Showme Says Winter, 1963Showme Says Winter, 196320081963/Winterimage/jpegUniversity of Missouri Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book DivisionThese pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information.Missouri Showme Magazine CollectionUniversity of Missouri Digital Library Production ServicesColumbia, Missouri108show1963winterShowme Says Winter, 1963; by Students of the University of MissouriColumbia, MO 1963
All blank pages have been eliminated.
Showme says
Vote UUU
Winter, '63
"I need some perfumed notebook papers, a
can of spray net, a stuffed skunk, an orange sweat-
shirt, a Sigill Universitatis mug, and a book for Naval
Weapons 103. Where else could I buy all that?
"University Book Store" (Sigh)
the biggest political
issue on campus
Along the Campaign Trail
The Perishscope
The U. U. U. Platform
Adam Baughm's Political Diary
Adam Baughm's Scrapbook
The Great Orates
An untitled behind-the-scenes candid
view of the intricacies of student
political and governmental intrigues
(gasp)
Party Pin-ups
Letters from the Editors
Is Monopoly getting monotonous?
Try Oligopoly
The Wall
My Friend Gorg
Contributors
page
Showme is a University of Mis-
souri publication. Send all contri-
butions, complaints, letters to the
editors, pledges, etc. to room 302
Read Hall.
We publish sporadically (3 or 4
times a year) from the inner sanc-
tum of Mrs. Flynn's office. If you
want to steal anything from us for
republication, the least you could
do is tell us about it so maybe
we can get a copy of what you're
printing, or at least tell you what
kind of trouble we got into when
we published it.
Ad rates furnished on request
to anybody with money.
Printed by the devil-may-care
Coke friends at Modern Litho-Print
Co., Jefferson City.
our cover
Flinging his arm proudly sky-
ward in a gesture of well-flung
flingitude, Adam Baughm graces
Showme's campaign button cover.
Anybody who's anybody knows
Adam (flanked by his trusty sec-
ond, Isor) is the standard-bearer
for the Showme political party,
U.U.U. (Unitedly United Uniteds.)
Entering the campus political
race as a late-starting darkhorse,
U.U.U. (which is for you, You,
YOU) believes it can still sweep
to victory, largely because we have
merged with both of the remain-
ing parties. (A move which left
not a few hardy campaign workers
pushed, as it were, out of shape.)
To find out more about Adam,
read the rest of the mag. Then cut
out the button and proudly pin it
on your lapel. Use it as a lavalier.
Fake a parking sticker with it.
But remember ole Adam come
write-in vote time, you hear? (Cov-
er design by Ron Powers and Linda
Boeser)
friends of U.U.U.
Editors Ron Powers and Larry Roth
Business Manager Elaine Alberter
Feature Editor Mike Miner
Writers Paul Hirth, Jerry Goe, Frank Weltner,
Winston Gifford, Tell Neff
Art Editor Joe Jahraus
Artists Sandy Tyrpak, David Keller, Larry
Burks, Glen D. Harbison
Circulation Manager Steve Dansker
Exchange Editor Cynthia Harvey
Publicity Manager Charles Weiss
Beverly Yuchs, Shirley Allison, Bennett
Tarleton, Buzz Hyer, Chuch Zobac,
Linda Shuck, Win Gifford, Lois Olein,
Jack Felt, Erich Johnson, Bernard Zick
Advertising Manager Marty Eldred
Ad Salesmen Cindy Miller, Kathy Mussman
Housemother Linda Boeser
Typists Marvel Brown, Gwen Stewart, Linda
Williams, Mary Mason, Barbara Ulmer
Photographers Clyde Linsley, Gary Zumwalt,
Ted Funk
Isor and Adam Max Okenfuss, Spence Dehart
Inspirational Follower Jim McLeish
Faculty Walking Coach Phil Basson
Distributed by the happy characters in Theta Xi and Hardin House
3
FIGHT SONG OF THE UNITEDLY
UNITED UNITEDS* (UUU)
brisk fascisimo
UUU, let's all vote for UUU.
It will work for who, who, who?
It will work for you, you, you.
Vote our candidates steadfast,
Loyal, honest and true.
We'll put Missouri ahead fast.
What very fine things we will do!
Oh, YOU, you, you better vote for UUU.
It will work for you, you, you,
When UUU comes marching in.
*We were looking for a name that
rang with solidarity, the oneness of
purpose with which Showme was de-
termined to plunge into the fray and
fight for a better deal for old M.U.
We thrashed the matter out and UUU
was our final, compromise choice.
4
Around the Columns
As this issue of Showme maga-
zine goes to press, a taut atmos-
phere pervades the campus. The
battle lines are drawn. Challenges
are being issued, and issues are
being challenged.
It's campus politics time.
The parties - the Missouri Pro-
gressives and' the Alliance are by
this time swinging into the last
crucial few days of their cam-
paigns.
The race seems so tight that pos-
sibly the slightest tip of the scales
could swing the marginal votes
one way or another. The Man-
eater has pledged impartiality.
Savitar hasn't come out yet. Mid-
lands is still being interpreted on
the Third Level. The Missourian
is considering the Issues.
That takes care of every publi-
cation ever to appear on this cam-
pus that we can think of - oh
yes, there is one more. We'll talk
about that one a little later.
Anyway, the really big question
around Francis Quadrangle is, Will
Showme Support a Candidate?
Will Showme Align itself with a
Party? Are the Scales headed for
Tipsville?
The answer is Yes.
Showme has studied the Mis-
souri Progressives. Showme has
studied the Alliance. Showme has
studied - and studied - and -
And leaped nobly into the breach
with a Party of its own, the U.U.U.
(Unitedly United Uniteds.)
Consider if you will the merits
of U.U.U. (It's for you, You, YOU!)
