Missouri Showme February, 1941 Missouri Showme February, 1941 2008 1941/02 image/jpeg State Historical Society These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show194102

Missouri Showme February, 1941; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1941

All blank pages have been eliminated.
Missouri Showme February 1941 15 cents Camel Cigarettes American youth facing the fu- ture with an invincible smile Kappa Ginnie Bell and Fiji Paul Heck get together as the navy and army. OFF THE EDITORIAL CHEST Our lead editorial is on the next page. So we are going to devote this space to comments on the magazine proper. We think we've done the best job yet on this issue. Take that cover for instance. We really went to a heck of a lot of trouble on that. Got a couple of hard- boiled sergeants at the R. O. T. C. building to haul out a 75 mm. cannon for us. And the pic- ture took about an hour to shoot. we finally finished about 4:30 in the afternoon. And the Cottinghams. Those pictures we shot during rehearsal just before the actual Sunday afternoon broadcast. The direc- tor almost threw us out of the studio. Ye Ed was trying to direct the picture-taking and be an off-stage voice in the program at the same time-almost miss- ed his cue. Next month's issue promises to be a whopper-dopper. We lined up J. V. Connolly, Show- me godfather, head of King Features Syndicate and as a re- sult, good old J. V. persuaded some of America's leading car- toonists to do some extra special art work for Showme. Some of the artists whose work-you'll see in the March issue include E. Simms Campbell, Petty, Varga, McManus and Sid Hoff. Yessir be sure and put aside 15 cents for the Queen issue. We'll see you next month. BETTY KENT LEADS SHOWME SALESGIRLS Betty Kent, Gamma Phi Beta, still holds the lead in total sales in the Showme salesgirls' con- test. Sue Weiss, Alpha Delta Pi, and Dorothy Love, Delta Gam- ma, are tied for second place, with Ernestine Ballard and Jeanne Mering, both of Delta Gamma, tied for the next posi- tion. Readers can help their favor- ite salesgirl win fame and for- tune by purchasing their Show- me's from them. Win your way to your buying heart. by buying a Staff BILL FREEHOFF Editor KEITH EMENEGGER Business Manager BARRIE YOUNG Associate Editor ADVERTISING Manager . Bob Herr Russ Bright PROMOTION & CIRCULATION Russ Bright, Manager SHOWME SALESGIRLS Blair Panky, Sue Weiss, June Nowot- ny, Jan Donnelly, Suzanne McDonald, Alice Rowly, Page Simrall, Frances Tay- lor, Margaret Oberfell, Kay Hendry, Madeline Mann, Betty Baker, Peg Say- ward, Nancy Graham, Virginia Page, Jeanne Middlebrook, Betty Kent, Mar- jorie Blum, Mildred Fenner, Jeanne Mering, Emmy Lou Russell, Dorothy Love, Betty Donaldson, Ernestine Bal- lard, Betty Chester, Judy Price, Jean Dunn, June Smith, Betty Wood. COLUMNISTS Barrie Young Larry Schulenberg CONTRIBUTORS Russell Burg Joanne Boeshaar Ernie Hueter Bob Deindorfer Irv Farbman ART STAFF Chuck Kufferman -------- Art Editor Walt Johnson C. V. Wells Art McQuiddy Jim Moseley PHOTOGRAPHY Tom Hollyman Herb Foster Harry Misseldine Glen Hensley Norman Pearlstein EXCHANGES Gar Pagett Ernie Hueter Al Lowenstein SECRETARIAL Charlotte King Dorothy Steinhieber Kay Hendry Patty Lockridge Joanne Boeshaar Lura McIninch ADVISORY BOARD Darwin Flanigan Don Delaney Walt Johnson Godfather --------- Joseph V. Connolly ODD JOBBERS Art Rubin Joe Stone What's Inside The American Way . . . . 2 Ye Ed spouts off a bit about a much-used term-Democracy. Co-Eds Aid Defense . . . 3 M. U. girls are ready to give their all for the country. Meet The Cottinghams . . . 4 A lovable, laughable American family. Working Through College. . 5 Satire rears its ugly head. Showme's Sexclusive Love Chart . . . . . . 6 Who's Why and How! wme Show . . . . . . . 9 campus super-snooper is bac on the job again with more and irtier dirt. Is Jitt rbugging on the Wane? . . 10, 11 Tripping a light fantasy. Missouri Track Immortals . 12 Russ Bright runs back, back, into the musty files of Missouri State University. Fotofeature . . . . 17 A bit of Old Vienna with a mod- erne flavor. Pete Aids The Party . . 18 Comrade X does a special for Showme-A Showme exclus 'e! Dies' All-Un-American Team Se- lections . . . . . . . . . . 20 Showme's nominations by unpop- ular ballot of some bad, bad boys. Photosketch . .23 A Bright spot on Showme glit- ters. Where To Go And What To Do . . 24, 25 Round-Towner again. Vol. X February, 1941 No. 6 STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP The Missouri Showme is published monthly except during July and August by the Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, national professional journalism fraternity, as the official humor and literary publication of the University of Missouri. Price: $1.00 per year; 15c the single copy. Copyright 1941 by Mis- souri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi; original contents not to be reprinted without permission. Permission given all recognized exchanging college pub- lications. Editorial and Business offices, Room 13, Walter Williams Hall; office of publication, Star-Journal Publishing Co., Warrensburg, Mo. Not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts; postage must be enclosed for return. 1 The American Way Well, here it is February again. To some folks that means the second month of the year; to school kiddies in thousands of American homes it means St. Valentine's Day and sending pa- per lace billet-doux to the sweet- heart; it means George Wash- ington and cardboard axes and the cherry tree tale, it means Abe Lincoln and the rail-split- ting stories. And you know, all of these things tie in together and spell one mighty big and important word-DEMOCRACY. You hear a lot of talk about that word nowadays. But just what is democracy? Our history professor tells us that in the days of the founding fathers of our re- public it was considered a dang- erous word. It was as bad taste to say democracy then as it is to say communism today. That day democracy meant organized resistance to the government, tyranny, revolt and bloodshed. It meant the bloody democracy of the first French republic- the awful tribunal and the gory guillotine, the revolution of the Madame La Farges and the Rob- espierres. But again, what really is dem- ocracy? Some say the only time we had real democracy in this country was in colonial New Eng- land in the town meetings where every man voted by hand and had a direct voice in the affairs of the community. Remember, however, that only the prosper- ous landowners could vote, and the aristocratic elders ruled the community with an iron hand. Political scientists and pundits will tell you the only place such "pure" democracy exists today is in tiny little Switzerland. But once more, what does this much debated term mean? Ben- ito Juarez, the Mexican Lincoln, expressed it as "the right to gov- ern ourselves." But we think it means more than just that- more than just a plain, cold, hard dictionary definition. We like to think of it in relative terms- in terms of every day American living. We like to think of it in terms of alternately hissing or applauding the President of the United States when his pic- ture flashes on the screen, in terms of discussing