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Showme 1937; undated; Silhouette; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1937

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Showme Lucky Strike Cigarettes CRACK-UP Did you ever hear me crack my fin- gers?" "Don't do it. It gives me the creeps." "You mean this gives you the creeps?" Crack! "Ugh! Yes. Quit it.9" "You mean just a little noise like this ?" Crack! "Cut it out, will you?" "Even the little finger?" Crack! "We-e-1-1, that wasn't so bad. Do it again." "I can't. I can do only three fingers. It makes them sore if I do it more than once." "I said, do it again. All of them. I'm getting to like it." "But I can't . All right, all right! Put that poker d own." Crack! Crack! Crack! "Fine. Once again, now." "But they're be- ginning to swell. "O.K. I'll do it." Crack! " Ouch!" Crack! " Ouch!" Crack! "Ouch!" * "O.K., smart guys, now what?" "IT'S JUST AS GOOD" IF the present tendency towards commercialization of our colleges is to continue, we suggest that the regis- trar's office hire a new set of experts, well-schooled in the technique of chain-store and drug clerks. Result- ing in: Registrar: What can I do for you today, young man .? Student: I need a new schedule. Registrar: Ah! a new schedule! May I suggest some very fine history courses - Modern European, Medie- val, Civil War American--. Student: Y'get any Renaissance? Registrar: But certainly. We have a 'special on Renaissance history this semester. Very fine course. Very snap course. Student: Okay, gimme that. An' I want some English, too-something on Browning. Registrar: Now take my advice, and take this survey course. It has Browning, Tennyson, Arnold, and many others all in one. Much more economical in the long run. Student: Okay. Got any geography ? Registrar: Of course. All the na- tionally advertised courses. But I suggest that you take our own special anthropology course, instead. It's every bit as good, and offered at half the price, because you don't have to pay for advertising and fancy labels. Student: All right. Let's see what else I need . . . Registrar: Or maybe you'd like to look at our specials on complete schedules. Here's one that's selling very well - accounting principles, Shakespeare, marriage 224, the sex- life of the tubercle bacillus and Es- peranto. Twenty-five percent off if you take the special combination schedule. The best professors, and file questions for all exams provided. Student: Never mind. Wrap up two of 'em. My roommate needs a sched- ule, too. Prince Albert Tobacco The Showme Show OVERTURE Off to a new year with colors flying, beer bottles empty, and cigarette butts no end-and did we say just cigarette butts?-- Ask any Greek's opinion of not just one, but of any other "dirty rushing mob." NEW FACES "THE" two hundred and thir- teen "queens" that expressed their check marks for dear old Chi Chi Chi and Pi Pi Pi turned out to be just that-darn near two hundred and thirteen queens. We couldn't spot them all but what we did see was plenty. Old Mizzou has just fallen heir to a delectable bunch of babes and we're repeating "babes." A couple of orchids to MAR- JORIE CHERRY that oh so smooth KITETTE. On second thought two orchids are not really enough.-Will someone kindly page Muellers. The ANCHORGIRLS stole a fine, fine Texan named NAN- ETTE ROUNDTREE . . . She's a fine fixture for the new manse that was played so heavily in LIFE not so many moons ago. BETTY BROWNLEE is go- ing places with her unsophistica- tion for the KAPPA lodge . . . It's so refreshing to meet a really down to earth gal that's so heav- enly and who'll never trip over slight objects in her path. Two cameras could not stand the shock of having the image of JANE FORCE, newest of the new ARROWITES pass through their lenses. Results are indica- tive of this fatal beauty . . . A sister pledge that is going to run JEAN LINDSEY'S fine race with the boys who like them tall, blonde, and so PETTYISH- LY moulded is MARY ELLEN RAYBURN. The ALPHA CHIS are very certain that BILLY ROSE let some fine feminity leave Texas when JEANNE CHAPPEL left Houston for old Mizzou . . A good old Rebel invasion of the White and Red Campii is pre- dicted when that soft speaking miss from South Carolina is loosed by the CHIOS . The name mind you, and you can't help being interested, is MAR- GARET BAILEY . . . DORO- THY THIEMAN is another of similar name and pulchritude that the GAMMAPHIS rate- and how we rate her. SOME, WELL FAIRLY OLD FACES STEWART ROADER CLIFF JONES gave us a fine laugh of the week-he was struggling to take an old sofa to his room in the FIDDLEEFEE house- sems his room needed a work- bench. R H OB O Y JOSE BROWN is still nutz over the KU-MU KAPPA-seems he for- got the CHRISTIAN gal he was pinned to last spring over the summer months . . . BILLY GIBSON and HONEY OHNE- MUS, DU and DDD, still have their beer drinking acquaintance of last spring. . .perhaps by now it's even further advanced. AD LIB That boy CECIL BARGER, AGR, is muchly the man about town in his HOMBURG HAT- reminds us very much of old XI XI ROBBO CASE-Which of course reminds us of ROBBO, THE SPORTSMAN, FIELD AND STREAM, ROD AND REEL, POLO JOE,-BLACK -ROBBO is one BOY OF THE ABBREVIATED PANTS who never changes and remains the same good egg from year to year.-BETA BOY BROOK- FIELD and MARY MEIER, KEYLASSIE are still as thick as thieves. FIRST ONE OF THE YEAR What the KAPPASIGS are looking forward to are some "good five cent cigars"-OLD JOE VINCENT hung his badge on a very lovely STEPHENS GAL by name of JANE PENCE -Seems they wer both summer- ing in Bozeville, Wyoming this past summer and love conquered all-even JOE'S longing for his old gal from home. JUST WHAT DOES PARA- DOXICAL MEAN? 'MILLIE ICE, the THETA, said the KITE girls are seriously thinking of either renting the third floor of the KAPPA HOUSE or else pitch tents on the GOLF COURSE . . . Yes girls, thirty one is sure plenty- One very special THETA-ETT is MARY DAVIDSON-She's a CHRISTIAN product and was pinned to one AGR last spring-- continued on page 11 pare three Editorial Ego We'll vary the usual procedure and NOT welcome the freshmen. You're here and that's all there is to it-if you're in a fraternity or a sorority fine-if you're an independent okay too-it makes no difference to us . . . In fact we don't give much of a damn about you-you'll find that now that rush week is over-nobody gives a damn for you-and it's up to you to make the best of col- lege here . . . Every year a large percentage of the freshman class flunks out-the fraternity is sorry to lose a house bill-your girl has to look around for another sucker-but nobody really minds much about the flunk-outers--- they are alone in their misery - alone with their folks to weep about the spilled milk-evaporat- ed milk at that . . . So that takes care of a few of you freshmen . . . Then most of you will either overdo the social stuff and skim through on grades-or overdo the book stuff and forget society . . . Well-nobody cares much-- you're buttering your bread dur- ing your freshman year and you'll have to lie in it for the next three. A few of you-very few-will balance study and social life neat- ly-and go out for an activity and really work on it . . . We don't care now-nor does any- one else-but it's these few of you about whom people WILL give a damn next year and the year after. . . So you're all in the same boat now-tolerated and only that by the campus . . . A hell of a lot of you will just be tolerated for four years-but a few, a few grand members of your class will go up on the campus . , . And we've never seen a B. M. O. C. yet-- a really B. M. O. C. who didn't have fairly good grades and one girl or more on a string besides havirg an activity. . Think it over. page four MISSOURI SHOWME Editor-Merrill Panitt Business Manager-Thomas Becker Editorial Staff Richard Amper Dick Timmis Harold Sours Randy Rasch Margaret Reeves M usic .Eldon Jones Drama .