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THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI BULL-ETIN
PROMOTING MISSOURI, INC.
MAY 2, 1932
PRICE FIFTEEN CENTS
DeCloud Tiger Hotel Studio
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Three
Copyright 1932 by Missouri Chapter of Sigma Delta Chi
Missouri Showme is published monthly, except during July
and August, by the Missouri Chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, pro-
fessional journalism fraternity, as the Official Humor and
Literary Publication of the University of Missouri. Subscription
price, $1.00 per year;15c the single copy.
VOL. III MAY 2, 1932 NO. 9
O. O. MCINTYRE, Godfather
Editor-in-chief, HAROLD (ABIE) ELFENBEIN
Business Manager, WARREN O. MCINTYRE
Feature Editor, BEN STONE
Exchange Editor, MARIAN KISER
Art Editor, JOHN HERBERT ROUSH
Make-up Editor, HAROLD V. CLARK
Advertising Manager, ROBERT W. RACE
Circulation Manager, ANDREW YOUNG
Assistant Circulation Mgr., THEODORE COURSAULT
Office Manager, SIDNEY O. SHAPIRO
Shirley Ann Brown
J. D. White
Emma B. Offutt
THE CONTENTS OF THIS MAGAZINE ARE NOT TO BE
REPRINTED WITHOUT PERMISSION. Address all com-
munications to: MISSOURI SHOWME, 14 So. Ninth Street,
Columbia, Missouri. Office of publication: Herald-Statesman
Publishing Co., 107 So. Ninth Street, The Virginia Bldg.,
Columbia, Mo. Editorial and Business Office: 14 So. Ninth
Street, Columbia, Missouri. Application for entry as second
class mail matter is pending.
Exclusive reprint rights granted to College Humor.
L. G. Balfour Company
"Our Time Is Your Time"
for Correct Time
7 a. m. to 9 p. m.
Page Four THE MISSOURI SHOWME
BLACK and GOLD INN
and Dry Cleaning Co.
TRANGE enough we are surprised to see people
talking and greeting each other in the same un-
assuming manner as before the election. Loads
of unreliable material have been turned in and "whis-
pered" in about the political campaigning, but after
all, who'tha hell cares now? . . . The DELTA GAMS
finally got initiated . . . and who was the little girl
that had a hangover during the solemn ordeal? . . .
Just ask any of those girls and they'll say the Tavern
Drug is getting popular.
HOPKINS, was it your bathrobe that was found
in a Phi Psi's car? One must be able to talk
nowadays and especially when it's to a doc-
tor . . . so JESSIE STEMN enrolls in Pre. Med ....
Nevertheless we wish to congratulate her on the up-
lifting she's done for dear ole Kappa Alpha Theta
...HAL FOSTER'S bodyguard recently certainly
made him feel important . . . PFEFFERCORN per-
conally wanted to maul him a bit.
JUST ask the TRI DELTS what a swell town Rol-
la can be . . . Virginia almost screamed but her
date was a senior after all . . . and away to the
Beer Bust . . .For those who know, it will be no
surprise when an engagement will be announced on
Rollins Avenue . . . Guess. Is it the north or south
side this time? . . . The "PIN MART" is opening
and the bears are going strong . . . several houses in
the sorority district are expectantly awaiting bon-bons.
We know of eight already. College Avenue rates its
share, but the majority of pins come from the West-
ern Front . . . What caused DIZZY ORR to lose the
straight and narrow path . . . was it the uniforms the
cadets wore at a certain military school or the hard
wooden seats on east Main Street?
We hear KANSAS UNIVERSITY has gone
hey! hey! in a ward school manner. They're doing
the yo-yo's up thar. The best in school is the campus
hero. All of which only increases our contempt for
JAYHAWKERS. . . From the pages of "TIME"
we read the low down on the recent LAW-ENGINE
scrap . . . and even in the New York tabloids it rates
prominence . . . too bad M. U. can't get equal pub-
licity on something worthwhile.
FROM whom does STEPP get all her poetry?
Two two little girls that room at the head of the
stairs always -manage to get in the birdie .
(Continued on Page Six)
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Five
NEW CHEVROLET SIX
Page Six THE MISSOURI SHOWME
The Columbia Missourian
THE MISSOURI STORE CO.