the pros and cons of community affairs with that local expert on all things- the barber. Yes, it's the little simple, everyday things in our life as citizens of this wonder- ful land that spell democracy to us. Going down to the mov- ies; jellying with your best girl; eating plenty of good wholesome food instead of bread made from wood and rationed butter; shopping with the family at the corner grocery--all these things mean democracy. That is what we think of it. But most of us take all these things for grant- ed, they are around us all the time-all these simple pleasures that would seem like real lux- uries to the countless starving European peasants. These are the pleasures, which simple as they are, we would nevertheless miss most if they were taken away from us. It's like having the water in the faucets shut off. We never think about it until we can't have it. We dearly love all these things-they make life worth liv- ing. They MUST be preserved. We don't have to go to war to do it, we don't have to do it by investigating everyone named Fritz. If we don't watch out, however-if we college people fail to keep a constant vigil, we shall destroy democracy our- selves. All the fifth columnists will have to do is sit back, fan the fire and take over. We, the college youth of today as future leaders of America tomorrow must put an end to all this de- featism, all this pessimism that we affect. Let's rid ourselves of these psuedo-cynical notions we have, let's cut out all the darn fool youth movements that make our elders think of us as the misguided idealists of a hope- less generation. Let's think of our country the way we used to do-let's think of February the way we did when we were kids in grade school-when the cherry tree and the log rails and the fun on Valentine's Day meant so much. They, and the things they symbolize still do mean much if we'll only realize it. Let's keep them that way-the American way. BILL FREEHOFF Co-eds Aid Defense Russia has her famed "Women From Hell' division, England has her S.A.T.C. All over the world today women are taking their place in the defense of their country. The United States is no exception. Today's American women are learn- ing mechanics so they can take the place of their men-folk during the draft. And the college girl is likewise learning to do her share in the nation- al defense. Unlike the Gibson girl of yesteryear or the simple-minded flapper of the last decade, today's college girl is on her toes and ready and willing to pitch right in with the men. Here on the Missouri campus, not all co-eds spend every available minute jellying, dancing or primping. As pictures show, some of the girls are learning to pilot airplanes under the C. A. A. To qualify, girls must be under 26 years and over 19, at least 5 feet 2 inches tall and weigh a min- imum of 100 pounds. The co-ed pictured here is one of 2000 U. S. women flyers. PRETTY VIRGINIA YOUNG C. A. A. pilot and senior in Arts, is "turning it over." Virginia gets ready to take off. A few last minute instructions. 3 Left to right Doris McCutchan (with mouth open), La Vierge Blake and Betty Abbot. AUTHORESSES JOAN MILLER and Elizabeth Too- mey ponder about the Cottingham's fate for next Sunday's broadcast. Meet The Cottinghams The heart of democracy lies in that great and necessary institution-the American family. Each Sunday afternoon at 1:30 the Christian Col- lege department of drama and music brings you the Cottinghams-a typical Middle-Western fam- ily. The program is presented over KFRU and is written and acted by Christian College students with the assistance of a few University of Mis- souri men. It tells the appealing story of unpre- tentious Bill Cottingham and his wife and children; a story of every day, good-hearted Americans. MOTHER COTTINGHAM tells son Harold, por- trayed by Jim Moseley, he'd better give up that nonsense about leaving school. Left to right it's Tuck Stadler (Pa Cottingham), Betty Abbot (Ma Cottingham), Doris McCutchan and Jim Moseley (the Cottingham kids.) Working Through College by Irv Farbman Curtly she removed his hand from the zipper on her dress front. "You've got your nerve", she said. She tried not to make her voice sound too angry. He lean- ed back in the booth, disgust playing on his features. "How about another beer?" he asked. She nodded, anything to keep him busy. She picked up a cigarette from the open pack on the table and lit it wearily. It was nice to relax for awhile in the shadows and listen to the music from the "juke box." She smiled ruefully to herself as the nickelodeon blared forth: "She's Selling What She Used to Give Away". Sometimes when she had time to think she wondered what ever started her off . . . on all this. Slowly she surveyed the beer joint, where couples were huddled together, their bodies merg- ing with the blackness in the booths. And still the machine played that song. She wondered why it should effect her. She looked across the table at the youth sitting opposite her. She'd have to work fast be- fore he got too drunk to be of any use. He was a nice boy, she concluded, a little eager, but the beer probably was responsible for that. He was still sulking over his glass in a corner of the booth. She'd probably hurt his feelings. "Don't take it so much to heart, sonny", she said. "There comes a day in every man's life." He looked up at her, studying her iritently with a drunken stare. She leaned forward towards him, and he could smell the "Sinful Soul" she was wear- ing, could see her lips, a soft crimson curve in the shadows. She looked at him meaningly. "It's getting late; almost time to go, isn't it? I'm sick of this joint anyway". "Okay", he said. He rose unsteadily to his feet and struggled into a camel's hair over- coat, collegiate style. She put her coat on alone. He came up close to her as they stood there, slipped his hands inside her coat, and tried to draw her close to kiss her. She tilted her head and gently shoved him away. "We'd better get going", she said. What beer did for a man, she thought. "Okay", he mumbled under his breath, "If that's the way you want to have it." She was afraid now that he was angry. She was going about this in the wrong way, she knew. She'd have to change her tactics before it was too late. They walked out to his car, parked at the curb. "Do you think it's safe for you to drive?" she asked. 'I could drive this thing with my eyes closed", he bragged. She looked at his eyes, they were half-way there already. She shrugged her should- ers. "What the hell, it was too cold out to walk". "Try to be careful, anyway", she told him. He grinned stupidly, "And if you can't be careful, be good, or however the hell it goes. Did you ever hear the one about it's good to be hard . . . mean, how it's . . ." "Yes", she answered wearily. She pulled down her skirt that had hiked up over her knee. "Keep your eyes on the road", she directed, "be- fore you get us both killed". He let the clutch spring up from the floor, and the car jerked forward, throwing the girl against him. He slipped the gear into high and allowed his hand to linger for a moment. He said: "You've got a run in your stocking". "Okay, Sher- lock", she replied, "now that you've finished your investigation suppose you go back to driving". He put his hand back on the wheel to turn a corner, then parked the car outside her house. He turned off the ignition and pulled up the brake. She prepared herself for what was to (Continued on Page 17.) 