casey, and the aspect was as bright They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain And they knew that Casey was determined to make a gain. The play is called, another pass, and Casey runs to catch the ball, He lunges with des'prate violence; his straight arm makes 'em fall. And now the passer holds the ball, and now he lets it go, And the air is shattered by cries of joy and then of woe. Oh somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright, The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, But there is no joy in Mudville - its days of joy are passed, For 'twas toward his own goal- line that Casey ran so fast. She: Doesn't this moonlight make you dream dreams? He: Gosh, no, I'm just getting wakened up. Use a Crow-Bar Whiz: Your wife has lock-jaw. Bang: Gee, I hope they don't find the key! Oh Yes They Have George: That dress doesn't leave much to the imagination. Georgette: Well, men have no imagination. Such a Fortune Fay: My face is my fortune. May: Yes, fortunes are made over night. Yes, I'll Bet Wifie: Now, don't forget you're married. Hubby: (starting on a trip) Gee, I'll be reminded of it often! Good Idea Bill: How do you keep from hit- ting your fingers when you drive a nail? John: I keep one hand in my pocket Very True Mother: Here, take your medicine like a man. Bobby; No, I'm not going to make any fuss. Let Me Cover Them Producer: I wish to have my bath- ing beauties insured. Agent: All right, I have a blanket policy that will cover them. 16 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 Naturally So Teacher: Now what shall X repre sent? Bobby: Aw, the place where the body was found, of course. How About Ice Author: I have a story that will chill the blood in your veins. Editor: We have a very efficient cooling system, thank you. A Sardine, What? "Self-preservation is nature's first law," said the old soak, so being a law abiding man he got pickled. And Tipsy She was only an oculist's daughter but she drank till she was goggle- eyed. A Fisherman Jones: You've made quite a haul. Fisherman: Can't tell till I see the net contents. Wine Is Better Abel: I like to sit here and drink in your beauty. Mabel: Yes, but I think you've been mixing your drinks. How Cute Joe: Is she your best girl? Jim: No, she's my everyday one; I have a better one for Sunday. Lazy Now The Village blacksmith doesn't stand under the spreading chestnut tree anymore. Since the advent of the automobile he has made so much money he has retired and you'll find him sleeping under the old tree. And How "The modern dresses allow more freedom," says a fashion expert. Yes, and most of the young fellows take advantage of it. We'll Be There The best hosiery display in the city - when Peg gets into the rumble seat. Where It Starts "Where does a petting party end?" asked an advertisement. Why, in court, of course. And Plenty Too Ned: I can't give you anything but love. Sue: Well, hurry up, let's have it. Manager: Why Do You Insist In Going To The Movies Every Night While You're In Training? Wrestler: I'm Learning Some New Holds From John Gilbert And Greta Garbo. Call the Police Joe: What did you do when you blundered into the star's dressing room by mistake? Jim: Oh, I had presence of mind. I locked the door. Get An Adding Machine Nurse: Your wife has just given birth to triplets. Brown: Gosh, that's what comes of her working in the recorder's office! Everything is triplicate. Go To Night Clubs Alice: He has more money than brains. Doris: I'll soon equalize them. And Me Too Jack: Give us a kiss. Janet: Wait till I see who's with you. Ha! Ha! Mrs. Brown: You don't look a day older than you did twenty years ago. Mrs. Jones: (delighted) You don't say? Mrs. Brown: No, you look about thirty-five years older. Perhaps There Is Criss: Why does a chicken cross the road? Cross: She thinks there is some easy picking over there. Who Wouldn't Jim: Would you love a girl with one arm. Jake: I'd rather use two. How Dumb Then there was the absent mind- ed professor who made a rule that the co-eds should not roll their hose and then forgot to notice if they obeyed. Be Careful Love makes the world go round for love never looks where it is park- ing. Put the Brakes On Jack: Slip us a kiss. Jill: Mine are the non-skid kind. Gold Digger Hal: Would you be willing to share my lot with me? Sal: If it's a good corner lot I might be able to sub-let it. Watch Out Sweet Young Thing: Can I try on that slip in your window? Clerk: No; we don't want our window smashed. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 17 The Old Man Reads "EARLY REAPING" By Cale Young Rice The Century Company, New York With poetic conciseness Cale Young Rice, long an outstanding American poet, has described the growth of Clive Howell. Another American tragedy domin- ates Clive's adolesent life. His father, degenerate scion of a wealthy family, is accused of murdering a man through jealousy of his mother, daughter of a "common-law" wife. The effects of a father in the peni- tentiary and a mother who is con- sidered inferior by his father's people have a blighting effect on the sensitive youth. The dread in- feriority complex evidently attacks him, for he fails to seek Sylvia who appeals to his esthetic as well as his physical taste. Instead he ac- cepts the advances of Willa being possessed of a nature that demands love. The blurb on the jacket states that Mr. Rice's novel deals with the theme of heridity and mismating in modern life. Rather, it seems to this reviewer, to point out the effects of environment. Clive's father was too much of a cad to consider Mamie