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Extry Missouri Showme Extry
By STOOP, QUAACKLIN Special SHOWME CORRESPONDENT
A DECENT NATIONAL SURVEY CONDUCTED IN THE UNITED
STATES SHOWS THAT STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF
MISSOURI TAKE THEIR SEX NONCHALANTLY. IN FACT, IT
SHOWED THEY TAKE IT WHEREVER AND WHENEVER THEY
GET A CHANCE, AND OTHER FACTS THAT EVERY UNIVERSITY
STUDENT ALREADY KNOWS.
SEE "SEX, STUDENTS & MORE SEX"
COLUMBIA---FRIDAY THE 13th
THUMBERS HITCH UP
Some ingenious college student
up in an Iowa college has started a
movement which may in time com-
pletely revise what is popularly
referred to as the art of hitch-hik-
ing. He is the Guiding Thumb of
an organization which will have
accredited members, certificates,
badges, rules of the road, rules of
standing-by-the-road and what-
Hitch-hiking, as any veteran of
the art will gladly tell you, is not
as safe now as it should be. In fact,
when the unsuspecting soul gets
into a host car he is practically
signing his life away. As long as
he is in another's car, he's not much
safer than he would be standing
blindfold with one arm tied be-
hind him on the ledge of a sky-
scraper-in a strong breeze.
But with this apparent dawn of
a new era, there'll be some changes.
Let us picture in our minds a car
pulling up to stop beside the col-
lege student hitch-hiker who wears
the insignia of this new organiza-
"Hello, sir," the student says
very firmly, as he opens the car
door. "May I ask you your name?"
"I'm salesman Elmer P. Twipp."
"Can you offer any recommenda-
tions from reliable persons-persons
who would vouch for your honesty
"I believe I can," the driver re-
plies confidently. "I'm employed
by the Zippy Potato Peeler and
"Just a minute and I'll see how
that company is rated," the Regis-
tered Thumber says as he takes
from his pocket a reference booklet.
"Yes, here it is. Four stars-very
good. Yes, your company comes
highly recommended. What about
your personal habits?"
"I'm somewhat of a habitual
smoker. Drink occasionally."
"Have you ever driven your au-
tomobile when you were intoxi-
"No, sir, I haven't in the last
"Fine. Do you keep both hands
on the steering wheel at all times?
Both eyes centered on the road
ahead? Do you observe all road
signs, no matter how small or min-
ute they may seem?"
"The answer to all those ques-
tions is yes."
"Are you subject to sudden head-
aches which might affect your vis-
"Very seldom. I carry headache
tablets in the car pocket," he says
as he points to a neat little box
of Dr. Cure-U's Tablets for Throb-
"Has your automobile passed all
requirements set down by state
law? Are your brakes in perfect
condition, steering apparatus in tip-
"Yes, sir. And there is the tag
to back up all those statements."
"Very satisfactory. Now, please
tell me what your usual rate of
speed is-both through municipali-
ties and on the open road."
"I average about 35 miles an
hour through cities down to 4500
population. On the open road I
average about 55."
"Can you lower that latter fig-
ure to 50?"
"I believe so."
"Then if you will please sign this
paper, we'll be on our way."
"What is it?"
"Oh, just a statement saying in
case of an accident you will be
fully responsible for me."
Oh, is that all! Well, hope in
and let's get started." And he does
and they do.
THE THUMB WAY
With the abolition of slavery,
the direct election of senators, wom-
an suffrage and the partial aboli-
tion of Monday morning quizzes,
why can't we hope for a reform in
college hitch-hiking? This Iowa
student may have hit upon a great
need in the country, and maybe
someday the university will be
turning down a student because his
dad was not registered as a thum-
Mil: What will you say if you
find my kisses the electric type?
Ed: More power to you.
Lass: Say, it's past midnight. Do
you think you can stay here all
Lad: Gosh, I'll have to phone
Sweet Thing: I'm so discouraged,
everything I do seems to be wrong.
Casanova: Hmmm, what are you
doing tonight, lovely?
Frosh: Hey, hey, I got sumpin'
I'll bet you'd like to see. Endless
pictures of French girls.
Soph: They're no good that way.
"Are you a member of the Crew?"
"Then stop stroking me."
Scene: Girl's parlor.
Time: Any old night.
Action: Feminine Voice-Mom!
Mom!! Mmm!!! Mmmmm. Mmm-
mmmmm. Never mind, Mother.
"What's the matter; were you in
"No, my best girl told me that
she had a nice little place in her
heart for me, and I tried to find it."
PROF. CHRYSALIS LECTURES
STEPHENS SUSIES ON A TIMELY TOPIC
Facts of Life
Professor Egghead Chrysalis, of
the Stephens College "Facts of Life"
faculty, entered the classroom, ad-
justed his glasses, picked up an ap-
ple from his desk and dropped it
into the wastebasket, then glared
at the roomful of pretty little Ste-
phens belles. Some were delight-
fully naive, some were demure,
some were haughty, and some were
"You can't buy my goodwill with
an apple!" he thundered in his
small way, muttering, "Anyhow,
not a wormy one!" under his scent-
ed breath as two more little girls
dropped their tired little heads,
closed their elfin eye-lashes, and be-
gan to snore.
"Today," Prof. Chrysalis began,
"I'm going to tell you about sex!"
Everybody woke up, some of the
girls paled and reddened, a few
fainted, and two or three lost souls
"He can't tell us anything we
(Backstage choir sings, "Throw
out a lifeline, Throw out a lifeline,
Some poor sinner is sinking.")
"What are you going to tell us
about it?" someone shouted.
"I'm going to explain the awe-
inspiring miracle of life," Prof.
Chysalis answered, picking up his
chalk. He drew an oval on the
"This," he said slowly, dramatic-
ally, "is an egg." He tensed, then
lowered his voice until it sounded
like a sob: "It . it came from
"Oo-o-o-oh!" shrieked a cute lit-
tle blonde trick from South Hall,
"Draw us a chicken!"
Prof. Chrysalis dropped his hands
to his sides, lifted his pale face to
the heavens, and moved his lips
in a prayer which sounded like:
"What the hell!"
"Please, girls," he pleaded, "This
is a delicate subject. Don't make
it difficult for me." The room be-
"I can give you another analogy,"
he continued. "Take the bee and
the flower. Here we have sex at
its most beautiful!" He sighed and
gazed ecstatically at the ceiling.
The room was hushed. A small girl
in the front of the room was cry-
"All this," continued the Profes-
sor softly, ". . . . all this is to ex-
plain where babies come from!"
Four girls shrieked and fainted, and
there was a pause while they were
"You girls have been living a
sheltered, protected life," he went
on. "It's time you learned the Facts
A sob welled up in the throat of
the little girl in the front seat. She
swallowed it and wiped her eyes.
