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Missouri Showme March, 1941; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1941

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Missouri Showme March 1941 15 cents Suzanne's No mention of queens would be complete without the mother of all queens-Greece's glorious gift to the world-Venus of Milo. 0 OFF THE EDITORIAL CHEST Well, here it is guys and galses, your long-awaited Queen Issue, and we can assure you that no reputations were spared in the digging up of gossip (that malicious thing!) and the snap- ping of our queens un(der)- awa res. You know, it's a funny thing, the other day our snooping re- porter, Stoop, was scooping when he happened to trip over one of the fairer sex that inhabits the jelly-joints hereabouts. Sniffling with his nose for news, and thinking an interview might be fit to print in this issue, he clev- erly asked, "Which would you desire most in your husband: brains, wealth, or appearance?" The co-ed blushed a la Steph- ens, smiled sweetly showing both teeth, and coyly simpered, "Appearance . . . and the soon- er the better!" There you have it! That is what we had to work with. However, the staff staggered on, and has at last put this issue at your mercy. We feel con- fident that if this magazine is a success, we owe all credit and thanks to our godfather, J. V. Connolly, and to the illustrious illustrators of King Features Syndicate. The Defense Rests. -E. H. s4 BILL FREEHOFF Editor KEITH EMENEGGER Business Manager ERNIE HUETER Associate Editor ADVERTISING Russ Bright Leonard Cohen PROMOTION & CIRCULATION Russ Bright, Manager Irv Farbman SHOWME SALESGIRLS Blair Panky, Sue Weiss, June Nowot- ny, Jan Donnelly, Suzanne McDonald, Alice Rowly, Page Simrall, Frances Tay- lor, Margaret Oberfell, Kay Hendry, Madeline Mann, Detty Baker, Peg Say- ward, Nancy Graham, Virginia Page, Jeanne Middlebrook, Betty Kent, Mar- jorie Blum, Mildred Fenner, Jeanne Mering, Emmy Lou Russell, Dorothy Love, Betty Donaldson, Ernestine Bal- lard, Betty Chester, Judy Price, Jean Dunn, June Smith, Betty Wood. COLUMNISTS Jim Moseley Larry Schulenberg Leonard Cohen CONTRIBUTORS Charlie Barnard Joanne Boeshaar Ernie Hueter Bob Deindorfer ART STAFF Chuck Kufferman -------- Art Editor Walt Johnson C. V. Wells Art McQuiddy Jim Moseley PHOTOGRAPHY Herb Foster Winnie Wise Glen Hensley Norman Pearlstein Herb (ross Bill Leimert EXCHANGES Gar Pagett Ernie Hueter Al Lowenstein SECRETARIAL Charlotte King Dorothy Steinhieber Kay Hendry latty Lockridge loanne Boeshaar ADVISORY BOARD Darwin Flanigan Don Delaney Walt Johnson Godfather --------- Joseph V. Connolly ODD JOBBERS Art Rubin Joe Stone Vol. X March, 1941 No. 7 0 STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP The Missouri Showme is published monthly except during July and August by the Missouri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi, national professional journalism fraternity, as the official humor and literary publication of the University of Missouri. Price: $1.00 per year; 15c the single copy. Copyright 1941 by Mis- souri chapter of Sigma Delta Chi; original contents not to be reprinted without permission. Permission given all recognized exchanging college pub- lications. Editorial and Business offices, Room 13, Walter Williams Hall; office of publication, Star-Journal Publishing Co., Warrensburg, Mo. Not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts; postage must be enclosed for return. What's Inside Showme's Own Campus Queen Selection . . . . 2, 3 Doomed Reunion . . . 4 A gripping story that will leave you with that funny feeling in your tummy. The Candied Camera . . . 5 A few random pix of some of Mizzou's glammer gals. Just Keep Staring . . . . . 6 E. Simms Campbell's idea of life at Old M. U. The Inside, Dope . . . 7 Some pixillated pix of kandid kweens. How to Become a Queen . . 8 C. V. Wells tells all. Stephens Survey . . . 11 How the Susies spend their time. Showme Show . . . . 13 WOW! Her Majesty, The Campus Queen . . . .14 George McManus, Jiggs creator. More Cartoons on Campus Queens . . . . . . . 19 Other King Features ace artists. Information Puleeze . . . . 20 The boys get some hot dope on campus cuties. Where to Go . . . . 26, 27 Cosmo Round Towner tells all again. Mr. M. U. Meets His Christian College Cutie . . . . . 28 By a couple who should know. 0 . 0 "Give me a chicken salad", said a man in a suburban res- taurant. "Do you want the forty cent one or the fifty cent one?" ask- ed the waitress. "What's the difference?" "The forty cent ones are made of veal and pork, and the fifty cent ones are made of tuna." -Old Maid 1 Sue the Showme Sue, SHOWME's choice embodies all the faculties of the typical campus queen . artificial eye- lashes . . . . wig . . . . pointed puss . . . . and lovely clothes . also . . . same cranial capacity and contents. Queen. PHOTOS BY WESTHOFF Sue is shown with regal, reserved, John Walter Coventry Dick-Peddie, SGA Dance Chairman . . . This is one of the more serious moments in Sue's life and one more of the Sues in Jack's. Reading semi-circularly from left to right, we find "Shavey" Johnson, Sig infant; Harry Belt- siz, SGA roue'; Bill Becket, Sig senior; and "Geni- al Jim" Isham, admiring the charms of "Sue" . . .