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Missouri Showme February, 1938; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1938

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Missouri Showme February 15 cents How To Pin Friends And Influence People Issue Camel Cigarettes Showme Show Members of Missouri's "Cafe- teria Society" are out and about again after finals. . . BOB LEACH, who is back in the cam- pus swing, has fluffed off JOAN HOWE in favor of lovely MARYELLEN REYBURN of Pi Phi .... The females continue to call WALT BOAIN, footbal- ler, not knowing his attentions are all directed toward smoothie MILDRED RUBEY. . . . TOM MOORE, S.A.E. transfer from Mississippi, has caused quite a flash on the campus. . . . BETTY FROST, Chi Omega, is through fooling the love in Texas after his long distance the other night found her heavy dating. . .. JACK HIMMELBERGER, Phi Delt, has shifted his attention from Kappa KATHIE KEET to a lovely at Stephens .... BILLY BATES, Phi Psi, finds himself hard up with all his loves flunk- ing out of school. . . . JEAN MARTIN, Theta, is carrying- the touch for a K. C. heart interest. .. JIM LEAZENBY has seeded all the girls down to JANE MO- SER, Theta .... D. G. high volt- age girl, JEANNE PATTON, who has just finished steadying with a tall handsome "bland," finds it hard to stand by and see him rushing one of her sisters. .. JACK SKELLEY, Sigma Chi, puts in a phone call every day for HELEN ENDERS, a Christian.... AUSTIN MUEL- LER and all the other Pi K. A.'s wish MARGARET LA MEIR would pick on some other people. . . . As predicted, HARRIET JUDGE, Tri-Delt, finally crashed through with K. A. GEORGE REEVES pin. . . . ROYAL SCHWENDINGER, D. U. farm boy with the Esquire finish, re- veals that Tri-Delt BETTY LOU CULBERTSON is his flaming desire .... DEAN McKENNA, Kappa Sig, has gotten his pin back, which leaves him with a clear field for Spring. . . . Accord- ing to the three Sigma Chis who were there, MAUDY GUINOT- TE, Kappa, swung out high, wide and handsome after finals . . . Winsome WYNN MILLER hung his Phi Gain pin on Ruth Boye, Stephens. Too bad D. G. BARBARA ANN BROWNE doesn't catch on that all men don't play foot- ball. .. . The ultra - smooth Pi Phi has thrown her hat in the ring for BILLY BUTTS, Beta, which should be a warning to JANE STANTON, Kappa pledge. .... The pinning of JEANNE ANN LAMBERT, Kappa, and BOB HAMER- STROM, Sigma Nu, crushed the hopes of several fair flowers ... FRANCHON BARBEE, Alpha Chi, has given back BILL BRIT- TAIN'S Kappa Sig pin again in the hope of having her cake and eating it at the same time .. GRANT RENNE, Phi Gam, and JEAN TYLER, D. G., spent the week-end dating other people to prove to themselves that their pinning is still sticking. . . . VIC CARY, Pi K. A. came out a poor fifth place in the DOROTHY REMLEY race, at the Gamma Phi house. Nevertheless. we no- tice he is still in there pitching. HUGH GRIFFITH, K. A., has become Stephens personified. ... Very lush HELEN STIG- ALL, Pi Phi and BOB FAUROT -Sigma Chi, are coupling it with CHARLES DEWEY tagging along behind. . . . TOMMY HUGHES, Kappa Sig, and DOR- OTHY WEIGEL, Tri-Delt, will continue to steady it without a pin. . . . ANNETTE JORDAN of Stephens is trying to get PAUL ULLMAN down to the more serious things of life .. DOROTHY LU DEVIN, Gam- ma Phi, and K. A. PAUL Mc- CANN, are getting to that cow- eyed stage .... HARRY APPLE, Sigma Nu, is trying to get a little more attention from Pi Phi JANET WOOD. . .. The Gam- ma Phi bomb-shell BETTY ANN ROOT is now invading the Sigma Chi house for its new pledge, FRANK AMELUNG .. DALE BOWLING, Delt, will no doubt try out for the SCOT- HORN, D. G. league, this spring. ... ED JAMES, Sig Alf, got his pin back from the heart throb in California because she met an- other girl out there who also had his picture. . . . Current and choice is the new Pi Phi pledge CARGILL from St. Joe. . . . DICK BROWNLEE of the snake house seems to be having a hard time deciding which side of the street to concentrate on- the arrow or the key. . . . BOB CREEL, Phi Psi, has just pinned JEAN BURGASS of Stephens, taking two swell people out of circulation. . . . MAURIE KIRK, Kappa Sig, and PAUL VAN OSDOL, Phi Delt, are taking turns with Kappa HELEN NICHOLS .... (Continued on page 21) page one "Sorry-Course is Full" By PHIL DESSAUR Enrollment has gone by the boards for another seven months, and all those who think they got raw deals may step right up and hand in their applications to the Missouri CIO (Course Isn't Open) Club. Naturally, nobody got the classes and professors he wanted when he wanted them, but that's getting to be old stuff. The ma- jority of us just hold our breath, count ten and stagger into the nearest jelly - joint. Actually, things have about reached the point where even seniors feel en- titled to an E av.erage if they can steer themselves into a 16-hour course without being thrown into The Anatomy of (Course) Frustration something like Taxonomy and Ecology (Botany 101w) or Bee- keepin (Entomology 109w). According to rumor, six pro- fessors almost got fired because after three hours of registration the first day they still had a few classes open for enrollment. The parole board is believed consider- ing their cases in a special hear- ing at the present time. All this, however, is merely prefatory to the subject at hand. With the courses so beautifully monotyped in the little brochure of instructions (if it was a bro- chure), a number of very excel- lent ones were left out entirely. Now these courses are important in the life of every student, and so it is hoped the following list of open classes, each with a short description, will be of some use to the rank and file of fee-forker- outers. Pacificism. Very timely. En- dorsed by the American Student Union. Pre-requisites are Military 1 and 2. Students must provide their own soap-boxes. Big Apple. Title is very deceiv- ing. Course involves the science of sidling up to the professor after class and whispering sweet words into his good ear. This is not really the Big Apple, but is Big Apple Polishing. History and Principles of Jelly Dating. A very fundamental course with a great deal of work outside of class. Professors Gaeb- ler and Harris very experienced. Telephone Conversation. Learn how to talk to your No. 1 tootsie via receiver and mouthpiece with- out the whole house lending an ear. Super instruction includes system of code words for naming meeting-places, talking baby-talk, and handling of all accepted "lines." Political Maneuvering-A spe- cial course showing the Missouri Way, featuring the streamlined instruction of Prof. P. Van Osdol, who knows his stuff (with em- phasis on "stuff.") For example, many systems have been devised for legislative functioning, includ- ing the unicameral, or one-house type, the bicameral, or two-house type, and numerous others. But Professor Van Osdol features here one of his own ideas, the Missouri looneycameral system. In it he advocates neither one house or two houses. He