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Missouri Showme October, 1938 ; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1938

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Missouri Showme October 15 cents Pledge Rating Showme Subscription Showme Show We of Showme have a com- plaint to make against everybody in general. When six houses have the infernal and inglorious nerve to schedule their fall hops for the week-end after our deadline-it's just TOO much. Couldn't you folks out there be a little more considerate? Georgia Smedal, beauchus pee- fee from Kansas State, got off on the wrong foot at the Acacia hay- ride-says they're so much TAM- ER than she had expected them to be. Acacionally some things just don't live up to their repu- tations. Gordon Blackmore, B.M.O.C. of the Rho boys gave Jerry Stapel, ex-prexy of the Gamma Phi lodge, something new in charm bracelets the other day. A unique thing- has all the keys he has won at M. U. hung on it. It has come to the furniture picking out stage between Y.M.- C.A. prexy George Cech and Y.W.C.A. prexy Betty Ream. From the sound of their titles one would expect it to be on the up and up, too, wouldn't one? We're getting used to seeing Walt Keil, Alpha Sig, and Vivian Herrick, she of the southern drawl, doing everything together these days. No predictions yet, but we'll keep you posted. The Phi Psis pass around their favors equally! Last week they serenaded almost every sorority on the campus, and they were equally off key at each house. We Psighed because they couldn't get together. Of course you knew Poston Whitehead slipped his KA shield on Lorraine Elswick, Tri-Delt, during summer school-but we just had to remind you it's still there. The Kappa Sigs and the Sig Alphs are taking care of their absent brothers' femmes in a big way-On departing for Virginia U., Vaughn Bryant asked the SAE brothers to look after his girl of the moment, Jane Beibel, Theta pledge-formerly with the Susies. They took him literally, and Jane is well on the way to becoming the sweetheart of SAE. Then, the Kappa Sigs are doing a VERY good job of squiring Tri- Delt Dotty Weigel in the absence of her Kappa Sig pinner, Tommy Hughes. Betty Woody, Chi O honey, is again behind that Sigma Chi pin. We're still waiting with more or less baited breath for Sig Chi Lackey Johnson to get his cross so he can pin it on Savitar Queen A.G.D. Pollyanna Nichols. Fashion Flash-Key girl Tan- zey breezing into the Shack in a snazzy outfit of a very redish- and whitish-striped dress-hose- less and in beach sandals! ! We hear from Bonne Terre that Fun-Loving Marge Briggs is about to give her all (In case you've forgotten, Marge is that cuter DG who graduated last spring). Tip for the Phi Delt who fol- lowed the Kappa Sig who fol- lowed the Sig Alph who followed two other Kappa Sigs in the love life of Jane De Guire, the snappy Tri-Delt-why don't you ask Jane about the boy she left behind her? Phi Gam cheerleader and Kap- pa song Smith are comparing laryngitis. Her sisters are pronouncing a pinidiction over Gamma Phi Elea- nor Vagnino and FiJi Bob Rob- erts. Girls! Wait till you hear! Vic Cary, Mizzou's counterpart of the Duke of Windsor-with a south- ern accent thrown in for good measures--at last in the market for pinning? Says he wants to spend more of his time studying and less on dating-so all you maidens who want the glory of wearing a PiKA pin without be- ing bothered much by its owner, here's the chance of a lifetime! Dutton Brookfield, the T. T. and T. Beta, is going quite democratic these mornings. At least, he tells his brothers he's been out talking to the milkman when he comes into the Beta stronghold about three hours after sunup. Good try anyway, Dut! Rumors have been floating past our ears that one fraternity house has put a sorority on its black list-and just after the pledges of the two houses had staged a walk- out together, too. Clarence Bridwell, Barnwarmin' manager, and Gamma Phi pledge Elda Green, are twoing it. Barnwarmin' is just around the bend, girls! We can't find out much about the decorations, but they promise to be honies And Joy should certainly reign su- preme. Kappa Sig Christman, football- er deluxe is finishing the fourth quarter about eighteen points page one ahead of Scribe D. Campbell in the game over that Delight-ful gal. Maibelle Drumm, Kite girl, and Dutch Moser, KSig of future foot- ball fame, brought their romance with them. Warning to Eldon Jones-Carl Stepp has a mighty sweet band. Stepp and Co. celebrated their fourth week by inaugurating a radio program-that is some sort of record. We'd like to know: Who check- ed in the Tri-Delt who was sup- posed to check in the Tri-Delts Saturday night? How many Sig Alphs fell off the wagon last week end, when the wheel broke? Why Mike Dierkson's hair is turning gray? Helen Prokes-? Where DU playboy Billy Gibson is this year? What caused the split be- tween Bill Gill and Jane Force? Also-why Nadine Guernsey started out riding with John Lo- gan and returned with that guy in the yellow phaeton? Where Laura Louise Dille got that wonderful smile? How much longer Beta Butts will wait to pin Kappa Stanton? If the A. Chi O's really wanted that whole chapter to come to their dance? Why Jiggs James even worries about home- town competition in his pursuit of Thetadorable Maggie Jordan? We've been hearing a lot about walkouts lately: The girls from the A. Chi O. lodge escaped the grim surveil- lance of their older sisters and went out with the Kappa Sig small fry. A good time was had by all, they say, but the professors complain that even more sleeping than usual occurred in classes next day. DU know that Alpha Gam's novices trucked out and spent the evening dancing with the boys of Kentucky Road? The girls, upon return, were made to do some serenading (among other more ardous tasks) to the words of the laundry list. Some of the actives almost burst from laugh- ter, we hear. The DUs worked out their punishment committee page two in shifts so none of the actives need lose his beauty nap. Then were they chagrined when the punishees didn't show up as pre- scribed! A. D. Pi's pledges walked out with the infants of the Acacia lodge. Then the Gamma Phi neo- phytes cut quite a KAper the other night. Result: A lengthy and sternly guarded study hall. The boys Kappa serenade going out on the GPB lawn but that didn't console the now-studious lasses. The KA boys then thought to go to Jeff City, but from there you'll have to take up the story for yourselves. All your loving correspondents were able to find out was that the fellows walked back to town We think the old story about the flat tire is being given as the excuse. Then there were even other walk-outs-but this has to stop somewhere. Remember, until we see you again-we still think tapioca pud- ding is a lot of goo. And we do mean GOO! ! ! "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "That's not a fly, that's Raisin Delight." "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "Ah, cornered at last!" "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "Wait until you see the coffee." "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "Shh-all the customers will be wanting one." "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "What do you expect with the blueplate, a humming-bird?" "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup." "You see, our cook was for- merly a tailor." Judge: "Who was driving when you collided with that car?" SAE (triumphantly): "None of us. We were all sitting in the back seat." "May I take you home, I like to take experienced girls home." "But I'm not experienced." "You're not home yet, either." * THE CIRCUS STAND MAN GETS MARRIED. THE HAIR GOES UP! The Newest In Vogue's Galleries A. The Corkscrew Curl. You have to screw your hat on. Don't comb it out at night; just unwind it. Can be used to open bottles, tin cans, paper sacks-in fact, almost anything but doors. Comes equipped with a flashlight for finding hairpins dropped down inside. The hat should be grooved inside. B. The Fruit Basket Floogie. For girls who like to carry their lunch. Just rinse with Oxydol when you finish eating. Also suit- able for carrying laundry bag, exam notes or ham sandwiches. Lady magicians find it good for concealing rabbits and pigeons. The best hat for this creation is a piepan or clean napkin. C. The Egg Noggin. Has more curls than a Shirley Temple pic- ture. Guaranteed to cover up all bumps and other defects of the cranium. But it emphasizes de- fects inside the head. This coif- fure is so tender you'll have to sleep in a chair. Not recommend- ed for girls with large ears. But then, what is recommended? D. The Hood of Hair. Bangs at their lowest level. While most of the styles push up, this one goes into reverse. Good for girls who like to travel incognito. Even your own mother wouldn't know you-or want to-in this get-up. You can't see out, but nobody else can see in. This hair-do proves you can pull the wool over some eyes. You won't need a hat, but you'd better get a Seeing Eye dog. E. The Holiday Hatrack. Shaped like a Christmas tree to preserve the Yuletide spirit. Streamlined from top to bottom to cut down resistance in cold weather when you have to duck your head and walk against the wind. May be lit up at night (the headdress, not you, you little in- nocent) for purposes of showing you. the way home-if you're go- ing home. This one doesn't require a hat. A cap will do-a nightcap. F. The Droopy Tassel. For out- door, athletic girls who don't like the sun in their eyes. The tassel folds over like a mass of spaghet- ti. May be starched on Mondays, and will remain stiff throughout the week. But don't overdo it. If you ever want to comb it back, you may tear a hole in your scalp. And if you have to wear a hat, better cut a hole in it to let the tassel out. page three o THE MISSOURI SHOWME o "A Reflection of Modern Campus Thought" J. V. CONNOLLY, Godfather GEORGE J. SCHULTE, Jr., Business Manager EDITORIAL BOARD Phil Dessauer, Chairman John Hartzell George J. Schulte, Jr. ART STAFF Vic Take Effie Chiamardas Murray Amper Bill Davies BUSINESS STAFF Harry Pease, Circulation Manager Bud Barnes Mabel Kinyon ADVERTISING Frederick Irion Carl Flick Betty Peacock CONTRIBUTORS Lucille Gupton Bill Dempsey Sherwin Garside Kelly Simon James Ragland Bob Duncan Bob Dimke EXCHANGES Robert Kuelper Roy Moskop We think a few words by Hal Foster, King Feature artist whose facile brush produced the en- circled section of our cover, are worth passing on. About his drawing Friend Foster writes: "To more nimble brains than mine I leave the invention of a fitting caption for this cartoon, for my mind concerns itself only with top-lofty romanticism, and balks stubbornly at nosediving into the realm of cracks and wit- ticisms. "The sense, if any, of the en- closed drawing, is the contrast between winning one's heart's desire in