(Ed. note.-They're all waiting for the "snipe' 'in her hand.) From left to right . . . . Ish (pronounced Ey- esh), Sue, Jigger, James, and Shavey, chat about who will be SAVITAR queen and Sue knows what Ish is thinking. JIGGER, Sue, and Bill stroll down Lowry as the Tower looms in the background. Three has just struck and Becket and Jigger have a jelly sandwich with Sue. 3 By Doomed Reunion Charlie Barnard Their's had been the perfect romance. As juniors and then seniors, we, their classmates, had looked on them as examples of complete happiness. Max was tall and blond, with a firm jaw, a pleasant smile, and pierc- ing, defiant eyes. Jane was his mate; blonde, vivacious-truly beautiful. It was a May night of their senior year that they announced their engagement, and, until June, Jane was the proud wearer of his Greek letters. I say until June, because it was then she gave them back. Nobody really knew why, but I like to think that I knew a little more than most of those who were so gen- erous with their speculations, be- cause, you see, Max was my roomate. He ranked his class in med school, and was impatient to go on to research. Jane had been a home ec. major, and she too was anxious to put her knowl- edge to the advantage of their home - her's and Max's. But their home was never to be. Maybe he was selfish, may- be she-maybe both of them. It was just that to Max his four years of hard work must begin to net him something very tang- ible before he was willing to be- gin building a home and family. To Jane this meant separation; something that she perhaps dared not face. Whether they quarreled, or merely reached an agreement, I do not know. What I do know is that really they were both bitter and heartbroken; I know, because I talked to them both. * * * * Max's father was a director of a rubber plantation in Saigon, French Indo-China. Through his dad, he secured permission to go to the plantation and study a rare form of leprosy in which the victim was supposed to be completely insensible to either 4 heat or cold-even in their ex- tremes. Jane spent the summer with her folks. I never saw or heard from either of them ex- cept for one long-delayed letter from Max, in which he describ- ed to me the conditions under which he was living and the peculiarities of the disease he was studying. It was over a year later, at Homecoming in November, that I saw them together again. I shall never forget that meeting. We had sort of a class re- union at the house, and Max and I and many others of the old gang were there to stir poignant memories. It was at the dance that night that they met. Jane's date was some well- meaning soul who had always admired her from afar, but who never before had had more than the opportunity of saying "Hello Jane" as they had passed in the halls between classes. Max came stag, and late as well. He had had dinner with some old cronies. Should he have known that Jane was to have been at the house that night, I doubt that he would have return- ed at all-but he did. I saw him, a big blond giant, as he stood in the doorway, im- maculate in his full dress. The music was loud and good. Jane had seemed extremely merry all evening despite her presence in surroundings that could not help but throw a thousand memories at her head. I dreaded the scene, should they meet, and vainly I tried to reach Max before he spotted her, but I couldn't. I saw his face change color, and then noticed his efforts to regain his usual poise. Slowly he edged between the dancers until he reached her. I suppose that to him at that moment she might have been dancing by herself, for I'm sure he never even noticed the dumb- struck Homer. None of my words could ever depict her look of amazement. I don't think they even spoke; they just walked into the next room and sat down - one op- posite the other. Over the noise of the band I listened. Most of what they said was perfunctory, and uttered in halting, almost embarassed phrases. He crossed his legs, more as something to do than anything else, and asked, "How have you been, Jane?" Her response was formal, but I knew that she didn't want it that way. "I've been well Max. Tell me, how is your work com- ing along?" Glad of the introduction of something about which he could talk without too much effort, Max lighted a cigarette and smiled as he said, "Oh, it's been coming along fine, Jane, fine. In the past several months I have acquired an entirely new angle on the disease. I'm sure that I have something quite definite on which to work now." I imagined how she wished that he would take her in his arms and tell her that he still loved her; and I saw the despair in her eyes as she realized that somehow something had come between them - some insur- mountable barrier that separated their worlds. I had just turned to end my eavesdropping when I was stop- ped by Jane's scream. I turned to see on her face an expression of complete horror. She was star- ing at