Lurton's unhappiness married to him, mismating. Clive and Willa are undeniably mismated, but their marriage is only a phase or a cause of Clive's struggle to overcome his blighting environment If written subjectively, rather than objectively Mr. Rice might have made Clive a more real character. Nevertheless his writing contains the clear, unflinching, beautifully descriptive words of a true poet. "ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT" By Erich Maria Remarque Little, Brown & Company, Boston Perhaps you said that "war is Hell" but you didn't really have proof, did you? Erich Maria Remar- que, German by birth and French by descent, proves it. "This book is to be neither an accusation nor a confession, and least of all an adventure, for death is not an adventure to those who stand face to face with it. It will try simply to tell of a generation of men who, even though they may have escaped its shells, were destroy- ed by the war," is his truthful sum- mary of it on the title page. Vividly we see Paul's direct de- criptions of - the agony of wound- ed horses, the horrible mutilations of men, the attempts to kill the loathsome trench rats, the grave- yard which served as a battlefield and, as comedy relief, the struggle to catch a fat goose, or the bring- ing of a bed and armchair to the front from a deserted village. There is no attempt at sensation- alism although the book is essential- ly sensational, relating in detail, as it does, the life of the common sol- dier of every nation participating Neither is there any obvious attempt at propaganda against war, al- though Paul and his companions often voice their opinion of its use- fulness. But, reading it, you would agree with them, would realize you always knew war was like that, al- though you had not dared to think of it. No wonder that over 500,000 copies of "All Quiet on the Western Front" "ELVA" By Durwood Grinstead Covici-Friede, New York Witch-craft days in Salem Village! Women and children seized with dreadful convulsions and torturing pains. Accused 'witches, frightened or defiant, maintaining their inno- cence or confessing when threatened with death - or extortion. Crude hangings on hillside trees. Frighten- ed people watching, wondering. All this is the story of "Elva", a novel laid in those bleakly repress- ed, superstition ridden New England days of the seventeenth century. The first part of the book is the best for it deals mainly with the outstand- ing character, Elva Pope. From a very modern, psychological stand- point it describes the effects of the atmosphere of Salem on a high strung, emotional nature. It makes you think what fun one of our psychologists would have had ana- lyzing our ancestors whom, we real- ize with a shock, were more warp- ed and repressed than we ever ex- pect to be. The second half of the book deals with the witchcraft phenomena in such varied detail that it smacks too strongly of history, interesting as it may be. Elva is relegated to the background. She is no more a heroine than are any of her neigh- bors. The author has merely chosen her to demonstrate more fully the influence of the witch scare on an individual. were sold in Germany in the first five months of publication and that Christopher Morley says, "It is to me the greatest book about the War that I have yet seen." 18 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 The OUTLAW Editor Edmee Baur Business Manager Wesley Nash Circulation Sam Carter Publisher- J. H. NASH Art Harold Elfenhein Lovan Hall Braxton Pollard Copyright, 1929, by the Missouri Outlaw. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College-Humor magazine. GAIN we are come to the time of the year at Missouri when all good grads come to the aid of their Alma Mater. And Missourians are no exception. They arrive, crowding the sidewalks, filling the streets with a traffic problem, and we, students, likewise, are jostled into the streets and involved in minor automobile accidents. But of course, we don't mind any more than do these herds of good-natured alums. Without them there would be no Homecoming. For us, who are already at "home", there is no thrill of meeting old friends and reviving glorious days of the past. Decidedly, we are thinking of the present - and most of all of the Big Game. Who wouldn't walk a mile, yes, even several miles to see that kickoff and watch our gold and black stripped team surge victoriously up and down the gridiron on a cold, crisp day with the sky overhead the color of azure. Of course it will be like that! And do we welcome the Nebraska Cornhuskers to our Homecoming? With anticipation. For the Tiger is al- ready filing his teeth for a meal off these robust fellows. He is planning to make it a heartier one than he enjoy ed last Homecoming when the tiny, but tough, little Jayhawk invaded his domain. All of us, old and young, will watch him. October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 19 Whitman's Famous Candies are sold by Harris Catering Co. Peck Drug Co. 20 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 OTHER CAMPUS COMEDY The Eve of St. Agnes It was the night of the annual Celestial Ball. St. Peter was there in all his glory. Never had he been such a perfect bouncer. St. Patrick and his band had never been so hot. Never before had there been so many beautiful angels present. St. Vitus had come stag. He was having a glorious time. Never be- fore had he met so many beautiful cheruBIMS, seraphims, or what have you. All at once he noticed one beautiful angel standing alone in a corner. He started elbowing his way through the