(Continued from Page Four)
How did the SIGMA NU polo player get his car out
of the creek so early one morning? . . . CLAUDE
MEYERS and MARVIN BENNETT admit they
can beat any other golf team in the University. Mod-
est, aren't they? From the care the mongrel dog gets
from the PHI GAMS you'd almost think it was a
thoroughbred. JACK WILLOUGHBY drives it
around with it setting beside him and we've heard
VINCENT COATES even builds fires to keep the
Our varsity catcher (the ball team, of course)
was recently called "AXLE" by one of the fans at
the game. When told the name was "SPINDLE"
he remarked: "Oh, hell, I knew it was some part of
the wagon"-or words to that effect. . . MONTE
KENDRICK don't you find it rather hard on your
tux to crawl up creek bottoms? And what about all
that lipstick? Ask FRITZ HOLTSHUE about the
"ROOSTER-FISH STORY' he enjoys telling it to
everyone. .. Yoo hoo, we heard an older girl call
BOB SCOTT "that cute red-headed PHI PSI"-
yoo, hoo! BOBBIE! . .. Can you feature MARTHA
JUNE STEVENSON mothering EMORY SHY?
NICE joy ride the new student president and
FRANK (No Hokum) HOKE took to Neb-
raska, expenses paid, and all that. Too bad
AL did'nt get to go with them. What's your trouble,
BERKLEY, do you always employ a mouthpiece to
tell your "friends" what you think of them? Shame,
shame. FRANK FAXON wishes he knew what hap-
pened to LOLLIE McGINNIS behind locked doors
. . and Lollie didn't even have circles under her
eyes . . . TRI CHI party was so darn dark we over-
heard (while dancing) the following: "Who was that
dumbbell you were dancing with, Mary?" "Bob,
this isn't Mary, it is - " "Bob? Hell, your not my
date - " and he left her cold and almost flat . ..
We've birded the songbirds on the campus quite
a bit, but one real good singer is the PHI GAM who
does his stuff with Johnnie Harrison on Sundays . . .
speaking of orchestra men, we wish to congratulate
JIMMY COLLINS, ANDY SQUIRES and "TUB-
BY" O'FARREL as well as HAROLD BURNEY
and the combined orchestra men of the campus for
the greatest, most successful, and best take-off on
the political parades and political speeches ever pulled
here or elsewhere. Many really doubted their sincer-
ity even after they put out the "SOPHIE CLUTTS"
handbills, but were they ever surprised at the length
of the parade. Jimmy Collins, the tall HANDSOME
UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI BULL-ETIN
This is No Bum Steer
"Kome to Kolumbia and Be Kollegiate"
With all due apologies to the University of Missouri we present the
following pages of bull, premeditated, but with
no malice aforethought.
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nine
WELCOME STEWDS .. BE HIGH HAT
No Cover Charge, Oh, No!
Spend your spare time in JELLY HALL where you learn and are trained to be high
hat. Snuggled in your corner you can gab and gossip with and about your friends, and
at the same time leer and swear at your enemies. No cover charge at any time, but what
it does cost in the long run. You'll find JELLY HALL an enticing place to waste your
time. Classes? Oh, yes, there are a few, but who goes to them?
COME TO JELLY HALL TOMORROW ... YOU WON'T REGRET OR FOR-
GET IT... THOSE MEMORIES OF COLLEGE DAYS WILL LIVE FOREVER IN
YOUR MEMORY.... IN JELLY HALL YOU'LL FIND THE GALAXY and THE
MAELSTROM (whatever that means).
THE HIGH HAT
Page Ten THE MISSOURI SHOWME
Of course YOU will want to be a POLITICIAN
and you can - - its simple - - SO SIMPLE
THE BIG WHEELS BUSY AT THEIR WORK
Now, confess up. WOULDN'T
YOU LIKE TO BE A BIG DYNA-
MO on Missouri's campus. Wouldn't
you? Gee, it is great to have your face
and name stuck up all over town. And
think what fun it is to get up early
in the morning and tear down the op-
positions posters. That's real life,
boy, oh boy. And if you are interested
in fights, here is the place to find and
fight them. Challenge lists, yes sir
We have them. See the politician at
the right in his shirt sleeves at the
controls? Nothing can happen until
he pulls the switch. And talk about
pulling things around here. Of course
you will wonder why the window
shades are pulled up, but the machine
is so conspicuously located you would
never recognize it. Come and join the
machine. They need new blood .
and they'll get it, too.
