Missouri Showme May, 1932 Missouri Showme May, 1932 2008 1932/05 image/jpeg University of Missouri-Columbia Libraries Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show193205

Missouri Showme May, 1932; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1932

All blank pages have been eliminated.

THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI BULL-ETIN VOLUME 1234567890 Advertising Series PROMOTING MISSOURI, INC. MAY ISSUE OF THE Missouri Showme MAY 2, 1932 PRICE FIFTEEN CENTS DeCloud Tiger Hotel Studio THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Three MISSOURI SHOWME Copyright 1932 by Missouri Chapter of Sigma Delta Chi Missouri Showme is published monthly, except during July and August, by the Missouri Chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, pro- fessional journalism fraternity, as the Official Humor and Literary Publication of the University of Missouri. Subscription price, $1.00 per year;15c the single copy. VOL. III MAY 2, 1932 NO. 9 O. O. MCINTYRE, Godfather Editor-in-chief, HAROLD (ABIE) ELFENBEIN Business Manager, WARREN O. MCINTYRE Feature Editor, BEN STONE Exchange Editor, MARIAN KISER Art Editor, JOHN HERBERT ROUSH Make-up Editor, HAROLD V. CLARK Advertising Manager, ROBERT W. RACE Circulation Manager, ANDREW YOUNG Assistant Circulation Mgr., THEODORE COURSAULT Office Manager, SIDNEY O. SHAPIRO EDITORIAL STAFF Maxine Bickley Kathryn Bayne Shirley Ann Brown Hertha Luckhardt Cleve Kerndt Dorothea Pickett Maurice Shadle Robert Stennis J. D. White Dick Slack Fred Crane Charles Gussman BUSINESS STAFF Advertising Assistants: Tom Morris Betty Pumphrey Dorothy Hoskins Clif Jones Lynn Severance Business Assistants: Jim McPheeters Guy Cooper Public Relations Pat Merritt Circulation Assistants: Elliott Boren Lolita Brown Mildred Brown Jane McLeod Jerry Mills Emma B. Offutt Carolyn Stephenson Jean Stewart Julius Levy THE CONTENTS OF THIS MAGAZINE ARE NOT TO BE REPRINTED WITHOUT PERMISSION. Address all com- munications to: MISSOURI SHOWME, 14 So. Ninth Street, Columbia, Missouri. Office of publication: Herald-Statesman Publishing Co., 107 So. Ninth Street, The Virginia Bldg., Columbia, Mo. Editorial and Business Office: 14 So. Ninth Street, Columbia, Missouri. Application for entry as second class mail matter is pending. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College Humor. L. G. Balfour Company THE CO-OP "Our Time Is Your Time" DIAL 4163 for Correct Time 7 a. m. to 9 p. m. Page Four THE MISSOURI SHOWME Showme Show GAEBLER'S BLACK and GOLD INN Tiger Laundry and Dry Cleaning Co. TRANGE enough we are surprised to see people talking and greeting each other in the same un- assuming manner as before the election. Loads of unreliable material have been turned in and "whis- pered" in about the political campaigning, but after all, who'tha hell cares now? . . . The DELTA GAMS finally got initiated . . . and who was the little girl that had a hangover during the solemn ordeal? . . . Just ask any of those girls and they'll say the Tavern Drug is getting popular. HOPKINS, was it your bathrobe that was found in a Phi Psi's car? One must be able to talk nowadays and especially when it's to a doc- tor . . . so JESSIE STEMN enrolls in Pre. Med .... Nevertheless we wish to congratulate her on the up- lifting she's done for dear ole Kappa Alpha Theta ...HAL FOSTER'S bodyguard recently certainly made him feel important . . . PFEFFERCORN per- conally wanted to maul him a bit. JUST ask the TRI DELTS what a swell town Rol- la can be . . . Virginia almost screamed but her date was a senior after all . . . and away to the Beer Bust . . .For those who know, it will be no surprise when an engagement will be announced on Rollins Avenue . . . Guess. Is it the north or south side this time? . . . The "PIN MART" is opening and the bears are going strong . . . several houses in the sorority district are expectantly awaiting bon-bons. We know of eight already. College Avenue rates its share, but the majority of pins come from the West- ern Front . . . What caused DIZZY ORR to lose the straight and narrow path . . . was it the uniforms the cadets wore at a certain military school or the hard wooden seats on east Main Street? We hear KANSAS UNIVERSITY has gone hey! hey! in a ward school manner. They're doing the yo-yo's up thar. The best in school is the campus hero. All of which only