Max, her beautiful hands thrown before her face as if to protect herself from something unseen. But it was not unseen, for I saw it too. His cigarette had burned low and the hot ashes were charring the flesh between the fingers with which he held it. He sat there-not feeling it -and laughed. # The Candied Camera. "Frannie" Fontaine, Kappa Alpha Theta. Queen of Mizzou's 1941 Pan-Hel Dance. -Photo by Julie's. Eva Lee Grugett Hendrix Hall -Photo by Westhoff. Dorothy Means Kappa Alpha Theta -Photo by Westhoff. * * * . you've seen them this way a million times, so for the sake of comparison we show them in this light again . . . . don't forget . . . these are "candied" shots . . . . not candid. Jean Dodds Kappa Kappa Gamma -Photo by Westhoff. Margaret Young Alpha Chi Omega -Photo by Westhoff. Jane McQueen Pi Beta Phi -Photo by Westhoff. 5 "JUST KEEP STARING RIGHT BACK. DONT LET THEM STARE US DOWN!" 6 THE INSIDE, DOPE Mary Carr reclined to pose for us. H'lo Birky "Avast below!" Ah--ah, Arlene. One at a time! And so he took me in his arms. You brush me and I'll brush you. A couple of Queens from Kan- sas City-Jane and Betty Mc- Queen. Why Vaughn! drinking again! The tale of two sissies. O.K., Corrigan, O.K.! 7 HOW TO BECOME A Campus QUEEN! By C. V. WELLS Our heroine is a simple country lass as you can plainly see . . . name of Myrtle Scraggleweed. Pure as the driven snow, the virgin-belle of Pottsville High re- ceives a catalog from Missouri U. urging her to attend college. (any resemblance between Myrtle and the cow is purely intentional).) And so to college where Myrtle joins a leading so- rority. We see her calculating how many bales of Papa's hay could be stored in her room at the sorority house. (Corny isn't it?) Myrtle learns to drink and smoke and associate with those who do. She visits those dens of iniquity known as jelly joints. The star-shaped spot on her shoulder is a birthmark-her mamma was frightened by a constable. Myrtle's hobby becomes collecting fraternity pins and she does well, too. Thru the doubtful cooperation of some departments we have been forced to delete step 5 in how to be Queen of the Campus. (The Queen) A HOT TIME After balancing the books, the brother found that they had exactly twenty-five dollars left. The president of the house suggested that they buy a fire extinguisher. The treasurer insisted that they buy a new deluxe clock. The idea of a new clock seemed to please everyone. So, after a vote was taken and the tabulations showed only one dis- senter, a committee was formed to purchase the clock. About a week after the clock had been installed, a fire broke out in the house during the middle of the night. As all the fraters rushed out, the president tapped the trea- surer on the shoulder, "I agree with you. The clock was the thing to get. Now, we can see what time the fire started and what time it will be out." * Frosh: I failed in everything but anthropology. Soph: How was that ? Frosh: I didn't take anthropology. * When better exams are made, they won't be passed. * She: Jim is boasting that he got a letter at college. He: That's right-a letter from the dean telling him to do more work or he'd be thrown out. * Soph: There's one of the most important men on the basketball team! Frosh: Who, that stout fellow? Soph: Yes, he blows up the basketballs. Dude: They tell me when I'm in a saddle, I'm a part of the horse. Cowgirl: Yes, but they didn't tell you which part. Life Savers FREE! A BOX OF LIFE SAVERS FOR THE BEST WISECRACK! What is the best joke that you heard on the campus this week? Send it to your editor. You may wisecrack yourself into a free prize box of Life Savers! For the best gag submitted each month by one of the students, there will be a free award of an attractive cello- phane-wrapped assortment of all the Life Saver flavors. Jokes will be judged by the editors of this publication. The right to publish any or all jokes is reserved. Decisions of the editors will be final. The winning wisecrack will be published the following month along with the lucky win- ner's name. She: What is your professor's research work? Frater: Looking for his spectacles, mainly. * Soph: I never could see why they always call a boat "she." Senior: I can see that you've never tried to steer one. * Soph: Was your father a college man? Frosh: Yes, but we never mention it. The college he went to had a rotten football team. Sir Walter Raleigh Tobacco TEN DISLIKES OF AN EDITOR 1. Traveling salesman jokes. 2. "Who was that woman I saw you with" jokes. 3. Parodies on "Trees." 4. Suggestion for cartoons usually presented like this, "Oh, have I got an idea for a cartoon if only someone will draw it." 5. Staff members who sit at their desks and put their feet on it. 6. Puns. 7. The editor of the newspaper. ~8. A business staff that never gets any ads. 9. Deadline. 10.A guy who has the nerve to write junk like this to fill up space. "I wonder what makes him so high strung?" "He inherits that from his grand- father. He was a horse thief." * "I'm going to buy a book." "A book?" "Yes, my mother sent me the most adorable reading lamp yesterday." Landlady: If you don't pay your rent, I want your room. Student: Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't like it here. "Wasting A Week" An Official Stephens College Survey. . . . 