prefers his own, the fraternity house, system. Primary Principles of Grading. A course for faculty members only. Special steel drills are used to drive home necessary ideas. Blowtorches are carried as extra equipment. (Continued on page 22) * "Just tell your Kappa Sig friend she's got everything . . .the Kappa Sigs want." page two PREDICTIONS * Gents, have you been wondering whether you were her chum or chump? Girls, have you been wondering if your old appeal is still ace high with the Mizzoumales? Has anybody been won- dering if their roommate was doing a little throat cutting? Well, now comes the revelation. Showme is pleased to announce the prize scoop of the year. (Student, take note). Here is a list of the Campus fillies and the way they will be bunched as they thunder down the home stretch of the Spring Semester. Sigma Nu Bob Dale Delta Upsilon Grover Lautz S.A.E. Vaughn Bryant Kappa Sigma Karl Blanchard Sigma Chi Augie Elbring Sigma Nu Max Pitney Phi Gam Major Hull Zebe Hudson Scheiber Phi Sigma Delta Joe Weber Kappa Sigma Ed Bridgeford Phi Delt (Westminster) Kent Rookes Sigma Nu Ed Paul Sigma Chi Tom Deacey PiK.A. Bill Wright K.A. Sam Kemp Alpha Gamma Sigma Raymond Ridge Kappa Sigma Jo Vincent Beta John Crichton K.A. Poston Whitehead Alpha Sigma Phi Tom York Lambda Chi Alpha Paul DuNard S.A.E. Bill Macklin Kappa Sigma Bob Riley to Alice Maughs, Pi Phi to Frances Marx, Tri-Delt to Lillian Rose, Kappa to Margaret Ellen Peebles, Kappa to Laura Louise Dille, Theta to Doris King, Delta .Gamma to Dorothy Morris, Tri-Delt to Margaret Tolles, Stephens to Josephine Chasnoff, A. E. Phi to June English, Tri-Delt to Martha Creamer, Chi Omega to Mary Ford, Kappa to Joan Campbell, Pi Phi to Annelle Noel, Stephens to Annabeth Limbaugh (Second time) to Mary Sue James, Chi Omega to Betty Jacques Smith, Kappa to Denver U. Coed to Edith Harris, Tri-Delt to Mary Kay Hess, Alpha Phi to Ann Monfort, Stephens to Marie Hansen, Theta to Mary Margaret Jones, Pi Phi POSSIBLE PINNINGS JOE McDERMOTT, Sig Alpher, will most likely run true to form and put out his third pin in his third year. JACK SCHWEITZER, Delt, knows he is too smooth to be tied down and yet may pass out the fraternity jewelry to Theta COULTER before June. Though Pi Phi JANE FORCE may possibly put out BILL GILL'S Beta pin which she is underwearing, it's doubtful whe- ther she is that anxious to settle down. Kappa Alpha PAUL OWENS might pin D. G. ROBERTA WALKER though chances are he considers himself too old to do anything that collegiate. The feeling against pinnings held by MUFF WILLIAMS, Kappa and SCOTT YEARGAIN, Sigma Nu, as well as FERN STAD- LER, Alpha Chi and HERMAN BOUCHER will likely be broken down since all involved are seniors. WATSON POWELL, smooth Phi Gam, will prob- ably do a good job of taking ROSE MARIE BRUEGGEMANN, Delta Gam, out of circulation as soon as he gets his pin. Editorial Ego Foreign voices shout the Ego this month-but we hope to natu- ralize before you catch our ac- cents. SHOWME has lost its chief. On the fourth of February, Edi- tor Merrill Panitt turned in his formal resignation to Sigma Del- ta Chi, the magazine's keeper. We have accepted-with sincere regrets. Since his freshman year, Panitt has been an active member on the SHOWME staff. It is our cool and candid belief that he has con- tributed more material and time to SHOWME than any other single individual in the mag's life span. Last year, as business man- ager, he directed the mechanism that makes a magazine possible. This year, he has done his edi- torial damndest to give the cam- pus a reflection of its life, its tastes. Panitt can tell you that the truest synonym for the life of a SHOWME editor is "headache." But we won't ask you to believe that. All we ask you to believe is that SHOWME has lost an able editor. We regret Panitt's passing. Sigma Delta Chi is launching SHOWME on a new policy. Not startlingly new at first, we warn you. In fact you may not even find the little policy needle in this current SHOWME haystack -we said hay. But you may notice, if you are keenly observ- ant, that there are changes. There will be more changes. Why we might even make drastic changes! Frankly, that's up to you. You might call our new policy one of elasticity, that is, we are going to expand or contract as the cam- pus mood demands. It's up to you to get moody! We want your opinions. If you are afraid to hand in your MISSOURI SHOWME "A Reflection on Modern Campus Thought" EDITORIAL BOARD John Paul Hunt, Chairman Tom Aden, Jr. Richard Gorton George J. Schulte STAFF ART Paul Ullman Murray Amper Marvin Sykes GOSSIP Marilyn Bristow Ruth Kinyon Jeanne Chappel Harriet Judge Dick Timmis FEATURES Ruth Regnery Bob Duncan Jack Hosford James Ragland Phil Dessaur Paul Ricks PHOTOGRAPHY Mickey Sharp Joe Yawitz BOOKS Janet Mellon Harold Sours MUSIC Hal Smith Eldon Jones Hermand Land Arnold Dilbble DRAMA Beth Hodgson Carol Davis SPORTS "The Whole Staff . . . " EXCHANGE Make Us An Offer! SECRETARIAL Bill Taft STEPHENS COLLEGE CONTRIBUTORS Betty Brainard Ann I-Iurd Wilma Racine Ann Marcotte Eleanor Brier Pat Rothinghouse ADVERTISING Alex Cohen Esther Schaeffer Dean McKenna Lois Evans Ruth Kinyo'n CIRCULATION Ed Conklin PROMOTION Dean McKenna Paul Ricks contributions in person, why not work anonymously? The crack under our office door (Rm. 13, Walter Williams) is wide for a purpose. Slip your stuff under and run! SHOWME discovered a dou- ble duty worker this month. Ruth Kinyon turned in a neat job on both the advertising side and the compilation of the Valentine Ro- mances for this issue. Panitt told us this job of turn- ing out a magazine was a rugged one and we are beginning to believe it. Our first Board meet- ing was a novel one that will be remembered forever in the annals of magazine production. Between gathering features and passing on jokes for the publication we had quite a busy time. After three hours of solid deliberation the staff had chewed the ends off a box of pencils, made confetti out of twenty-two other mags, swept the joint out, and voted each other a bonus. For the next issue we have a lovely colossal cross- word puzzle to dabble with and we're dickering for a Monopoly game that the Columbia City Council used last summer. With this issue, "How to Pin Friends and Influence People," Showme turns crystal gazer and lets fly with a set of predictions that make Winchell's stuff look like Ancient History. A lot of fraternity hardware is going to be shifting wearers very shortly. Why, we dont know. It may be the recent seige of balmy weather or it may be occasioned by the falling price of some of the lead- ing "hard waters." Nevertheless, there will be a shakeup in the old order and Showme goes to the bat with some long-range predic- tions that are just about cinches to come off. On Page 3 you'll find the answer as to who is about to pin who. When these events will come off we can't predict to the day, but we will say that for the most part, the affairs are pretty well jelled. By the time we go to press, some of them may have become actualities- the rest are on the way. You could read all this in the Student but they won't have it for a month or three. To quote an unsolicited testimonial in the morning mail from Balfour and Co., "Thank God for the Pin Romances." FEBRUARY 1938 VOL. VII, NO. 6 The Missouri Showme is published monthly except during July and August by the Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, national professional journalism fraternity, as the official humor and literary publication of the University of Missouri. Price: $1.00 per year; 15c the single copy. Copyright 1937 by Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi; original contents not to be reprinted without permission. Per- mission given all recognized exchanging college publications. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College Humor, Editorial and Busi- ness offices, Room 13, Walter Williams Hall: office of publication, Artcraft Press, Virginia Bldg., Columbia, Mo. Not responsible for un- solicited manuscripts; postage must be enclosed for return. Old Gold Cigarettes Prince Albert Tobacco One of Hollywood's favorite ac- tresses was carrying on something terrible. "I won't stand it," she yelled. "I'll do something desperate!" "There, there, now, darling," soothed her husband. "I'm sure every- thing will come out all right." "I won't stand it another minute," she cried. Her husband shrugged his shoul- ders and turned to leave the room. "I'll get a divorce, that's what I'll do!" shouted the actress. "That's all I can do. Here it is a month-and I haven't been on page one since the time I got pinched for parking near a fire hydrant." A lunatic in the asylum who was pushing a wheel-barrow upside down was stopped by a visitor who asked: "What's the idea?" "I'm not crazy," was the retort.. "Yesterday, they filled it with bricks." I met a little lady I took her out to dine, Which may have been polite of me, But very asinine. I don't know much about her, But I have a little hunch She must be fond of autos from The truck she ate for lunch. The professor to impress on his pu- pils the need of thinking before speak- ing, told them to count 50 before say- ing anything important, and 100 if it was very important. Next day he was speaking with his back to the fire when suddenly he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: "98, 99, 100. Your coat's on fire, pro- fessor!" The ideal romance is the one be- tween the deaf senior and the beauti- ful but dumb co-ed. He's so deaf that he doesn't know she's so dumb. Buyer: I won't give you more than $250,000.00 Seller: But I can't sell for less than $300,000.00. Buyer: If you can't meet my terms, give me back my $15.00 deposit. ABBREVIATED NONSENSE Of persons I know a great No. Who go to the opera and slo. I've often walked the Ave. To see the beauties. Have.? I bought stock in a western oil Co. As for oil, I don't think that they po. The knowledge to be an Esq. Is one that is hard to acq. A woman needed a Dr. Because her husband sr. If I were a rich atty. I'd go for a nice ocean jy. Sports Football has its "drugstore quarterbacks" and baseball its "hot stove league" but, since it's too late for the former and too early for the latter, the talk of sports fans naturally drifts to basketball. "Is this Hank Luisetti as good as he's cracked up to be?" "What do you think about the elimination of the center jump after field goals?" When sportsmen get together these two questions usually worm their way into the conversation. There is little argument about the Stanford scoring sensation who has hit the basket much to the dismay of his opponents be- fore packed houses from the In- dian Field House eastward to Madison Square Garden. There is not the unanimity of agreement on the second subject of conversation, however. From the lowliest high school sopho- more who refuses to keep train- ing and complains that the faster game gets his wind to James A. Naismith, the inventor of the sport, who said "it spoiled the game," the new rule has come in for its share of criticism. Koegan, coach of the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, and Coach Carlson of the Pittsburgh Pan- thers are also among the rule's critics. Naismith, who originated the game forty-six years ago at the University of Kansas, recently charged that basketball had speeded up "in spite of rather than because of the rule.' Under the new ruling, five seconds are allowed for throwing in the ball and ten seconds for getting it past the center line while with the center jump four seconds were required on the average. "And," he added in the interview, "It penalizes the good team at the expense of the inferior one." The rule also has its defenders, of whom there is none stauncher than George Edwards, guide of Missouri's basketball destinies and president of the National Association of Basketba 11 Coaches. Having coached twelve editions of the Missouri Tigers and served on various committees of the N. A. B. C. for the past eight years, Edwards knows whereof he speaks when it comes to the hardwood game, so we present his views on this rule which has probably affected the game as much as any in the four decades of its existence. Perhaps we should warn you in the beginning that he is not an unbiased observer because he was one of the leaders in having the tip-off eliminated except at the start of each period. In fact, the change was first tried eight years ago in two games between Mis- souri and Creighton. For one-half of the games played at Columbia and Omaha the innovation was tried with a poll taken of the crowd following each game. In Omaha the spec- tators were about evenly divided into pros and cons while about sixty per cent of the Columbia fans turned thumbs down on the change. The following Spring, a report of the games was submitted to the rules committee of the N. A. B. C. which appointed a commit- tee headed by John Bunn, the Stanford coach who, incidentally, developed Luisetti, to make fur- ther investigation. Bunn persuaded the southern division of the Pacific Coast Con- ference in 1934 to eliminate the center jump for one season and the change went over so big that the West schools voted almost unanimously to eliminate it per- manently. The high schools and junior colleges of the coast adopt- ed the change with the same en- thusiasm. Last year the College Confer- ence of Iowa experimented with the elimination and liked it so well that the members voted to eliminate the tip-off permanently no matter what the national rules committee decided. Having met with almost uni- versal approval it was obvious that the change would be made in the national rules when the N. A. C. A. met in Chicago last March. By a vote of 60 to 9 the rule was adopted with the princi- pal opposition coming from the Deep South, where they grow tall, dark, and, reputedly hand- some. Although it is too early in the season to make a final judgment, according to Edwards, the rule is here to stay. It has the approval of spectators, officials and the majority of players and coaches. Before the center jump was eliminated teams had begun to huddle for signals before each tip-off and the referee had to (Continued on page 21) page seven BIG SISTER By JAMES RAGLAND Yes, I know. But, darling, you simply can't date a fellow like that. He isn't anybody. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't play football. He probably does not even own a decent suit of dress clothes. You're wasting your time with him, and acting like a perfect little fool. I hate to lecture, but you do see that it's for your own good, don't you? You're a pledge now, and you have certain responsibili- ties-to the sorority, and to the rest of us, and to yourself. We all adore you, darling, and we hope you'll do the right thing. I remember, when I was a freshman, I made almost the identical mistake you're making now. I have to laugh when I think about it. It was just too damned silly for words. And if it hadn't been for Kay Beverly, I don't know what I might have done. You don't know Kay. She was a grand friend. She was house president when I was a pledge. She was a dear. This boy I knew was terribly funny. I didn't realize it at first, but I found out soon enough. Later on, Kay used to remind me of some of the things I had said, and they were utterly ridiculous. We sat and laughed for hours at the whole affair, after it was over. Can you imagine, darling, I even said that he was good and brave and noble. Imagine saying that sort of thing. That shows how childish I really was. I said that-honestly-and I said other things that I wouldn't tell to any- one again. They were just too, too silly. His name was Johnny-Johnny Markov, I believe. I never could get his last name right, but I think that was it. Anyway, he was some sort of a foreigner. And he was big and tall, and I even thought he looked like Gary Cooper. Of course, that was plain nonsense. He was handsome, though. page eight But he was nobody, absolutely nobody. He didn't come from any family to speak of. He didn't play football-he was big enough to-he said he didn't have time, he was working his way in school. And the place he lived in, my dear-a garage! Imagine, living in a garage. You know, I've often thought that people like that shouldn't be allowed in school. They're of no use, and they simply weaken the whole social fabric. * "Paul and I got as tight as bats." I would never have met him at all, except that he sat next to me in zoology lab. If I hadn't been so green, I would have taken geology, or some other science that wasn't so complicated. But I was very young and very serious, and the first thing I knew, they gave me a dead frog, and I was supposed to cut it up. Such a disgusting thing! It was slimy and cold, and I thought that I was going to be sick when I had to look at it. It simply made me shiver all over. This boy-Johnny-sat next to me, and he came to my rescue. He must have fancied that he was a knight or something, help- ing a poor distressed damsel. He was so polite and careful and helpful, he must have been ridicu- lous. But I didn't notice that then, and like a silly little fresh- man, I thought he was nice. When I told Kay about him, she really acted like the grand friend she was. She warned me and said that what I needed was to meet some of the nicer fellows on the campus, and that I should not think seriously about this Johnny. She was right, too. And do you know what she did for me, darling? She was simply grand. She arranged a date for me with Paul Weber. I didn't appreciate it as much then as I do now. There I was, a simple little freshman, and Paul Weber was really important. He was an Omicron. And he was some sort of wrestling champion, too. Oh no, of course, you don't know him. He left school last year. Someone said he took the answers out of a book during an exam, and they made such a beastly fuss, it was silly. Kay and I double-dated that night. I went with Paul, and she went with Sam. We had a mar- velous time. Paul had a car, and he took us out to the Tippy Inn. Sam brought the liquor, and we got as tight as bats. Why, dar- ling, I got so high I could hardly tell whether I was dancing or sitting in the booth. And then Kay and I had to creep into the house-in our condition. You can imagine how funny that was! And Paul-he was really a nice boy. He was so funny. I don't mean strange or peculiar, but comical. He had us laughing and laughing. He was simply witty, if I've ever seen anyone. He was packed full of jokes. I remember, there were some dull people sitting in the next booth, and once when they got up to dance, Paul slipped over and knocked cigaret ashes in their beer. When they came back they were as mad as hatters. And Paul sat there like 'a lamb. I thought I'd burst when he asked me real loud if I wanted a beer. I could hardly keep my face "He isn't anybody, Darling, you must remember your sorority." Even after that though, and with Kay being very patient and telling me not to be a fool, I didn't come to my senses. Kay was such a darling. She tried so desperately to show me I was wrong, and I was so ungrateful. When I said Johnny had asked me for a date, she wasn't a bit angry. She just smiled and said, "All right. That's fine. Have a date with him. You'll see what he is then." She was right, too. The date was simply ghastly, when I think about it. We went to a show, and then we stopped at the Drug and drank a coke. He didn't even smoke. I felt all the time as though I should have been wear- ing hoopskirts and pantalettes. He was as polite and careful as when he was in the zoology lab. He was stiff and stupid and dull. All he talked about was himself. And so exciting! So interesting! You'll never know, my dear. At least, I hope you'll never have an experience like that. He was from some place in Pennsylvania, and he wanted to be a doctor. To hear him talk, you'd think that a doctor was the next thing to a saint. He wanted to learn things, he said, and then be able to help people. He never cracked a smile when he said that either. I don't think he ever smiled. "Johnny and I stopped by the Drug and drank a coke." I can't imagine a man like that being a doctor. It was too silly. He didn't have any trace of any- thing that could possibly have passed as a bedside manner in a million years. And then he started in telling me all about the things he had done. I certainly must have been a little fool to have sat there and listened. Kay would have laughed until she was sick. He was very instructive. After hearing him talk, I probably could have told you just what it was like to work. in a steel mill. Oh, it gets terribly hot there. And the furnaces, or whatever you call them, are all red and gaping like medieval monsters. It's a regular inferno. That's just what he called it. He worked there for two years, he said, to help his family. It must have been an awful fam- ily if he had to do that. You can imagine what sort of a person he must have been. And he told me all about the poor, poor working men-hunkies and Polacks and all the riffraff in the world, I suppose-and how they were so poor and helpless. When the mills closed down, they (Continued on page 16) JOINT CONCERT UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI GLEE CLUB -CLAY BALLEW, directing AND WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY GLEE CLUB -ALLAN FABER SCHIRMER, directing Jesse Auditorium - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . March 4 8:00 P. M. General Admission .......