THE MACHINE, INC., care University Stables, Inc.
Please send me the following booklets which I have marked as I am
hot for being a machine-man. I agree to pay for the booklets C.O.D.
as is your plan, always.
( ) 255 page illustrated booklet "HOW TO BECOME A STU-
DENT PRESIDENT," $1.50.
( ) 200 page booklet "WHY WE DIDN'T SWING THE BIG
ELECTION THIS YEAR," unexpurgated, leather-bound, $3.
( ) 7000 page booklet, "THE ART OF TEARING DOWN SIGNS
AND KEEPING YOURS UP AT THE SAME TIME," 75c.
( ) 677 page booklet: "HOW TO MAKE THE BARBS VOTE
YOUR WAY." (This is an unusually good book-take it
from me for $1.00.)
( ) 500 page booklet "ONE DOZEN GOOD POLITICAL RALLY
SPEECHES," everyone a blood-curdling epic and dramatic
message for only $2.48.
N am e ..................... Address .
INDEED, yes! Look at our pres-
ent president. Simple, isn't it? And
YOU too, can become a student presi-
dent, and overnight, at that. Be a Big
CAUCUS MAN and smoke other
people's cigarettes. BE A BIG SHOT
and get your hand caught in the ma-
chine. What? You haven't heard
about the BIG MACHINE that runs
things around here? Tsk, Tsk. Look
at the two beautiful and exclusive
photographs taken through a keyhole
of the machine busy at work. We
admit some of them need oiling and
do you see the nice mans giving one
of the big shots the works? Yes, he
is well oiled. These, dear children,
are what makes the wheels go round
on the campus. Nothing happens un-
less the machine operates it.
BE A DYNAMO AND GET IN ON WHAT'S GOING ON
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO
WRITE A LETTER HOME
. . and had a pretty busy day, mother
dear. Got my filthy hands stained
with a little graft and spent a sleep-
less night over at the Observatory.
Nothing much, tho, mother. It won't
be necessary to send that check to-
morrow as I wrote you last week.
We're going to open some new office-
and then I can buy that new roadster
I have been wanting so bad.
You should see the swell pictures
I took for my campaign posters, and
Joe is writing the swellest speech for
the political rally. I'll send you a copy
of it. We have two more votes in line
today, but I have to take both of them
to the show tonight to be assured of
their support. All the boys at the
house are working hard and I think
we will win. But don't you worry.
THEY CAN'T BEAT THE MA-
Must close now and go to a se-
cret meeting, so wil write you later ..
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Eleven
What Every Young Man Should Know
INFORMATION ABOUT THE WOMEN'S GYM
At Mizzou, there is the constant cry of "Let Jim do it!" For example, if a young lady who
is a student at the University decides that she needs some building up around the mid-section,
what does she do? Merely whispers confidingly, "I'll let gym do it!"-And perhaps you have
heard the one about the Iowa dirt farmer who sent his daughter off to college. Upon her re-
turn, he said admiringly, "Datter, you are certainly looking in rarin' good health!" "I ought
to," responded the fair little one, "'I weigh 108 pounds stripped for gym." "Maw," exploded the
agrarian, "hand me down my shotgun, I'm going looking for Jim."
WHERE WOMEN ARE SWIMMIN' and
MEN ARE NON-EXISTENT
Of course you have heard of
our splendid swimming pool. We
only need to say that Olga Swen-
son, the famous Swedish acquatic
performer, has commented, "I
bane tank so." In this pool dis-
port the celebrated Missouri Mer-
maids, half women, half fish, half
For the Uninstructed
We Offer the Following Direc-
tions to this No Man's Land
Take the yellow and green trol-
ley that runs along the North
side of the campus. If no trolley
appears, walk four blocks in the
general direction of Washington,
D. C. Turn down the street and
cross the lawn on the right side
of the street (we love to hear the
owner rave). By this time you
will be rather hopelessly be-
fuddled, but a white building
with red window blinds will now
be in sight. However, that's not
the place. From here the excel-
lent aroma of the Ag fields can
be evidenced. Turn away from
it (we always do) and go three
blocks north, one south by north-
north-south. You'll see a sign
but DON'T YOU DARE GO IN
COME TO MISSOURI, INC.
