Showme October, 1937

Showme October, 1937 Showme October, 1937 2008 1937/10 image/jpeg University of Missouri-Columbia Libraries Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show193710

Showme October, 1937; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1937

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Showme Life Savers FREE! A Box of Life Savers for the best wisecrack! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it in to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers. For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cellophane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of the pub- lication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky winner's name. Last Month's Winner Paul Von Osdol He had everyone in stitches with his story about changing S. G. A .. Missouri Limericks.. There was a young girl from a farm With a heart so remarkably warm That each time you kissed her You raised up a blister So the dean sent her back to the farm. A dizzy young lady named Tesse Fell down from the third floor of Jesse.. She said, as she fell, "I can see very well That Jesse is going to be messe." A freshman who came from Decatur Once took a late date with a Beta. When she got in She was wearing his pin But her house says it won't reinstate her. An M.S.O. man with an hour Decided to pray in the tower He lost his religion Because of a pigeon And swore, as he ran for the shower. M.R. Savitar Showme Show . . After a two year pinning, LOUISE HOLLMAN, Alpha Chi of last year, and BOB GEOQUE, Pi K.A., have decided to call the whole thing off. .. .Though MARYELLEN RAYBURN, lovely Pi Phi, has not centered her entire attention on any one lucky male, we like to see her with JACK GARRI- SON, or so smooth Phi Delt. . . After a very ardent love act on the Chi Q. front porch the other eve, BETTE WOODY drew away from her date and said, "Thanks so much . . . It's been nice meeting you." .. BETTY ANN ROOT, the Gamma Phi flash, has been ap- proached the uniformed males saying, "Oh, I could go for a man like you" . . . and believe it or not, it works! . .One of the smoother cam- pus additions is SAE CAMP- BELL, graduate student in "J" school, hailing from Harvard with all of an accent and slick Dodge coupe. He's splitting his attentions in the Pi Phi house be- tween MARTY PAYNE and MABEL KINYON, and we have heard from those in the know that the D.G. house is on the verge of a split up over him. . .We are wondering if the five-girl-in-a-room set-up at the KAPPA house is an effort to further congeniality. S. . Though CAROLINE WOERHEIDE has returned the sweetheart pin belonging to a certain Beta transferee, we've no- ticed it's not quits altogether. . . All cf which reminds us that VIC LUNDEMO and MIL- DRED WINTERS are seen to- gether more often than not . . . POSTEN WHITEHEAD, K.A., and EDITH HARRIS, Tri- Delt redhead (better known as E-Demerit), seem to have some- thing new in the art of love- making which consists of a few dirty cracks tossed here and there. Maybe it's due to the bad start of the cynical touch of Pos- ten's first greeting this year when he rated the arrival of his purse back in town above his personal appearance-or again it might be the new Phi Delt pledge. JUNE ENGLISH, Tri-Delt, and ED BRIDGEFORD, Kappa Sig, are seeing Columbia togeth- er these days. June bid two boys goodnight one night last week all within about fifteen minutes -one station to station the other person to person. BARNWARMIN' Q U EEN Election was held in all its glory last Wednesday night. Reports are that the favored committee who held the controlling votes hardly so much as trusted an eye on the candidates - maybe the laurels went to the lady with the loudest hog call. Walk-out night in some of the sororities almost put more than one romance on the rocks. GRO- VER LAUTZ seemed to feel it his christian duty to make-up for the shortage of pledges at the D.U. house and go on the enter- tainment committee himself. Lucky for the recipient of his attentions that she was a pledge at the Gamma Phi House and not the Tri-Delt House where his true love resides. The Tri-Delt House is work- ing on an invention whereby a dining-room table is made de- tachable to the body so that VERA STUTSMAN can at least get a little nourishment on the way to and from the phone. Illumination: BILLY GREGG puts it aptly when he says he is just a local chump to MABEL COLEMAN while BI L L Y THEIS is working in Texas. Most debonair gesture of the month is BUD LOGAN allow- ing MM NOBLE to "reform" him into sipping cokes while she quaffs beer in mighty draughts. Monotony: JOANNA MOR- GAN and BOB EVANS call the whole thing off more times than there are days in a week, but the tie still binds. Amond the giddy whirls we find JOAN HOWE dragging DEADHEAD AUBREY to the Kappa party; Deadhead, how- ever, has definite plans to squire MARY LEVEC to the Phi Delt swing-fest. That same night Kappa JANE ELFORD skipped town for a Phi Delt twirl at WESTMINSTER. It nearly ripped the heart out of our chest to see UMPER HOLMES, Phi Gam top-man, downing an iniquitous mixture of beer and milk. It must be a combination of cat and college thirst - personally, we'd rather just whistle. TOMMY RITCHIE, that Beta who thinks Woman is just a rib (Continued on Page 12) Books THREE OZARK STREAMS Ward A. Dorrance Dr. Dorrance's French novel courses are successful because his own love and enthusiasm for the French novels are contagious. One cannot help but dive into his courses head first-forgetting he is the teacher, you the stu- dent-and sharing his love for Maupassant, and Zola and the others. Dorrance was raised in Mis- souri, he went to school here, and he teaches here. He is of south- ern extraction (very southern- his apartment is decorated with the stars and bars)-but Missouri is his first love. It is then easy to see why "Three Ozark Streams" captures the reader as page two quickly, as completely as does a Dorrance novel course. The book is not a guide book in which, as the author says, "is charted with admirable precision, every spot which you must avoid." Rather it is a log book the author kept as he floated down the streams one summer. That's all "Three Ozark Streams" is-just a log of a trip down three Ozark streams-But Hudson's "Green Mansions" is merely an account of a man in South American jungles! And "Green Mansions" is the only book we know comparable in style to "Three Ozark Streams." It's prose-but what prose! Listen to this-"High in the hill I find an old quarry. Here where the rock is cut it is pink, with the lush look of the flesh of fruit, stained with medallions of lichen. From rose-colored ledge a herd of white goats drop like petals in their haste to see the last of me. The billy pauses, confront- ing me an instant with the un- strung bow of his horns before he drops from sight." This is prose - yet in many parts, mere type arrangement would make it blank verse. It is the "Green Mansions" of the Ozarks. Higher praise is neither necessary nor possible. PRESENT INDICATIVE Noel Coward Before writing his autobiogra- phy, Present Indicative, Noel Coward evidently stood in front of a mirror and said, "Here I am. I am good. I will write a book about it." This he did with remarkable finesse and no bush- beating. Mr. Coward's ego is allowed to run rampant through an atmosphere redolent with grease paint, crepe hair, spot- lights, and a series of celebrities who are called by their first names. Present Indicative, as a suc- cess story, is agreeably blase. The notoriously cynical Noel Coward presents the unadulter- ated truth of how he grew to be a feather in his own cap. Strange- ly enough, he was once a small boy-a fact which he constantly dwells upon-who wore red pa- per beards in the streets of Lon- don. Later, he grew almost grace- fully into manhood, at which time he wrote rather mediocre plays and mingled liberally with the distinguished literati. Still later, he became the Lion of the English and American theatres where he has continued to roar ever since. The book is effective in pre- senting inside glimpses of the theatrical Wonderland where all that glitters is the teeth of the public. Prominent personalities become mere people who eat ham sandwiches with "plenty of mus- tard." Using an obvious subtil- ity of pen, the author gleefully rides through the pages on a pa- pier mache horse labeled Act 1 Scene 1. It is comforting to know that the renowned Mr. Coward once played the part of a love-sick mushroom.-M. D. (Continued on Page 29) Drama "There is something heart- breakingly gallant about Maude Adams," said dramatic critics of a decade ago. Gallant was the word for her as glamorous is for today's foremost movie actresses. Said Channing Pollock, dramatic expert, "She is whimsical, and sparkling, and inspiringly intre- pid. I've seen glycerine tears trickling down close-upped faces in the films, and real salt water in the optics of harrassed stage heroines, but they never moved me-or thousands of others, I fancy-as did the saucy shake of Maude Adams' head and the come-on-and-be-damned - to - you flash of her eyes. There was a note in her voice that shattered everything but my watch crys- tal." That was a generation ago, but today her Stephens' students con- tinue to enhalo her with worship. For Miss Adams possesses the intangible magic that does things to your heart. But not because she courts her public. She has never writen to any of them; never affirmed or denied any- thing; never opened the doors of her private life nor permitted any- one to pull up the shades. She has never been interviewed. But to her students she is charming and gentle. She likes to attend school functions-until she is noticed and then she slips away from the crowd. She con- ducts her school work in an in- formal manner. There are no large classes. No rows of chairs placed before a desk. No lec- tures. Instead she meets all day with small groups. She engages them in personal conversation and together they work out the plans for "Chanticleer." Miss Adams will present that play to the public just before Thanks- giving. She doesn't want the pro- duction to be of benefit to a lim- ited group of talented actresses, so at least two casts will present the play on succeeding nights. East cast requires fifty girls. Other dramatic activities at Stephens await Miss Adams' de- cision to remain the year or leave. Announcement of the regular schedule of plays is withheld un- til then. Meanwhile, the drama- tic staff is engaged in moving to the enlarged scene shop with its new offices, library, and class rooms. In their spare time they worry over the costume demands of "Chanticleer"- fifty animal outfits. Radio has tapped both Ste- phens and the University drama- tic departments on the shoulder. N. B. C. will feature a Maude Adams program soon. Pontiac will sponsor the University on their collegiate half-hour Nov. 5. Christian has stepped forward to announce its schedule of plays for the year. Noel Coward's "I'll Leave It To You" is in rehearsal with a production date of Jan. 14. Christian actors will present two nights of one-acts, a serious play not yet announced March 10, and close their season with Shake- speare's "Much Ado About Noth- ing." Which might or might not be somebody's subtle idea about a good ending for a dramatic sea- son. Try-outs for the University production, "Pride and Preju- dice," are under-way this week. Workshop Presents "FIRST LADY" It's been done before-this us- ing of the Washington political scene as a target of the country's best satirists; it's in the papers every day under the guise of terse, business-like headlines. But it's never been done in quite the engaging manner as the Kauf- man-Dayton play, "First Lady," presented by Workshop early this week as the organization's initial major production of the year. It was considered by most critics as one of the brightest spots of the 1935-36 Broadway sea- son and in the opinion of this writer, it's destined to be one of Workshop's most rememberable presentations. "First Lady" goes further than such famous predecessors as "Of Thee I Sing" in that it empha- sizes the social angle of life in the nation's capital. The social aspect invariably means the "woman's angle" and that fact was strongly impressed on you by the splendid performance of Workshop veteran, Joan Howe, in the role of Lucy Wayne. Born in the White House during the administration of her grandfa- ther, Lucy had consistently rep- resented one of the pillars of Washington society and consid- ered herself a most important fac- tor in this pressing problem of political diplomacy. Only typical of her many clever lines was the one: "They ought to elect the First Lady and let her husband (Continued on Page 32) page three Showme Movies by Reed Hoar "Stage Door" with Ginger Rog- ers, Katherine Hepburn, and Adolphe Menjou. + "To both of its female stars, 'Stage Door' is likely to be a career milestone. It proves that Miss Rogers is a talented come- dienne and that Miss Hepburn really is potentially the screen's greatest actress.'