Showme October, 1960Showme October, 196020081960/10image/jpegUniversity of Missouri Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book DivisionThese pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact email@example.com for more information.Missouri Showme Magazine CollectionUniversity of Missouri Digital Library Production ServicesColumbia, Missouri108show196010Showme October, 1960; by Students of the University of MissouriColumbia, MO 1960
All blank pages have been eliminated.
40 years on campus
51 Mayo Avenue
Here is my happy contribution
to the revival of the SHOWME.
You can do what you will with
it. I didn't want to put color on
the original since it is rather cost-
ly to make color seperations. It
doesn't really need color, but you
can slap an overlay on it if you
want. Perhaps you can spot some
red on the magazine the girl is
handing Beetle . . or put a red
border around it . . . or some-
I am very happy to hear that
the magazine is returning to the
campus. My fondest memories
of school are tied in with the staff
meetings, the printing problems,
the thrill of getting out a good
issue and all the horseplay in-
volved. To me, the editing of
the SHOWME was an education
all in itself and the things I
learned were very valuable in
my later career.
Oddly enough, my wife and I
are slightly ashamed of some
things we printed. They weren't
really bad, but they showed a
lack of imagination, I guess. It
seems now that too much humor
was based on the risque and the
alcoholic activities. There was so
much more all around us that
could be satirized that I almost
wish I could come back for an-
other try at it. You never get a
second chance at these things,
Anyway, I wish you a hell of
a lot of luck and a long life.
537 South Mountain Road
New City, Rockland County,
I was very pleased to have the
good word about the revival of
SHOWME next fall and to learn
that you are interested in includ-
ing greetings from MISS MIZ-
ZOU in the first issue, October
I note your deadline of Sep-
tember 26th and will be happy to
get something in the mail to you
in good time.
You didn't mention any size
for the drawing . . . Will you
drop me a note about this?
Delighted to hear that you con-
tinue to keep in such close touch
with STEVE CANYON and com-
Kansas City, Mo.
I'm certainly glad to hear that
SHOWME is being reincarnated
- a tradition like that shouldn't
be allowed to die quite so easily.
My years with the magazine
seem a long time ago now, but
I do recall that everyone involved
with it managed to get a lot of
laughs one way or another.
I really don't know what ad-
vice I could give you, as I rather
studiously avoided having any-
thing to do with the more prac-
tical aspects of getting it printed
- other than attempting to ab-
scond with the funds every
month or so. However, I do be-
lieve that there's a place for a
humor magazine on nearly every
campus in the country, and if
you really put a little sweat into
it - especially at the beginning
- you ought to succeed. Gener-
ally speaking, students are a
pretty fickle lot (I was one my-
self for almost six years), but
once you get them on your side
they'll back you up right down
One thing you ought to go easy
on, I think, is "sick" humor. Back
Turn to Page 9
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
Ernie's Steak House
HUNT'S PRESCRIPTION DRUG STORE INC.
What a lousy name for a col-
umn. It really should be titled
Editor's Complex, or even some
more original pun, the writer
having stayed in Columbia
throughout the summer. But, like
the advisors tell us (trusty over-
seers that they are) this column
is a staple in SHOWME - like
chocolate-covered Easter bun-
nies. So, here we are back.again,
putting our egos to test, trying
to figure out why Little Miss
Muffet left her curds and whey,
and watching the local merchants
get buggy-eyed over the kiddies'
Actually, some really exciting
activities kept Columbians busy
last summer. (I haven't written
about my summer vacation since
the second time I tried to make
it through remedial English; the
first time I wrote my initial pa-
per on "Fleas in Morocco.") Any-
way, Columbians amused them-
selves with quiet games in their
summer leisure; they read the
stock exchange quotations at
breakfast, the wheat futures at
noon, and old copies of SHOW-
ME before they went to bed.
During the rest of the day, they
watched 1950's reruns on tele-
vision, and drank beer at the I.V.,
and drank beer at the I.V., and
drank beer at the I.V.
City employes walked out on
their annual strike so they could
relax at home and think of new
ways to con the students out of
paltry dimes. (The writer didn't
get the latter information first-
hand. It took the assistance of
two eyes and two ears around
city hall to figure they were
dreaming up some new shaft-the-
student plan. At least the dream-
ing sessions kept them so busy
they couldn't find time to erect
more parking meters around the
On the other side of the hill,
down University way, the stu-
dents trudged to sticky class-
rooms and spent their idle hours
under the spacious shade of the
Japanese trees so conveniently
planted along the Med School
mall. With so many students be-
neath the trees almost all of the
shade was gone. Of course, this
can be explained by the fact that
the trees are only 14 inches tall.
The rest of the time was spent
watching the world's most well-
used time wasting device - that
magic tube you watched when
you were in high school, but have
since given up as a nasty habit
that clogs the intellectual pas-
Things haven't changed much
on teevee for the last couple of
years. The good boys win, the
bad boys lose, and John Wayne
fights his eternal war in a P-51
fighter or in a khaki uniform that
never loses its crease. No wonder
that guy never gets hurt, his uni-
form must be made of cast iron!
He's crawled across the sands of
Iwo Jima a dozen times and been
through Guadalcanal more times
than Missouri's lost to Oklahoma
and still he comes out with mili-
tary creases in his shirt. But,
things are going to change. One
of these days Uncle John's going
to have a middle-aged spread,
then he'll have to have that
damned outfit replaced to cover
You can bet he has a dull love
life at home. It's probably an
awful bore making love on a
Beauty Rest mattress after a day
on the sets. Can you imagine
John Wayne making love with-
out bombs bursting in air and
machine gun bullets ricocheting
off his partner's maiden form?