5 Showme's LOVE GRAPH To solve: Read percentage figures at top-if the lines meet in the middle-all's right in the world -and ZOWIE. CIVILIZA- TION WINNIE WISE MUGGY ROBERT- SON BETTY BROWNLEE BINNIE BELL ROSALIE SANDOZ PAUL CHRISTMAN J. DICK- PEDDIE BOB ROGERS MARILYN BUESCHER FRED REXFORD JANE FORCE SAM EDWARDS KANSAS CITY JOHN DUNCAN SHOWME 6 WHIZZER WHITE ARCH WATSON DAVE OLIVER ANYBODY BUD BARNES AN INTEL- LECTUAL INEZ POTTER S. SCHIESL HIS AUTO- MOBILE SAM EDWARDS FRED REXFORD CHET HILL POPCORN FRANNIE FONTAINE HIS DOG MISSOURI STUDENT THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY Two young swains, Nero and Rome, were in love with Claudia. Because she was so fond of music Claudia said, "The man I marry must first learn to play the volin." Rome tried hard to learn, butwithout success. On the other hand Nero was soon playing all of the gal's favorite tunes, and so they were married. It was then that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. * Co-ed: I dreamed I was dancing with you last night. Soph: Did you? Co-ed: And when I woke up, I found it was the maid hitting me on the bottom of my shoes with the end of a broom. * Oh, she's very well bred. Every time she throws a cup at her husband she always takes the spoon out. * Junior: What would you do if you were in my shoes? Co-ed: I'd get a shine. * Everything my roommate touches turns to gold. Everything I touch, they make me put back. * "How d'ja lose your hair?" "Worry." What d'ja worry about?" "Losin' my hair." * "Who was that man you were just kissing?" "It's all right my dear-nothing to be ashamed of-he wasn't my hus- band." * Movie Attendant: Madam, take this opportunity to see "Love Eternal." Lady: But I have only an hour to spare. M. A.: Well, it won't last much longer than that- Sir Walter Raleigh Tobacco Life Savers FREE! A BOX OF LIFE SAVERS FOR THE BEST WISECRACK! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free box of Life Savers! For the best line submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cello- phane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of this publication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky win- ner's name. "Are you a game warden?" "Yes, ma'am." "Well, I'm so thankful I have the right person at last! Would you mind suggesting some games suitable for a children's party?" Friend: Has your son's education proved of any real value? Father: Yes, indeed, it has entirely cured his mother of bragging about him. WOO-WOO The two loons sat in their neatly padded cell trying on the latest in double-breasted straight jackets. "I'll give you three guesses to tell me what I've got hidden in this hand," said Washington, "And if you can't guess, I'm gonna murder you." "You got a house there," replied Napoleon. Washington peeked into his clenched fist. "You're wrong," he shouted. "You got two more guesses to tell me what I've got in my hand, and if you fail, I'm gonna murder you!" Napoleon thought carefully. "You got a dog." he said. Again Washington peeked into his fist. "Wrong again." lie shouted happily sensing Napoleon's Waterloo. "You got one more guess to tell me what I've got hidden in my hand, or I'm gonna kill you." Napoleon desperately hanged his head against the wall. "You got a horse there!" he shouted. Washington turned his back and opened his fist slightly and looked. "A horse," he repeated. "What color?" She has watch man's eyes. they both keep watching her nose. * Co-ed: What's the enrollment of your college? Senior: Four hundred with and two hundred without. Co-ed: With and without what? Senior: Football players. "This valentine came from a boy friend who goes to medical school!" Showme Show Sororities on this campus have a wealth of tradition behind them . . . they have helped brighten old Mizzou's social scene for many a year, and their contributions to Rush Week and good old spring time are things this school could never do without . . . for this reason we're sorry to see a momentary cloud pass over one of the oldest houses on the campus . . . on good author- ity it seems that some of the lassies at ye old K.K.G. house are a bit miffed at their new house- mother, Mrs. Quayle . . irked at Mrs. Quayle's close adherence to the social dictums of Dean Thelma Mills, a group of Kappas, sparked by some of the school's leading de-icers, banded to- gether in an effort to oust the regulation-minded house-mother . . . first step in the crusade of an- noyance was a sub-rosa alliance with a few sons of old Phi Delta Phi . . .these merry lads, in their own inimitable midnight manner, were sup- posed to deliver as much brazen interference and hi-jinks as possible, making Mrs. Quayle's posi- tion rather untenable . . . this is the sort of a combine that is capable of making any house- mother's life miserable, and we're glad to hear that last notices indicate a firm stand on the part of Mrs. Quayle . . . the latter has been around the campus only a short time, but most of the Key girls insist she's a real addition to their house, taking right up where Birdie Scott, last year's chaperone, left off . . . this column hopes that the above information is without foundation, at least in its more serious aspects . . . wonder why it is that some sororities can't get the idea through their curly heads that their house-mothers are merely backing up laws instituted by a "front- office", personified by the many-armed Miss Mills . . . when the little light flicks on and off and a bunch of keys rattle somewhere in the background long about twelve o'clock, it's not the chaperone on a one-woman rampage of decency . . . it's a cut-and-dried rule of long- standing, and if it's not enforced the whole organization will suffer . . . and as a passing thought, we'd like to see a little more equality in this business of driving off the male herd at midnight . . . just try to get rid of an ardent swain at prescribed hours when he looks across the avenue and sees callers at another sorority still in the "before-curfew" porch session . . those well-informed on such matters say that draft worries and imminent farewells to school-days are responsible for the terrific rash of between-semes- ter parties that broke out all over the campus re- cently . . . this student body loves a good time, and all records were broken during this gala per- iod . . . but why vandalism? . . . windows in two halls smashed, the J-School Japanese lantern mauled, and a riotous mob running amuck at Stephens' College---all on the same night . . . result: police guard on two of the localities and cruising sentry cars keeping pretty close to the other . . if conscription is behind this case of the social jitters, then heaven help the good soil of Columbia if we get one step closer to actual war . . . and speaking of war, MARILYN BUE- SCHER, a Tri-Delt who looks like something Diz- zy Dean used to fool batters with, waged a little blitz of her own on a cop who stopped her on Broadway . . . and all the while JIM MOSELEY laughed like a hyena