-.Beth Hodgson Sports . .Paul Hunt Art . . Sybil Business Staff Richard Gorton Editorial Board Joseph Paul Thomas Becker Merrill Panitt Several important additions to both the editorial and business staffs will be announced in the next issue. Puffs We're going to devote this right hand column to our own private likes and dislikes, just to show you people how much fun it is to be an editor- and besides, we ought to get some- thing besides coffee and cake money out of this. . . . To begin with-despite the fact that it's hard to show partiality in things like campus bands-we have to be among the first to salaam and doff our bonnet to Eldon Jones and his boys for working up the best-and we mean best-unit heard on this campus in a long time . . Of course Jones heads the music department of this mag and we're liable to be a bit prejudiced- but the other night the boys got ap- plause-yes, actually applause, on near- ly everything they tried. Hand clap- ping of that appreciative type is prac- tically unheard of here . . And if Jones and the boys can move this crowd to applause-they're good . Not less than ten persons commented to us that the boys should give up this college stuff and head for the big time, be- cause they've got it . . Duck Millard deserves lots of credit too--for realiz- ing that the campus is getting more music-conscious--.and will flock to hear Eldon and the boys take off down at Harris'. Listen especially for "Honey- suckle Rose," "Alice," "John Brown's Body," and "Merry-go-round Broke Down." Johnny Rieck and his boys are at a distinct disadvantage because of the short time they've had for rehearsal- but Johnny promises us-and we be- lieve him-that his boys are really musicians and after a few more weeks of playing together they'll be right up there competing with Jones . . . So all in all, it looks like the band situation in town will be a happy one this year, and at least we'll be able to tromp on the gal's toes in time to good music . . This month's next unpaid puff is dealt out to Alpha Gamma Delta. Those girls have been in the usual sit- uation of a small house being small and generally not much noticed for sever-all years. Suddenly they all got out and really worked, and presto- they got some place . . . They were tired of being called the house next to the Kappa house-and hauled in a crop of pledges that looks as likely as any on the campus . . . and mebbe if the Kappa noses don't lower they'll be known as the house next to the A. G. D. house . Notice especially A. G. D. pledges Dorothy Chynoweth, Dorothy Coarde, and Helen Seever . . As sort of an apology for the dirty crack above-the one at the Kappas -we want to join the rest of the cam- pus in kicking ourselves for our atti- tude last year, toward Kappa Savitar Editor Fuqua . . . After the political mess last year we said she wouldn't be wuth a thing as an editor along with some other things. . We take it all back-that Savitar dummy is fine- and it'll be a better book than those we've had for the last five years . Fuqua surprised us, lowered her voice a bit, took on some more charm, and along with Business Mangler Glenn is turning out a more-than-good piece of work. We didn't think it, but sororities at Stephens are taken quite as seriously there as on the M. U. campus . . . They boost the girls in activities, posi- tions and the like, and strangely enough, stick together a bit better than the gals on this side of town. Their rush week starts Thursday-and ac- cording to the best dope-Sigma Iota Chi will grab off the best fillies . . NEWS ITEM * Dean Stephens addresses freshman convocation:-"You should put in two hours of study for each hour of subject. Fifteen credit hours would require thirty hours of study a week, totalling forty-five hours of school work. There are 168 hours in a week and 45 from 168 leaves 123 hours for sleeping and so forth." I always spend four minutes on The undies of the day. I take a bath each evening to Avoid the odor way. My teeth have just that pearly sheen You get with three days test- My hair is never out of place- I always look my best My lips don't have that painted look- My perfume doesn't crash- My family has influence And quite a lot of cash. I'm what they all are looking for- But, woe, I cannot see Just where I am to find a man Who's good enough for me. M. R. STUFFED SUIT o "He looked up from checking the roll and there she stood." YOU'VE seen him before. There's one "best dressed man" at every university. At Mentor University he was Carl Gilson, assistant professor of the humani- ties. Eight years before, he had come down to the university, named to an obscure mid-year appointment as instructor, fresh from Chicago with shiny seams, frayed pocket edges and a master's. He was always spotlessly dressed. His seams may have been shiny and his pockets frayed, but his trousers were always pressed and no stains soiled his vestment. Eight years he fought his way upward. None of his students knew or cared that he was put- ting a sister through his univer- sity. All they knew was that he lectured interestingly and was a good scout about grades. pare six His sister finished college and an assistant professorship came his way. He became more af- fluent and his clothes improved. He tossed them away when they became baggy at the knees or shiny in the seat. Each fall his appearance became more quietly correct. Once someone noticed a swank Fifth Avenue label in his coat. One summer he went abroad and came back with new tweeds. His lecture room style became more brilliant, his demeanor ir- reproachable. He took on more self-assurance. Students admired his poise, respected his learning, imitated his detachment and de- spaired of attaining his tailored air. Registration filled his courses early. They became known as snaps because he was easy on grades. Among the girls he was popular. They looked on his tailored perfection and thought him the solution to the problem of what to do after college. But he never tumbled. His reputation slowly grew, his polish became more glossy until one day he heard himself re- ferred to as the "best dressed member of the faculty." He had never particularly thought of himself as that. He had always let himself be guided by his unerring sense of good taste. Next morning, over coffee in his restaurant, a newspaper called him "the well-bred Profes- sor Gilson." After that he nurtured this rep- utation. While his suits may have been one or two years old they were the kind that are sup- posed to be mellowed by wear, and he wore them with the air of a man born to wear fine things. Then, three weeks after the winter term opened, something disturbing interrupted his well- clothed existence. He found her in front of the desk from which he was about to begin his lecture. The desk was on a low platform such as they build in the front of lecture rooms, and her head was level with his. He looked up from checking the roll and there she stood. "Dr. Gilson," (he still had to write his thesis), she began, "I need three hours more credit and this is the only course I can take at this hour. It fits my require- ments and the Dean said I could take it if you'd let me enter." "But Miss . ." the title hung in the air, an interrogation. "Sandifer," she supplied and hurried on. "Please let me enter. You see, I've got to have three more hours if I'm to graduate in June and this is the only thing I can take." "But Miss Sandifer," he ex- plained gravely, "my section is full. I have thirty-five students now. Surely you can find another course that would do." "That's just it. There isn't any other course that fits in." By Harold Sours "Well, sit down somewhere for the present and come to see me this afternoon in Longwood Hall. I have office hours there from 2 to 3:30. We'll see then if we can fit you in." She tok a seat in the rear of the room. His lecture, one he had delivered a hundred times before, rolled from his lips for the first ten minutes. Then he noticed her sitting, looking at him. Without any apparent cause, he felt that he couldn't go on. He had forgotten every- thing. His mind was a hazy blank. So he dismissed them forty minutes early and went to lunch very puzzled. "Bennett," he asked a friend over the lunch table, "has such a thing ever happened to you?" and he related the sequence of events. The other looked at him hu- morously and replied: "You mean you don't know what happened?" "No. Do you?" "Oh, I suspect I can guess what it is, but I'll let you figure it out for yourself." The look Bennett gave him made him ponder as he walked to his apartment. His step was unhurried and measured as al- ways. His brow wrinkled in per- plexity. Just as he entered his orderly living-room the solution