bygone days and copping a wench today. In ancient days, when all men were handy with sharpened cutlery, courtesy was obligatory, and even found its way (this will astound you) into love. "Yes, sir, a wooing was con- ducted with much gallantry, son- nets, a verse or two, a heart- broken lay sung whiningly be- neath the window and even a dragon or two slaughtered just for show. "Even the mildest sort of ro- mancing (so they tell me) called for wall climbing and second- story work, whisperings under the moon and a throat or two slit under the most romantic circum- stances. By such means our an- cestors deluded, pleasantly, their victims. page four "And today! To break down a girl's resistance the young gentle- man, or squirt, as he is sometimes called, loads her innards with gallons of horrible carbonated muck, trucks her arches to a dead level; blows the beauty, carefully applied, from her hair and face by driving her nowhere at terrific speed in an open car; befuddles her with sticky-sweet candy bars and finally dazzles her by wear- ing, loose around his ankles, a flashing pair of socks, like a Zulu warrior. "When he gets her, she's a wreck. "An interesting sidelight on this drawing is that I had to use a K. U. student for a model. I met plenty of M. U. boys at Law- rence during the basketball season last year, but for some reason they all looked so downhearted after the games that they could not be used-or should I have mentioned that?" But, Mr. Foster, do the girls at K.U. always wear slacks on dates? That perennial cry, "No school spirit!" again strikes our ears as another football season gets under way. Most of us, it seems, would rather cry than yell. Nine cheer leaders we have. But nearly every time a cheer is or- ganized at a game either the band begins to play or the announcer reads football scores. We have more leaders than cheerers. "All right," you say, "suggest something better." That's what we want to do. Right now we suggest a men's pep club A club to sit together at games and; sound out when yells are turned on, to make something out of mass meetings, to organize between-the-halves stunts, to pro- mote Missouri and its athletic teams on our own campus. A club in which members are chosen for their willingness to take part in these activities, and not because they are somebody's roommates or somebody's fraternity brothers or just good fellows. POLICY With regard to recent in- formation: The editorial board of the Showme, as actually elected and approved by the owners of the magazine, will con- tinue to demand improve- ment of the publication-as it has done in the past. One Big Six school has three pep clubs, including a freshman group. Why can't we support just one? Old Gold Cigarettes Prince Albert Cigarettes Judge Q---, who once presided over a criminal court, was famous as one of the most compassionate men who ever sat upon the bench. His softness of heart, however, did not prevent him from doing his duty as a judge. A man who had been convicted of stealing a small amount was brought into court for sentence. He looked very sad and hopeless, and the court was much moved by his contrite appearance. "Have you ever been sentenced to imprisonment?" the judge asked. "Never, never!" exclaimed the pris- oner, bursting into tears. "Don't cry," said the judge, consol- ingly; "you're going to be now." * Club Bore: On one side of me a lion was creeping up; on the other a tiger approached stealthily. When they were about a yard from me, what do you think I did? New Member: Woke up? Club Bore (indignantly): No, sir! New Member (in admiration): Gee! I couldn't have slept on after that. Diner: Waiter! This stew is terri- ble. What kind is it? Waiter: The chef calls this his en- thusiastic stew. Diner: Why? Waiter: He puts everything he has into it. * "This young man who calls so often, Mary - are you thinking of marrying him?" "Yes 'm." "Do you know enough about him?" "Oh, yes! You see, the girl he's been engaged to for three years is a friend of mine." Prof.: Why don't you answer me? Frosh.: I did-I shook my head. Law Prof.: Well, you can't expect me to hear it rattle 'way up here! The dramatic critic started to leave in the middle of the second act of the play. "Don't go now," said the manager. "I promise there's a terrific kick in the next act." "Fine," was the retort; "give it to the author." "0 look, Mabel!" said Mr. Hen- peck, pointing to the circus poster. "They've got man-eating tigers!" Mrs. Henpeck looked her husband up and down. "Well, don't worry, Herbert. You've got nothing to be afraid of!" * "Name?" queried the immigration official. "Sneeze," replied t he Chinese proudly. The official looked hard at him. "Is that your Chinese name?" he asked. "No, Melican name," said the Ori- ental blandly. "Then let's have your native name." "Ah Choo." * Mr. Scribbler: How much board will you charge me for a few weeks while I gather material for my new country novel? Hiram: Five dollars a week unless we have to talk dialect. That's $3 extra. PLEDGES.PLEDGES. Here it is-at last! The original, unexpurgated, uncensored, and uninvited -Showme pledge rating! But it's different this year! No more stars for us; we saw too many AFTER the list was published last year! We've gone con- servative .We've gone Republican. We've gone away for a long trip. If you're a pledge and your name's not here, you'd better become an active pretty quick! If it is here and is misspelled, consult your mother and father! Who are we to call the printer a liar? If we've left your fraternity or sorority out altogether, well, we've changed our address, and besides, people are having troubles everywhere this season. Two used cigar bands and a nickle bottle of vinegar to anyone who turns in a complete deciphering of the type names-they are supposed to be puns, trick names, nick names, and damn clever. ACACIA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Vernon Schmidt Webster Groves Midget Blonde Butch Bill Davies New Britain, Conn. Tall Brown Alright Estal Cloud Thaver Squirt Blonde Nice Boy Don Lowry Kansas City Medium Brown Boy Soprano Carl Huffman St. Louis Sturdy Brown Caveman Bob Stauffer Kansas City Lean Milkish Correct Joe Corcoran Damascus, Ga. Rounded Black Southern Dale Hitt Christopher, Ill. Stocky Brown Duckish Jim Reed Henryetta, Okla. Small Red Yippee Jay Hildreth Independence Medium Brown Frog Voice E.L. Monroe Kansas City Lanky Black Ummmm ALPHA CHI OMEGA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Alice Black Hematite Medium Brownette Smart Alec Virginia Buster Columbia Medium Brownette Parlor Trick Betty Carpenter River Mines Small Brownette Affectionate Jeanne Chappell Houston, Tex. Medium Sandy Ginger Kathleen Cowing Homewood, Ill. Tall Blonde True Blue Betty Dixon Columbia Medium Brownette Debuswank Della Emerson Kirkwood Small Brunette Problem Child Tobey Heiser Hannibal Medium Blonde Hanni-Belle Marie Huskins Wilburton, Okla. Medium Brownette Refreshing Virginia Johnson Fort Smith, Ark. Medium Brunette Dreamy Edna Jean Johnson Fort Smith, Ark. Willowy Blonde Honey Ruth Juncker Festus Tiny Brownette Jelly Jane Edna Kavanaugh St. Louis Tall Brownette Baby Snooks Alma Martin Irondale Tall Brownette Lucky Strike Barbara Mathews Farmington Medium Brunette Spitfire Nadine Milburn Columbia Tall Chestnut Preferred Stock Gwen Reddy Kansas City Medium Brownette Winsome Betty Gayle Vogt Columbia Tall Brunette Twinkling Dorothy Wiley Kansas City Pixie Blondish Short'n Sweet Louise Wilkes Cassville Medium Blonde Whimsical Central Milk Columbia Tops None Want More ALPHA DELTA PI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Martha Henley Columbia Medium Blonde Moon River Betty Thompson Springfield Small Brunette Swingshine Helen Boillot Boonville Medium Brunette Otchi Tchornyia Helen Davis Webster Groves Tiny Brunette Gaeblerette Eleanor O'Day Springfield Medium Brunette Manana Vinita Randles St. Louis Small Brunette Rippling Rhythm Billie Strunck Christopher, Ill. Small Brownette Sparkler Ruth Ragsdale Columbia Tall Brunette Pre-med-onna Jane Higgins Elkville, Ill. Small Blonde Dollectable HOUSE BEAUTIFUL page seven BARTH'S STULLKEN- ELLIS, INC page eight ALPHA EPSILON PHI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Natalie Fisch San Antonio, Tex. Tiny Brunette Small Fry Dorothy Gordon Atlanta, Ga. Medium Brownette Georgia Peach Jean Greenman Kansas City Medium Brunette But Definitely Nan Hyman Fremont, Ohio Small Blonde Pink Lady Maxine Israel Kansas City Tall Brownette A Natural Lulu Kassel Toledo, Ohio Small Brownette Some Lulu Ruth Klein Salt Lake City Medium Red-head Kleind-hearted Gloria Margulis Dallas, Tex. Small Brunette Brown Bomber Frieda Milsten Tulsa, Okla. Medium Blonde Genuine Marian Navran Kansas City Tiny Brownette Short but Sweet Marjorie Rosen St. Joseph Small Auburn Clevervescent Babette Strausberger Galesburg, Ill. Medium Brownette Caught Ruth Viner Tulsa, Okla. Small Brownette Triller Anne Etta Waldner Kansas City Medium Brunette Dark Eyes ALPHA GAMMA DELTA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Helen Prokes St. Louis Small Brownette Giglette Vivian Mintner Kansas City Small Blonde Acaciabelle Lily Ann Dickey New York City Tall Brunette Esquirette Martha Saari Bessmer, Mich. Tall Blonde Sugar n' Spice Pauline Stockwell Forest City Tall Brunette Dramasque Betty Hinman East Orange, N. J. Tall Brownette Orange Blossom Jean Ream Maitland Tall Brunette Demurotic Ice Cream It's Central Jumbo Cone Queen's Delight Lois Bedell Webster Groves Tall Brunette Rhapsody Ann Schock Columbia Small Brunette Electrifying Jean Steber Spencer, W. A. Medium Blonde Spasmodic Phyllis Murray Philadelphia, Pa. Medium Brunette Phillysophisticate Mary Louise Boone Portageville Small Brunette Home Ec-spert Tony Duffy Vernon, Tex. Tall Blonde Breezy Betty Rome Park Ridge, Ill. Tall Brunette Dipsy Doodle Una Mae Palmer Columbia Tall Brunette Warblereuse Margaret Sheppard Columbia Medium Blonde Lambie Pie Dona Stiles Princeton Small Blonde Goldylocks Betty Baker Newport News, Va. Tall Brunette Arliss (R-less) ALPHA GAMMA RHO Name Origin Stature Hair Type J. Russel Baker Linn Average Blonde Polished Elbert Barrett Springfield Average Blonde Slick chick Ovid Bay Trenton Short Brunette Conservative Roy Branham Granby Average Dark Doer Don Camfield Neosho Medium Light Half back Warren George Boonville Short Brunette Trooper Don Grindell St. Louis Average Very black Plenty slick Bob Griswold Exeter Medium Dark So cute Julius Keller Salisbury Tall Dark Philosopher Harry Klaus Salisbury Average Blonde Fred A. Floyd Miller Trenton Average Blonde Politician Wayne Nibbelink Columbia Pretty tall Brown Think-ster Kyle Peterson Kahoka Tall Brown Action Denzil Sigars Waco Short Brown Live wire Elliott Slusher Lexington Average Red Fire! Fire! Donald Whitney Trenton Average Black Movie Star Vester Wilson Pleasant Hope Average Blonde Everything Gordon Ytell Asbury Average Brunette