increases our contempt for JAYHAWKERS. . . From the pages of "TIME" we read the low down on the recent LAW-ENGINE scrap . . . and even in the New York tabloids it rates prominence . . . too bad M. U. can't get equal pub- licity on something worthwhile. FROM whom does STEPP get all her poetry? Two two little girls that room at the head of the stairs always -manage to get in the birdie . (Continued on Page Six) THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Five NEW CHEVROLET SIX Page Six THE MISSOURI SHOWME The Columbia Missourian THE MISSOURI STORE CO. DORN-CLONEY SHOWME SHOW (Continued from Page Four) How did the SIGMA NU polo player get his car out of the creek so early one morning? . . . CLAUDE MEYERS and MARVIN BENNETT admit they can beat any other golf team in the University. Mod- est, aren't they? From the care the mongrel dog gets from the PHI GAMS you'd almost think it was a thoroughbred. JACK WILLOUGHBY drives it around with it setting beside him and we've heard VINCENT COATES even builds fires to keep the hound comfortable. Our varsity catcher (the ball team, of course) was recently called "AXLE" by one of the fans at the game. When told the name was "SPINDLE" he remarked: "Oh, hell, I knew it was some part of the wagon"-or words to that effect. . . MONTE KENDRICK don't you find it rather hard on your tux to crawl up creek bottoms? And what about all that lipstick? Ask FRITZ HOLTSHUE about the "ROOSTER-FISH STORY' he enjoys telling it to everyone. .. Yoo hoo, we heard an older girl call BOB SCOTT "that cute red-headed PHI PSI"- yoo, hoo! BOBBIE! . .. Can you feature MARTHA JUNE STEVENSON mothering EMORY SHY? NICE joy ride the new student president and FRANK (No Hokum) HOKE took to Neb- raska, expenses paid, and all that. Too bad AL did'nt get to go with them. What's your trouble, BERKLEY, do you always employ a mouthpiece to tell your "friends" what you think of them? Shame, shame. FRANK FAXON wishes he knew what hap- pened to LOLLIE McGINNIS behind locked doors . . and Lollie didn't even have circles under her eyes . . . TRI CHI party was so darn dark we over- heard (while dancing) the following: "Who was that dumbbell you were dancing with, Mary?" "Bob, this isn't Mary, it is - " "Bob? Hell, your not my date - " and he left her cold and almost flat . .. We've birded the songbirds on the campus quite a bit, but one real good singer is the PHI GAM who does his stuff with Johnnie Harrison on Sundays . . . speaking of orchestra men, we wish to congratulate JIMMY COLLINS, ANDY SQUIRES and "TUB- BY" O'FARREL as well as HAROLD BURNEY and the combined orchestra men of the campus for the greatest, most successful, and best take-off on the political parades and political speeches ever pulled here or elsewhere. Many really doubted their sincer- ity even after they put out the "SOPHIE CLUTTS" handbills, but were they ever surprised at the length of the parade. Jimmy Collins, the tall HANDSOME Chesterfield Cigarettes UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI BULL-ETIN NUMBER OF THE Missouri Showme This is No Bum Steer "Kome to Kolumbia and Be Kollegiate" With all due apologies to the University of Missouri we present the following pages of bull, premeditated, but with no malice aforethought. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nine WELCOME STEWDS .. BE HIGH HAT No Cover Charge, Oh, No! Spend your spare time in JELLY HALL where you learn and are trained to be high hat. Snuggled in your corner you can gab and gossip with and about your friends, and at the same time leer and swear at your enemies. No cover charge at any time, but what it does cost in the long run. You'll find JELLY HALL an enticing place to waste your time. Classes? Oh, yes, there are a few, but who goes to them? COME TO JELLY HALL TOMORROW ... YOU WON'T REGRET OR FOR- GET IT... THOSE MEMORIES OF COLLEGE DAYS WILL LIVE FOREVER IN YOUR MEMORY.... IN JELLY HALL YOU'LL FIND THE GALAXY and THE MAELSTROM (whatever that means). THE HIGH HAT JELLY HALL Page Ten THE MISSOURI SHOWME Of course YOU will want to be a POLITICIAN and you can - - its simple - - SO SIMPLE THE BIG WHEELS BUSY AT THEIR WORK Now, confess up. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE A BIG DYNA- MO on Missouri's campus. Wouldn't you? Gee, it is great to have your face and name stuck up all over town. And think what fun it is to get up early in the morning and tear down the op- positions posters. That's real life, boy, oh boy. And if you are interested in fights, here is the place to find and fight them. Challenge lists, yes sir We have them. See the politician at the right in his shirt sleeves at the controls? Nothing can happen until he pulls the switch. And talk about pulling things around here. Of course you will wonder why the window shades are pulled up, but the machine is so conspicuously located you would never recognize it. Come and join the machine. They need new blood . and they'll get it, too. THE MACHINE, INC., care University Stables, Inc. Please send me the following booklets which I have marked as I am hot for being a machine-man. I agree to pay for the booklets C.O.D. as is your plan, always. ( ) 255 page illustrated booklet "HOW TO BECOME A STU- DENT PRESIDENT," $1.50. ( ) 200 page booklet "WHY WE DIDN'T SWING THE BIG ELECTION THIS YEAR," unexpurgated, leather-bound, $3. ( ) 7000 page booklet, "THE ART OF TEARING DOWN SIGNS AND KEEPING YOURS UP AT THE SAME TIME," 75c. ( ) 677 page booklet: "HOW TO MAKE THE BARBS VOTE YOUR WAY." (This is an unusually good book-take it from me for $1.00.) ( ) 500 page booklet "ONE DOZEN GOOD POLITICAL RALLY SPEECHES," everyone a blood-curdling epic and dramatic message for only $2.48. N am e ..................... Address . INDEED, yes! Look at our pres- ent president. Simple, isn't it? And YOU too, can become a student presi- dent, and overnight, at that. Be a Big CAUCUS MAN and smoke other people's cigarettes. BE A BIG SHOT and get your hand caught in the ma- chine. What? You haven't heard about the BIG MACHINE that runs things around here? Tsk, Tsk. Look at the two beautiful and exclusive photographs taken through a keyhole of the machine busy at work. We admit some of them need oiling and do you see the nice mans giving one of the big shots the works? Yes, he is well oiled. These, dear children, are what makes the wheels go round on the campus. Nothing happens un- less the machine operates it. BE A DYNAMO AND GET IN ON WHAT'S GOING ON WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO WRITE A LETTER HOME LIKE THIS: . . and had a pretty busy day, mother dear. Got my filthy hands stained with a little graft and spent a sleep- less night over at the Observatory. Nothing much, tho, mother. It won't be necessary to send that check to- morrow as I wrote you last week. We're going to open some new office- and then I can buy that new roadster I have been wanting so bad. You should see the swell pictures I took for my campaign posters, and Joe is writing the swellest speech for the political rally. I'll send you a copy of it. We have two more votes in line today, but I have to take both of them to the show tonight to be assured of their support. All the boys at the house are working hard and I think we will win. But don't you worry. THEY CAN'T BEAT THE MA- CHINE. Must close now and go to a se- cret meeting, so wil write you later .. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Eleven What Every Young Man Should Know or INFORMATION ABOUT THE WOMEN'S GYM At Mizzou, there is the constant cry of "Let Jim do it!" For example, if a young lady who is a student at the University decides that she needs some building up around the mid-section, what does she do? Merely whispers confidingly, "I'll let gym do it!"-And perhaps you have heard the one about the Iowa dirt farmer who sent his daughter off to college. Upon her re- turn, he said admiringly, "Datter, you are certainly looking in rarin' good health!" "I ought to," responded the fair little one, "'I weigh 108 pounds stripped for gym." "Maw," exploded the agrarian, "hand me down my shotgun, I'm going looking for Jim." WHERE WOMEN ARE SWIMMIN' and MEN ARE NON-EXISTENT Of course you have heard of our splendid swimming pool. We only need to say that Olga Swen- son, the famous Swedish acquatic performer, has commented, "I bane tank so." In this pool dis- port the celebrated Missouri Mer- maids, half women, half fish, half shot. For the Uninstructed Male We Offer the Following Direc- tions to this No Man's Land Take the yellow and green trol- ley that runs along the North side of the campus. If no trolley appears, walk four blocks in the general direction of Washington, D. C. Turn down the street and cross the lawn on the right side of the street (we