to his bewilderment hit him with a force he couldn't deny. He stopped, whistled. "God! That's it! I'm in love." The idea was ridiculous. Love at first sight! And to him! He rejected the idea. He dismissed the thought as absurd, but it kept recurring, each time more strong- That must be it, he decided reluctantly. Why, he could re- member her gray eyes, a brown wisp of hair curling from the brim of a modish hat, the irregu- lar nose ,the heavy but sculptured chin and the firm, well-rouged lips. A good-enough catalogue. What else could it be but that, he thought, when he remembered her attributes so readily. The girl hadn't stood before him a half a minute. He sat down at his office desk as a knock sounded at the door. He had been pacing the floor for half-an-hour. He thought this over. It was something new. New and not altogether welcome. He reviewed his life. The last few years had been pleasant. A cheery apartment, well educated friends, though few of them, good conversation, an occasional cock- tail with companions, good books, his well-ordered routine of study and teaching, his orderly office. He compared the lives of his associates as he'd seen them. There was Bennett, married, two kids, barely scratching along. No dignity, no, car, no good clothes, and always looking as though he'd pressed his trousers in the kitchen with a flatiron, shiny at the seams and elbows. Ragwin, his friend who taught mathematics, was lit- tle better off. Stains on his trou- sers, frayed at the pockets, collars always saw-edged, strings hang- ing from his shirt cuffs. A shabby home on faculty row where the lesser lights rented furnished houses with, perhaps, a couple of student roomers. Lawns to mow, ashes to take out. The repeated knock roused him. "Come in," he called. He knew who it was before the door opened. There she stood, just as he'd imagined her a moment ago. "Miss Sandifer," he told her when her well-remembered fea- tures confronted him across the desk, "I've thought the whole thing over and there's really no room for you in my section." "But . . ." she protested. Then, sensing finality, she turned. "I'm sorry, no room . . . no room." The door closed softly behind her. Liberte, Egalite, Sororite -OR LOVE CONQUERS ALL He was a poverty-stricken plug- ger from Peoria. She was a hot- house high-hatter from Hialeah. He was a house-boy at the Al- falfa Alpha Sorority house. She was the sorority president. It was love at first sight, but they realized, they did, that they were not for each other. Many were the dresses she ruined with salt tears which she could not halt, when a trembling hand would place a bowl of al- phabet soup before her with "I love you" spelled out on the brim, or a pink hand (pink from unac- customed dish-washing) would set before her a bowl of celery with the leaves trimmed to re- semble hearts. He slept in the cellar while she reclined in downy comfort in her gabled, second-floor room. She was Cleopatra; he was a galley- slave. She was Marie Antoinette; he was a lackey. She was Bar- bara Hutton; he was a Bronx bootblack. She was the Norman- die; he was a garbage barge. She was Guinevere; he was a scullery knave. She was Garbo; he was a prop boy. "I can't stand it any longer," he told her one day as he chucked away the last dish. "Why?" she asked. "Is it be- cause . . . because . . . you love me?" "Yes. But we can never have each other. It is best. I love you, but I must, and can, make the sacrifice." "But I love you, too, Eustace, and will marry you, in spite of hell and a malicious system of class distinction that has survived the middle ages and has continued even unto our own day and coun- try, fettering the world with its shackles of prejudice, destroying love, promulgating hate. This is a free country. This is a new day. This is a democracy. This is America!" pagre *even Music One question that has proved unanswerable to musicians since time immemorial is the difference between music; black and white. The fact is that anyone with a fair ear can immediately discern a difference in the intonation of a good colored band from an equally good white combo yet an exact and accurate definition of that difference cannot be set forth. Screaming brass, screwy tones and peculiar chord progres- sions are the thoughts generally associated with "jig" musicians, but in refutation of this argument is the fact that some of the sweet- est tunes- have been written by Duke Ellington, Andy Kirk and Father (the Earl of) Hines. Proving that the audience does enjoy the more or less subtle dif- ference in modern sweet swing of the black man, Andy Kirk, whose band originated in Kan- sas City and who has played sev- eral times in Columbia, has climbed to an enviable position this past summer and is now the leading attraction in the line of colored entertainment. On tour at the present time he is pulling crowds in a manner that would be pleasing to any of the top white bands. And while we're on the subject of Andy Kirk it should be men- tioned that Mary Lou Williams, his piano player, is responsible for the greater part of his ar- rangements-both sweet and swing. Her latest accomplish- ment is "Roll 'Em" which she wrote and arranged for Benny Goodman to record and which is his best since "Blue Skies." pafhe eithi Harry James, co - writer of "Peckin' ", and formerly with Ben Pollack, does a trumpet chorus that just won't stop. The answer to a swing fan's dream is the Saturday night swing session piped out over CBS from the New York studios. Artists featured are most of the currently popular swingsters and new tal- ent is scouted between sessions. Don't be surprised to, hear them swing on everything from an E- flat tie clasp to a B-flat cream separator. Here are some briefs on some of the best record releases of the month. Hal Kemp scores with "Stop, You're Breaking My Heart" featuring Skinny Ennis. The other side of the disc shows off Bob Allen singing "Whispers in the Dark." Bob Crosby dis- plays plenty of Corn in his re- cording of "The Old Spinning Wheel" and "Gin Mill Blues" is his top record in the new style he has so cleverly introduced. Tommy Dorsey has made some fine records and deserves credit, but the more legit musicians prob- ably cannot see his idea in mak- ing swing arrangements on so many of the old favorite melodies. His recording of "Our Penthouse on Third Avenue" and "Posin" should not be overlooked. "Red" Nichols seems to be making a comeback in his record on "Hu- moresque" and "0 Solo Mio," which seems to be the stuff. Several people have asked about my old drummer, Billie Smith. For your information, Billie was doing studio work from the radio station in Houston, Texas the last time I heard from him, but since that time word has reached me that he joined "Red" Nichols to do most of his vocal work and hold down the drum job in the rhythm section. In variance with the established routine of an organized combo in the local jelly spots, a plan is under way to supplement the en- tertainment with a regular week- ly jam session. This session will not be limited to, orchestra mem- bers, but will be open to any mu- sician who wants to sit in and take off. DO YOU KNOW YOUR CAMPUS? 1. Memorial Tower is: a. A memorial. b. An outstanding example of Gothic architecture. c. A pigeon roost. 