Powerhouse ALPHA GAMMA SIGMA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Harlan Arp Palmyra 6 even Black Danfort trip Jerry Baker Lockwood Very tall Brunette So romantic! Quentin Banks Rector Little boy Dark Mighty Glenn R. Brock Ridgeway Big Blonde Racer John A. Cassel Jerico Springs 6 Brunette Prize Ring Ray. Frankenbach Hannibal Average Blonde Woman's Choice Van Fountain Centralia Heavy Brunette Mule Boy Russ Hellensmith Moberly Average Red Hybrid C. S. Heusi Higginsville Average Brunette Card Sharper E. A. Keithly Frankford Average Blonde Hot Dog Russell Lane Red Top Short Brunette Red Top Merl C. Lasley Liberal Average Brunette Blacksmith Fred Lawton, Jr. Huntsville Tall Brunette Cow's Choice Orval Lewis Adrian Average Blonde Movie Star (?) Rodney Libbee Hannibal Average Blonde 25c Back Howard Long Steele Average Brunette Wet toes Vernon McRoberts Monticello Tall Dark All E's Everett McGinnis Huntsville Average Black City Farmer Charles Pulliam Adrian Medium Brunette Pull 'em Glenn Stockwell Brookfield Average Brunette Ladies Man Billy P. Teaff Ash Grove Tall Black Osarker Eugene Thacker Gower Medium Blonde Christian Coll. R. Donald Thacker Gower Medium Blonde C. Gable J. Van Houten Clarence Tall Black Prairie Moon Paul Voris Buffalo Average Blonde Trapper Harold Wegehoft Hannibal Tall Blonde Farmer ALPHA PHI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Gene Cauthorn Mexico Medium Brunette Cinna-men Virginia Schindler St. Louis Small Brunette Chiquita Betty Gibbs Columbia Medium Blonde Betty Co-ed Betty Holbrook St. Louis Tall Brownette Sophistoncy Alice Malone St. Louis Medium Brownette Tres-charmante Doris Bales Kansas City Medium Brownette Shymatic Winafred Snoddy Gilliam Tall Brownette Vunderbar Lois Stoerger Columbia Medium Blonde Guini-vere Central Orangeade Tall Red Sweet and Lovely ALPHA SIGMA PHI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Marshall Dugger St. Louis Hercules Blonde Tarzan Joe Bellanca Buffalo, N. Y. Tall Black Brainy Merrill Gassert Brooklyn, N. Y. Wiry Black Jovial William Hein St. Louis Goin'Up Brown Okay Doke Oliver Neuner St. Louis Tall Blond Deutch Joe Frasher St. Louis So High Groomed Dapper Milton Schneblen Webster Groves High Black Big Bud William Abram St. Louis Big Sandy Sunny Charles LeRoi St. Louis Mite Fiery Cocky Al Clodius St. Louis Medium Brown Jitterer Robert Senior Mt. Vernon, N. Y. Tall Bushy Romeo George Asher Belleville, Ill. Little Brown Always There Ray Carr St. Louis Stringy Thick Astaire Dan Healy St. Louis Tall Doubtful Poor Punner ALPHA TAU OMEGA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Joe Green Nevada Medium Brown Up'natum Jerald Lillard Richmond Medium Brown Ambitious John Crocker Columbia Tall Blonde Cracker Jack Bob Marriott Moberly Medium Blonde Epicurian Roy Hauck, Jr. Kansas City Tall Light Duckie Fred Russ Moberly Tall Dark Pleasing L. A. Nickell, Jr. Columbia Tall Dark Kingly Charles McQuaid Memphis Medium Light Wow! Bob Noble Kansas City Short Dark Demure Bill Ives Topeka, Kan. Medium Dark Smilin' Bill Bill Tookey Bozeman, Mont. Medium Dark Smoothy Hal Peck Kansas City Medium Dark Dancie CRYSTAL Coffee Shop Baird Flowers page nine SCENARIO On train. Time, 1:00 A. M. Characters: Lady in Lower 5, Irishman in Upper 5. Other berths filled with passengers trying to sleep. Irregular buzz-saw snoring in upper 5 Lady in lower 5 grows desper- ate and knocks with umbrella on bottom of .berth above her Snoring stops for fifteen min- utes and then is resumed, louder than ever. Lady knocks desperately on bottom of upper 5 as train stops at water tank. Snoring stops in- stantly and the stillness is broken by a rich Irish brogue: "I heard ye the first toime, ye brazen thing." -B D. Buchroeder's page ten BETA THETA PI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Eddie Buckner Mexico 5-8 Blonde Fair 'n' Middlin' Ed Miller Columbia 6-2 Brown Humoritis Don Simpson Potosi 5-10 Light Q. T. Ed Hornbeck Hannibal 6-1 Brown Steady-Eddie Howard Combs Clarence 6-1 Brown Honey-Combs John Warner Noevata 5-7 Dark Solitudinous Bill Schriver St. Joe 6-1 3/4 Dark Joe-town Kid Bill Collins Kansas City 5-9 Dark Swing 'n' Sway Bob Boyd Owensville 5-11 RED Flaming Youth Bruce Barton Kansas City 5-10 1/2 Dark Courtin' Cute Alvie Miller Kansas City 5-6 Dark Athelittle George Kraft Kansas City 6-1 Dark Relax-Ajax Bob Blauw Kansas City 5-8 1/2 Dark Atlas-itude Walt Meirhoffer St. Joe 6-2 Dark Talltanic Bill Raidt St. Joe 6 Dark Tyrone Powerish Halliburten Huff Carthage 6 Brown Brain born Bob Johnson Joplin 5-7 Light PRIZEfighter Bob Black Detroit, Mich. 5-7 Dark Portable noiseless Jack Tootle St. Joe 6-3 Brown Tootle-oooo Lloyd Jones Columbia 6-2 1/2 Brown Li'l Abner Bud Meding St. Louis 5-7 Dark Price victory? CHI OMEGA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Jeanne Cauhape Roswell, N. M. Tall Brownette Western Star Anne Collier Pine Bluff,Ark. Tall Brunette Dream Girl Martha Creamer Kansas City Tall Blonde Giddy Jane Eckford New Orleans Small Ash Blonde Bayou Belle Barbara Faris Caruthersville Medium Auburn Bashful Bernice Gasperik Chicago Tall Brunette Blase Margaret Huff Bonne Terre Medium Brownette Sincere Janice King Minden, La. Medium Auburn Honey "Chile" Dorothy Schlotzhauer Columbia Medium Red-head Angelic Helen Schmal Fort Worth, Tex. Tall Brunette Poised Margaret Simpson Columbia Small Brownette Effervescent Betty Smith Farmington Medium Chestnut Genuine Bette Woody Golden City Medium Brunette Collector DELTA DELTA DELTA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Elizabeth Bellenger Altus, Okla Small Brownette Fireside Nancy Birkhead Carthage Medium Brownette Robin Jo Bishop Kansas City Medium Blonde Borneotic Marjorie Brillault Kansas City Medium Brownette Tweed Betty Bruner Tulsa, Okla. Medium Blonde Click Frances Deal Columbia Medium Blonde Sweet 16 Josephine Gilkinson Chicago Tall Blonde Vogue Jane Hancock Montgomery City Medium Brownette Angorra Ruth Hinman Kansas City Tall Brownette Toujours Moi June Henderson St. Louis Medium Brownette Tasty Caroline Jones Kansas City Medium Brownette Missouri-Anne Kirby Kirby Lula, Miss Tall. Brownette Double Stuff Janice Lathy Kansas City Medium Brownette K. C. Special Mary Legan Springfield Medium Brownette Curfew Martha Jane Meyers Sikeston Medium Ditto Swamp Fire Helen Nance Webb City Tall Blonde Mortar Board Adelle Newsum New Madrid Tiny Brownette Little Rebel Betty Riley Lilbourne Tall Brunette SparklingBurgundy Mary Rosebaum St. Louis Small Blonde Honeysuckle Marifrances Schell Kansas City Tall Titian Super Charged Marialice Short Independence Medium Brownette Peter Panish Mary M. Street Columbia Tall Brownette Mannequin Barbara Thornell Sidney, Iowa Small Brunette Cinderella Louise Thornton Kansas City Tall Blonde Cut Diamond Pat Veatch Webster Groves Small Blonde Staccato Betty Jean Wallin Columbia Medium Blonde Chartreuse Velvet Winnifred Wise Tulsa, Okla. Medium Blonde Toasted Patty Beth Woodburn Poplar Bluff Medium Brownette Schaiperellish DELTA GAMMA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Ruby Blackmore Columbia Medium Brownette Rain Check Dorothy Carter Kansas City Small Blonde Beautiful and- Lucille Gupton Oxford, Nebr. Medium Blonde Petty Powered Ann Robertson Bolivar Tall Blonde Snow White Nancy Ebert Clayton Medium Brunette Desert Delight Margaret Strother Kansas City Medium Brunette Perty Jerry Reilly University City Medium Titian Peptitian Louise Buzzard Fort Scott, Kans. Small Brownette Giggluscious Helen Matson De Kalb, Ill. Medium Blonde Svelte Central Chocolate Milk 1/2 Pt. Brown Thick Betty Peckenpaugh Muskogee, Okla. Medium Brunette Symmetrical Mary Dobbin Kansas City Tall Blonde It's Toasted Billie Boatright Kansas City Tall Brunette Ivory Georgianne Combs Kansas City Tall Brunette Harmoneyes Jane Bell St. Louis Tall Blonde Double Peggy Bell St. Louis Medium Blonde Trouble Joan Murchison Kiwanee, Ill. Medium Brownette Demure de Better Marian Abernathy Trenton Medium Brunette Domesticute Marjorie Lee Cook Trenton Medium Brownette Naive Rita Keating Kansas City Tall Brunette Coca Cola Pauline Felix Kansas City Medium Russet Sporter Doris Wallace Kansas City Medium Brunette Body Beautiful Mary Ann Bates Richmond Tall Brunette Annie Oakley Florence Durant Columbia Medium Brownette Lola Lane-ish Marjorie McFadden St. Louis Medium Blonde Elegantease Mary K. Jacobs Columbia Tall Blonde Invigorating DELTA TAU DELTA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Vincent Abbott St. Joseph Fair-t-m Brown Outdoor Bob Chick Columbia Medium Black Wish We Knew Dick Fenner St. Joseph So high Tow-head Cheery soul Neal Guffey St. Joseph Towers Clover h. Pride and joy Willard Lyon Kansas City Comfortable Inky bl. The doc Joe Maupin St. Joseph Average Stringy bl. Little Caesar Bill McGinness Excelsior Springs Enough Sandy, curly Playboy Jim Pemberton Kansas City So-so Smooth br. Meditative Warren Ruddy St. Joseph Tall guy Bl. & wavy Slick chick Benny West Salisbury Also tall Just black Rangy cowboy Bob Westcott Knox City Slight Blondish Powerhouse DELTA UPSILON Name Origin Stature Hair Type Jim Nelson Springfield, Ill. Tall Brown Suave Bill Allmart Wheaton, Ill. Tall Black Innocent Paul Ridings Fort Worth, Tex. Medium Black Diplomatic Dave Thomas Tarkio Medium Black Forward Tom Morris Desloge Medium Brown "Tops" The MISSOURI STORE page eleven SIDESHOW Now I'm all alone. A minute ago I was standing here Watching the little monkeys, And a very pretty girl Was standing in front of me, And just then one of the Monkeys made a move Towards her. She suddenly screamed And fell backwards Right into my arms- She hesitated for a moment there, Then said, "Oh, that little thing Frightened me so; I beg your pardon." And then I said gallantly, "Not at all. Let's go over and Watch the elephants"- And now I'm all alone. -B. D. A prof who comes two minutes early to class is very rare. In fact -he's in a class by himself. Benedict's Garage page twelve John Clay Flat River Tall Brown Sir Galahad Ed Ogden Willow Springs Short Brown Delicate J. C. McCreery Columbia Medium Blonde Urbane Jack Vinyard Butler Short Blonde Cutie Guenther Kurth St. Louis Medium Brown Spontaneous Jack Morgan Alberta, Canada Tall Brown Wham! Charles Windsor Richmond Heights Tall Brown Aristocrat FARMHOUSE Name Origin Stature Hair Type Gordon Albrecht Illmo Tall Blonde Farmer David Baugher Milan Short Dark Smoothie John Gale Hayti Short Dark No noise Harley Kennedy Bethany Stocky Dark Never out of fur Keith Magee Bethany Tall blond Fibber Allen Marlett Rockport Short Dark Intelligencia Robert McCurdy Sedalia Stocky Medium Good shoe shiner James McCall Fortuna Tall Dark Country boy Frank Reeves Charleston Tarzan Blonde U-uhmmm Buttermilk 1106 Broadway Creamy Golden Good in the a.m. GAMMA PHI BETA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Frances Davis Keytesville Tiny Brownette Cricket Julia Baldwin Kennett Medium Brunette Attractive Jane Espey