Look at our candidates, the noble
(though small of stature) Adam
Baughm, an explosive individual
indeed (if you will pardon us a
little levity. for we do heartily
feel that Humor is an essential in-
gredient in the American Way of
Life.)
Follow Adam and his mysterious
sidekick, Isor, through our politi-
cal pages. Learn his stands, his is-
sues. And vote, cool reader. The
write-in is a large weapon indeed.
Look at Bishop Tomlinson. Look
at Hollingsworth.
The biggest political issue on
campus is, at this moment, verily,
in your hands.
Oh, yeah - about that one oth-
er publication - the M-Book -
never take sides.
We like U.U.U. because it's
the only party that doesn't
pretend to exist.
" . . And on your right is pic-
turesque Jay H. Neff Hall. Built
in 1909, the structure housed the
world's first school of journalism,
and is one of the most revered
landmarks in Boone County.
"The attractive old gold and
black fallout-shelter sign was
added in 1963-"
Geez, they're everywhere. The
little gold signs with the little
black triangles. It looks like every
building on campus is the Tri-Delt
Annex. Somebody is making a
mint, and it's anybody's guess how
long it will take the M-Store to
come out with Fallout Shelter car
decals . . .
We hear they've had to condemn
three shelters already because they
weren't approved by University
Housing . . . anybody caught hid-
ing in one during a nuclear attack
would automatically be expelled
from school . . . two others were
put on six months probation by
the Better Business Bureau . . .
they didn't have a license to dis-
tribute crackers and water . . .
Tell you what . . . we'll give our
support to any political party that
comes out with a platform plank
saying they'll take down the Fall-
out Shelter signs and replace them
with old Showme pin-ups.
There is absolutely no danger
of a nuclear attack on Columbia
anyway. First place, Russia has
never heard of it. Second place
they couldn't find it, and mainly
the Chamber of Commerce
wouldn't let anything that new in-
side the city limits anyway.
* * **
ALONG THE
CAMPAIGN TRAIL
with
ADAM BAUGHM
by Ron Powers
photography by Clyde Linsley
Only Adam Baughm could have said ii
so well. And he did when he tossed his hat into
the ring to the wild cheers of the U.U.U. party
caucus.
What Adam Baughm said more than
marked the start of a great and glorious cam-
paign, which will be depicted in the following
photographs. What Adam Baughm said more
than marked the sentiments of a great sprawling
Midwestern campus. What Adam Baughm said
more than caught the imagination of all those
who heard his words.
What Adam Baughm said dern near got
him kicked out of school, and we'll thank him
not to open his fat little mouth again till this
campaign's over.
Here we see Adam Baughm, typical young
campus political party hopeful, hitting the Cam-
paign Trail with his typical sidekick, Isor. Adam is
carrying a typical soap box. "To win any campaign,
you've got to be a little fruit," laughs Adam.
First stop on any Campaign Trail is the bit where you kiss the
babies. Since there aren't any babies to speak of on the MU campus,
Adam chooses the next best thing - Pi Phi's. As Adam bashfully
ducks photographer's flash, mysterious sidekick Isor proves he isn't
so mysterious after all.
Next stop on any Campaign Trail is the bit
where you keep on kissing babies. Playful ole Isor
gags it up in background as Adam, in serious mo-
ment, threatens photographer who seems to be leav-
ing.
Talking To The Troops is a good way to prove
you're just One of the Fellows. Here Adam prom-
ises ROTC student the colonel's head on a platter.
Isor isn't talking while the flavor lasts.
Here Adam is seen Down On Main Street, USA,
passing the time of day with some of the Plain
Folks. Like ole Plain Folks George McDaniel, for
instance. And ole Homespun Chuck Closser. Just
how humble can you get?
But the campaign has its tough moments. Adam
and Isor meditate on very important campaign is-
sue. Very important campaign issue being: How
to overcome silly oversight like forgetting to reg-
ister party with Division of Student Affairs?
OK KIDDING ASIDE,
WHAT DOES
M. P. OFFER?
Candidates with knowledge of how MSA
truly works - not how they think it works
- through months of experience
M.P.'s platform takes specific stands on
getting student wages raised to $1 hour in
Columbia - and how to do it
M.P. does not believe in charging others.
It is only interested in informing you NOW
of what it can do for you with your sup-
port
We offer you rational, specific pro-
posals, qualified candidates repre-
senting the entire campus equally.
We don't believe in emotional cam-
paign gimmicks or personal charges.
VOTE FOR: Gary Dickinson for President
Dave Rawlings for Treasurer
Paul Lyon for Vice-President
Sherri Sieving for Secretary
THE UNITY PARTY
Such minor problems are for-
gotten in the midst of thrilling
whistle-stop campaign. In above
photo, Adam stops to whistle. In
photo not released by Adam,
pasing co-ed gives Adam fat lip.
And so Adam Baughm, typi-
cal young campus political par-
ty hopeful, Discusses the Issues
Straight From the Shoulder as
the campaign draws to a close.
Voters would Do Well to re-
member his words: "If I lose
this election, so help me I'll
have Isor split every one of
your lousy heads with an al-
pinstock. That's how Trotsky
got it."
8
The Old Heidelberg Restaurant
The Perishscope
Political Poopline
Sabres were rattled and shakeups reverbe-
rated through SHOWME's two major political
opponents, ICU and UCMe during the past week.
The major problem confronting the inter-
ested observer after the dust had settled was,
namely, the apparent disappearance of ICU and
USMe.
The personnel of the parties, to be sure,
could be accounted for. Natty, suave young ICU
leader Oak Treefuz, was last seen picking his
nose with his left little toenail in the Student
Union belfry, while his opponent, wily old cam-
paigner Farce Malcontent had surrendered un-
der threat of teargas to forces from the Student
Mental Hygiene Clinic. It had been a trying
week indeed for both sides of the political fence.