9 hours to eating; . . . 2 hours to organized campus activities; . . .2.5 hours, non-productive; . . . 3.5 hours to recreation Ire Survey Shows 24.5 Weekly Study Average; our Seniors Work More, Juniors in Class Longer our r To determine the value of a col- lege education and just what the Stephens Susie gets out of it, Ste- phens College has recently compl- eted a survey showing the time Susie spends in one union week. The results give us some ide of the various techniques and methods used to "Wkste a Week at Stephens." As the Stephens lassie grows old- er her interests grow too. The ac- adems spend most of their time jellying, shopping loafing and dat- ing. The juniors spend their time eating and tending to personal du- ties. By the time they are seniors they study more, participate in or- ganized activities and work for pay. Yet no matter how they spend their time it mustn't be forgotten that they spend most of their time sleep- ing, sixty full hours in bed! . . . 8 hours loafing; . 5 hours to cultural programs; . . . 2 hours to extro-curricular activities; . 16.5 hours to personal duties; 11 Showme Show What was probably the biggest party in a long time hit this campus right after the start of the new semester . . . starting off as a mild sort of "get-together" at RALPH McFARRON'S apartment, and winding up as a five-star Hennes- sey whooper-dooper . . "WEEPER" KREILING, leaving school after a heroic but futile attempt to graduate, brought SALLY COOPER, and DUN- CAN, KLEIN, DAVIDSON, and others of the old guard were on hand . . . . as the evening pro- gressed someone turned traitor and turned in a false fire alarm . . .result: amazed firemen, ready to rush into an inferno-like building, looked on with open mouths as couple after couple rushed from a perfectly harmless edifice . . . only to look sheepishly at each other and the law as they realized the ruse . . . meanwhile, neighbors had gathered from far and near . . . one of them being TATIE TAYLOR, smiling Kappa pledge . . . she crept quietly up behind BILL SHOCKLEY, as that young man was in the act of convincing the law that the occasion had been one of simple amusements, and then blurted out: "What's that you're hiding in your coat pocket, Willie?" . . . problem: you guess what WILLIE was hiding! . . . the socialites of the law school, COLLINS, SKELLY, etc., got together out on Highway 63 at ye old Fair Oaks last week, and the hilarity lasted until the wee hours of the morning . . . veddy exclusive, and all that sort of thing, with only Tate Hall devotees being admitted to the sanctum of Bacchus . . . . there's a demand for gossip, so here's some short order items: BILL DE SANDERS and SHAVY JOHNSON seem to be having an old-fashioned tug-of-war over HELEN BARNES, who is amused at the whole thing . . . just to keep this eternal triangle theme alive on the campus, KARL BERRY and JIM LORENZ, both Kappa Sigs, are going at it hammer and tongs to win the favors of GINNIE BROWNING . . . THAD HADDEN, who wooed GINNIE BELL in the days before that lovely became the titular head of K. K. G., may give in to his stock of memories and wander back to the Kappa lodge, although little JANE MARS, who lives across the street from GINNIE in the you-know-what house, is waging a valiant battle . . . DICK GALE, the former football player who tired of being the PITCHER'S understudy, wasted no time in secur- ing a heart interest after his return to the campus: ANN BROWN . MARY HELMSTETTER set some kind of a record for long-distance suitors last weekend . . . LESTER MEYER, who collab- orated on the J-Show script, came all the way from St. Louis to see her . . . the next day her true love from Illinois U. popped in, traveling over 250 miles to make connections in Columbia . .and all the while the ever-devoted HANK LINSCOTT, Sigma Chi prexy, and CHARLIE ROSS, Fiji, were sitting quietly on the sidelines, patient- ly hoping that the invaders would clear out in a hurry . . . when FRANNIE FONTAINE won the Pan-Hel queenship, a line of sorority sisters for- med to bestow customary congratulatory kisses LEE CASS, who is the man in FAN- NIE'S life, smuggled himself into the line and came up out of nowhere demanding a chance at "congratulations" . . FRANNIE said "no" . . VIC LUNDEMO came a long way to see MARY DOBBIN a few weeks ago, and people smiled at the long-expected reunion . . . but what most people don't know is that MARY put out VIC'S Sigma Nu pin at a small party in Kan- sas City shortly thereafter . . BUD BARNES, the boy with the big stick in the Big Caucus here- abouts, called EMMY LOU RUSSELL, vivacious D. G., the other night, and for all Mr. Barnes' illustrious political connections, got the well- known hang-up game played on him . . . some of his brothers, suspecting that something of the sort was bound to happen, stood around waiting to give the SENATOR the horse-laugh . . . so the wise old