On well, we can still pray for
that fateful day when a pyro-
techniques expert plants a hy-
drogen bomb in his pilot's helmet
and blows that silly grin off his
Speaking of Hollywood per-
sonalities and the people on the
magic tube and all, one of show-
time's very best friends died the
other day. He wasn't one of them
guys that gets his mug plastered
on the posters, and his name
doesn't twinkle in little white
lights on the marquis at the By
Joe theatre: he was one of them
little men that runs around on
the back of the sets and in and
out dressing rooms. He was a
plastic surgeon. He died trying
to hang himself. But, Hollywood
gave him a good sendoff. Loret-
ta Young, she was the one that
was most grateful to him cause
he'd done so much for her to
make her look young and pretty
and like a schoolgirl and all, she
poured Tide over the grave. And
Lawrence Welk bubbled his way
through a couple of choruses of
Loretta's favorite passages from
Rhapsody in Blue, you know the
one: duh duh duh du-uh duh
duh duh du.
Well, there's not much left; the
news, weather and sports, anoth-
er episode with Uncle John, and
oh shay can youse see? Good
night sweet ladies, good night
Bill, good night Lou, good night.
Good night. - W.D.A.
Over in the Registrar's office
they were busy compiling statis-
tics about student religious pref-
erences. They found the usual
number of Baptists, Methodists,
Catholics, and so on listed under
"Church Preference." But a neatly
lettered card filled in by an arch-
itecture major really stopped
them. His Church Preference was
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
The Dim Picture
J. J. Coupling Page 11
Off Campus Happiness
Narvie Straunch Page 14
Chi Xi Page 18
Switch Now, Decide Later
Sandy McMillan . Page 22
October Pinup ---- Page 24
The Gothic Tower .Page 29
Co-Editors-Marion Ellis and Dale Allen
Art Director-Joe Jahraus
Cartoon Editor-W. W. Overby
Copy Editor-Ellen Welch
Layout Editor-Pete Rozier
Joke Editor-Ron Furgerson
Exchange Editor-Gary Naes
Business Manager-Dick James
Advertising Manager-Sandy McMillan
Circulation-Promotion Manager-Larry Fuller
Production Manager--Charlie Doud
Production Assistant--Judy Isaacs
Cartoonists-Eric Johnson, Larry Bloyd, Al Ad-
dington, Bob Ritenour, Mike Miner, William
Zander, Mort Walker, Milt Caniff, Suzanne
Writers--Mark Falcoff, Narvie Straunch, J. J.
Advertising Salesmen-Diza Pepper, Dave Rawson
Elaine Alberter, Paul Leath, Bill Crabtree,
Copy Reader-Pete Inserra
Circulation-Promotion-Angel Cotter, sorority sales
manager; Bob Irvin, fraternity sales manager;
Ernie Erech, independent sales manager; Lin-
da Neukomm, Bob Ingersoll, Ralph Herring,
Carol Vest, Beth Hunter, Joe Diven.
The Missouri Showme Is an official publi-
cation of the student body of the Univer-
sity of Missouri, published eight times dur-
ing the school year (if we're lucky).
Issue price thirty-five cents or $2.75
for an eight issue subscription. Address all
correspondence to: Missouri Showme, Read
Hall, Univ. of Mo., Columbia, Missouri. Un-
solicited manuscripts will not be returned
unless accompanied by a self-addressed,
stamped envelope. Ad rates furnished on
request. National advertising representa-
tives: College Magazines Corp., 405 Lexing-
ton Ave., N.Y. 17, N.Y.
Any material may be reprinted in whole
or in part with the written permission of
the editor. Printed by Modern Litho-Print
Co., Jefferson City, Missouri.
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
When leaves start turning brown,
And Happiness is abound,
The time has drawn near,
So drink that last beer,
The lost SHOWME has been found.
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
Around The Columns
After considerable sweat, tears
and blood - mixed with a dying
hope and then a kindled flame,
you may congratulate us for resus-
citating ye olde SHOWME after al-
most three years of being dormant.
Banned in December, 1957, for
using nude women in two ads,
SHOWME once again has reared
its ghostly (or ghastly) head.
LONG, HOT SUMMER
Verily 'twas a long, hot sum-
mer filled with many memorable
reminiscences for all and we have
chigger bite scars to prove it.
BORED FOR A DAY
My grandmother (you may say
what's his grandma got to do with
Around the Columns) is sort of a
TV fan. What I mean is she never
takes her eyes off the filmed bub-
ble-gum comics. Everything that
comes on, she watches. I mean
things like "Lassie," "The Brighter
Day," "Chicken Feed Forum," and
the quasi-live programs.
But she has
one favorite that
she never misses
c o n e disease,
high water or
that's "Queen for
So, like a fool,
sat down to
watch a bit of
and found myself engrossed in this
artistic and enlightening bit of
The first woman didn't want
much. She asked good ole Jack
Bailey if she could have just a new
home, new glass eye for all eight
of her blind kids, a school bus to
haul them to and from the sani-
tarium, a home still to cut down
on the old man's liquor bills, a
new plastic heart for her mother
and a skin graft for the kids' fa-
vorite pet, a Gila monster called
Needless to say, she lost. I didn't
stay for the end because I had to
make a sudden date with the doc-
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
tor. But Grandma filled me in la-
ter. A woman whose husband was
named John won. Besides the mil-
lions of dollars worth of electric
can-openers, rabbit pellets, minia-
ture stone deer, glass chicken eggs,
and I don't know just what all,
she won what she really wanted
- a head for her John.
It really tears me up to hear
that the folks in ye towne of many
columumumums will be unable to
see the princely, priceless "Queen
for a Day" any more since ABC
took it over.
