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Missouri Showme April, 1953; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1953

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Missouri Showme 25 cents April Love Issue Garland's Pucketts TIGER THEATER THE STEIN CLUB Swami's Snorts The guys who think our jokes are rough Would quickly change their views, If they'd compare the ones we print, With those we're scared to use. Beneath this stone lies Murphy They buried him today. He lived the life of Riley While Riley was away. "Whatcha doing now, Sam?" "I'm a psychiatrist in a pottery factory." "What's that?" "I take care of the cracked pots." A little lady field mouse was going out through the field when she was picked up by a big com- bine. She was bumped around and shaken up quite a bit before she was finally thrown back into the field. Painfully the bewild- ered little mouse dragged herself home. When asked by her mo- ther what had happened to her she said: "Oh, mother, I think. I've been reaped!!" ** * Customer: I'd like some rat poi- son, please. Clerk: Will you take it with you? Customer: No, I'll send the rats over after it. Sigma Nu: My girl friend is a twin. Kappa Sig: How can you tell them apart? Sigma Nu: Her brother walks different. ** * When a woman lowers her voice, it's a sign she wants some- thing when she raises it, it's a sign she didn't get it. Stone Age Lover's Slogan: I came, I saw, I conked her. "These are my grandmother's ashes." "Oh, so the poor old soul has passed away?" "No. She's just too damn lazy to look for an ash tray." Definitions: Wolf: A fellow who knows all the ankles. Golddigger: A girl who hafes poverty worse than sin. Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands. Burlesque Show: Where attend- ance falls off if nothing else does. Pink Elephant: A beast of bour- bon. Drizzle: Two drips going steady. Girls are like newspapers: They have forms, they have the last word, back numbers not in demand, they are well worth looking over, they have a good deal of influence, they get along by advertising, you can't believe all they say, there's small de- mand for the bold faced type, and every man should have his own and not borrow his neigh- bor's. And then there was the Scotch- man who wouldn't rent his girl a beach umbrella, but told her shady stories instead. Julie's Campus Jewelers EDITOR'S EGO There's a grizzly rumor mak- ing the rounds that a certain cof- fee n' crumb emporium on cam- pus is featuring a brand new taste sensation. They call it the "meatburger." Beneath the slick exterior of a well handled bun lies the usual layer of mustard, then a tempting swathe of barbe- cue sauce. Next comes a layer of jucey pickles, then chopepd on- ions, another layer of barbecue sauce . . and then . . . the secret ingredient . . . the piece de resis- tence . . . voila! . . meat! The in- ventor, a thick thumbed individ- ual named McBromo, claims that the meatburger will revolution- ize the burger business . . . And speaking of meatballs, we congratulate the Student staff for boldly naming its first issue of the month the April Fool's Issue. Now that's what we call truthful labeling. We look forward ex- pectantly to the May and June fool's issues . We received a telephone call from a dear thing called Marilyn the other night. Marilyn wanted to know "what's the big idea of keeping the identity of the Showme Queen secret until the April Issue." This is what we would have told Marilyn if we hadn't swallowed the telephone receiver . . . Marilyn, dear, this may come as a shock to you, but Showme is in business to make money. Us editors think that we can sell more magazines (thus make more money) if we make the an- nouncement ourselves, in the April Showme. We hope that peo- ple will buy Showme to find out who won. We want to surprise you, Marilyn. And do you know what we're going to do with the extra money we make by sur- prising you? We're going to throw a big fat beer bust. You may come, but bring your own bust . . . Next month ol' Swami, tear in eye and refrigerated knapsack in hand, heads for the hinter-land with a "Hail and Farewell" to Mizzou, the tigers, the traditions, and the T.G.I.F.'ers. There'll be another fabulous cover by Beeler, and Killer will give you her cen- terspread interpretation of a June wedding reception. We'll have a ball - won't you come along? Bill Braznell Uptown I think you've gotten the wrong idea about the summer cruise. MISSOURI Showme Staff EDITOR Bill Braznell ASSOCIATED EDITORS Pat Kilpatrick Joe Gold BUSINESS MANAGER Ben Bruton ADVERTISING MANAGER Bill Roberts PUBLICITY DIRECTOR Kay Carr JOKE EDITOR Judy Rose CIRCULATION AND SALES Leon Miller Jim Fell PROOF READER Hal Miller ADVERTISING ART Jack Frost Barbara Brown ARTISTS Madge Harrah Paul Mullane Ed Farber Bob Carter Joe Beeler Harry Stanbury Jack Frost Rube Erwin Warren Murray Lindy Baker ADVERTISING SALESEN Kitty Jackson Nola Middleton Bob Whitfield Jerry Case Contents LOVE THROUGH THE AGES Famous loves of history with a large illustration by Joe Beeler _____ PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE If your id and ego aren't on speaking terms, Warren Murry can explain it ____ THE LUSTY LOVES OF LULA BELLE Exclusive stills from the new movie starring Tyrone and Dorothy ________ 1953 SHOWME QUEEN AND ATTENDANT Swami presents your choice for Queen ___ A SUSIE'S AND A COED'S VIEWS A typical Susie and a typical coed write their honest answers to the question "What do you think of the Missouri Male?" ___ HOW TO GET OVER LOVE Pat Kilpatrick offers some suggestions on "how not to be crushed" Cover by Bill Braznell Photos by Bill Rhoades, Henn Liiv, Jim Karohl, George Miller Volume 29 April 1953 Number 7 SHOWME is published nine times, September through May, during the college year by the Students of the University of Missouri. Office: 302 Read Hall, Columbia, Mo. All copyrights reserved. Unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Advertising rates furnished on request. National Advertis- ing Representative: W. B. Bradbury Co., 122 E 42nd St., New York City. Printer: Modern Litho-Print Co, Jefferson City Mo. Price: 25c a single copy; subscriptions by mail $3.00. Office Hours 1:30 to 330 p.m., Monday through Fri- day, 302 Read Hall. I love the girl with the coy-sweet smile, I love the girl with the caddie, But most of all, I love the girl With the oil well drillin' daddie. Around The Columns Love Cures All In the past few months we've been so nasty to so many people, that we are being looked upon as a sour, old misanthrope. To clear all this up we take this opportun- ity - the "Love Issue," you know, to kiss and make up. Real- ly we think the Aggies are the most intelligent group on cam- pus, and the Betas are great fel- lows, and Susies are much nicer than coeds, and Dr. Trimble and the Clinic gang are better than the M.D.'s at the Mayo Clinic and the Student is a fine journal, and love is blind. Crystal Ball A tiny squib in a Kansas City paper announced that Missouri would open the 1955 football sea- son with a breather. A tiny, un- known, unheralded little school 30 miles from Detroit will pro- vide the opposition for Faurot's Ferocious Felines. At last the MU schedule makers realize that the school cannot keep up with the big time boys, and they open up that year with an easy mark. Who the hell ever heard of the University of Michigan? Veeck's Wrecks The big news around the sports world is that KFRU