from the sidelines . since it has become fashionable to break into sorority houses in the wee hours, purposes un- known, a group of marauders slipped into the Tri-Delt house a few weeks ago and made off with a sizeable collection of the girls' clothing items . . . upon the threat of the lassies to turn in the names of the offenders, the Lochinvars brought the collection back with the delivery of the milk in the morning . . . and all was forgotten . . . ADELAIDE GOODELL, Pi Phi prexy, will leave school shortly to wed her one and only afar off among the sands of Florida . . . GOODY has been waiting for this event to come for a long time, and we wish her the best of luck . . . ART McQUIDDY, the Beta who writes naughty poems about his nice old fraternity, gathered up a group of his brothers and whisked them off to Sedalia, meeting a group of Pi Phis brought there by GRACE SPARN, and all had a great time . . . the Phi Gams could have had a chapter roll call the other night out at ye ancient and illustrious (just ask the Greeks!) Springdale . . . conspic- uous in his effort to play the part of the carefree playboy was JACK DICKPEDDIE, who can't fool us into thinking he wasn't carrying a flaming torch for the exotic SUZZIE SCHIESL . . . Miss SCHI- ESL was at an adjacent table calmly enjoying the company of WOODY VAN OSDOL, who leaves school anon for a fling at the army air corps . ever kept track of the women long JOHN LANCY is seen with? . . . after using up two notebooks we gave up . . . PEE WEE WILSON, Phi Delta Phi, is keeping intact his monoply on PEGGY CARPENTER, but alot of us wonder if that isn't the reason for RALPH McFARRON'S night after night of "parties with the boys" . . . did- n't you like the way LOU GERDES, lanky tennis- playing Beta, stepped in to fill BOB BROEG'S shoes as editor of the "Columbia Sports Review" in the Missourian? . . . a smooth job, that . . . why are people calling BARRY YOUNG "the Hague and Hague kid"? . . . is it because Mr. YOUNG reputedly turns into a fast-driving Bar- ney Oldfield when indulging in a little elbow- bending? . . . and whose car is that, anyway? . . . if you ever want to see a picture of the self- made business man, just catch a glimpse of DAR- WIN FLANAGAN, the United Press man in Col- umbia, some frosty morning on his way to Jesse Hall after leaving J-School . . . such motion. such swing of the arms . . . BUBBLES AL- (Continued on Page 23.) 9 Is Jitterbugging on the Wane? By Joanne Boeshaar Are you a "hep-cat" at heart? Are you a jit- terbug who can get in the groove and jive all night? If so, you're passe, according to Benjamin B. Lovett who really should know. He's the man Henry Ford-or representative-hired to head the department of dancing at the Ford Greenfield Hills School in Dearborn, Michigan. Just recently, however, Mr. Lovett and fourteen of his teachers have taken the open road to trip the light fantas- tic with some 20,000 aspiring terpsichoreans per week on 28 different college campuses. Not long ago he spent several days at Stephens College in- structing the Susies and their dates in the fine art of-believe it or not!-the quadrille, the waltz, the mazurka, and the varsovienne-folk dances all-and as American as the "Star Spangled Ban- ner" (whose tune, by the way, was originally bor- rowed from something European too.) The dances HAROLD BASSMAN, K. A. pledge prexy and Gamma Phi Mildred Fenner demonstrate some fancy jitterbug technique. PRETTY DOLORES DOUGLAS of Stephens and dapper Bob Edwards of M. U. show how to curtsy and bow properly in the best waltz quad- rille manner. Shades of George Washington! On down the line Karl Wickstrom lets his hands dangle out in front, tsk, tsk, Karl. Some like the stately waltz, others jitterbugging, but all of Mizzou's sons and daughters agree that the cozy cheek-to-cheek style of dancing is tops. Here Delt Ben Sickel and Theta Scotty McLure present a perfect picture of terpsichoreanl bliss. really went over with the crowd out at College and Broadway, and according to Mr. Lovett, they have become just as popular everywhere he has taught them. They may be old American, but they're the newest rage in modern dance circles today; and young people all over the country are quadrille-ing in a style that would have done credit to great-grandmother in her debutante days. This being our patriotic issue, we can't help putting in a plug for "God Bless America"-it seems that this world-unrest affects us in the most unexpected ways, even in our dancing. Finding our peace so suddenly precious, we Americans are beginning to want to do things together; and there is a certain unity and common enjoyment gained in dancing with a group in a way which was popular back in Mayflower days that, the experts on the subconscious declare, gives us a feeling of security which news bulletins and war posters and the hysteria of news-reel horror shots almost made us lose. The ASCAP fight that has kept so much of (Continued on Page 27.) 11 MISSOURI Track Immortals By Russ Bright John Munski's current exploits on the track have made him eligible for admittance to the myth- ical track and field Hall of Fame. But the Missouri miler is by no means the only Tiger trackman to inscribe his name in sports history. The first University of Missouri athlete to enter the Hall of Fame was Hans Wulff, back in 1904, in the very first years of modern track competition. He won the Junior A. A. U. discuss-throwing title with a heave of 104 feet 5 inches. In those days the platter was thrown without a turn. A few years later, in 1909, John P. Nicholson, who had not yet en- tered M. U. established a mark of nearly 41 feet to garner the Jun- ior A. A. U. hop, step, and jump event. In 1912 he set a world's rec- ord in the 120-yard high hurdles in 15.2. Later in the year he took the A. A. U. crown, skimming over the barriers in 15.8. Nicholson was a triple winner in the 1912 and 1913 Conference meets, nabbing the high jump and broad jump in addition to the timber topping con- test. He also competed in the 1912 Olympic Games. Nicholson was track coach at Notre Dame until his sudden death last year. Next in line came Robert Simp- son, a brother of the present Mis- souri track mentor. In 1916 he established a world's record in the high hurdles at 14.6, in winning the Senior A. A. U. championships. Again in 1919 he repeated his ear- lier triumph by taking the high bar- rier race, and in addition winning the 220-yard low sticks in 24.4. In the Conference Meet of that year Simpson stopped the watches at 23.8, just two-tenths above the world mark. Because the World War caused the cancellation of the 1918 Olympic Games, Simpson was prevented from displaying his tal- ents against the athletes from oth- er nations. However, in 1919 he was a member of an American team that toured Europe, and he defeat- ed many top-flight foreign hurdlers. Before retiring from competition, Simpson hung up five indoor and six outdoor records. The Missourian recently was appointed track coach for the Hungarian Olympic Team, but the outbreak of war in Europe has prevented him from seeing his athletes compete. Missouri's next national champ- ion was Earl Renick, who, in 1917 won the Junior A. A. U. low hurdle race. He performed at Missouri