Showme November, 1960Showme November, 196020081960/11image/jpegUniversity of Missouri Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book DivisionThese pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information.Missouri Showme Magazine CollectionUniversity of Missouri Digital Library Production ServicesColumbia, Missouri108show196011Showme November, 1960; by Students of the University of MissouriColumbia, MO 1960
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Showme
November 1960
35 cents
Welcome Back
Alums
40 years on campus
Hunt's Prescription Drug Store, Inc.
Puckett's
University of Missouri
Alumni Association
The Gothic Tower
By Mark Falcoff
ODE TO A GRECIAN ALUM
O great and rich alumnus
'Tis of thee we sing
For who of men or gods can say
What goodies you may bring?
Open wide thy fat'ning purse
Give thy wealth indulgently
(Whilst no promises) we may see
Perhaps you'll die an LL.D.
With that sobering thought we en-
ter into the festivities of Happy
Homecoming. Happy, happy home-
coming. For two whole days
there'll be life in the old monas-
tery tonight. For the alums it'll
be a time of reminiscing, of re-
calling how homecoming was in
their day. Chances are you alum-
ni will have an appreciative au-
dience, because homecoming isn't
anything like it used to be. As a
matter of fact, ever since the puri-
tanical movement began, nothing
around Old Mizzou is anything like
it used to be.
No alumni gathering has ever
seen the light of day where some-
one hasn't talked about the wild
panty raids staged at Stephens Col-
lege. "Remember the expression
on the housemother's face when
all 400 of us invaded Wales Hall?"
You may have such memories. We
won't. We don't ask for panty
raids - not that we disdain them
- but even freedom of peacable
assembly has been suspended on
the Suziecampus. The Gestapo re-
cently swooped down on an M.U.
rally at that honorable institution,
and there was hell to pay at the
Oberhauptgeheinpolzei fuhrer's of-
fice later. The boys were having
fun. The girls were having fun,
too. (Now I mean good, clean fun!)
But the enemy closed in, and that
was the last whimper of school
spirit voiced for the year.
What particularly irritates un-
dergraduates is the way that some
of you alums talk about the par-
ties you had. After listening to
some of these stories, I imagine
our present affairs must rather re-
2
semble Sunday school picnics.
These days an unwelcome guest
who is likely to appear at random
may put your house on social pro-
bation for 20 years if he finds any
strong liquid refreshment present.
Although most people have enough
good manners to observe the rule
that if you don't receive a formal
invitation to a party you shouldn't
come, there are some elements
that feel they need no invitation.
And if they find anything they
don't like, it may be a long time
before the Mizzou social world
hears anything from them again.
This brings us to the subject of
drinking, alumns. Now here is a
subject that a loudmouth colum-
nist should definitely leave alone.
The prohibition amendment has
been resurrected for M.U. students
(I might add it is observed just
about as rigorously as the XVIIIth
Amendment was) and the Dean's
office has been trying to convince
the students to accept it as an ac-
complished fact. The impossibility
of the task would seem to be self-
evident. In the end, of course, it's
merely a test of wills. Who'll yield
first? The Dean - who says "Pro-
hibition!" or the students who say,
"No! No! Never!"
Having spent more than my
share of time in the offices of ad-
ministrators who felt what I wrote
"And Big Daddy Schmidt, Class
of 1947, All-Conference Tackle, is
just stepping off the plane . "
"Meet Me at Max's"
was "irresponsible journalism," I
have no desire to make repeat en-
gagements. But there is one ques-
tion we dare to pose: How can it
be that the University of Missouri
has provided such a vast array of
distinguished and valuable citi-
zens to our state and nation when
they graduated in the days when
such restrictions didn't exist? And
one other point is germane: not a
few of the august members of our
state legislature who voted for the
new liquor law learned to drink
at Old Missouri. It didn't make
them bums, either. They were
elected to the state legislature,
weren't they?
Welcome back, alumni. It is
good that persons who attended
the Mizzou of beer and pretzels
come back to tell the Mizzou of
the University police what the
good old days were like. We'd
never know, otherwise. The M.U.
you knew is becoming a fading
vision as the years go by, and
attempts to revive it become in-
creasingly futile. Sputnik's effect
was hardly topic on the Eisen-
hower administration, but my
chicken gumbo, what an effect it
had on us! On this occasion we
welcome the return of our alum-
ni, those links with the past, whose
tales of juice and gore revive the
bygone days of antiquity.
"Too bad, he didn't wait for the
ramp."
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Filched
"Thank God! Now we can all speak German again!"
Showme
People
Co-Editora---Marion Ellis and Dale Allen
Art Director-Joe Jahraus
Cartoon Editor-W. W. Overby
Copy Editor-Ellen Welch
Layout Editor-Pete Rozier
Joke Editor-Ron Furgerson
Exchange Editor-Gary Naes
Business Manager-Dick James
Asst. Business Manager-Bruce Smith
Advertising Manager--Sandy McMillan
Circulation-Promotion Manager-Larry Fuller
Production Manager-Charlie Doud
Production Assistant-Judy Isaacs
Cartoonists-Eric Johnson, Larry Bloyd, Al Addington, Bob Ritenour, Mike Miner, William
Zander, Matt Flynn, Ron Powers, Jim Morris
Writers-Mark Falcoff, Narvie Straunch, Jim Morris, Mary Margaret Griffith, Ron Powers,
Larry Roth
Advertising Salesmen-Diza Pepper, Elaine Alberter, Bill Crabtree, Murl Kelley
Business-Sandy Lantz, Roberta MacLaggen
Copy Reader-Pete Inserra
Circulation-Promotion-Carol Vest, sorority sales manager; Bob Irvin, fraternity sales man-
ager; Ernie Urech, independent sales manager; Ralph Herring, Joe Diven, Jim Reiter,
Jamie Mathews
The Missouri Showme is an official publication of the student body of the University
of Missouri, published eight times during the school year (if we're lucky).