-Life. - "The screen version (of 'Stage Door') is a brisk, wise- cracking comedy of stagestruck girls."-News-Week. - "It is jampacked with tooth- some females, and barely a male to mar the scenery. The wise- cracks fly fast and furious, so fast and furious that you will miss bunches of them."-Digest. "100 Men and a Girl" with De- anna Durbin, Leopold Sto- kowski, and Adolphe Menjou. - "In her second picture, her first starring role, Deanna Dur- bin underlined the fact that in her Universal had found its most valuable property and an A-1 box- office attraction."-Time. - "Out of the murky limbo of tap-dancing, catarrh-voiced, silly- songed filmusicals comes at last a knockout musical film."-Di- gest. + "'100 Men and a Girl' is worth seeing and hearing."- News-Week. 50/50 "Mr. Stokowski contrib- utes a special quality to an other- wise rather casual, although agreeable, film."-New Yorker. page four (Note: In this Mr. Hoar has attempted to give a cross-section of the motion picture reviews by the better magazines and newspapers. By each quotation is the value that each reviewer has given the film.) "High, Wide, and Handsome" with Irene Dunne, Randolph Scott, and Dorothy Lamour. + "Entertainment on a grand scale is presented in a gay and colorful film. Delightful music, good lines."-Parents' Magazine. - "We wonder whether the re- sults justify the enormous ex- pense involved."-Kansas City Star. "Something to Sing About" with James Cagney. 50/50 "There is enough here for Cagney fans to sing about."- News-Week. 50/50 "0. K. when Cagney is on the screen."-Digest. - "'Something to Sing About' is nothing to sing about."-Time. - "This title indicates an op- timism on the part of the pro- ducers that is not entirely justi- fied."-New Yorker. "Back in Circulation" with Joan Blondell and Pat O'Brien. 50/50 "'Back in Circulation' should please cinemaddicts who admire portrayals of brash re- porters and nail-hard editors whose presses must be fed re- gardless of human cost."-Time. - "In the midst of scoops and coos, a tentative, promising and never realized good mystery plot is employed."-New Yorker. "Vogues of 1938" with Warner Baxter and Joan Bennett. 50/50 "A million and a half dol- lar technicolor extravaganza which will please fashion-loony women and admirers of Joan Ben- nett, Warner Baxter, Mischa Auer, and Alan Mowbrey."-Di- gest. 50/50 "The 'Oohs' and 'Ahs' and gasps with which women will greet various moments of 'Vogues of 1938' should be worth record- ing. Whether the men will be pleased similarly depends on their ability to watch style shows while they await moments more suitable to their general taste."- Kansas City Star. "Firefly" with Jeanette MacDon- ald and Allan Jones. - "Delightful operetta magnifi- cently produced."-Parents' Mag- azine. 50/50 "The story and its com- plications go on forever, and I am afraid that a good many peo- ple won't have the patience to wait for the comparatively few musical numbers."-New Yorker. Aylene Adams-staff morale keeper- upper-dashed in the other day all ex- cited. She had won a contest in MADAMOISELLE magazine. It was sponsored by Bali Bra. We asked her what she had won. "Oh," she beamed-"I won a set of six bras." "My goodness," we said, "do you wear 'em all at once?" "Oh, no," said Aylene. "One is formal wear-one for afternoon and so on. But the joke's on them-I never wear the darned things . FOR THE LOWBROWS We ran into Joe, the would-be play- right. It wasn't that we wanted to run into him, but just that we weren't fast enough to get away from him once the meeting took place. Immediately, Joe began to tell us about his new play which he felt was the great American Drama. He asked us if we would like to hear the plot. We didn't bother answering, because we knew we were going to hear it whether we wanted to or not. Joe began, "The play takes place in a little village on the outskirts of a big city. The village was built be- cause there was some wood left over from a dog house. The first act opens up in a typical American home. To prove this, no one is on speaking terms. The father is lying on the floor celebrating Father's Day. He likes two things: his wife and his ci- gar lighter, and both are working. The daughter is very old fashioned; she is fourteen and is still living with her parents. The son is the average college sap. He is the type of fellow who takes a girl to a dance where she meets an- other beau with whom she dances all night. This stag gets drunk on our hero's liquor and passes out just be- fore the check comes. On the way home, the girl lectures our hero on the evils of necking and petting, and of course, he makes another date with her. "In the second act," Joe goes on, "the son is grown up, and having graduated from college, he is very cultured; he never strikes his mother except in self-defense, and then he always removes his hat first. At the end of the act, the son sends his Rolls Royce to take his parents to the poor house. In the third act, our hero is court- ing a girl who has halitosis. But he figures, halitosis is better than no breath at all. She says to him, "May I come up to see your cat? Every- body says you have the ugliest puss in town. Dear," she goes on, "will you love me when my hair turns to silver?" "And why not?" he asks ."Have I not loved you through three shades already?" Joe kept on talking, but seeing an opportunity, we sneaked off before he tried to sell us an interest in the play. BEECH-NUT GUM Prince Albert Tobacco Editorial Ego Now that you've seen the pledge lists and have called us everything from rat to louse, re-read the explana- tory note at the beginning of the lists and convince yourself that we're not bad after all . . . Incidentally, we weren't any too anxious to waste all that space on lists but the business manager, one BECKER by name, thought we should do it and carry on the Showme custom and since it is he who signs those pretty yellow slips of paper once a month-who are we to object? We hear the Sig Eps are going to raise beards from now on until their dance October 30 not only to show the campus they can do it-but also to provide a mood for their tacky party or sloppy party or whatever it is. So far the only evidence of a beard on a Sig Ep we've seen is GEORGE RUTLEDGE'S miniature mustache and that had to be called to our at- tention with the aid of a microscope. We're all excited at present about the next issue. BOB DUNCAN, who wrote the satire on the Black case in this issue, is preparing a really serious analysis about the lack of lib- eral movements on this campus. We also have about 40 people at work classifying the rooming houses on the campus so that we'll have some evi- dence to back up the editorial cam- paign we hope to launch in the Home- coming issue. DICK AMPER, who authored "Jest Off the Campus" in the Student last year, will begin a regular column which he claims will put Heywood Broun to shame in the Homecoming issue too. Not only that but we've convinced HAROLD SOURS to pen another short short for next month to equal "Stuffed Shirt" which appeared in our last issue. Oh yes, we've big plans for the Home- coming Issue and Showme will be- gin to take on the looks of the maga- zine we hope for-"A Reflection of Modern Campus Thought." Inciden- tally, we had four pages of candid camera shots ready for this issue but the pledge lists came first and we couldn't print them. Next issue will have four pages of new minicamer- amateur shots. Puffs Let's doff our bonnet first this month to Paul Brown, the STUDENT'S ad- vertising manager. Paul has single- Missouri SHOWME Editor ........................ Merrill Panitt Business Manager..........Thomas Becker STAFF Art Art Editor..................... Paul Ullman Murry Amper Paul Wright Ray Wendell Edward Bearman Eugene Brody Helen Stigall Halston Quinn Charles O'Brien GOSSIP Jeanne Chappell Kay Kavanaugh Ruth Kinyon Fred Haines Dick Timmis Virginia Scott Harriet Judge FEATURES Elizabeth Bellinger Kathryn Blood Kathleen COwing Bert Gage Charles Godsey John Hover Jack Hosford Norman Perlstein Jim Ragland Phil Dessnaur Don Boardman Jack Adajian PHOTOGRAPHY Jack Kilpatrick Robert Murray Randy Rasch Charles Caudle Ray Epstein Charles Taylor BOOKS Mary Dixon Harold Sours Virginia Scott Lucille Wheeler MUSIC Herman Land Arnold Dibble DRAMA Beth Hodgson Carol Davis SPORTS Paul Hunt Joe Carter Paul Cunningham Jack Sloan Darwin Rummel Nat Silverman EXCHANGE Charles Mann Melvin Grinspan Pat Draper Peggy Maupin Mary Trapp Maryellen Rayburn Mary Alice Messerly Ethel Burgard SECRETARIAL Fanchon Barbee Naomi Carter Mary Margaret Carter Mary Margaret Jones Arlene King Mary M. Watts MORALE KEEPER-UPPER Aylene Adams STEPHENS COLLEGE STAFF Barbara Mamby Virginia Hives Janet Mellon Willma Racine Elizabeth Snyder Ann Marcotte Betty Brainard Eleanor Brier Janet Hagen Pat Rothlinghouse Phyllis Mounsey ADVERTISING Reggie Humphrey Bobbie Price Marvin H. Wilson Dalals Cox Elizabeth Noyes Harry Beltzig Mary Ellen Wampler Jane DeGuire Edna May Fisher Tom Bates Jim Hayes Alex Cohen CIRCULATION Richard Gorton India Webb Kathleen Newrum Ruth Schifflin Margaret Ryan James Gillham Betty Jane Thompson David Dickens Mary Alice Messerly Sue Ann Millsaps PROMOTION I'anl Ricks John Gardner Hanna Sarno Joe Carter Joe Johnson EDITORIAL BOARD Merrill Panitt Tllomas Becker Joseph J. Paul handedly taken over a job entirely new for a STUDENT staff member and has done amazingly well. When the University told STUDENT officers that the paper would be out on its own after first semester, Paul was chosen adver- tising manager and into his hands-able hands they are-fell the task of piling up enough money from ads to pay for the paper. So far he has done so well that STUDENT may not have to sell subscriptions to exist next semester. Truly then, Paul has done all of us a service and he deserves a hearty thanks from all of us. While we're thinking of publications we recall a visit to the SAVITAR of- fice the other day. In previous years we had visited the office to find the edi- tor chatting merrily with staff members. The contents of the book were always a secret. Only the editor and business manager saw the dummy. About six staff members knew what their work would look like when the book appeared. Imagine our surprise, then, when Ann Fuqua insisted we see the dummy. She patiently turned the pages and showed us what the book would be, how it would look, and just which staff mem- hers were handling the departments. In a corner two people typed. There was no jellying-just work-and those fresh- men in the corner knew why they were typing and what they were typing. It was a welcome change. The dummy is in our humble opinion the forerunner of the best Savitar in ten years. And Ann Fuqua, along with Bob Glenn are the two most human people to occupy the exalted posts of editor and business manager of SAVITAR in the past four years . . . You've read about Duck Millard's do- ings down at Harris' during the past few weeks. You've read about how he introduced the freshman footballers to some of the prettiest Stephens girls and held a Tuesday night Stephens swing party for them. Now Duck is getting the fraternity pledges dates at Stephens. He's devoting Tuesday night (it may be shifted to Thursday) to pledges from one fraternity-and the Stephens dates are, of course, the cream of the bumper crop, and they know how to dance to the Jones swing. Anyhow the point of all this is that the sorority girls at the University are beginning to look up and take notice. Of course we're impartial, but Duck is to be puffed for thinking of the plan-he's not only helping him- self-but the Stephens girls to meet nice lads-the University boys to meet nice gals-and he's throwing a nice monkey wrench into the monopoly heretofore held by University gals who didn't quite ap- preciate their dates. Yahhhhh. Remem- ber gals-there are three of you to every lad in Columbia, and we have quite a selection. OCTOBER, 1937 VOL. VII, NO. 2 The Missouri Showme is published monthly except during .Tuly and August by the Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, national professional journalism fraternity, as the official humor and literary publication of the University of Missouri. price: .