with Simpson and consequently had his efforts overshadowed by the latter. Along came 1920, and with it two Olympians, Jackson Scholz and Bru- tus Hamilton. The latter won both the decathalon and pentathalon events in the Senior A. A. U. meet and earned the right to represent Uncle Sam in the Antwerp Olym- pics. Hamilton, who is now track coach at the University of Calif- ornia, placed third in the pentath- alon and then went on to take sec- ond in the grueling ten-event com- petition of the decathalon, losing out by only a few points. Scholz accompanied Hamilton to Antwerp as a sprinter. In the 100- meters race he ran fifth, and he also ran a leg on the 400-meters re- lay team that established a world's record of 41.2. In 1924 Scholz ran second to Charlie Paddock, the "World's Fastest Human", in the national meet in both the 100- and 220-yard races. They both went to the Paris Olympics and Scholz was nosed out in the short race by Abra- hams of England. In the furlong sprint the Missouri boy, running on a rain-soaked track, eclipsed the Olympic record by breaking the tape in 21.6. In both races Scholz conquered his American rival, Pad- dock. The following year the Mis- sourian ran 20.8 to win the nation- al title at 220-yards. Scholz com- peted in the 1928 Olympics, his third, tieing for third in the 200- meter race. He was the only Amer- ican to win a place in the event. In 1923 M. U. had two national champions, Kenneth Lancaster and McCullough Keeble. Both entered the Junior division and both won first places, in the pole vault and hop, step, and jump respectively. Lancaster vaulted 11 feet 8 inches, and Keeble leaped slightly under 48 feet. The newest champion to wear the Black and Gold is the aforemention- ed John Munski. For three years he ran conference competition into the ground, winning races in the half- mile, mile, and two-mile. His best collegiate mark in the half-mile was 1:52.6; in the mile, 4:11; and the two-mile; 9:17.5. In 1939 he ran 3:56.1 to win the Junior A. A. U. title. Last year he won the Princeton Invitational Mile and fol- lowed it up with a victory in the N. C. A. A. Meet. Now a graduate student in the University, "Lonesome John" is presently running in the Eastern indoor meets. Last month he became the fifteenth man in history to run a mile under 4:10, when he clock- ed in at 4:09.7. The parade of champions will move on and on. New ones will be crowned and old ones will be for- gotten. But the dusty record books will always list the men who made the Hall of Fame. Three traveling salesmen were driving along the highway one night and were forced to stop at a farmhouse because of the weather. Upon asking permis- sion of the farmer to stay for the night, he replied, "All right, but you will have to sleep up- stairs where my daughter is." So they went to bed. The next morning the first salesman came downstairs look- ing terribly worn out. As he sat down the farmer asked, "What will you have for breakfast, eggs or bacon?" "I think I'll have a bowl of Wheaties," was the reply. The second salesman entered and sat down, looking even more disheveled than the first. "I'll take a bowl of Wheaties also," he moaned. The third visitor came down looking clean shaven and sprightly. "Give me some eggs and bacon-pronto!" he ordered. And finally the farmer's daughter made her way into the dining room. Her hair was down and she looked a mess. Dragging herself to a chair she yelled, "Hey Pa, bring me a bowl of Wheaties!"-which just goes to show that three out of four people prefer Wheaties for breakfast. Old lady: "Are you a little boy or a little girl?" Child: "Sure. What the hell else could I be?" Draft Dodger FORGETFUL When the absent-minded professor woke up, his wife was still asleep. He put on one blue sock and one red one, his shirt and tie and his blue bathrobe. After putting the cat in the icebox, and drinking a glass of buttermilk, he kissed the maid goodbye, then remem- bered his trousers, put them on, and hurried to his first class. He was feeling inexplicably happy. Something pleasant must have hap- pened-what could it have been? The class was assembled, with the usual array of slim, silk-clad legs One pair of legs was missing-whose? Then Miss Barry came breezing in, blonde and well-rounded. She gave him her startled look, and sat down. "Hm," he thought in that moment, "by gad, I'll do it! I'll ask her!" Just before dismissing the class the professor asked, "Miss Barry, I want to talk to you a minute." She came up to his desk. Clenching his fists, he said in a low voice, "Miss Barry, would you care to go to a show tonight, then perhaps a dance?" She looked up startled. "Why," she exclaimed, "Why, Pro- fessor!-I mean John!-Don't you re- member? We went out last night!- And we were married, too, late last night. I wondered why you rushed off to class this morning without waking me. Oh John! "McTavish.is certainly an expert at free throws!" DON'T AVOID THE DRAFT, SONNY BOY! The'Regular Army may reject applicants for such defects as flat feet when accompanied by certain other conditions, ingrowing toenails and the loss of either great toe or the loss of two toes on one foot, while rejections are not always to be granted to conscripts with the same ail- ments or losses, it was learned. -A newspaper clipping. Eenie, meenie, minie, mo Papa went and lost his toe 'Cause if to war he'd have to go, He'd laugh and say, "No toe-no go!" Conscription may change rules, that so . If he hollers, "Let me go!" Even if he has no toe- They won't exempt him-Oh, my, no! * Frosh: There's something bigger than money. Dad: Yes, bills. * Sophomore: One of your guests in- sulted me! Host: Only one? Chesterfield Cigarettes PREPARATION He had one goal in life, and he was determined to be prepared for it in case he ever achieved it. He was no longer young, but that didn't stop him from giving up a business to which he had devoted the better part of his life. He even gave up his friends and moved to a city where no one knew him. In spite of the fact that a Phi Beta Kappa key jangled from a chain sprawled across his vest, he reentered college. He crammed his program with as many subjects as he could squeeze in, not even leaving himself a lunch period. But these weren't enough for him. He registered at night school under a different name. For four years this went on. He raced home from day school to pre- pare for night school, and from night school home to prepare for day school. He never ate twice in the same restaurant for fear that a waiter hav- ing seen him once before might start a conversation and waste some of the precious time that he should be devot- ing to his studies. Then came the day! And he was prepared! He was to be a guest on Information Please. "Now these two bones we've never been able to classify." WACKY WORDS Real . . . You make home movies on them. Pier . To look at sorority pledges. Dare . . Used to indicate place, i.e., The stadium's over dare. Solo . A feeling you get after flunk- ing five solid hours. Dally . A newspaper that comes out every day. Shin . . A Chinese laundryman. Lacking . You do it to wear a lolly- pop down. Classic . . . Plural of class. Per . Cats do it all the time. Bush . . .Everyone does it when the convertible gets