St. Louis Medium Brownette Peppervescent Elda Green Willow Springs Tall Blonde Willowy Helen Harney Maplewood Tall Brunette St. Louie Woman Florence Louthan Kansas City Medium Brunette Cocky Marian Rix St. Joseph Tall Blonde Colonel's Daughter Frances Sunderland Kansas City Small Brunette Innocent Marjory Snyder Kansas City Medium Brunette Violet Frances Tucker Columbia Medium Brunette Clever Eleanor Vagnind Kansas City Small Brunette Slick Chick Aubrey Weldon Kansas City Tall Brunette Fi-Deltish KAPPA ALPHA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Dick Asel Jefferson City 6 even Brown Slick Monkey Jim Brady Kansas City Average Blonde Bull Dog Herbert Bossman Kansas City Tall Blonde Too Smooth Tex Cardner Byers, Tex. Tall Black Real Joe Kinnard Dillon Morehouse Average Dark Professional Bill Daume Brookfield Tall Black T. P. Wynn Dixon Cuyahoga Falls, O. Average Dark Every bottle's fr. George Eberle Silex Average Dark Home to gal Jim Gregory Jefferson City Average Light Profess'al griper Alex Gates Clinton Average Light '23 Buick Alex Gay Webster Groves Average Medium Heart Throb Lewis Gun Alton Average Dark Silent Heart Wade Caruthers Salisbury, Md. Tall Dark No Words Charles Kessinger Rogersville Tall Dark Tall, dark, dumb. Norman Mercet Kansas City Tall Dark Big and ugly Earl Ray Louisiana Tall Medium Lover of women John Stuffelbean Brookfield Tall Dark Big and noisy Sam Swafford St. Louis Short Dark D. Store cowboy Oliver Ferguson Fredericktown Short Light Flash Gordon Arch McGregor Springfield Medium Medium Airplane John McRae El Reno, Okla. Small Dark Fashionplate Jimmy Kent Caruthersville Medium Light Annie Oakley Tommy Shoope Dallas, Tex. Medium Medium Muscle Lafayette Howard Gasconade Tall Brown Athlete Glenn Graf Rhineland Medium Medium Cork smeller KAPPA ALPHA THETA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Mary E. Anderson Webster Groves Tall Brunette Chop Chop Dundee Autenrieth Clayton Medium Brownette Peck O Fun Jean Biebel Bellville, Ill. Tall Brunette Hypnotic Betty Browning Lee Summit Medium Brunette Boudoir Lamps Carlyss Casey St. Clair Tall Brunette 7-Up Maibelle Drumm Chillicothe Medium Blonde Sun-Kist Betty Frank Oswego, N. Y. Medium Brownette Allegro Frances Fontaine Kansas City Medium Brownette Kisticated Katherine Gentry Jefferson City Tall Brownette 'N Ace Betty Lou Gloyd Jefferson City Tall Blonde Par Plus Central Butter At Your Dealer Good None Fresh Betty Godfrey Kansas City Medium Blonde Jitter Bug Mary Helmstetter Springfield, Ill. Small Brownette Jubilucious Marion Henwood Jefferson City Small Brunette Activacious Margaret Jordan Oklahoma City Small Blonde Jackpot Jane King Santa Anna, Calif. Small Blonde Cameo Mary Bob Kyger Kansas City Small Brownette Suede Anne Marcotte Portland, Ore. Medium Blonde Journalesque Mary L. Mattson Kansas City Medium Blonde Clover Mary Miller Montgomery City Tall Brownette 9944/100 Jane Newcomer Kansas City Small Brownette Marionette Mary M. Russell Parsons, Kan. Medium Brownette Scintillating Margaret Speer Kansas City Medium Brunette Orchidorable Jane Williams St. Petersburg, Fla. Tall Blonde Ermine Eleanor Wilson Kansas City Small Blonde Mitey Helen Woodson Platte City Small Brownette Ala-Umph KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Emily Burnett Salt Lake City Tall Brownette G-Lamour-ish Betty Donnell Sikeston Tall Ash Blonde Dignificent Jean Lucas Webster Groves Medium Brunette Mirth Mad Alice Harkless Kansas City Tall Brownette Hepburnish Sara Jane Sanders Tulsa, Okla. Medium Brownette Sacharin Barbara Harbaugh St. Charles, Ill. Medium Brownette Legsotic Jerre Phillips Tulsa, Okla. Small Blonde Ladin Lamp Betsy Harris Newport, R. I. Small Brunette Pekinese Mary Himmelberger Cape Girardeau Medium Brunette Five Aces Helen Wilson Marshall Medium Brunette Personiplus Betty Moore Columbia Tall Brunette Honey Chill Harriet Robnett Columbia Tall Brunette Chesterfields Virginia Capps Columbia Medium Brownette Book-key Martha Bryant Columbia Medium Brunette Lush Martha Callen Trenton Medium Brunette Pepette Janet Jaquin Peoria Short Brunette Specktacular Margaret Robertson Kansas City Medium Brunette Dansomnia Mary M. Barnhart Boonville Small Red-head Petitian KAPPA SIGMA Name Origin Stature Hair Type William Bishop Salina, Kan. Tall Brunette Stork Roy Lee Caldwell Shelbina Tall Brunette Tal 'n Dark Paul Christman Maplewood Mountain Blonde Toe Palooka Ray Cleiman Chester, Ill. Small Blonde Mighty Atom Houston Cox, Jr. Columbia, Miss. Medium Brown Yas Suh Maurice Cravens Salina, Kan. Medium Brunette Bird Dog II Harold Edwards Columbia Tall Brown Bull Jack Ellison Alton, Ill. Medium Brown Lonesome Lover Bill Ferguson Independence Small Blonde Jr. College Bill Hamilton St. Louis Medium Blonde Intelligencia Gene Herbst St. Louis Medium Blonde St. Louis Man Frank Johnson Columbia Medium Blond Hi Ya Boy Robert Kuelper St. Louis Tall Brunette Boy Scout George Lockett Cucumcari, N. M. Medium Brown Lil Doggie Ernest Moore University City Tall Brunette Beef Stew The Brown Derby page thirteen Fredendall's CAMPUS CAB page fourteen Sam Moore University City Tall Brunette Sultan Joe Morrow Liberty Medium Brown Gabby Charles Moser Chillicothe Medium Brunette Center! Roy Moskop St. Louis Medium Red head Roving Red Charles Pitney Louisiana Medium Blonde Gene Krupa Jay Richards Sioux Falls, S. D. Small Blonde Encyclopaedia John Sandige Phoenix, Ariz. Tall Blonde Cactus Kid Bill Schick Chicago, Ill. Medium Blonde Spasm Jack Sloan Denver, Colo. Tall Red-Head Coon Dog Hubert Spake, Jr. Kansas City Tall Brunette Undefinable Richard Taaffe Joplin Tall Brown Kid Swing Charles Watkins Chillicothe Medium Brown Virtuoso Jack Whalen Maplewood Tall Brown Li'l Abner Ed Wildermuth Kirkwood Small Blonde Curley Victor Wipke Kirkwood Small Brown Pudgy LAMBDA CHI ALPHA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Charles Adams Jerseyville, Ill. Average Brown Brainstorm Robert Beiler Topeka, Kans. Average Dark Nuff said Guy Brown Middletown, Pa. Tall Brown You said it Elmer Gerringer Manzanola, Colo. Medium Brown Slippery James Gressler Little Falls, N.Y. 225 lbs. Black Greasy Orval Hoeltzel Kansas City 6 flat Black Ego Roy Jacobs St. Louis Average Brownette Youse guys Hugh Lake St. Louis Short Black Father Devine Stanley Mertel Clinton Tall Dark Pretty Boy Herman Miller St. Louis Very Tall Black Chisel foot Jack Neeley St. Louis Medium Red Bad news Bill Overbey Appelton Medium Blonde Hi fellas Bill Rains Clinton Average Black Fast! Edward Werner Clifton, N. Y. Atlas Blonde Real build PHI DELTA THETA Name Origin Stature Hair Type David Oliver Cape Girardeau Tall Blonde Superlectable Turner White Lake of Ozarks Tall Blonde Fuzzy Marshall Burton Webster Tall Blonde Winsome Roger McRae Kansas City Tall Brown Hodge-Podge Bill Stobie Webster Medium Brown Dull-Lightful Charles Tanner Sikeston Medium Blonde Loquacious Dick Bentley Glascow Medium Brown Refreshing Bill Bruce Mexico Tall Brown Peaceful Bill Hobbs Webster Tall Brown Delovable Roy Flesh Webster Tall Brown Owlish Russell Sheldon Kansas City Tall Brown Poisenality Alex Dancy Jackson, Tenn. Medium Black A"drawl"able Ralph Taylor Kansas City Tall Black Brother Michell Misslap Jefferson City Medium Blonde Desirable Sam Edwards Kansas City Medium Brown Lackadaisical Noel Wood Kansas City Medium Black Stumpy Jackie Jackson Webster Medium Black Undefinable Jack Reck Webster Medium Red "hip"notic Dick Tabor Plain View, Tex. Tall Black Whimsical Don Becker Webster Tall Brown Dateable Bill Williams Columbia Medium Brown Cosmopolitan Paul Knight Columbia Tall Black Temptacious P. K. Weis Moberly Small Black Booklastic PHI GAMMA DELTA Name Origin Stature Hair Type George Rush Webster Medium Brown "Manner" Man Earl Johanning Webster Tall Brown Esquirable Jack Ratchford Kirkwood Medium Blonde Homesick Lee Cass Kirkwood Medium Red Cute-Alec Jim Heruly Buffalo, N. Y. Short Brown Sophizzlecated Arthur Settlage St. Louis Medium Blonde Baby-Dimplish Dick St. Louis Tall Blonde Digni-neat Perron Moore Kansas City Tall Blonde Adonis G. C. Baker Skyeston Medium Blonde Ruraluscious W. H. Ennis Kansas City Medium Brown Pug-nose-cious THOUGHTS WHILE DOZING IN CLASS Young people attending college are called "students" for want of a better name. Students should be allowed to wear pajamas in class- a subtle rebuke for tiresome professors. More than a murder a day has been committed in the United States during the last year. People are lucky to live in the United States. A lot of people who have invested cool millions in a business have gotten nothing but frozen assets out of it. For years everybody was yelling for the working men to get back his beer. Well, beer did come back, but it may be years before the working man will. Our landlord is so hard up that he insists he is going to move in on us. One good thing about the repeal was that it took thousands of brewery horses off the race tracks. Two balloonists fall into lakes; four gas bags down. The names of the congressmen they had with them weren't dis- closed. One critic says that the majority of comedians are not funny in private life. The last three words are superfluous. A good way to achieve world peace would be to replace all our statesmen and politicians with prize-fighters. Wish the bell would ring. "Say, ah!" "If he's not a contortionist, he's got a broken leg." IN THE NOOSE "Two-Gun" Bumper had just been captured by the G-Men. He was im- mediately led to the local jail where he was given temporary lodgings until an appropriation was made to send "Two-Gun" to his more permanent home in Alcatrez. Everything went on all right until, one morning, "Two-Gun" went wild as he read an article in the local daily, credited to the Associated Press reporter, Luke Bradford. "So I'm a pushover for blondes-wait'll I catch up with that guy Bradford." "Two-Gun" didn't have to wait too long, for he was introduced to Brad- ford on the same day he boarded the California Special enroute to fill a ninety-nine year engagement with the government officials. "What's the idea of writing that I'm a push-over for blondes?" queried the displeased "Two-Gun" Bumper. "But you are a 'push-over for blondes,' aren't you?" "Sure," said "Two-Gun", "you show me a real man who isn't? My dis- appointment is that the Associated Press should use such language." Chesterfield Cigarettes Sir Walter Raleigh Tobacco JUST AS GOOD A stout Negress came before a New York magistrate, complaining that her ex-husband had made a barbarous at- tack upon her with a large pair of shears. "Mistah Judge," she bellowed, "dis here man, he rushed at me wid dese scissors! Yas, suh! An' he cut an' slashed mah face mos' to ribbons. He jabbed mah eyes and carved mah face like it was sausage meat-all torn an' bleedin', it wuz!" The magistrate looked at her broad smooth countenance, on which ap- peared not the slightest sign of con- flict. "When did you say this happened ?" he inquired. "Only