When you're in the newspaper
game and going to school to im-
prove yourself (preposterous) you
hear a series of stock phrases (it's
almost as if the persons addressing
you all read the same tired jokes
in Reader's Dig. or somewhere)
that are directed at the "college
A few of these phrases are:
"What are you going to do when
you get out of school and go to
work and learn something?"
"Whenever they go up to that
school they come
back a lot worse
off than they
were before be-
cause they think
they know every-
thing," What, are
yon still going to
Uncle Sam got
"Haven't they flunked you out up
there yet?" "You say you're go-
ing to the University of Missouri.
They haven't got much of a jour-
nalism school up there, have
they?" "I can remember the time
when I almost flunked you in my
algebra class." (This remark is
usually heard from an old high
school teacher of any,college stu-
dent. The subjedt matter is not
confined to algebra. It runs from
geometry, bookkeeping, English,
or history to underwater basket
weavery.) "You damn college stu-
dents are all alike. I've been in
business 30 years and . . " And
"now when I was in college at old
Slippery Rock U . . ."
You watch. Yeah, just you
watch. You've seen moving bras,
dancing bras, twirling bras and
bras that are worn in the most
unusual places. Now, just you
keep on watching the idiot box
and you will see,
it's a promise,
that's right -
talking br a s.
time next year
vidiot (he has to
be insensible to
some of those
filmed comic books) will be talked
right into going out and buying
non-lslip-non-bulge-bra a nd by
whom else but the bra. After all
Kool-Aid talks, so do M & M's-
why shouldn't bras?
A nightclub in ye olde home
towne of Joplin has solved at least
one of those problems which con-
stantly nags nightclubs - the
management bought a large black-
board and had it installed in the
men's John. Oh yeah, they supply
the chalk too.
And if you don't
like what's writ-
ten there just use
the eraser. You
see some of the
One guy wanted
to buy some chic-
kens. He said
he'd give a good price for them
too. Don't ask me about the
ladies' powder room, but it prob-
ably wouldn't work because they
tell me it's already covered with
six mirrors and at least as many
dressing tables. Think it over -
there's no end to the possibilities.
If they played it right and patent-
ed the deal, they could make a
mint. I don't think the pencil man-
Tum to Page 8
ufacturers would stand for it
Ever been stopped in one of
these "routine checks" the boys in
blue with the gum-wrapper badges
pull ever so often? Ever have the
urge to really shake 'em up when
they grunt, "Just a routine check,
buddy"? One of these days I'm
going to tell one of them, "Well,
Clyde, you really hit it lucky
'cause I just robbed the First Na-
tional Bank of Thomasville." But
I'm afraid if I did tell one of
THEM that, they'd lock me up
just on GP and never let me out
because they'd probably never
find Thomasville and couldn't veri-
fy it. My advice - don't try it
unless you know the cop.
I'm getting pretty hacked off at
people stealing SHOWME material.
"Oh yeah," you may snort, but
it's true. Take this bit from the
Jack Paar Show. He leans over
real sly-like to Hugh Frowns and
says, "Pssst, fountain pens are
coming back." Then, he pauses,
straightens up and says, but still
softly, "That's right, try one -
they write smoothly and never
skip. You'll really be surprised.
They never recoil at embarrassing
times, either." See what I mean,
everybody copies SHOWME ma-
terial. Yeah, we were going to use
a piece on the comeback of the
fountain pen, but Paar stole it.
Actual headline in the Kansas
City Star - QUEEN'S UNDIES
GO ON SALE. The story mention-
ed some forgot-
ables of Queen
and I didn't even
know the old girl
went to college.
I'm all for con-
forming the Eng-
lish language Shelley Berman-
style. There's mouse and mice,
louse and lice. Why not house and
hice, circus and circi. There's da-
tum and data and goose and geese.
How about one goof, two geef; one
hoof, two heef; one roof, two reef.
Get the idea? It'd sure play hell
with textbook and dictionary pub-
$ WELCOME BACK $
Yeah, welcome back happy stew-
dents. And if you don't believe
you're really welcome, just step
into one of the Columbia shops. If
the Columbia merchant doesn't
about shake your hand off and kiss
you almost all over, it's only be-
cause you tell him you bought all
your stuff at home- Then again
they're pretty nice people, especi-
ally if you want a check cashed or
some other similar favor.
M. A. E.
Thanx . . .
Mo Mule and the SHOWME staff would like
to tip their hats to the Greeks for getting
the first copy to you.
Alpha Shi Omega, Alpha Delta Pi, Alpha
Epsilon Phi, Alpha Gamma Delta, Aplha Phi,
Chi Omega, Delta Delta Delta, Delta Gamma,
Pi Beta Phi, and Sigma Delta Tau sohoities.
Acacia, Alpha Gamma Rho, Alpha Gamma
Sigma, Alpha Tau Omega, Beta Theta Pi,
Delta Chi, Delta Sigma Phi, Delta Tau Delta
Delta Upsilon, FarmHouse, Kappa Alpha,
Kappa Sigma, Lambda Chi Alpha, Phi Delta
Theta, Phi Gamma Delta, Phi Kappa Psi, Phi
Kappa Theta, Phi Sigma Delta, Sigma Alpha
Epsilon, Sigma Alpha Mu, Sigma Chi, Sigma
Nu, Sigma Phi Epsilon, Tau Kappa Epsilon,
and Zeta Beta Tau fraternities.