"It's a beautiful thing," Prof.
Chrysalis continued. "Now take
the caterpillar. The poor thing, so
slow, so ugly, not knowing that it
is destined to be a butterfly!"
Cheers resounded, and a wan smile
shone through the tears of the lit-
tle girl in the front seat.
"It's the same with human be-
ings," the Professor whispered. "It's
like the chicken and the egg, and
the bee and the flower, and the
caterpillar and the butterfly. Yes,
it's like the mighty oak, dropping
its little acorns on the ground, they,
too, become mighty oaks in their
(Continued on Page 22)
SEX LIFE OF BUTTERFLIES,
CHICKENS, AND OAKS. ...
o THE MISSOURI. SHOWME o
"A Reflection of Modern Campus Thought"
J. V. CONNOLLY, Godfather
GEORGE J. SCHULTE, Jr., Business Manager
GEORGE J. SCHULTE, JR.
ART STAFF ADVERTISING
Vic Take Betty Peacoop
Murray Amper John Jachym
EXCHANGES OFFICE STAFF
Robert Kuelper Patty Veatch
Roy Moskop Roy Kelly
Martha Jane Myers
Roy Kelly, Assistant Dictator
Roger Straus Lucille Gupton
Paul Charles Law Bill Dempsey
Katherine Dougherty James Ragland
Bob Duncan Bob Dimke
Clifton Paisley Houston Cox
Claude Henley Nate Silverman
Roberta Carver Claude Ramsey
George Ince Charles Greever
The Ed and Sensers
THE SEX ISSUE
A tabloid newspaper or a garish
magazine may have suggested the
theme of this month's Showme, but
it is intended to be satirical rather
In the last decade sex was com-
ing into its own following the
World War, and then people dared
mention it in a whisper. Today the
prudishness of the Victorian era
has gone, and sex is no longer look-
ed upon as something vicious.
Following the breakdown of false
moral values after the War, sex
leaped to the pages of the more
sensational newspapers where it
now holds forth, proving whatever
you would have it prove.
Now we may boast of a greater
freedom, and in these efforts to se-
cure enlightenment and the death
of false modesty and prudery, intel-
ligent people and highly respectable
journals and magazines led the way.
Ugly sex is no more.
Following Life magazine's great-
ly publicized article, "The Birth of
a Baby," Showme countered with
a series of pictures titled "The Birth
of a Cabbage." Life's editors were
so amused that they requested sev-
eral copies of the article, and one
hangs in the New York editorial of-
fices of Life. We reprint "The Birth
of a Cabbage" by popular request.
To say that it won't be long now
would be trite, and to say we hope
you all pass might be adding insult
to injury. Nevertheless, there is
something quite unique about the
period of final exams - - -you may
be sure that everybody is studying.
Shakespeare may be found over
a cup of coffee, and the wiles of
higher math may be solved over a
mug of beer. Also, a stray fact may
be gathered in idle conversation in
anyone of the many popular gath-
ehing places 'round the town.
All of it put together in that great
unknown just south of the hat goes
from there to that arch-fiend, the
bluebook. If you pass, and here's
to all of you, you possess a bit of
intelligence, but if you flunk the
prof. didn't like you, his wife gave
him burnt toast and cold coffee for
breakfast the day he wrote the
exam, or else the student grader
didn't know which end was up.
'Zams Over, Headin' Home
VOL. VIII JANUARY, 1939 NO. 5
The Missouri Showme is published monthly except during July and August by the Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, national
professional journalism fraternity, as the official humor and literary publication of the University of Missouri. Price: $1.00 per year;
15c the single cpy. Copyright 1938 by Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi; original contents not to be reprinted without permission. Per-
mission given all recognized exchanging college publications. Exclusive reprint rights granted to College Humor. Editorial and Business
offices, Room 13, Walter Williams Hall; office of publication, Artcraft Press, Virginia Bldg., Columbia, Mo. Not responsible for unsolicited
manuscripts; postage must be enclosed for return.
Well, here's this puffed up imita-
tion atrocity of a miler wasting hours
of time running the squad through
stupid exercises they won't remember
five minutes from now. If he's a good
coach, I'm a Phi Beta Kappa man!
"Yes, Mr. Switz. Yes, sir." If it
wasn't for me that guy couldn't even
find the field, much less coach the
team. I do all the work, and he gets
all the credit. "Certainly, Mr. Switz.
I think so, too." He probably got his
training running errands for Western
Union before they put him into a
track uniform. Just wait till they see
this squad perform. Then maybe
they'll deport him! "Marvelous, Mr.
Switz. How'd you ever think of it?"
Why I've forgotten more about coach-
ing than this lop-eared impressario
will ever know. Give some of the lo-
cal boys a chance instead of dragging
in a lot of big time phoneys and let-
ting them coach. "Yes, Mr. Switz, of
course." Sure lucky for that peanut
brain to get an assistant who can
coach the squad for him! "Yes, Mr.
Switz. I agree with you perfectly."
A NEWSMAN'S DAY
9:00-Cuts class to go to News office
to get assignment.
9:10-Is assigned to moving desks
and cleaning the floor.
9:42-Tells editor about his beauti-
9:42 1/4-Is excused from cleaning
10:00-Goes to class, hoping he will
find material for a story
10:55-Is awakened by bell.
11:30-Gets a copy of the paper.
11:35-Finally finds his article and
11:36-Finds everything but opening
11:37-Curses editorial board.
11:38-Finds his name spelled wrong
11:39 Delivers speech on idiocy of
11:55 all linotypers.
12:00-Eats lunch that he brought
12:32-Blames it on food in com-
1:00--Picks on a freshman.
1:01-Gets beat up by a freshman.
1:05-Explains to onlookers about
his sore arm that made him
1:06-Goes home to nurse bruises.
"Ha! Ha! So you want me to return your copy of 'The Art of Selfishness!' Ha! Ha!"
Prince Albert Tobacco
Scotchman and his wife stopped in
front of a restaurant where a sign on
the window read: "Dinner here from
1 to 3, 40 cents."
"C'mon in, Martha," the Scotch-
man said, "I calls two hours' eatin'
for 40 cents pretty fair."
Father (sternly): I thought I is-
sued an injunction against that young
Tully coming here.
Daughter: I know you did, Dad,
but he's a lawyer, so he appealed to a
higher court, and Mother reversed
Dog Catcher: Do your dogs have
Little Elmer: Yes, sir, daddy says
they're just covered with them.
"How was your vegetable garden
"Fine! We had it for lunch on Mon-
Father: Daughter, I hope you will
go to church this evening. The pastor's
subject, "An Hour With Favorite
Hymns," should be very interesting.
Daughter: I should like very much
to go, Father, but I have an engage-
ment with my own favorite him to-
Prison Warden: I've had charge of
this prison for ten years. We're going
to celebrate. What kind of a party do
you boys suggest?