But the parties - they had seemingly ceased
to exist, with a streetfight in front of the Mis-
souri Store bringing to a "zippy" end the week's
caucus activities.
Chinks Open
Action started last Sunday with verbal darts
being tossed by the adroit Treefuz, who opened
a chink in Malcontent's political armor by re-
viving old rumors that his (Malcontent's) mother
wore GI shoes.
"All the hemlock in the world couldn't make
you another Socrates," retorted Malcontent, and
the battle was on.
Astute observers from Laws Hall to the
chemistry building who anticipated some real
political "in-fighting" were not disappointed.
Treefuz, the brash (Let's get in theer and grab
what we can, gang) young (10) political science
major with a minor in juvenile delinquency,
grabbed the initiative. His nettles up after Mal-
content's scorching rebuttal (see above), Tree-
fuz persuaded UCMe magnate Olag Oaf (senior
in Community Recreation) to sell out to the ICU
party.
But what the cagy Treefuz didn't know was
that the crafty Malcontent, anticipating the
move, had secretly instructed Oaf to fake a
sell-out and in reality to induce several mem-
bers of his (Treefuz's) party to sell out to him
(Malcontent, or was it Oaf.)
Malcontent, the sly old (73) campus veteran
(he came as part of the Land Grant), had his
jollies. But they were short-lived. As Malcon-
tent himself pointed out to a photographer, "Get
away from me with that thing, Buster, or I'll
call a campus cop!"
Treefuz Scores
In a brilliant display of political savvy and
know-how, the young Treefuz scored a coup by
enlisting the aid of the University aids and
awards department (with promises of political
spoils) to buy out the entire UCMe party. The
move would have gone across and borne the
youthful hopeful to victory city had not Mal-
content, getting wind of the move by a spy who
had sold out, cashed in his social security
checks, his war bonds, and gone on relief to
buy a majority share of stock in the University
(now called Malcontent U.)
Foxy old Malcontent had his adversary
backed into a corner. The enraged Treefuz at-
tempted a face saving last-ditch stand by publi-
cizing a bylined story in the campus newspaper
(see The Arts) which stated a prominent mem-
ber of Malcontent's party had at one time been
refused a date by every co-ed in the Big Eight.
But his words were lost in the din as re-
sourceful old Farce Malcontent proved the darl-
ing of the press corps with his off-the-cuff quips
during the first major press conference of the
campaign:
ONE THE UCMe PLATFORM: "Ha ha. Plat-
form. Ha ha. That's a good question. Ha ha. Next
question."
ON THE NEGATIVE HOUR QUESTION:
"We're all thinking positively about negative
hours. Heh heh. Did you get that, boys?"
ON CORE: "This University will never be
another Oxford."
ON CULTURAL PLANS: "I'm gonna find me
a woman like Jackie. Now there's a powerful
hunk of woman."
Gross Battle
But the storm had not subsided. Malcontent
was yet to hear the last from the youthful fire-
brand Treefuz. Displaying great sportsmanship,
Treefuz dug into the records at Jesse Hall and
discovered that Malcontent had not registered
for classes for the previous three semesters.
With this information in hand, and having
bribed the Jesse Hall cashier to sell out to ICU,
Treefuz without warning bought out UCMe,
sold out ICU, and wound up as the sellout can-
didate for his opponent's party. This left Mal-
content, as he himself later humorously put it,
"Shafted."
Is Anybody Still Reading?
Reacting with amazing aclarity, Malcontent
challenged Treefuz's forces to a little action in
front of the M-Store. Treefuz quickly agreed,
and the fight was on.
Describing the proceedings later, Treefuz
said, "I got hit in the groin with a brass ashtray
and had to quit early. I think I got a hernia.
But on the whole I found the spectacle rather
chaotic compared to, say, the Tiger basketball
games."
The U.U.U. Platform
"One of the most important planks in our
platform is the one our candidate may soon be
walking." -old political proverb.
It is with deep Gravity that we undertake
to do the political bit here on this campus. We
feel like there's quite a Bit Going On here that
there isn't but what they could be made any
great number of Improvements on and it looks
like the Existing System could be changed and
what not. Look at the Student Union.
What we did is a bunch of us got together
and held a lot of midnight caucuses and sent
out to Brag-of-Chicken at all ungodly hours of
the night when we was supposed to be study-
ing, and we threw it around with some of the
guys on the floor, only we didn't let 'em in on
everything we had in mind, and contacted some
pretty significant Campus Guns and lined up
Support and got up some Controversial Issues
which we feel have been vastly overlooked,
and first thing you knew we had us a Campus
Political Party. Now a lot of Certain people
think campus politics is nothing but a lot of
hand shakin and that garbage, but we have a
lot of Significant Issues on which we are going
to take a Stand, that is if the off campus inde-
pendents don't Sell Out on us. They know more
than they're Telling.
One of the fellows who we got to be in
our Party took and drew up a list of some of
the stuff we stand for Unflinchingly. We here-
with set it down for all eyes to see and make
Public Note off of.
1. Greater emphasis on the things we as
students deem important that they be empha-
sized. Look at the Student Union. Look at France.
2. A definite stand on the CORE issue.
3. A thank-you letter to Julie London. We
feel such an action is long over due.
4. That the Maneater get off of our backs.
What we feel like is if a fella can't say anything
nice about campus politics he shouldn't have to
say anything at all. Look at the New York Her-
ald-Tribune.
5. That housemothers wouldn't get all
pushed out of shape when some girl comes in
late. Look at Sweden.