$1.00 per year; 15c the single copy. Copyright 1937 by Missouri chapter of Sigma Chi; original contents not to' be reprinted without permission. Per- mission given all recognized exchanging college publications. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College IIumor. Editorial and Busi- ness offices, Room 13, Walter Williams Hall; office of publication, Artcraft Press, Virginia Bldg., Columbia, Mo. Not responsible for un- solicited manuscripts; postage must be enclosed for return. page seven SHAME ON YOU, ERGO.... by Bob Duncan BULLETIN! - Ergo Brown, treasurer of Sigma Alpha Row, has just been appointed to the senior court by class president Hendrik von Ragdoll. Bella, his beloved: Oh, Ergo, how wonderful! But I shan't allow you to accept any bids to Stephens dances. Ergo: Aw. * * BULLETIN :-Opinion splits on Brown appointment! The following conversation, representative of high feeling aroused by Brown appointment, was heard on the campus. Names furnished on request: X: I wonder if Brown is the man for the job. Y: Oh, he's all right. Let's get a beer. * * * Exclusive statement f r o m Brown: "I'll take it, but I won't promise to go to all the meetings. Got a cigaret?" The following scene is preceded by a muffled roll of drums, a la March of Time. Slow music then, as from a distance. Sounds of wailing, thunder, then . . . silence. A stout figure, in an eight-gal- lon Stetson, approaches. He is Roy Sprinkle, "Student" ace fea- ture writer. He sits down at a typewriter and pecks a little at the keys. Sprinkle: When's the deadline, chief? He then notices that the room is empty. He looks at some ex- change papers, picks some of that stinking whitewash off the wall, and goes out for a beer. We're just guessing at that last. We only know what we do when we don't have anything to do. The characters in this thing are fictitious, and any re- semblance to any living person would be a miracle. FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!- "Student" comes out with star- tling expose by Roy Sprinkle of Ergo Brown's former affiliation with the Terrible Ten, notorious organization for the suppression of the "Gashouse Gang," in Brown's home town. Reporters, seeking a statement from Brown, find that he is cruis- ing on the Hinkson. Senior presi- dent Von Ragdoll says nothing; is considering touring the frater- nities to sound out feeling on a proposed addition to the columns. The president, devout numerolo- gist, stated today that another column should be added, as "Mis- souri" vibrates to 7 and not to 6. Coach Faurot stated that Mis- souri is vibrating now, as the Ne- braska game approaches. Ragdoll tells Faurot to butt out. He goes on tour anyhow, followed by reporters. More re- porters await Brown's return. * * * The following is a cross-section of editorial comment in the na- tion's papers: Dallas (Tex.) Dilly-Dally:- There is something horribly, hor- ribly wrong about it. Chicago (Ill.) Chiseler:-Booo- ooooo! Brown! Kalamazoo (Mich.) Katfish:- What will the end be! Read the Katfish! Buffalo (N. Y.) Shuffle:-We demand a new deal. Columbia (Mo.) Gemuvtheo- shun:-It's awful. Right under our collective noses! Paris (France) Piddler:-Sa- pristi! C'est un hell of a mess! Philadelphia, New York, Pitts- burgh and Walla-Walla papers are ominously silent. Newsreel reporters interview Silas (Slug) Smathers, Imperial Gizzard of the Terrible Ten: Reporters: Is Brown a mem- ber of the Ten? S. S. S.: I ain't savin' he is and I ain't sayin' he ain't. I is. Ask him. That's all. Good-by. Reporters: So-long. BLACKOUT * * * FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! Ergo Brown returns from cruise! In answer to questions asked by horde of reporters he only smiles, lays his finger aside his nose, and says: "Just you wait!" Soft music. Five thousand stu- dents gather on Red campus, their arms akimbo, waiting waiting . . . FLASH! FLASH! Brown will address nation over KFRU! Clo- verdale Farm Zippy Fiddlers sac- rifice time on air. * * * Brown: The constitution is the supreme law of our country. The Bill of Rights is the heart of the constitution. Therefore Socrates is mortal. I believe that my record as a student will refute things. I did join the Terrible Ten. Honest I did. Then I resigned. Honest I did. Then I joined again, but was thrown out for not paying dues. They sent me a card. I sent it back. They sent it again. I sent it back, but they kept send- ing it. I thought I would go mad. I kept the last card they sent. There was a calendar on the back. (Continued on Page 12) PAGLIACCI BLACK or LAUGH KLAN LAUGH by Murray Amper * "IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ARE A LIFE MEMBER OF THE SUPREME COURT?" * "TAKE A LETTER TO THE MOHAWK LINEN COMPANY. GENTLEMEN, KINDLY SEND EIGHT WHITE SHEETS TO THE ABOVE ADDRESS. (SIGNED) C. E. HUGHES." * THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES ------ 1950 page nine Music by Eldon Jones Although Benny Goodman has the name of having the best con- sistent swing band, he seems to be slipping. Not only have other name bands been giv- ing him a run for the money, but several new styles of swing have been introduced by such bands as Tommy Dorsey, Chick Webb and Horace Hen- derson. Even Goodman's fine jam quartet has been challenged by Raymond Scott and his quintette. Listen to his record of "Toy Trumpet" and see if you don't think that his style of swing defi- nitely has something. Speaking of "jam bands," we would still like to see weekly "jam sessions" take place on this campus. The University of Illi- nois students thoroughly under- stand the meaning of "jam ses- sion" and they appreciate the ef- forts of all those who take part in these impromptu expressions of individuality. Whenever news of a "jam session" gets around in Champaign,. they waste no time in getting a booth for the show, and they applaud gener- ously when the boys swing out. Illinois University produces some top dance musicians which brings us to the fact that Mis- souri University has representa- tives in many of the name bands throughout the country. "Yank" Lawson, of Trenton, Missouri, who played with Opie Cates at Jimmie's College Inn, is playing trumpet and doing all the "go (Continued on Page 32) page ten by Herman Land A lot has been said about Ben- ny Goodman's unfair treatment of the members of his band. Well here is something that will make you open your eyes. It seems that Johnny Davis, no longer with the Fred Waring outfit, was photographed on the Warner lot in Hollywood play- ing the trumpet solos of Harry James, B.G.'s trumpet man. Benny threatened a walkout unless amends were made but found out that there could be nothing done about the matter. Anyhow this little uprising upon the part of Goodman certainly shows that he has the best inter- ests of his men at heart. It seems that the quarrel be- tween the two Dorsey brothers has finally been patched up. The feud ended when the bands of both of the brothers appeared in New York. Jimmy's band was appearing on the stage of the Loew's theater. The brothers met at a local gin mill and greet- ed each other affectionately, meaning that the hatchet was buried. The feud had started over the difference of opinion in regards to the style of the band. Jimmy's ideas of a commercial band con- flicted with those of Tommy, thus the parting of the ways. Since the separation, both brothers have enjoyed the same amount of success, and it looks like the old hatchet will be buried as long as the boys don't unite musically. by Hal Smith We bring to those readers of Showme who are especially in- terested in the news of record- ings, this new feature, in the hope that it will give you some information as to what is going on in the world of recorded mu- sic. In each issue this section of the music column will pre- sent prevues of the outstanding groups of records that have gain- ed popularity and acclaim in the field of recorded music. To those of you who are par- ticularly interested in "Swing Music" we would have you hear a new album recently released by the Victor Company entitled "A Symposium of Swing." This album is composed of four twelve inch records, and the orchestras of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Good- man, Bunny Berigan and the "butterball of the keyboard," "Fats" Waller, are featured. Each of these great bands bring to you the tunes that have helped them on their way to fame. Tommy Dorsey's contribution is "Beale Street Blues," which shares honors with "Stop, Look and Listen." There is really some fine "go work" in these two tunes and the solos by Tom- my, "Pee Wee" Irwin (trumpet), Johnny Mince (saxophone), and Bud Freeman (tenor sax), are particularly outstanding. Benny Goodman devoted both sides of his record to the record- ing of Part I and II of "Sing, Sing Sing." This is a free fan- tasy in swing, and you will spend a very delightful ten minutes lis- (Continued on Page 32) Sports by Paul Hunt About this time of the year, when the sports pages of the land are splashed with football, a far- flung organization known as the Gridiron Gripers Group begins to assemble on the various cam- puses, and in big cities harboring powerful alumni clubs. To belong to this club is an easy matter. First, you must show a stadium seat stub for last Saturday's game between your school and its opponent-prefer- ably a member of the conference you play in. Then you must prove that you have the right frame of mind to belong. You must firmly believe that one or two defeats are enough to wash up your team for the season. You must be certain in saying that your club couldn't win a ball game with a fifteen-man team and twenty-point handicap. Further, you must be loud in proclaiming to the world that your aged grandfather who had a leg shot off at Shiloh could make the team without getting out of his wheel chair. You must single out the coach and lay serious question to his mentality and to wind it all up, you must suspect the squad of having charlie horses between the ears. The Missouri chapter of this loyal band is now on the way to being fully organized and the membership list is crowded. Its policy of pessimistic prophecies is taking root with former pre- season optimism strewn to the winds. Heroes of early fall work- outs are now hicks of the worst degree according to the brothers, and Old Mizzou is taking a head- er into what can be nothing but a disastrous season of play. In the first issue of this little literary gem, the prediction was made that Missouri would swing into a winning season with much gusto by "sending Colorado by the boards." That happy event never materialized. The Tiger fans all know the score of that mountain engagement and most of the details of the game so there is no percentage in raking up dead coals. The game is a thing of the past. It was too high an altitude and too damn much Colorado- particularly one Whizzer White -that handed Missouri the loss. But because of that, the Gridiron Gripers' Group is at full bay, ar- guing until dawn that the Tigers are through for the season. The following week, the Tigers tied a knot in the Kansas Aggies' tail to the tune of 14-7.. Even this did not silence the loyal brothers. A fluke, they assert. Couldn't happen again in a million games. A well known newspaper located in the second largest city in Mis- souri joined the boys in their howls about this game. Game statistics show that the Bengals outplayed their invading foes in every department of the game, outgaining them and, although ragged in spots, outplaying them. And yet this example of unbiased journalism came to the fore with their headlines branding the game "A Gift to the Tigers." Nevertheless, Missouri today is tied for first place in the Big Six chase. The team standings don't mention that the Tigers got in that first place tie by a fluke. They put Missouri in a bracket with Nebraska because each team has met and defeated one conference foe. Then, too, there is one question which the grave digging brigade hasn't cleared up. Is it considered a fluke when one team, playing heads up football, takes advan- tage of every opportunity to the fullest extent to convert an op- ponent's misjudgment into a touchdown? It is interesting to guess as to what the brothers, and more par- ticularly, our newspaper friends to the west of the state, would be saying if Kansas State had scored the way Missouri did- by falling on a loose ball over the goal line. Probably hymnals of praise would be in order and a path of roses would be strewn before the cleated feet of the re- turning heroes. And would the local brothers be mentioning the fact that the Aggies scored on a fluke? Certainly not. They would continue to hawk their dead fish through smoke filled rooms and enlarge upon what a fool so-and-so turned out to be. They would be dragging out the old cracks about "handles on the ball," "road maps for Missouri's quarterbacks," and the Tiger's "transformation from a pre- season killer into a shy house- cat." By the time this issue goes to (Continued on Page 32) page eleven SHAME ON YOU (Continued from Page 8) Why, some of my most inti- mate friends are Hottentots and Tasmanians. My record as treas- urer of Sigma Alpha Row shows that I was unprejudiced and in- discriminate. I voted for every- thing, no matter what it was. Honest, I didn't do anything. * * * HOW MAN ON STREET VIEWED BROWN'S TALK By the Dissipated Press St. Louis: Jake Blake, cab driv- er, "It'll be in the paper? Hello, Ma !" Chicago: Lucy Lazar, milliner, "I don't know much about it, but if it is all right, I'm for it." Oshkosh: Sam Hamm, unem- ployed, "I can't say anything. I'm signed up on the Mushy Shaving Cream man-on-the-street broad- cast tonight. * * * Editorial excerpts from nation's papers: Saskatchewan Sneer:- Horri- ble. Washington Whiz:- Disgust- ing. Esau Enlightener:-Revolting. Sampson's Corner Gazette:- What the hell happened to the Zippy Fiddlers? LIST OF QUES- TIONS WHICH CRITICS DECLARE BROWN FAILED TO ANSWER He failed to tell: 1. What he got out of it. 2. Why Dean Heckel ad- dresses the freshmen. 