Prisoners: Open house!
Rake: Boy, oh boy, did Tillie throw
a party last night!
Jake: You don't say. Who all was
Rake: Just me and Tillie.
The Lynx in the summer
Hobson: I met Smith yesterday,
looking very dismal. He told me he
paid $100 for his daughter's elocution
lessons, and now he's sorry he did so.
Hobson: Because that girl can talk
him into anything now!
Nit: Do you work in the shirt fac-
Nit: Why aren't you working to-
Wit: We're making night shirts this
A group of Negroes were lying on
the floor in front of the fireplace when
one of them spoke up:
"Is it a-rainin' out?"
"Ah don't know," replied another.
"Well, git up an' look," insisted
the first voice.
"Ah, rats." said the persecuted one,
lazily, "call de dawg in an' see if he's
What Students Ought to Know
Margie Discovers Young Ecstasy
The terse announcement of the
Commission to Study Campus Ex-
tra-Curricular Activities said sim-
ply: "Missouri University, location,
Columbia-Condition of S. R. (Sex
Radical): 76/34M-. This means
practically nothing to the layman,
so I decided to look into the situa-
tion. The farther I looked, the
more embarrassed I became-and
I'm not so sure I didn't embarrass
a few others in the process.
My first inquiry was at the Delta
Try Gamble fraternity. I wanted
to talk with a few of the brothers
about their sex life. I got a few
scattered opinions and after they
were duly translated, had a few
Phil Arthsbottom, a senior in the
School of Law, quoted thus: "Sex-
ah, that ever-evasive method of
relaxation-that stimulation to
make the days lose their length.
Yes, it is practically indispensible
to the campus environ. May it
never be eradicated."
B. V. Dee, a freshman in the Col-
lege of Arts and Science, unloosed
his tongue in this fashion: "Yeah,
I go in for it pretty heavy myself.
In fact, it is my extra-curricular ac-
tivity. I don't tell the folks that,
though, because they hear it as
'Social Development.' Now, you
take a girl that's a good necker-
no, I take that back. If she's a
good necker, I'll take her myself-"
I didn't bother to check back to see
where he had lifted that joke.
Wishing to get the story from
the other side of the fence, I ap-
proached a young sorority Miss-
Margie Blump. I asked her for a
candid opinion of sex. "Sex?" she
asked, puckering up her nose.
"Pitchin' woo," I translated.
Then she smiled bigger and bet-
ter and said, "Oh, that!" Then
(Continued from Cover)
she told me how casual she took her
petting. "Why I set aside about one
hour every day just for that alone,"
she said. I came near asking her
how she could do it alone, but re-
sisted the temptation for fear I
might distract her.
"And what about your sorority
sisters," I asked. "Do they go in
for this stuff pretty heavy, too?"
"You bet. They say that's the
one thing that isn't taught in col-
lege-but they just pick it up on
their own hook."
I could see no reason why such
lovely talent should go to waste, so
in pursuit of my survey and such
things I suggested a ride in the car
for that very night. "Why not,"
she said. . . .
I picked Margie up about 7 that
evening and we went through the
preliminaries of a punk show. Dur-
ing the picture the best I could do
was hold her hand, but I made an
occasion of that. After the show I
suggested a ride and then headed
for any one of the places too nu-
merous to mention. She wasn't par-
ticular about that, but she did make
the announcement that the place
we finally chose was the most quiet
of all. Noticing a lead, I asked if
she knew ALL the places. She did.
Once at the place, I cut the en-
gine, tuned in the radio on some
dance music then stopped momen-
tarily to outline methods of ap-
proach. In the second of my mo-
ment's meditation, however, I ceas-
ed pondering the situation any lon-
ger-for she had already drawn my
right arm up around her shoulder
and had smuggled close beside me.
"Do you always do that to fel-
lows who take you out," I asked
still in pursuit of knowledge.
"Well, most of them don't wait
for me to," she explained. "You're
evidently new at this sort of thing
-so I thought I'd better take things
into my own hands." And with
that she looked up into my face
with her two big blue eyes.
The temptation was too much,
so I drew her closer and planted a
kiss directly in the center of a patch
of lipstick. I intended making it
only an introductory offer-but she
encircled her free hand around my
head and held the position for what
I judged to be thirty seconds. Then
she relaxed-and I came out to my
own advantage for now I had both
arms firmly draped about her.
In the next few minutes I kissed
her several times-each one increas-
ing in length and the span between
them shortening. We didn't talk
of anything in particular, as I re-
member, and I was surprised to see
...AND MORE SEX
that she took it as a matter of fact,
just as though there was nothing
else but that to do. Well, there
Next we changed positions for
comfort and in the mix-up I guess
I did something not quote cricket-
for she quickly straightened up in
the car and said, "Now don't get
collegiate." I was afraid to say
anything for a little while, but with-
in three minutes her head was lying
up against mine and I had kissed
her three more times.
Maybe it was intuition, but any-
way I looked at my watch and
thought I had put in a good day's
work. After a final kiss, I told her
we should be getting home and she
When we got back to her house,
I started to kiss her good-night.
Evidently there was no one look-
ing, or a kiss in such a conven-
tional position would be an anti-
climax to what we had gone through
-for she defended herself, then
slipped into the house and on up
to her room.
My article would have consider-
ably more verve if I could have
followed her to her room (platoni-
cally, of course) and heard the en-
suing bull session she had with her
girl friends. There were hundreds
of things I wanted to know-for the
article and survey, of course, Was
that "don't get fresh" flare-up just
a show-was she expecting me to
ignore it? Would she have permit-
ted considerable more liberties?
Was I tame in comparison with
some of her other dates? Would
Margie have let me become even
fresher on our next date? Would
she have been equally as casual with
regard to other things?
And as I sat at my desk drawing
up the records for my report I came
to the question, "Is sex universal
on the campus?" Opposite I pen-
ned the word, "Yes." Then I added,
"-and fun, too!"
Mary had a little swing,
It isn't hard to find,
And everywhere that Mary goes
The swing is right behind.
He: "I'm feeling a little frail to-
She: "Will you stop calling me
Father: "Why do you go with
Son: "Because I want too."
Father (suspiciously): "Want to
"Darling, do you mean you can
tell a man's future from his hand?"
"Yes, sir, if it stays on my knee
like yours is, he's sure to get sock-
"Are you troubled with improper
"Naw, I enjoy them."
"You should be more careful to
pull your shades down at night. Last
night I saw you kissing your wife."
"Ha, ha, ha The joke is on you,
I wasn't at home last night."
"The boys at the Deke house
must be out. The lights are not on."
"No. They are giving a party."
Filmer Smut was saying t'other
day that he heard about a skunk
who went to church and sat in his
own pew . . .