Address all correspondence to: Missouri Showme, Read Hall, Univ. of Mo., Columbia,
Missouri. Unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-ad-
dressed, stamped envelope. Ad rates furnished on request. National advertising representa-
tives: College Magazines Corp., 405 Lexington Ave., New York 17, N.Y.
Any material may be reprinted in whole or in part with the written permission of the
editor. Printed by Modern Litho-Print Co., Jefferson City, Missouri.
THE MEN OF PARK HOUSE boost the Showme, and its popu-
lar mascots, Mo Mule and Lil' MU Tiger, at the pep rally. Keep up
the good work, men!
4
Editor's
Ego
At noon on Friday, October 21, I
walked over to the Student Union.
This is not a momentous event I
must admit, but give me time. I'm
one of those sort-of-twisted writers.
When I got there the cubbard was
bare . . . well, so to speak, because
every last, living, blue 'n' yellar
SHOWME was gone. Sold out. De-
voured by a hungry, reading bunch
of students. Most of them said
they liked it . . . miracle of all
miracles even some of the faculty
said they liked it. We printed
3,200 copies and they were gone
within 3 hours. We took it as a tre-
mendous vote of confidence by the
students.
You might say, "The staff must
be happy as hell." But, we're not.
We expected our advertisers to ap-
preciate our enthusiasm and the
fact that we sold out should have
gladdened their hearts. It didn't.
Most of them didn't particularly
give a damn one way or the other.
Oh sure, they read the magazine
and liked it, but "There just ain't
any money left in the November
budget." Hogwash, to use a gold-
en Missouri-type word. Hogwash
because we know that a little ol'
inexpensive ad in SHOWME would
help that November budget con-
siderably. As we have proven ev-
eryone reads SHOWME and no
one throws it away.
So when you are thumbing
through this month's issue, take a
closer look at the advertising. Drop
in and see one of the advertisers
if you're in the neighborhood. Tell
him you know the story and you
might even go so far as to buy
him a beer. Of course this last
suggestion takes some profound
consideration. M.A.E.
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Pla-Boy
Drive-In
Bless my soul and let me slum
I'm a U of Mizzou alum,
Haul out the booze and bring on the beer
And tell the girls to cheer:
Im here!
SHoWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Around The Columns
Howdy A-Lum. Welcome back
to the Big U., the Big U., the Big
U. (Carried away with school spirit
again!) You'll please excuse my
grammer, I'm just learnin' this
here trade, and 'sides that we ain't
progressed much down here in the
Hill and Hink country. It's takin'
us a little time to get citified, but
graduly, slow and surely, we's
goin' to make it.
The 'ministration said we jump-
ed above the leven-thousand level
in 'tendance this year though, so
guess we been givin' out a few
more atheletic scholarships than we
usedta. Them scholarships don't
hurt none, 'cause we got a hell-
firin', rip-roarin' football team this
year. Yessir, I want to tell you
them tritons of the pigiron is fit-
tin' to be tied. We been upsettin'
the real big boys, them so-called
gladiators of the oval-spheroid
ranks, right 'n left. Our boys been
marchin' down that green-turfed
rectalangle like the other teams
wasn't even there, and rackin' up
tally after tally and the fearless
enemy too. Sometimes you kinda
feel sorry for 'em, laying there all
sprawled out and achin' and groan-
in' and all. But it really does your
heart good to hear the clappin' and
excitement the partisan fans stir
up when one of the 'ponents gits
carried off in a paddy-wagon. Why
it sounds 'most like we got school
spearit, at least 'til you 'member
that they's clappin' for the 'pon-
ent 'stead of our bare-fanged Ti-
gers.
Anyway, it sure is good to see
you all back here screamin' for
Wazzou's fearless phantoms of the
pigiron. (I wish I could be original
with by gridskin cliches, but hell,
all them sports' writers done stolen
all the glorious metaphors.) And
since you're here, you might as
well see some of the new things
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
we got around the Big U.; things
like the Med School, and the girls'
hotels, and the Double E. Build-
ing and the Fine Arts Building.
'Course, even with all these new
buildings, there still ain't nothing
like sittin' down in front of Jesse
Hall and lookin' up at the sheer
grandeur of ole Jesse's dome. It's
amazin' that they (I'm talking
'bout them structural engineers)
could fix that old dome to stand
for this long. I understand that it
was condemned once, but that's all
fixed up now - they just used
a few more nails and two-by-fours
and got it sittin' upright again.