2. Jesse Hall is: a. Mr. Jesse's old homestead. b. A jelly joint. c. A new Stephens dormi- tory. 3. Mary McKee is: a. The real name of Greta Garbo. b. The first woman house- painter in Denver, Colo. c. Shakespeare's first wife. 4. A Kappa is: - a. A drink made of one jig- ger cream, one jigger creme de cacao, and one jigger dry gin. b. Your first blind date. c. A sort of foundation gar- ment. 5. The journalism lions are: a. Stone. b. Old. c. No gentlemen. Several Saucy Sisters in Search of A Strike. "Every word I utter in my newspaper experiences is really social propoganda," says Little Orphan Annie, "But I am too subtle to come outright with my social implications. Bust of Mary Anne Finck- lestein, unveiled amidst many oaths in Union Square, 1936. After her de- but in Minsky's Burlesque, Mary Anne later had her face lifted and changed her last name to Davieees and went into the cinema at a $$$$$ salary. It has been whispered since, in the best social-minded sets, that she contributed huge sums monthly to aid the Cali- fornia Lemon Strikers. Quoted in "Screen Mush- ings" in an article entitled, THE REAL REAL REAL ME, Marion said, "I am tired, devastatingly but utterly tired, of seeing the Lemon Strikers squeezed to death by the- (It was probably darn, but you know how the movie maga- zines have to watch them- selves.) capitalists." She then turned her back on thirty-nine interviewers and retired to her orchid hothouse to brood. Gypsy Stripsy Lee during her famous fanny dance at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1901. Ousted by a com- mittee of Y. M. C. A. men, who, apparently, didn't ap- preciate her twisting to the left nor the right, for that matter, Gypsy Stripsy sought refuge in a Cracker and Candy Factory. It was here while wrapping OH- BOY-HOW-UMM-YUMM Y U M M-GOODIE Bars that she became aware of the working class. The ma- chines were whizzed and speed up until by evening, Gypsy Stripsy had delu- sions that the time clock was chocolate covered and was punching right back at her. Her head high, ptsae nIMe Fanny Filbert of the Bronx has something for Mr. Hearst--and it isn't a midget for his knee. When questioned for her radical actions, Fan- ny said, "Why that - - - Hearst. I'd like to break his lousy neck. He spelled my name wrong in his -- old papers. Possession Is Nine Tenths By C. C. CONDON The girl wanted to be possessed. She was. But one-tenth of love proved greater than nine-tenths possession. It happened to her. It can happen to you. Maebelle was no amateur at dating, and she just couldn't stand those guys who on taking her to the door would shift uneasily and ask timidly, "May I kiss you good night ?" "Of course not," she would say with a brutal finality which would crush the guy but which Maebelle thought he properly deserved for being so dumb. She was really a pushover for a smoothie who would look deep- ly at her with that dominating, possessive, and meaningful gleam in his eye. The drawing room caveman was her downfall. And she fancied the shy, respectful, woman-worshiping, perfect little gentlemen about as much as an hour quiz in zoology. She didn't want to be put on a pedestal to freeze; she wanted to be yanked down and be possessed. That was why she said, "Of course not," when Horace meekly asked if he might kiss her good- night and why she quickly thanked him and closed the door even though it was an hour before men had to leave the sorority house. Horace turned into the night, feeling all the pains that go with unrequited love. For Horace loved Maebelle with all the devotion and all the intensity that any man ever loved any woman. His love was no less than Romeo's for Juliet, but he was inarticulate. He felt rather than spoke his adoration. And so his love was tragic. Bob was different. He didn't have to ask if he might kiss her, because he knew when, and more than that, how. When Horace left, Maebelle kept her late date with Bob. She »pae ten knew the unfairness of the late date, but what ever effront it might be to others, it was worth the consequences. Bob sat next to her on the soft couch. They were close to each other, their heads almost touch- ing. He turned and kissed her hair tenderly. When she looked up, he looked at her longingly, and slowly, almost imperceptibly, moved his head toward her lips. She did not draw back. So he continued in his studied, practiced manner. A slight space sepa- rated their lips, and Bob stopped. It was a cataleptic, teasing halt that keyed anticipation. Then lightly their lips touched. Then he drew her close to him and held her tightly. Here was the master at work. The collegiate Casanova. But where was Horace? At this moment, he was outside the door. His patient subservi- ence, his humble worship of Mae- belle became too oppressive. He suspected she had a late date and felt, at last, that he was being treated unfairly. He didn't stop to think that he might be ending his friendship with Maebelle by his assertion. And so he walked into the house without knocking. Mae- belle saw him and jumped up. Bob pushed back a lock of hair and lit a cigarette. "Well, of all the nerve," she said. Horace stood like a dead tree. Any vindication he originally felt turned quickly to abject remorse when he saw and heard her. "I-I-I'm sorry," he muttered. "Get out of here, and I never want to see you again," Maebelle screamed. "But I love you," he said. "I came back because I had to. I can't help what you think of me now. I only know that I love you.)' "I never want to see you again," she bellowed. "Will you kindly leave ?" Horace looked about wildly, forlornly, and futilely. Then he walked out into the night again, more miserable than he had ever been before. He sat down on the curb at the corner and sank his head into his hands. "The idea," Maebelle said, com- ing back to Bob, who extin- guished the cigarette and raised his eyebrows indifferently. "Why can't he be like you," she asked. Bob pulled her to him again, kissed her, and said, "Oh, he'll be all right. He still takes things seriously." Maebelle drew away in puzzled surprise. "Don't you?" she said. "You mean love?" he asked. "Yes, love. Us." "Why of course I take you se- riously," but his avowal had a tin ring. Then he said quickly, "Why you know I do." But Maebelle wasn't so sure. "Oh, come on," Bob said. "Let's continue where we left off." Maebelle drew further away, a conviction growing within her. "Well, if you want to sit over there and twiddle your thumbs, okay," Bob said. "Inasmuch as I can't think of an intellectual sub- ject to discuss at the moment, I think I'll go. If you take a guy who busts in on you as Horace did so seriously, and if you take me seriously and want to. raise a rumpus about it, I don't want to stick around to see it. Phone me if you change your mind." Maebelle wasn't one to become melodramatic about spurned love, particularly when she blamed her- self for being deluded. But she felt she was going to cry, so she went out on the porch. She saw Horace sitting deject- continued on page 11 SHOWME SHOW (Continued) he was oh so. protectinglike with her and we never did rate an in- troduction but we got it the other night and we're plenty glad - especially since there's no jew- elry in the way now. ARROWS FROM THE QUIVER STEVIE STEVENSON would very much like to meet KENNY TAYLOR, STEWART ROAD- ER-KENNY lets us in on the know and says he's thinking about dating this year so good luck STEVIE-MM NOBLE, who so resembles the DUCHESS OF WINDSOR is free from BILLY BATES, PHI SIGH, at least at this writing but we hear that hearts still throb-RUTH KEN- YON is seriously thinking of showing her little (and very sweet) sister to all her sister recognize them especially when she's in GAEBLERS and with some KAPPASIGS. pledges-Seems MABLE fails to SHOTS IN THE DARK . . . JACK MANNING, polo play- er and KAPPA man, found crawl- ing into that house in the small hours looking for NICHOLS to tell her something or other and BIRDIE SCOTT, KAPPA guardian, a little huffy about it all. BOB GLENN, the only uncon- tested person on the Savitar wak- ing up in a different bed and not recognizing his roommate in a nightgown or was it his room- mate? MARY ALICE MESSERLY, Pi Phi pledge, might take the advice that she not use her for- mer A. C. tactics and maybe she'll become another Carolyn Collier. The new D. G. doll, JEANNE TYLER, looks like big queen material. The Show hopes she won't go too college about it what with beauty and a strong political body behind her. ALPHA CHI WHITE is still probably the nicest looking in that house or many others. Summer school was a session with the D. U. breakfast club. GIBSON and KING of that house met with numerous women for coffee and rolls evry dawn after nights of study. Rumor has it MISS McKEE, beloved dean of young woman- hood, is going to limit the stag lines at the parties the girls give this winter. Maybe she's been caught in one of those tussles and ruined a good pair of silk stockings. School again brings to mind the end of second semester last year with all those off the record parties in the men's club houses. They were very lavish but the decorations took a beating and the bands played too loud for any worthwhile dancing. One house put on that old thriller, "Ten Nights in a Barroom," with half the sororities playing Little Nell, and as far as anyone knows the dolls enjoyed it immensely and are just waiting