This little sheep went to market,
This little sheep stayed home,
And so we have virgin wool.
"Here's where I cut a good fig-
ure, said the college girl as she sat
on a broken bottle."
ABOUT THIS ISSUE
"Censored by a blind per-
"I'm buying extra copies to
heat my house."
"The presses must have
gone up in smoke."
SEXPOSE SHOWS WOO PITCHIN' QUITE POPULAR
"Hi-Lites from the World of Sports"
Don't look now, but that Uni-
versity of Missouri basketball team
preparing for the 1938-39 cage cam-
paign possesses the promising pos-
sibilities that bring goose-flesh
even to the "Doubting Thomases"
of the coaching fraternity, an order
to which Coach George R. Edwards
decidedly does not belong.
No, Edwards isn't a pessimist,
and he shouldn't be, for he has an
all-veteran starting lineup, aug-
mented by seasoned reserves, that
should give him a finished product
comparable to any other in the
conference, with the exception of
Kansas, Big Six's perennial cham-
Missouri tied for third place with
Nebraska in the conference a year
ago, by winning four of its ten Big
Six starts. You need no rose-col-
ored glasses nor an optomistic per-
spective on life to foresee a better
won-and-lost record and a similar
improvement in the standings this
year. Here are the boys:
John Lobsiger, junior guard . . .
Elected captain when scholastic re-
quirements took two-out-of three
falls from Kenny Brown . . . A
blushing blond . . . Prepped at Gary
Indiana, in the state noted for its
cage luminaries . . . Not physically
rugged, yet capable of setting a hot
pace throughout a game . . . Ex-
cellent on backboard play . .
Capable of breaking up a ball-game
with a field goal in the clutches.
Bill Harvey, junior forward . . .
His cage play as a sophomore last
year was comparable to that of
Paul Christman on the gridiron
Came from nowhere, after a
none too sensational freshman year,
to spearhead the Tiger offense .
Led team in scoring with his two-
hand pivot, jump shot . .
Harlan Keirsey, senior forward
. . Silent man of the squad . . .
Quiet workman, efficient, durable,
and in better condition since ap-
pendectomy last spring . . . Ex-
cellent "feeder." . .
Blaine Currence, junior center
. . . Six-foot, four-inch pivot man,
accurate shot . . . Appears slated
for starting berth ahead of Tison
. . . Plays effortlessly. . Quiet foot-
ball squad near season's end to
start cage workouts.
Hal Halsted, junior guard . .
Smallest regular on squad . . .
Best long shot . . . Dogged defense
man . . . Works well with Lobsig-
er . . . Despises defeat.
Haskell Tison, junior center . . .
Tallest man on squad . . Six-foot,
seven an done-half inches . . . Good
on lay-in shots . . .
Clay Cooper, junior forward . . .
Does well with one-hand jump shot
. . . Has fine floor game . . . Broth-
er of Johnny Cooper, Mizzou's All-
Big Six star of yesteryear . . . Call-
ed "Salty" by his mates.
Gene Bredehoeft, junior guard
. . Lettered as a sophomore two
years, missed last season with leg
injury . . . Sticks closer to op-
ponent than Seven Years' Itch . . .
Called "Baldy," you guess why.
Arch Watson, sophomore forward
. Star of freshman team two years
ago which contained Harvey, Lob-
siger, etc. . . . Kept out with kid-
new ailment last year . . . Plays
now with special protection for in-
jury . Loose and lanky; polish-
Martin Nash, sophomore for-
ward, Truman Jorgenson, sopho-
more guard . . . Promising, partic-
ularly the former.
Dr. F. C. Allen, dean of basket-
ball coaches in the United States,
has ten lettermen returning, and a
fine crop of sophomores also on
hand. The Jayhawk quintet should
be potent, and the battle for the
championship may be a duplicate,
although perhaps more fiercely
fought, of last year's race to the
finish between Kansas and Okla-
homa. The Jayhawks know every
team in the conference will be
tough, and they particularly re-
spect the Sooners.
The old injury jinx has already
dealt Kansas a cruel blow, with the
loss of Ralph Miller, sophomore
sensation, who is out for the sea-
son. Miller injured his right knee
twice in football and then rein-
jured it in basketball. Miller was
one of the two greatest high school
basketball players the state has
(Continued on Page 23)
I think that I shall never see
A prof. who thinks great things of me.
A prof. who looks at me and hopes
The other guys were also dopes,
So that he wouldn't have to mark
So sure that all of us were hams,
That all he'd have to do (the skunk)
Is merely write, 'Dear Class: You
IF everything around you looks too
IF you can't make the tennis squad, or
IF all your grades look even worse'n
IF you can't get to class before the
IF no assignments that you have are
IF you escape the busting by your
Remember, pal, each night at half
The campus groans, and envies you
What? Typewriter won't work?
The coffee won't perk?
Can't finish that theme?
Your math is a scream?
Your chem's in a mess?
Your pants need a press?
What am I about?
I'm packing your stuff.
You've just flunked out.
"Your son is a college graduate,
isn't he?" the stranger asked.
"Yes," confessed the honest farm-
er. "But, in justice to the college I'll
have to admit that he didn't have any
Actor: You know, they say my face
is my fortune.
Patient Listener: Look here, I'm
fed up with hard-luck stories.
Brief-What the client is supposed to
be when he visits the lawyer.
Suit-Just about all the personal be-
longings you have left when your
lawyer gets through with you.
Case-Something to be sent to each
Jury member when convincing be-
"Your Honor"-Something you have
to cast aside when you begin dick-
ering with lawyers.
Lien-How some lawyers get when
business gets bad.
Bar-A place where all good lawyers
Murder-What most lawyers get away
Stand-What the witnesses do around
the courthouse all day.
Extradite-Condition of some mem-
bers of the bar after a case is won.
They come home extradite.
Nudists boiling in the sun
Must get slightly overdone.
It takes all kinds of people to make
A man on trial was being exam-
ined by a group of alienists. Suddenly
one doctor jumped up and shouted at
"Quick, how many feet has a centi-
The man came back in a dry, dry
"Humph, is that all you have to
"Our friends got so tired of home movies we had to pit in binuo!"
MR. MOTTO GOES CRAZY
"Be sure you are right then go ahead."
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
"Your face tells what you are."
"Looks are deceiving."
"Fine feathers make fine birds."
"Don't judge a book by its cover."
"Happy the wooing that's not long
"Marry in haste, repent at leisure."
"Where there is no knowledge, there
is no sin."
"Ignorance of the law is no excuse."
"Don't lock the stable door after the
horse is stolen."
"Better late than never."
"Two heads are better than one."
"Too many cooks spoil the broth."
"An eye for an eye."
"Return good for evil."
"The more the merrier."
"Two's company, three's a crowd."
"All things come to him who waits."