-.....- ----.~.---..... . ----- ... ....---..------------......-.... ........ .$ .50 Student Admission ..-..--....--.-------...-..-- ---.~--.......---...--..- .25 Tickets on Sale Now at Gaebler's, Harris' Cafe, and Campus Drug Showme Movies EVERYBODY SING Judy Bellaire (Judy Garland), an adolescent bitten by the swing bug, is thrown out of the Colvin School for Girls when she con- verts the morning singing hour and the esthetic dancing period into syncopated pandemonium. It is the fifth time she has been expelled. Her parents, discouraged by her attempts at "swinging" put her on a boat-ostensibly with the purpose of sending her to Europe. Never daunted by such mere matters as parents' wishes or economic necessity, Judy re- turns and secures a part in a musical stage production. Simultaneous with the opening of the show in which Judy has a part, another production backed by her parents opens down the street. By the use of the old "army" game-better known in this picture as circus technique -the audience of the Bellaire Sr. show is attracted to the Bellaire Jr. attraction, providing the usual happy ending. THE BUCCANEER Cecil B. DeMille used the broad panorama of the War of 1812 as background for The Buc- caneer, in which Frederic March is cast as the famous pirate chief, Jean Lafitte, whose love for a belle of old New Orleans, Margot Grahame, and her country, the struggling United States, makes him join with General Andrew Jackson in the defense of New Orleans against the British at- tack. March loses his honor and his sweetheart when it becomes known that his men sank the American merchant ship, "Corin- thian," with Margot's sister and a score of other prominent citi- zens aboard. Escaping from New Orleans with Jackson's help, he goes into exile with the girl who really understands and loves him, Franciska Gaal, an orphan whom he had rescued from the sea. EVERY DAY'S A HOLIDAY Apparently not daunted by her recent NBC escapade, Mae West, as Peaches O'Day out-Eves well- known "Adam and Eve" in Every Day's A Holiday. In her latest Paramount venture, Mae, instead of having trouble with one man -Adam - as previously, bur- lesques through an hour and a half of trials and tribulations with a police captain (Edmund Lowe), a combination woman-hater, ec- centric millionaire, and leader of a reform movement (Charles Winninger), and a butler (Char- les Butterworth). Concerned mainly with the po- litical race between "Honest as the Day Is Long" Captain Mc- Carey and "Dirty" Inspector Quade (Lloyd Nolan) for the mayorality, Every Day's A Holi- day is embellished with Mae's attempts to seek fame and fortune via the stage as a French actress, Winninger's antics as an angel for the show, and the attempts of Graves to protect his employer (Winninger) from Mae's far- reaching designs. YOU'RE A SWEETHEART This happens to be about a Broadway producer who experi- ences difficulty with the fellow he owes for the scenery, but this difficulty occurs far down in the picture and is without real im- portance in the scheme of things. More prominently responsible for what goes on is a publicity stunt in which a waiter poses as an Oklahoma oil man and buys out the house for the first week of the show's run. Geo. Murphy plays the bogus oil man and Ken Murray the producer, both in a fashion to (Continued on page 24) MISSOURI HALL VARSITY Laughter Not Barred * "With a face like yours, how did you ever get close enough to a woman to strangle her?" RULES FOR FAILURE TO LEARN PSYCHOLOGY RULE 1. Assent readily and with an air of complete approval to all the instructor says. Nod your head during the lecture to indicate your compre- hension, but don't try to understand what he is saying; just look as if you did. Depend on some other student to explain things to you afterwards. Cherish a delusion that by main- taining a discreet silence in the class- room and by looking as intelligent as nature will permit you to do, you are "kidding" the Instructor into be- lieving you are there with the "goods." RULE 2. Assert your own individ- uality in the classroom. Make it a rule to be late to classes and to come in noisily. Never make notes of assign- ments of work or directions for ex- periments. Keep a touching faith that the Instructor will delight in repeating these instructions to you after class. Contribute freely from your own experience to the class dis- cussions. Argue that what has hap- pened to you or your friend is suffi- cient to disprove the results of experi- mentation. Laugh loudly at your own remarks to a neighbor. Be prepared to leave the classroom before class is dismissed, closing your notebook noisily as a tactful suggestion to the Instructor that you are through. Stand up occasionally to suggest to the Instructor that the lecture is over. RULE 3. Don't take the study of Psychology seriously. If you are balked by a problem, fall back upon the uniqueness of your own mental constitution as the explanation. Tell the Instructor that Psychology is still young and has not the exactness of physics or chemistry. Explain frankly that you have no faith in the methods or results of Psychology. You might mention you are only taking the course for the credit anyhow. RULE 4. Be very enthusiastic about your capabilities as a natural-born * "Harold never knows quite when to stop." psychologist. Tell the instructor that you have been practicing it indeed for a long time. Tell him about the time you stared at the back of a girl's head until she turned around and saw you, thus proving the strength of your thoughts; or about the time you dreamed of getting money the night before you received a check from father; or about the wonderful char- acter-reading you had when some "ex- pert" felt your head and told you that you were a man of remarkable will- power. If the Instructor doubts the value of such psychological experi- ence, explain to him in a kindly but firm manner the true nature of psy- chology. RULE 5. Above all else, DON'T EXERT YOURSELF! Chesterfield Cigarettes Sir Walter Raleigh Tobacco MARCH TIMES ON Very Free Verse I are new college student Take physical exam I make round shoulders Stand flat foot Read chart backwards Cough No can hear Doctor say I have excellent health I must take ROTC I drill In rain In sun In mud Man behind Rush gun in my back Officer spit at me I decide I must get out Gym are better. I play sick I play dead It no help Maybe they like me too much I ask Captain He look up record He say mistake are been made My name are mixed with other But he say he are sorry No can