is not going to carry Cardinal games this year. The biggest little station in the Midwest will air the games of the St. Louis Browns this summer. Why? You've got us. Maybe Bill Veeck worked a deal. Maybe the Cards are too popu- lar. Maybe the station will have a tough time hooking up a direct line to Baltimore where the hap- less Browns should end up in 1954. Maybe the Browns will win the pennant. Maybe you think we're serious. Please, Mr. Kelly Did you ever get sick and tired going to movies seeing the same old cartoons, where the mouse outwits the cat, or the dumb bear gets hoodwinked by the crows, or Popeye gets his brains beaten out for eight min- utes, and then eats some brocco- li, and knocks the dickens out of some five hundred pound mon- ster? Did. you, huh? What this country needs is more intelli- gent cartoons that tickle the sense of humor, not blast it senseless. We need more of the Nearsighted Mr. Magoo and his type of comedy. But how about a special for the college set? How about Pogo in the movies? Why not start a letter campaign to Walt Kelly to bring the little possum and his pals to the screen? We'd rather see Albert, the Alligator than Joan Craw- ford, any day. If we couldn't have Pogo for president, the least we can do is to have him for Mickey Mouse. Goodnight? Paul Harvey, the Great Paul Harvey, came up with an inter- esting solution to the education problem. The all-powerful com- mon tater has decided that pub- lic schools might as well dis- pense with the summer vacation, since it is an archaic practice from the days when the young- sters had to help with the crops. Now, to get more students through, and to get them through faster, we simply have everyone go to school, and our problems are over. Isn't that simple? Aren't you sorry you didn't think of it? Of course you are. But then not everybody can be Paul Harvey. Good day? Columbia's Envoy It has come to our attention that Columbians are taking up a collection to send a young man or woman between the ages of eighteen and thirty to a foreign community this summer as Co- lumbia's Community Ambassa- dor. Reliable sources (two stool pigeons at Dirty Mac's) inform us that the foreign community will be Boonville. Swami should like to take this occasion to wish the traveler a bon voyage and hearty hopes for a safe return. 7 Queennappers The only thing we can see wrong with all the queen kid- nappings that occur each year (Barnwarmin', St. Pat's, ad in- finitum) is that they always bring the Queen back in time. Some day, a professional is go- ing to discover the practice, and maybe we'll lose a queen or two. Oh well, one more or less, can't hurt. April Fuel We marked the poor taste of the April Fool joke of the Mis- souri STUDENT. They came out. Seriously, though, there were some funny items in that issue of the D.U. News (The last four editors have been, you know.) We laughed and laughed, and were severely censured for it, when it was discovered that we had mis- taken the page numbers and were laughing at what was sup- posed to be serious news. That deal on revamping SGA. Oh, our sides still hurt! What interested us most, however, was the lavish mention of SHOWME (or Show- down, or whatever they want to call us for free) and the vast amount of space devoted to Swami's mag. We counted thir- teen places where they mention- ed us and counted up thirty-one inches of column space devoted to the campus humor magazine. We are fearfully awaiting the bill. But even if we have to pay, thanks, fellas - it was worth it. Caro Sell After our loquacious mention of Carousel in last month's Col- umns, we decided to be even more lavish in our publicity. We noticed some of their advertising calling for help. They need "Waiters (to wear tuxedos) and ticket salesmen (experience nec- essary). We suppose that there is more to waiting tables than wearing a tux, but then Carou- sel probably has to get a num- ber of Greeks into the act. And ticket salesmen with experience. No stipulation as to what kind of experience (bank robbing, selling Snake Oil, or what have you.) But then Carousel is so obscure anyway. La Guillotine After a tremendous purge at the end of March, five big fra- ternities found themselves unso- cialized. In one fell swoop social privileges were taken away from five (count 'em) five Greek groups, and the dean rubbed his hands together as he saw a pic- ture of things to come. We can- not see the reason for this action. After all, if the sailors in "Mr. Roberts" could do it . And to look at the bright side, the boys are probably saving a lot of mon- ey. (We hadn't realized until re- cently that fines were assessed for missing a social function - some as high as five dollars. But, how can you have a good time, when you know that, everyone came because he couldn't afford the fine? We were told that we didn't understand these things, and then snubbed.) So, fellows, look for the silver lining, and plead insanity. Attention, Morons In answer to the question "Do college grades indicate SUC- CESS more than student activi- ties?", the following is the an- swer of one of those popular newspaper Freuds: "Probably not. Victor L. Jepson compared the earnings of 488 college grad- uates with their college grades and extra-curricular activities. Ish for you. He found 'zero relationship' be- tween grades and future earn- ings, but considerable relation- ship between important outside activities such as active partici- pation in fraternities, athletics, college affairs, etc. (There is no explanation of the term "college affair.") Whether outside activi- ties with dates boosted future earnings was not studied." (Probably depends on what they did with their dates.) Now, mo- rons, feel perfectly free to clip this item and mail it home to Pa- pa along with your deficiencies. This is a public service feature of SHOWME. Missing Link We note with interst (we were warned that we'd better "note with interest") that the city is going ahead on plans for a mun- icipal golf course. This would cer- tainly fill a great need, not only among the townspeople, but also for students who've been black- listed by Stephens. What this town needs is a place where stu- dents can take their irons and putter away the many hours in healthful sport. A golf course is essential. We don't ask this for ourselves, since we don't play, but in the spirit of all the stu- dents. We want a golf course. (You may disregard this com- pletely. The EDITOR - allah, allah - is a bug on golf, and we were threatened with banish- ment to the STUDENT, if we didn't push the golf course.) In- cidentally, if you're short on golf balls, Dr. Trimble has a number of slightly used gall stones, which will serve the purpose quite well, and a big gall sale is now in progress at the Clinic. Pucker, Of Course Spring - when boys and girls discard winter coats and a cool attitude . . . lovers, hand-in-hand on Hitt Street . the Hink look- ing like Coney Island on a warm Sunday . . . promises to be true "forever" . . . when everyone goes to the Drive-ins . . . and no- body knows what was playing . . girls all looking sweet and de- mure in flattering formals . . boys choking in tuxes . . . linger- ing kisses as the lights flicker in front of her house . . . cars packed with blankets, coeds, and cases . . . hearts accepting every little lie . . . knowing they're not true . . . believing because it's so sweet to be in love . . . and over all the accompaniment of a