boss carried on an imaginary conversa- tion for five minutes . . . sorry to have to expose such a clever gag, BUD . . . ELLEN HART, who used to pal around with JIMMY STARMER, came in quite a bit after sorority closing hours the other Saturday night . . . and there were FIVE very good reasons, all Sigma Nus . . . CHRIS WOODSON, Phi Delt pledge, rated date bids to both the Pi Phi and Kappa mid-year formals. B. J. SMITH, just in from Kansas City, drug CHRIS to one party and TONI STANLEY made the new semester a complete success for MASTER WOOD- SON, by demanding his presence at the other . . . JOHN GUNN, HIP POTTER, and BILL KREILING, all on this campus so long that they carried about as much authority as Jesse Wrench, grad- uted from law school at mid-semester (at least two of 'em did) . . . they started for Kansas City, wound up at Fayette, decided to party up a bit, and haven't been heard from since . . . why is it that two years in a row the University sched- uled a basketball game on the night of a Pan-Hel dance? . . . last year it was Washington U., whom the Tigers were out to beat after a St. Louis de- feat, and this year it was K. U., whom the Tigers are out to beat anywhere, anytime . . . a large sprinkling of tuxes and formals indicated that many couples just drifted right into the gym after the ball game . . . the crowd around the band stand was smaller than in recent years, and the consensus of opinion was that Savitt had the type of band that people like to listen to, but that he certainly was not running a beauty show . did you notice the "what'll-you-have" bar set up right around the coke stand? . . . bottles flashed in and out of the throng, and the coke department completely overwhelmed itself . . . oh, well, once a year we suppose the Greeks have it coming to them . . . despite this gala affair, the social season is experiencing a definite full . . . . this column hopes that the collection of mid-year parties coming up will brighten the M. U. social scene . . and folks, it DOES need brightening! 13 "So long. I gotta call an ambulance. Every time she crosses that corner, there's a smash-up!" HOW IT GETS AROUND "I just saw the most marvelous movie." "Oh, do you like the movies, too?" "Do I? I go at least four times a week." "So do I. Isn't it amazing how they can get so much talent in one place. Especially those adorable child ac- tors." "You know, of course, that Shir- ley Temple is a midget." "Is that so? I never knew that, but I did hear that Baby Sandy is bald." "Everybody knows that. Did you see Deanna Durbin's last picture? She doesn't look twenty-seven, does she?" "Those make-up men are wonders. A friend of mine drove through Hollywood last summer, and he got a close look at Hedy LaMarr. You know she's cross-eyed!" "The movie's sure can change your looks. Madelaine Carroll's face is just one blemish after another. Do you like Mickey Rooney?" "He talks poorly. But that's to be expected when you don't have a tooth left in your head and you have to wear an upper and lower plate." "Who doubles in the singing for Grace Moore?" "I don't know. Do you ever listen to the radio?" "Sure. Bing Crosby's swell, but did you know he wears a corset an - -" "I lost." FAMOUS CASES Brief case Vanity case Stair case Lower case Upper case Book case Pillow case Law case In case China case Filing case Suit case Violin case Strange case Tough case Hard case Whiskey case * "She certainly is a snob. Her nose is turned up so high she nearly drown- ed." "How was that?" "It rained into it." Cynthia: When you kissed him, it brought out the beast in him? Gwen: Yes-the jackass. "I'm sorry, but we won't have any hash until next week." Chesterfield Cigarettes THE MARK OF ZERO chances of not being called on to recite the next day. She knows she can't afford to cut class. 2She debates about picking up the magazine. (She's already looked it over five times.) Con- science wins. She finally picks up the text. She finds a letter from boy-friend marking place. She reads it again. She practically knows it by heart now. Starts to recite it.Wonders how well she can repeat it backwards. She decides the mind works better when the feet are free. Takes off her shoes. Gets side-tracked by hole in her sock. A stitch in time will take at least 9 minutes from studying. She decides to go back to work in earnest. She finds the floor more comfortable. Well, perhaps a pillow for her head would make things softer. She unzips her dress to release further strain. She removes her sweater and skirt to eliminate still more strain. Assumes a more comfortable position, and . . . well, how much can a human cram Into a brain in one evening ! Information Puleeze. -Leonard North Cohen-Herb Quincy Gross Questions: I. Do you think clothes make the women or women make the clothes--or which vice is versa? II. In the spring a young man's fancy turns to what girls have been thinking of all winter-what have you been thinking of? III. Why do students take blankets, when they go to the golf course? Mary ('ar Baby Jo Gilkinson Catherine Brodhage Irma Shriber Joan Murchison Answers: Mary Carr-Alpha Phi 1. It depends upon your interpretation of make. 2. MEN. 3. To make the rough a little softer. Baby Jo Gilkinson-Tri Delt 1. Clothes make the women . . . they do things for them. 2. Just having . . . fun-that's what I think of all the time. 3. They plan on doing some good with them. Catherine Brodhage-ADPi 1. Clothes reflect a women's personality . . .enough? 