change record I begin to cry. I walk in street I stop runaway horse On it are general's daughter But I not know her She ask What you want most I say Want to get out of ROTC She sore! She like army. Next day I go to school I are told I now take Gym I faint... * "Hey, drop those bombs quietly. You forget today is Sunday." Books THE CITADEL by A. J. Cronin Through the rise of a deter- mined young, Scot doctor from the poverty of a Welsh mining town to the plushed and hushed consulting rooms of a West End practice, Cronin carries Andrew Manson and his wife, Christine. To the story of Andrew's finan- cial success, moral failure and regeneration Cronin contributes all his knowledge of the best and worst of the medical profession, the heart - breaking struggle against prejudice and ignorance, the temptation to give the patient what he wants instead of what he should have, the emphasis on fees, and the cynicism that has made of many a Hippocratic oath a travesty on truth. From the dirt and squalor of Blaenelly, and the officious atti- tude of Blodwen Page, wife of Andrews nominal superior, An- drew went to Aberalaw, where as one of the five company physi- cians, he at first faced opposition for his quiet thoroughness. Chris- tine, his wife, walked beside him all the way, encouraging, re- straining, suggesting. Andrew and Christine were spiritually united until after they had obtained success through a fashionable London practice. She grieved for her husband's grow- ----- Books Reviewed Through the Courtesy of The Missouri Store. ----- ing callousness toward his pa- tients, his greed for guineas, and his acceptance of low professional and ethical standards. In the very act of performing a loving little service for Andrew she stepped carelessly in the path of a London bus. Death came instantly. Andrew was left alone to carry out his dream of real medicine without her, but with the aid of two firm friends of the pre- London period, he set himself to establish a hospital where con- sideration of the patient's welfare should be considered before his ability to pay. THE CITADEL, published to coincide with the meetings of the British Medical Society that cor- responds with our own American Medical Association, of course raised a great deal of indignant denial and stern interrogation. Cronin speaks authoritatively on the subject of inhuman corrup- tion in a humane profession, as he is not only a prominent con- temporary novelist, but also a registered physician in England. -J.R.M. SLOGUM HOUSE by Mari Sandoz From the courtyard of Slogum House, beaten hard and flaky with the hoofs of horses and the sharp rims of wagon wheels, many men stepped onto the porch of the House itself, and into the secret, wicked circle dominated by Gulla Slogum. To those who were seared by the glances from Gulla's cunning pig eyes, feeling the weight of her ambition, bad luck and calloused cruelty fol- lowed. For every dollar Gulla added to her store, a life was ruined, a heart torn, or perhaps a body lying face down out in the sandhills, with the greedy buz- zards circling over. The ruthless daughter of the no 'count Habers bullied her husband and her ser- vants, swore at her sons whose strength lay in the guns which never left them, taught her daughters licentiousness, a n d foreclosed m o r t g a g e s on her neighbors. All this she did in her desire to flaunt her possessions in the faces of her husband's relatives, whose reactions to her marriage stung her into cold hate. Through the weight of her will, enforced by her dark sons, she made the name of Slogum 'a power in the Ne- braska sandhills in the early nine- teen hundreds, a name at which (Continued on page 21) TOPIC Suzanne's BIG SISTER (Continued from page 9) nearly starved. And, to hear him talk, they lived in regular hovels. Well, I sat there with him that evening, and it wore me out. I didn't even talk to Kay after I came in. The dear darling thought I was quite mad. She was worried stiff. The next day-it was a Satur- day-I got a phone call from Paul. Kay was at the house, and we both talked to him, and that evening we double-dated again. Kay was so sweet. We had more fun than the first time. We went all around, and did we paint the town a deep, deep vermilion! It was simply marvelous. And Paul-he was as funny as ever. I never laughed so much in my life. But then, on the way home, the silliest thing happened. We bumped into Johnny, right on the edge of the campus. I can't im- agine where he had been-prob- ably to the library or some place like that. He was walking along, and when he saw me, he said, "Hello." Just like that. "Hello." I felt so dumb, I didn't know what to do. Imagine meeting him. He even stopped for a minute and stood there looking at me, as though he were expecting something. He was taller than Paul, but Paul got rid of him all right. He said, "Quit bothering the lady, you dope." Johnny looked at Paul and then at me and then he walked away. And then I said the silliest thing. I told Paul he shouldn't have acted like that. Everybody looked at me and burst out laugh- ing. Afterwards, I had to laugh, too. But when Kay got me home, she was furious. She told me I was the damnedest little fool she had ever seen-and I must have been. But that wasn't the worst of it. One evening, the following week, I bumped into Johnny on the campus, and he asked me to drink a coke with him. I said I didn't want a coke-I was half afraid of Kay seeing me with him again-and I should have ditched him right there, but I didn't. We walked around the campus, and then we sat down on the grass near the chemistry build- ing. There was a big full moon out that night and everything was pretty. I said very little, and we sat there like two frogs in a swamp. He kept looking at me though. And, darling, do you know what he had the nerve to say? He asked me why I went around with Paul. Did I like him? Or what? I was so flabbergasted I couldn't say a word. Any girl would have been. He said he didn't think Paul was much good, and I wasn't the kind of girl to go around with him. Him saying that! It was a surprise. I think I did say something, but I cant remember what it was. We went on sitting there, and he started talking about being a doctor again. I told him I'd better be going. He seemed quite dis- appointed. And it was all so silly and serious. Kay thought it was Missouri Drug Co. straight. I wish you had known him, you couldn't help liking him. very funny when I to-ld her about it later. As we were getting up from the grass, he put his arms around me and kissed me. It was the most reverent kiss. I felt like a holy relic. And he said real quiet, "You're very beautiful." He prob- ably thought he was being very, very chivalrous and that all girls are perpetual virgins or some- thing. I got uncomfortable and all I could say was, "You're very sweet." He took me back to the house without saying a word, and he didn't even try to kiss me good- night. When I got in, I decided not to tell Kay what had hap- pened, but I had pretty