3. If Columbia will get a city manager. 4. What the governor of North Carolina said. 5. The truth about Hitler and Mussolini. 6. What the hell did happen to the Zippy Fiddlers. page twelve SHOWME SHOW (Continued) Adam would have been better without, is finding MARY EL- LEN DACY not at all super- fluous-women's wiles and wom- en's smiles, Tommy- Two of a kind : It is being said that DUTTON BROOKFIELD and MARY MEIER are acquir- ing the same "our minds are on something far, far better" expres- sion from so much association with each other. Just wondering : What Sigma Nu was spied in the dark mop- ing on the house steps because the night and the bushes had swallowed his shoes? Why BILL EYLAR is known among his brethren tried and true as " Pow'r- house?" When RHODA REIN- HOLD and HEINIE MAHLEY are going to take the last vows? Where NORMAN SMITH pick- ed up his case of hives? (Continued on Page 29) Campus Toggery The Jacqueline Shop THE PLEDGE LISTS (Editor's Note: The printer couldn't find any stars to rate the pledges so we were forced to use the triangles-but triangles or stars or asterisks, they all mean the same thing. We sent classifiers out to rate the pledges on FIRST IMPRESSION. We told them this-"Rate the pledge as you would mentally if you were going to date her or him, and had just met her or him. We want merely your first impression of the person. Don't try to compare the pledges with other pledges on the campus-merely compare them with the other pledges in that particular house. Give four stars sparingly." That's what we told the classifiers and here are the results. Those with NO STAR WERE NOT PRESENT TO BE RATED. EVERY PLEDGE VIEWED GOT AT LEAST ONE STAR. Now read 'em and weep-we're off to Shanghai for the week-end where it'll be more peaceful.) Name Arthur Merchant-------------- Walter Weisbecker ----------- Robert Smith--------------- Byron Jackson --------------- Howard Oeder _-------------. Scott McLean -------------- Vernon Schmidt ------------- Frederick Irion-------------- Paul Black ------------------. Ted Betz -------------------- Harry Beltzig---------------- Frank Matteson ------------- Wendell Eaton ------------ Phillip Meyer---------------- Wilbur Haseman----- ------- Charles Murrell ---------.... Libby Painter ------------- Betty Carpenter ------------ Mary Trapp ----------------- Betty Becker ---------------- Ruth Lang------------------ Nell Austin----------------- Ruby Wellman -------------- Jean Chappell ------------- Edna Kavanaugh------------- Barbara Matthews---------- Alice Fisher-----------------. Betty Dixon----------------- Kathleen Cowing ------------ Betty Gale Vogt ------------ Sarah Astner---------------- Peggy Crowther -------------. Iva Lou Yetter------------- Barbara Carpenter----------- Barbara White --------------- Jean Ott -------------------- Sarah Helen Davis ----------- Mary Lou Weilacher--------- Billie Strunck ---------------. Betty Lynn Hungate --------. Dortha Frerer--------------- Sarah Marie Delzell --------- Doris Marsh ---------------- Mavis Lynch ---------------- Josephine Craig--------------- Helen Boillot ---------------- Helen Goldstein-------------- Rivian Fayman -------------- Sally Becker ----------------- Cecile Cohen ---------------- Harriette Hauffman----------- Bernice Peltzman ------------ Frances Mallon -------------- Shirley Knell ---------------- Arlene Newman -------------- Bernice Gordon -------------- Eleanor Davidson------------ Hermine Kline--------------- Janice Jacobs --------------- Anne Etta Waldner----------- Marion Navran-------------- Joyce David ----------------- Maxine Schenker ------------. Buddy Schwartz-------------- Joy Yousem ----------------- Jeanne Mannheimer ---------- Ruth Baer --------- Helen Fink------------------ Marcella Rodin ------------- ACACIA Home Town Amsterdam, N. Y. River Edge Manor, N. J.--- Shabbona, Ill.---------------- Mendon---------------------- Stanhope, N. J...------------ University City-------------- St. Louis ----------- Kansas City----------------- Maplewood----------------- Park Ridge, Ill.---------------- St. Louis ------- - ------ Columbia---- ------------ St. Louis-------- --------- Rocheport-------- -----------. Columbia ----------- Nebraska--------------------- ALPHA CHI OMEGA Painton-------------------- Rivermiines ------------------ Webster Groves------------- St. Louis-------------------- St. Louis---- ----------------. St. Joseph-------------------- San Diego, Calif. ..------------- Houston, Tex.------------- St. Louis -------------------- Farmington--------........--- Eldon, Iowa----------------- Columbia------------------- Homewood, Ill.-------------- Columbia-.. ---.------------ Little Rock, Ark.------------- Louisiana--- ----------------- Henrietta ----------------- Columbia------------------- St. Joseph-------------------- Sedalia ----_---------------- ALPHA DELTA PI Wesbter Groves- ------------. St. Louis-------------------- Christopher, 11l.------------- Columbia-------------------. Jasper--------------------- Springfield------------------- Belleville, Ill.---------------- Memphis, Mo.---------------- St. Louis-------------------- Boonville ----------------- ALPHA EPSILON PHI Hannibal------------------- Springfield------------------- Sikeston--------------------- St. Louis-------------------- Kansas City----------------- Kansas City----------------- Harrisonville----------------- Los Angeles, Calif.------------ Kansas City------------------ El Paso, Texas-.------------- Forrest City, Ark.------------- Joplin. ----- ------- Big Springs, Tex.----------- Kansas City----------------- Kansas City------------------ Kansas City----------------- Chicago, Ill.------------------ Kansas City----------------- Omaha, Neb.---------------- St. Louis-------------------- St. Louis -------------------- Merigold, Miss.-------------- Kansas City ----------------- Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating ALPHA GAMMA DELTA Name Eileen Leathers-------- Helen Seever_---- ---- Dorothy Coard -------------- Lucille Hoffarth_______ Avis Mcllvany-------- Minerva Haydon------- Rachel Jensen_------- Muirene Rebbe--------- Jane Penfold --------------- Dorothy Chynoweth_----- Dona Stiles_-------- Anne Shock_-------- Margaret Reeves_------ Betty Matteson------- Margaret Sheppard------ Jean Steber_--------- Charlene Hartmann_---- Una May Palmer_----- Mary Banks------------- Homer Cloninger--- __- Joe Edmunson-------------- Fred Nibbelink------------- James Parish-___----_------ Bud Ball------------------- Ed Stuart------------------ Gene Bales_--------------- Joe H. Copps--------------- Bob Weise_----------------- Charlie Ryan_--------------- Sam Brady ----------------- Gordon Cupps_--- _------ Harry Klaus--------------- Earl Straub---------------- Jr. Williamsen -------------- Donald Spicer_--------- -- Chauncey Earl------------- Robert Patterson----------- Dale Wright---------------- Jerry Baker_--------------- Marvin Stickrod ------------ Howard Wrenn------------- Edward Froman ------------ Eldon Hixson------------- Charles Glascock ----------- Glen Brock ---------------- Raymond Powell----------- Harold Balser___------------ Russell Hellensmith----- Mary Louis Dawe ---------- Helen Suttle---------------- Martha Henderson---------- Jo Ann Mason ------------- Margaret Pate-------------- Mary Kay Hess------------- Lois Stoerger-_------------- Ruth Senesac--------------- Jane Keithley--------------- Jane Ann Dunn------------- Winafred Snoddy------------ Christina Henschel----------- page fourtren Home Town Diamond----------- St. Louis--------------- Amarillo, Tex. --____--__ .._-__ Columbia------__ -- Clarendon, Tex._- __--- Columbia - - ------ . Eolia----- ------- Webster Groves---------_ Stewartville, Minn.___---- Columbia--------___ -_ Princeton----- -- ^__-- Columbia---------- Farmington----------- Columbia ------------- Columbia------ ----- Spencer, W.Va. - ----- Kansas City---------- Columbia------------ Oregon -------------- ALPHA GAMMA RHO St. Charles--------- Springfield---------- Springfield------------ Montgomery City-------__---- Martinburg-- ____--- Savannah__ - ------- Libertyville_ _ _ ------- Sedalia------------ Grain Valley------------- Orrick----------- Granby_-------------------- Salisbury_____--------------- Salisbury------------------ Curryville-------------------- Slaton--__------------------- ALPHA GAMMA SIGMA Jasper---------------------- Jasper__-------------------- S Hamburg, Ia.---------------- Lockwood------------------- Windsor__------------------- Stockton--------------------- Gower--------------------- Gower__-------------------- Hamilton-------------------- Ridgeway------------------- Buffalo---------------------- Polo---------------------- Huntsville------------------- ALPHA PHI Richmond, Va.-------------- Aberdeen, S. D.-------------- Liberty--------------------- Mexico---_------------------ Grafton, N. D.-------------- Kansas City----------------- St. Louis--------------------- Springfield, Il--------- Frankford------------------- Le Grange, Ga.......-- ------- Gilliam_--------------------- Kansas City------------------ Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating LAMENT OF A COLLEGE EDITOR Pity! Pity! Pity! I am a college editor! As if this information were not sufficient to wring tears of sym- pathy from you, know further that I am not an ordinary college editor, but am-you guessed it-the Editor of this magazine. But perhaps you do not fully real- ize the horror contained in this an- nouncement. Then harken unto me: First of all, you must understand that my reputation is ruined forever. No one will take me seriously regard- less of how gloomy I strive to ap- pear. For instance, it's night, and it's spring, and it's on the campus,-both the season and the place for love. And I'm alone. And then I meet a friend, and he's walking with a dream. And I figure on sharing her with him till we can ditch him. So I slide over and he introduces me, but then, God! he says: "He's the Editor of the hu- mor magazine." And immediately she smiles and looks at me curiously, as if expecting me suddenly to stand on my head or to let out a war-whoop. or do something else nonsensical. And then, of course, there's the matter of jokes. During the year I have been told at least one joke by every student on the campus, jokes that are sad, jokes that are dirty, jokes that are punny, but mostly jokes that aren't jokes at all. You may think this is funny, but it isn't. Everyone who hears a joke considers it his duty to report said joke to me (at least one a day) with the re- minder: "You might use it in the magazine." And worst of all, each time I hear the joke, the teller would, of course, expect me to laugh. And I'd have to comply, or else he'd get the idea that the staff of the humor magazine was lacking a sense of hu- "That's S. S. Van Lees, the famous mystery story writer." mor. So I'd laugh. Yes, I'd laugh- sometimes like a mad man. Nor is this all. No. The matter doesn't stop there. I have also been made the victim of jokesters. For in- stance, every day for two -weeks, I received letters from different ammu- nition houses all over the country offering to sell me a gun. But the saddest part I have saved for last. This concerns the necessity of turning out a humorous magazine even though I, at