thou- sand kisses . . . Spring . . . mush. Hot For Your Blood To take on a serious note, we'd like to urge you all to donate a pint of blood next week They tell us it's the last time this year, and they'll need 900 pints over the first three days of next week - April 27, 28, and 29. Actually, when you think of all the Mickey Mouse we en- gage in, something like this to show that college students do think of more serious things, will help a lot. Besides with draft boards closing in all over the country, this might be a good in- vestment. Now Blow It . . . In passing (out, probably) we'd like to crack at all these cig- arette ads. You know the Thir- ty (You should live so long.) Day test, and so on. It's always - "Try this SIMPLE test. Take a puff but don't inhale. Now turn your head sideways, and let the smoke drip into your Eu- stachian Tube; now draw it back and rub some under your tongue; now French roll it around your filthy old mouth, and puff it out. Now try the same test with your own cigar- ette. Oh, you don't smoke. No wonder you look so green. Well, I'm sure that if you did, you'd find as so many other (may they rest in peace) have, that Malig- nant Cigarettes, are definitely milder and definitely less irritat- ing to the nose and throat and Reader's Digest." Sometimes we get so sick of this kind of ad- vertising that we almost swear off smoking, but, then, water pipes, are much milder. joe gold Some people sow their wild oats on Saturday nights and then go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure. 9 Henn Liiv and Milton Rein The Betas cleared their throats, harmonized on a few bars of Beta Loving Cup, and won Fraternity Sing. Chuck Workman Greeks aren't always party boys; here they work on a worthy project. Fred Goodwin is being decorated with the Royal Order of Paint. Greek Week Goodies Two weeks ago all the Greeks went wild and had a Week. Some was clowning, some was serious, and the sum was a big time for all. They had a Carnival, a Frat-Sor Sing, and a ginger-peachy time. Henn Liiv and Milron Rein Here are some of the booths that graced Rothwell Gym during the Carnival. In the shot at the left almost everyone was willing to spend two bits to throw baseballs at Bud Bradshaw. At left was the most thrilling booth of all where you could pay and be allowed to place a garter on the protruding leg of a real, live, honest-to-betsy girl. 10 Henn Liiv and Milton Rein Strain shows all through Jerry Pi- per's body, as he breaks the tape well ahead of all competitors. People and Programs It was a busy month, full of hustle and hubbub. Activities and Spring sports ran rampant. Warmer days drew even the worst grinds into the wide open spaces, despite warnings of term papers and finals. Above: racing fans happily ignore the cry, "Clear the track . . . they're coming in with a burst of speed," at the DU's popular Campustown Races. Bill Rhcades Left: This is a Carousel rehearsal. The young ladies are practicing a dance in which their partners are all 7' 8" tall. Eyes right: The Student Art Show produced varied comment. Later it was discovered that someone had mistakenly hung the pictures upside down. This photo was taken after they had been righted. 11 Love Through by Joe Gold Ever since time immemoral, man has faced the phenomenon of love. Ancient history and mod- ern newspapers attest to its exist- ence, and nobody has ever tried to deny it. This is a short history of the emotion that has had the sexes going ape for centuries. Men have paid a great deal for woman, but it only cost 01' Man Adam a rib. Still, it wasn't cheap at the price. Enchanted by his leaf-clad spouse, Adam left the Garden, and man has been scared of snakes ever since. Then along came Samson with the light brown hair, and he was a veritable he-man, fighting lions and all sorts of nasties that dis- turbed his peace. Until one day there came to pass a lady bar- ber named Delilah. "Ooh, Samson," she cooed, "What long brown hair you've got." "The better to strangle you with." Delilah decided that here at last was the man to practice on. She sheared Samson, and when she was done she fleeced him. But, although he loved Delilah, Samson missed his hair, which was everything to him, and his whole world crumbled around him. He was no longer a pillar of virtue. David was the king, and he had the kingdom in the psalm of his hand, but he was not happy. He was tired of picking on the bigger boys and tired of strum- ming his harp. Looking for some- thing new to strum, he happen- ed upon Bathsheba, who, as the name implies, was taking a bath. He hurried to make her his own. When they discovered that they both used Ivory, they were wed, and there was much rejoicing in the kingdom. Out of the land of the Green Nile came the haunting legend of Cleopatra. Cleo had been Py- ramid Warmin' Queen, and Sav- itar Queen (Ancient Vedic Sun God) and now she had made good and was queen over all of Egypt. At the same time, fleeing from Rome came Marc Antony with a jealous husband on his heels. When he saw Cleopatra it The Ages was love at first flight. They set- tled down and made their for- tune off the Banks of the Nile. After Antony had been tarred and feathered by the Romans, Cleo wanted to die. Wandering along the road, she saw a snake in a ditch. Thinking it was an asp, she placed it against her breast and let it bite her. She was wrong. It was an adder. But, like most people in love, Cleo didn't know her. Way back when the Greeks were not a minority group, there lived the famous drydock, Helen of Troy. It was said that her face launched a thousand ships. And Paris invited her to be his love, and they did all the pleasures prove, but everyone else got P.O.'d and they had a ten year rock-throwing contest between Greece and Troy. Right in the middle, they had a horse race, and the Trojans picked a loser, which meant that the Greeks' pari-mutuel system was a win- ner. When the Queen of England was a horse-faced old busybody named Elizabeth, she had a pas- sionate consort named Essex, who used to run around trying to pick up all the cloaks that Sir Walter Scott was dropping in mud puddles. Elizabeth got mad, and put Essex in the Tower of London where he lost his head. Later she was sorry for what she had done, but she couldn't make her lover like new, and she had to be satisfied with a decapitated wooer. Around this time there lived a Capulet and a Montague who were hot for each other. Since neither family would do more than insult the other, it remain- ed for the lovers to take matters into their own hands. Which Ro- meo (the Montague) did. When the families heard of these wild goings on, they were fit to be tied. So they declared it a draw, and no longer did Romeo stare wistfully at Juliet's balcony, but they made an end to themselves, and their families saw the error of their ways and kissed and made up. This was a tragedy. Once there was a poet named Robert Browning who loved an- (Continued on Page 22) The Psychology of Love This is Id! A Freudian Analysis Of "Boy meets Girl" One's techniques and abilities in love develop from the cradle through maturity. Characteristic of this development are several stages which will be discussed thoroughly in this essay. Play- ing a most important part in these stages are the three parts of the Psychic: the Id, Ego, and Super-ego. The Id is deep in the subconscious, and is the vile originator of all the thoughts and actions of boys and girls. Id has a one-track