"Time and tide wait for no man."
"Every man for himself."
"In union there is strength."
"A rolling stone gathers no moss."
"A roving bee gathers the honey."
"Absence makes the heart grow fon-
"Out of sight, out of mind."
"Look before you leap."
"He who hesitates is lost."
"Revenge is sweet."
"Return good for evil."
THE RED, WHITE, AND BLUE
The arena was jammed. All lights
except the big one shining down into
the ring were out. The two giants again
tried to get a finishing hold on each
other, but neither was very success-
ful. They kept bouncing and mauling
each other around the ring. The
match was nearing its time limit, and
the crowd, to a man, was backing the
light-skinned wrestler, an ex-All-
American tackle, as he got a strange
hold on his opponent.
"Kill the foreigner! Pin him! Rip
him to pieces!" yelled the crowd. "Pin
him! Pin him!"
The Greek, a champion in his own
country, was game but he couldn't
stand the pace. The favorite picked
him up and slammed him to the
ground, quickly falling on him and
pinning the Greek's shoulders to the
mat. Pandemonium broke loose as the
referee went down on his knees to
make sure the Greek's shoulders were
touching the canvas.
"Them foreigners can't come here
an' lick us Americans!" a shrill-voiced
ringsider yelled, voicing the opinion
of the entire crowd.
The referee raised the American's
arm in token of victory. "Donsickabel-
liorato wins!" he announced.
"S as in Sacrilegious,
C as in Chastity,
R as in Righteousness,
A as in Affable,
M as in Mannerism.
Scram, ya mug! Scram!"
"Our boy Bartles" as he is known to the boys of
the Cross was heard of during the holidays as coming
home just in the nick of time. His home town flame
just dropped her running mate so he could get mar-
ried. Bartles stepped in and entertained Helen and
several other Sigs, including the family of Tlapek,
all of St. Mary's and fine people.
Latest date news-What in the world were Dick
Reed and Mary Ellen Reyburn doing in
the dark room of the Missourian? on
the night of . .Smiley Martha
Jane Meyers reports that she and an-
other Delta Delta Delta (there are
three) were caught robbing the icebox
of, of, of GRAPENUTS. Juliet Mayfield,
Pi Phi transfer from Arkansas U., got a
diamond for Christmas from a former
Sig Chi at Illinois. She says it'll be Loh-
engrin and middle aisles for them come June . . . . .
A Chi O stag party at the Muehlebach Grill re-
fused dates one Saturday afternoon. Dial 3156, Mar-
tha Cramer, for further details.
Marian Williams, KKG from Washington U.,
came all the way to Columbia for the last Acacia
dance. Looks as if P. C. McMillan is losing interest in
the Women's Student Government Association.
The Kappa Sigs threw a stag party in St. Louis
over the vacation that was a riot, to say the least.
The Student never did pick up that "Butch"
Schmidt, Acacia, was pinned to Margaret Spruce,
Mount Oread, K. U., was mighty cold on Dec. 26.
Helen Matson, Delta Gam, is out of circulation.
We S.A.E. a man in the picture.
Ken Krakauer, Zeta Beta Tau prexy, will soon put
out the jeweled emblem on Nan Hyman, unless she is
already under-wearing it.
Lawrence "Si" Strouse will not make up with his
ex-pinee, Babette Strasburger. Some say that it is a
sudden reawakening Northwestern romance; her name,
ah . a Stephens lassie of last year.
Irwin Tober, Zete pledge, is playing on the varsity
of Lois Gilbert, Stephens. She thinks he's awfully cute
for a freshman and besides, she might be without a
date some time.
Arnold Robinson, Norfolk lad, spent real money
saying very little of importance via phone to Margy
Rosen this Christmas.
Short short: Three men, Medarts, New Year Eve,
DeVilbiss, and hamburgers.
The three Acacia "H's," Harlan Keirsey-Haskell
Tison-Harry Beltzizg, "celebrated" after the Wash-
ington U. game at the Coronado Coal Hole.
"Once Over Lightly" at the Princeton Triangle
Club saw Caroline Woerheide, Delta Gamma, with
date whom the Missouri Student would be at loss to
explain. Also there included Charlie Walker, Sigma
Chi; Mary Timberman, Read Hall; Bud Orf and
Webster Groves date. Mizzou hearts would cry trea-
son if we mentioned names of dates with foresaid.
Jane Burr, Delta Gam, and
Eleanor Noxon, whose Tri Delt
fame the campus remembers vivid-
ly, were at the housewarming of a
friend at Clayton, Mo.
Helen Davis, A.D. Pi, was two-
ing it by herself at the Steeplechase
Bar, Hotel Chase, during the early
part of New Year Eve.
The Mintner-Lanser combina-
tion acted as host during the early part of an Acacian
New Year's Eve party that must have something
judging by the complete lack of memory except bot-
tles. "They tell us that we had a wonderful time,"
say Monroe, Lowry, Hildreth, et al.
Now that Student Editor Bill Macklin has be-
come the Columbia AP and will no longer have a great
deal of time to devote to his dirt sheet we shudder to
think of what depths it will undoubtedly fall to. .
Some time when you have a lot of time and want
to hear a good story you might ask Sig Eps Renneau
Ross and Jack Blair about their amazing careers as
leaders of a notorious crime band--or something. .
And AGD Pauline Stockwell has been keeping her
sisters in an uproar with her detailed plans for a wed-
ding next month- .
To you my lads and lassies, we wish a most suc-
cessful final season-and if you do flunk out of school
(Continued on Page 21)
by HOUSTON COX
WALLY NIELSEN-Brilliant lad-Last month topped off successful col-
lege career by winning Rhodes Scholarship-One of four lucky men surviving
local, state, and district examinations-Leaves for England October-Hopes
to enter Trinity College (Oxford University-to study economics-Previously
has won Rollin's Scholarship here-for outstanding junior in Arts and Science-
Is president of business honorary: Alpha Kappa Psi-Member of Phi Beta Kap-
pa--Junior and Senior five-Phi Eta Sigma, scholarship-Alpha Pi Zeta, social
science honorary-Omicron Delta Kappa, general honorary-Accounting Club-
Chosen among Who's Who of American Colleges and Universities-Played on
championship intramural football team past three years-Went to quarter-finals
in golf this year-Likes to date, preferably Stephens-Doesn't like college humor
mags (ouch) Mickey Mouse is favorite actor-Pi K. A. social frat.
BOB BLACK-Organizer deluxe!-first man in years to unite powerful
independent vote in general election-With it gained Presidency of Student Body
last spring-Not the typical politician at all-Enjoys browsing thru "Spoon
River Anthology"-Thinks its portraits both beautiful and powerful-also likes
Channing Pollock-Gets kick out of reading law-Entered law school this year
-plans to practice-Graduated from Arts and Science last June-Played polo
four years-Debating was favorite activity-Laid out of college between sophy
and junior years-during which worked for Warner Bros. publicity dept.-Likes
sea food, scalloped oysters in particular-Likes intelligent girls with personality
and standard of vaules-Actor and actress: Walter Pidgeon and Olivia de Havi-
land-Is Sig Alf.