until the end of second semester. POSSESSION IS NINE- TENTHS (Continued) edly on the curb at the corner. "Horace," she cried, a sudden realization of something real and honest and fine in him dispelling the misery that Bob induced. Horace turned around, arose, continued on page 24 drama Charm (with apologies to Shakespeare) is the ultimate goal of the modern Miss. And charm- ing is the word for Maude Adams, Stephens' new dramatic head. Her irresistable personal appeal made her famous on two, contin- ents not so many years ago when she played her way into the heart of her every audience as the care- free, prankful Petr Pan. She'll arrive in time to start to work by the first of October. At present her contract calls for her pres- ence here two months, but it may be changed for a longer time ac- cording to President Wood. And while Maude Adams is busy getting the Stephens girls in trim, over at the University they will be teaching the ladies how to boost their future hus- bands into the presidential chair. Workshop starts the season off with "First Lady," a play written by George Kaufman and a former woman Washington correspond- ent. It's based on the famed Alice Longworth-Dolly Gann feud. They will follow up with "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen, a play about a mother who had a husband and her four daughters who wanted them. Their philosophy of life was, "any single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." And those women didn't merely think, they acted. "The Petrified Forest," Broadway fav- orite and film vehicle for Leslie Howard, is the third play for the University. The fourth play of the season, James Barrie's "Dear Brutus" is famous for the fact that the curtain is to be pulled page twelve so steathily that if there were a, mouse on the stage, it would still be there when the play be- gins. That's a big order for Workshop technicians when you consider the equipment o-f Jesse Auditorium-and the mice. All of Stephens activities won't center around Maude Adams. Ross and Mortenson will present their regular schedule of plays with the addition of one more. And not to let the University get ahead of them with their new sceneshop, Stephens dramatic de- partment put their carpenters to work to enlarge their scenebuild- ing headquarters. Speaking of new equipment, the University sceneshop has a cement trench intended for use in painting scenery. It's deep enough to resemble Lovers' Leap but there will be no smooching at the brink of this precipice, rules Sully, Workshop's slave-driving technical director. Christian College doesn't an- nounce its schedule of plays in advance, but they'll manage to have their say before the year is up. Just as Workshop thought it was going down for the third time this fall with all its officers fail- continued on page 23 0 We haven't been able to get mother off the couch since Catherine Cornell passed through here in "The Barretts" two years ago. DAIRY OF CUBAN STUDENT Mon.-Paraded for three hours today. Shot three police- men. Three hits out of five tries. Nice work. University opens today. Registered. Tue.-Fought dirty Capitalists this morning. Spinach for lunch again. Fought Communist strikers this afternoon. Nice blonde sits next to me in Physics. Wed.-Blonde has brains. Helped hatch plot to murder Mayor and shut off city water supply for two or three days. Spinach for lunch again today. Later-Physics prof sprung quiz; didn't have time to murder Mayor-dumped typhoid germs in water instead. Thur.-Shot at four dirty Capitalists this morning. Missed three. Aim getting bad. That damned Physics Pro- fessor is making me nervous. Spinach for lunch again. Shot cook. Got syllabus fee-$10. Went to see accountant about it. Accountant got snooty. Beat up accountant. Went to see Prexy about syllabus fee. Said I had to pay it. Lousy day. Fri.-Wrote note to Board of Trustees, warning them to hunt for new President of the University, as we are going to shoot this one. Saw Physics prof with blonde this after- noon. Sat.-Decided not to shoot President. Lynched him in- stead. Blonde and Physics prof had date last night. Blonde said she had to go or he'd flunk her. Later-Blonde drink- ing coffee with Physics prof in the Greasy Spoon. Later- Bombed Physics prof's house. Later - Physics prof not home yet. Sun.-Nothing to do . . . things pretty quiet. Went down and derailed three street cars. Started riot. Shot Physics prof. Will teach class-and blonde-myself. Small Boy: What is college bred, pop ? Father: College bread is a four-year loaf made from the flavor of youth, and the dough of old age." * "I just came to see my friend off." Impatient Diner: Hey, waiter, hey- Waiter: All right sir, but we'll have to send out for it. Professor (to engineering class) : What is a dry dock? Student: A physician who won't give a prescription. * Father (to young son) : When Abe Lincoln was your .ge, he was making his own living. Son: Yes, and when he was your age, he was president. Young Coed: Oh, dad, I've just discovered that the girl who sits next to me in Bio. has a hat exactly like mine. Father: So I suppose you want me to buy a new one? Coed: Well, darling, that would be cheaper than changing schools. CLOTHES Well the fall is here at last. I just saw a Scotchman throw away his Christmas tree. With everybody re- turning to school, it isn't any wonder we are all worried about clothes. Everybody will soon be walking around the campus with their new fall suits, that is everybody but me. But I expect to have some new clothes soon, as I just received a letter from my tailor saying that if I don't pay him soon for the overcoat I bought last winter he is going to bring suit. I always felt that the best tailor was nothing more than a sew and sew. Naturally, we are all interested in what the smart young man will wear. To begin with, one of the most impor- should be worn, with corn a yellow tie and with mashed potatoes, I like salt and pepper. Tan shoes go well with coffee but for drinking I prefer crullers. This idea of wearing clothes to match your dinner does not apply to everyone as some people look well in everything they eat. You should be careful about buy- ing a suit. A man should wear a suit that fits his build. Many wives and sweethearts pick their man's suits. Most wives, though, only pick the pockets. Smart tailors not only change the design of suits, but also change the style of the pockets from time to time. But this year owing to the times and the cost of all the books I've had to buy, there will be very little change in my pockets. In * "The stiff bosom shirt is just a straight jacket that has worked its way into society." have them back by twelve o'clock. And now something about the busi- ness suit. Some men call their Tuxe- dos their business suits - but, of course, that's another kind of busi- ness, monkey business. I do know that there can be a great deal of saving if a man will give a little more consideration and thought to his dress. For example, if you hap- pen to know that you are going to have roast beef with brown gravy for dinner, I would suggest a dark brown suit. This does away with the fear of spilling the gravy in your lap. Side dishes should also be taken into con- sideration. With spinach a green tie * "The pants have to be so tight, you're afraid to sit down and ashamed to stand up." tant suits in a young man's wardrobe is the Tuxedo. I might add here that no man is properly dressed unless he is uncomfortable. A stiff bosom shirt is just a straight jacket that has worked its way into society. The trousers have to be so tight that you are ashamed to stand up and afraid to sit down. You are supposed to wear a white collar and a black tie, but by the time you are through fix- ing your tie, they are both black. Most of the Tuxedos worn today are known as Cinderella suits as you have to * "When eating corn wear a yellow tie to match" fact as far as I am concerned, I don't see why they make pockets at all; I haven't used mine in six months. As for the women's clothes. I have often been asked whether I didn't pre- fer the shorter dresses to the present longer ones. It really makes no differ- ence to me as I've got a good mem- ory. I do feel however that men have one advantage over women when it comes to clothes. They at least have something to discard when the warm weather comes around. They say a woman should wear clothes to fit her particular personality. However I was out with a girl who had no personal- ity and wasn't very particular. Clothes makes the man, but it takes a woman to do one. * "A wife picking her husband's suit (and his pocket at the same time)." Chesterfield Cigarettes Beech-Nut Gum HOW TO READ A COLLEGE NEWSPAPER These instructions on how to de- cipher, properly, the meanings in- tended by any undergraduate news- paper, are the fruits of two years of intensive effort. To be effective, they must be adhered to studiously, or else . . , ! 