mind, and conse- quently communicates, but one message frequently and strongly. The ego and super-ego play the part of censor, and rewrite man, to change Id's ideas into something accepted by society. So, the next time you see some man smile and tip his hat to a lady, remember: Id was trying to keep him biologically happy, but Ego and Super-ego inter- vened, possibly keeping him out of jail. The first major step in boy meets girl story is during the Grade School days. When young Romeo sees his Juliet there, the most tender advance to the sweet little thing is in the form of a vigorous shove into the nearest mud puddle. His phyche says: Id: As the impulse from the Id is always basically the same, and not approved by the cen- sor, the reader is left to his imagination. Ego: "No, that's not nice. Be subtle and back her into the mud." Super - ego: "Wonderful idea, how can she resist me?" 14 In Junior High, the bisexual relationship follows true to the "Look-at-me, Girls," or the "Show-Off" stage. At this age the boy realizes that girls don't appreciate the Grade School pranks, and turns to methods of impressing them with feats of masculine achievement. As our Johnny goes swinging through the playground trees, accom- panied by the shrill shrieks of a bevy of Marthas, his mind is conversing with itself. Id: "If they follow me far enough . . . Ego: "Now, while they're look- ing." Super-ego: "I hope I don't break my fool neck." This type of courtship is un- doubtably very effective, as many hardy males follow it for a life time. California has its Muscles Beach, and Missouri has a University where the Joes dis- play their virility by bending beer cans with their bare hands. By the time Adonis has reach- ed High School, he has usually found his mate. (Or so he thinks at the time). Gone are the crude thoughts of vulgar displays of strength. All is sweetness and light with the boy, as he becomes prematurely domesticated. He no longer shows off, because he can- not let go of her hand long enough. - The little puppy is in love. Adonis and friend seem to have formed a mutual past which they work full time, - keeping each other's hands warm. No longer do they attend concerts, or plays, for how is one to ap- plaud when he cannot stand to lose physical contact with heart- throb? Adonis' psyche is now at by Warren Murry ease. Id: "This can't be ALL." Ego: "Love." Super-ego: "Golly, what warm hands she has." It is pleasing to realize that such a tender affair as this will never change for these two, Adonis and his femme will grad- uate from High School and at- tend college together. In college they will go steadily, and study at the library where they will continue to keep each other's hands warm. When two people of the oppo- site gender (sex is a better word here, but you know how the cen- sor is) meet in college, one often wonders whether or not they possess an ego and super-ego to control the images projected by the persistent Id. -You've wondered what was going on in the other's mind dur- ing those awkward silences. His Il: "Now?" Her Id: "Now!" His ego: "I wonder if she needs another drink." Her ego: "He needs encourage- ment." His super-ego: "Nothing ven- tured, nothing gained." Her super-ego: "This clod is real- ly slow." The Collegiate Columbus will finally venture. He won't die in chains, but he might as well. Al- though the gal will be tremen- dously pleased with herself, she will become righteously indig- nant, and slap hell out of him. "The Lusty Loves Of Lula Belle" A. J. Rank Swami Production Featuring Tyrone Fremerman and Dorothy La Hunt In the first scene Lula Belle (Dottie La Hunt) is a sweet, naive country girl being ap- proached by the wealthy cad, Horace Staccato (Ty Fremer- man). In the second scene from the fourth coming movie, Staccato has succeeded in taking Lula Belle for a ride, and has wheedled her into trying one of "his brand." Quite thrilled at being in a cocnvertible with such a "man of the world," Lula Belle al- lows Horace to place his arms about her - but that's all. Suddenly the cad shows his true colors, and Lula Belle, sweet, young thing that she is, practically falls out of the car trying to avoid the mad lunge. Virtue triumphs, however, and Lula Belle repulses the ardent Horace and turns a deaf ear to his pleas to "get back in the goddam car." Reaching her doorstep, Lula Bell discovers that her baying wolf has become as docile as a St. Bernard, and is begging her to return. The good heart of the country girl is touched, and she considers his proposi- tion. The proposition is pretty good, and, as the cameras stop grinding Lula Belle is seen re- peating it word for word to Homer Hogwash, a neighbor- ing hay stacker. A sequel is now in production. Photos by Bill Rhoades Script by Tennessee Bill Hers Hidden Dreams of A Heart in Love His The wide brown eyes peered out of the mirror at the face be- fore it. They searched the small face and the short nose. They watched the corners of the small reddened lips pull down and the muscles at the base of the jaw contract. The soft brown hair curled low on the forehead. It wasn't a beautiful face, but Cathy had given up on that, and was content to think that it was an interesting one. When you're twenty, you no longer worry about it. You accept what it is, because it is you. She ran the comb through her hair, and saw it fall back into place. What was the use? But you always did it. A ritual that could not be abandoned. You al- ways did that last-minute thing with the comb. Paul was waiting downstairs, but Cathy didn't hurry. It was a game you played. No one ex- pected you to come down im- mediately. Paul didn't. He knew the rules of the game. Sometimes, she tired of the game, but, still, she followed it through habit. She watched the eyes. Always she thought of the other thing. She would play the game, because everyone did, but she didn't have to think of it. You thought of that one time. That once when it wasn't a game. Everything had been real, and Cathy had thrown away the rule book, because when it was real, nobody thought of the game. But now you played. She picked up the powder puff and dusted the short, delicate nose with it. The dark lashes were lowered, and the eyes were clouded. Once, long ago, the world was a wonderland, and she had Bill. They had kissed the first night. When you played the game you never did that, but it was all right, because they weren't play- ing the game that night. She couldn't remember how his face looked as it moved closer to hers. But the lips - she could remember the feel of the lips pressed softly against hers. And (Continued on next Page) Intermission by Joe Gold Paul would be waiting downstairs . . it was a game you played. TASTEE FREEZ DORN CLONEY then harder and harder. And it hurt, but she hadn't wanted him to stop. That was the way you felt. You never wanted it to end. You wanted to be hurt, to be lost in a void. Cathy traced the line of her lips with the red stick, and as she smoothed them one against the other, she could remember how they had hurt. When you wake up, they still hurt. And you moisten them with your tongue. Not to soothe, but to re- member. To taste again, and you remember, and you feel good again. Not because they hurt, but because you remember why. She inspected the image in the mirror. The blue sweater show- ed her soft curves, and she was pleased. You were always pleas- ed if you looked well. Even if it was a game. She