6. Do something about Brewer Fieldhouse.
7. Represent all the students fairly and
honestly, except for those who Sell Out on us.
8. If anything Significant comes up to be
done, do it.
9. Make Who's Who.
10. Rebuild Academic Hall. It's about time
they did something. Look at Chicago.
11. If any Russians or anybody comes to
our campus, act shifty. You never know what
those people have up their sleeve.
12. But be nice to 'em if they don't start
anything. Look at Matt Dillon.
13. Encourage everybody to study hard
and make better grades. What we feel like is,
what's a Universitie for, anyway.
Adam Baughm's Political Diary
Adam Baughm has never been one to shirk responsibility. Regularly, during the rugged campaign,
Baughm would somehow find the time to take quill in hand and fulfill his obligation to historians of
later years.
Jan. 3 - Tough blow today. Found out our sec-
retarial candidate (unannounced, of course) is a spy
for ICU. We all kind of hated to start mudslinging
about her because she's such a sweet kid, but then
politics is no kids' game and we sure can't let her
win. I mean, what's to lose, considering the ICU
candidate is really finking for us.
Jan. 7 - Chance for a merger with TTFM (Top
Two Floors Marmaduke) looks real good. They claim
they can't find a viable presidential candidate (or was
it pliable, or something). Anyway, had two-hour se-
cret meeting with them tonight in back room of the
Tiger Inn. Went real well. Nobody said anything but
I'm pretty sure we outstared them.
Jan. 11 - Great! Cool! Neat! New overcoat I
ordered came today and is it sharp! Collar's special
made just like I wanted. Reaches to top of ears. Am
I a really-big gun now? Ah, boy! (Hope to wear over-
coat to emergency meeting with TTFM we're going
to call at 11:59 tomorrow night.)
Jan. 12 - Just got back from emergency meet-
ing with TTEM. Really looks good now. Manny Shkoff,
their big gun, promised to go in with us. In return we
gave him a co-party chairmanship (sixth so far) and
top spot on UUU ticket next year. Also made him
squad leader of Tappa Keg Commandoes. Those
TTFM's play rough. Had one guy whose collar went
up to his cowlick. Understand they brought him in
from East St. Louis, special agent.
Jan. 13 - Lost Tappa Kegs. Claim they don't
want independent squad leader. Party reeled for while
but all okay now. Whipped up proposal for depart-
ment in charge of Julie London thank you not be-
cause this is one plank we are all very sincere about.
Promised chairmanship to O.A.T.'s. Also pointed out
fact our party chairman (original) is House prexy's
language lab instructor. O.A.T.'s with us now.
Jan. 18 - What! Turned out Shkoff only con-
trolled half of top floor Marmaduke. Dirty double
dealer! Can't break promise so we disbanded party,
formed Eceptional Leadership for Campus Revival
(X.L.C.R.), left Shkoff out. Cool move.
Jan. 23 - Amelia Sam, Dobbs Group gun, came
out publicly for U.U.U. today. Can't describe how
relieved we all are to get her solid support. Hope
her statement counteracts that blast elsewhere in the
Maneater calling us "the biggest collection of crack-
pots and hypocritical opportunists ever to permeate
campus politics." Lies! Lies! Lies! (to my knowledge).
Feb. 3 - Held really big party caucus today. The
Big Chief sure did make a really swell keynote
speech. I mean he stood so tall and handsome and he
didn't belch at all like he does in private and his
socks were fresh and he didn't wear that moldy ascot.
But mainly his ready wit just had everyone in
stitches and he sure did make some salient points that
I had to have explained to me later they were so
profound and sharp. Golly, I was so excited I forgot
my acceptance speech but that was okay because
they said they run out of time so I couldn't make it
anyway. But I didn't care. I mean because my little
words would dwindle into insignificance coming after
that magnificent . . . oh, I can't write any more I'm
trembling too much.
Feb. 8 - Had emergency meeting with Rodney
Tool, smooth mastermind behind the other half of
top floor Marmaduke machine. Pointed out X.L.C.R.
name not strong enough to pull off-campus indepen-
dent Sociology bloc. Suggester merger would be good
excuse to change name to B.B.G. (Backed by God).
I kind of liked the ring of it but kept opinion to my-
self.
Feb. 12 - Don't know what to think. Held party
caucus and we split three ways. Still pretty sure I'm
a presidential candidate but don't know if I'm on
U.U.U., X.L.C.R., or B.B.G. ticket. Advised to keep
mouth shut for time being. Will eagerly comply for
the welfare of all concerned.
Feb. 15 - Amelia Sam is gone! Publicly an-
nounced that her loyalties lie with U.C.Me. An ir-
replaceable loss but at least all factions have united
in the face of this bitter blow and we hope to carry
on . . . some how. Shkoff is new U.C.Me VP candi-
date so all decided it was safe to go back to U.U.U.
Onward to victory, Triple U!
Feb. 16 - This is a problem. I.C.U. offered me
credentials chairman if I go with them. Not quite as
much power as President but who wants to be a loser.
Hate to leave my pals in U.U.U. but after all . . . Oh
conscience . . . Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.
Feb. 17 - Victory for I.C.U. Those mealy-mouthed
U.U.U.'s just don't realize they don't have a chance
without the off-campus independent Sociology bloc.
Don't know why I wasn't with I.C.U. all along.
Feb. 18 - Victory for U.U.U. Cool move pulling
in of-campus independent Sociology bloc with prom-
ise of chairmanship of continuing negotiations with
Julie London committee. Of course I was with them
all along. Face elections with serene confidence. The
students will surely support the party dedicated sole-
ly to their constant welfare, besides the boys will find
some way to win. Sure hope they let me make accep-
tance speech. Cause Mom'll be there.