the moment, might feel anything but funny. F'rinstance: I wake up in the morning with indi- gestion. Outside it is cold and rain- ing. I forgot to wear my rubbers, and on the way to class I discover a hole in my shoe. I get to school late. and have to pay a library fin for keeping a book out five minutes more than I should have. I go to class and every- body hands in papers; I have forgot- ten that they were due. On the way out the professor calls me to his office and wants to know what seems to be the matter lately. "You do want to pass the course, don't you?" he asks coyly. I leave him and bump into my best friend who confides in me that the last issue of the magazine was really lousy. I step into the post-office and get a letter from the girl friend who writes: "I've played you for all you're worth, sucker. Now, to heck with you!" I begin to feel pretty angry. I go to my office. I sit down at the typewriter. I hit the keys, and they get stuck. I take off my shoes and tickle my feet. I become hysterical. I cry: "Laugh, clown, laugh." And that's how each issue is born. TRAGEDY Flora met Katrinka at the grocery store. She hadn't seen her friend for a fortnight. Katrinka was alone. "Why, Katrinka, where's Wilber- force?" "Hello, Flora," greeted Katrinka. "Haven't you heard?" "No." "Wilberforce and I are divorced." "But I thought you two were get- ting along swell. What happened?" "First promise that you wouldn't tell a soul." "You know me, Katrinka, not a soul." "Well, Wilberforce made me wash his back every Saturday night." "Why Katrinka, you should be ashamed of yourself. Divorcing Wil- berforce just because he made you wash his back. You should have been glad." "You don't understand. I was glad to do it. But last Saturday night his back was already washed!" "Son, how often must I tell you it isn't good manners to dip your bread in the gravy?" "Yes, father, but it is good taste." Coach: Say there, you dumb boob, where did you ever learn to play foot- ball? Scrub: Why - eh - from reading your book, sir. "Why do the people of Samoa wear so little clothing?" "Guess it's too hot for Samoa." Visitor (in early morning, after week-end, to chauffeur) : Don't let me miss my train. Chauffeur: No danger, sir. The missus said if I did, it'd cost me my job. On a street-car a man gave his seat to a woman. She fainted. On recover- ing she thanked him. Then he fainted. "I used to know Mr. Smithers, who was with your firm. I understand that he is a tried and trusted em- ployee- " The banker looked at his question- er very coldly. "He was trusted, yes; and he will be tried, if we are fortu- nate enough to catch him." "All extremely bright men are con- ceited." He shrugged his shoulders grace- fully. "Oh, I don't know; I'm not." "Sweetheart, if I'd known the tun- nel was that long, I'd have given you a kiss." "Gracious! Wasn't that you?" Mamma: George, dear, come kiss your new governess. George: No; I don't dare to, I'm afraid. Daddy kissed her yesterday and she slapped his face. "I hope you're not afraid of mi- crobes," apologized the pay-teller as he cashed the young instructor's check with soiled currency. "Don't worry," replied the young man, "a microbe couldn't live on my salary." "And you can't multiply 26 by 86, Charley? I'll bet Henry can do it in less than no time." "I shouldn't be surprised. They say fools multiply very rapidly, these days." WHO KNOWS Alex was out of work. To make matters worse he wasn't even on the W. P. A. or receiving relief. But this didn't seem to make much difference to his wife, Anna, who kept present- ing him with a child every year. "Listen, Anna," Alex pleaded after she had presented him with his sixth heir, "I'm out of work; I'm making no money; I can't even feed you let alone all these other mouths. This has got to stop or I'll do something drastic!" Alex found contentment during the following year working out anagrams from the words on his diploma until late in September when his wife pre- sented him with a set of triplets. Alex went wild. This was the limit. "I'm warning you that if you have one more child, just one more, mind you, I'm going to commit suicide." Anna cried, but swore by everything that was sacred to her that the stork would never visit their house again. When the year rolled around, and Anna once again presented Alex with a ten-pound baby boy, Alex grabbed a pistol and ran into the bathroom. He lifted the gun and pointed the nozzle against his head, looking into the mirror at himself all the while. He was just about to pull the trigger when he suddenly stopped and talk- ing to his reflection in the mirror, shrugged his shoulders and said, "I better not do this. Who knows, I may be killing an innocent man." A gentleman was much surprised when the good-looking young lady greeted him by saying, "Good even- ing." He could not remember ever having met her before. She evidently realized her mistake for she apologized and explained: "Oh, I'm so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father of two of my children." She walked on while the man stared after her. She did not realize, of course, that he was unaware that she was a school teacher. Chesterfield Cigarettes Briggs Pipe Mixture Name Bob St. John_-------------- Charles LeRoi------------- Walt Keil----------------- John Pahlow_-------------- Bob Senior---------------- Gregory Dunn_------------- Tom York------------_----- Russell Hart_-------------- Oliver Neuner-------_------ Earl Douglas --------------- Bill Dejarnette------------_ Harvey Patton------------- Charlie Crump_------------ Marshall Dugger ----_---- Ralph Schnebelan-_--------- Robert Ford------------- Eugene Browning-- ------- Mat Kaemmeerer------------ Charley Johansen --------- Jack Fabri ... - ----- George Crowe-- ---------- Joe Dickson --------------- Walter Rott --------------- Bob Rasar -___.. - ------- Harry Missildine------- Bob Bryan ------.--------- John Rasse ----.. ---.-.--- Jack Barnes -------------- Barney Propst ------------- Charles Candle __.---------- Pershing Wilson Bill Armentrout..--------- Tom Bates.------------.- Bill Beard..-------------- Harry Broadhead------- Bill Butts- .-- Dick Gale --------------. Bob Glenn ------------ Bob Halliday------------ Ralph Hammond --------- Bob Hedges -------------- Emory James------------ Condon Johnson -------- Bob Marshall__.----- Bob Preston..------------ Geo. Richmond ----------- Allen Schreiber_____. _ Bob Sconce --------- Herbert Scott------------ Bob Seelen .------------- Harry Viot-------------- Ed White-...------------ Jack Wright_------- ALPHA SIGMA PHI Home Town St. Louis--- ------- St. Louis-------_-___-- Chicago, I11.____ll. -- Lamar __--- __ ____ Mt. Vernon------------ St. Louis----------- Roselet, N. J.---------__---_- St. Louis __-----_ ----- St. Louis ------------- Columbia__----------_- Kansas City----- ---- St. Louis----------- Columbia------- ------------- St. Louis ---------- Webster Groves-------- St. Louis_ .-- _______ Kansas City--------- St. Louis--------------- ALPHA TAU OMEGA New Jersey-.------------------ Taylorville, 111....---- .---- ------ Sullivan---------------------- Carrollton--- -------------.-- St. Louis------------ -------- Taylorville, 111.-...-- ..... Tulsa, Okl a. -------- ------ Charles City, Iowa_- ----- Marshall- _------------------ Sedalia--.--- __-- -------------- Kansas City--------- St. Louis-_----------------- Kansas City.----------------. BETA THETA PI Greeley, Colo.-------------- Shelbina.------- --------- Tulsa Okla.------------------ St. Joseph-------------------- Joplin------------------- Chillicothe--------------- Columbia------------- St. Joseph---------- Fulton--------------- Excelsior Springs ._---__--___. Kansas City--------- St. Joseph---------- Kansas City---------- Kansas City------------------- St. Joseph.-------_____--____- St. Joseph-__-------_--------- Omaha, Neb .__-----------__.. Larchmont, N. Y._------ Sedalia----------------__ -____ Kansas City _.... . . .. . Kansas City --- - - - -. - Gower----__. --__ ___--______- Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating Name Betty Woody .-------_- _____- - Elizabeth Hartley-_____--____.. Edith Merrisett_------_-- Edith Burgard----------------- Bobby Geisert--__- _____ Kitty Hudson --_---__---___- Marjory Casteel __- ___ Martha Creamer_-------- Ella May Scott_------_ Ann Askren---------- Marjorie Joyce_-------__ Catherine Lindley------- Margaret Bailey_------_ Betty McKim-------.----..-- Dorothy Morris --------------- Jane DeGuire ----------------- Gwen Oliver ---------___-_____ Elizabeth McNerny------_____ Bobbie Price --------------._.. Margaret Ryan ________ Marilyn Buescher -_------_____. Esther Shaffer __ Betty Culbertson ----------.--- Francis Conway ____-________- . Virginia Ames ------------_____ Jane Crysler -----------_-____. Margie Schuber ---____--___-.. Alice Ann Speer___ _________- . Ferol Eirtnan _---_--________- . Kathleen Newsum-__----- Roberta Carver ---------_____ Elizabeth Bellenger ________ Betsy Noyes ------------------ Harriet Judge --._-__________.. Betty Miles ----------------__ Lorraine Elswick ---____---_-. Virginia Adair Connie Baca_- __----- Sarah Bagby-_------------- Jane Birr__----------__---__ Mary Ann Bovard -------- Rose Marie Brueggeman-- __-. Mary Brooking--- ---- Barbara Browne___------ Lucie Byers----------------- Julia Chase----------------- Laura Cockefair_------------ Mary Ellen Costolow------- Aline Day------------------ Anna Mae Dickie------- Barbara Griffith------------- Martha Ellen Green----- Nancy Hawkes----------- Vera Holman-------------- Mary Jewett ---------------- Elizabeth Kautz-------------- Billie Little ----------------- Virginia McFarland--------- Virginia Mutz ___-_--------- Nanette Rountree------- CHI OMEGA Home Town Golden City______- -- Savannah, Ga. --------- Dayton, Ohio_---------- Mascoutah, 111.-------- Washington____----- Bartlesville, Okla. _ ----- Columbia___- Kansas City-__------ Colorado _ __________ Jackson, Tenn.________- Bucklin- -______-- Greenwood, S. C.___ -- DELTA DELTA DELTA Independence------------__-__ E oonville------- -- - - - Frederickstown_--____________. St. Louis_-____ ----_______-. ..__ Carthage------------____-____ Columbia----------___ _______ Hot Springs, Ark._______ Columbia------------ __._-__ Ft. Leavenworth, Kan. -._______ Vandalia----._-_____ _-_______ Kansas City --__-------______. Webster Groves-----------____ Caruthersville-------------____ University City________ Sr. Louis----__--____________- Memphis, Mo.___ New Madrid---------------- Ft. Smith, Ark._-__-______ Altus, Okla. ------------_____- St. Louis-------------___--____ New Madrid------------_-____ Kansas City__________ Ft. Smith, Ark.-___-_--___--- DELTA GAMMA Kansas City---- _____ Santa Fe, N. M.___---_-___. . New Haven_---- -____ St. Louis--__-___-__________. Maryville -----------_-__--__ St. Louis -------.-- ____ Gainesville, Fla.___-________- St. Louis----____-____ Kansas City-____-___ St. Louis---------- Warrensburg________ Kansas City_________ Fulton _-----_______-.______- St. Louis-----_--______ Harrisonville_________ Osceola______________________ Frinceton__________ Unionville--___--______ Jefierson City____ _____ Bethanyv ____- ___--___-- - - Ft. Scott, Kan.__- ____ Kansas City-__________-____- Maryville_____________ Rockdale, Tex.______ Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating Name Mary Ann Sargent -------- Margaret Stephenson ------ Jeanne Tyler -------------- Dorothy Sue Wells ------ Betty Wire--------------- Chuck Beatte ------------- Dave Dickens------------ Fred Haines ------------- Bill Coleman .------------ John Lancey_-------------- Bill Burrell --------------- Walter Momyer------------ Bancroft Davis----------- John Hoover------------- Halsten Quinn------------- Don Boardman ----------- Paul Cunningham---------- Joe Johnson -------------- Elston Brewer ----------- Jack Hosford ----.. ------- Robert Symmons __------- Bert Gage ---------------- Charles Marsh------------- Frank O'Conner- -------- I)Dale Bermond------------ Charles Clark--------------- Pat Rodemacher __---..----- Royal Schwendinger -------- Don Waddilove __---------- Dick Flannery -------------- Frank Clark --------------- Tom Burns ---------------- Joe Wall------------------ Don Harris ----------------- Duke Windsor -------------- Joe Robertson-------------- Gordon Albrecht------------- John Burson --------------- Jesse Clants _-------------- Tom Doak ----------------- Hershell Gaddy------------- Max Goodman-------------.. Woodrow Graham ----------- Clouis Jones_ --------------- Harley Kennedy ------------ Brice Kietley--------------- Sterling Kyd _--------------- James McCall -------------- Byron McDaniel------------ Harlan Mills --------------- James Mulkey_-------------- Emmett Rinnell ------------ Lewis Smith ---------------- Marshall Reeves ------------ John Dickey ---------------- Dorothy Thieman ---------- Betty Ann Root ----------- Helen Davis ---------------- Mary Elizabeth Smith ------ Florence Fellows -----------. Jane 'I horen_--------------- Elsie Mohr---------------- Jane Hemphill- ------------ DELTA GAMMA-(Continued) Home Town St. Louis-------------------- Columbia--_------------------ Kansas City----------------- Blue Springs ---------------- Belleville, 111.