smoothed the black wool skirt. Paul was wait- ing, but he wouldn't mind, be- cause that was the way you did. Bill had loved her. The first day he said "I love you," the clouds were circling high above, but she was on top of them. That was how it was, when it was real. You felt like grinning, and laughing, and then you were serious. And you wondered why others could not be as happy as you were. You wanted to tell everybody, but you kept silent, and others looked knowingly when they saw a sudden smile play across your face. And you were beautiful then. Because you were in love, and the one you loved thought you were beautiful, and you were. You wore flowers in your hair, and even winter seemed like spring. When it was gone you could remember how your heart died inside you. Like the little wren that fluttered its wings in the cage when you were a child. It just died. And all the time tears fell light on your cheeks. When you least expected them to. You felt an ache in your chest, and that was real. And then even the pain passed. You always thought it would never end. But that too is forgotten. Cathy opened the door of the room and looked at the dark staircase. She smoothed the skirt again. So you sat back and waited for it to be real again. You knew it would be someday. You knew that the game didn't go on for- ever. You played it like an in- termission between acts, and all the while the time was passing. But you waited for it to be real again like it was with Bill. (Continued on Page 27) At last, dear we'll be hearing the patter of little feet. Stuff Just think somewhere right now somebody is get- ting married. I love Purple Passion Parties. MOVIES ARE MADDER THAN EVER by Joe Beeler LOVE THROUGH THE AGES (Continued from Page 13) other poet named Elizabeth Bar- rett. All day long they used to write sonnets to each other until the censor found out about it, and warned them of the conse- quences. So they restrained themselves, and, instead, longed to hear the patter of little iambic pentameters around the house. So they pooled their talents and did a domestic comedy compar- ing their love to a box of eggs, called "Cheaper by the Dozen." With a few revisions Hollywood accepted it. At the beginning of the sev- enteenth century, Europe was dominated by a little man with his hand inside his shirt. He was Napoleon, and he itched. He itched to marry up with a gal by name of Josephine. Since she was prejudiced against foreign names she did not want to be- come Mrs. Napoleon, so they lived together in Paris (which was at that time synonymous with "sin") and gleefully trampl- ed Europe and made an Empire of it. To buy her a new mink, he sold the Louisiana Territory to the United States which was always a sucker for a gold brick or the Brooklyn Bridge (which hadn't been built yet). Napoleon had made Europe and Josephine was happy. And even Missouri had its lo- vers. They used to tell the story of Becky and Tom Sawyer. Becky and Tom had been ex- changing sneers for a long time, until they found themselves alone in a cave one day. Nobody could find the chaperone, Injun Joe, and they had to do without him. The two youngsters did no- thing, absolutely NOTHING, but the town said he had compro- mised her. Tom, being an hon- orable cad, promised to marry her, and they lived together for the rest of their days in Hanni- bal, Missouri, utterly incompat- ible. But such is love. Around the Civil War Period, when the North and the South were having exchange Panty Raids, the fabulous Scarlett O'- Hara dwelt at Tara, somewhere 22 in the vicinity of Yewall, Geor- gia. Miss O'Hara didn't like Un- ion soldiers, and she constantly turned down the Union suits for marriage. Along came a scoun- drel by the name of Rhett But- ler, and Scarlett knew that the love bug had bitten her. She longed to get her fingers into Rhett's hair, and her hands into his wallet. She did both. They were very happy until the war ended. Then, they separated, since they had run out of things to talk about. Nearing the present we find a king of England who renounced his throne "for the woman I love." He became the Duke of Windsor and married Wally, and let the British Empire go to pot, towards which it had been going for a number of years. He and the Duchess became a cou- ple of partiers, and would party at the drop of a derby or a shill- ing. Since people were always dropping these things, the loving couple have been busy ever since. Finally, the history of love carries us right up to our own generation and the names of Pat Ward and Mickey Jelke are blazed across the front page. Miss Ward, a comely brunette had always longed for a man to call her own. Mickey had al- ways longed for a woman to call. They called each other and soon the romance was hotter than a piece of jewelry from Brinks. The tabloids insisted on turning it into a scandalous story, but they couldn't do much. Mickey owned the presses. And so they shall live happily ever after, passing notes to one another by bribing the guards. And so love shall ever tri- umph over the forces of hate. It always conquered all, and "the world will always welcome lov- ers, as time goes by." THE END The bum slept under bridges and viaducts for years. Then he switched to culverts. Does this make him the Man of Distinction? Says he never got more outa any car. Annie Ryan Your 1953 Showme Queen From five finalists, you selected the young lady who reigns over the next couple of pages. Over a thousand votes were cast and then counted by Sandy Smith, President of AWS and Bill Braznell, Editor of SHOWME. And now, we present the 1953 SHOWME Queen . . Queen Anne. She's Mizzou's "best girl" On campus or on the town The 1953 SHOWME Queen is the blue-eyed beauty from Savannah, Missouri, Annie Ry- an. She is twenty-one years old, one hundred and ten pounds and five foot three and a half. ("I can stretch to five four.") Annie is a senior in the College of Education majoring in Home Econmics. Being a queen is not new to Annie Ryan. Way back in 1949, in her freshman year, she was chosen Farmers' Fair Queen by the Aggies. Scheduled to receive her diploma in June, the pert Queen is a member of Phi Upsilon Omicron, Home Ec- onomics Honorary. Her interests include most sports, but especially bowling (although the In the pictures below and right Annie at home in the open air with a horse who hams it up for the photog. And then there's one for the boys who like their women in blue jeans. The jumper (wearing, not horse) was a gift from Garland's. Life is not all play and no work for the Queen. She does "hit the books," but note the grin. And then there's jellying with Neil out on the deck. In the lower right, Annie gives you that "sweater and skirt" pinup. pinboys head for cover) and horses. When she was informed, that she had been chosen from the five finalists, Annie was so surprised that all she could say was, "I appreciate it - sincerely." Sincerity is one of the qualities of the tiny brownette, and frankness seems to be another. She admits she received the tiny scar on her forehead as a result of a fall from a cherry tree at the tender age of eight. "I haven't liked cherry pie since then. Apple is my favorite." For one of the photographs on these pages we took Annie out to the Stephens Riding Stable, where we discovered she really does like horses and is quite adept at talking to them. Among her other attributes, the Queen can strum a ukelele in addition to being able to sing quite well. She prob- ably picked up a great many votes during the campaign with her rendition of "Sentimental Jour- ney" that closed the Gentry Hall skit. Her Majesty, as luck would have it, is not only pinned but en- gaged to Neil Thomas, a former SHOWME Hood of the Month. 