And when you take the old stroll
down Conley, you'll see we still
got The Shack in all its splendid
architectual glory. The Stables has
been moved, but they still got the
same old atmosphere, with dogs
wanderin' 'round all wobbly-kneed
and needin' another beer for old
times' sake. Course now you know
since you're readin' this, we still
got SHOWME in all its feelthy
splendor too. You folks that's back
to campus must remember us for
something. Course, the people that
quituated back 'fore 1920 probab-
ly don't know what we're all about,
but then the rest of you should
have some fond memories of this
inglorious magazine. (My co-part-
ner in sin reminds me that the
peoples what was here from 1957
until this year probably don't re-
member us too well either, but
A Kappa Alpha lounging in a
hotel lobby perked up when an
attractive young lady passed by.
When his standard "how-de-do?"
brought nothing more than a frig-
id glance, he surmised, "Pardon
me, I thought you were my mo-
ther."
"I couldn't be," she iced, "I'm
married."
that's because we were granted a
few years' leave of absence by the
administration.)
New Showme
Speaking of this infamous sheet
of old jokes, bad stories and Sat-
urday Evening-Post-type cartoons,
I'm reminded of
a few rather hu-
morous incidents
that occurred pri-
or to the arrival
of our first issue
in October. I
hope it was ob-
vious that there
were quite a few
promotional stunts carried out just
before the publication date. We
had planned to utilize a three-point
program in order to let students
and townspeople know about our
reappearance; outstanding among
these were (1) using a barage of
posters on telephone poles and bul-
letin boards throughout the cam-
pus and in the areas adjacent to
it; (2) using a public address sys-
tem to touch the ears of everyone
within hawking distance; and (3)
using a real, live SHOWME-state
mule with advertising placed on
the po' critter in appropriate
places. To us they sounded like
easy and effective methods of get-
ting across our major point - we
wanted to sell SHOWME. But we
were taken aback by the number
of complications that can clutter
the pitch-forked path of success.
Our plan for thousands of pos-
ters came to a bitter end when
we discovered that behind each
poster-hanger walked a University
grounds' crewman. The hanger se-
lected a beautiful spot for a pos-
ter, meticulously hung the propa-
ganda so all the world could see,
and stepped back a few paces to
admire the masterpiece. Then sud-
Turn To Page 8
7
Around The
Columns.
From Page 7
denly, last summer, er, uh, as quick
as a Russian missile, the crewman
stepped in, produced a long stick
(with fitted bodice) and accented
by a protruding, tapered metal
spike, and gracefully pulled the
poster down in perfect rhythm.
(This is almost good enough for
the society page. Where's my the-
saurus, I need more adjectives?)
The most glorious moment in a
crewman's life comes when he can
rip down a poster within seconds
after it has been hung.
Authority
At first, we questioned their
authority, wondering if they, like
campus cops, did
things just for
kicks - you
know, like giving
out unwarranted
parking tickets.
But our minds
were eased when
one of our trusty
promotion assist-
ants decided to decorate the trees
on President Ellis' lawn. At last
we received recognition from the
administration. The chief hauncho
in person told our assistant that
there was no sense in tacking the
posters on trees because the ground
crew would tear them down that
evening. They did, but at least we
were officially recognized. Per-
haps even now some committee is
branding our publication with the
BMOC stamp (biggest menace on
campus.)
Our second problem arose from
an attempt to obtain the city's per-
mission to use a sound truck. City
fathers argued persistently that
sound trucks could only be used
by nonprofit organizations. It took
a lot of talking, but we finally
convinced them we are a non-
profit outlet for humor. At first
we tried that philosophy which so
many Columbia merchants seem to
think is rather an original, hilari-
ous slogan: "This is a non-profit
organization, even if we didn't in-
tend for it to be that way." It
didn't work so we adopted this
outlet store plan and the gag was
a pushover. It really was very sim-
ple after we compared ourselves
8
to the Good Will Industries. In a
sense we are very similar organi-
zations. The Good Will people take
old clothes and housefurnishings,
repair and refurnish them, then
sell them, using the profit to pay
salaries to handicapped personnel.
In comparison, we take old jokes
and old humor, rework and re-
write them, then sell them, using
the profit to pay off outstanding
debts to our poor creditors.
Reasons for difficulties behind
our third promotional stunt - to
use a real, live ass - were sim-
ple enough. We didn't know where
we were going to find a mule and
we had to convince certain parties
in the University that this sort of
display was necessary. Did you
know that mules are considered
rather indecent in cities anymore?
Well, we almost ran into that ar-
gument. But our rebuttal was too
strong. All we had to do was turn
on the teevee and watch the gold-
bricking prospector make his way
down a Western set to demonstrate
what a valuable necessity a mule
is to modern society. After all,
what would we do without West-
erns on television? or "Oh, Dr.
Neihardt, what's happened to the
good old days me lad?"
Well, the ivy has about untwined
itself from this column, so we'll
give it another month to grow
back up our crusty sides.
-William Dale Allen.
You mean we can't share a room in TD-3?"
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
"Filet Mignon $1.30 at Max's"
Homecoming-1980
By Narvie Straunch
When the old grad returns to
campi in 1980, you can bet a few
things will have changed. (We're
afraid to say improved.)
So without further ado and more
useless rhetoric here's what we
believe the old grad will find:
The University has grown to be
so huge that now when you ask
someone who happens to be from
Columbia where he lives, he re-
plies, "I'm from Columbia, a su-
burb of the University of Mis-
souri."
No one is allowed to have cars
except full professors who have
been here 75 years.
The student body is housed in
co-ed TD's.
John G. Neihardt has written
another cycle called "The Song of
Mo Mule" telling about the trials
of a mid-20th century student.