ALL RIGHT, IF THATS THE WAY IT'S GOT To BE WE'LL MAKE HIM POPE 1st
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
From Pag 2
when I was working for SHOW-
ME this sort of stuff was fairly
new, and - being new - it went
over very well. However, it has
now become rather common-
place, and in order to put out a
good product you should try to
distinguish between really "sick"
stuff - which is merely juvenile,
and really good contemporary
humor with a macabre twist -
which is funny.
Well, I'll get off my pedestal
I do wish you luck and am look-
ing forward to whatever results
you might have next time I get
down to Columbia.
By the way, I've been working
as an artist and writer for the
Contemporary Design Dept. here
at Hallmark for the last couple
of years, so I'm keeping my hand
University of Texas
Austin 12, Tex.
Dear funny editor,
We were glad to
SHOWME is back in circulation
again. When I got your letter, I
looked through last year's poll to
see what happened, that you
didn't publish last year, but
couldn't find a poll from you.
Anyway, Happy Hairy hopes you
have a good year, and hastens to
wish you a Merry Michealmas.
You are now back on our ex-
change list, for what that's worth,
but it is doubtful whether we
can send you a copy of the Sep-
tember issue,. for wonder of won-
ders, we sold out. But the Oct.
issue will be coming, God willing
(and frankly, we don't think he
is (oops, He) Just the other day
we were over at his (oh no, His.
This is ridiculous) office, and he
was most upset about the Sept.
issue (go back 8 words, capitalize
He, do not pass go.)
So discounting the evils of the
world, such as deans and virgins,
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
may you breed a whole year of
Thanks for the kind word hugh,
er we mean Hugh. (Happy Hairy
is the Ranger mascot, a hairy lit-
Two fraternity boys were fumb-
ling around trying to get into their
Said one, "Say, you don't open
the door with that; it's a cigar
"Oh hell," said the other, "I've
smoked my key."
It is safer to use the underpass.
Wholesale Keg Beer - We Deliver
" WELCOME BACK!"
THE DIM PICTURE
By J. J. Coupling II
ANNOUNCER: From Memorial
Field . . . to McAlester; from
the power plant . . . to Dairy-
lawn . . . all over the Campus,
your ROTC stands ready to pro-
tect you, the Missouri students,
against better grades . . . This
. is . . THE DIM PICTURE
. a weekly television report
to the University by the United
States Army ROTC . . . And
now, here to tell you part of
THE DIM PICTURE is Sergeant
(Fade to Wayout)
WAYOUT: No matter how much
stress some of you rotten gold-
bricking civilians think we put
on ritual and formality, let me
assure you that nothing inter-
feres with the Army's primary
mission of defense. Today, our
first order of business will be
to illustrate this. Let us sup-
pose that Soviet missiles are
picked up over the north pole.
The President is quickly con-
tacted and issues the order . .
(Fade to Ike)
PRESIDENT: Bring your units to
push the missile buttons!
(Fade to Wayout)
WAYOUT: Next it goes to the
Secretary of Defense.
(Fade to Secretary)
SECRETARY: Bring your units to
push the missile buttons!
(Fade to Wayout)
WAYOUT: . . and so on, down
through the Secretary of the
Army, Area Commanders, Army
Commanders, Corps Command-
ers, Division Commanders, Bat-
tle Group, Regiment, Company,
Battalion and Battery leaders,
until finally the squad leader
(Fade to Squad Leader)
SQUAD LEADER: Push the.
(There is a crackle and the
screen goes blank. After thirty
seconds, Wayout reappears.)
WAYOUT: Well, I guess the bomb
beat us to it that time, but don't
worry, this will never happen
Trn to Page 12
in a real war - except maybe
if the President can't be reached,
in which case the men at the
ICBM bases will just sit and
watch the mushroom clouds roll
by . . .
Now of course us guys down in
Chowder Hall are more inter-
ested in little things . . . like
small arms training. Here we
see Lt. Chickenfat helping out
in Room 99F, where an MS-1
class is learning to disassemble
and reassemble guns. Let's
watch . . .
(Fade to Room 99F)
CHICKENFAT: Having trouble re-
assembling your weapon?
FROSH: 'Fraid so, Sir.
CHICKENFAT: You sure have
made a mess!
FROSH: Have I, Sir? I guess I
just don't understand the M-1.
CHICKENFAT: M-l?!!! I told you
at the beginning of class this
was the improved type M-14.
FROSH: Well, it's an M-1 now.
(Fade back to Wayout)
WAYOUT: Later on we try to
teach the lunkheads we draw
to shoot these broken down old
guns at broken down old tar-
gets in the sub-cellar of Chow-
der Hall. Right now, MSgt.
Rooster is instructing his men .
(Fade to Rifle Range)
Firing! Beetle, what in the hell
are you firing at?
BEETLE: The target, Sir.
ROOSTER: Well, you sure ain't
BEETLE: I must be, Sir. I'm get-
ting perfect sight pictures.
ROOSTER: Don't talk back to me,
number four - move your sight
up nine clicks and right four.
BEETLE: But Sir, I'm number five.
ROOSTER: Oh. . . Number four,
where are you? You haven't hit
a damn thing all day!
BEETLE: He's absent, Sir.
ROOSTER: Well, I guess that ac-
counts for him not hitting any-
thing. Now, put out your kneel-
ing and standing targets and . .
(Fade to Wayout)
WAYOUT: We'd show you a por-
tion of Military History Class,
but unfortunately, Lt. Chicken-
fat is in the process of telling
his men about some of the more
desirable "spoils of victory" in
the Gilbert Islands campaign
and after that he won't have
much left to say except to re-
peat for the fifth time why they
don't like Mark Clark in Okla-
Now we get down to the part of
ROTC we like best, our annual
lawn part-. . . I mean Spring
Parades. Yessir, it really does
an Army man's soul good to see
all those proud cadets out there
. . . marching . . . saluting
passing out from the heat .
yes, the campus would not be
complete without them.