2. Putting up jam. 3. Maybe because the ground's cold. Irma Shriber-Ind. 1. Clothes make the woman . . . but vices help. 2. My first golf course date. 3. To cover the holes. Joan Murchison-Delta Gam 1. Women make the clothes . . . but it depends upon the wo- man. 2. Frankly . . .it hasn't been all studies, you can class me with the rest of the girls. 3. For effect, to drool and drink beer on . I'm not of a doubt- ing nature. Gloria Hunter-Hendrix 1. It works in both cases . . .which is a very profound answer. 2. Getting in a few spare moments. 3. To keep their golf clubs warm. Gwen Milder-AEPhi 1. Women are too busy making men to make clothes. 2. Convertibles, the Hinkson, polo matches. 3. A bed is too heavy to carry. Betty Boucher-PiPhi 1.Clothes make the woman . . . a gal dressed like a million dollars doesn't look like ten cents. 2. Some about studies, some about fun, but not mostly about men. 3. Because the ground is chilly . . . at least that's all I'll say. Sue Vaughn-D.G. 1. A woman has to have beautiful clothes to be beautiful, in- cluding Hedy. 2. A good time . . . MEN . . . What else can one think of? 3. I know why . . .but you think we women have some secrets? Dorothy Kell-Visiting N. U. Kappa Delta 1. Who cares . . . I'm from Northwestern. 2. Whatzamatter you got nose trouble bud? 3. To keep the sun out of their eyes. 20 Gloria Hunter Gwen Milder Betty Boucher Sue Vaughn Dorothy Kell Harzfeld's Clothes YOU SAID IT, KID! "A speaking knowledge of French is very essential now-a-days," said the French Professor. "Let us suppose that you are invited to a formal din- ner by some new friends. You are eager to create an impression and to appear at ease, well poised and at home in society. Could you make an intelligent answer if the dinner com- panion whom you had just met said: 'Entre-nous, I have been looking for- ward to meeting you vis-d-vis for a long time, for I hear that you are al- ways au courant with the latest books.' "This seems to be a very simple problem in conduct," continued the French Professor, "but what would you have done in the circumstance? The young man so addressed, I will admit, could very well feint with his left to get her guard down and then send a crashing right to her jaw. Or perhaps he might reply, 'What! On my time!' "Or, of course, he could take her in his arms and say, 'Little girl, I didn't know you cared.' "Still another excellent device," the professor went on, "might be for him to reply, 'No spika de English!' "Or there is the possibility of shift- ing the attack and capturing the of- fensive for yourself. You might sit down at the piano and play faultless- ly or quote some lines from Shake- speare and ask who wrote it, and after they have all given up, you could give them your answer as taken from Bart- lett's book of Famous Quotations. "But I," went on the French Pro- fessor, "would merely reply with a knowing leer, 'Cherchez la femme,' and let it go at that." "Leave it there, sonf That's how I met your mother." VERY FAIR WARNING When her fair heart you had won I'll bet you thought your work was done, Permit us a little laughter, If we tell you that hereafter You'll have to win it twice a day. And from the following array, Iceman, gasman, telephoneman, super, Who will keep you in a stupor. For as you are working, they are playing In the home for which you are paying. "Western Union wants us to merge with them." BIG BUSINESS The two confidence men toured the town with their prize sucker. Finally, they steered him into the railroad ter- minal, the busiest spot in the city. After allowing him to just stand and gaze at the teeming activity going on, they told him that they owned the place. The sucker admitted that they had a nice piece of property. "I'll tell you what," said one of the slickers. "We think you're an all right guy, and because we like every- thing about you, we'll be willing to sell you this thriving business for ten thousand dollars." The yokel looked around the huge building. "I'll give you my answer tomorrow. I must have twenty-four hours to think it over. I'll meet you here at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning." The next day at the appointed hour, the two confidence men hurried into the terminal. As they entered, they noted happily that their victim was already waiting for them. "Good morning, sir," chirped both slickers in unison. "Are you ready to close the deal?" The sucker's manner was very cold. "Not at all," he stated. "I've decided not to buy. Why, you fellows must take me for a sap." The two confidence men exchanged apprehensive glances. One of them finally summoned up enough courage to speak, "Say, you don't doubt that we own the place, do you?" The chump waved his hand. "I