love to hear the owner rave). By this time you will be rather hopelessly be- fuddled, but a white building with red window blinds will now be in sight. However, that's not the place. From here the excel- lent aroma of the Ag fields can be evidenced. Turn away from it (we always do) and go three blocks north, one south by north- north-south. You'll see a sign "Women's Gym," but DON'T YOU DARE GO IN COME TO MISSOURI, INC. We Need YOU! BE A FRATERNARY MAN OR SORORITY GAL Boys - Girls! Look! 1000 Available Rooms Now Open! Act at Once! 51 vacant fraternary houses and 16 empty sorority houses that MUST BE FILLED by SEPTEMBER 15! We need NEW BLOOD and we gotta have people to live in our houses. Just think, 1000 available rooms await you. (Eight to ten in a room, of course-that's always been our program). What an opportunity to live and really learn how other people are. Here is the chance of a life time and you'll enjoy every minute of the time you are here. The associated houses of the PAN-HELLENIC FRATERNARIES & SORORITIES, INC. are well situated and most of them are near the golf course. Those not near the golf course have other excellent opportunities. $15,000 for 9 Glorious Months of Fun! the PLAYGROUND of MISSOURI Months of Fun! COLUMBIA IS the PLAYGROUND of MISSOURI Playground . . . that's not the word. This is an ideal substitute for HEAVEN. Think of it: DATES, (every night and then some), golf, tennis, polo, swimming, pool, chess, poker, tiddle-winks, BULL SESSIONS, parties, dancing, singing, pol- itics, theaters, (all three of them) hikes into the hill sides, (and riding-if you wish) trips to Mo- berly, Sedalia, Westphalia, and points west over the week-end, checkers, bridge, craps, dominoes, matching quarters, (if you have any-and you bet- ter have) Old Maid, Rook, Post Office, Hide & Seek, Blind Man's Bluff (parties reserved at Lover's Leap) Drop the Handkerchief, Cop & Robbers, Hop-Skip-and-Jump, and many, many other enjoyable sports and diversions. EVERY DAY IS A HOLIDAY, YES, SIR! Look at this, an average page from the aver- age co-eds diary: FRIDAY: Cut morning classes and jellied for one and a half hours . . . went to that darned English class . . . cut 10 o'clock and went riding in country. Lunch with Joe at soandso's cafe . . Friday afternoon-went horseback riding and swim- ming later . . . tea date followed by theater party . . played Cops and Robbers for half an hour . . . went to Damma Phi No party . . . darned good time . . . after dance played Post-Office . . . hopped over to Westphalia and returned at three a. m.... hell of a time getting in the house . . going to St. Louis tomorrow, so to bed . . Pan-Hellenic Fraternaries and Sororities, Inc. JOIN US NOW! MAIL THIS COUPON AT ONCE! DON'T DELAY! Pan-Hellenic Fraternaries & Sororities, Inc. Ladies (?) and Gents (?) Please reserve me a room with bath, without bath, (please indicate). I want to be a member of . fraternity or sorority. (please indicate). Name ..- . Address - - Father's Occupation ..........--- His Income .. (please, please indicate) My monthly allowance will probably be $............ (please indicate) I drive the folowing kind of car ....... . model ...... My car has, has not, a rumble seat. I do, do not, let other people borrow my car. (indicate) THE CHECK I'M ENCLOSING IS, (IS NOT), GOOD. (INDICATE!) care MISSOURI U. INC. Page Fourteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME ARE THE FARMERS EVER FAIR? NOTHING COULD BE FAIRER No, ladies and geltlemen, this isn't a birdseye view of the Pi Phi spring lawn party and it isn't an unemployment uprising. Rather, it is just the FARMER'S FAIR. And are they ever fair? Do you see Rudy Vallee in the foreground with the megaphone. Or is that Columbo Clay? Sorry we couldn't include the ferris wh eel in this illustration, but the boys "just couldn't get together when the camera mans got there." Yess, we have Fairs here at Missouri, dear readers, and what fairs they are. Ask Buck- shot Barbee, he managed 'em oncet. And did he ever manage 'em. The big house over in the right foreground is not the state capital but is the ALPHA GAMMA RHO eating lodge. Here the boys drop their plows momentarily to feed their faces and read the home town papers. Nice bunch of boys at that. And in the big tent in the background, Madame Fifi, the one-legged tap- dancer seems to be drawing the largest crowd. A nd is it ever a crowd. Drop Out to the Fair and Mingle with the Mob! THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Fifteen AMERICAN The Perfect College Course IDEALS Plan to Enroll Next Autumn An Ideal Class and and Ideal Classroom and an Ideal Course ALL for the PRICE of ONE We Strive to Please the STUDENT Sleep in Comfort Sleep While You Learn Why Try to Sleep in hard back Chairs? NO CRIBBING IN THIS CLASS .. . but What opportunities this course "AMERICAN IDEALS" does offer. Straight-back chairs and desks are now things of the past. This is an IDEAL class, modernly equipped for the students' comfort. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO COME TO CLASS AND LIE DOWN IN A NICE COMFORTABLE BED AND LET THE PROFESSOR PUT YOU TO SLEEP-with his drawl and bla-bla. (AT- TENTION BACKWARD STUDENTS: HERE IS AN EXCELLENT OP- PORTUNITY TO LIE DOWN ON THE JOB AND STILL GET A GOOD GRADE). Students attention! Here is the same wonderful opportunity. Enroll now for the Autumn course (in collaboration with the Missouri Inc. Plan to Come to Missouri Inc. This Autumn). Fill out the coupon below and mail today for our beautifully illustrated catalog which tells just what this course offers and why. Sleep and dream in Heavenly Peace . . The drumming monotonous tone of the professor's lectures will wrap you in the arms of Morepheus soon after roll is taken. And if you are still asleep when the bell rings, you won't be awakened- unless you leave a call for the houseboy. Bring you own pajamas and become ideal. Enroll Now. This offer limited to the first 25O-don't delay! AMERICAN IDEALS Missouri, Inc. GENTS: Please enroll me in your AMERICAN IDEALS CLASS and give me a nice day bed by the south window. I am enclosing the $150 course fee in my next letter and want you to send me the following booklets which I have checked below. ( ) 250 page illustrated catalog of the course 25c. ( ) 23 page diagram of floor plan of class room, 2 pfennigs.* ( ) 500 page Pony of course; easy for an "E", $1.00 ( ) 250 page Pony of course (for especially dumb students), six francs. My name is -------------- Address --------- City ---------------------------- State -------- Height ---- (ft. & in.) ---- length ---- weight My I.Q. at the last reading registered: 6.8, 4.3, minus 7, x plus. (please underscore). *Pfennig or its equivalent. Sixteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME GIRLS !! Do You Like to Play? (what a foolish question) OF COURSE YOU DO! See the Pretty Missouri Co-Eds at Play? Well look closely at the picture. What did you think it was? Field-mice on a picnic? Or an Elk's Outdoor Convention? Or the Democratic Rally? Speaking of games (who said anything about games?) glance over the following list of feminine sports (some are and some aren't) listed here below: CHESS TENNIS PING PONG SOCCER GOLF (why not?) JACKS (and Jills) WATER POLO FISHING HOP-SKIP and JUMP (ask the Gamma Phis) THE DAISY CHAIN BASEBALL RIDING SUN BATHS WRESTLING POCKET BILLIARDS BOWLING SKATING (ask for Maxine Hope) also 432 more other sports, indoor and out. Sit down today and think this matter over girls. OF COURSE you like to play, and just who doesn't? Come to Columbia, the playground of Missouri. Fun? You bet. Happy days? You bet. Sun- shine? You bet. Hoss races? YOU bet. Spend the happiest days of your life in Columbia. You won't forget or regret them. "Not a dull day in a week." THE MISSOURI SHOWME Seventeen Do You Work at Night? ENROLL NOW! Here is all you have to do: Get a reasonable pencil and paper; if you have no paper, sim- ply write upon the coupon which we have printed at the right, for this pur- pose. Simply write your name legibly and signify that you want to enroll in this course and learn about the celestial secrets and sights, about Ju- piter, Mars, Pluvius, and the other boys. After you have done this, tear out the coupon and mail to us at once. Simple, isn't it? And now Bing Cros- ky will sing our beautiful theme song entitled: "I sit awake nights, gazing at you, my beautiful star." (by special permission of the copyright owners.) Let me remind you that this offer comes to you through the courtesy of the Astronomy Department, half-way between the polo field and the coun- try club. DO YOU SPEND YOUR NIGHTS in Sleepless Agony? If You Do, Then Fill Out the Coupon Below HERE'S THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME for YOU NIGHT- WORKERS. Enroll now for the Missouri ASTRONOMY COURSE and spend your nights in happiness. Have the opportunity of working in the beautiful observatory pictured at the left. (What did you think it was? The capital? The Taj Mehal?) Sit- uated in the hills along the banks of the Hinkson away from the evils and tumult of civilization (yet in the cen- ter of student activities) you'll find peace and solitude while at work in the observatory. You'll see stars (and what stars). You'll get a telescopic view of the celestial sights (and what sights). No other course in the Uni- versity offers such possibilities. UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI, Inc. Astronomy Department DEAR SIRS: I spend my nights in sleepless agony and therefore want to enroll in your Astronomy class. Will you be so kind as to engrave my name on your class rolls? Thank you. I understand that this offer is open to only 400 and sincerely hope that I am one of the 400. Name .....--.... Address .... City .........State ..... Please send me the following free booklets which I have checked below: ( ) FREE, 2344 page booklett: "The Courtship of Venus and Jupiter." ( ) FREE 430 page booklet "Twice Across the Golf Course in a good 76." ( ) FREE Unexpurgated edition of "How I dubbed a hole-in-one." ( ) For 25c and a signed release from ma and pa we will send you the Announcement of Courses for the 1932-33 scholastic year of the University of Mis- souri, Inc. (No fee for shot-putters). ( ) For 10c we will send you a fascinating and under- standable booklet showing you how to overcome the hazard on hole No. 8, the one right across the brook. Page Eighteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME DON'T TELL ME THE ENGINEERS AREN'T PREPARED for THE NEXT WAR Here stands St. Patrick, the stronghold and defense of the Engineers. Note the six towering tombstones in the distance and in the foreground note the funeral urn wherein lies the ashes of Torts, Contracts, and Common Law. Isn't St. Patrick a beauty? Wouldn't YOU like to pull its trigger? Wouldn't you? SEND FOR FREE BOOKLET "FOUR YEARS WITH THE ENGINEERS" by Gaboons BOYS, don't stay at home and push the plow. Come to Mis- souri to the School of Engineering and learn to pull the trigger on ole St. Patrick . . .pick off a lawyer or two for the sport of it. WRITE FOR MY FREE BOOKLET "FOUR YEARS WITH THE ENGINEERS BY GABOONS". It's a scream and is it ever thrilling? I ask. Learn how to work a slide rule and all that. You too can become a loyal wearer of the green and maybe by the time you're a senior, you will have a few notches in your slide rule. Read of the life and entertainment Engineers have. Read all about how to make money by becoming a chain carrier on a construction gang. Read about everything in my new book. It's yours for the asking. Just write for my free book. (Why is it free? None of your darned business.) But write anyway, it's the nerts. by FLOYD GABOONS (Showme War Correspondent) "Rivalry is the spice of life"-yes sir, that is the old Confusing Proverb 1 learned while with the Hung Wons in Shanghai during the rebellion there. And you can't keep a good man down, so I'm told. In my recent book "Across the Yangtse River with Gaboons" 1 proved that statement when I rescued Gen. Chiang U. Cant Kashthat Check from drowning. But this is neither here nor there. (Of course I'm getting paid by the word, you fool). You can't tell me the Engineers aren't preparing for the next war. Give a look at St. Pat- rick, the new .75 millimeter pop gun that stands defiantly aiming its nose across the Quadrangle right in the direc- tion of the Law Barn. If that isn't preparedness, my name isn't Gaboon. And right here, ladies and geltlemen, let me tell you that St. Patrick is some gun! Boy, what it could have done to the Win Chells at Peking during the rebellion. And that isn't all. Have you seen the cadets drilling before the En- gine Building lately? Isn't that a sure sign of preparedness? (Don't tell me, I'm writing this story.) When the Engineers bring St. Pat into action, hell will pop loose. THE ENGINEERING FORTRESS Here is the Ft. St. Patrick, and is it ever a stronghold? Note the worm-eaten camaflouge covering part of the front. And isn't the ambush nifty? Only a loyal wearer of the green can trespass these grounds. Come and be an engineer and get