The University is building an-
other Student Union - "That one's
too old fashioned."
President Matt Hughes has been
converted to Buddhism and has a
jeweled palace where Jesse Hall
once was.
The semi-annual edition of Man-
eat carried stories about the need
for more tennis courts: Why
weren't the editors consulted be-
fore outlawing cars for visiting
chimpanzees was passed?; What
has happened to school spirit?;
Are the Russo-Chinese students
ever coming?
A parking lot finally has been
built around the columns, but no
cars are allowed and the gravel is
too irritating for blankets. There-
fore it remains doomed to obscur-
ity and there are big signs all over
proclaiming: "Keep Off the Grav-
el".
Missouri is playing Southern Il-
linois at homecoming and the new
theme is "Have break, maybe we'll
tie."
In a surprise action, the Univer-
sity has finally appropriated
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
$20,000 (1980 price index is 637)
to build a new kissing bridge for
J-School. Unfortunately, there no
longer is a J-School, since no
money was ever spent to keep the
buildings from falling down.
Several deaths have resulted
from stuck elevators lately; the
Dean of Students was the most re-
cent casualty, being caught be-
tween the 75th and 76th floors of
the new agriculture building,
which is visible from Kansas City.
Presidential candidate Jerry Lit-
ton has to cancel his visit to Co-
lumbia, because Municipal Jetport
will not accommodate rockets.
The University Committee for
Moral Reclamation (MOREC) is
conducting nightly searches of stu-
dents' rooms for pinups and por-
traits of girl friends from back
home. The Committee has also de-
creed that all girls should wear
burnooses and veils.
The Missouri Students Associa-
tion has for the twentieth straight
year adopted the Hall report on
ROTC. The administration prompt-
ly threatened, for the nineteenth
time, to abolish MSA if this was
done again.
The Columns may soon be de-
molished to make way for a 100-
foot high statue of President Matt
Hughes.
Last June, graduation was can-
celled because the crowd created
a fire hazard.
Verily, things will surely have
changed by 1980 (we're afraid to
say improved) and Old Mizzou
just continues to get older. We
can't wait!
Miller's
"And so the farmer said 'Sure you can stay all night, but you'll have
to sleep with my daughter.'"
9
"They may not be fire hydrants,
but I think they have more class"
Which reminds us . . . Once up-
on a time, a rooster was chasing
a hen around the house. An old
farmer was sitting on the front
porch eating a sandwich and
watching them. While they were
circling the house, the old farmer
threw some bread crumbs on the
ground as he finished his sand-
wich. As the rooster and the hen
rounded the house, the rooster
spotted the crumbs and stopped
chasing the hen and began to eat
the crumbs. "Judas," said the farm-
er, "I hope I never get that hun-
gry."
Sigma Nu: Have you got a pic-
ture of yourself?
Roommate: Yeah.
Sigma Nu: Then let me use that
mirror; I have to shave.
Tri-Delt: Does your boy friend
have ambitions?
Sister: Yes, ever since he was
knee high.
1st Drunk (on train): "Wha time
issit?"
2nd Drunk (pulling match box
from vest): "Ish Thursday."
1st Drunk: "S'good - here's
where I get off . . . "
There was a loud knock on Mrs.
Murphy's door. When she opened
it, the red-faced party demanded,
"Be you the Widow Murphy?"
"I am Mrs. Murphy," said she
indignantly, "but I be no widow."
"You be'nt, eh?" cackled the
visitor. "Wait till you see what
they're bringing upstairs."
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
1st Con: "What are you in for?"
2nd Con: "Rockin' my wife to
sleep."
1st Con: But they can't put you
in here for that."
2nd Con: "You ain't seen the
size of the rock."
"Why do you look so pained?"
"I'm lazy."
"What's that got to do with it."
"I'm sitting on a cigarette."
They dragged the student down
to jail and took him before the
sergeant.
"What am I here for?" he asked.
"For drinking," the officer stern-
ly replied.
"Good, when do we start."
The Novus
Shop
New Daniel Boone Hotel Ballroom now open
11
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Once Upon A Time There Was
The committee members were in trouble. Homecoming
was only six days off and they needed a good theme. By good
they meant one that would really make the decorations builders
used their heads. After all if it were something easy the people
would think they were'nt trying to come up with a good theme
This could not be.
They held an emergency meet-
ing in the small Union ballroom.
"Now, wait
man of this
it to a vote."
"I think that idea stinks."
"I have it. How about a medi-
eval theme, 'Have Witch, Will
Bitch."
4 "A Western theme, then? 'Have
horse, will force."'
A Homecoming Committee.
"Please, Mr. Advisor, Sir, help
us break this tie."
minute. I'm chair-
ommittee. Let's put
"Let's hope the administration
likes it."
(Compiled by Larry Fuller)
"It's a deadlock between 'Have
Witch, Will Bitch' and 'Have
Horse Will Force.'"
"That's it. 'Have Tie, We'll
Break. It doesn't make sense bu
it sounds pretty."
H.R. Mueller
Florist
"I suppose this means another lecture on attitude"
John's Liquors
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
WE'LL
WIN.
OR
ELSE!
By Rocko Righthalf as told
to Dale Allen
This was my first locker room
pep talk. I was excited. Coach was
excited. He was also mad and a lit-
tle nervous. He said he'd get real
mad if we lost this game, and I
believed it, too. He said there
wouldn't be no end to practices
all next week, and I believed him,
cause he was real, real mad.