las' night. Mistah Judge," was the reply. The puzzled magistrate gazed at her carefully. "Only last night! But I don't see any marks on your face!" "Marks!" she roared. "Marks! What de debbil do I care for marks? I'se got witnesses!" * The son of a policeman was learn- ing music. "How many beats are there to a bar in this piece of music, dad?" "Fancy, asking a policeman a question like that," said the boy's mother. "If you had asked your daddy how many bars there were to the beat, he might have been able to tell you!" * Johnnie (looking out of the win- dow): Oh, mother, a motor car has just gone by as big as a barn. Mother: Johnnie, why do you ex- aggerate so terribly? I've told you 40 million times about that habit of yours, and it doesn't do a bit of good. Jack Gauntlet Columbia Short Sandy Tea-phistocated Bill Cargill Columbia Short Blonde Cuddley Jack Shaffer Oklahoma City Tall Blonde Eye-lure Andrew Still Macon Tall Blonde Genuine Charlie Peterson Springfield Medium Brown Cornfed Barney Patton St. Joseph Tall Blonde Inimitable Dick Evans Kansas City Tall Blonde Jelly Bean John Lobsiger Moberly Tall Blonde Spark Plug Central Cream Phone 3151 1/2 Pt. Rich Beats All PHI KAPPA PSI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Don Brinkmann Kansas City Tall Blonde Contented Carl Knight Houston, Tex. Medium Blonde Roadhouser Bob Rogers Houston, Tex. Medium Brown Ditto Ben Crawford Terre Haute, Ind. Medium Blonde Crabby J. F. Hughes Elizabeth, N. J. Medium Red Joisey Joe Kenneth Glassburn Kansas City Tall Brown Hard Rock Ed Anderson Kansas City Medium Blonde Astaire Ned Swain Kansas City Medium Brown Yes Mum Ray Sloan Manchester, N. H. Medium Brown Senator Bob Walker Kansas City Medium Black Hard to Get Bob Hauserman Cleveland, O. Medium Brown Limelight Phil Brinkman Kansas City Tall Red Piano-Miss Mo Art Griffin Los Angeles, Calif. Medium Blonde Spike Truman Jorgensen Chicago, Ill. Tall Blonde Little Duke PHI MU Name Origin Stature Hair Type Kay Schnier St. Louis Small Brownette Kaypable Ruth Stolz Chicago Medium Brownette Journelight Mary J. McDonald Columbia Medium Blonde Betterscotch Jane Cunningham Washington, D. C. Tall Brunette Guilelass Verna Keller St. Louis Medium Blonde Pretite Reba Lee Cohea St. Louis Medium Brownette Live-acious PHI SIGMA DELTA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Ben Bold Kansas City Average Black Plugger Ira Cohn Brooklyn, N. Y. Medium Brown Easy going Isadore Farber St. Joseph Stocky Black Tricky Harold Gold Jersey City N.J. Slim Black Indisposed Milton Gordon Kansas City Average Light Ducky Norman Kahn Kansas City Slender Brown Streamlined Charles Kufferman L. A., Calif. Average Brown Razzle-dazzle Stan Levine Kansas City Slender Brown Cutey Henry Liefer Kansas City Slim Brown Nonchalant Milton Lituak St. Joseph Stocky Black Scholar Norman Pearlstein Hartford, Conn. Medium Blonde Dreamy Leonard Schwurr Houston, Tex. Average Brown College Joe Harold Shucart St. Louis Slight Brown Nice Joe Stone Yonkers, N. Y. Average Brown Blase Leonard Wacknov Kansas City Tall Blonde Suave JUST A FOO THINGS WE HEARD Many men smoke but Foo Men Chu A rolling foo gathers no goo. Gargoo. (adv.) Goo to the last drop. Good with the Woo. Telefoo-Too Too Five Foo Three The noo Foo V Eight is goo. Ho foo throo the oo, with the greatest of goo. He was poo but honest. Halt! Friend or foo ? The foo ball team is poo. When you gotta goo you gotta goo. She met with foo play. A foo cup runneth over. Oo, I made a foo poo. I'm foo slingin' the woo. Doo a foo goo turns a day. Foon-aMint is goo for oo. Silver foo among the goo. All that glitters is not goo. Coo-foo shall not goo tonight. I goo foo you in a big woo. A boo-foo goo is like a melody. . and soo foo foo into the night. Goo night oo. -Gargoyle A CREATION Blue eyes gaze at mine-vexation. Soft hand closed in mine- palpitation. Fair hair brushing mine- expectation. Red lips close to mine- temptation. Footsteps-damnation. -Urchin An old gentleman riding the top of a fifth Avenue bus noticed that every few minutes the conductor would come from the back and dangle a piece of string down before the driver underneath. Whereupon the driver would utter profanity terrible to hear. Finally the old gentleman could stand it no longer, so he asked the con- ductor why he dangled the string and why the driver swore so. The conductor naively answered, "Oh, his father is to be hanged tomor- row, and I'm just kidding him a little about it." -Alabama Rammer-Jammer page nineteen Showme page twenty PHI SIGMA SIGMA Name Origin Stature Hair Type Thelma Kay Minneapolis, Minn. Medium Brunette Honey Dolores Levitt St. Louis Tall Blonde Sweet Music Helen Sherr Merriam, Kan. Medium Brunette Venus' Rival Bernadine Baier Kansas City Medium Blonde "Angel" Ruth Sussman Springfield Medium Brunette Primedonna Marie Kreger Kansas City Small Brownette Dynamo Louise Frankfurt Dallas, Tex. Medium Brunette Lovely Belle Pinsker Kansas City Medium Brunette Delight-full Pauline Wilensky Dallas, Tex. Medium Brunette Fisherbodi Evelyn Raschbaum Kansas City Small Brunette Cute Geraldine Bank St. Louis Small Brunette Sweety Bess Moyen Supulpa, Okla. Medium Chestnut Vogue-ish PI BETA PHI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Helen Clark Pasadena, Calif. Medium Blonde Ummmm Brickey Casey Potosi Tall Brunette Sophistifun Shirley Johnson Kansas City Medium Auburn Jingle Belle Marjorie Ellfeldt Kansas City Medium Brownette Dipsy Doo Dorothy Carr Oak Park, Ill. Tall Blonde Man-nequin Adelaide Goodell W. Palm Beach, Tall Blonde Monumental Stuff Nancy Maughs Fulton, Medium Blonde Wowie Nelly Hurley Sedalia Medium Brownette Palsy Walsy Grace Sparn Sedalia Medium Brownette Sparnwarmin Jacqueline Stewart Columbia Medium Brownette Tasty Patsy Curtis Knoxville, Tenn. Tall Brunette Gayotic Margaret Meredith Poplar Bluff Tall Brownette Splendificent Marian Graham Ripon, Wis. Tall Brownette 16-Cylinder Betty Mack Scott Poplar Bluff Tall Russett Plaids Cordia Swingle Cushing, Okla. Small Brownette Tiny Tim Pat Shannon Mountain Grove Medium Brownette Round Trip Mary Anne Dallas Jefferson City Medium Blonde Surprise Pack Betty Gillen Portland, Ore. Small Brownette Hey Hey Jane Hughes Macon Tall Brownette Boyant Evey Lyons Leavenworth, Kan. Small Brownette Snug Jerry Rooney Haddam, Kan. Small Auburn Oooh-La La Elizabeth Manning Tulsa, Okla. Medium Brunett Picturesque Mary Louise Cargill Columbia Medium Blonde Ditto II. PI KAPPA ALPHA Name Origin Stature Hair Type George Butler Maplewood Medium Brown Slappy Bill Dalton Salem Medium Brown Charming Harry Evans Toplin Medium Brown Sugar Bob Fleming Columbia Medium Brown Book-worm Bob Finot St. Louis Tall Black Tarzan Lee Fowler Summerville, Tenn. Medium Brown Gorgeous Bob Gibson Columbia Medium Brown Prexy Ed Gill Salem Medium Brown Solitude Bill Gregory Maplewood Medium Brown Honey-chile C. S. Jackson Winters, Tex. Medium Brown Tricky George Keapers Columbia Medium Brown Pig-skin Roy Meadows Clarence Tall Brown Quickie Jiggs Miles Kennett Medium Blonde Beautiful Bud Milby St. Louis Medium Brown Pretty Boy Flake McHaney White Oak Medium Brown Cream Walter Pierce St. Louis Medium Brown Pudge Thomas Quinlan St. Louis Short Brown Fly-by-night Bill Scanlon Kansas City Medium Blonde Ladybug Harry Scherzer St. Louis Medium Brown Big Shot Bud Thompson St. Charles Medium Brown Sliderule Al Wamser St. Louis Tall Brown Man's Man Joe Whitaker Maryville Medium Brown Pokey SIGMA ALPHA EPSILON Name Origin Stature Hair Type Pete Heller Kansas City 5-9 Brown Imanold Frank Butz Chicago, Ill 6 Brown Half-smoked Carl Stepp Chillicothe 5-11 Blond High-C-songed John Sturdivant Kansas City 5-11 Brown Steely Russ Erganbright Joplin 6-2 Brown Wolf Bob Box Kansas City 6 Black Athneat Mac Jolly Trenton 5-8 Blonde Thatched Bob Schroeder St. Louis 5-10 Blonde Fuzzy Alex Crow Kirksville 5-11 Blonde Cooganish Allan Brower Shenandoah, Ia. 6-2 Blonde Cowlick Ernest Smart Claremore, Okla. 5-7 Brown Not-so Jack Castor Wichita, Kan. 6 Brown Perennial C. G. Gunn Bethany 6-1 Brown Rompers Claude Henley Memphis, Tenn 6-1 1/2 Brown Matinee-action George Smith Kansas City 6-1 Brown One of d'boys Lyle Jones Slater 6-2 ¼ Black Smashful Frank Gorham University City 6-1 1/2 Brown Flash Charles Arthur Tuscola, Ill. 5-11 Black Esquire Central Ice Cream Big Tub 1/2 Pt. 10c Fresh Lewis Brant Danville, Ill. 5-6 Black Napoleon Ned Etheridge Columbia 5-10 Blonde Experimental John Hogan St. Louis 6 Brown Well lettered James Johnson Kirkwood 5-10 Black Wonder boy Robert E. Johnson Wytheville, Va. 5-10 Brown Trousy Joe Jones Whittier, Calif. 5-10 Brown Josephine Bill Larkin Long Island 6 Black Augustine John Leavitt Kirkwood 5-10 Brown Pointed Phil Lyons Kansas City 5-11 Brown Cagey Myron Marley Chicago, Ill. 5-8 Blonde Windfall Gene Nichols Southwest City 5-10 Black Shouldered Bill Pelsue University City 5-9 Brown Shrewd John Penisten Columbia 5-11 Black Around the block Buster Royston Clayton 6 Brown Back-slapper Bill Smith Columbia 5-11 Brown Smilite Claude Stroude Wytheville, Va. 5-11 Brown Zipper Harry Wachsler St. Louis 5-11 Black Dipper Jack Walrod Palm Beach, Fla. 6-1 Black Globe-trotter SIGMA ALPHA MU Name Origin Stature Hair Type Irving Bender University City Medium Handsome Nino Don Blotcky Kansas City Medium Handsome Dumb engineer Alex Chackes De Soto Medium Handsome Dead pan Edgar Ellman University City Average Handsome Glob Lester Epstein St. Louis Average Handsome Plato Lester Glickman University City Average Handsome Boy Scout Ben Goldberg New York City Tall Handsome Geeber Jack Goldstein University City Average Handsome Cute Saul Greenblatt New York Average Handsome Candid bug Irving Hudson New York Average Handsome Don J. Albert Mendelson St. Louis Average Handsome Street Job Jerry Notowitz St. Louis Average Handsome Blocking Sidney Schreiber St. Louis Average Handsome Red Packard Sol Schumitzky University City Average Handsome Lover Al Seidel St. Louis Average Handsome No girls Jerry Seidel St. Louis Average Handsome Sleepy Leonard Serakoff St. Louis Average Handsome Tizzy Lish Arnold Shanberg Kansas City Average Handsome Brilliant Ed Twin Kansas City Average Handsome Beautiful Ned Weil New York Average Handsome 42nd St. H.R. Mueller Florist Centennial Savitar page twenty-one Frozen Gold Ice Cream SMITH STUDIO page twenty-two SIGMA CHI Name Origin Stature Hair Type Tom Ehrnman St. Louis Medium Brown Solitude Bill Byers Kansas City Medium Brown Toe College, Jr. Gerald Ryer Kansas City Tall Blonde Collar Ad Bob Richarz Kirkwood Tall Brown Dark Horse Bill Beckett Kansas City Tall Black Hart-Shaffner Dick Mills Poplin Medium Brown Jelly Bean Jack Kern Kansas City Medium Brown Harmonizer Ralph Beebee Kansas City Tall Blonde Buzz Roy Kelly Kansas City Tall Blonde Folly Wise Fred Kennedy Muskegon, Mich. Medium Black Dink Norman Hill Kirkwood Tall Brown Strangler Paul Kroening St. Louis Tall Blonde Hitchcock Courtney Thompson Kansas City Tall