So, without further ado, here
is . . . Spring Parade.
(Fade to quadrangle. Various
batteries are passing in re-
view. Spectators are jeering
them. Some throw garbage,
others hold up "Keep Off the
VOICES: Right turn, Haach, Left
turn, Haach, Eyes Right, Reaady
Front, Sieg Heil . . . Hay, who
in the hell said that?
(Camera focuses on bearded
figures in fatigue uniform
smoking a big Havana cigar)
MAN: Sieg Heil; Viva Cuba!
(Campus cops close in,
drag him off)
COP: Too bad the semester's al-
most over, Fidel.
(Fade to Wayout)
WAYOUT: One more service pro-
vided by your ROTC - wiping
out campus subversives. Well,
that about wraps it up for today,
but don't forget; tune in again
next week - or else.
(Fade to screen credits, etc.)
ANNOUNCER: You to can be a
part of THE DIM PICTURE.
You too can serve with this well
equipped, well trained, well led
drilling outfit. Come to think
of it, you can pretty well bank
on becoming part of THE DIM
PICTURE if you come to this
Gypsy Rose dressed very thin.
Gypsy Rose sat on a pin.
AEPi: Why didn't I make 100
on my history exam?
Prof: "You remember the ques-
tion: 'Why did the pioneers go into
Prof: Well your answer, while
very interesting, was incorrect.
Support Your Campus
Have you heard about the rail-
oad engineer who got up on the
wrong side of the bed one morn-
ing? The water for his shower was
cold. His shoelace broke. At break-
fast his toast burned. His car
wouldn't start, so he had to take
a taxi to the yards. By this time
he was so late he jumped into the
cab of his Super Chief an started
right out on his run. He got the
train up to ninety miles an hour
and just as he swung around a
curve, he looked up and saw an-
other Super Chief coming straight
at him at one hundred miles an
hour - on the same track. He
turned to his fireman and said,
"Did you ever have one of those
days when everything just goes
"How did you break your leg?"
"Threw a cigarette in a manhole
and stepped on it."
"Hello. Is this Wasserman?"
"Yes, it is."
"Are you positive?"
The big frats didn't leave us
Showme Premiers Narvie Straunch's New Play
or Landlady's Folly
(A tragedy in 20 acts. That's
the saddest part of it.)
Scene: A mid Victorian, clap-
board mansion on Cliff Edge
Drive in a Mid-Western town. It
is approved by the humane so-
ciety for males enrolled in the
University. The frayed curtain
opens uncertainly on a drab hall-
way on the second floor, reached
by a sturdy, freshly-painted lad-
We surprise Mrs. Gotrocks
glancing casually through the
keyhole of her star boarder, Fer-
ret-Eye Fleegle. He suffers from
a complex brought on by his cal-
lous dismissal from nearby Stev-
ens College for girls. (He had
neglected to state his sex when
he enrolled, not dreaming it was
(Fleegle surprises Mrs. Got-
rocks as he flings open the door,
knocking her to the floor. Doors
must be bolted to foil marauding
undie-hunters from the two local
institutions, the School for the
Rich and the School for the
FLEEGLE: Par'me Mrs. Got-
rocks, I was just going to wash
my head. Lice, you know.
MRS. GOTROCKS: Never
mind, I've already cleaned the
head. I was just coming from
there when I glanced casually
through your keyhole. (Brushing
Fleegle aside and striding daintily
Have you rearranged your room
again? I'm glad you're beginning
to learn a little self-respect. You'd
better or it's back to the YWCA
with you - and I don't care if
they do make fun of your under-
(She flounces out of the cell.
Fleegle stares in disbelief. He
sags down on an orange crate; it
collapses. Curtain, with frayed
flounce, closes uncertainly-then
collapses. The whole act is weak.)
(Acts II and III are lost during
the interminable delay while cur-
tain is repaired. Uncouth stage-
hands get in hassle over picket
lines in the meantime, and since
nobody knows his lines, they all
have a mean time.)
Ugly Scene II: (Wintry morn,
typical of Columbia. Fleegle, in
a frenzy after trying all night to
study with Mrs. G's TV blaring
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
through the late show, the very
late show, and then into the
early, early show and the later,
early show, bounds madly down
the stairs and out through the
MRS. G.: (Yelling) Flee-e-gull!
How many times I gotta tell you
to open the door 'fore you go
FLEEGLE: (Spitting out splin-
ters.) Yes, Mrs. Gotrocks. I'm
sorry. But I was distraught -
I wasn't myself.
MRS. G.: Well, that's an im-
FLEEGLE: I mean - your
teevee set. Do you have to play
it so loud? The little two-foot
square card on my door says
noise must be kept-
MRS. G.: Down. And that's
where it's kept, down in my
room. If you would learn to read
instead of just signing anything
that's stuck under your red, pul-
py nose, you'd see that housing
regulations apply to students,
not to the landladies. Besides, I
thought you kids slipped off to
that old Shack to study.
Turn to Page 19
The Novus Shop
The Decline, Fall,
, and Rebirth
Trying to degrade the Greek system and drive the Uni-
versity of Missouri to ruin, Chi Xi once again presents its news-
letter in the night with the coming of a rat. For those who are
innocent it doesn't make any difference - we'll smear you any-
way. But when the Chi Xi council meets, it will judge innocence
or guilt in a manner common to a pack of rats.
Chi Xi has been formed for no particular reason, except
that we have some secrets and just have to tell someone. We
shall strive to expose the secrets of the secret Greek organiza-
tions which expose the secrets of the Greeks. So there!