He said there was no excuse in
letting some little chickenhawks
swoop down and let our bare-
fanged Tigers have it right on the
back. He looked at me. He didn't
like me cause, I'd been having a
hard time getting through English
Comp, so he thought I was pretty
stupid. Then he looked up and
around at the whole team.
He was saying the most vilest
things about us and how we was
getting lazy and not taking out
our men and forgetting plays. But
he was still trying to fire us up
for the second half, so he got gen-
tle and said, "Listen you guys, I
know you can do it. You've done
such a good job for me all year,
and I'm on my way to another
big pay raise, so get out there
and hustle.
"Now, if one of you tritons in
the backfield gets the ball on the
ten-yard line, go to the left on the
kickoff, cause that's where all the
blocking's going to be. If you
catch it on the nine, go to the
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
right, cause the blocking will be
there. Anyplace else, just hold up
your hand for a fair catch, cause
we don't have any good running
back plays for any other yard
line."
"Righthalf," he said to me,
"What are you going to do if the
ball comes to you on the ten-yard
line?"
"Duh, drop back and punt?"
"No, you fool, you're going to
run like you was conjugatin' the
verb to be."
I said ok, and Coach began look-
ing around for someone else to ask
questions to.
"Stanislouse, what do you do
when we signal for an off-tackle
slant?"
"Why, that's simple Coach, I
just take out my abacus and figure
out the mathematical pattern for
the projection of the play. Then
I swipe the quarterback's slide rule
that he figures out the plays on,
and continue figuring until I get
the basic schematics."
"Then what?"
"Then I take a quick run behind
the referee and swipe his handker-
chief in my special sleight-of-hand
play, cause the off-tackle slant is
illegal the way we do it, and he
always throws down his hanky if
he can find it."
"Right. You get a gold star."
Coach knew Stanislouse wouldn't
remember what he said too long,
but if he just remembered to get
the referee's hanky things wouldn't
be too bad.
Coach was just starting to tear
into somebody else when this lit-
tle man with big, horn-rimmed
glasses pushed his way through a
crowd of shoulder pads, slapped
me on the back and said "Good
game, boy, good game," then made
his way to Coach.
"Howdy, Coach," he said stick-
ing out a greasy hand. "Eli Whit-
ney, BJ '34."
Coach got madder. He screamed,
"How in hell's name did this re-
porter get in here?"
"I ain't no reporter. Hell, I
never could get a job when I got
out. I'm just here to help you
inspire these Tigers."
"Well, listen, bud, just fade out
will you; I've got problems to dis-
cuss with my boys."
The little guy waited around un-
til Coach went for a new piece of
chalk, licorice flavored, then he
whispered to the guys. I guess so
Coach wouldn't here what he was
saying.
He kept talking about how
warm it was out there on that
gridiron, when it really was cold-
er 'n' hell. I didn't understand all
the big words he used, but he must
have been smart and he must have
known what he was talking about.
So I listened like all the other
guys.
The game was going good now,
just a couple of minutes left be-
fore the referee took out his cap
gun and blew hell out of some-
body in the stands. We scored
twice in each quarter and Coach
was happy, cause he had a big
lead. He said it was that inspired
locker room talk he gave us that
turned the trick. He was expecting
us to carry him off the field in vic-
torious glory.
The final whistle blew. Coach
got set to be swept off his feet by
a hundred pair of shoulder pads.
The band was playing, "Oh, My
Mother," and everyone was ex-
cited.
Turn To Page 16
15
We'll Win
Or Else.
From Page 15
Coach was wondering what was
happening when those hundred
pair of shoulder pads passed him
up and left him standing all by
himself. We rushed for the little,
fuzzy man and lifted him on our
shoulders and paraded around
with him for a while.
Later in the locker room, Coach
was welcoming all the reporters
and giving them long answers to
questions. One of them said,
"Coach, what do you think turned
the tide?"
"Well, son, that's a good ques-
tion. And I don't like to take credit
for nothing, but I did give them
boys a mighty inspiring pep talk
at the halftime. I told them how
to run and where to block. They
did it too, so I guess I had some
pretty good advice."
Nobody said nothing. We just
stood under the showers and
snickered and wiped off the sweat.
A lawyer was attending a funer-
al. A friend arrived and took a
seat beside him, whispering, "How
far has the service gone?"
The lawyer nodded toward the
clergyman in the pulpit and whis-
pered back, "He just opened the
defense."
Alpha Phi: "I want some real
kiss-proof lipstick."
Co-op Clerk: "Try this. It's a
cross between onion and bichlo-
ride of mercury."
Then there was the illegitimate
Rice Krispie-it had no Pop.
Co-ed: "Jack, are you sure it's
I whom you love, and not my
clothes?"
Jack: "Just test me, darling."
You see, my father and my mo-
ther were brother and sister; that's
why I look so much alike.
The nurse entered the professor's
room and said softly, "It's a boy,
sir."
The professor looked up from
his desk. "Well," he said, "What
does he want?"
Soph: "My gawd, but I'm
hirsty."
Frosh: "Wait a minute, and I'll
get you some water."
Soph: "I said thirsty, not dirty."
A newly-married Doctor was
walking with his wife when a beau-
tiful girl smiled and bowed to him.