Brown Formaldehyde Richard Pfuhl St. Louis Tall Brown Inspired Lunacy Dwight Steward Jefferson Small Blonde Dynamo Porky Kendall Pittsburg, Kan. Tall Brown Mighty Moist Joe Baker St. Louis Medium Black Rah-Rowdv Bill Herring Brunswick Medium Blonde Baby Face Henry Linscott Alexandria, Va. Medium Blonde Roamer Jim Kuhns Ponca City, Okla. Tall Black Gold Plated Ralph Heisinger Jefferson City Tall Brown Curly Lewis Parks Columbia Medium Brown Cannon Ball Jim Schaefer Jefferson City Medium Brown Cannon Ball Bob Liking Kansas City Medium Blonde Dr. Rhythm Fred Medart St. Louis Medium Black Test tube Bill Putnam Carthage Medium Blonde Boola Boola Bill Amelung St. Louis Medium Blonde Completed Jack Lindley Jefferson City Medium Red BMOC Bill Harvey Eldon Medium Brown Cager George Schulte St. Louis Tall Brown Tycoon John Benson Macon Medium Brown Serious Family Brick It's Central 30c 3151 Iceburg SIGMA NU Name Origin Stature Hair Type Bill Aldrich Bagnell Dam 6 Brown Studambitious Jack Blanton Shelbina 5-8 1/4 Dark Freshmanitus Tommy Baird Columbia 5-11 Blonde Girl lightning Helm Davidson Hannibal 5-8 1/2 Brown Athlete's Foot Jim Cisco Trenton 5-8 Dark Smooth-alec Bill Powell Columbia Dark Local Yokle Bob Hogan St. Louis 5-9 Dark Lindy Hop-head Bob Woodson Jefferson City 6 Brown Jelligant Clarence Leininger Trenton 6 Brown Pie-eyed Calude Morgan Carthage 5-8 1/2 Brown Ins. Salesman J. B. Woodleaf Kenosho, Wis. 6 Dark Forest Ranger Boyd Lucas Columbia 5-11 Brown Technicute Clyde Stevenson Joplin 5-8 Brown Sherlock Homely Bob Nicholls Southwest City 6-2 Black Gold in the sky Charles Miller Carthage 6 Dark Chuckle Wilkes Dinwiddy Carrollton 5-9 Dark Chunky Checker Jim Lewis Little Rock 5-8 Brown Arkansuacy Tommy Yount Sedalia 5-10 Light Blondignified Eldred Tarry St. Louis 6-1 Dark GLEEful George Smith Fayette 5-7 Dark One of The boys Tom Wheeler Wellsville 5-7 Light Warner Williams Mexico 6-1 Dark ZIP! It's off! Frank House Nevada 5-11 1/2 Dark Four Stars Bill Shockley Springfield 5-9 Light Easy-Greasy Ed McNeill Sedalia 5-9 Brown Royal Flash SIGMA PHI EPSILON Name Origin Stature Hair Type Bill Adler Billings, Mont. Medium Brownette Sweetheart O. B. Crawford Columbia Tall Blonde Dated Daily Harry Duame St. Louis Tall Brownette Effervescent Harold Funston Kansas City Tall Brunette Dream-Boy Willard Hanns St. Louis Tall Blonde Greek God Ray. Havelick Billings, Mont. Tall Blonde Rome-merry-o Earl Heinemann Kansas City Tall Brownette Party Life Bill Holmes St. Louis Tall Blonde Gentlemanly Bob Milburn Sparta, Wis. Medium Brownette Debonair Bob McMahon St. Louis Tall Brunette Twinkle Eyes Al Spreitzer St. Louis Tall Blonde Rugged Henry Suarez New York Tall Brunette Continental Dick Swindler Tulsa, Okla. Tall Brownette Chubbins Bob Thomann East Moline, Ill. Tall Brownette Neat Job Bill Thompson St. Louis Tall Brownette Nice Guy Neopolitan Ice Cream 3151 Brick Packs A Wallop ZETA BETA TAU Name Origin Stature Hair Type Bloch, Junior St. Louis 5-10 Brown Reticent Brodkey, Alvin Kansas City 5-10 Black Gablish Brodkey, Ellis Kansas City 6- Black Jr. Leaguish Carafiol, Joseph University City 5-10 Brown Harry Hi-School Feld, Irving Kansas City 5-11 Black Garrulous Finkelstein, Charles Kansas City 6 Brown Athletic Finkelstein, Myron Kansas City 6 Black Tyrone Galamba, Elmer Kansas City 6-1/2 Brown Reserved Greenbaum, Bud Kansas City 5-8 Brown All-American boy Martin, Irvin St. Louis 5-11 Blonde Intangible Papert, Sam Dallas, Tex. 5-7 1/2 Brown Sweet Scharff, Dick St. Louis 5-10 Brown Adolescent Reitzes, Joe Kansas City 5-7 Brown Brain-truster Steinbaum, Harry St. Louis 5-11 Black Suave Tober, Irvin St. Louis 5-10 Black Pretty boy Weintraub, Irvin Kansas City 5-7 Black Vivacious Central Bars Pink Bar Gets Free Bar The Jacqueline Shop Dr. R. A. Walters Artcraft Press page twentythree Life In A Phone Booth AT LONG LAST --- A PIN At last I've joined the marble heads and classic busts. I am a Greek. Never thought my niche in life would be mortgaged, but Homer was never like this! Joined the Eta Epsom Salts, who are awfully good in Pough- keepsie, before I found out the Digga Upsiloans had six beauty queens, two jitterbugs, and a ping-pong champion last year. But the Eta Epsom Salts will do me good in the long run. Thought the new homestead was Mount Vernon when I first drove up . Took candid camera shots of three Sig Alphs in knee breeches before I could see by their beards they were no an- tiques. Greatly impressed by the Gre- cian columns which hold up the sloping roof and slumping Ro- meos. And the natural amphithe- ater of the third floor sun porch is in easy binocular distance of three fraternities. Whole house as new as this year's boyfriend, except the depreciation on the back fire escapes far exceeds the wear and tear on the front steps. Haven't met the house chap- erone yet, but I expect to any day now. Girls who have been here six or eight years say she usually comes out of her room once or twice during Indian summer. Moved in with two dozen other "luscious" pledges. Now we can swear allegiance to the Alfalfa chapter of Eta Epsom Salts! Now we can wear the pea green and purple over our fifth ribs! House so crowded that four girls swung hammocks across the hall and two of us moved into the phone booth. We have all the comforts of home except I dial the telephone every time I take off my shirt. House president suggested we hook our radio up in her room. page twenty-four And I can borrow my typewriter any time I need it. The Etas will do anything for a sister of the skillet! Haven't seen my three trunks and five suitcases since I arrived. Bought a housedress to tide me over until spring. If the Greeks continue to borrow my clothes I'll look like Aphrodite-without. Haven't heard what the gate was, but there was certainly a turnout for registration day. Haven't been in such a crowd since I left the unemployed. Was stranded among thousands of deserted minds for six hours -without food or cokes. We were standing so close to- gether that seven of us got in on my permit to enroll. Tried to get to my pocketbook for 30 minutes. Fellow next to me finally paid my lab fee. I protested, but he insist- ed I stop reaching for my money. Said I had unzipped his sweater three times. The line I was in went around by way of the Engine School, Yellowstone Park, and the White Campus before we reached the Arts and Science department. Was frisked at the door; lost my check book, stamp collection, and old gold. Given a roll of wrapping paper and a pencil. Dashed off my in- come tax report, an autobiogra- phy, budget for the next five years, and personal memoirs. Finally got my schedule down to courses the faculty thought they'd like to take. Folks at home will certainly be surprised to hear I'm taking Commercial Vegetable Growing, Newspaper Management, Field Artillery, and Contemptible Eu- rope. Besides, the Etas want me to choose another activity in addi- tion to the fraternity across the street. So I think I'll be outstand- ing in correctives. From there on, registration was a snap. Bought tickets to con- certs, football games and church suppers, subscribed to four maga- zines and ordered my Christmas cards. * * * First time I've ever done any policy dating. Policy dates come with the house bill. They're a little difficult to explain. But if you vote with the fraternity cau- cus that gets a man elected night- watchman of Jesse Hall, you ever after date its seventeen-year-old pledges who still think S. A. means Student Activity. Was supposed to help rush my first date for Heava Psi. Forgot pheasant season was open and wore my hat with the big green feather. That still didn't explain to my sorority sisters why I came back half-shot. But anyway, I was resplendent in the season's finest green fea- ther, when my date walked out and fell off the curb, right in front of the Eta Epsom house. Later, he forgot who was rush- ing whom. Kissed me in the taxi- cab until I lost that painted look. Very nervous boy. Kept patting my knee. Don't usually favor a taxi masseuse but I've been try- ing to lose some weight anyhow. Suddenly taken off a diet of to the Phi Shamon U's but defi- nitely staggering. He was still in love with the girl back home and cried in his beer. So I took him to the Varsity to cheer him up and he just went wild over Mickey Mouse! By the second week I equipped myself with a Chinese checker board, Anderson's Fairy Tales, and a box of animal crackers. Was the most popular Eta pledge. (Continued on Page 29) NO TIGER "LILLIES" THESE. Crunching home turf again after tangling with Kansas State's Wildcats, Missouri's rejuvenated Tigers take to the gridiron in Memorial Stadium tomorrow, seeking to avenge a 12-0 setback handed them by Iowa State in 1937. The sharp-clawed Tigers, fed on power plays and razzle- dazzle, petted to perfection by Coach Don Faurot and his assist- ants, will be an ornery crew poised for the killing. Enthusiasm will reach its peak tonight as drugstore quarterbacks coo their heartbeats and explain the hows and whys of tomorrow's battle. Mizzou backers, students and Old Grads will join in the fun and frolic this p. m., leaving the more serious aspect of the impend- ing collision to the cleat-shod gladiators in Back and Gold. Let's twist the Tiger's tail and delve into personalties that will make history tomorrow afternoon while thousands of tense, hoarse throats swell the victory cry from teem- ing stands. At left end, Co-Captain Fred Dickenson, a likeable chap tower- ing six feet, two inches and weigh- ing 185 pounds, wild or tame, is the Larry Kelley type of defen- sive wingman. Blowing a fuse in his knee before launching of the 1937 season, the sharp-eyed senior was under wraps all last year. Back again, stronger than ever, Dickenson will be heard from tomorrow. Watch him, lads and lassies, and don't let his infec- tious grin fool you. His sarcasm often leads opponents to lose their tempers, resuting in haggard per- formances on their part. Gazing across five broad backs to right end, our optics behold a spectacle. Surely no such hand- some being could be draped in a football uniform. He must be in the wrong place. Inquiry reveals the Adonis is none other than Co- Captain Ray Moss, dead-pan lady killer. Requests for Ray's photo- graph from Stephens College out- numbered demands for "pics" of any of his mates. The photos were given gratis with each pur- A PRE-GAME SUMMARY By KELLY SIMON chase of an activity book. Out- wardly quiet, Moss betrays none of his speed, and enemy flankmen sprawl aghast when he swishes past them as a potential pass receiver The huge bulk of Tiger brawn alongside Dickenson is topped! by the face of Ken Haas. His 202 pounds, stretching 74 inches up- wards and sprawling an unbeliev- able distance over terra firma, offers no easy obstacle for would- be ground gainers. Bespectacled when in civilian clothes, Haas transforms into a whirling mass of muscle cut loose in the