be- lieve you own it all right, but, I also know why you want to sell it. Too many people come in here without buying anything." * TURNABOUT I bought a stock the other day And it went the wrong way So now instad of reaping riches I am out digging ditches. * She: The man I marry must be a hero. He: Oh, you're not as bad as all that. "Well, we're all set. The beer is here. Gus is bringing the sandwiches on his bicycle later." VIRGINIA CAFE Photosketch. Meet Ernie Hueter-newly-promoted associate editor of SHOW- Me as well as humor writer extraordinary (and we DO mean ex- traordinary!) According to government description he is 5' 11 1/2" tall, blond, blue eyed-and white. He hails from San Francisco; but went to the New Mexico Military Institute for high school and junior college where he gained the impressive title, "Second Lieuten- ant, Cavalry Reserve". If he looks a bit care-worn some of these days,, it may be because of the double load he's carrying-when he graduates, he'll have both a Journalism and an Arts and Science degree. He is vice-president of the Beta Theta Pi pledge class, fresh- man cheer-leader, member of Tiger Claw, and one of the better journalistic Greeks, a Sigma Delta Chi. In his spare time-if any! -he likes to swim and ride horseback. In summer he "skins" boats, (for further information call 3306)-we think it has something to do with running and racing boats at summer resorts. Politely blushing, we asked what kind of girls he liked, and he answered quickly, "I'm all in favor of them. Don't know what the world would do without 'em!" Changing the subject we next came to: "Likes to eat- (Blank)?" Answer: "Yes!" You can see him most any time blitz- krieging from one Columbia bright-spot to another in his grey con- vertible; and when he says "I'll be there with bells on", he really means it. He'll tell you, though, that any day he'll gladly exchange the snow-covered mountains of Missouri for life on the sunny beaches of Cal- ifornia." (Plug No. 67493 California Chamber of Commerce.) * Her dress was tight--- She scarce could breathe She sneezed aloud And there stood Eve. * "Excuse me madam, but could I help it if you got between me and the spitoon?" Barth's Frozen Gold Ice Cream Cosmo ROUND Well, here we go again with another banner croup of mov- ies for this month . . . TOBAC- CO ROAD, after eight successful years on Broadway, comes to Columbia real soon with an ex- cellent cast . . .CHARLEY GRAPEWIN . . . Grampa in Grapes of Wrath . . plays the role of Jeeter Lester, father of a nondescript family that are un- doubtedly the lowest people on the earth . . . Gene Tierney plays the oversexed daughter and Marjorie Rambeau and Ward Bond complete the fine cast . . . WALLY BEERY returns in the BAD MAN . . . another one of those roles that we all associate with him . . . HENRY FONDA and BARBARA STANWYCK contribute another marrige com- edy in their latest . . . LADY EVE . . . A sequel to Boystown has just been released . . . It is called MEN of BOYSTOWN and features SPENCER TRACY and MICKEY ROONEY, original members of the original story . . . ALLAN JONES sings again in HARD-BOILED CANARY. a musical featuring SUZANNA FOSTER, youthful singing star of The Great Victor Herbert . . . Today's popular tunes are ex- ceedingly good for a change. The current vibration on campus jukes is TOMMY DORSEY'S fine OH! LOOK AT ME NOW . . . This groove features FRANK SINATRA, CONNIE HAINES, THE PIED PIPERS and DORSEY'S fine orchestra . . . This was a contest winner in the Fame and Fortune program that DORSEY is currently featured on . . . Another fine tune on VICTOR is ARTIE SHAW'S tune LOVE OF MY LIFE . . . This was written and recorded by him and is real- ly worth an ear . . . especially those violins . . . Mentioned last month and again this month is ARTIE SHAW'S CONCERTO FOR CLARINET . . . This tune has increased in popularity in the last few weeks and sales are in their ascendancy . . . This is a 12 inch disc and is really worth notice . . . GLENN MILLER does another bang-up job for BLUEBIRD with his SONG OF THE VOLGA BOATMEN . . . There is a super-ride session in the middle that is being duplicat- ed by CHARLIE FISK at GAEB- LER'S most ny afternoon . . . CHARLIE BARNET'S new-cut SOUTHERN FRIED was originally HARLAN LEONARD'S theme tune HAIRLESS JOE RIDES AGAIN . . . It's on BLUEBIRD . . Get it . . . RAYMOND PAIGE and his or- chestra recently made an album for VICTOR that merits consid- erable notice . . . It is entitled MUSICAL AMERICANA after his current radio program . . . This album consists of contemp- orary tunes of light opera and musical comedies . . . Included are Gershwin's RHAPSODY IN BLUE, WHEN DAY IS DONE, LA CUMPARSITA, selections from PORGY and BESS, AMONG MY SOUVENIRS, ANYTHING GOES, MOOD INDIGO, NIGHT AND DAY, MOONLIGHT AND ROSES, LOUISIANA HAYRIDE, and a host of other tunes . . . Here are popular records of a richness, beauty, nd melodic ap- peal such as never have appear- ed before in any record release. GERSHWIN, BERLIN, COLE PORTER, DUKE ELLINGTON, DE SYLVA, ARTHUR SCHWARTZ, Topic Cafe HARRIS CAFE Towner. and other kings