The wife became suspicious.
"Who is the lady, dear?"
Delta Gamma: "I think it's pos-
itively disgusting the way those
fellows in the Teke house give a
show every night before they go
to bed."
Roommate: "But I can't see any-
thing."
Delta Gamma: "I know, not from
there, but put this chair on the
desk, get on it and lean way out
to the left and tell me what you
see."
Freshman: "Why do the English
professors wear ties?"
Sophomore: "So we can tell them
from the janitors."
"Well, she's not too tall, cooks, makes all her own clothes, has lots of
personality, and all the girls here in the dorm like her . . . sure, any
time you want a blind date, call me up."
16
"Barbecued Ribs $1.20 at Max's"
"Your Human's Open"
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
"In this bottle I have peroxide
which makes blondes and in this
bottle I have dye which makes bru-
nettes."
"Yeah, and what's in the third
bottle?"
"Gin."
"Do you know what the burglar
got who broke into the SAE house
last night?"
"Yeah . . . pledged."
The girl from Louisiana was in
the hospital for a check-up.
"Have you ever been X-rayed?"
asked the doctor.
"Nope," she said, "but ah've
been ultraviolated."
Dean: I think you'll have to ad-
mit that this is a very extensive
course.
Student: Yeh, what you don't
cover in class, you cover in your
quizzes.
Davis
Cleaners-Laundry
Jim's
Paint Palette
"Not Tonight, Honey"
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
The Ret
The T
---90 MILES AN HOUR, WITH ONE HAND
ON THE WHEEL, ON THE WRONG
SIDE OF HIGHWAY 70---
HE WOULON'T SING 'OLD MISSOURI'
WITH ME,
---WE WANT A TOUCHDOWN.
WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!
Turn of
Tiger
PUT ME IN COACH--
WHA-DA-YA MEAN CLIPPING
--- FAIR MISSOURI---
AND THIS USED TO BE A PARKING LOT
An old grad returns to the campus and meets the.
Visitor's Guide
By Ron Powers
"And on your right are the six
majestic Ionic columns, which
comprise the major tradition at
the University of Missouri. As we
go on our tour today, I will point
out to you the particular places
of interest and explain the tradi-
tion and circumstances behind each
artifact. You back there on the
back roll, can you here me, I don't
want you to miss any of the vital
information that I'm about to ex-
pound?"
I looked around and figured I
was the one on the back row, so
I said, "Yeah, man I can hear you.
I mean like lets get this show on
the road."
The tourist guide continued in
his monotone, "No one knows ex-
actly what these six majestic Ionic
columns are doing sticking up from
the middle of nowhere and greet-
(3) THE STUDENTS-
payroll checks, a winter feeding
station for pigeons, and a side en-
trance to Jesse Auditorium, named
for the ninth president of the Uni-
versity.
"The University of Missouri was
established by the Geyer Act in
1839. This act is believed to be
the first of its kind west of the
Mississippi. A colorful group of
traveling circus acrobats, the Gey-
er Act, as they were known, felt
the need for an institution where-
in the young people of America
could learn the valuable art of
tumbling. Today this tradition is
still carried on in the School of
Journalism, where hundreds of
students each year practice this
art for entire semesters at a time.
cis Quadrangle (named for Gov-
ernor Francis Quadrangle) is Swal-
low Hole, which houses the geolo-
gy department. It was originally
a recreation center for Paleozoic
cavemen, if the cyphers on the
walls are to be understood cor-
rectly."
There was a short pause in the
dialogue as we made out way
through myriads of buildings to
Sixth Street. Then, the whole
thing started again.
"Now, on your left you will
see the building which houses the
belly-button, er, uh, Naval ROTC.
Besides being a symbol of our
country's readiness for times of
war, this building serves a practi-
cal purpose, protecting the Uni-
versity from any large-scale naval
ing visitors, but it's tradition and
you don't knock tradition.
"These columns are all that re-
main of the old Academic Hall,
which was destroyed by fire in
1892 during what were possibly
the first Miss Mizzou skits ever
held at this or any other univer-
sity. Erected in 1840, the old hall
was the first building on the first
campus of the first state univer-
sity west of the first river ever to
be navigated by a left-handed, be-
spectacled, red-headed Portugese
sailor with the gout. That, too, is
tradition."
This guy was getting to be a
drag already, but I was waiting to
find out where one building was,
so I stayed around to listen to the
rest of his malarky. I had the
feeling that most everyone was do-
ing the same thing.
The little man continued, "In
the background of this view of the
majestic ionic columns is Jesse
Hall, named for the eighth presi-
dent of the University, Mr. Jesse
Hall. Completed in 1895 to re-
place the burned building, Jesse
Hall houses two drinking foun-
tains, some water color pictures,
what is believed to be the first
perpetual revolving door west of
the Mississippi, a place to pick up
(2) SCHOOL OFFICIALS
THE PUBLIC
"Today, the Jefferson monu-
ment, original headstone for the
grave of the third president, stands
west of the north entrance to the
south part of the eastern portion
of Jesse Hall. Originally, it was
planned to have the Washington
monument here, but the Board of
Curators decided they would run
less risk of getting caught if they
settled for the Jefferson monu-
ment. Personally, I think they sold
themselves short. If I had been
there, I wouldn't have settled for
anything less than Monticello.