stuck. Ads . several pork-pies. Bum . . Sound made by a dud shell. Eel,. Sorority girls call you that in private. Foreman . A quartet. Mist. You do it when you cut class. Noose .,. Stuff you read in your local paper. Caddy . Plural of cad. Yet. A small yacht. Mere . . You use this to fix your tie. Peek . . . Most mountains have them. Lamb . . . Sometimes known as a branch. It grows on trees. Stamina . . You do it if your mouth is full of crackers. Smacked. Past tense of smoke. Squabble , . . Several squabs talking. fotofeature. LUCY WINTERTON, refugee, from the land of the Danube . . . wishes there were more mature men at the University. Lucy Winterton, Phi Sigma Sigma's newest pledge, and the young Viennese girl who was feat- ured in a recent issue of the Missourian, is rap- idly becoming a typical American co-ed. She likes jelly-dates, thinks they're fun, and likes some swing music, especially, I Can't Get Started and Sweet Georgia Brown when played by her fav- orite English orchestra. But of all things she hates jitterbugs. The war situation, which has had an effect on Lucy's life, has convinced her that the English people are a marvelous nation. She admires their pluck and their sophistication in spite of their bombed homes and devastated country. As for Allied propaganda, she thinks it is a good thing. We need more of it to wake us up to the situa- tion. Lucy thinks that it is a relief to be in a country where a man can raise his hand in a friendly gesture rather than a stiff salute. Lucy is enjoying her studies in bacteriology here at the University but thinks the women's hours are extremely foolish and wishes that there were more mature men on campus-not that she doesn't like to date, however. Working Through College (Continued From Page 5.) follow. He said: "Can I come inside". "It's too late", she replied, "we've only got a few minutes". She looked at him pleadingly for a moment. He put his arm around her, "I'm sorry I acted the way I did tonight". She looked up at him, "You know what I want you to do . . . " He dug his hand into his pocket, while she took something out of the glove compartment on the dashboard. "Fifteen cents is right", she said, taking the money. "And here's your copy. Goodnight! Thanks for the lovely evening". He turned on the ignition savagely, and cursed angrily under his breath. This was his last date with a Showme Salesgirl, he vowed solemnly. * Let me off at the next stop, conductor. I thought this was a lunch wagon. * A Texas boy, for want of an ox, yoked him- self to a steer for plowing. The steer ran away and consequently the boy had to run too. Shortly they came to the village, and as they went tear- ing down the street, the boy shouted, "Here we come--darn our fool souls! Somebody head us off!" OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF MARCH ! THE LONG-AWAITED CAMPUS QUEEN ISSUE OF THE MISSOURI SHOWME . . With features by the nation's top- flight cartoonists drawn exclusive- ly for Showme Showme's own selection for Campus Queen How to Be a Queen in 10 Easy Lessons Jayshow Pictures Kandid Kweens and Candied Queens Extra! How Stephensusies spend their time Jumbles, the Jolly Christian Junior, makes her Showme debut And . . . . the usual bang-up feat- ures including Showme Show, In- formation Puleeze and About Towner COMMUNIST AGITATOR INSTRUCTS A FRIEND -- Pete Aids The Party -- Dear Comrade: That's the way I will have to address you now, Bill, because that's what all the top shots in this business call the rest of the gang. I am awful glad you are go- ing for this Communist stuff be- cause I think that when you get the hang of it we can work to- gether and pick up a nice piece of change for ourselves. Since I have been on the inside and got the real lowdown, I can see all kinds of chances to move into some pretty sweet rackets-pol- itics, unions, the government and all kinds of things. The first thing you have to do, Bill-I mean COMRADE- is to quit calling that guy Smith the Old Man. I remember you used to call him the Skipper- that's out too. From now on he's one of THE BOSSES or, better yet, a GREEDY TORY or a DIR- TY CAPITALIST. I'm not sure just what this Tory business means, but it sounds swell and makes a big hit with the rest of the fellows. That' reminds me, whenever you call these birds names al- ways use CAPITALS. It's very impressive. The next thing you've got to do is to work up a swell HATE. HATE is the secret of success if you want to be a good Com- munist. HATE everybody and ev- erything. It may be hard at first because you told me Smith gives you good dough and treats your gang O.K., but you've got to for- get all that. Just think of some guy that you hate worst of all in the world, the guy you would like to rip in pieces and throw in the middle of the ocean. Then imagine that everybody you have to work for is that guy. Unless you get to be pretty good at this HATE business and can make other people HATE with you, you might as well forget about mak- ing a success in the party. And I forgot to tell you, that's what we call ourselves-THE PARTY. HATE everything, especially your employer-I mean THE BOSSES --THE AMERICAN FLAG-THE GOVERNMENT - every guy 18 "Aw have a heart, Chancellor." that's got anything-THE COPS --and pretty much everybody who tries to get in your way and cramp your style. That's about all for this let- ter except to tell you that you've got to stop being so friendly with that COP you guys at the club play pinochle with. Remem- ber, he's a COSSACK. Every COP you see is a COSSACK and a SWORN ENEMY OF THE WORKING MAN. You can dig up some pretty good names for these fellows yourself - like RUTHLESS KILLERS AND HIR- ED ASSASSINS. Well, I guess that's about all, COMRADE, for this time. I'm sending you some books and pamphlets that will give you a lot of dope on this racket. Keep it low, the stuff is hot. Yours for the CAUSE, Pete. -The Crusader Then there was the man who named his three dogs Rover, Towser and Paderewski. He nam- ed the latter Paderewski be- cause he was the pianist of the bunch. Paul Revere is the greatest hero the world has ever known -he told his wife he spent the night with his horse and she be- lieved it. McAllister's Dress Shop Dies' All-Un-American Team . Selections Here it is at last-the Showme's selec- tion for an all-un-American team for Mar- tin Dies and his bogey men. After consid- erable research at the movies, reading Hearst papers, and listening to Walter Win- chell, we have chosen the imposing 11 you see below. In addition to our exten- sive research we placed a ballot box in a strategic campus location. So as the result of the good old vox populi here is the fifth column gang. H.R. Mueller Florist DALTON'S Scene on Campus THE little lady has always wanted to be the center of attention so she's chosen her escorts not for their personality as much as for their contrasting dress. They both have good taste, though; one look at the girl confirms that opinion. The sport outfit on the pipe- smoker consists of a three-buttoned notched lapel jacket with long side vents in a hounds tooth pattern of brown, beige and red. Gray flannel slacks and a low crown, wide snap brimmed hat complete the com- bination. * Escort two, but not necessarily in that