11
Woolf
Brothers
"Don't look so smug. If Woolf Brothers had taken
out a bigger ad, you could have seen the sun deck."
12
"It's no use. We can't leave till that mushroom cloud goes away."
Pizza de Resistance
The Agora House
"How 'bout putting this transfer student from Harvard on the ballot
somewhere?"
13
Adam Baughm's
Scrapbook
The Novus
Shop
" . and furhermore, either I get M. S. A. president or . I'll bury
you!"
15
The Great Orates:
ADAM SPEAKS TO THE GREEKS
(Cough) . . . (Raise both hands
in the official party victory sign.)
. .(applause) . . . (cough again)
. . My friends . . . (yukh!) . . .
This is a momentous occasion
(cough) . because UUU has gath-
ered here a larger body of fraterni-
ties . . . and sororities than has
I . . C . . U!, - or, . . UCMe.
We have ALL helped in this cam-
paign. And the rewards belong to
us ALL!! . . . (applause) . . .
TOGETHER we have braved
many Political Storms. Of course,
overpromising our appointments
to MSA was a mistake, yet, any-
one is entitled to make mistakes
- and its is a true sign of great-
ness that UUU has been able to
let by-gones be by-gones.
But the election is still a week
away, and . . . we must not let up!
We all known that our opponents
are going to come to us and put
out a lot of meaningless dribble!,
and no good, corrupt promises to
some of us . . . (cough) . . . in an
attempt to split UUU before the
election. . . . (pause) . . . But let
me warn us! - I mean "you!" . . .
that THEIR promises are no better
16
than ours. You can't get any bet-
ter "deal". So forget it!
Just remember that Big Gold
Mine in the Sky - MSA, with all
those be-ee-u-ti-ful appointments!
-awaits us! . . . Because the win-
ning party is the UUU Party! . . .
(thunderous ovation.) . . . Another
thing . . . We want only those peo-
ple in our party . . who can think!
That's it! We need thinkers who
can give us new ideas during this
last week of campaigning. There-
fore . . . if EVEN ONE PERSON!
. . IN ANY HOUSE . . VOTES
(augggh!) . . to go ICU - THEN
FORGET IT AGAIN!!! FORGET
the appointment bit, and the Vic-
tory Party, and . . . and . . . and
. . . EVERything!!! We don't want
YOUR KIND in MSA. Let's get
that straight right here, once and
for all. Right? (Right.)
Now, before we go . . I want to
get down (thunderous applause) to
party business for a while. Now
let's see . . . Ummm . . . Oh! . . .
Yes! . . . Schobbs from the Beta
Eta Eta Rho house is in charge of
passing all secret UUU messages
in the cake donuts this week. If
any of you want a secret message
passed, see Schobbs. He'll be over
behind the self-service coke thing.
Judy Wortz of Beta Rho Alpha
Sorority will hand out the trench
coats for the Beta Mu Omega Chi
undercover men.
Robert Rublestilt of Sigma Ep-
silon Alpha Kappa is in charge of
sending all official rumors thru
greektown. . . Oh yes . . . We are
going to send out our rumors fast-
er this week to see if we can't con-
fuse ICU into thinking that we're
holding solid all the way. . we
ARE, of course.
And. let me . . . see now
Barnswish! Barnswish . . . of the
Gamma Gona Ginya House will be
in charge of keeping an eye out
for JJ. He'll also be guarding our
secret files in the Little Miss Miz-
zou Shop.
OK!! . . . I guess . . . that just
about does it!
Just one last thing: UUU needs
more SPIRIT during this last week!
Especially in the M-Bar! WE want
ALL of you to go down to the
M-Bar each and every day and act
out your enthusiasm and intrigue
bits. Now, the trench coats, cake
donuts, secret files . . . EVERY-
THING . . . will be there . . . and
so, there is NO EXCUSE FOR
ANY OF YOU NOT DOING YOUR
PART!
Now, it stands to reason that this
election will be the same as those
in the past. So, if you'll just par-
ticipate down at the M-Bar, then
the ICU slobs will see that we're
out-intriguing them and will switch
over to UUU where they can have
more fun.
So! . . . get your ferns over there
tomorrow, and LET'S ALL DO
OUR BEST TO SHOW A GOOD
"IMAGE" TO THE I.C.U. SLOBS!!
. . . Right? (Right.) . . Yeah! .
(Yeah) . .
The Great Orates:
ADAM SPEAKS TO THE GDI'S
. (Cough) . . (gulp!) . . . My
Fellow Independents . . (Yukh!)
. Let me say first of all . that
. . I come to you today . . . not
. as a Greek, . . not as an Aggie,
. not as a power-hungry ADO-
LESCENT, but as a sincere friend
who has the True Independent In-
terest at heart . . . yukh!) . . .
Now, I know what you are going
to say . . . I KNOW that you are
going to say that I could not pos-
sibly be interested in the Inde-
pendents, . . . because I have . . .
(gulp!) . . . Greek support . . .
Well, I want to get one thing
straight with you right off. I am
not in this campaign (thunderous
applause) . . . for personal glory
. (cough). . (cough) . (cough,
cough) . . (laughs) . . . Rather, I
enter this campaign as one, who
-like you . . . (yukh!) - is ex-
tremely interested in student gov-
ernment.
You don't have to tell me! . .
I KNOW that there are many of
you here who are . . . (gasp!) . . .
APATHETIC! Yes, it is true! Now,
our party has spent many hours in
earnest lining up Greek support,
Independent support, and any oth-
er students interested in student
government. The fact is, that
THERE WILL BE AN MSA ELEC-
TION NEXT WEEK . Believe it!