JOHN GARDNER-Likable Journalism School president-Won position
with usual close margin last fall over news-major opponent-Is Blue Key man-
Scabbard and Blader first two years-Captain in ROTC ditto-Belongs to Alpha
Delta Sigma, professional advertising frat-played on frosh baseball team-Won
matches in Golden Gloves tourney as soph-Likes popular fiction-Thought
"You Can't Take it With You" best show of '38-Fav't actor and actress: Wil-
liam Powell and Myrna Loy--Once spent ten months in CCC camp-When it
comes to food it's Ice Cream for John-Doesn't particularly like to study-
Prefers good-looking tall women but all of 'em are-"A pleasant luxury but not
a necessity"-Not in love-Would like to go into promotional line of advertis
ing on graduation this June-Social frat: Sigma Nu.
BOB GEAUQUE-Pronounced "Gee-ahk"-Call him Bob-President of
Engine School here-Will graduate in mechanical engineering this June-Mem-
ber of A. S. M. E.-also Pi Tau Sigma, mechanical engineer honorary--Worked
on "Shamrock" staff (magazine) and was business manager last year-Was
Chairman of "Hallowe'en" and "St. Pat's" dance committees last year-Played
in University Band as frosh and soph-Is Pi K. A.-former pledgemaster and so-
cial chairman-Photography is hobby-Would like to go on with schooling, but
may work a year before studying for masters-Dates generally but has that
certain girl in background-Liked "Dawn Patrol" best of recent movies-Reads
a lot in his field-Has worked out and had published a "psychometric chart" for
figuring amount of coils needed in air conditioning installations.
CROP OF HOTSHOTS
Caricatures by MURRAY AMPER and VIC TAKE
DOROTHY McINTIRE-Prominent Hendrix Hall independent-Has been
with Hendrix for four years-Elected President of Hall for '37-'38-Is St. Louis
gal-Now a senior in Journalism School-ad major-Is member of Gamma Alpha
Chi, honorary ad sorority--Plays on Hendrix basketball team-Went in for Bur-
rall Class first two years-Member of YWCA-Likes Spencer Tracy and Loretta
Young-"You Can't Take It With You" her fav't movie of 1938-Picks prose
over poetry for reading-modern novelist: Sinclair Lewis-Palate tickler is fillet
of sole (fish, you mug)-Is now planning to try out for Vogue's "Pris de Paris"
-Winner receives six months in Paris and six in New York office-Some sort
of ad work her ambition-working either for magazine or big company--Likes
her men with brains in the head rather than rhythm in the feet-But loves
JEANETTE ARMENTROUT-Stephens biggie-yep, sister of Beta Bill
here-Is President of Burrall-and one of most active in years, according to
reports-Sits on Legislature at Stephens as non-voting member-Member Ath-
letic Association by virtue of fencing-belongs to "O Musica" club-Is Kappa
Alpha Phi-Member of Phi Theta Kappa, scholarship honorary-favorite sports
are swimming, tennis, badminton-Enjoys acting of Ronald Coleman and Helen
Hayes-Frequently reads "Forum" and "Readers Digest"-Loves to sip hot-
cholocate-Goes out a lot but never head over heels in love-Would like to
attend Stanford U. next year-Interested in personnel work in business or edu-
cation-Plays piano as hobby.
"TEENY" DUFFY-Screwiest little Irishman in Columbia town-but plen-
ty of sense-President of Campus Service Board at Stephens-therefore sits on
Legislature as voting (and voluble) member-Member of Tau Sigma Tau, art
honorary-From Louisville, Ky.-and rides hosses in shows like true Derby
City gal-also swims-Social sorority is Theta Tau Omega-Is Cheerleader for
Senior Class-Member of "Prince of Whales Club"-and dopiest dope I ever
interviewed-She won't sit still-scratches-itches, too, I reckon-Plans to go
on 9-month tour of globe on graduation-Then probably back to college-Likes
Ogden Nash and his doggyral-Dates: when she feels like it-ha!.-Likes Janet
Gaynor and Tyronne Power-Plays the field with men-frat pins are out-
Vivid personality, whew!
MARGARET ANN SPORE-President of Senior class at Christian-hails
from Clinton, Mo.-Interested muchly in art-Member of Phi Delta Delta, art
honorary-Goes in for fencing club-made team this year-also draws a mean
bow-Member of central governing body, Student Council-Would like to come
to Mizzou next year and study art-Plans to be interior decorator-For hobby
collects dogs-China pups-Has 'em from half-inch high to two feet-"But they
keep me awake nights yapping," she says-Has never been in love--But loves to
square off with a big, juicy beefsteak-Loves to dance-Sketch: Brown hair,
blue green eyes, medium, cute-Choses modern novel for reading--Thought "The
Yearling" one of interesting books of 1938-Screen favorites are Bet Davis and
MOVIE CRYSTAL BALL
In every day parlance Kentucky is associated with
beautiful women, race horses, and feuding. The film
"Kentucky" will have something to do with all three.
Loretta Young, featured in the picture, has never
looked more breathtakingly beautiful before. The man
in her mind is Richard Greene. Walter Brennan will
have an important role as will Karen Morley, Russel
Hicks, Charles Waldron, Moroni Olson, and Douglas
"Kentucky" will be the first Twentieth Century-
Fox production in color, and David Butler, who turned
out the successful "Straight, Place, and Show," is di-
Clark Gable and Norma Shearer will play the
leading characters in the screen version of the play
which won the Pulitzer prize. Robert E. Sherwood,
noted for the manner in which he creates vivid char-
acters, pointed dialogue and swift action, wrote the
much discussed play.
The plot combines all the elements of a romantic
love story, a theatre life comedy, and a war melodrama.
The locale shifts from Omaha to Europe, where Gable
is touring with his musical show. Gable sings and
dances in "Idiot's Delight."
Among supporting stars are Edward Arnold, Jos-
eph Schildkraut, Burgess Meredith, Charles Coburn,
and Skeets Gallagher.
The stars of "Zaza," Claudette Colbert and Her-
bert Marshall, have been principals in some of the
screen's most entertaining pictures.
The locale is in Paris where Claudette Colbert
will be seen in the role of a fiery, lovable favorite of
the French music halls. Marshall is a man of position
in the business world. They fall in love and she is
about to quit the stage but she learns that he is mar-
ried and a father. She sends him away, but he comes
back later offering her his life and fortune.
Principal supporting players are Bert Lahr, Con-
stance Collier, Genevieve Tobin, and Walter Catlett.