25 .and her Attendant She's Swami's choice For "Prettiest Wheel On Campus" - - Phyllis McDaniel. Attending the Queen is 19 year old Phyl- lis McDaniel, a sophomore in Arts and Science majoring in Social Work. The brown-haired, brown-eyed young lady reaches five feet six inches and weighs a hundred twenty-five pounds. She is from Independence and now lives in Kansas City. She likes most sports in- cluding swimming, tennis ("I play singles, because nobody will play doubles with me.") and horses. Phyllis also lists sewing as one of her spare time activities. She doesn't have much spare time, however, since she is in a great many activities. The Queen's Attendant admits to KEA, Freshman Women's Honorary, Sopho- more Council, Fanfare for Fifty, and AWS, be- ing past chairman of orientation for next fall. Over at the Kappa Alpha Theta house, Phyllis is in charge of Fraternity Education, an unex- plained term. Those off-the-shoulder formals look especially good on Phyllis, and then in an informal pose, as a result of her "travel bug," she revved up a prop or two at the airport. Phyllis can look official as well as attractive. Here she is with that "Judiciary Board Look" sitting behind the desk in the AWS office. 26 Intermission (Continued from Page 18) She started down the staircase, and saw Paul sitting in the chair with a paper. The movie would be fun. It always was, when you didn't think about it not being good. Paul would want to kiss her afterwards, and she would let him. Not because it was any- thing special. It was just the way you did. You played and you had fun and you kissed. But, still you knew it was only a game. You knew that someday you wouldn't play the game any- more. You knew the curtain would go up. You wanted to be held and kissed and hurt. You wanted that void to envelop you. But you couldn't rush it. It just happened. It always happened if you just went along with every- thing. Paul was standing at the foot of the staircase, the dark, almost black hair well back on his fore- head, and his eyes following her down. When she reached the bot- tom she was smiling. They walked out into the star- less spring evening, and the breeze was warm against her cheeks, and her hand was in Paul's. You always held hands on a date. It was pleasant. There was an old sculptor named Phidias Whose knowledge of art was in- vidious He carved Aphrodite Without any nightie Which startled the ultra-fastidi- ous. Brown Derby Breisch's Frozen Gold Ice Cream Whatsa matter . . . clean ain't it? Mother: Well, son what have you been doing all day? Son: Shooting craps, mother. Mother: That must stop. Those little things have as much right to live as you do. Teetotalers . . . I don't think I ever saw one; I hope I never see one; but let me tell you, sure as Hell, I'd rather see than be one! * * If you think a girl is cold, re- member - so is dynamite until you start foolin' around! With graceful feet a maiden sweet Was tripping the light fantastic. When suddenly she tore For the dressing room door You can never trust elastic. "Ran over a beer bottle." "Didn't you see it?" "Naw, the kid had it under his coat." Of all the wolves upon this earth The ones who've cause to brag Are Chase and Sanborn. They alone Have dated every bag. 28 Lafter Thoughts "There's a man outside with a wooden leg named Smith." "What's the name of the other leg?" Ed: Joe has a false tooth. Ned: Did he tell you? Ed: No, it just came out during the conversation. Walter: Do you neck? Caroline: That's my business. Walter: Oh, a professional. The excited young mother called to her husband: "The ba- by has swallowed the matches!" He called back: "Here, use my cigarette lighter." First Suzie: I said some foolish things to Robert last night. Second Suzie: Yes? First Suzie: That was one of them. * ** Pi Phi: I suppose that if I go riding with you, you'll park in some dark lane and try to make love to me. Beta: Ah! That's where you're wrong. Pi Phi: You're telling me! That's why I'm not going. Don't let 'em rattle you - we got eight more innings to get you out of it! Swami's Snorts Bridesmaid: How was your fa- ther-in-law looking when you last saw him? Groom: Straight down the bar- rel. * * "Marry me, although I am a poor radio announcer, or I will shoot myself and make a spot on your rug that only Glutz's su- perdooper cleanser selling at 25 cents at all better grocery stores, will remove." Gent: Where's the menu? Waiter: At the end of the hall, first door to the left. * * * Often when a man says his mind is getting broader it only means his conscience is stretch- ing. * ** Many a man has made a mon- key of himself by reaching for the wrong limb. It was one of Mother's most hectic days. Her small son, who had been playing outside, came in with his pants torn. "You go right in and, mend them yourself," she said. Sometime later she went to see how he was getting along. The torn pants were lying on the chair. The door to the cellar, us- ually closed, was open. She call- ed down loudly, "Are you run- ning around without your pants on? "No, lady, I'm just reading the gas meter." Beneath this stone a virgin lies, For her life held no terrors. Born a virgin, died a virgin - No hits, no runs, no errors. Central Dairy Student Union Night Club A Susie's View of the Missouri Male An anonymous Stephens girl wonders if some of the boys have any backbone It is hard to say exactly what the general opinion is that Ste- phens girls have of M.U. men, since there are so many types of personalities and opinions among 2,000 girls on the Stephens cam- pus. After listening to the many conversations about boys from Mizzou, I would say the majority of the girls are definitely "in fa- vor." Some say, "Well, they are all we have to date." Maybe so, but an awful lot of Stephens girls are all dreamy-eyed and in a di- ther over a boy from M.U., so they must have found something they like in them. True, a lot of girls say the boys are "pigs" but I imagine this is said half-heart- edly by the girls who haven't been fortunate enough to meet the right boys. It's hard, I'll ad- mit, to find some one that you are really proud to know and be seen with, but if you try hard enough, one will come along your way sooner or later. All of the boys at M.U. aren't perfect, but are all of the girls, or all of the boys on other cam- puses in the U.S.? Just because you meet a boy whom you dis- like intensely, doesn't mean all the boys are like that. Too many Stephens girls are "fraternity conscious." By this I mean, if she is asked out by a boy who isn't ian a top fraternity, or is an Independent, she'll refuse the date. This is no way to meet people in a college town. You have to take your chances. I do think that a lot of the M. U. boys could be a little more thoughtful. They don't have to razz a girl simply because she go to Stephens. We don't make the rules you know, so why talk about them all the time! I know of some fraternities that will hardly allow a boy in that house to pin a Stephens girl, or even date her a lot. I believe that a lot of the boys' actions are caused by the girls. There are always complaints about the boys who hang out in front of The Dairy, and The Towne