order in her affections, is wearing a single-breasted suit with a blue oversquare pattern on a shetland background. * The senior walking down the street feels very chip- per in his new camels hair overcoat. Dressed as he is and with a pack of Life Savers in his pocket, he's quite confident he'll get a girl all for himself. * Accessories are very important. If you don't think so, try going without them some day. Always popular is the candy striped broadcloth shirt with a striped faille necktie. Anklets, short socks with elastic tops, are designed especially for those allergic to garters. The interlocked metal ring belt with leather buckle is ideal for sports wear. If you begin to put on weight, all you have to do is add a ring from your looseleaf book. CONGRATULATIONS. * The cartoons on this page were selected as the best of the current crop appearing in contemporary college magazines. First Place C. PHINIZY Harvard Lampoon * Second Place GEORGE HORN Penn State Froth Third Place ROGER A. TAMBELLA Lehigh Bachelor "Pedicure, son!" "Lesh take a taxi, you can't fix it." Photosketch. RUSS BRIGHT, Missouri Student sports editor and Showme circulation and promotion manager, gives his car the once-over, before he goes out to track down his thirty-odd Showme salesgirls. One of the busiest men on campus, Russ Bright, pictured above without one of his usual Hollywood sport shirts, divides his time-when he has any-between Student and Showme of- fices, and Brewer Field House where he is current- ly broadjumping on the varsity track team . . . A Sigma Delta Chi, hailing from Los Angeles . . . A walking encyclopedia of track and field, having at his fingertips every record made since the Greeks started the idea . . . Goes for Dick Jurgens' music, and had a number dedicated to him when the band played here recently. Likes chocolate ice cream and gardenias, but not together . . . Has a secret passion back in L. A. . Wants to go to Hawaii after gradua- tion in June, to lie in the sun and give a course in H & P to the Wahines . . . Has a story in this issue on Missouri track immortals . . . shuns ov- ercoats as "anti-social" . . . Came to MU after two years at USC . . . Has worked mob scene parts in three movies . . Favorite sports include skiing, badminton, acquaplaning and bowling. Showme Show (Continued From Page 9.) BRIGHT, a glamour gal of last semester, came back into her own and made a few of the spots during recent furlough, escorted by the ever- faithful HELM DAVIDSON . . . BUBBLES was really in her own during the melee out at the Pen- nant . . . if a lassie has decided to cast the bread on the waters and entrust her future to ONE suitor, alot of people would be happier if she'd come right out and admit it . . . so why don't you, WINNIE WISE? . . . if this column had to select a girl who best knew how to handle clothes, our choice would be JOAN MURCHISON . . JOAN would even know how to do justice to a sarong . . . closing note of a never-to-be- forgotten party season: CHARLEY DIGGES, who has seen Columbia let down its hair for about ten years, standing in front of the Pennant late one Saturday night, with glasses clicking and lassies laughing on the inside . . . and saying: "Boy, I haven't seen anything like this since the old days!" . . . who knows, we may be in for a swing back to the era of Missouri's existence as a real country club . . . but the folks who have seen a better decade unfold are hoping the other way . . . and this column is hoping with them! Star-Journal Publishing Co. CAMPUS BARBER SHOP Where to Go! . News of the Movies . . . Entertainment . . . and . Now that you're all REALLY GO- ING TO STUDY NEXT SEMESTER -there are several movies that you just must see as part of your ed- ucation. Frinstance, you can well realize the potential educative val- ule of COME LIVE WITH ME, with HEDY LAMARR as teacher and bashful JIMMY STEWART as learn- er. MICKEY ROONEY'S back again, with a new female lead, and the regular family in ANDY HARDY'S PRIVATE SECRETARY-I think you'll like her. For a good live adventure, take in HUDSON'S BAY, played by PAUL MUNI, GENE TI- ERNEY. I think we'll be glad to hear that Ann Southern, as MAISE in MAISE WAS A LADY, is back in full swing again-fellow entertain- ers in this rollic are LEW AYRES and Maureen O'SULLIVAN . . . One of the next on the list is DR. KILDARE GOES HOME, with LEW AYRES and that good old bird we all like for his excellent character- izations, LIONEL BARRYMORE. There's a batch of good "pitchers" this month-best I jes mention a string of 'em; ROAD TO RIO, in technicolor, the two in love being ALICE FAYE & lover boy DON AMECHE; WESTERN UNION, he- manned by RANDOLPH SCOTT and BOB YOUNG; ROBERT TAYLOR, and MAUREEN O'SULLIVAN in BILLY THE KID; and a full length feature around ORRIN TUCKER'S orchestra, YOU'RE THE ONE; al- so coming are STREET OF MEMOR- IES, with Lynn ROBERTS, and John THE NEW CORONADO, McGUIRE; NIGHT TRAIN, robbed and saved by the combined efforts of Margaret LOCKWOOD and Rex HARRISON. One of the best of the month is taken from the currently popular stage play of the same name- PHILADELPHIA LADY, with KATHERINE HEPBURN, CARY GRANT, and JAMES STEWART. The idea is satire on the picture magazines and with such as Hep- burn in it is really is rare for the roars. I really mean it when I say "DON'T MISS IT." Tommy Dorsey's program, FAME AND FORTUNE, you can hear it on Thursday, has produced and is producing hits quite regularly. One of the best sellouts to date is YOU MIGHT HAVE BELONGED TO AN- OTHER, which T. D. himself has immortalized. A couple of those FAME & FORTUNE jobs that are on the way to ringing the bell go by the names of WE DON'T NEED THE MOON, and IT'S ALL SO NEW TO ME. Sammy Kaye does a couple of new ones up in his own inimitable style-it's Victor No. 27262, for a good listen to SIDEWALK SEREN- ADE and UNTIL TOMORROW. One of Miller's best this month (besides IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME NOW) is PRAIRIELAND LULLA- BY, a mood which Eberle paints smoothly. He sure has the old 1, 2 tumble 'em technique in his voice. Also sold out this week, Larry Clintons MOONLIGHT AND TEARS. I was lucky and got the last copy of that real "stuffy" Una May Car- lisle session, U MADE ME . . LOVE YOU, Bluebird 10898, and on the other side she gives us IF I HAD YOU. The BMI-ASCAP feud is still on but it looks nearer to a solution since BMI has agreed to stop its monopolistic practices as soon as ASCAP does. If the latter doesn't, Uncle Sam will sue. I don't know whether this will help any but Rep Myers of Penn. introduced a re- sultion in the HOUSE a couple of weeks ago calling for a complete Congressional investigation of the situation. However inconvenient the war may seem, good will eventually come of it-new writers will be given a better market, and the old ones booted out of their ruts, and the public and a song writing industry will benefit. Letters that the radio stations receive since the beginning of the fight (which are surprisingly small) and since the ASCAP ON PARADE program start- ing Jan.25, have been about evenly divided. People think record sales of ASCAP will benefit-while the truth is that at present 71% of re- quests, radio, record, and music, are BMI. One writer