of good popular music have contributed to this album, and RAYMOND PAIGE, kimself, has arranged the most popular good tunes of America for his highly specialized orches- tra . . . NOEL COWARD sings and plays two of his hit songs for VICTOR this month with the re- lease of I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN from his immortal BITTER- SWEET, and DEAREST LOVE, from OPERETTE . . . VICTOR presents a WAGNER record that doubles on the OVERTURE TO DIE MEISTER SINGER and PRE- LUDE to ACT III of LOHENGRIN . . The latter was recently played as an encore by the St. Louis Symphony at their concert here . . . This is truly a master work by a master orchestra and conductor. The MEISTERSINGER OVERTURE, the music in which RICHARD WAGNER concentrat- ed the essential humor, color and magnificience of his greatest op- eratic work. You would search far to find an equal example of the power, sonority, and polish of the PHILADELPHIA ORCHES- TRA . . . So much for now . . COSMO . . . THE ROUND TOWNER Missouri Theatre GOLDEN CAMPUS RADIO ELECTRIC SHOP "Why do you wear such low cut evening gowns?" "To show that my heart is in the right place." THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT Oh, it's short they wear their dress at Mizzou And still shorter clip their tresses at Mizzou But long lasting are the blisses Of un+imed but lengthy kisses From the darling little Misses at Mizzou. A congenial girl is Mary. She alwavs has plenty of fire and would. (Ed. Note: But she's nobody's fuel!) * The Novus Shop "Well . . . I like Bill for his broad shoulders, and Jim for his new convertible, and Sam for his personality, and Don for his blue eyes, and Harry for his . . . I think I'll go with Harry!" Thanx to Varga And Esquire. Fredendall's Campus Queen Photographer Savitar When Mr. M.U. calls for a date If you get a kick out of no- ticing how different types of people do things you should be in the parlors some week-end night. One of the most amusing sights around here is that of the young men from M. U. com- ing for their Christian dates. It's quite a study. First, we have the typical Joe College type. He swaggers in, looks around the parlor to see if everybody is watching him. If not, he gives his date's name to the maid in a very loud voice. Ah, that does the trick! Of course, his date will be one of the gla- mor girls of the campus. He is quite impatient. If she is five minutes late, he begins patting his foot in exasperation. He looks as if her plans to really tell the poor girl off for being late. Then, his date arrives. Something seems to happen to his bad hu- mor, also to his supreme air of nonchalance. He changes sud- denly to a bashful little boy as she leads him off to where she wants to go. Flustered Freshman Creeps In Then, we have the Flustered Freshman. A meek young fellow comes in, practically on tiptoe in order to attract as little at- tention as possible. He looks rather surprised when the maid by Mary Lib McLoed Illustrations by Ruth Shambaugh asks whom he wants to see. After much hesita- tion, he stammers her name. He goes over to a dark corner to wait for his date, who will probably be a sweet and simple junior. She comes hesitant- ly into the parlor. He waits as long as possible be- fore coming out of the seclusion of his corner. They greet each other with timid smiles and blushes. Both start talking at once and get tickled as they go out the door. Everything points to a nice, quiet evening ahead for these two. Blind Date Wary The most interesting of all is that great insti- tution, the Blind Date. From the minute he warily enters the parlor, it is evident that he doesn't know whether to be happy about the whole thing, or not. He takes a piece of paper from his pocket and with no signs of pleasure gives her name to the maid. He fidgets a bit, and seems to be con- templating something. Then he furtively takes out a pack of cigarettes. As he probably has never been in our parlors before, the question that comes into his mind is-to smoke or not to smoke. He looks at them a moment and decides maybe it is best that he shouldn't. Then-the door opens. He jumps ever so slightly, regains his composure, and looks her over with a critical air. The next re- action depends, of course, on the young lady. May- be we have here a great romance-and maybe not. Now, there may be a few variations of these types, but most of the men who journey out to our campus for social reasons fall into one of these categories. Which description seems to fit your favorite man? Reprinted from the Christian College Microphone Hotel Continental "I'm cutting quite a figure" said the chorus girl as she sat down on a broken bottle." IRV (Me and Willkie) FELD, Zebe, spots the camera, while sus- picious Bill Rhodes, Fiji infant, looks to see if he still has his re- lief check after that pressing crowd. Joe Dietz GARAGE Greenspon's TEX WALDMAN, Phi Sig Phoebus, and Wanda Krey, Susie, peek at SHOWME photog while Savitt serenades. "Why Professor Wrench!" Thanks to Petty and Esquire. Miller's THE DROP INN CAFE Columbia Laundry The Jacqueline Shop Camel Cigarettes