well made up my mind not to have anything more to do with Johnny. A girl simply can't go around with a fellow like that. She'd be per- fectly silly. And besides, Paul called me for another date. The whole thing would have ended right there, except that Johnny insisted on acting like the utter fool that he was. Kay heard from Paul what happened, and she told me. It seems that Johnny had taken it into his head that he was my self-appointed pro- tector and guardian, and he went to see Paul and told him that he shouldn't date me any more. Can you imagine the nerve! Paul thought it was funny, and we had our date together, and then the worst possible thing hap- pened. It made campus gossip for quite a long time, and I felt as ridiculous as any girl can pos- sibly feel. I was furious. I could have killed that Johnny, I believe. But I suppose I should have ex- pected it. Paul and I had an 11 o'clock Citizenship class together, and that day as we came out at noon, we saw Johnny waiting. I wish you could have seen that fool, darling. He was dressed in his best clothes, just like a brave knight in armor. And I guess he thought he was doing it all for my honor. It was a scream. He came walking toward us, and Paul saw there was going to be trouble, so he passed me his notebook and told me to wait a minute. He was so calm-not a bit excited. He went to meet Johnny as though he were a fra- ternity brother. You should have seen how q u ic k ly everything happened then. Before Johnny could do a thing, Paul was on top of him, and had him on the ground. Johnny was big and he was strong, but Paul certainly could wrestle and fight. All the students on their way to lunch gathered around and watched. There was a huge crowd-and there I was. I wanted to run away. But I couldn't leave Paul. He got Johnny's face down in the dirt and he kept rubbing it and rubbing it, until Johnny stopped fighting. Then Paul stepped back and let him up. I was so proud of him! I really began to appreciate how swell he was. And me, only a little fresh- man. He was certainly grand! Johnny got up very slow, and looked at me. He paid no atten- tion to the crowd. He just looked at me and I thought he was going to say something. He stood there looking so. silly, all dirty and scratched. You should have seen his clothes-a mess. And then he walked away. I don't know whatever became of him, but I think he left school. Or maybe he was thrown out because he started such a com- mon brawl. He certainly should have been. I know I never saw him again, not even in zoology lab. God, what a relief that was! That little experience taught me all I needed to know. If only Kay were here now, she could tell you. But you do understand, dont you, darling? You simply can't date fellows like that. Date: "There's a certain reason why I love you." Skirt: "MY Goodness." Date: "Don't be absurd." Cleo: "Gee, it's way past mid- night. You'd better get started." Anthony: "0. K. Blow out the candle." -Battalion Suzanne's SAVITAR * "Young man, I don't mind your holding my hand, but I do wish you would quit twisting my little finger!" Corn-Fed Kid From The West HE joined up in '17. Didn't quite know what it was all about, but it seemed the thing to do at the time. Then the front-and suddenly War lost every vestige of its glamor. He was scared. He was bewildered. He and another kid, who had be- come his best friend on earth, were out on a patrol. Something hit them. His friend was instantly transformed into a filthy mass of blood and bones and slime. He himself was too weak to move, or call for help, or groan. Then he moved no more, ever. * * * Poor kid? Of course. But perhaps he's lucky after all. He didn't live to see the beautiful ideals he fought for -"To make the World Safe for De- mocracy" . . . "To Protect the Rights of Little Nations" . . . "A War to End Wars-proven to be the empty notes with which the Pious Pipers had lured so many kids like him to their deaths. He didn't live to learn that millions of dollars had been spent by various interests to "educate" our people to the necessity of entering the war on the "right side." And he didn't live to see the whole world ready to be at each other's throats again-with ordinary citizens like us sitting by stupidly, whining "Isn't it terrible-but what can we do about it?" Well we can try to do some- thing! . . Write to World Peaceways, 103 Park Ave., New York City. SPORTS (Continued from page 7) look around before each toss to see if the teams were ready with the result that an average of thirty seconds lull followed each goal. Now with only five seconds allowed to put the ball in play, twenty-five seconds are saved after each goal. A record kept on the Pacific Coast showed that four to six minutes of playing time was added to each game. Since the game has been speed- ed up, more substitutes are used with the result that more boys get to take part in intercollegiate sports. No longer is it necessary to keep a tall man on the floor who can do nothing but get the tip-off; the medium-sized man has a better chance of making the team. Then there's the argument that a team that's behind in the score has a slimmer chance of over- coming the lead in the last few minutes, since it has to relinquish the ball after each field goal. Strange as it may seem, it has not worked out this way. In thirty - five experimental games on the Coast, the majority of the teams came from behind to win. For an example closer to home, consider the rally staged by the Tigers to defeat the Colo- rado Buffs in their second game. With these arguments the de- fense rests its case, and from the success the change is meeting, it seems that Edwards is right in predicting that there will be no major retrenchments in the rule when .the N: A. B. C. meets at Chicago next April.-T. B. A. BOOKS (Continued from page 15) men spat and women turned away their faces. Cattle rustling, murder, and corruption were all winked at by the county officials, whose consciences were wooed with Gulla's money and dulled by the soft blandishment of her daughters, Cellie and Annette. As it is with the plot, so it is with the style. Mari Sandoz's style, vivid, descriptive, forceful, is more than competent in the first two thirds of the book. While she is painting the picture of the weatherbeaten house with its creaking windmill and the evil that radiated from it, there could be little quarrel with her writing. This is not condemnatory; Slo- gum House is one of the most virile novels that has been pub- lished in the last decade, and well worth reading. The author of Old Jules, Atlantic prize winner of 1935, shows a mastery of the English language that makes her work as fresh as spring.