midst of dwarfs when on the playing field. A happy-go-lucky indivi- dual, Haas picks up his oppon- ents after each play with an "I'm sorry," adding to their chagrin. He paves the way for numerous stripe - eating Missouri power plays. Nobility resides in the Tiger forward wall in the personage of Bill Waldorf, holding down the left guard position. Bill is a bro- ther of the famous Coach Lynn Waldorf and brother of John Wal- dorf, whom M.U. followers will recall as a bulwark on Missouri's eleven a decade past. Slick-haired Waldorf is stocky and powerful. His legs churn like pistons in clearing the path for interference and he does a plumber's job of soldering leaks in the Black and Gold line. He is five feet, 10 inches of football brains and tips the scales at 182 pounds. Putting a "knowing" smile, or better yet, a smirk, on his Waldorfian fea- tures while playing, "Mink" keeps invading linemen puzzled. Coach Faurot could not have selected a better man to take over the cleats of the mighty Houston Betty in the pivot spot than Jack Kinnison, last year's blocking back. Jot his name down on your program, or if you are short on greenbacks, scribble his moniker on your cuff. Tough, accurate and aggressive, the close-coupled cen- ter should make Missouri pessi- mists forget Betty before the curtain is rung on the current season. He employs his 200 pounds and' six feet, one inch to every advantage. A popular cam- pus figure, Jack "gets around" on or off the gridiron. "Picketing" the territory at left guard, Missouri has Lowell Pick- ett, 10 pounds lighter than last year, with no explanation. Weigh- ing 175 pounds, but gaining every game, so he claims, Pickett draws the task of filling a berth entirely vacated by lettermen. The six- foot junior starred on the un- beaten 1937 "B" squad that mopped up everything in its path. Only a wisp of a lad, compara- tively speaking, Pickett is the cynosure of eyes when enemy braintrusts ship power plays through the right forward wall. Quiet and not inclined to be talk- (Continued on Page 26) page twenty-five ative during practice, Pickett sticks to business during progress of a game. The word "streamlined" ordi- narily denotes something slick- looking and not too durable. So, perhaps we had better announce that Melvin Wetzel weighs 204 pounds, (pep, figuring 16 ounces to the pound) and stands six feet, two inches on any platform. Yet the husky tackle streamlines his body in bringing down aspirants for yardage. He plays for keeps, and once his paws clamp around pumping legs their forward mo- tion is halted. "Wimmin" play a small part in his life and Mel is something of a clan-man. Perhaps we should pause and rest before launching into flowery descriptions of the player upon whose passing and ball carrying hovers victory or defeat against the Cyclones of I-O-Way. Paul Christman looks like something Missouri has never seen before. He runs with swaying, fading hips, with knees that never go where they seem headed, with legs that spurn the touch of hu- man hands. A passer who seldom throws a sour one, the tassel- headed. Christman is the spark of Missouri's attack. Back home in Maplewood, Mo., Paul shares the family spotlight with his older brother, who plays baseball for the Detroit Tigers. Listed at 190 pounds on the publicity sheet, Christman belies the pamphlet, checking in at 207 pounds. Porter Robb and Bill Amelung, halfback and fullback, from left to right, will. get their share of extemporaneous yells from the howling fans this .season. Under- neath that straight, short-clipped hair. Robb guards the memory of a disastrous fumble which gave Michigan State a 2-0 victory last year. Invaluable as a line-backer, Robb's steel-trap tackles will be heavily depended upon. And Ame- lung will collect Christman's assignment if the big boy is off- color tomorrow. Bill is fast, de- pendable in the pinches and able to squirm through slits of light in the forward wall. page twenty-six Arf, Arf,-beg your pardon. Orf, Orf, Bud or Bob, take your choice-and recognize them by their numbers. There is no scurry for program sheets when two blonde heads bob along the side- lines warming up-the Orf twins. They are fast wingmen, quick under punts and capable replace- ments when Co-Skippers Moss and Dickenson are yanked for breathing spells. At Maplewood High they covered the end posi- tions while Christman tossed 'em from the backfield. Fourth in the line of Faurots to wear the Black and Gold of Missouri, Bob Faurot, younger brother of Mizzou's grid mentor, is forced to step plenty fast to keep the family banner waving with all its glory. More than capable of the task, Quarterback Faurot puts into best use the strategems of his Big Brother. In addition to being a smooth pass-receiver, Faurot is a demon on defense. Lightest by far of any Tiger back, weighing a mea- ger 165 pounds, Faurot still draws the blocking assignment. James (Extra Point) Starmer. curly-haired, easy on the feminine eyes, basks in the reflective glory of the great Paul Christman's passes. Starmer "makes" Christ- man's passes by completing them. From his halfback position, Star- mer shines in carrying the mail. The heavy-bearded ball toter has an educated toe, and observers predict he will over-shadow the reknowned Jack Frye's extra point kicking for M.U. a couple of years ago. Inexperience is Star- mer's only handicap. He is a sophomore and supplies the need- ed cog in Missouri's backfield combination. We have attempted to give you Missouri's potential stars of to- morrow's classic. They are pre- sented at their best and at their best we'll crawl out on the pro- verbial limb and predict the Fau- rot-coached warriors will claw their way to a smashing victory over Iowa State on the scarred battle field, and will erase the memory of last year's defeat. Man for man, the Mizzou clan towers considerably more powerful than the invaders. Iowa boasts a tricky; fast, steamroller backfield and a solid line, but "we're from Mis- souri." "Cyclone" means "a vio- lent storm; huge, massive," ac- cording to Webster, but what's in a nickname? Let's Go South, Missouri! * "YES, WHAT YOU NEED IS A LITTLE SUNSHINE." "Having ad- mitted that you are the founder of the Rainbow Legion, would you mind tell- ing the court the purpose of said organization?" "The Rainbow Legion, your honor, is a nation-wide secret clan of college- men for the righting of vital social wrongs." "Vital social wrongs?" "Yes. I founded the Rainbow Le- gion to fight professors who write textbooks and change one or two sen- tences every year and then insist upon the use of only the new edition." "Just what is the threat of the Indi- go-seal ?" "That, your honor, is the boycott of all campus lunchrooms that insist upon the balanced meal and then serve hash because it is a composite dish of all the vitamins." "You have also threatened the United States post office." A STORY FULL OF COLOR "That's right. At our last meeting we found the Postmaster guilty on the charge that post-office pens should write. We sent him the threat of the Orange Facsimile." "Orange Facsimile?" "We give him twenty days to cor- rect the blotter situation or have a fac- simile of the latest three cent stamp on his chest." "Will you please tell the court all you know about the Violet Inner Circle?" "The Violet Inner Circle, Judge, is made up of the charter members who have suffered grievous wrongs. For example, the Royal Red Avenger lives in a fraternity house where every one has the smoking habit, but only he has the cigarettes. The keeper of the Green Poisoned Cheese eats in a restaurant where they only serve one pat of but- ter, and the Sender of the Yellow Death attends classes in which the in- structors scrape the chalk against the blackboard." "In the last two months, twenty- eight persons have been known to flee the country as a result of Rainbow Legion terrorism. Is there any basis for that charge?" "Yes and no, your honor. We are not responsible if every recipient of the Black Spot chooses to run away." "Black Spot?" "The Black Spot is the cream of our threats. The last one we sent out to a manufacturer who insisted upon flooding us with mail telling us what we should have the family buy us for graduation." "Did the man whose mangled body was found in the empty lot receive one of those Black Spots?" "He did. He insisted upon asking every senior he met what he, the senior, intended to do after he got out of college." "Now that I have all the facts, I'd like to say a few words. Individuals like you are detrimental to a civilized community. Each and every member of the Rainbow Legion should be tarred and feathered as an example to all those others who feel they should take the law in their own hands. Case dismissed." "Let's move. There's that awful bore from the next stateroom." MILITARY OBJECTIVE! TIME was when the only part chil- dren were allowed to play in war was to give up certain food their little bodies needed so that the troops could have it. That was in the unenlightened days before airplanes and delayed-fuse bombs. Now the kiddies are permitted to die just like their daddies. Today they are military objectives to be blown to bits by bombs, to be buried in the ruins of their schools, to be raked by machine-gun fire as they cling to their mothers' skirts. Thus, the world progresses. Thus, the science of mass-production mur- der becomes more proficient. Thus, war loses its last vestige of so-called "glamour." With slaughter of these innocents an admitted part of military strategy, war can no longer be condoned by any sane and decent person. Yet many people still shake their heads hope- lessly and say: "What can I do? How can I prevent war?" Next time you tuck your youngster into his crib look at him and see if your heart will accept such a defeatist attitude. Rather, accept this truth that if enough people say: "There must be no more war!", there will be no more war! World Peaceways is a non-profit. non-crank organization that has made definite progress in maintaining peace and is determined to do more. We need help - your help. Why not sit down right now and drop us a line? Write to World Peaceways, 103 Park Avenue. New York City. THE COLLEGE CRUM. ANONYMOUS The College crum lies in bed at 2 o'clock of a sunny October after- noon and suggests that I write on the glorious abandonment of a life in Tahiti. "Sure; why not? That's a good subject," he says. So, why not? There is nothing to do. Life at best is a complex situation; what with blind dates, unannounced quizzes and middle- of-the-month chapter meetings that accomplish nothing but set you straight on a house bill you'd rather not think about! Gad! How wearisome and annoying the pur- suit of a college career can become at times! Now, my friends, let me take you to the island of paradise which so enchanted the world many moons ago in that picture where Clark Gable had guts enough to mutiny against stinky Captain