We Need YOU!
BE A FRATERNARY MAN OR SORORITY GAL
Boys - Girls! Look! 1000 Available Rooms Now Open! Act at Once!
51 vacant fraternary houses and 16 empty sorority houses that MUST BE FILLED by SEPTEMBER 15! We
need NEW BLOOD and we gotta have people to live in our houses. Just think, 1000 available rooms await you. (Eight
to ten in a room, of course-that's always been our program). What an opportunity to live and really learn how other
people are. Here is the chance of a life time and you'll enjoy every minute of the time you are here. The associated
houses of the PAN-HELLENIC FRATERNARIES & SORORITIES, INC. are well situated and most of them are
near the golf course. Those not near the golf course have other excellent opportunities.
$15,000 for 9 Glorious
Months of Fun!
the PLAYGROUND of MISSOURI
Months of Fun!
the PLAYGROUND of MISSOURI
Playground . . . that's not the word. This is
an ideal substitute for HEAVEN. Think of it:
DATES, (every night and then some), golf, tennis,
polo, swimming, pool, chess, poker, tiddle-winks,
BULL SESSIONS, parties, dancing, singing, pol-
itics, theaters, (all three of them) hikes into the
hill sides, (and riding-if you wish) trips to Mo-
berly, Sedalia, Westphalia, and points west over
the week-end, checkers, bridge, craps, dominoes,
matching quarters, (if you have any-and you bet-
ter have) Old Maid, Rook, Post Office, Hide &
Seek, Blind Man's Bluff (parties reserved at
Lover's Leap) Drop the Handkerchief, Cop &
Robbers, Hop-Skip-and-Jump, and many, many
other enjoyable sports and diversions.
EVERY DAY IS A HOLIDAY,
Look at this, an average page from the aver-
age co-eds diary:
FRIDAY: Cut morning classes and jellied for
one and a half hours . . . went to that darned
English class . . . cut 10 o'clock and went riding in
country. Lunch with Joe at soandso's cafe . .
Friday afternoon-went horseback riding and swim-
ming later . . . tea date followed by theater party
. . played Cops and Robbers for half an hour . . .
went to Damma Phi No party . . . darned good
time . . . after dance played Post-Office . . . hopped
over to Westphalia and returned at three a. m....
hell of a time getting in the house . . going to St.
Louis tomorrow, so to bed . .
Pan-Hellenic Fraternaries and
JOIN US NOW!
MAIL THIS COUPON AT ONCE! DON'T DELAY!
Pan-Hellenic Fraternaries & Sororities, Inc.
Ladies (?) and Gents (?) Please reserve me a room with bath, without bath,
(please indicate). I want to be a member of . fraternity or
sorority. (please indicate).
Name ..- . Address - -
Father's Occupation ..........--- His Income ..
(please, please indicate)
My monthly allowance will probably be $............ (please indicate)
I drive the folowing kind of car ....... . model ......
My car has, has not, a rumble seat.
I do, do not, let other people borrow my car. (indicate)
THE CHECK I'M ENCLOSING IS, (IS NOT), GOOD. (INDICATE!)
care MISSOURI U. INC.
Page Fourteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME
ARE THE FARMERS EVER FAIR?
NOTHING COULD BE FAIRER
No, ladies and geltlemen, this isn't a birdseye view of the Pi Phi spring lawn party and
it isn't an unemployment uprising. Rather, it is just the FARMER'S FAIR. And are they ever
fair? Do you see Rudy Vallee in the foreground with the megaphone. Or is that Columbo
Clay? Sorry we couldn't include the ferris wh eel in this illustration, but the boys "just couldn't
get together when the camera mans got there."
Yess, we have Fairs here at Missouri, dear readers, and what fairs they are. Ask Buck-
shot Barbee, he managed 'em oncet. And did he ever manage 'em. The big house over in the
right foreground is not the state capital but is the ALPHA GAMMA RHO eating lodge. Here
the boys drop their plows momentarily to feed their faces and read the home town papers. Nice
bunch of boys at that. And in the big tent in the background, Madame Fifi, the one-legged tap-
dancer seems to be drawing the largest crowd. A nd is it ever a crowd.