crowd. Finally he reached her side. Just as the music started, he slipped his arm through hers. She became nervous, she trembled, she fairly quivered "This," said St. Vitus, "is my dance." -Reserve Red Cat "I'm bringing a red, red rose as long as I can get by without or- chids," says Joe Scotch. -Annapolis Log Street Car Conductor: Your fare, lady. Old Maid: Thank you, sir. -Okla Whirlwind And then there was the absent minded college professor who drop- ped a nickel in his pants pocket and put his hand in the beggar's hat, dismissed his class and went to his very inefficient stenographer, and came home and kissed the maid and said good afternoon to his wife. But maybe he wasn't so very absent minded. -C C. N. Y. Mercury. She: What have you for a young man? Saleslady: What does he want? Cornell Widow Jones: A fellow wrote me a letter saying he'd shoot me if I didn't keep away from his wife. I'm terrified. Smith: Why don't you keep away from his wife? Jones: He didn't sign his name. -Amherst Lord Jeff "Have you been getting a hair- cut?" "No! I just had my ears moved down an inch." -West Point Pointer Ascending Evolution Prof: Your ancestors were monk- eys. Sweet Young Thing: Gee, wouldn't they be proud of me? Oh, To Be A Cat Maria Cat: Tom is surely leading a pretty fast life? Tabby Cat: Yes, he's already on his seventh. In Paris the other day, an Ameri- can was arrested as a suspicious character. He had an American passport, American clothes and an American accent, but in the restaur- ant he had not ordered liquor! -M I. T. Voo Doo "I saw you groping in the land of inebriation last night." "Liar! That was a gutter of ce- ment." -Penn. State Froth Oy, Oy, Oy An oyster met an oyster And they were oysters two. Two oysters met two oysters And they were oysters, too. Four oysters met a pint of milk And they were oyster stew. -Pitt Panther. A pedestrian is a girl who doesn't neck. Colorado Dodo Wife: Breakfast is ready, dear. Hubby: It can't be-I haven't heard you scraping the toast. -Washington Dirge. French Guide: What do you think of that immense tower over there? American: It's quite an Eiffel! --Temple Owl "Have you heard the Prince of Wales' new song?' ' "No, not yet." "Over the bounding mane." -Aggievator Just because you have a Roman nose, don't think you can have Rom- an hands. -Colby White Mule Mac: Has yer son an ear fer mu- sic? Moe: Weel, I dinna ken, but he shure gotta good stomach fer steak! -Ohio State Sun Dial Chesterfield 22 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 Libson CO-OP DEAN JONES' SON (Continued from page 7) Alta tugged at his hip pocket. "How about a drink for yuh baby, honey?" M. T. furtively drew out his flask. Of course it was filled now. A date with Alta demanded that. When she handed it back for him to sip he turned, meaning to look flirtatiously into her black eyes. In- stead he looked into blue eyes, whose owner, sitting just in front of Alta, had turned to survey him critically. Rosemary Dale! Lord, he had almost forgotten Rosemary, that sweet and innocent litte girl, whom he had promised Kitty he would date, in spite of her protests. He slipped the flask back into his hip pocket, untasted. As soon as he had taken Alta back to her sorority house he dash- ed to the nearest telephone, rang the Chi Gamma house and asked for Rosemary. Her voice came to him, shy and low as he remembered it. "M. T. Jones?" she sounded sur- prised. "Don't you remember me? Kitty introduced us in the College Cafe." No answer. Desperate, M. T. continued, "I saw you at the game today - and I thought you recognized me." "Oh-" then slowly, "were you the the big boy with Alta Prince?" She slurred over Alta's name. Of course she wouldn't like Alta. She wasn't her type. She wouldn't give M. T. a date. She had a date that night to the Sigma Theta dance. With that cute Barry Benson, she naively added. Imagine Alta or Kitty discussing one boy friend with a would-be one like that! Melancholy, M. T. walked to the Beta Kappa house for dinner. Of course a sweet, little girl like Rose- mary wouldn't date him. Especial- ly after seeing him with Alta Prince. And she thought Barry Benson was cute! The president of the Y. M. C. A. Good Lord! (Continued next month). Diana: Fussetics? There may be a course in it, but you don't get credit for it. Aphrodite: Oh, yes, you do; all over the campus! -Wisconsin Octopus Or An Eskimo First, the hooded figures made him crawl in and out of the street car on his hands and knees. Then he swal- lowed three methyl blue tablets in rapid succession. Then they arrang- ed for him to fall off a stepladder into a barrel of road tar. Finally he pulled the buttons off a cop's coat. "There," he quoth with a beautific grin, as he was clubbed into uncon- sciousness, "I guess that makes me an Elk." -Reserve Red Cat Stude (in the woods): I've lost my way. Co-ed Stude: Don't flatter yourself. You never had a way. -Colby White Mule Bud: What's your occupation? Fifi: Oh, I'm a co-ed. Budding: Fine. What telephone office do you work in? -Texas Ranger KRESS October, 1929 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER 23 College Humor's MONTHLY BULLETIN White Eagle Dairy 24 MISSOURI OUTLAW-BIG GAME NUMBER October, 1929 "Does your wife know how to cook beans?" "Naw, she doesn't even know how to open them." Five people were killed in a railroad accident in Chicago recently. There's news for you. -Amherst Lord Jeff. Montgomery Ward & Co. Campus Drug Store VANITY FAIR Ridgway Publishing Company COLUMBIA MISSOURIAN Dorn-Cloney Laundry and Dry Cleaning Co. TAYLOR Music & Furniture Company Lucky Strike Cigarettes