said what a relief it was to get some of the old tunes. " Don't hurry about rein- stating the other music. We are running our radio far more hours now because we like the change". At present 160 radio sta- tions outside the networks are li- censed to play the Ascap tunes on a commercial basis-some 40 others on a non-commercial setup. BMI is using 680 outlets today. One or two in a thousand of the tunes that are submitted every day to BMI are ever usable. When AS- CAP tunes can again be played on the air, time will determine the wisdom of the BMI choices. I think most of us will stick with them. That man Goodman is here again -with a band as good if not bet- ter than the old and wonderful com- bo. You can hear I'M ALWAYS CHASING RAINBOWS on the juke at Harris's - and on tother side, HARD TO GET, a little on the jam dirt side (No. 35916). Also, on Columbia No. 35863, is a beautiful arrangement of FRENESI, HARRIS CAFE What to Do! . . Dancing In and Around Columbia . -By Round Towner unforgettably done-he is using 5 saxes (one of them Georgie Auld who was in the original Goodman whallopers and has come on through Shaw and Savitt crews back home again). On the other side of this is SOMEBODY STOLE MY GAL- besides Benny's good blowin' you'll hear some of Cootie Williams hot trumpet, he was with The Duke Ellington for a long time. Fletch Henderson still arranges and iv- ories. Tony Pastor, the most promising up and comer, does a sure hit, PAR- ADIDDLE JOE, Bluebird 11008 (a BMI rumba, ADOIS is on the back, If you haven't heard Art Shaw's new band and new CONCERTO FOR CLARINET, be sure and do -both superlative sides of it. Shaw has a new one of STARDUST that is much likable. I'm told by a few that KEMP has a good new album -but it can't be kept in stock here long enough for me to hear it. For some sad and nostalgic mo- ments, the incomparable Ella Fitz- gerald has grooved a Decca of LOUISVILLE, KY, sided with TEA DANCE featuring a good bit of un- usual trumpet and clarinet work. If you're a Hal Kempster, you'll like this sweet dreamer TALKIN' TO MY HEART, with a bit of IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME NOW on the other side of this Victor No. 27255. It was one of the last he cut before the fatal auto wreck. Few men in music have been as mourned as Hal-he'll add pleas- ant harmonies to the music of the spheres. One of the best vocal rhy- thm arrangements I've heard in months past comes from the house of Columbia, done up by no other than Jimmy Lunceford . . . RED WAGON is on the top side, but is slightly overshadowed by the Dand- ridge Sisters on tother with YOU AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE. YOU GOT ME THIS WAY gets right neat treatment from Miller as does I'D KNOW YOU ANYWHERE, both on Bluebird 10906. Johnnie Long, one of the regular bands at the Rose- land in N. Y. has adopted WHITE STAR of SIGMA NU as his un-AS CAP theme song, he being one of the snake clan. Have you heard the current rage of the Kappa house-it's WHEN THE QUAIL COME BACK TO SAN QUENTIN. Shame it isn't a vocal. On the other side of this master- piece is DR. LIVINGSTONE, I PRESUME. Both of them are done by Art Shaw's wonderful Gramercy Five, guitar, bass, trumpet, la Shaw, &, what adds the zest to the out- fit, a harpsichord. Next month we'll probably have a big contest - so keep up on your musical knowledge. Missouri and Hall Theatres GOLDEN CAMPUS RADIO ELECTRIC SHOP "We want a girl to sell kisses at the bazaar. Have you had any experience?" "I went to K. U." "Sorry, I said kisses." "Do you owe any back house rent?" "We ain't got no back house. We got modern plumbing." Law prof (at registration) "So you're a pre-legal, eh?" Student: "Like hell. I'm the youngest in our family." Little Audrey and her boy friend were sitting on the sofa when the boy remarked that it was so dark that he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. Little Audrey laughed and laugh- ed because she knew his hand wasn't in front of his face. Little Jasper trembled with excitement. Such a project had never occurred before. "I'll go alone. I'm not afraid, Mother. You've nursed me thru childhood, and I'll never forget it! I'm something of a man now. Yes sir, one of the seething mass called youth. And what's more I'm game. I don't need your help as I once did. Cripes, Mom, don't cry. We men gotta stick together. I won't be long-just wait." Little Jasper's face beamed as he pushed open the door to the Men's Room. "Is that a real bloodhound over there?" "Yes 'Mam. Come over here and bleed for the lady, Rover. Dorn-Cloney Laundry and Dry Cleaning Co. Miller's Superior Shoes Columbia Laundry THE DROP INN CAFE Hotel Continental Is Jitterbugging on the Wane? (Continued From Page 11.) our favorite swing music off the air may be giv- ing this new dance trend a boost, too. The re- vival of old-favorite music sets feet shuffling in old-fashioned time. "These dances grew up with America," Mr. Lovett said. "The old, fine traditions will always be kept alive. Jitterbugging?-It either marks you as a high-schooler or a back number!" We point with pride to the purity of the white space between our jokes. * Many a man has made a monkey out of him- self by reaching for the wrong limb. * Imagine the surprise of Pansy, the cham- bermaid, when somebody told her it takes 45 minutes to empty the Hollywood Bowl. Grace Larson 1500 Broadway. Columbia, Mo. Life saver contest winner for February: When Noah sailed the ocean blue He had his troubles same as you. For forty days he drove the ark Until he found a place to park. 27 Izzy: "Vere's my spectacles?" Abie: "On der nose." Izzy: "Don't be so indefinite." -Drexerd. When spring is here I like to roam The field and make the woods my home. I like to jump and run about And gambol in the water spout. I'd sing my joy with gurgles and glugs If it weren't for those gosh darned bugs. Gnats, mosquitoes, junebugs, flies, Bees, ants, caterpillers, centi- pedes, Spiders, dragonflies, water bugs, Who squirm, twist, crawl, slither, climb, Bite, buzz, sting, wriggle, slide, zigzag Up and down my legs, arms, spine, etc. And itch like hell. -Exchange * Under the spreading mistletoe The homely co-ed stood, And stood and stood and stood and stood And stood and stood and stood -Pup Tent * "If a canary refuses to use his bird bath, try sprinkling a little sand in the bottom of the bath before filling with water. The bird's refusal is often due to a slippery bottom." Plainfield Courier-News Why not buy the poor thing a pair of pants. -Columbia Jester Joe: "He dabbles in oil a bit." Jim: "An artist?" Joe: "No, an auto mechanic." * "Up and atom," cried the molecule. 28 Peggy: "She is a picture of health." Jane: "Yes, remarkably well painted." Street car conductor: "Your fare, lady." Old Maid: "Oh, Thank you." She: "These short skirts are an optical illusion." He: "Zatso?" She: "Yes. They make the men look longer." MEN ONLY READ THIS Out of ninety thousand wo- men there will be ninety eight thousand, nine hundred and ninety-four who will read this. The other six will be blind. "Wine, Women and Song," is the fitting title for this pictorial fantasy snapped during the long hours of exam week last month. PHILLIPS and CO. The Jacqueline Shop Lucky Strike Cigarettes