House. They have a rea- son I guess - lots of girls in these places. Some stay for hours, actually. Those girls are inviting these boys in, but then when the girls find out what the boys are like, they brand them as "typi- cal M.U. men." This is not a fair accusation. Do you blame the boys for making comments and hanging around these places, when you sit there and ask for it? I see nothing wrong in going in for a coke or something, but you don't have to become a per- manent fixture! Boys say a Stephens girl is a snob, Just because a girl won't speak to a car load of boys who are "on the prowl" doesn't mean she is a snob. She's just being careful. "A Stephens girl is always available." Why don't boys take into consideration that there are two women's colleges plus the university girls in this town. It's obvious that there aren't that many boys, so why limit the statement only to Stephens? Why does a boy call you and tell you to please ask your girl friend if she has a date for the week-end and, if not, would she like to go out with him? That's a round-about-way of getting a date, but, a lot of boys do it. Kinda makes us wonder if some of the boys have any backbone. We don't mind doing them a fa- vor, but when it comes to asking for a date, why not ask her di- rectly? As a whole, I would say that Stephens girls like the Missouri boys. There are some great boys at Mizzou and some great girls in Stephens, and I think we'll all be happier if we quit general- izing. Name Withheld A Co-ed's View of the Missouri Male Last minute phone calls make girls want to scream says anonymous coed On this campus there are two well known factors which the common layman speaks of as boys and girls. I, being a girl, will speak of the former. Who are these masculine gender, what are they like, what do they think about? I don't know the answers but would you like to know the reverse-What the feminine gen- der thinks about the males on Missouri Campus, what they like and what they dislike-Surpris- ed that they do like something- that something pleases and ap- peals that hard to please whimsi- cal race - women. Well - let's begin- Boys like to be with their friends, their fraternity brothers. This statement makes sense - So do girls - they like to see someone they can wave to, speak to, and in general, feel as if they know someone on the campus, too. How about it, fellows - do you ever ask your date if she would like to meet or go with one of her friends and their dates, or is it a well known and taken for granted fact that you're naturally going where you can meet the gang-? The terror of it - the phone call - "Pick you up at eight - get Dorothy, Chuck wants to talk to her" - and he's gone. Where are you going - What is he wearing? - Is it a Jeff City par- ty, picnic on the Hink - Coro- nado binge - cocktail party - roller skating - Who knows? And if you dress wrongly and wait to see what Romeo has thoughtfully decided to wear - You scheme about how quietly you can change what to match what - and then while you're changing and he's waiting - Oh brother!!! Takes all of thirty sec- onds longer on the phone to add "Heels - or wear jeans - or casual-" "Would it be asking too much?" This - this is the worst faux pas of the century - you dress up - go someplace - there are strangers, but they look nice - (that's probably all you'll ever know - that they look nice) - your date, (lucky him) knows everyone and has at least 3 war stories to exchange with perhaps a dozen or so - You become a chain smoker and consider be- coming an alcoholic, as you pass the hours until door lock - very sad situation. There seem to be only two set patterns that fellows use to ar- range a date. First procedure - Call two weeks in advance - Tell her you'll let her know la- ter what to wear and where you're going - 2 weeks later and thirty minutes before you're ready to scream, or go out with a blind date - Or wonder if he's dead or drunk or both - You get a phone call - and blessed day - you find out what to wear and where to go and that he'll be by in ten minutes. Second procedure - Casually meet on Campus - he - I'll call you soon, save one nite of the week-end - and again 30 min- utes before you go out on Sat- urday night with the date you finally made on Friday night in sheer desperation - the phone call "Ready to go, hope you saved tonight, you promised you know"- And last of the faux pas - is - we realize the boys are freer creatures than women, they have no curfews or deadly door- locks with penalties of late min- utes - He, somewhere in the back of his mind, has the facts of such procedure which un- doubtedly hundreds of girls have informed him in the months he has spent dating at M U - 12 o'clock comes - Where is he? - (The worst is if he has passed out) other misfortunes; talking to old girl; explaining latest story (Continued on Page 34) 1 How To Get Over It When Dumped, jilted, shafted - don't mope - follow Swami's Advice. Get away from it all Surround yourself with new friends, new faces. Don't do anything drastic Oh well, she wasn't the only pebble on the beach. Julie's Pepsi-Cola A Coed's View of the Missouri Male (Continued from Page 31) to boys; can't be interrupted - One last drink - No place to park at 12: 30 - (If he only knew that spending a Saturday night campused by A. W. S. because of his thoughtlessness was not a girl's idea of the perfect even- ing--) Anything good to say about M U males? - Yes - lots - and it outweighs the bad in almost all the girls' opinions. Very seldom do you ever see a messy dressed boy - They all dress like the quite nice boys they are - Almost all of them can be forced, shocked, or cajoled into talking about worthwhile and impending subjects (other than marriage) and you know there really is something locked up in those grey cells that make him a real person with human emotions, definite tender-hearted- ness and potentialities - potenti- alities - potentialities - 'such stuff are dreams made of. Name Withheld Hollywood story: The actress rushed into her house scream- ing to her husband: "Darling, come quickly! Your children and my children are beating up our children!" An elderly lady, afraid she would miss her stop, poked the bus driver with her umbrella and asked, "Is this the public li- brary?" Driver: "No, lady, that's my sac- roiliac." Girl of the Month Peggy Marak Senior in Journalism . . Ad- vertising Major . President of Gamma Alpha Chi . . . Fanfare for Fifty '51, '52, '53 . . Women's Advertising Club of St. Louis Honorary Scholarship, '51-'52 . .Or- ganizations Editor of Savitar, '50-'51 . . . SGA . . . WSSF . . . Senior Panhellenic . . . Dean's Honor Roll . .Week- in-St. Louis Advertising Club Award . . Kappa Epsilon Alpha . .Advertising Man- ager of Showme, '51-52 . J-School Association Produc- tion Board . . AWS Fresh- man Orientation, '50-'51 . . . Activities Chairman . .Treas- urer . .President . Delta Delta Delta . . .21 . . Ma- plewood, Missouri Boy of the Month Joe Koenenn Senior in Arts and Science . . . Political Science Major . . President of Omicron Delta Kappa . . . Business Manager of Savitar . . . As- sistant News Editor, Busi- ness Manager of Missouri Student . . . IFC . . . Inter.- Fraternity Court, Chief Jus- tice . . . NROTC Scholarship . Chairman of Department of Public Relations of SGA, '51-52 . . . Who's Who in American Colleges and Uni- versities 1952, 1953 . Sigma Delta Chi . . . Com- mittee on Student Union and Activities, '51-52 . . . Dean's Honor List 1951 . . . Secre- tary . Treasurer . . . Theta Kapap Phi . . . 