Drop Out to the Fair and Mingle with the Mob!
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Fifteen
AMERICAN The Perfect College Course
IDEALS Plan to Enroll Next Autumn
to Please the
in hard back
NO CRIBBING IN THIS CLASS .. . but
What opportunities this course "AMERICAN IDEALS" does offer. Straight-back
chairs and desks are now things of the past. This is an IDEAL class, modernly
equipped for the students' comfort. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO COME TO
CLASS AND LIE DOWN IN A NICE COMFORTABLE BED AND LET
THE PROFESSOR PUT YOU TO SLEEP-with his drawl and bla-bla. (AT-
TENTION BACKWARD STUDENTS: HERE IS AN EXCELLENT OP-
PORTUNITY TO LIE DOWN ON THE JOB AND STILL GET A GOOD
Students attention! Here is the same wonderful opportunity. Enroll now
for the Autumn course (in collaboration
with the Missouri Inc. Plan to Come to
Missouri Inc. This Autumn). Fill out
the coupon below and mail today for our
beautifully illustrated catalog which tells
just what this course offers and why.
Sleep and dream in Heavenly Peace
. . The drumming monotonous tone of
the professor's lectures will wrap you in
the arms of Morepheus soon after roll is
taken. And if you are still asleep when
the bell rings, you won't be awakened-
unless you leave a call for the houseboy.
Bring you own pajamas and become
ideal. Enroll Now. This offer limited
to the first 25O-don't delay!
GENTS: Please enroll me in your AMERICAN
IDEALS CLASS and give me a nice day bed by the
south window. I am enclosing the $150 course fee in
my next letter and want you to send me the following
booklets which I have checked below.
( ) 250 page illustrated catalog of the course 25c.
( ) 23 page diagram of floor plan of class room,
( ) 500 page Pony of course; easy for an "E", $1.00
( ) 250 page Pony of course (for especially dumb
students), six francs.
My name is -------------- Address ---------
City ---------------------------- State --------
Height ---- (ft. & in.) ---- length ---- weight
My I.Q. at the last reading registered: 6.8, 4.3, minus
7, x plus. (please underscore).
*Pfennig or its equivalent.
Sixteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME
Do You Like to Play?
(what a foolish question)
OF COURSE YOU DO!
See the Pretty Missouri Co-Eds at Play?
Well look closely at the picture. What did you think it was? Field-mice on a picnic? Or an
Elk's Outdoor Convention? Or the Democratic Rally? Speaking of games (who said anything about
games?) glance over the following list of feminine sports (some are and some aren't) listed here below:
CHESS TENNIS PING PONG
SOCCER GOLF (why not?) JACKS (and Jills)
WATER POLO FISHING HOP-SKIP and JUMP
(ask the Gamma Phis)
THE DAISY CHAIN BASEBALL RIDING
SUN BATHS WRESTLING POCKET BILLIARDS
BOWLING SKATING (ask for Maxine Hope)
also 432 more other sports, indoor and out.
Sit down today and think this matter over girls. OF COURSE you like to play, and just who
doesn't? Come to Columbia, the playground of Missouri. Fun? You bet. Happy days? You bet. Sun-
shine? You bet. Hoss races? YOU bet.
Spend the happiest days of your life in Columbia. You won't
forget or regret them. "Not a dull day in a week."
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Seventeen
Do You Work at Night?
ENROLL NOW! Here is all you
have to do: Get a reasonable pencil
and paper; if you have no paper, sim-
ply write upon the coupon which we
have printed at the right, for this pur-
pose. Simply write your name legibly
and signify that you want to enroll
in this course and learn about the
celestial secrets and sights, about Ju-
piter, Mars, Pluvius, and the other
boys. After you have done this, tear
out the coupon and mail to us at once.
Simple, isn't it? And now Bing Cros-
ky will sing our beautiful theme song
entitled: "I sit awake nights, gazing
at you, my beautiful star." (by special
permission of the copyright owners.)