We feel it is our duty to tell our secrets informing the stu-
dents on matters which might not otherwise be in print. The
fact that these secrets aren't important enough to get in print
is not significant.
We wish to stay a secret organization because we are
afraid to come out in the open. That's why we are the rats.
WE NOW REVEAL OUR REAL PURPOSE: TO EXPOSE PI
CHI AND IOTA PI
lota Pi is in the proces of
expanding to other campuses.
Pi Chi has an effective alum-
lota Pi is the only fraternity
that drinks in its house.
Our past semester's grade
point average was 3.096.
100 per cent of our pledges
We sure can drink.
Turn to Page 31
Next week we will distrib-
ute our green (note color)
sheets on the white campus.
Three of our members have
been kicked out of school and
are vacationing in Jefferson
City on a libel rap.
We live in the I.V.
On a 10-point system.
The rest are dead.
Three glasses of milk and a
big tumbler of Donald Duck
orange juice every morning.
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
"Sheriff, who was that masked man?"
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
From Page 15
(Fleegle trudges glumly off to
a 6:40 class, his cup of bitterness
runuthing over. It hurt pushing
his girl out the window at the
stroke of 11; it tortured him try-
ing to read the campus newspa-
per's illegible print by candle-
light. But this was too much.
There's nothing more frustrating
than listening to, but not being
able to see Ole Huck.
As he lopes sheepishly along
at a dog trot, hatred kennels in
his breast. He passes a large
mudhole, spits slovenly into it.
A Kappa Alpha roars through
the puddle in a racy sport's car.
He's whistling Dixie, and a three-
legged dog does the Charleston
on the continental kit. The ill-
fated Fleegle is drenched with
cold, filthy, pregnant (or is it
He collapses slowly. The frayed
curtain lurches uncertainly across
the stage, and it too collapses.
The audience claps and howls
with glee. It howls and claps, and
finally, it too collapses.
The Bitter End
'They say he's the fastest slide rule alive. "
"No, Millard, no, no, no . the zipper's on the other side. no, no, no."
"Would you mind turning off the motor-you're
gaining on me.
"He's dead. Some students will do
anything to get out
SHOWME Research Series Presents
Switch Now, Decide Later
First in a series of intensive studies on academic advice to students by Sandy McMillan, TNT,
MTA, BSS, BS, ETC. Rewritten from accounts of Narvie Straunch, George Gallop and Dr. A.
So just because you've got a
starched T-shirt and clean tennis
shoes, you think you're ready to
launch into your University ca-
reer. Is that it, Freshman? Well,
think again, because there is one
more thing you'll need eventually
- a major.
Right now you probably think
that isn't important because you've
heard that most upper classmen
have changed their majors at least
once a year since they've been here
for the last few decades. But, con-
sider, with serious concentration
right now you could probably or-
ganize a schedule to get in four
times as many majors as your
So, chug that bottle of Bubble
down, kick your roomo and the
rest of your Old Maid-playing bud-
dies out into the hall, file your
newly acquired handy-dandy M-
book and other such publications
in the waste basket. Get into the
best thinking position possible in
the limited privacy of your homey
little 20-story dorm and concen-
trate on the info SHOWME has
dug up about majors.
We've found it better not to try
switching between engineering and
agriculture. There seems to be a
deep rivalry between the two. The
reason for this is that the "engies"
horned in on one of the "aggies"
field crop courses - clover. Who
knows, next year they may take
over alfalfa or corn. And after
that - well, it would be best not
to enter agriculture at all because
by the time you are a senior they
may not have any courses left.
And we certainly wouldn't advise
entering engineering. After all,
anyone who swipes clover is just
likely to get into a law suit and
have to hock all his gum erasers,
drawing boards and slide rules to
hire a lawyer.
Which brings us to a field which
might prove promising - law.
There's always the difficulty of pas-
sing the bar exam, however, it's
generally known that Mizzou stu-
dents learn their way around a bar
And speaking of J-school (no
one really was, but it's the really
big attraction here and must be
worked in somewhere when think-
ing about majors) brings to mind
the fact that many students are
afraid to give it a whirl because
of the boundless qualifications.
Now the secret is out - you must
have only one of two basic re-
quirements - strong legs or your
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
One of these requirements is a
must for the majority of the im-
portant courses, such as: Paper
Delivery I and II; Background,
Underground and Sneaky Tech-
niques of Advertising Selling; For-
eign Correspondence with Field
Trips to Harrisburg, Rocheport
Of course, switching fields may
prove too much for you who have
IQ's below 60 or have a generous
heart which yearns to spare the
administration extra work. In
either case, choose a field you
know you can handle for several
years and one where you won't
be expected to be brilliantly un-
determined and in constant desire
of change. For example, there's
psychology or creative writing,
because people in these fields
aren't expected to change majors
or clothes or anything which leaves
time for more important things -
like learning your way around a
bar so you can advise your friends
who are temporarily majoring in
We could give you much more
information about majors, but
we're certain that your major ad-
visor is anxiously awaiting your
next visit so he can expound on
the many other fields you could
The student gets the magazine,
The school gets the fame,
The printer gets the money,
The editor gets the blame.
Three men were sitting on a
park bench. The man in the mid-
dle was sitting quietly, as though
asleep. But the men on either side
of him were going through the
motions of fishing. With deadly
seriousness, they would cast, jerk
their lines gently, then wind imag-
inary reels. This had been going
on for some time when a police-
man sauntered over, shook the
man in the middle awake and de-
"Are these two nuts friends of
"Yes, officer," said the man.