1. Pay absolutely no attention to the headlines; they have nothing to do with the stories. and are only the random thoughts of the men on is- sue. Just disregard them. 2. If you want a bit of real, timely news, which is no more than two days old, look on the last page, lower left hand corner. It will be concealed in some insignificant bit of advertising copy, but don't let that fool you. 3. Every news story is to be read by beginning at the third line; that is really the first line. Then go back to the top line; that is the second line; under that you will find the third line. Using this system, read all the way down the column, if you can. 4. Graciously and calmly ignore all peculiar words, relegating them to linotyper's ingenuity, and proofread- er's hangover. 5. Kindly allow for the fact that all sports stories are at least five days old, and sixty-five percent erropeous. If you must read these columns, just take in the opening paragraph; the remainder of the story is only elabo- ration, mere paraphrasing in novel fashion. 6. All names are invariably mis- spelled as a matter of routine bvsi- ness, especially if it is your own. Even the editor's name is distorted into some unrecognizable monstrosity. What chance has yours? 7. If a story you are reading ends abruptly at the bottom of the page, forget it. That's the end of that news tidbit! 8. Never rely on the date given at the top of the page. It's wrong! "How did you get the truth from reading Henry's letter?" "I read between the lyin's." Now is the time to see if you're a successful dater. Mark an X if your answer to a question is "yes". If it's "no-- give yourself a O. Count five points for each X. If your score is 20, then you may consider yourself nor- mal. If it's a hundred or near that-GIVE UP! ! ! 1-(boy) Do you try again after being turned down on a date twice? (girl) Do you refuse a boy a date on principle when he first asks? 2-Do you try to kiss or be kissed on the first date--in spite of the fact that you're sure it's "lurve at first sight"? 3-Are you affected on your first date with a person? 4-After you've reached the kissing stage do you forget that there are other forms of amusement?. (movies--jelly- ing?) 5-Do. you profess love at any and all times to ease your own conscience? 6-Do you slurp ? (yawn while osculating?) 7-Do you breathe like a wind- ed whale in the clinches? 8-Are you an ear-blower-inner? Are you a hickey distributor? 9-Do you boast of your con- quests to the boys (or the girls) back at the house? 10-Do you use the same line on more than one person in a house? 11-Do you forbid freshmen to date your women (or men)? 12-Do you make conquests to test your skill and not be- cause you're particularly in- tested in the victim? 13-Do you date a person merely to "be seen" with him or her ? 14--Are you a professional life of the party? 15--Do you accept dates with just anybody rather than stay home? page seventeen SHOWME GOES By Stanley THE WELL OF LONELINESS-Or How Far Is It to the Well? The fruit of frustration, this mural was painted on a bench in Central Park by Joy O'Jitterish, an almond dipper in a large Eastern Candy Factory. "I did it with my left hand," explained Miss O'Jitterish. "I also dip chocolates with my left hand," she further added. Psychiatrists have come to the conclusion that Miss O'Jitterish painted the picture at the same time she was dipping chocolates. Besides painting, Miss O'Jitterish collects first editions. She has the larg- est collection of sex books on hand in America. "But," she said, taking the hand of our inquiring reporter, "Where does it get me?" In his haste at catching the nearest street-car, our correspond- ent forgot to take a look at Miss O'Jitterish's fur- lined tongue, which she claims should have won first prize at the Sioux City Surrealism Exhibit. I BELIEVE I'VE GOT SOMETHING THERE---Or Flesh and Bread and Butter. By Charlie Chaparral, Public Table Cloth Artist Num- ber One. Last year, Mr. Chaparral drew upl a petition for New York restaurants to substitute indelible pencils for mashed okra on the Blue Plate Special. Mr. Chaparral is a rapid worker. He has been known to cover an entire table cloth before the shrimp cocktail has been whisked away by the waiter. New York chefs, in a stew, complained recently, accusing Mr. Chaparrall of not giving them enough time to let the meat get cold before it was served. The above reproduction was cre- ated in a Harlem cabaret when Mr. Chaparral was explaining to a friend, male, of course, the way to the men's room. pasge eighteen SURREALISTIC Patton SOMEDAY THEY'LL DRAG THE RIVER FOR MY BODY-Or If You Don't Like This Country Why Don't You Go Back Where You Came From. This surrealist study was sketched by Professor Horace Smells of the College of the City of Omps, Virginia. His students, toasting him as the Daddy of the Dadaists, recently proclaimed a two-weeks holiday in the honor of his art. Pro- fessor Smells" ideas for painting come to him about three o'clock in the morning while he is sound asleep. His wife, without wakening him, puts a paint brush in his hand and simply lets him go at it. "Isn't he wonderful," Mrs. Smells said, "He's completely unconscious." Some of Profes- sor Smells's most subtle compositions have been done on pillow cases. "I just wish you could see my night gown," said Mrs. Smells. "But, darling," the professor interrupted, "I sent your night gown to the art museum last week." "My Goodness," Mrs. Smells exclaimed, "I thought I'd felt a draft." I LOVE A MARRIED MAN-Or Desire Under the Elevated. A bit of fantasy, this water- color was painted by Alfretta Algers, a child of twelve-or maybe it was twelve children. This deep study of the surreal mind was discovered by Abraham Clutsky in a trunk in an attic in the Bronx. Clutsky offered the Alger family seventy- five cents for the trunk. He later sold the above picture found in the trunk to the American Mu- seum of Modern Art for one dollar and seventy- five cents. "A clear profit," Clutsky pointed out to our reporter. The Museum officials were aston- ished to learn that the philosophical study of whimsey was painted in the botom of the trunk by the talented twelve year old child. Clutsky was even further astonished to learn that the child was still in the trunk when he purchased it. "She goes with the trunk," said Father Algers, refusing to buy back the trunk for fifty cents flat. 'page nineteen SPORTS By PAUL HUNT One fall day back in 1935 a somewhat bewildered University of Missouri football team called time out and sunk to the ground behind their line of scrimmage for a breather. Warily, they eyed a strong Uni- versity of Colorado team that had scored on the Tigers within five minutes after the first quar- ter had begun. Things were look- ing bad. The Tiger defense was as lacking as a keg of Brew at a Prohibitionist meeting. Up in the stands, the Alumni groans could be heard clear out to Mt. Oread and on up in the press box, sports writers were well on the way toward predict- ing another football depression year for Old Mizzou. What happened during that brief time out is known to but a few but whatever it was, it lifted Missouri from the short end of the score and when the final gun was fired, Missouri had not only come back to win but also sound- ed a warning to their Big Six mates that the Bengals were no longer anybody's gridiron meat. For the rest of that season, Mis- souri was tough. Last fall, they were twice as tough and ended up the annual banner chase in sec- ond place. And now, with the approach of the 1937 season-well look out Nebraska. When Coach Don Faurot sounded the call late in the sum- mer for his squad to assemble September 10 to open the season campaign, 24 letter men along with 36 other