Let me remind you that this offer
comes to you through the courtesy of
the Astronomy Department, half-way
between the polo field and the coun-
DO YOU SPEND
If You Do, Then Fill Out
the Coupon Below
HERE'S THE CHANCE OF A
LIFETIME for YOU NIGHT-
WORKERS. Enroll now for the
Missouri ASTRONOMY COURSE
and spend your nights in happiness.
Have the opportunity of working in
the beautiful observatory pictured at
the left. (What did you think it was?
The capital? The Taj Mehal?) Sit-
uated in the hills along the banks of
the Hinkson away from the evils and
tumult of civilization (yet in the cen-
ter of student activities) you'll find
peace and solitude while at work in
the observatory. You'll see stars (and
what stars). You'll get a telescopic
view of the celestial sights (and what
sights). No other course in the Uni-
versity offers such possibilities.
UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI, Inc.
DEAR SIRS: I spend my nights in sleepless agony and
therefore want to enroll in your Astronomy class. Will
you be so kind as to engrave my name on your class rolls?
Thank you. I understand that this offer is open to only
400 and sincerely hope that I am one of the 400.
City .........State .....
Please send me the following free booklets which I have
( ) FREE, 2344 page booklett: "The Courtship of Venus
( ) FREE 430 page booklet "Twice Across the Golf
Course in a good 76."
( ) FREE Unexpurgated edition of "How I dubbed a
( ) For 25c and a signed release from ma and pa we
will send you the Announcement of Courses for the
1932-33 scholastic year of the University of Mis-
souri, Inc. (No fee for shot-putters).
( ) For 10c we will send you a fascinating and under-
standable booklet showing you how to overcome
the hazard on hole No. 8, the one right across the
Page Eighteen THE MISSOURI SHOWME
DON'T TELL ME THE ENGINEERS AREN'T PREPARED
for THE NEXT WAR
Here stands St. Patrick, the stronghold and defense of the Engineers. Note the
six towering tombstones in the distance and in the foreground note the funeral urn
wherein lies the ashes of Torts, Contracts, and Common Law. Isn't St. Patrick
a beauty? Wouldn't YOU like to pull its trigger? Wouldn't you?
SEND FOR FREE BOOKLET
"FOUR YEARS WITH THE ENGINEERS"
BOYS, don't stay at home and push the plow. Come to Mis-
souri to the School of Engineering and learn to pull the trigger on
ole St. Patrick . . .pick off a lawyer or two for the sport of it.
WRITE FOR MY FREE BOOKLET "FOUR YEARS WITH
THE ENGINEERS BY GABOONS". It's a scream and is it ever
thrilling? I ask. Learn how to work a slide rule and all that.
You too can become a loyal wearer of the green and maybe by the
time you're a senior, you will have a few notches in your slide rule.
Read of the life and entertainment Engineers have. Read all about
how to make money by becoming a chain carrier on a construction
gang. Read about everything in my new book. It's yours for the
asking. Just write for my free book. (Why is it free? None of
your darned business.) But write anyway, it's the nerts.
(Showme War Correspondent)
"Rivalry is the spice of life"-yes sir,
that is the old Confusing Proverb 1
learned while with the Hung Wons in
Shanghai during the rebellion there. And
you can't keep a good man down, so
I'm told. In my recent book "Across
the Yangtse River with Gaboons" 1
proved that statement when I rescued
Gen. Chiang U. Cant Kashthat Check
from drowning. But this is neither here
nor there. (Of course I'm getting paid
by the word, you fool). You can't tell
me the Engineers aren't preparing for
the next war. Give a look at St. Pat-
rick, the new .75 millimeter pop gun
that stands defiantly aiming its nose
across the Quadrangle right in the direc-
tion of the Law Barn. If that isn't
preparedness, my name isn't Gaboon.
And right here, ladies and geltlemen, let
me tell you that St. Patrick is some
gun! Boy, what it could have done to
the Win Chells at Peking during the
rebellion. And that isn't all. Have you
seen the cadets drilling before the En-
gine Building lately? Isn't that a sure
sign of preparedness? (Don't tell me,
I'm writing this story.) When the
Engineers bring St. Pat into action, hell
will pop loose.
THE ENGINEERING FORTRESS
Here is the Ft. St. Patrick, and is it ever a stronghold?