. . Every single year! . . . MSA
holds AN ELECTION! Two years
ago, in fact, MSA held an unpreci-
dented TWO ELECTIONS! Now . .
this ought to be enough proof to
convince you skeptics that MSA
DOES EXIST! . . Really! . . .
Come on, believe it . . . please?
. . (yukh!)
Well, before I take up too much
of your time, let me say a few
words about our platform. The
UUU Political Party promises to
WORK, WORK, WORK! And, to
the best of our ability . . . (cough)
. we are going to accomplish all
of our platform proposals . . .
(cough, choke, gasp)
We propose to abolish ALL Neg-
ative Hours . . . (applause) . . . We
will do this by inviting any inter-
ested Independent to boycott the
Negative Hour Days. (Guffaws.)
Don't laugh! We are offering the
Independents this chance to dem-
onstrate what they CAN do, and
to prove to you once and for all
that you DO have a place in Stu-
dent Government. (cheers).
Secondly. At the NEXT POS-
SIBLE DATE after our Party is
elected, we will hold a Referen-
dum in which ALL of the students
at the University will have a
chance to decide, once and for all,
why they DON'T want in NSA
. . . (no reaction) . . . After all, it's
your organization and we feel that
you should be the ones to decide
this important Question. (Thunder-
ous applause).
Also, we offer any Independent
the chance to petition for all sorts
of MSA jobs. Special announce-
ment! . . . Silence . . . Petitioning
is now open for Janitorial Research
in the Student Union! And I expect
every one of you Independents to
apply for this position right away.
(Applause) . . . This is the only
way for you to get into student
government, you know. I can't im-
press it upon you enough! You've
got to get up off of your coffee
pots and GET DOWN THERE AND
PETITION! WE CAN'T DO IT FOR
YOU. YOU'VE got to do it your-
self - that's the ONLY way. (Ap-
plause). I mean, if you're not go-
ing to show up at the M-Bar then
you're going to have to petition.
That's the only other way to get
into Student Government. (No re-
action).
. . . (cough) . . . Well, I see that
my time is up. (Applause). Just
let me say one more thing. There's
been a lot of talk about the Inde-
pendents not getting their fair
share of influence in MSA . .
Yeah! . . . (Yeah?) . . Yeah! .
(Yukh!) . . . Let me assure you
. . . (choke) . . . that UUU will
give jobs to ALL students regard-
less of race, creed, color, affilia-
tion or inteligence. (Applause).
UUU stands for YOU, YOU, and
YOU! (. . . Okay! . . Olay!)
. . Of course, we can't guaran-
tee that your petition will be ac-
cepted simply because you are an
Independent. (Inquiring faces) . .
but you must not be disappointed.
Remember! There are other stu-
dents on this campus besides Inde-
pendents . . . (WE know! . . . we
know! . . . ). So, keep trying! Be-
cause UUU WILL help EVERY
STUDENT all it can. (Applause).
And remember! Show your ap-
preciation to all those in UUU who
have made this campaign possible.
Just get out there and VOTE!
(Yeh!) That's all you got to do -
and thank you ALL again. You're
ALL WONDERFUL! . . (Yeh!) . .
you're ALL a real tribute to this
wonderful UUU campaign which
our people have worked so hard
on . . . (Applause) . . (EXIT) . .
(YUKH!) .
17
.AND VOTE
U.U.U.
As cute as an Alliance but-
ton, like the lovely votes that
falleth from the hands of "Big
A" supporters into the ballot
box come Tuesday - that's Al-
liance's striking party image in
either photo black and white
or living luscious pink.
Cheryl Kammermeyer is one
of Donnelly Hall's strongest
Alliance backers and undoubt-
edly a hoped for delegate at
large to every men's caucus.
Prompting people to clear
the aisles at Smith Cafeteria
and get out to shout at rallies
comes easy for this pert 5-3
education major. Cheryl was a
cheerleader at her St. Louis
high school.
Showme seconds the motion
of the Rolla Miners who chose
Cheryl this year's Military Ball
queen on December 1.
After the ball is over, their
loss may spell Alliance's vic-
tory.
Perhaps you've heard that
both parties are almost alike.
Well, half of their pinups'
names are so much alike you
couldn't get a sound truck's
blast between them.
The cheery, friendly face of
Missouri Progressive is that of
a sound-alike, Sheryl McCub-
bins, a 5-5 Arts & Science fresh-
man whose ambition is-you'd
never guess in a hundred re-
counts - to become a regular
Showme cartoonist contribu-
tor.
But while at home during
the summer, brown - eyed
Sheryl enjoys water skiing and
tennis. Taking her Tennessee
Walker horse to riding shows
in a 100-mile radius of her
home in Cabool, Missouri, is a
great way to horse around, she
explains.
For now at least, as the cam-
paign heads into the stretch
it's all work that tests Gentry
Hall's candidate for the girl
most likely to succeed at Miz-
zou without really trying.
"She's a lotta girl," sighs
Adam as he eyes Shirley Tem-
plemeyer, who is proud to be
the U.U.U. pin-up. "I fell for
her the first time I saw her."
(Actually, she fell over Adam
the first time she didn't see
him.)
Anyway, they're good
friends now and working hard
for U.U.U. and Showme, too.
Shirley is the freshman pre-
Journalism doll who holds
down the president's job in
Donnelly Hall.
Letters from the Editors
A publication of the quality, firm editorial stand, and
general appeal of SHOWME is always deluged with
letters from readers and mothers of readers and cler-
gymen, etc. So, after our initial issue last November,
we sat back and waited for the mail to start pouring
in.
And waited.
After three weeks the first (and, as you have al-
ready guessed, only) letter graced our mailbox:
Dear Sirs:
Congratulations and continued success on your
fine-looking magazine. All of us down here at the
print shop were delighted!
You owe us $987.13.