hard - playing huskies responded. A glance at some of the men who are on hand to blast the Big Six myth that Nebraska is invincible seems to fully justify Coach Faurot's belief that he really has some- thing this year. At the center post, Hooty Bet- ty, an All-Conference center on many selections, will be back for the annual wars. Two other able pate twenty ball snappers, Doer and Hamann, will be on hand to step into the breach whenever needed. Captain Maury Kirk tops the list of the best lot of guards old Mizzou has seen in many a day. Curt Bogash, the Beau Brummel of the Bengal traveling squad; Mike English, and B. D. Simon will team with Kirk or alternate with him to give all comers a headache. The Tiger tackles would be a treat to any coach's eye. Big Frank Heidel, a 215 pound lad, and Godfried Rau, who tips the beams at 227 will be the starting players in the two tackle berths. Another steam- rolling pair are Ty Kolb, one of the fastest men on the squad, and Shanty Hogan, the pride of St. Louis. Faurot has them two deep out on the wings, too. Missouri fans don't have to be told about Clyde Nelson who is as hard to get around as an out-of-state fee. Les Pieper, known affectiontely by his mates as "Peep, the Jeep," is aother boy that Big Six backs might just as well mark down on their gridiron maps as a plenty rough road. Fred Dickenson, a former Independence player, should see plenty of starting ac- tion. Both Gurley and Moss, "the Hoss" will be in there a lot of the time and ball carriers with end run ambitions will be seeing a lot of these boys. Back in the backfield, where the annual sheepskin parade took its worst toll, the Bengals will probably build their club around Heinie Mahley and veteran full- back Harry Mason. Along with these boys there is smashing Stan Mondala, the one man gang, Don Johnson whose sixty-some odd yard run against Colorado back in the gloomy days of early 1'935 started the Tigers on the upward trail, Jack Kennison, a reformed lineman who now sees his action as blocking back, and Art Mur- ray, Faurot's utility man and an all around athlete in his own right. Bolstering this select circle will be Passing Pete Ewing, the aerial circus star of several games last year who polished off his ability in Spring practice. Bill Ame- lung, on the sidelines all last sea- son with a bad knee, is back in form and when the Tigers take to the air, he also should be out- standing. Should this avalanche of beef not be enough to convince Big Six and non-conference foes alike that they can't persuade the Ti- ger defense into letting them by, a likely crop of last year's fresh- men will be on tap. Such men as Clay Cooper, of the athletically prominent Cooper family, and Bob Faurot will lend speed to Tiger maneuvers. Haas, a big tackle, who creaks a chair at 206 should stand out in the line like a spot light in lovers' lane. These, of course, are only a few of the men who will see action this fall. Coach Faurot has capa- ble men in the other positions and will use them in his well known mass troop movement toward the title. As for a season prediction- well, we said it once. Look out, Nebraska. Not that Missouri will merely have to walk out on the field at the rest of the games to chalk up a game on their asset column because all the games will be tough. But from where we sit, the Iowa State Cyclone is a zephyr this year, the Kansas State Wildcats are in for a taming, the Oklahoma boys will be tough but beatable, the gents from Mt. Oread are in for a worse drub- bing than last year, and Nebraska can figure on one damn tough ball game when they hit Colum- bia. . The Cornhuskers, with a new ringmaster, will be handicapped because of that very reason. Biff Jones will have to handle an un- familiar setup while Faurot has been building for this year since he took over the driver's seat of the Bengal gridiron machine in 1934. The two St. Louis schools should go by the board as should the opener with Colorado. The U. C. L. A. game is still too far off and any predictions on that game will have to come when it is known how the Bengals come through their tough season's schedule in the way of injuries. All in all, the Bengals have a big, tough, experienced, well bal- anced squad which, when summed up, adds to plenty of shakeups in the old established order in the annual Big Six ring circus. Savitar MADONNA Madonna in white, but beneath the surface lies the flaw Flitting with careless efficiency, pausing to linger- Possibly to banter, with jaunty gait and pugnacious air, Ruling the domain of cubicles. Automan outwardly, but a deep breasted human at heart. Flirtatious coquette, with guile becoming a woman of satisfaction: Lingering as a bee o'er its fruit. Quick to sting and easily stung are virtues well becoming. Like the turned earth torn asunder with the cleaver of the plow The parted field seems akin the divided game. To be serious at heart would spoil the created illusion, With the one deceived pitied. But pitted against this personage the game is played Until there is a created finis- Either the patient gets well, Or the visitor goes too far. -H. A. The Brown Derby BARTH'S FRATERNITY MANAGEMENT Life Savers FREE! A Box of Life Savers for the best wisecrack ! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it in to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers. For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cellophane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of the publi- cation. The right to publish any or all jokes is re- served. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky winner's name. The Hell With Verification BY JAY PATRICK "No," said the rush captain of Missouri Dough- nut chapter of Dunkit Inda Cawfee, in that peculiar confidential tone assumed by all rush captains the first two weeks in September, "we don't have any drinking here, and there is absolutely no licker allowed in the house." Two of the brothers hiccuped past the door. "Well," admitted the R. C., a few of the boys take a little now and then, but that's only natural." orge twenty-two The R. C. sat down on the bed, the springs rat- tled, and from the mattress dropped a half-filled bottle of White Horse. "Well, well," said the astounded one, "I really don't know how that could have happened." He restored the White Horse care- fully and with great dexterity. 'Hummmmmm," he said, in a sort of 'one of those things' tone of hummmmmm. Launching forth again, the R. C. dropped his voice another octave to obviate the possibility of being overheard, and resumed his attack. "We really have a fine bunch of fellows here," he began, and liking it so well he added reflectively, "yes, sir, a fine bunch of fellows." He looked at me: "fine bunch of fellows," he again remarked. "Yes," I said, "fine bunch of fellows." "And very versatile," he goes on. "Yes," I said, "very versatile fellows." "And are we active socially," he questions, with no possible chance of mistaking the desired answer. "Well," from me, "wasn't there a little mat- ter of your social privileges being taken away?" A pause. "Hummm," he continued, "what are a few little old social privileges; anyway we'll get them back in nothing flat. But what I want to say is-we consider you one of the highest type boy, and of course old Dunkit Inda Cawfee takes nothing but the best. You know that, don't you?" A poser. "Ummmmm," I agree. "Now we are getting along," the R .C. crows very happy, "I know you'll be very happy with us here, and now there must be some questions you want to ask?" "How much would it cost me?" Very blunt but effective. But the R. C. sprang with a snarl at this bone of contention: "Our house bill is almost the lowest on the campus, and that includes assessments, too, and don't let anyone tell you about our house note. It's a little matter of a hundred dollars, or so, but that really doesn't mean anything-just a formal- ity." From the Dunkit Inda Cawfee mansion, I was hustled to the Canna Bumma Cig house, where dinner was served. After the meat and vegetable plates had been cleared away, ninety per cent of the boys rose and stood behind their chairs. "Siddown, dammit, says their R. C., we gotta desert tonight." "A what?", interrogates one of the halfbacks. "A desert," patiently. "One of those thinks like pie or ice cream, you know--a desert." "Have we