---------------- DELTA TAU DELTA Kansas City----------------- St. Joseph------------------- Hannibal------------------- Kansas City_---------------- Ottumwa, Iowa-------------- Kansas City----------------- Indepndendence------------- Sterling, Colo._-------------- Tulsa, Okla. ---------------- Blue Springs----------------- St. Francis, Kan.------------_ Sterling, Colo. _-- .--------- St. Joseph---- Carrolltown----------------- Portland, Ore.------------ Scottsbluff, Neb. _____.. -... -- Evanston, Ill1._-------------- Ottawa, 111 __..- .------- Kansas City----------------- St. Joseph---------------- DELTA UPSILON Wheaton, Ill.----------------- Wheaton, Ill.---------------- St. Louis-------------------- Ridgeway------------------- Nova Scotia----------------- Clarksdale, Miss.------------- Willow Springs.--------------- Springfield-------------------- Ft. Scott, Kan.--------------- St. Louis-------------------- Chicago, Ill.----------------- FARMHOUSE Illmo----------------------- Mt. Vernon------------------ Steelvillee-------------------- Gallatin--------------------- Fair Grove------------------ Mt. Vernon------------------- Eldon---------------------- Versailles-------------------- Bethany---------------------- Columbia..----------------- Fair Grove--__-------------- Fortune--------------------- Neosho_--------------------- Butler---------------------- Steelville -------------------- Edina---------------------- Charleston------------------- De Soto --------------------. GAMMA PHI BETA Boonvillee------------------- St. Louis-------------------- Kansas City----------------- Louisiana--__---------------- Pittsburgh, Pa.--------------- Chicago, I11.----------------- Kansas City----------------- Kennett--------------------. Hgt. Wi. Hair Rating Name Harriett Ochsenbein------ Dorothy Devin------------- Virginia Oliphant------------ Dorothy Remley------------- Jeanne Long----------------- Betty Bond_----------------- Betty Lee Pace _----------- Marjorie Maxwell_---------- Daisy Schrom---------------- Eleanor Vagnino-------------- Phyllis Simpson -------------- Marty Burge ---------------- Elinor Wiley --------------- Hugh Ashley ---------------- Elmer Bandy----------------- Hugh Brixey---------------- Gene Godt------------------ Glenn Graf ------------------ Jim Holman ----------------- Lafayette Howard------------ Bob Mohr _------------------ Paul McCann ---------------- Earl Ray--------------------- John Talbert ----------------- Tom Talbert ---------------- Paul Teegarden--------------- Harry Wilson ---------------- Orrick Whitehead ------------- Hugh Winfrey --------------- Robert Zelle ---------------- Tom Douglass--------------- Jean Martin ----------------- Marjorie Ellis ---------------- Maxine Lehnen -------------- Jane Edgerly ----------------- Gertrude Guinn -------------- Gloria Phillips---------------- Jean Stoke ------------------- Jane Carr -------------------- Louise Moser ---------------- Catherine Oakerson----------- Harriet Jones---------------- Becky Rule_------------------ Pat Draper ------------------ Mary Davidson-------------- Mary Graham ---------------- Orilla Ann Trippe ------------ Pat O'Flaherty --------------- Jean Guernsey -------------- Virginia Roberts-------------- Jeannette DeWyl ------------ Mary Hodson---------------- Laura Louise Dille------------ Jane Logan ------------------ Nancy Holdan --------------- Marie Hansen----------------- Sue Davis------------------- Margie Cherry --------------- Ann Louise Zimmerman------- Betty Gray------------------ Margaret Jane Clothier_-__ _- Stevie Slaughter_------------- Allen Brunk------------------ Everett Dunnuck------------- Joseph Hana----------------- Roy Jacobs------------------ Alexander Martin------------- Paul Mansfield --------------- GAMMA PHI BETA-(Continued) Home Town Hgt. Joplin---------------------- Kansas City ---------------- Columbia------------------- St. Louis-------------------- Kansas City----------------- Kansas City----------------- Smithville_--------------- St. Louis-------------------- Columbia-------------------- Kansas City----------------- Ames, Iowa------------------ Kansas City----------------- Fredonia, Kan.-------------- KAPPA ALPHA Cape Girardeau-------------- Nevada _-------------------- Cassville-------------------- Ft. Smith, Ark.-------------- Rhineland-------------------- Wentzvillee------------------- Gasconade------------------- Kansas City----------------- Aurora---------------------- Louisiana------------------- Columbia_--------------- Cassville-------------------- Trenton _-------------------- Frederick, Okla.--------------- Kimmswick------------------ Lebanon-------------------- St. Louis ------------------- Columbia --__--------------- KAPPA ALPHA THETA Kansas City------------------ Mexico_---------------------- Columbia ------------------- St. Petersburg, Fla.----------- Tulsa, Okla.----------------- Columbia -------------------- Malden---------------------- Augusta, Kan.------------- Kansas City------------------ Jefferson City---------------- Kansas City_----------------- Louisiana-------------------- Oklahoma City, Okla.-.-------- Kansas City, Kans.----------- Kansas City ----------------- Kansas City .----------------- Little Blue----------------- Kansas City ------------ ---- Denver, Colo..---------------- Jefferson City ---------------- Kirkwood ------------------- Maplewood ------------------ Nevada --------------------- Albany----------------------- Memphis, Tenn.-------------- Macon --------------------- Shawnee, Okla._------------- Lawson --------------------- Columbia ------------------- Tulsa, Okla. ---------------- Kansas City ------------------ LAMBDA CHI ALPHA Columbia ------------------- Kansas City ---------------- Kansas City----------------- St. Louis--------------------- St. Louis-------------------- St. Joseph------------------ Wt. Hair Rating KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA Ann Simrael-------- Jane Stanton ------- Lillian Rose-------------- Emma Barnhill_----- Mildred Mitchell_--------- Harriet Collins------------- Kay Downs -------------- Virginia Wade------------- Betty Jacque Smith____- Kathryn Keets------------- Helen Smith-------- Betty Brownlee_ ----- Floyd Hoss ------------ Maudie Guinotte_------ Margaret Ellen Peobles_-- Kathryn Smith __-------- Becky Blane -------------- Betty Lou Crisp ---------- Mary McKnight ---------- Mary Lou McAllister _----- Mary Maud Clinkscales----- Cox, Dallas--------------- Cos, Harvey ---------- Crum, Archer ------------- Decker, Randall --------- Faulkner, Omar ------_--- Garside, Sherwin----------- Gilham, James ------------ Herbst, Gene ------------- Miller, Jack_ _--_ --------- Miller, Edward _---------- Moomaw, Paul _____----- Moore, Ernest ----------- Moore, Ralph ______-___- - Morrison, Harry --------- Morron, Joe ------------- O'Brien, Charles ---------- Patek, Byron-------------- Ries, Robert ____- ------ Riley, Robert ------------- Rummel, Darwin---------- Sohnick, William --------- Sloan, Jack---------------- Vanatta, Robert --------- Whalen, Jack-------------- Wipke, Victor -___-__--_- Woodson Von Osdol----- Bill Ready---------------- Jack Dickman----------- Jack Garrison-------------- Johnny Dobler ------------ Truesdale Payne----------- Army Dwyer--------------- Johnny Daniel------------- R. H. Prigmore ------------ Joe Doughty -------------- Tom Thomas ------------- Jack Krueger -------------- Jim Rogers---------------- Boonville- Chicago, Ill.----- --- Little Rock, Ark.--------- Marshall ----------- Kansas City--------- Kansas City_----- --- Ft. Leavenworth, Kan..__------ Kansas City_-------- Kansas City------------------ Springfield---------- Baxter Springs, Kan.----- Brookfield----- Tulsa, Okla. -----__ ---------- Kansas City--------- Paris, Tenn. --------- Fayette_--------_ ------------ Jopli n ------------_ ...-------- Kansas City---------__-__---.. St. Louis------- Kansas City------------------ Columbus - - ..--------------- KAPPA SIGMA Perryville __--------- St. Louis-------------------- Columbia--------------------- Callao-___------------------ St. Louis.------------------- Las Vegas, N. M.------------ Kansas City------------------ St. Louis.------------------- Gallatin ------------- Kansas City------------------ Corpus Christi, Tex.----- St. Louis --_---------------- Chillicothe-------------------. St. Louis-------------------- Liberty------------------- St. Louis-------------------- Chillicothe------------------- St. Louis ------------------- Okmulgee, Okla.------------- Kansas City----------------- Chicago, Il1. _____--------- -- Denver, Colo.----------------- Columbia -------------------- St. Louis ------------------- St. Louis-------------------- PHI DELTA THETA Brookfield --------------------- Kansas City------------------ St. Louis------------------- Shreveport, La. ----------- St. Joseph------------------- Kansas City----------------- Kansas City----------------- Kansas City---------------- Boonville-------------------- St. Louis---------------------- St. Joseph------------------- St. Louis--------------------- Kansas City------------- Name Charles Warner_ ------- ___-__-__ Ernie Robson--- --___---____-____ Dan Dietrick___ _________--_____- Tom Henderson---------- Barrow Motter-___________________ Larry Schulenburg ________________ Bob Stewart -____________________ Ed Buscher--_________________ Bob Heddrick ----_-.__- ....____ Frank Drum _____________________ Bob White -----------___------- Paul Hess -- __--_ ___- - - - - Cliff Smith--__ Dale Miller ----__ __- __- ..____... LeRoe Dixon -------------___-___ Bob Martz ---___-______________x Sam Rudder-------- _ ----------_ Jack Lackey-------------------- Jack Wrenn - --------------_ Bert Brooks------_---------- Paul Heck ----_-- ____- Watson Powell__---------------- Bob Stiegmeyer ---------__________ Booth Baughn --------------------- Booth Baughn--------__- _____ . Rush Limbaugh -------------------- Rush Limbaugh__________________ Paul Beuhner----_---------------- Frank Lane_ --_--------------_ Dudley Rumph_-----------------_ Barrie Young ----------_---------- Bill Freehoff _----- -----------_ Charles St. Peters---------- Butler Runnels-------------------- Albert Hollyfield_ ---------- Phil Bollard------------_------- James Christensen_--------------_- Ben Crawford------------_----__ Bob Fowler---___________________ Stacey Haines_----- ---------_--- Jahn Hanson_--------------------- Truman Jorgenson----------_-_-- Lyle Kendall ----------_--..------ Jack Landers--__-----_-----_----- Jack MoeKay--------_---------- Henry Mattox__----------------- Bill McClain-------------------- Walter Rouzer-_---------_------_ Ray Solan_--------_ --------___ _- Walt Snyder----------_--------- Buck Summer-----___----------- Jim Wandel_ -------------------- Murray Wenzel_ ------------_----- Ramona Schroeder_-------------- Ruth Schnieder__----------------- Ryth Baumgartner --------------_ Sally Anne Carl------------------ Jane Cunningham -------------_-- Merne Bone_-------------------- Ruth Keller---------_----------- Peggy Morris-------------------- Bud Wilson--------------------- Chuck Benson_------------------ Adolph Berger-------_-------- Bernard Cohen------------------ Art Dreyer------ --------- Milton Gordon__--------- Martin Holtzmon---------------- Sonny Kline--------------------- Henry Leifer_----------------- N. Alex Lichtor___ Jack Sperling_ Joe Paul ------------------------ Cotton Perlstein_ --------------- Nat Zelekow--------------------- PHI DELTA THETA-(Continued) Home Town Hgt. Fort Smith, Ark.__..... St. Louis---------------- Springfield---------- Hainesville, La.___--- -- St. Joseph------------------- St. Louis--------------------- Springfield----------- Columbia------------- Jefferson City--------- Fort Smith, Ark.__ PHI GAMMA DELTA Kansas City--------- Macon_------------ Kansas City--------- St. Louis----------- St. Louis----------- Kirkwood---------- Jefferson City___ ------ Kansas City--------- Marceline_--------- Oklahoma City, Okla.----- University City------- Kirkwood-- St. Louis_ ___------ Rich Hill----------- Gape Girardeau__------ Kansas City____- ___- Council Bluffs, Iowa------ Eldorado, Ark.