THAT CERTAIN AGE
"That Certain Age" is the fourth picture to come
from the remarkable singing youngster, Deanna Dur-
bin. Three songs were penned for the star; they are
"My Own," "Be a Good Scout," and "You're as Pretty
as a Picture."
Deanna, as a 15-year-old girl, undergoes her first
pangs of schoolgirl romance, and the plot is more
comedy than any other of the previous stories, but it
has the heart-interest and stirring emotional qualities
which have distinguished all of her pictures.
The brilliant cast includes Melvyn Douglas, Jackie
Cooper, Irene Rich, Jackie Searle, Juanita Quigley, and
"No, I simply could not be bothered turning that
thing every time the wind changed."
Seen on the marquee of a Scotch Movie House:
TWO SIDES TO IT
"Hello, Harry. Just ran across Jack
Walls a half hour ago. He's doing
publicity for the Topper hats now."
"That's so? Why it seems only a
little while that Jack was boosting the
"Yeah? Well, when my wife met
Jack's brother a couple of months
ago, he told her that Jack had just got
through publicizingtheLyceum Movie
Theatre, and was going to take up
with the Austin Restaurants."
"Poor Jack! Can't stick to one thing
very long, can he? Why in the last six
months-to my own knowledge-he's
done publicity for Ye Fink Beauty
Shoppe, Dodo Yo-Yus, O'Malley Type
Shops, Up and Down Radio Repair
Service, and Syncopated Bingo, In-
"Trouble with Jack is that he's a
mooner when he's supposed to be on
the job. You're just as likely to find
him gazing for an hour at a time in
some pipe store window or at a steam-
shovel operator doing his stuff."
"Sure! That's just why Jack can't
hold on to a job. You can't blame the
people for whom he works. They ex-
pect a man to keep continually on the
move, so both sides of the sandwich
board will be displayed!"
A GOOD BUY
When your friend calls to your attention that he has a
new suit on, remember that he thinks it's the best buy any-
one has ever made. Therefore, it's up to you to fit your re-
marks to his attitude. The following well-chosen words will
do the trick as they, in a way, give your real opinion, yet
are guaranteed not to offend.
"Not a bad suit at all-for the money. Don't look bad,
either. Lots of them being sold. Of course, the goods won't
hold up so long, but with a tailor on every block, you're
really taking no chances.
"But you'll get your money's worth out of it. That is
if you take good care of the suit. Whatever you do, don't go
out in the rain with it. That is, if you don't want the pants
to shrink up like knickers.
"Yep, you got a nice suit there. You'll get your wear out
of it, and in a month, you can sell it to our old-clothes man.
"Well, so-long; wear it well."
THE PERFECT HUSBAND
-Is one who blackens his wife's eyes and then buys her a
-Is one who pays his alimony regularly.
-Is one who will never strike his wife except for a loan.
"I don't remember."
"Then you take the left fold and simply join them with a safety pin like this."
"No, sir, we're not rooming together any more. No, noth-
ing happened. We just thought it was for the best. Can you
imagine a guy who refused to look for a collar button be-
cause it gave him the creeps? Well, that was my roommate.
And absent minded-every time he knocked the ashes out
of his pipe, he'd yell, "Come in." He was just the type of a
fellow who, sitting in the audience, would sing when the
organist asked him to. And was he conceited! If he was half
the man he thinks he is, he'd be twins. Besides that, you
couldn't go near him. He was so ticklish he almost went
crazy trying to fall asleep in a feather bed. And on top of
this, he was afraid of his own shadow. He's so yellow they
had to give him a blood transfusion from a grapefruit.
And tight, why one day he dropped a nickel in a vacant lot,
and two hours later he struck oil. None of these things really
bothered me, but when he tried to break up the cold I had
in my head-with a hammer, I thought we'd better call the
whole thing off. I'm living alone and liking it."
A FRIEND IN DEED
I am a College Professor, and there-
fore, I don't have many friends - at
least no real ones. That's what makes
this all so surprising.
Oscar Twerp, without doubt, is the
strangest person I have ever met. Take
for instance the time I absent-mind-
edly walked across the track field and
was hit by a javelin. It was Oscar who
came tearing through the crowd be-
side the coach and doctor, and with
the tenderness of a baby lifted me into
the emergency stretcher.
Then, there was the time, right be-
fore the big football game, when the
star, a 270-pound guard, pinned me
against the wall and asked me whether
he passed or not. I remember standing
there for over an hour trying to get up
enough courage to tell him the sad
truth. And then Oscar appeared, took
me in hand, and showed me how in-
advisable it was to risk death. I passed
the guard and got a new start on life.
Then for four years I didn't see
anything of Oscar. Finally, I had com-
pleted plans for my sabatical leave
and was ready to embark on the
Queen Susie Q for Europe when an ex-
cited Oscar Twerp hopped out of a
taxi, grabbed me by the arm off the
gangplank. He pleaded and argued
against my taking such a foolhardy
trip. You know the rest. The boat sank
on the way over.
Since then, Oscar and I have be-
come good friends. And, by the way,
I now remember where I first saw
him. He's the fellow who sold me that
life insurance policy in 1925.
"Hilton, you've got my bath too cold again!"
(Continued from Page 15)
don't forget to have your Showme subscription trans-
ferred to someone.who will be with us next semester.
The much-publicized pinning of Sig Chi Lackey
Johnson and AGD Pollyanna Nichols finally came to
pass just before the holidays . . . . .
Congratulations and stuff to
grid star Lowell Pickett and his new
bride-the former Mary Whiteside
-of shag fame .
Also to Laura Lou Maxwell-
who said a woman couldn't keep
a secret? .
Sally Rand-the strip arteaser-is cousin to Bar-
bara Hawley, Life's choice for honors last year . . .
Babs is one of the major reasons for the thirty odd
(and we do mean odd) beauty parlors in Columbia
. .she isn't content with just moving her hair up
and down . . . no, she has to go in all directions with
Katie Merrill Smith-kin of John Dos Passos,
author of some of the best-including "U. S. A." . . .
Katie admits most of the stuff is beyond her pretty
blond head . . . so she just never reads it!
The late Kingfish Huey P. Long, former Louisiana
big gun, and Martha Hunt, diminutive Workshopper
in "George and Margaret," are uncle and niece .
Attention Missourian, Tribune and Student-
Martinelli is "the leading tenor in the Metropolitan
Opera" . . . Martini is just a young tenor at the Met.
One ex-Phi Phi prexy may graduate. The Haw-
thorne . . . daughter of the Mexico Superintent of
schools is working on extension courses . . . we'd say
they were extended . . . fifth year but she's still going
Bob Holliday, wedded A & S'er, will be the
fourth in line in his family to become a minister . . .