"Well, get them out of here
"Right away, officer," said the
man, and began rowing vigorous-
Let's face it - there is a religious issue.
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960 23
Mo Mule really threw off his blinders
when he discovered this month's pinup beauty,
Dusene Vunovich, a 19-year-old sophomore
from Kansas City.
A well-proportioned lass, Dusene repre-
sented Missouri in the Miss America pageant
this summer at Atlantic City. We don't see how
she could have lost. Before the Miss Missouri
title, Dusene was named Miss Kansas City and
reigned as Miss Missouri of Perfect Posture in
When SHOWME contacted her for the
pinup possibility, the auburn-haired queen said
she would be "honored." So are we. An avid
music lover, Dusene sang and danced "Honey
Bun" for her part in the talent contest at the
Miss America pageant.
A near-perfect 36-22-35, Dusene has blue
eyes and is a petite 5-41/2. She lives at 604,
Dorm A, but claims she has lots of studying to
be done, boys, so hold the phone calls.
Photos by Maurice Reece
At one time I was a footloose intellect, a soul float-
ing in ether, a beatnik, so to speak. I was unencum-
bered by such bourgeois tools of learning as text-
books, protractors, slide-rules, T-squares, bullfight
posters, drinking mugs with the school seal, ad in-
One day I split the pad and cut for the campi. I
passed one building where sat an array of students
on the steps, tanning their bald little knees in the
sun, cheering their fellows on as they harrassed
sports cars, dogs and faculty. I asked one of the
cats if this was the coliseum.
I translated the square's reply and realized that this
was the famed Missouri Book Store of song and
story, the Mythical Central Missouri Temple of
Capitalism. Intrigued, I entered and was dazzled by
their array of goods.
I am now joyously happy in my conformity, cash-
ing my checks, collecting rebate tabs, fingering
pocket novels, basking on the steps, mailing poison
pen letters at the Missouri Store and conversing
superficially with sorority girls in the M-Bar.
At my pad, I made the decision to again become
a consumer. I made the metamorphosis - exchang-
ing my turtle-neck sweater for a button-down col-
lar, my rope soles for shoes, and purchasing my
first pair of gray flannel BVD's, a PhiBK key and
a Student Union fee.
I have faded into the obscurity of the masses. God
bless the Missouri Book Store.
The Missouri Store
"M-I-C - - - K-E-Y
Now here is a room we didn't show you during rush.
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
The Gothic Tower
By Mark Falcoff
October usually finds the new
students' bubble yet unbroken,
and if we on the SHOWME
were not. such cads, we wouldn't
puncture it just now. However, in
the interests of ever-greater ac-
curacy in freshman orientation, we
present this month an apocryphal
version of that old campus best-
seller, the "M-Book."
The M-Book, for those of you
who managed the Herculean feat
of not getting several during Ori-
entation, is a little volume the
University puts out to act as a
guide for new students. We old
Missourians generally refer to it
as "Life as it never was and never
will be at Old Mizzou."
The first pages of ye freshman
bible contain greetings from the
members of the Administration.
Last year Dr. Ellis' letter to new
students, published in the Orien-
tation pamphlet, began: " . . . As
you enter the rather cosmopolitan
atmosphere of the University . ."
but this year it began, " . . . As
you enter the rather scholarly
atmosphere of the University . ."
Does this connote a change in ad-
ministrative policy? This question
the M-Book does not answer.
Greetings follow from the va-
rious funcionarios of Jesse Hall,
but these can be dispensed with
on the theory that most of these
individuals are adjudged to be but
tools of the Men in the Shadows.
One of these "Men in the Shad-
ows" is rumored to be the Dean
of Extra-Divisional Administration,
whose office, they say, houses the
Committee for Anti-Student Activ-
ities. Here the lights burn late, and
in the morning - down comes the
axe! No sophomore cars, deferred
rush, or perhaps a comment or
two on how the Greek system's
days are numbered. In Cuba the
Dean of Extra-Divisional would be
one of the first administrators the
revolutionaries would take out and
shoot. For the benefit of our less
rational readers, let us ever bear
in mind that this is not Cuba.
At great length the entering
freshman is told of the University's
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
many "services". We have, f'rin-
stance, the Library Service. You
see, we have many, many books.
They are under lock and key. To
get to them you go through what
the Savitar yearbook - in a gross
breach of responsible journalism-
called "a brief orientation period."
This brief, two-hour orientation
period consists of a lecture rattled
off in a monotone on the virtues
of the Library of Congress system
over the Dewey Decimal System
of Classification. Freshmen will
be prostrate with joy to learn that
we are switching to the Library
of Congress system. Sometimes the
Librarian smothers in his own
drool just thinking about the pend-
ing change. It's just too much!
Many other services are of-
fered. The University Health Serv-
ice is one. When you suffer sev-
en broken ribs, cut two arteries,
crack your skull and dislocate
both shoulders, you simply dash
over to the Student Health Center
where you must wait your turn
(don't shove!) to get to the window.
Once there you must - I repeat
you must - present your I.D.
card. Then your file is pulled and
you are asked to describe what,
in a word, is your excuse for com-
ing. Then you are seated. Some
hours later they take your tem-
perature. And if you are still alive
by the time you are escorted into
the doctor, you would probably
prefer to be dead.
Of course, the cultural aspects
of campus life should not be ig-
nored - although they sometimes
are. We get cancellations of en-
gagements from such top stars as
Johanna Martzy, Johnny Mathis,
Ray Coniff and many other top
lights of the musical world. At this
time it is impossible to say who
will cancel out this year, as no
dates have been promised yet.