Bligh. (The editor took psychology under Mr. McKinney and prefers "viscera" to "guts," but a sweet word like "viscera" wouldn't do for a he-man like Clark. So guts to you, Gable, and viscera to you, Taylor. Besides, this applied psy- chology stuff of McKinney's never worked on my girl. Somehow she just doesn't react properly. Do you think maybe she isn't nor- mal?) Our journey to Tahiti is accom- plished in four easy stages. First one goes to the library and sits himself down with Prof. Brown's text on "Economic Science and the Common Welfare." (6th edi- tion; Lucas Brothers; price $2.75 ; trade-in-value . . . what you can get before H. G. decides to dream up another edition to his thrilling work.) Then simply open the book at random and begin the journey. But to speed the trip, it is best to concentrate on the chapter on sterilization of gold in relation to the European tariff policy and its unpredictable re- sults on the world's shoe-lace market; that is, of course, provid- ed all other factors remain equal. These gaseous fumes will soon overcome you, and drowsiness will hit you like the shock of your first blind date at Stephens. Now gently fold your arms on the table so conveniently placed before you and pillow your head thereon. If you are able to stroke your head at the same time you will soon find yourself lying under a mul- berry bush with your head in the lap of a Polynesian beauty, and the cool of her finger tips carress- ing your noble features. Well, you're there now. The rest is up to you. WORKSHOP FANTASY She was a dream in satin lace Standing within the hallway door. He had a strong and noble face- Was six feet tall-and maybe more. She sighed-he took her in his arms- "I love you, dearest-come with me- Your sweetness thrills me-and encharms--" She said: "Just speak, and I'll agree." Curtain on scene; applause from house- She said: "You muffed that line, you louse!" VISION To you with molded, ivory limbs Whose skirts forbade yet more to call; Your beauties never seem to end . . . But there is an end-I know, I saw! -J. R. A poor lens tends to flatten the subject. To put it undelicately, curves don't show up. AT LONG LAST-- (Continued from Page 4) Suddenly taken off a diet of pledges and actually given an active. He bought me a coke, walked me fifteen blocks, then took me to one of those night football games where the team doesn't show up. I'll take a pledge! Mark Anthony: "I want to see Cleopatra." Servant: "She's in bed with laryngitis." Mark: "Damn those Greeks." --Sour Owl No, crime doesn't pay. But then, times are tough everywhere. -Exchange Tailor (to assistant) : "And who was that lady I seen you outfit last night?" Columbus was the first Demo- crat because: He didn't know where he was going; he didn't know where he was when he got there; and he went on borrowed money." -Awgwan Robert Pendergrass, editor of the Savitar, predicts a bigger and better Savitar. Your co-opera- tion wil help as Bob has enough work to do to keep five people busy-and we don't mean W.P.A. workers, either. The above two items are ar- ranged in the order of their im- portance. Jetty Thoren, Gamma Phi, says she is "a nice gal." And asks, "Don't you think so?" page twenty-nine Jakie Gets All the Breaks PAYING THE GAME Listen, pal, brains ain't the only thing it takes for a fellow to get along nowadays. I got as much in my head as the next guy, and I'm still pushing a truck out to KC and back twice a week. I just never got the breaks is all. Not like Jakie Fleer anyways. You know about Jakie Fleer may- be. You maybe read about him in the papers, couple years ago, when he was playing football at the State University. Well, now take Jakie and me. He got the breaks all right. He just got 'em. We grew up to- gether in the same neighborhood and bummed around together and had some damn good times. But now Jakie's got a tavern of his own, a nice classy business, and me-I'm still pushing a truck out to KC and back twice a week. It all starts back one night when me and Jakie dropped in at the South Side AC. We used to go over to the gym there and work out, even after we got on with the truck-line. Jakie had a idea he'd make a good heavy- weight. And me, I just kind of tagged along. Oh, I wasn't bad, but I ain't got the build Jakie's got. Anyway this night Jakie was whaling hell out of the bag-I was doing a little ropeskipping my- self-and I see two dressed-up guys come in and take a look at us. I figure 'em for a couple of promoters, and when they come over towards us I figure they're maybe gonna give us a fight some- wheres. I jump the rope a little faster. But they don't pay no at- tention to me. They go over to Jakie. "You Jake Fleer?" the one guy says. He's the stubby one. "Yeh," Jakie says, "that's me." "This is Doc Jackson," the stubby one goes on. "Doc's gonna page thirty be the new head coach at State this year, and I'm his assistant. Doc wants to talk to you." Then the tall lean gent says, "We looked you up, Jake, because we want to talk business." He's By JAMES RAGLAND got a soft smooth face, like a gambler I knew once, and there's something tight and tricky around his mouth. He says, "You played a pretty good game of football in high school. Right?" "Yeh," Jakie says. Me and him are both kind of in the dark for a minute The next crack almost floors us. "How'd you like to play football at State?" the tall gent says. Before we can laugh, he shoots the works. "We're rebuilding the team," he says, "and we want good men. If you got what it -takes, we'll make it worth your while. Hundred and' fifty a month, two hundred even, if you're good. You look in good shape," he says. "You got a good record," the stubby gent cuts in. "Some nice playing." Jakie is a little slow with the words then, but they got him impressed. "Just call me Doc,' the tall gent says smiling. He sees the busi- ness is pretty near in the bag. Well, Jakie thinks it over, and while him and me never did think much of colleges, he makes up his mind to go. A hundred and fifty a month looks better than the (Continued on Page 32) MILLER'S Life Savers FREE! A Box of Life Savers for the best wisecrack! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it in to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers. For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cellophane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of the publication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky winner's name. This Month's Winner- BOB DIMKE "May I take you home? I like to take experi- enced girls home." "But I'm not experienced." "You're not home yet, either." What English prof has notes so old and brown and crumbly with years that he brings them to class in individual paper bags-strongly reminiscent of ham sandwich containers? The one-time Life mag typical-type gal, Bar- bara Hawley, has put her hair up and down so often we're in a daze; up it's like a golliwog- down besser. Applause for Joe Connolly, Journalism Week veteran, Hearst bigwig, and Jayschool patron where a job or two is concerned, for having such a well- groomed orchid thrown by the N. Y. keyhole peeker. Also condolences to Damon Runyon, INS columnist, writer, and good fellow, who shelved a Caesar- Runyon play, "Saratoga Chips," some months ago, dug it up for the flickers as "Straight, Place, and Show," and never left the post as far as the critics were concerned. Polly Watkins and Watkins Glen, N, Y.-pop. 2500-are related. Polly's great grandpappy had a mill on the local floss and was head man in the town governmental tintinabulations. Mr. Pinkus, the I-wanta-be-a-college-boy- forever prexy, who rang Der Fuehrer up at 3 a.m. heil time, really got him! Says Pinkus, "Is this A. Hitler? Well, this is A. Pinkus." That type of gags cost A. P. 40 grand per annum. Mrs. C. E. Chrane, attractive managress of the Early Apts., the godmother of the "Jesse James" moom picture to be starring your favorites-Tyrone Power and Henry Fonda. It is this sociable lady who owns the property on which the horse-over-the- cliff scene will be shot. She gets $200 a night's rest from 20th Century-Fox, which can well afford it. The cliff is near Bagnell Dam, but the stars don't jump those horses 200 feet into some 80 feet of water as you will be led to believe at your favorite silver screen house. Campus -Valet page thirty-one PAYING THE GAME (Continued on Page 30) thirty a week we was getting from the truckline. So Jakie quits his job and goes to State and starts working in the football business. He didn't have a job, he had a position. He wrote me a letter about it once. He said he just had to get out in the after- noons and scrimmage around with eighty or ninety other guys. That's all he had to do. And every month he got his check. Oh, yeh-yeh, he had to go to some classes in the mornings too sometimes, but not very often. But jeez, what a breeze he was getting. And me, just breaking onto the KC run then, working like a dog. That fall, when I get a chance, I start following the football pages. I read what the big boys say, and keep a eye open for Jakie's name, 'cause we been pals a long time. The only thing I see though is what Doc Johnson's gonna do with State. He's gonna do a mira- cle. He's gonna make a winner for 'em. Well, Jakie'll get his pay for that too, and maybe a raise, so everything's okay. The big boys all say State's gonna get a New Deal. Well, the first year maybe no- body expected too much. Any- ways they didn't get much. State got dumped on its tail eight or nine Saturdays in a row. And then there wasn't so much of that New Deal stuff in the papers. But along towards the end of the season I run across a piece that says Jake Fleer looked like fair material for next year. He wasn't smooth yet, it said, but he played in the line and he was big and fast. So he's making good, I think. That summer he come home and stepped right into a snap run with the truckline. He got the jump to Des Moines, a breeze if I ever seen one. He said Doc Jackson fixed it for him, and you can see Doc Jackson was taking care of Jakie all right. Of all the luck that guy got. Damn near a guardian angel to button his pants for him. I never seen nothing like it. One night when I see him down at the depot, I ask him what the team looks like. I figure he'd have the inside dope and I can get a good bet somewheres. But do I get a surprise? He takes me off behind a truck and he says, "If you wanna make a bet, don't make it on State. Bet against them. They ain't got a Chinaman's chance." "No?" I say. "Why not?" I kind of thought the football busi- ness was looking up by then, but it seems it ain't. "The team stinks," he tells me. "And soon's Doc loses three straight, he's out. The alumni's after him. And then I'm out may- be too," Jakie says, sad like. (Continued Next Month) PHILIPS & COMPANY Neate's FRATERNITY MANAGEMENT page thirty-two KAMPUS TOWN Grocery LINDSEY'S Central Dairy Lucky Strike Cigarettes