Sincerely,
etc.
Our empty mailbox caused much perplexion,
mostly because we needed letters from our readers
to fill up space in this issue. As our deadline drew
near, it became evident that we would have to write
our own versions of the letters we thought we should
have received.
At least one should have been slipped under
our door:
Editors, Showme:
We have been reading your magazine on the
third level for several weeks now, and can't make
heads or tails of it.
Yours truly,
Pi Xi
And one that we're sure was sent, but must have
got lost in the mails:
Dear Boys,
What a wonderful, terrific, glorious, professional-
looking magazine! We didn't understand it all, but
we still think it was marvelous and have each bought
five copies.
Love,
Your Mothers
We should have received some nasties, like
Editors, Showme:
You must realize, of course, that your amateur
attempt at publication borders upon unfair competi-
tion under the system of free enterprise controlled
by the University. If this continues, we shall bring
disciplinary and injunctive measures against you
through proper channels.
Yours creatively,
Midlands
There is one letter that we would like to have
received. Quite frankly, people, we think it's your
fault that we didn't.
Editors, Showme:
My business has tripled since I ran an ad in your
last issue! Panting, drooling consumer-students have
mobbed my store every day since you published!! In
your next issue I would like to run a two-page color
spread instead of the two-inch square I had last time.
May I pay in advance?
Sweetness and Light
(Continued on Page 35)
Burger Chef
So You're a
Genius?
Trouble is, nobody has no-
ticed it but you, huh? Might
as well face it: Your talents
are as obscure as haiku,
aren't they?
We're here to help you.
Simply follow these direc-
tions:
First, write a masterpiece
for publication in Showme
(that's the easy part.)
Then, type it double space
and sign your name on the
top, bottom, or side of the
manuscript. If you sign it
legibly (we don't want to
crimp your creativity) you
might get stuck on the staff
list.
The last step is to find a
track jock and con him into
running your goodies up to
room 302 Read Hall.
Showme will gladly re-
ceive your stories, cartoons,
poetry, ideas, due bills or
large quantities of trading
stamps.
Since you're a genius.
Pucketts
Burger Chef
"Ancient Art and Archaeology. What's yours?"
"Date much?"
PLA-BOY
DRIVE-IN
Town & Country
Any Way You Look At It It's
Oligopoly
Any Way You ook At It It's
Oligopoly
Uncle Sam
Wants You
Petition Now
"Shucks, I thought he was a engineer 'til after I run 'im plum through
with my pitchfork. Then I found out he was just a beatnik."
Dear Mom and Dad,
Golly, it is exciting here at the University right now because the student elections are coming up next
week sometime. A lot of it is even over my head but I think I can tell you something about how it is.
The University has a Red Campus and a White Campus which now divide the two political parties
and neither will make a treaty with the other. The first party is the Voluntary Organization of Pedagogically
Oriented Students, abbreviated VOPOS. Last week they set up barbed wire cutting the campus in two.
Before this, the students could enter any sector of the campus. But so many of the people on the Red
Campus left there to live on the White Campus that the VOPOS were losing too many votes. So, Mom, they
built a wall!
The other political party was alarmed. They formed the "CL" Party (short for Certain Letters censored
by the Board) as a stop-gap measure. After negotiations it was decided two check-points would be kept open
for students wishing to enter either sector.
I have classes on both sides of the wall. When going into the Red Sector, I am supposed to use the
Missouri Book Store Check-Point controlled by theVOPOS. When I come back to the White Sector I am
supposed to use the Library Check Point. The "CL" 's control this check point, and they make me open my
briefcase to see if I am carrying any guns or atomic weapons or anything. (Believe me, it's embarrassing at
times).
Anyway, some students want to get the Campus back together again. The "CL's" seem to support this
idea, since their half of the campus lies inside Red territory. Every day they rush their support up to the
White Campus using their only access route, which is called the Mall.
One of these pro-union students told me that Campus Politicians were just a bunch of nurds. That kind
of worried me, so I talked to one of the VOPOS Senators. He told me (and of course this is confidential and
you shouldn't tell anyone) that student government was really a farce and that they (the Senators that is)
couldn't do anything unless the Administration also wanted to do it. I don't know why he wanted to keep
it such a big secret and all for. I mean everybody really knows it's true and all.
But with everybody running round and looking at the Wall and going through check points and get-
ting frisked in the Library, maybe they don't know it. I mean, you'd think that if the students knew it was
a farce they'd quit fighting among themselves and start trying to get the Red and White Campii (that's U.
talk, Mom) united again into one Campus. And then, maybe, the students could run their own campus
through their own government. And, gee! Then student government would be for real. I really believe it,
Mom, so that's why I've accepted the important job of Assistant Errand Boy of Decoded Wire Taps for the
"CL" 's. It's a lot of work, Mom, but it really is important. And that's why my grades were pretty bad
first semester.
Love
66464
Frank Weltner
31
Gorg! Hey, GORG!
Just like I said, Gorg They
mode me a big political
gun. You should have
come, too, Gorg, Baby.
Bow down to Irving, Junior
Assistant Coordinator of
Credentials for south group
Undergraduate Ferns
Did you hear
that Gorg? Is that
unreal?
They gave me 93 luscious
girls or my committee,
Gorg. Wow Yuk. Urk
Wurzle. Igglspfzz!
..and the hairiest
title in the party. So
hairy it's unreal, Gorg.
I'm really a big man
on campus now Gorg.
Contributor's Page
PAUL HIRTH
Perhaps the greatest testimonial
to the genius of Paul Hirth and
Jerry Goe, SHOWME's master ma-
hatmas, is the fact that despite the
current vogue enjoyed by theatre
of the absurd, Ashes in a Pajama
Pocket, our subject's two-year old
masterpiece, is still regarded by
percipients to be the greatest non
sequitur drama ever written.