Bob shares honors with his father . . . his grand-
father . . . and his great grandfather.
A handclap for Nadine Guernsey, the Kansas
gal who has the prettiest hands and olive complexion
we've seen on the campus . . . also Stephens notes
-those velvet dresses under the 90 degree Missouri
sun are tough on the lookers-on, if not for you.
Haven't they taught you gals that green eye shadow
in the day time is like a hangover Monday morning
at the 18 Club?
About the story that a suit and cloak salesman
in K C. some forty odd summers old had a picture
of a Stephens gal in a typical two for a franc photo
-the gal turned out to be a demure kid with a
steady in the U. He's an enginue.
Mother: "Now, remember, while I'm away dear,
that if you pet and drink and smoke, men will call you
Sweet young thing: "Yes, indeed, just as fast as
they can get to a telephone!"
BRENDA COMES OUT
By Phil Dessauer
Oh, let's sing of Brenda Diana Duff Frazier,
Whose debut broke into the "four hundred's" leisure;
Her set-up astounded the swank savoir-faire set-
She wouldn't "come out" in an upsweeping hair-set!
The soiree attracted the cream of society;
The best of dead-enders; no room for small fry-ety.
They all came in tails, including detectives
Whose Sherlocking courses gave waltzing electives!
Elite was the gathering of big-towners swanked-up,
But drink soon brought down all the swains who were
By morning, cham-pagnes in the heads of the stag line
Compelled them to enter the ranks of the pag-line.
Snow White has a rival in our little Brenda,
Who lifted the lid on the social agenda;
And though she has neither Prince Charming nor mid-
Who else has a bill for a dance in five digits?
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
"Well do you blame him, sir?"
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
"Who do you think you are, J. Reid?"
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
"Yes, this is the Sigma Chi house."
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
"Just look at them muscles."
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup."
"Oh, that's right-it's Friday."
"Waiter, there are boxing gloves in my soup."
"Yes, this is the training table."
"Waiter, there's a hair in my honey."
"Yes, it must have come from the comb."
Hidden from the
rest of the world by
a honeysuckle vine
they sat at Lover's
Leap in the moon-
light - alone. No
word broke the still-
ness for half an hour
"Suppose you had
money," she whis-
pered, "what would
He threw out his
chest in all the
strong glory of
young manhood. "I'd travel."
He felt her warm young hand slide into his. When
he looked up and she had gone. In his hand was a
The Jacqueline Shop
FACTS OF LIFE
(Continued from Page 3)
The color began to flow back into
the faces of those whose faces it had
left. A concerted sigh of relief
sounded in the tense air. Some of
the girls looked at each other and
blushed. The Professor coughed be-
hind his hand and looked around
"Now," he said, picking up his
books, "are there any questions?"
There was a moment of utter sil-
"Yes," sobbed the little girl in
the front seat, as all eyes turned to
"What is it?" Prof. Chrysalis
smiled encouragingly. "Don't be
afraid. You're with friends."
"Where," sobbed the little girl
in the front seat, "Where in the
hell do babies come from?"
"What makes people walk in their
He: "Do you know that you
look like Helen Brown?"
She: "Well, I look even worse in
The average man is proof enough
that a woman can take a joke.
Sign in a Boston library: Low
On getting a husband, if at first
you don't succeed, try, try a gun
(Continued from Page 10)
ever produced. In three years of
high school competition he averaged
19.7 points a game.
Graduation last spring took an
all-American guard, Fred Pralle,
but his running mate, Dick Harp,
may win the same high honors that
Pralle did. If Harp is not an all-
American guard this season, there
will be a large number of disap-
pointed fans in Lawrence.
The other two regulars returning
from last years' team are Don Eb-
ling, forward, and George Golay,
forward. Ebling, whose brother
Ray was an all-American, is a star
in his own right. Don was the Jay-
hawks' second high scorer last sea-
son. Golay, all-state center in his
high school days at Warrensburg,
is expected to have his greatest
season this year. Golay is 6'3 1/2"
tall and a powerhouse.
Other lettermen on the squad
are Lyman Corlis, guard; Loren
Florell, forward; Bruce Reid, for-
ward; Lester Kappelman, center;
Carl Johnson, forward; Fen Dur-
and, guard; and Wayne Nees,
Best of the sophomores are How-
ard Engleman, forward; Bob Al-
len, center or guard; Bruce Voran,
center; John Kline, forward; and
Bill Hogben, center. Engleman
scored 16 points against the fresh-
men in the opening game of the
When basketball is mentioned in
connection with Kansas State Col-
lege, you look in the lower levels
of the Big Six conference standings
for the Wildcats' rating. But for
a well-drilled, scrapping perform-
ance you'll find none better than
when Coach Frank P. Root's quin-
tets take the hardwood court.
The Wildcats have long been
recognized as the hard luck team
of the conference. Root, as well
versed in the game as any mentor
in the loop, is forced to face torrid
competition with lads who were not
stars in high school and whose
greatest forte is a flaming competi-
tive spirit which makes up, in part,
for their lack of brilliant ability.
Last year the squad's luck hit an
all-time low. The Wildcats aver-
aged ten or more shots per game
over their opponents and yet were
able to win but three contests in
the circuit. Those tries at the bas-
ket weren't blind stabs in the dark
or spectacular efforts with one
chance in a thousand to hit. Root
has plays built on a solid funda-
mental foundation which cannot be
stopped short of the free throw
circle. If the team had been play-
ing beneath the arctic lights of the
Klondike its shooters could not
have been so "cold" as the exhibi-
tion they gave last year.
This year's squad finds three of
last season's performers who vow
they'll put the ball through the
hoop or have the oval enlarged un-
til the sphere will knot the netting.
Leading the Wildcats into battle
is Homer Wesche, a former Manhat-
tan high school star and all-Big
Six center last year. Tall and agile,
Homer combines his speed and bas-
ketball knowledge to become a pow-
er on offense and a strong defensive
& BARBER SHOP
"Boy, look at that dame! Why do they streamline
'em that way?"
"To overcome resistance."
"Jones feels badly about having twins. He only
wanted one child."
"Well, who do you expect? He married a tele-
phone operator. They always give the wrong number."
"Waiter, there's a bee bothering me."
"What's the matter, have you got hives?"
"Why does Geraldine let all the boys kiss her?"
"She once slapped a lad who was chewing to-
Co-ed-We must be getting home. We girls are
out after hours.
Soph-We're out after ours, too.
They're picking up his pieces
With a dustpan and a rake,
Because he grabbed a silken knee
When he should have grabbed the brake.
Mr. Keith: John, tell me about the French syntax.
John: Gosh, I didn't know they had to pay for
They sat alone in the moonlight;
She soothed his troubled brow.
"Dearest, I know my life's been fast,
But I'm on my last lap now!"
PHILIPS AND COMPANY