__-------- Kansas City_-------- Mexico City, Mex.______ Menominee, Mich.____-___ Riverside, Calif.------- Eldorado, Ark.-------- PHI KAPPA PSI Kansas City--------- Independence_--------- Terre Haute, Ind.-------- Waterloo, Iowa__ ------ Kansas City----------------- Cleveland, Ohio_---------- Chicago, Il1.______----- Houston, Tex.____- __-- Kansas City_-------- Kansas City------------------ Kansas City ___------ Columbia____------_---_ Kansas City--------- Clearmont, N. H. ____--------- Columbia_---------- Des Moines, Iowa------ Chicago, Ill.______ ____ Kansas City____ ----- PHI MU Washington----------- St. Louis_---------- Boone, Iowa----------- Columbia _____-_____ Washington, D. C._____- St. Louis------------ St. Louis----------- Columbia--____-- _____ PHI SIGMA DELTA New York, N. Y._---___-___- St. Louis_----------- St. Louis-----___- __---____.- New York, N. Y.---_--__-__- - New York, N. Y. ---_ - Atlantic City, N. J.___- St. Louis----------- Kansas City--------- Kansas City--------- Kansas City--------- New York, N. Y....____. San Francisco, Calif.-.......... Hartford, Conn. New York, N. Y.__... Wt. Hair Rating Name Rhoda Rubin _-------------- Felicia Hochman ------------ Rosalyn Engleberg ---------- Shirley Shickman ----------- Esther Feinberg ------------- Bess Moyn _---------------- Estelle Richman ------------. Sylvia Schultz- .------------- Alvin Oakes --------------- Bud Taylor ----------------- Bill Parent ---------------- Bob Haverfeld ------------- Gordon Williams ----------- Neil Barhamm -------------- Ray Oliver ----------------- Bill Wright ---------------- Glenn Lewis ----------------- L. R. Stanley --------------- Harry Hopton-------.......- Jim Giandalis---------------- Fred Rexford --------------- Wendell Schasserre---------- Carl Dixon_---------------- Tom Kister ---------------- Dick Dougherty ----------- Wally Nielson-------------- Lambert Stammerjohn ------- Betty Bradley -------------- Marilyn Bristow ------------ Naomi Carter --------------- Nancy Cortelyou-__--------- Edna May Fisher ---------- Jane Force ----------------- Jane Griffith ---------------- Carol Hudler __------------- Mary Margaret Jones--------- Peggy Maupin _------------ Mary Alice Messerly-------- Sue Anne Millsap----------- Maryellen Reyburn----------- Ruth Schifflin -------------- Virginia Scott --------------- Frances Shirkee-------....... Helen Stigall_ ------------- Betty Jane Thompson-------- Mary Ellen Wampler -------- India Webb----------------- Janet Wood --------------- Nancy Taylor -__-----_----- Fred Dannemen ------------ Lew Reeve ---------------- Albert H. Adams ----------- Bruce Jones_--------------- Jack Clarke ---------------- Clark Roser_------------- Charles Kimball----------- Byron Brugh------------- Tim Brown _---------------- Stantcn P. Johnston -------- PHI SIGMA SIGMA Home Town St. Louis.------------------- St. Louis----------- Shaw, Miss.------------------ St. Louis------------------- Kansas City---------------- Sapulpa, Okla._-------------- Eureka------------ St. Louis------------------ PI KAPPA ALPHA Kennett--------------------- University City-.------------ Maplewood_---------------- Maplewood------------------ Kansas City---------------- Crystal City--------- St. Charles------------------ Center_--------------------- St. Louis--------------------- Mendon------------------ St. Louis-------------------- St. Louis---------------- Grand Rapids, Mich. ---- St. Louis-------------------- Grand Rapids, Mich.- ---- St. Charles------------------ St. Louis-------------------- Detroit, Mich.---------------- Boonville--------------------- PI BETA PHI Kansas City_---------------- St. Louis-------------------- Casper, Wyo.--------- Kansas City------------------ Glasgow.--------------------- Kansas City.---------------- Kansas City----------------- Webster Groves------------- Okmulgee, Okla.------------ Gainesville, Tex.___----------- Sedalia---------------------- Jefferson City---------------- Leavenworth, Kan.------ Texarkana, Tex... Sedalia.--------------------- Columbia-------------------- Jefferson City_--------------- Kansas City----------------- Webb City ------------------ Kansas City_-------------- Oakland, Calif.-------------- Columbia------------------- SIGMA ALPHA EPSILON Cinci, nati, Ohio-------- Autin, Minn.----------------- West Plains----- ----- Shenandoah, Iowa-- St. Louis--------------------- West Plains ___---------- Kanas City.---------------- Kansas City ---------------- Ft. Leavenworth, Kan..---- - Red Clcud, Neb.-------------- Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating Name Robert Johnston_------ William Jolly-------- Mark Moore_-------- Jack Castor_---- ___ Joseph Castor __---_---___- - Arnold Pitts ---------------- Jack Kilpatrick_------ Richard Armstrong ----- Beverly Platt_------- John Thornell_ -- --- - George Taylor ____ _____ Al Seidel----------------- Jerry Seidel _----------_- Monte Wenner------------ Ray Leventhal------------ Mickey Singer------------ Ray Epstein ------------- Milton Cohen ------------ Joe Zenitsky ------------- Ben Goldberg ------------ Don Blotcky __----_----- Sam Kalish -------------- Gene Multin ------------- Charles May ------------ Arthur Olson -------- Wesley Cunningham --- Max Page -------------- Rex Boyd --------------- Jack Launder ------------ Neill Elliott ------------- Keith Aull--------------- Jim Plunkett------------- Bob Waldo ---------- Jim Starmer------------ Pete LeVec -------------- Jack Deweese--------- Joe Burns---------------- Charles Dewey ---------- Bill Eylar --------------- Vernon Stanford _-------- Ed Sour ----------------- Joe Carter_--------------- Steve Potter-------.......- Bob Murray -------------- Wally Beynon -__--------- Jim Hayes --------------- Ray Wendell ------------- Harry Klein -------------- Bob Hogeboom ----------- Bob Bristow-------------- Harrison Norton ---------- George Waters------------ Sam Morrow_------------ Bob Bennett_------------- Rex Taylor --------------- Frabk Hoffman------------ Richard Schultz----------- Grover Clark, Jr.----------. Myron E. Council--------- Jerry Haney -------------- Holme Hickman--------- Victor Lundemo _-------- Fred Somers ------------- Bill Nackenhorst --------- Ray Bauman------------ Burman Saunder--------- Dick Swindler------------ Bob Scana--------------- Carl Mieke_------------- James Welsh------------- Vic Tate ---------------- SIGMA ALPHA EPSILON-(Continued) Home Town Hgt. Wytheville, Va.------------- Trenton--------------------- Waseca, Minn.--------------- Wichita, Kan.-------- Kansas City----------------- Ft. Leavenworth, Kan.-------- Oklahoma City, Okla. Chicago, Ill.------------------ Kansas City--------- Sidney, Iowa--------------- Huntington, W.Va.---------- SIGMA ALPHA MU .- - St. Louis------------------- ------- St. Louis-------------------- .-- Sedalia----------------------- ---- St. Louis-------------------- .--- St. Louis_------------------ ------- St. Louis-------------------- ---- St. Louis_------------------ ---- St. Louis----.-------------- ------- New York, N. Y. ---__-------- -.----- Kansas City----------------- ---- Newark, N. J.------------ ---- St. Louis-------------------- ---- St. Louis-------------------- SIGMA CHI ' Tulsa, Okla.----------------- .--- Tulsa, Okla.------------------ ------ Kansas City----------------- ------- Joplin:----------------------- ------- Kansas City------------------- ------ Kansas City----------------- ----- Kansas City----------------- ------ Kansas City----------------- El Reno, Okla.--------------- ------ Rushville--------------------- ------ Kansas City----------------- Kansas City----------------- ---- St. Louis-------------------- --- Jefferson City---------------- -.-- - Georgetown, Ohio -_-_------- --.---- Columbia---- ---------------- ------- Kansas City----------------- SIGMA NU Marshall _-------------------. Marshall--------------------- Pittsburgh, Pa---------------- Kansas City----------------- Joplin----------------------- Omaha, Neb.---------------- --- Lebanon, Ill..----------------- Springfield-------------------- Princeton------------------ Kansas City----------------- Marshall --------------------- Carthage-------------------- Springfield----------------- Des Moines, Iowa----------- --- Trenton--------------------- Kansas City_--------------- --- Trenton--------------------- Wood River, Ill------------ Omaha, Neb.--------------- Hannibal-------------------- Watkins, Minn.-------- SIGMA PHI EPSILON . - Kansas City----------------- .- -- St. Louis-------------------- ------- Overland------------------- ..--. Tulsa, Okla.---------- ------- Tulsa, Okla. ----------------- St. Louis------------------- St. Louis----------- ------- .-----. Kansas City------------------ ----- St. Louis--_----------------- Wt. Hair Rating WHO GOES THERE? 17,000,000 dead-17,000,000 soldiers and sailors killed in the last war! Who are they? Statesmen? Politi- cians? Big-navy advocates? Muni- tions manufacturers? Business leaders whose factories hummed during war times? Editors whose papers love to stir up international bad feeling, be- cause it helps circulation? No-not one! Just average citizens. Young men with their lives before them. They were told it was glory, and look what they got. Look what all of us got! Back-breaking taxes. Econom- ic disorders that have not yet been righted. A bitter defeat for one side, a bitter victory for the other. Yet the world is drifting toward an- other war right now. And those who profit by war will encourage that drift unless we who suffer by war fight them! Today with talk of a coming war heard everywhere, Americans must stand firm in their determination that the folly of 1914-1918 shall not occur again. World Peaceways, an organiza- tion for public enlightenment on in- ternational affairs, feels that intelli- gent efforts can and must be made to- ward a secure peace. To this end you can do your share to build up a strong public opinion against war. Write today to World Peaceways, 103 Park Avenue, New York City. Sir Walter Raleigh Tobacco FACULTY GLOSSARY Instructor: Bewildered young college graduate unable to succeed in the business world. Usually youngenough to know several good jokes. Marks severely as he is only one chapter ahead of his students. Lowest in scale of student enemies. Assistant Professor: A promoted instructor. Promotion contingent on his lectures. When they become musty, he becomes an assist- ant professor. Will start to write a text book and get married. Encourage him to talk about his wife and baby. Associate Professor: The most dignified member of the faculty. Originator of the working- my-way-through school racket; sells his own books instead of magazines. Receives promotion for the same rea- son as a bus driver-number of years in service. Receives title, however, in- stead of a gold stripe on his arm. Professor: A ripe, disillusioned old man with over-ripe lectures. "How did you lose your hair?" "Worry." "What did you worry about?" "About losing my hair." "Was his bankruptcy due to a lack of brains?" "Yes, a lack and a lass." "Is your dentist careful?" "I'll say he is; he filled my teeth with pain." A prof wrote "Please wash" on the blackboard and the janitor took his bath before Saturday. A KICK IN THIS ONE "Did his father come between you?" "No, merely behind me." Kaywoodie ZETA BETA TAU Name Home Town Hgt. Wt. Hair Rating SHOWME SHOW (Continued) Kappa had their pledges out in decolletege' to amuse a huge stag line the other Saturday night. BROWNLEE, much maligned, is still pretty and young enough to not cloy. So is MITCHELL. And speaking of the K.K.G. dolls, what about the trouble they had with about five of their pledges. Something about Kappa pledges not necking until after the fourth date . . . at least! And speaking of the rough stick, NOBLE, former Pi Phi wonder, is out in the snow Like little Nell. The Tri Ds. did it with EL- DON JONES the other time last week and MORRIS, new pledge got a lot of the breaks. Some- one, rumor has it a "high pockets" boy, was showing everyone how they "truck" down in Podunk or someplace. He was a huge suc- cess with about three people and they weren't in their right senses or rather faculties. Kappa Sig, colored lights and soft women and music did it up well at their first fling. Dancing up and down those steps into the living room must be very hard. BOOKS (Continued) HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE by IRVING TRESSLER Gather around ye Pollyannas, Little Lord Fauntleroys and col- lectors of Shirley Temple pic- tures-while Irving Tressler slings mud at you from his book, How to Lose Friends and Alien- ate People. All of you who have become immediate social suc- cesses via the Emily Post road can once more become rugged individualists if you obey Mr. Tressler's directions. Have you recently acquired a house by the side of the road and become a friend to man, through the aid of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People? Have your home and time become cluttered with un- desirable bores? Then follow Mr. Tressler's ten easy lessons and you will become the most hated man in your "set." He now makes it legal to remove the wel- come sign from the door mat. No longer do you have to whisper sweet nothings in the ears of your friends or tell them they look lovely when they look like hell. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is an obvious parody on How to Win Friends and Influence People. However, we mortals need something to bring us back to normal, after Mr. Carnegie's saccharin attempt to make us all charter members of the "Brotherly Love Society." If the throne of popularity has become splintery, and you wish to abdicate, do as Mr. Tressler does-forget your best friend's name; give people a bony elbow to lean on when they want a soft shoulder; offend your hostess as often as possible; if you're wrong, never hesitate to use your right to prove that you aren't, and re- member, bore others before they bore you. This book immediately guarantees to give you seven nights a week in which to play solitaire. But in order to get your mon- ey's worth and lose all your friends, you must do as Mr. Tressler says: "Increase your happiness by decreasing that of others."-L. W. Upperclassmen in ROTC Do not seem patriotic to me. I guess they like boots And masculine suits, And safe jobs in the next world melee. R.D. He Went Sentimental by James Ragland ED had a theory about col- lege women. It went like this. If she was good-looking or beautiful she belonged to a sorority, if she belonged to a so- rority she had money, and if she had money, well, it was nice to have seen you,-even at a dis- tance. His theory was very sound, especially the logic. If a girl was good looking and didn't have money she didn't go to college because working your way through college was terribly hard on the figure and fingernails, and it was so much easier to get mar- ried. As a result of his firm be- lief in this hypothesis Red, sur- named Thompson, had remained unenamoured for three barren years of his college life. Of course his point of view must have wor- ried the poor not so good-looking girls no end, but then Red was indifferent to their sufferings. Be- ing of a somewhat Brandish char- acter it was for him either all or nothing. "All" meant that the girl was probably qualified for the front row in the Goldwyn Follies. But, as no doubt you have guessed, there came a change in the state of Mr. Thompson's emo- tions. At the bachelor quarters maintained by Red and his part- ner Nick Edsel, the latter was reclining in a semi-drape across the tattered red velour couch that was the principal item of furni- ture in their hat-box of a front room. Nick was puffing his pipe in an extreme state of perturbation. "You mean to say she's coming here-for dinner?" The smile Red returned was joyous and expansive. "Yeah. She's regular. And boy what class!" He speared the air with a knife that had long ago aban- doned all pretentions of being sil- ver. "The very thought gives me the shudders," was the reply. Red parked himself reflectively on one corner of the narrow table that would, if one insisted, ac- commodate three plates, medium size. "You know," he said, "when I look back on it all I can hardly believe it's true." "I've been trying to console myself with the thought that it isn't." Nick obscured himself from view in a screen of blue, heavy smoke. "I guess I told you how it hap- pened, didn't I?" "I'm practically a photostatic copy of the whole affair." "It was the first day of class and the old boy was moaning on about Chaucer and I turned and said to her, 'I wonder why they always talk about Chaucer and never give the cup a break?'" "And she didn't hit you be- cause her arm was still in a sling." "And then we got to talking and I found out she was from Nebraska." "Wyoming," Nick corrected. "That's right, Wyoming. And then I sort of volunteered to help her carry her books around." "Because she had just broken her arm in a fall from a horse in the hills of old Wyoming." "Remember the day I discov- ered she belonged to the biggest sorority on campus?" Nick laughed. "Yeah. I thought you were coming down with ty- phoid." Red traced the pattern on the oilcloth table cover with the knife. "And then when I avoided her, she asked what was the matter and I said that a smart selling- plater knows better than to run with the handicap horses. Was I surprised when she said I was silly and what difference did it make." Nick moaned. "So since then you've progressed so beautifully that you've invited her here for dinner." Red explains, "Well, it was sort of her idea. She thought it would be fun to eat simply for a change." A pale cast of horror struck Nick's face. The stew! The corporation's finances couldn't stand a visit to the delicatessen. Red dashed into the kitchen to make sure that the combination of carrots, onions, rice, cabbage, potatoes and ten cents worth of beef stew was still in an edible state. It was. Some moments later Red was laboring with heart-rending vigor to lay a tuft of hair that simply wouldn't be plastered down. "I'm going to use your car to go get her," he shot as a parting thrust. Nick simply moaned and turned his face to the wall. To run, to hide, to stay. He realized that etiquette demanded the presence of a third party at the dinner. But he had visions, tempting in the extreme, of dis- tant lands where beautiful blondes didn't go slumming in bachelor apartments. Before he could really debate the issue Red was back. Nick braced himself for the assault. The door opened and in stepped Diane Winters. Nick rose. Red said, "Diane, I want you to meet my pal Nick Edsel." Nick nod- ded and gasped. Peaches and cream crowned with honey and eyes bluer than a month of wash- days. "Won't you sit down," Nick suggested, guiding her to the saf- est end of the davenport, where the springs were less protruding. "Diane has to go early," Red informed him, 'some bigwig in the sorority is coming to give them a fireside chat and she has to be there. Guess I'll dish up now." Within Nick's mind there resounded the clash of daggers, as he watched Red depart for the kitchen. "Ill bet you fellows have a lot of fun here together, don't you?" Diane inquired politely. "Oh, yes, loads," Nick beamed. "So delightfully carefree," Diane observed further. And the conversation went its weary way from there. "And then I sort of volunteered to help her carry her books around." But at dinner Nick decided he really liked Diane. She seemed blissfully unaware that she was eating with iron silver at a table littered with dishes no two of the same pattern. They downed the stew and topped it off with a jar of pears smuggled from home while conversing innocuously about courses and the prospects for the football team in its in- dustrious clambering from out the cellar. "That Jerry Fix thrills me every time he gets the ball. He hits the line like he meant it." Nick was in the throes of a de- scription which involved two lat- eral passes and a cutback over tackle when Diane looked at her watch and decided it was time to go. As she stood in the door mak- ing her farewell, Nick said to Diane, "I hope you'll come again sometime." And he meant it. Red and Diane didn't talk much on the way back to the sorority house, but Red was perfectly hap- py in the thought that it had been a really delightful occasion. Red was all set to put his arm around her when he came to a boulevard stop and had to use both hands in maneuvering the car. Before he had time to get set again they were in front of her house. As Red stood leaning on the car door he had opened for Diane, she spoke, and her voice sounded far away. "Good-bye Red. Next time put more salt in the stew- and invite somebody else. I may join a lot of things yet but that was the hardest initiation I'll ever go through." Other gossip going the rounds of dramatic circles-George Stro- ther (Beta), the Burgess of last year's "Candida," will be apart- menting this fall. "'Twill be more quiet for study," he says-Chuck Downie (Delt), erstwhile master of lighting, is now spreading his light over the financial page of the Los Angeles Herald and Ex- aminer-June Simmons (Gamma Phi), cute little costume mistress, returned Bill Gail's Sig Alph pin last month. BARTH'S Burchroeder's Philips & Co. MUSIC-by Jones (Continued) work" for Bob Crosby. His old boss, Opie Cates, plays third sax and arranges for Ben Pollack. Johnny Drake (Johnny Monsch to you), played with Cates in 1929, left school and came back to play with Clair Callihan in Gaeblers in 1933. Johnny plays tenor and does most of the sing- ing with Emmerson Gills band. Among the last of the Missouri boys to go big time was Jim Cur- ry. Jim played trombone with Roy Keith in 1933 and is now with Leon Belasco, playing trom- bone and arranging. Don't be surprised to see some of our lo- cal talent in big time, too.. Con- rad Squires has what it takes, both in playing and arranging. "Cotton" Hawkins is one boy who could easily make the grade, but building bridges seems to be his ambition. MUSIC--by Smith (Continued) tening to the Goodman aggre- gation in their well known "groove." The third record in the series is by that fine trumpet man, Bunny Berigan. You will hear Bunny himself, play and sing his theme song, "I Just Can't Get Started." This is followed by the "Prisoner's Song." Probably the most outstanding of both of these tunes is the fine vocal work that Berigan does. No collection of "swing stars" would be complete without a con- tribution from the dusky gentle- men of Harlem. For the final record of the series we find Mr. Thomas' "Fats" Waller playing and singing, with his "cats" jam- ming, the tunes "Honeysuckle Rose" and "Blue Turning Grey Over You." In the next issue of Showme we will present several prevues of recently released recordings, and in the meantime if you have any questions concerning records why not drop the music depart- ment of this magazine a line? FIRST LADY (Continued) be president," which only too clearly indicates the mood of the play. Another important actress was Betty Ohnemus, who played the part of Irene Hibbard, the not too discreet, but the extremely ambitious wife of a Supreme Court justice. Two of the most entertaining parts of the produc- tion were the scenes between her and Lucy over the tea table in Acts I and III. Other outstanding character in- terpretations included: Beth Hodgson as the very efficient, but often exasperated, social secre- tary, Sophy Prescott; Workshop President George Palmer as the big-shot newspaper publisher, Ellsworth T. Ganning; Dorothy Gunter as the obviously middle western clubwoman; and Marge Peeples as the "too-thrilled" and very southern Emmy Paige. Certainly worth comment was the brief scene where the bar- oness (Betty McKim) and Senor Ortega (Ed Miller) engaged in a mystifying French conversa- tion. They said their lines as if they really knew what they meant. SPORTS (Continued) press Missouri may have been trounced by the Michigan State boys and the Gripers Group will be wrenching their arms out of. place trying to pat themselves on the back for their uncanny gridiron prognosticating ability. FRATERNITY MANAGEMENT SPORTS (Continued) On the other hand, Missouri may have tied into those Michigan State boys in such a fashion that even the west state newspaper will have to admit that they won. But whatever happens, the Uni- versity of Missouri's 1937 season isn't over until the gun is fired at the end of the U.C.L.A. game. Anything can happen between now and then. One would have had to look a long way to find a more surprised bunch of boys than the Nebraska squad was when it put the Minnesota club away in cold storage. And yet, on the following Saturday, the Cornhuskers were lucky enough to get away on long runs in the closing minutes of the game to beat Iowa State. Coach Don Faurot, speaking at the mass meeting just before the Kansas State game, re-echoed an old axiom about football when he said that whenever two teams play together with anything in the shape of a football, anything can happen. And damned if he isn't right. DORN-CLONEY Laundry and Dry- Cleaning Company J. Francis Westhoff STUDIO GAEBLER'S Black and Gold Inn LUCAS BROTHERS, Publishers Lucky Strike Cigarettes