Individually, Hirth has created
Toothpaste on Toast, certainly his-
tory's only play one-eighth of a
scene long which is embellished
by two production numbers, while
Goe is the author of Untitled, the
definitive study of eight pieces of
bread.
Sadly, America's primitive cul-
ture has not yet sought to embrace
the literary revolution wrought by
the forementioned works.
Toothpaste alone has been pub-
lished and that can be found in
the recent issue of MAJOR CRISIS,
our subject's own think magazine
which, in the opinion of campus
intellectuals, appears far too sel-
dom, indeed.
So it is a good thing for all of
us that Goe and Hirth cheerfully
condescend to the grasps of the
masses and appear regularly in the
pages of SHOWME.
34
ELAINE ALBERTER
Readers may remember this mul-
ti-talented pair from their exciting
performances in Best Side Story.
of late great Savitar Frolic glory.
Goe's dynamic portrayal of Fris-
bee, the Grade-Point Greek was but
narrowly overlooked in the best
actor judging, while Hirth's mas-
terful interpretation of David Ben
Garyindiana rightly earned him a
bid from a Jewish fraternity.
Good sports both, Hirth and Goe
frequently put aside their esoteric
pursuits to humor their instructors
with classroom appearances, Hirth
most recently in the Department
of English, Goe in his chemistry
courses.
But home is an undescribably
decorated room on the top floor of
Major House (which Goe governs).
Would-be followers are encuraged
to pilgrimage there.
Others will have to be satisfied
with their frequent SHOWME vis-
its. And perhaps, for most of us,
this diluted communication is real-
ly for the best.
For weeks - we've been trying
to reach Elaine Alberter!
You know, the beautiful, some-
times blonde who is the business
JERRY GOE
end of Showme. We can never get
her on the phone because as ChiO
social chairman she keeps every
line in the house busy.
Of course, most of the time she
isn't even there. Besides collecting
Showme bills (which are always
overdue because they're collectable
the first of the month before)
Elaine assistant managing edits
Maneater, rounds out the Produc-
tion board - of Bye Bye Birdie,
and dabbles in AWS, MSA and
Savitar.
In her spare time the girl who
made Edwardsville Ill. by leaving
it to come to Mizzou checks into
J-School and pounds the Stephens
College beat for The Missourian.
Weekends, she works as a nurse's
aid on the sixth floor of the Medi-
cal Center in Surgery and gyne-
cology (gynecology is somethin'
else).
So, if you happen to be the nurse
she's aiding, or sit next to her
in typography, or spot her at some
kind of meeting (which is inevit-
able) please tell her to drop by the
Showme office sometime. The last
time we saw her she borrowed
our ID's and without it we can't
attend our own staff meetings.
LETTERS FROM THE EDITORS
(Continued from Page 25)
We even thought we might get a few pleasant
surprises, such as:
Editors, Showme:
My husband is an intelligent, hard-working man
with a good job. He used to be very considerate, tak-
ing me out to dinner at least once a week. For the
last two months he has done nothing after work ex-
cept read and reread your magazine, guffawing so
loudly that the children were forced to turn the TV
up to full volume. We never go anywhere any more.
(Personally, I didn't like anything about Showme ex-
cept the coloring book section.) The problem is, what
can I do?
Ann Landers
Editorial pressure is brought to bear by letters
from political camps.
Editors, Showme:
We understand that your next issue will be of
a political nature. We have pooled resources, and
demand equal space.
Brunson Hollingsworth and Bishop Tomlinson
Finally, the one we're still expecting:
Collectively, you're banned.
Individually, you're expelled.
Congratulations on a fine issue!
The Board
The lean, hard cowboy was nearing the edge of
his sprawling ranch. He rode up to the far fence,
then stopped, a puzzled look flickering on his face.
The fence had been cut.
The cowboy rode on and crossed the crest of a
small knob. Suddenly his horse whinnied and halted.
All the farmer's cattle lay dead in the pasture.
The cowboy shook his head and rode on.
Somewhat concerned, the cowboy continued.
Then he saw her - his little daughter, his only child,
lying face down in the grass. Up ahead, smoke curled
over the horizon.
Horrified, the cowboy spurred his horse and gal-
loped onward. His fears were quickly justified. His
ranch house was in ashes, and running panickly to-
ward him was the pathetic figure of his once-beauti-
ful wife, her frame now a pestilence of burns.
The wife fell at the cowboy's feet.
"It was the man in the black leather . . . " she
whispered and pitched over, dead.
The cowboy turned white and rigid and headed
out for town. Up to the saloon he rode, and then
through the swinging doors into the harsh, smoky
room. He strode up to the bartender.
"I'm looking for the man in the black leather,"
he said.
The bartender said nothing, just pointed to the
round table in the far corner.
The cowboy turned on his heels and moved
quietly over. He spotted his man easily and grabbed
him by the scruff of his shirt.
"Are you the man who cut my fence and killed
my cattle, and murdered my daughter and burned
down my house and killed my wife," the cowboy
shouted.
"That's right," the man in the black leather
said.
"Well, you watch that stuff."
Where Do You
Draw the Line?
WE BELIEVE you draw the line with some
common sense. We believe the president
of General Motors should have sold some
cars before taking office.
WE BELIEVE in the dignity of the individ-
ual. We believe charges of "sellouts" and
"deals" can serve only to destroy the pres-
tige of the University before the state and
its state legislature.
WE BELIEVE you will choose a new party
of intelligence, of sincerity - one that's
really interested in what's happening to
student politics now and in the future.
DRAW X STRENGTH WITH M.P. TUESDAY
NoDoz
Salem Cigarettes