-J.R.M. SHOWME SHOW (Continued from page 3) ESTHER SCHAEFFER, Tri- Delt, finally got the idea over to HERBERT TAYLOR, D. U., that she wasn't interested, which sent him bouncing back to Phi Mu JANE CUNNINGHAM.... JEFF PRIESTMEYER, Sig Alf, has been writing daily letters to CLEONE BARNES, smooth Christianite, while she serves a campus. . . . JOHN CHRIS- TIANSON, Alpha Gamma Rho, has given up the idea of ordering a jeweled pin after hearing what ROBERTA CARVER, Tri-Delt, had to say about pinnings. . PHILIPS and CO. There is some possibility that DICK ALLEN, Beta, will break loose and have a date sometime in the near future. . . . VERNON POWELL of the same house continues to draw names of the Kappas out of a hat. He can't be convinced that two dates with one is better than stringing the whole house. . . . Phi Delt JACK KENNISON showed up at Pan- Hel to get one dance with Pi Phi MORGAN. ... DALE MILLER, Phi Gam, is trying to work up a two-some with ALINE DAY, Delta Gam. . . . HENRY BUSHYHEAD, S. A. E., was caught unposed on the D. G. steps by a Life photog- rapher, and after the manner of celebrities, "Bushy" tried to take the picture man apart. . . . Too bad the forceful yen that BERRY WATSON, Phi Delt, has for NAN BARNES, Pi Phi, isn't be- ing returned. . . . Kappa Sig FRED CARL, human dynamo of the "J" school and show, is going in for some variety . . . ALICE KUNZ, petit Chi O, is making frequent trips out of Co- lumbia to see WARREN WOODALL, former Phi Delt pledge. . . The magnetic attrac- tion of MILLIE MITCHELL'S personality, Kappa, seems to be having great effect upon the iron of JACK SKELLEY'S heart, Sig Chi. ... BAKE ALEXANDER of the same house is still getting pack- ages from a most devoted girl in St. Louis. . . . DOROTHY BRINKERHOFF gets too many long distance calls from Arkansas which doesn't give the local men much headway. . . . MARTHA HUNT, Kappa, is now gushing all over Phi Psi BOB WILLITS. "SCOOP" GARSIDE is getting weak-kneed about LOU- ISE BOYD. . . BOB MEHL, Kappa Sig, has been concentrat- ing on Pi Phi NANCY COR- TELYOU plus dates on the side with Kappa BETTE ESTILL. page twenty-two DRIVEL Seen from behind a beer bottle in Givan's: A huge ten-gallon hat going into KFRU with a guitar case and a man. . . Goateed Econ Assistant Kahn, bicycling north on Ninth, tried to beat the Elm Street light. He deftly darted through a gas station drive but undeftly defied a law of phy- sics. The goatee landed first. . A little known figure around the campus is Prof. H. G. Brown's son. An extremely conscientious chap, he cracked Gen. Econ for an E. . . . President Middlebush's season seat for the concert series, in case you've wondered what he looks like, is row 9, seat 1, south of the middle aisle. . . . Gov. Stark sits two seats to the left and front. . . . Cape-buying at Prince- ton and other Eastern colleges failed to impress Mizzoumales. There is only one on the campus. The wearer is an English instruc- tor, Selby Hanssen. He also totes a green-cloth book bag. . . . Look alikes: President Middlebush and Basketball Ref. Wulf; Francis Westbrook, Jayschool Harvard grad, and George Arliss; Roberta Carver and Edyth Wright, Tom- my Dorsey's songstress; Orf and Orf . . . First impressions: Betty Ann Ohnemus - teeth; Mary Meyer-lips; Betty Albright-- eyes; Shirley Uchin-Godiva-like hair. "SORRY-COURSE IS FULL (Continued from page 2) Devices - Under this ambigu- ous title is presented instruction in such techniques as throwing one's voice to answer, "Here," for one's roommate who couldn't make class, reading quiz notes from one's shoe soles, hoodwink chaperons, evading late enroll- ment fees, et cetera. Animal Husbandry. Here is one for all the gals. Not an Ag course. Teaches you how to manage your husband at bridge games. You'll never have to spend any money with Forney's Student Service in this course, because the system and quizzes are changed every year. Buchroeder's Dr. R. A. Walters Optometrist FREE! A Box of Life Savers for the best wisecrack! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it in to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers. For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cellophane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of the pub- lication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky winner's name. Last Month's Winner Bill Dempsey "Sorry-the recession dropped me down to my last yacht." Life Savers Red Cab A. T.Clinkscales Auto Store SHOWME MOVIES (Continued from page 10) suggest that they'll be getting many more things in the same general bracket to do from now on. Miss Faye plays the star of their mutual admiration and, to be sure, commercial interest. Andy Devine and Charles Win- inger turn in good jobs of sup- porting cast members. BIG BROADCAST Five years ago Paramount con- ceived the idea of making a pic- ture in which famous radio, vaudeville, concert, opera and legitimate s t a g e personalities could be brought logically to the screen. 1932's venture, "The Big Broadcast" was a success and led to a decision to make an annual edition. The scope of the Big Broad- casts has widened to become a cinematic revue including all types of entertainment from low comedy to farce-chorus girls to grand opera-and a love story included. Dorothy Lamour, Martha Raye, Ben Blue, eccentric danc- ing comedian, Lief Erikson, and Shirley Ross give the picture a real cast. In addition, a bevy of chorus beauties will accentuate the eye glamour. Short Short Story She loved him with a fierce longing. He loved her with a wild desire. She was single, but could think of no greater fulfill- ment than to marry him. He was single, but had no other thought in life but to marry her. He stood on the right-hand side of the room. She stood on the left hand side of the room. He took off his coat and vest with one gesture and flung them carelessly on a nearby chair. She slipped neatly out of her red dress and proceeded to hang it carefully in the closet. His shirt and necktie were promptly dis- pensed with and soon lay on the same chair. Her slip followed in the wake of her dress and soon lay fastidiously on the back of a chair. His pants were soon to be hung on a hook on the back of the door. She sat on the left side of the bed and diligently peeled off shoes and stockings. He sat on the right hand side of the bed and removed his shoes and socks. He stood up and took off his shorts and undershirt. She stood up and removed the remaining parts of her attire. There he stood, a striking pic- ture of masculine symmetry and power. There she stood, a poig- nant etching of feminine grace and beauty. He put on pajamas of blue and white design. She put on her pink silk nightie. She got into bed on the left hand side. He reached up and put out the light in the middle of the room and got into bed on the right side. She turned out the reading light at the head of the bed. She faced toward the right. He faced toward the left. He was in the Sigma Chi house. She was in the Kappa House. So they both turned over and went to sleep. -Mad Hatter Prof.: What is the younger generation coming to? Ditto: Why? Prof.: I told a coed who came in to see me about her grades to sit down, and she looked around for a chair. -Columns Miller's FRATERNITY MANAGEMENT Gaeblers DORN- CLONEY CAMPUS -VALET CLEANERS Missouri Store Co. Lucky Strike Cigarettes