"The first Board of Curators of
the University met under a large
oak tree on October 19, 1839, and
selected the site for the Academic
Hall. The corner stone was laid
July 4, 1840, and the building was
dedicated in 1843. It was torn
down again early in 1844. Seems
that somebody had forgotten to
cut down the large oak tree. This
was quite possibly the first mistake
of its kind west of the Mississippi.
"In the meantime, University
classes began at 7:40 a.m. on
April 14, 1841, with negative
hours beginning at noon April 13,
1841.
"And, on the northeast of Jesse
Hall and on the east side of Fran-
assault proceeding by way of Sixth
Street, a great source of comfort
to University students in these
troubled times."
We walked on around campus.
I was still on the back roll. The
droll continued, "In the block-
wide area separating the East and
West Campii, as upperclassmen are
fond of putting it, is the Univer-
sity library, constructed in 1914,
forming a link between the cam-
pii, which up until that time had
never known each other existed.
Both segments found that despite
many differences, they had some-
thing in common, as both were
west of the Mississippi."
The part I liked was coming
up. I listened more intently. The
guide began again, "South of the
main campuses lie the last impor-
Himself
Campus Guide
From Page 21
tant group of buildings that we
will discuss. They are Johnston
Hall, residence hall for 318 fresh-
men women, and across the street,
Rockwall Gymnasium, for - peo-
ple, pay attention. I said, across
the street from Johnston, is Rock
- people, we've already passed
Johnst - the tour is headed this
way, peop-stop - remember the
six majestic Ionic - people, will
you come back so we can."
I was right. Everyone had the
same idea. The guide mumbled as
we were almost out of sight,
"Shucks, And just when I was
getting to the part about the
$13,600,000 Medical Center."
Letters to
the Editors
A rather healthy gal we know
fainted the other day. Took six
men to carry her out. Two astern
and two abreast.
ROTC Student: "I haven't a pen-
cil or paper for the exam."
Sergeant: "What would you think
of a soldier who went into battle
without a gun or ammunition?"
Student: "I'd think he was an
officer."
"We want a girl to sell kisses
at the bazaar. Have you had any
experience?"
"I went to Stephens."
"You're hired."
The moon was yellow,
The lane was bright;
She turned to me
In the winter night
And gave a hint
With every glance
That what she craved
Was true romance.
I stammered, stuttered,
And time went by;
The moon was yellow,
. . and so was I.
Frosh: I just brought home a
skunk.
Roomie: Where ya gonna keep
him?
Frosh: I'm gonna tie him under
the bed.
Roomie: What about the smell?
Frosh: He'll have to get used to
it like I did.
"Hey, you guys, where are you
carrying that fellow? Is he drunk?"
"Nope."
"Sick?"
"Nope."
"Just a gag, huh?"
"Nope."
"Dizzy spells, maybe?"
"Nope."
"Very tired, I guess?"
"Nope."
"Well, what the hell is wrong
with him?"
"Dead."
Beverage
House
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
The man walked up to the bar
and ordered a beer and a whiskey.
He drank the beer, then to bar-
tender's amazement, he unbutton-
ed his coat and poured the whis-
key down his lower left vest poc-
ket. Immediately he ordered an-
other beer and whiskey, disposed
of them in the same way. This
went on for several more rounds.
Meanwhile the bartender's eyes
were in danger of popping right
out of his head. Finally he burst
out: "Hey, mister, what's the idea
of that?"
"What's the idea of what?" mut-
tered the man.
"Of drinking the beer and pour-
ing the whiskey in your vest-poc-
ket?"
"None of your damn business,"
the man snarled.
"Well, I was just askin' out of
curiosity," the bartender soothed.
"Say," snapped the man sudden-
ly, "you're so nosey, I have a good
mind of jumping over the bar and
giving you a smack on the nose."
At this moment a mouse stuck
its head out of the man's vest-
pocket.
"Yes," cried the mouse, "and
that goes for your damn cat, too".
A theatre usher was astonished
'to see a big brown bear sitting in
the front row munching a bag of
peanuts.
"Hey" he whispered, "where'd
you get the peanuts? I thought the
machine was broken."
Disconsolate Prof.: "Why did
you come to college?"
Frosh Co-ed: "I came to be went
wid-but I ain't yet."
Father, looking cautiously into
living room of Pi Kappa Alpha:
"Does John Smith live here?"
Voice from inside: "Yeah, just
lay him on the couch."
And then there is the one about
the coed who had to leave school
because her slip was beginning to
show.
Pizza House
"Next Time, Take the Bus"
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Diane Emmenegger's name is not the only thing about this month's
pinup that will twist your tongue. Only a 17-year-old freshman from
St. Louis, Diane already has had an impressive array of titles bestowed
upon her including Miss Sunset Hills, Miss Silhouette and Miss Portable
Radio.
Blonde green-eyed Diane is 5-5 and his vital statistics of 36V2-22-
34 1/2. Majoring in dress design, Diane has had experience as a fashion
model and photographer's model, and has been in several TV com-
mercials. In the summer, when she has time from her modeling, Diane
can be found beautifying Capri swimming pool which her father owns.
Her other interests are horseback riding, singing and dancing, and
you can see more of her (no pun intended) in the chorus of the student
production "Bells Are Ringing."
Dorm A's second pinup beauty in a row joins all the Mizzou stu-
dents in saying, "Welcome Back, Alums!"