For the more gung-ho! we have
oodles of organizations. And for
the very virtuous we have Greek-
letter "honoraries." The two most
difficult to get into are Pi Xi and
Chi Iota, mainly because nobody
knows - or at least nobody is
telling - who's in them. The pur-
pose of these two organizations is
widely divergent, however.
Pi Xi's avowed objective, (as
set forth in its yearly anonymous
newsletter to students) is, among
other things, to bring beer back to
fraternity houses. Chi Iota is at-
tempting to make secret fraterni-
ties respectable by publishing
their constitution, but the Admin-
istration is still adamant. Another
"secret club" is Chi Eta, whose
avowed goals are anti-fraternity.
They live and die to keep C.
L. Holdren, who "they" elected
MSA President "as an independ-
ent," from going Greek. Good
luck, friends! (Pi Xi, Chi Iota, et
al., are not mentioned in the M-
Book, and last year the Savitar
was forbidden to mention them.
These organizations are outlawed
by the University; therefore they
do not exist. Who said education
is the search for truth?)
If we really wanted to be like
the Saturday Evening Post, whose
columns carried a story about the
state of Missouri several weeks
ago, we would claim that M.U. is
really four universities instead of
one. But it's even more than four.
In this brief space we may not
have covered as much ground as
the M-Book, but we're more
frank about the ground we do
cover. And for those who, after
this little enlightenment session,
still believe, well, doggone it, it
does a sphomore's heart good to
see that kind of faith placed in
Old Missouri. Somebody has to
play the game by the rules. It
night as well be the freshmen.
"Hey, what's the big idea, paint-
ing your car red on one side and
blue on the other?"
"It's a. great idea. You should
hear the witnesses contradicting
Little Boy: "Why is it that cream
costs more than milk?"
Milkman: "Because it's harder
for a cow to sit on the little bot-
READY TO SERVE
From Page 18
OUR GOODIES (SECRETS)
1. An M.S.A. election will be
held next March. People
will run in it. Students will
not vote. Later we can say
we told you so.
2. The Maneater will probab-
ly come out next Wednes-
3. On the other hand, may-
be it won't.
4. We know that Pi Chi and
lota Pi will use yellow and
green paper for their next
newsletters (rumored to be
sometime next year or may-
be the year after that.)
5. We know The Missourian
is a weekly.
6. The SHOWME co-editors
are not really gods.
7. Jesse Hall was named after
a frater Chi Xi (Jesse
8. We know who the home-
coming queen is, but we're
not telling until we find
out when homecoming is.
So, with these glorious
words filled with hope for the
average student, Chi Xi once
again fades into the night, but
we will have another big hunk
of cheese for you soon. That
is if the mean ol' cat doesn't
"Anything wrong, madam?"
"Yes, this spaghetti's too strin-
"Sorry, madam, would you mind
trying it with your veil off?"
It's so dry in Kansas, according
to confidential reports, that trees
are going to the dogs.
See any signs of life?
SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
Don't let Dick James' sweet
smile and easy-going attitude fool
you - underneath, he's all busi-
ness. That's the main reason he's
SHOWME's business manager.
There must be other reasons.
He's from Des Moines, but that
probably doesn't have much to
do with it.
He's a business wizard all right
and right now he's promoting a
scheme for an underground pas-
sage from Hall G (that's where
he gets his mail) to Johnson Hall
(that's where he meets his fe-
male - she's from Des Moines,
NEXT MONTH -
When he's not scheming or
working on SHOWME (there's
a difference?) he works at a lo-
cal photography studio and also
takes pictures on his own.
We tried to find out something
else significant about Dick. He's
19 years old, a sophomore and
a B & PA major. None of which
is very significant, but we like
"Who Needs Men?" - that's
Sandy McMillan's motto and she's
out to prove that she can hold
her own in a man's world (she
insists it is.) She's holding her
own by: first, being SHOWME's
advertising manager and second,
planning a career as an officer
in the Marine Corps (Gads, what
next, female ROTC instructors?)
When Sandy's not pushing ads,
she'll be writing features for
SHOWME and when she's not
writing features, she'll be . . oh,
well, she could study creative
writing (she insists that's her ma-
jor) if she expects to graduate
We tried to find out more
about her, but she kept drop-
ping hints that she doesn't want
anyone to know more about her
Oh, we did find out she was
born in Atchison, Kansas, but we
couldn't find out how long ago.
What's the matter, Sandy, afraid
some local liquor inspector might
read this column?
When we contacted Milt Caniff last summer for our "Welcome Back" SHOWME issue, he graciously
consented - even when we mentioned the no retribu ion clause. We suggested something along the line of
having Miss Mizzou welcoming back SHOWME. We feel that Mr. Caniff couldn't have made a better choice.
Also in this issue, you will notice a collegiate-type mule skittering throughout the pages. This is Mo Mule
-SHOWME's new mascot. The staff feels that Mo captures the spirit of the University and the state
more than Swami, the old mascot, did. There'll probably be some grumbling from the alumni, but as soon
as they see how lovable ol' Mo can be, they'll change their minds.
SHOWME and Mo Mule wish to take up part of this space to thank two great guys for their
wholehearted concern with our welfare, Milton Caniff, the creator of Steve Canyon, and Mort Walker,
creator of Beetle Bailey. Mr. Caniff and Mr. Walker took part of their time (which is undoubtedly more
valuable than ours) to contribute two fine drawings for our October missive, and the only retribution
they ask is a copy of the issue. You can bet they'll get them, too.
32 SHOWME, OCTOBER, 1960
SIGMA DELTA CHI MISS MIZZOU CALENDARS
ON SALE AT STUDENT UNION DESK, 8:30 A.M., 50 CENTS
TODAY, MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, AND THURSDAY