to wear corduroy pants (green ones, too) without giving cause to anyone snickering at you. THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nineteen Boys! oh Boys! Do You Want to Be a KAY-DET Join the Perishing Rifles and Die with your Boots on! Ever since you were kicked out of the BOY SCOUTS you have been itching to wear a uni- form. AND DO WE HAVE UNIFORMS? Oh, boy!!! Every color in the rainbow (of course you have heard of the rainbow division-well, that's we.) We look like a Xmas tree all dressed up and nowhere to go. You will want to be A PERISHING RIFLE man. We drill every darn day and what exer- cise we get. And do the girls go for us when we wear our snappy multi-colored outfit. (We're the nuts). Squads right, east, west, and north-by-north east. Isn't that music in your ears? Isn't it? We're KAY-DETS, we are, and when we come to town Oh Boy, just watch out! You've heard the story about the farmer who yelled to his wife: "Mirandy, bring Sue in the house and lock up the cat, here comes them KAY-DETS." Join Today and See the World - Be a Man "The Almighty Eagle of the Perishing Rifles" PERISHING RIFLES, Inc. I want to be a kay-det and a man, too. Name Address ........ Age ........ Parents' Signatures ... Page Twenty THE MISSOURI SHOWME EXTER MO-GUN THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-one SHOWME SHOW (Continued from page 6) drumer boy in Op Cates band, was the instigator of the plot and successfully carried it out; his right hand cronies were ANDY SQUIRES and TUBBY who played "SOPHIE CLUTTS" and not with a piccolo! We also wish to congratulate the city police for per- mitting the affair and we were actually surprised at their unusually good sense of humor ... And as space runs short, I'm compelled to close. Watch for the final issue of the Showme May 23rd or thereabout, for I may expose myself . . . IF things permit and I can secure my railroad ticket soon enough, until then. I remain, your faithful servant, -THE OBSERVANT MULE. REGULAR CATARACT OF LODORE A sufferer who lives close to a railroad yard in the suburbs wrote the following to the railroad com- pany complaining about the racket made by a swith engine: "Gentelemen: Why is it that you switch engine has to ding and dong, and fizz and spit and bang and hiss and pant and grate and grind and puff and bump and chug and hoot and toot and whistle and wheeze and jar and jerk and howl and snarl and puff and growl and thump and boom and clash and jolt and screech and snort and snarl and slam and throb and roar and rattle and yell and smoke and smell and shriek like hell all night long?" -Beanpot The waiter laughed when I spoke to him in French. No wonder, it was my old prof. -Owl Prof. (during examination) : "Will some gentle- man who isn't using his text-book be so kind as to let me have it a few moments?" -Beanpot House Beautiful Life Savers Tell them you saw it in The Showme Miller Riding Equipment Page Twenty-two THE MISSOURI SHOWME Harris' Cafe THE STUDENTS' OPTOMETRIST DR. G. E. WARD, JR. O.P. & Observant Mule, Inc. Boone County National Bank THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-three SHOWME BUYER'S GUIDE Page L. G. Balfour Company . ............................. Boone County National Bank .......... Cam el Cigarettes .............. Chesterfield Cigarettes ..... Chevrolet College Humor ........ Columbian Missourian ...... Co-op Store ...... DeCloud Tiger Hotel Studio ............ Dorn-Cloney Laundry Company ........ Gaebler's Black and Gold Inn ..... Harris' Cafe ....................... House Beautiful ......... Life Saver .. Miller Riding Equipment ............. Missouri Stores Company ... Missouri Utilities ... Tiger Laundry Company ... Time Service ... Dr. Ward ............... MISSOURI UTILITIES It won't be long now The time has come (the walrus said) when Freshmen doff their dinks, soph- omores and juniors tear off to Europe and seniors discover whether or not there is life after college. Make your last days at school more pleasant by reading Swizzle-stick, a novelette by a debutante, which is as stimulating as the title implies; Know Your Olympics, an informa- tive article on the event which holds the spotlight; and many other fiction and fact features reflecting all your high moments. There is rollicking, panicing humor to cheer your remain- ing days, in the July issue of College Humor Camel Cigarettes