ever had one before?", very sus- piciously. "Suah, surh, doncha remember last September?" continued on page 25 DRAMA-- (Continued) ing to return to school, George Palmer (Indep.) second vice- president, turned up. He'll be the new president since Ray Colcord Workshop officer and Purple Mask member, who went that way last fall will soon be blessed eventing. Speaking of broken romances, there is the case of Mary Scudder (Tri-Delt), prop girl, last year torn between the devil and the deep blue sea represented by an old sweetheart and a med student, who this year has been deserted by both the devil and the sea. But not all of Workshop's ro- rances have gone on the rocks. Marinelle O'Neal (Chi O), ac- tress and director, will tread the middle aisle this October and Marge Huff (Chi 0). And Louise Mairs, (Indep.) Workshop's favorite tragedienne, faces a real life tragedy in this year's absence of her light o' love, Jut Hammond (Phi Delt). Pertinent question to end the day--Will Tennessian Jimmie Speer, good-looking Lambda Chi, maintain Bob Case's (Sigma Chi) record as a picker outer of cam- pus beauties for Workshop's staff of usherettes ? g Hello-Ritz theater? Listen, how much are they giving away at Bank Night tomorrow? "MOTHER MAY WE HAVE MORE?" The girls at the Alpha Delta Pi don't wait for the Central Dairy deliveryman to bring the milk in . . . they come and get it. From left to right the girls are: Helen Boillot Carloyn Strunck Georgiann Dickey Helen Davis Dortha Frerer Doris Burnham Mary Kuhne Mavis Lynch Doris Reager Marguerite Birsner Doris Marsh Jane Dentman Virginia Martin Dorothy Sullivan The Alpha Delta Pi is one of Central's many boosters for milk, ice cream, and orangeade. page twenty-three He wants to know if there's a guy named Hearst around here. Possession Is Nine-Tenths continued from page 11 and slowly walked back to the house. "Horace," she said apologeti- cally, "I'm sorry for what hap- pened. I never knew how you felt. And I never knew Bob was fooling me when he said he loved me." Horace smiled, a feeling of res- urrected power seeming to make him a different person. He looked at her squarely. "Possession is nine-tenths," he said. "But the one-tenth real love is pretty important. But with- out the nine-tenths, you're a sucker. I think Bob has the right dope. Give me a ring if you want to neck sometime. So long." And he walked into the night for the third time, a wiser man. Page twenty-four Philips & Co. THE HELL WITH VERIFI- CATION--(Continued) The Canna Cig rush captain proffered a cigarette, then a light; I informed him that the suction was okay. He seemed slightly taken aback, but in a minute or two suggested that "we step in here for a little talk." We sat down on the bed. "No," he said, in that peculiar confidential tone assumed by all rush captains the first two weeks of September, "we don't have any drinking here, there is absolutely no licker in the house, and also we are a very fine bunch of fel- lows, and chee, guy, are we voi- satile? And our house bill is al- most the lowest on the campus." I sized him up right away as one of these fast boys, and pulled my ace out of the hole: "By the by," very casually, "can you tell me my name right quick?" A pause . .Another pause . . "Hummm," he adds reflectively, then: "Oh shuah, shuah, you're Sluggy Allen from Brooklyn." A sneer from me: "My name is Patrick, I'm from Pittsburgh." "Well, well," he came back, real snappy, "you look just like Slugsy, might be his twin. Yes sir, might be his twin, just like him. Never saw such a resem- blance." "Isn't Slugsy that horse-faced boy with red hair that spilled the preserves at the table?" That from me, pursuing the issue. "Yes, yes, come to think of it, guess he is. Must be two other fellows." slight laugh, very hol- low indeed), but what I want to say, old man, is this: our ideals and standards are higher than anyone's on the campus, and while I won't knock anyone else, the Gota Helta Stay boys really are not quite the thing, the lousy bunch of drunkards, though it's not our policy to knock the other guys. We take only the highest quality men ,and we believe you are one and want to honor you with a bid. We've had mighty you." Dead silence. 'By the by, high recommendations about what is your name?" ,, ,, , , Notice to Students!! EVERY STUDENT operating an automobile within the City of Columbia, Missouri, is required to purchase a city automobile license. DEADLINE on the sale of these licenses is SEPTEM- BER 24. FAILURE TO COMPLY with this ruling will subject the automobile owner to a fine. Licenses may be purchased at the City Collector's office, Municipal Building. LUCAS BROTHERS, Publishers The Jacqueline Shop A FROSH WRITES HOME Dear Mom, I'm finally pretty well settled here at college, and I can tell you every- thing here in this city is much differ- ent from things back home. The peo- ple are very nice here. I was only here three days when one of the Fra- ternities prepared a Farewell Dinner for me. Back home we were used to hearing all kinds of stories about the shootings and hold-ups that were go- ing on in this city, but it's not so bad. I met a fellow here at school who was born and raised in the city and he swears he never killed anyone. I like the town, but I can't get used to the traffic system. They have a law here which prohibits people from cross- ing the street one a time. They make everybody cross together. There's no sense killing pople one by one; they get it over in a bunch which saves time and money. Especially nowadays since they have invented free wheel- ing and the four-wheel brake which is a wonderful thing. Why you can stop right on a person -you don't have to roll over them at all. Next year they are going to put the license plates under the cars so that they will be easier to see. My room-mate and I bought a car and it really is a swell job-a 1903 Ford. It runs great; you have to put it in second to get it over the car tracks. Only yesterday I came to a street corner and the traffic lights changed from green to yellow to red and I stopped and the motor stopped and I couldn't get it started again. Then the lights changed back from red to yellow to green and I still couldn't get it started. After the lights changed back three or four times, a traffic cop came over to the car and in a very pleasant voice that blew out three of my tires asked me if I in- tended to build on the spot. So I, thinking fast, told him that I was waiting for my favorite color. Will you please send me five dol- lars right away as the cop didn't like my answer and they won't give me back the car until I pay the fine. Love, TOMMY. * Kaywoodie Pipes Well, they're out of the way! FEW people are callous or stupid enough to say that war is actually a good or desirable thing. But certain people have worked out the theory that war exists to save the world from overpopulation. Charming thought, isn't it? Let's see if the bookkeeping of the World War bears it out. In the War, it cost $25,000 to kill one man. That's the official price tag on each of those neat little white wooden crosses that bloom where poppies used to grow. Invested at a modest 5o%, $25,000 would give a return of $1250 each year. The average income, for the head of a family in the United States, certainly isn't much over $1000 a year. It's less in other countries. So it seems the world got stucl. We paid too high a price to get rid of those 17,000,- 000 men, who might have been "excess population" to some, but not to the people who loved them. Another war threatens. $25,000 will seem a bargain basement figure in comparison to the cost of blowing a decent human to hell in the coming war, and 17,000,000 dead will be only a beginning. But gruesome, sordid, horrible figures, and deploring the monstrosity of the last war will not stop the next. The only thing that will stop it is concerted effort by all of us. Any one who passively sits by is guilty of helping make war possible. You must act! What YOU can do about it- World Peaceways is a non-profit agency the purpose of which is to solidify the de- sire most people have to abolish the whole silly business of war. We feel that intelligent efforts can and must be made against war and toward a secure peace. If you think so, too, we invite you to write to World Peaceways, 103 Park Avenue, New York. Camel Cigarettes