22 . . . Long Beach, Mississippi BRADY'S HOTEL GOVERNOR THE RATHSKELLER H.R. Mueller Florist Swami's Snorts You're a dear sweet girl. God bless you and keep you. I wish I could afford to. Salesman: Could I sell you some pajamas? Lady shopper: No, I don't wear them. Salesman: My name is Hardwick, Bob Hardwick. Robert Burns wrote, "To a Field Mouse". Did he get an answer? * * ** Tourist: Milking a cow? Yokel: Naw, just feeling her pulse. She couldn't get a man, so she bought a monkey and is waiting for evolution to take its course. "May I have this dance?" asked the freshman. "I'm sorry, but I never dance with a child," she said with an amused smile. "Oh, a thousand pardons," he said. "I didn't know your con- dition." There once was an actress named Hucer Whose agents all wished to se- duce her, The public went wild When she had her first child And now she's become a pro- ducer. Reformer: And furthermore, hell is just filled with cocktails, rou- lette wheels, and naughty cho- rus girls. Collegiate Voice from the Rear: Oh, death, where is thy sting? Collector: What do you say to paying the installment on this sofa of yours? Dumb Dora: Oh, goody! I was afraid you had come for the money. Who says the Russians have no sense of humor? Here's a joke that is currently rolling them in the aisles in Moscow: Puervi: Kto buila, c kotoroi ya videl bac, vcher yecherom? Torul: Ones net dama-ona moya zhenya! *** A frantic mother rushed into a doctor's office, dragging a four- year-old boy by the hand. "Doc- tor," she panted, "is this child capable of performing an appen- dectomy?" "Why, my dear lady," answer- ed the doctor, "don't be silly. Of course not." "See!" screamed the mother, "Now you march right out of here and put it back!" Woolf Brothers The Novus Shop Florence Fashions Zesto Hangnail Sketch by Defoe Copper We wandered through the dreary corridor of the dormitory, until we were suddenly chal- lenged by a sentry with a pad- dle. "Frat rat or GDI?" "GDI," we stuttered. "Pass, friend." At last we found the room of George D. Independent, well- known Greek-hater. George wel- comed us with open arms, when we told him we'd come for an interview. Or rather, he pointed to the cluttered bed, told us to sit down, and played out his hand. Then he graciously tossed the other poker players out the door and turned to us. "Well, what do you want?" "How did you get to be so well known?" we stammered. "It was easy. With all these eager Greeks jumping into activ- ities, I just curl up on my cot and sack out. The boys respect you more. And then I go on lit- tle Safaris like over to the Beta lawn and to throw rocks at pin- nings and serenades. You don't hvae to be an activity hound to be a wheel around here." "Do you really hate Greeks?" "Hell, no. I just caaaaain't stand 'em. They're just a bunch of cashmere-chumps. Why, some of my best friends are Greeks. Of course they ain't worth a damn, but they're not as bad as some." "George, do you date sorority girls or independents?" "Hell, no. My name's George D. Independent, and Susieville is my beat. They have all sorts of mixers and waffle suppers for us independents. Once in a while we do have exchange dinners with Johnston Hall or Gentry in Crowder Hall, but it isn't as fan- cy as some of those Greektown Dives. George D. Independent "You mentioned Crowder Hall. We've heard some foul rumors of foul food over there. Are they true?" " 'Course they're not true. The food at Crowder is better than Breisch's. It's just the bicarbonate of soda they have to serve after- ward that ruins everything. I saw a kid over there last night who didn't have time for the bicarb. It was horrible. About eight o'- clock, he started to double up, and clutch his stomach and turn- ed a Hinkson green. By the time we got him over to the Clinic, he was almost gone. They fin- ished the job." "Naturally." "You know, I'm President of the Independent Men's Associa- tion." "Yes, but what does the I.M.A. do?" "Why we study all the minutes of the IFC meetings, and then submit nasty articles to the STU- DENT. They'll print anything, you know. Then we have spies in all the Frat houses during Rush Week. They pick their noses and make idiotic remarks. Of course, it's hard to tell them from the brothers, but they cre- ate a bad impression, just the same. You might say we carry on guerrilla warfare." We thanked George D. Inde- pendent, and escaped into the corridor maze, where we were once again challenged by the sentry. The letters "GDI" we're like a magic charm, and it was all over. We had entered the stronghold and had secured our interview with the bandit chief. The End. He (at movies): Can you see all right? She: Yes. He: Is there a draft on you? She: No. He: Seat comfortable? She: Yes. He: Mind changing places? *** He: Do you sleep with your win- dows up or down? She: I don't sleep with my win- dows at all. * * * * Hush, little sex joke, don't you cry, You'll be a drama by and by. They all laughed when I stood up to sing. How did I know I was under the table? Life Savers Crossroads Miller's Ernie's Steak House Contributors' Page nola middleton Stamping her tiny foot, our heroine, Nola Middleton, snatch- ed a handy purse-sized revolver from her bag to finally convince another Columbia retailer of the opportunities that awaited him when he advertised in Show-Me. Then she cut him down from the ceiling so that he could sign on the dotted line. Nola's sales formula is simple - one black satin cocktail dress, a five-inch blackjack, six-inch eyelashes and a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-1 smile. While the fellas on Swami's advertising staff beat their gums vainly with selling points to re- tailers, Nola just bats her eye- lashes and sends out for more blanks. Nola is twenty-one and a sen- ior in merchandising. She says her only mission in life (outside of her home town of the same name) is to make Notre Dame co-educational. Beginning with her - and ending with her. However. while here at Miz- zou - "I love it" - her official address is the Chi Omega House (in by Twelve or you turn into a pumpkin). When she graduates she hopes to go into retailing. H-mn! Wonder how many ads she'll BUY in Show-Me? paul mullane Twenty two years ago Paul Mullane was born in East St. Louis at an early age and six years later Clara Bow became known as the bearded lady in that same city. The reason being that baby-faced Paul had laid down his cue stick for the last time to pick up crayons (when no one was looking) and devote his af- ternoons to some poster and bill- board art work. When his pa- rents discovered this, they re- turned the crayons and warned the tiny tot he'd grow up to be an aggie if he wasn't better-be- haved. He became a cartoonist for Show-Me instead and has been keeping Swami in stitches (nine over the eye last month) ever since with his wierd sense of humor. A senior in advertising, Paul claims he's none too bright-he was eighteen before he discov- ered that when girls spoke of a wool-lined hood, they weren't referring to his Uncle Louis. Still, he was smart enough to think to put his etchings on the ceiling of his room over at the fraternity house. Since he has to leave town this June its' nice that he hap- pens to be graduating then. Swami and the children are real- ly going to miss him. KNOX CAVANAGH BERG BYRON C & K DUNLAP DOBBS Camel Cigarettes