Note the worm-eaten camaflouge covering part of the
front. And isn't the ambush nifty? Only a loyal
wearer of the green can trespass these grounds. Come
and be an engineer and get to wear corduroy pants
(green ones, too) without giving cause to anyone
snickering at you.
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Nineteen
Boys! oh Boys!
Do You Want to Be a
and Die with your Boots on!
Ever since you were kicked out of the BOY SCOUTS you have been itching to wear a uni-
form. AND DO WE HAVE UNIFORMS? Oh, boy!!! Every color in the rainbow (of course
you have heard of the rainbow division-well, that's we.) We look like a Xmas tree all dressed up
and nowhere to go.
You will want to be A PERISHING RIFLE man. We drill every darn day and what exer-
cise we get. And do the girls go for us when we wear our snappy multi-colored outfit. (We're the
nuts). Squads right, east, west, and north-by-north east. Isn't that music in your ears? Isn't it?
We're KAY-DETS, we are, and when we come to town Oh Boy, just watch out! You've heard the
story about the farmer who yelled to his wife: "Mirandy, bring Sue in the house and lock up the cat,
here comes them KAY-DETS."
Join Today and See the World - Be a Man
"The Almighty Eagle of the Perishing Rifles"
PERISHING RIFLES, Inc.
I want to be a kay-det and a man, too.
Address ........ Age ........
Parents' Signatures ...
Page Twenty THE MISSOURI SHOWME
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-one
(Continued from page 6)
drumer boy in Op Cates band, was the instigator of
the plot and successfully carried it out; his right hand
cronies were ANDY SQUIRES and TUBBY who
played "SOPHIE CLUTTS" and not with a piccolo!
We also wish to congratulate the city police for per-
mitting the affair and we were actually surprised at
their unusually good sense of humor ...
And as space runs short, I'm compelled to close.
Watch for the final issue of the Showme May 23rd
or thereabout, for I may expose myself . . . IF things
permit and I can secure my railroad ticket soon
enough, until then. I remain, your faithful servant,
-THE OBSERVANT MULE.
REGULAR CATARACT OF LODORE
A sufferer who lives close to a railroad yard in
the suburbs wrote the following to the railroad com-
pany complaining about the racket made by a swith
"Gentelemen: Why is it that you switch engine
has to ding and dong, and fizz and spit and bang and
hiss and pant and grate and grind and puff and bump
and chug and hoot and toot and whistle and wheeze
and jar and jerk and howl and snarl and puff and
growl and thump and boom and clash and jolt and
screech and snort and snarl and slam and throb and
roar and rattle and yell and smoke and smell and
shriek like hell all night long?"
The waiter laughed when I spoke to him in
French. No wonder, it was my old prof.
Prof. (during examination) : "Will some gentle-
man who isn't using his text-book be so kind as to
let me have it a few moments?"
Tell them you saw it in The Showme
Miller Riding Equipment
Page Twenty-two THE MISSOURI SHOWME
THE STUDENTS' OPTOMETRIST
DR. G. E. WARD, JR.
O.P. & Observant Mule, Inc.
THE MISSOURI SHOWME Page Twenty-three
L. G. Balfour Company . .............................
Boone County National Bank ..........
Cam el Cigarettes ..............
Chesterfield Cigarettes .....
College Humor ........
Columbian Missourian ......
Co-op Store ......
DeCloud Tiger Hotel Studio ............
Dorn-Cloney Laundry Company ........
Gaebler's Black and Gold Inn .....
Harris' Cafe .......................
House Beautiful .........
Life Saver ..
Miller Riding Equipment .............
Missouri Stores Company ...
Missouri Utilities ...
Tiger Laundry Company ...
Time Service ...
Dr. Ward ...............
It won't be
The time has come (the walrus said)
when Freshmen doff their dinks, soph-
omores and juniors tear off to Europe
and seniors discover whether or not
there is life after college.
Make your last days at school more
pleasant by reading Swizzle-stick,
a novelette by a debutante, which is
as stimulating as the title implies;
Know Your Olympics, an informa-
tive article on the event which holds
the spotlight; and many other fiction
and fact features reflecting all your
high moments. There is rollicking,
panicing humor to cheer your remain-
ing days, in the July issue of