*
Showme's
Homecoming
Pinup
Introducing
The Public Address System
THERE IS ALWAYS THE PROBLEM OF PEOPLE IN THE EARLY LAB
SECTIONS CHEATING themselves out of a grade by giving all the answers to the later sections.
EACH YEAR, since WE GRADE on the curve, THE LATER SECTIONS finish
WITH A HIGHER LAB SCORE. If I were in an early section, I would GIVE OUT
ALL THE WRONG ANSWERS TO PEOPLE ASKING FAVORS, SO that my
grade would go that much higher on the scale.
So study and don't TRUST ANYBODY. REMEMBER Im YOUR ONLY FRIEND.
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 27
"The Best Music at Max's"
"Paw me."
Showme's
Certainly I'll elope with you Dahling!-
Within the city limits of course.
"Sonofagun! Jack Blurch! We never expected to see
YOU again."
"Well, son, I guess you're glad to be home
and away from that old college."
Best
Welcome Back
Alpha Delta Pi
507 Burnham
3-7405
Alpha Epsilon Phi
805 Richmond
3-6257
Alpha Gamma Delta
508 Rollins
3-6432
Chi Omega
406 Burnham
3-3156
Delta Delta Delta
901 Richmond
3-7302
Delta Gamma
900 Providence
3-4305
Gamma Phi Beta
808 Richmond
3-4402
Kappa Kappa Gamma
512 E. Rollins
3-7301
30
Sigma Delta Tau
924 Providence
3-5417
Zeta Tau Alpha
507 Kentucky
2-6909
Acacia
506 E. Rollins
3-6327
Alpha Gamma Rho
602 College
3-7267
Kappa Alpha
1301 University
2-1144
'Good Eatin' at Max's"
Lambda Chi Alpha
503 Kentucky
3-6364
Phi Delta Theta
101 Burnham
2-9642
Phi Gamma Delta
704 College
3-7495
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Phi Kappa Psi
809 S. Providence
3-8481
Phi Kappa Theta
601 E. Rollins
3-6445
Pi Kappa Alpha
916 Providence
2-1138
Sigma Alpha Epsilon
24 E. Stewart Road
3-4303
Sigma Alpha Mu
608 Rollins
3-4175
Sigma Chi
500 College
3-6698
Tau Kappa Epsilon
808 S. Providence
3-5450
Theta Xi
816 Virginia
3-7891
Zeta Beta Tau
915 Richmond
3-5475
Sigma Nu
620 College
3-6602
Sigma Phi Epsilon
509 Kentucky
3-8429
Farmhouse
827 Virginia
3-6292
Alpha Gamma Sigma
806 Virginia
3-3328
Alpha Tau Omega
909 Richmond
3-3391
Beta Theta Pi
520 College
3-8479
Delta Chi
1415 University
3-5488
Delta Sigma Phi
1304 Bass
3-5983
Greek Alums
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Sig Nu: "How are you this ev-
ening, honey?"
Chi Omega: "All right, but lone-
ly."
Sig Nu: "Good and lonely."
Chi Omega: "No, just lonely."
Sig Nu: "I'll be right over."
Kappa Alpha: "Honey, ah loves
yo' bathin' suit!
Susie: "Sho' nuff?"
Kappa Alpha: "Man, it sho'
does!"
Lady (to streetcar conductor):
"Will I get a shock if I put my
foot on the track?"
Conductor: "No, lady, not unless
you put your foot on the trolley
wire."
Sorority girls, most pleasing
Will soon start wheezing and
sneezing
Cold weather is rough
They're finding it tough-
To show off their pins without
freezing!
A Roommate's Psalm
"A scapegoat is my roommate;
I shall not want another like him.
He maketh me to lie down on the
edge of the bed all night; he get-
teth into my hair. He gripeth my
soul; he leadeth me into the paths
of boredom with his ancient jokes.
"Yet though I pay my part of
the rent, I fear much disturbance,
for thou art with me; thy snoring
and thy bragging discomforteth
me. Our cook prepareth a table for
me in his presence, and he gob-
bleth up all the food; he anointest
his head with my oil; my anger
runneth over. Surely to goodness,
if this dumb cluck follows me all
the college days of my life, I shall
dwell in the nuthouse forever."
Johnny: Daddy, the little girl
across the street and I are going
to get married."
Daddy: That's quite a step to
take, son. What are you going to
use for money?
Johnny: Her daddy built a play-
house and we're going to live in
that. Besides that, her big sister
goes to Stephens.
Daddy: Well, that's taking care
of the housing and financial prob-
lems. But what about children?
Have you thought about that?
Johnny: Yes, her and I have
talked it over. If she lays any eggs
we're going to step on them.
The cannibal's daughter liked
the boys best when they were
stewed.
"Yes, Sparky, It Looks Like A Quick Kick"
Showme
Contributions
"Of course, you realize it isn't
University approved."
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Wife: "Goodness, George, this is
not our baby. This is the wrong
carriage.
Hubby: "Shut up. This is a bet-
ter carriage."
And then there was the lawyer
who sat up all night, trying to
break the widow's will.
Gamma Phi: "I'm just not my-
self tonight."
Fiji: "Then maybe we can have
a good time."
In a British Hospital:
"'Ullo, Alf."
"'Ullo, Bill."
"Come to die?"
"Nope, yesterdie:"
"Stranger, I'm going to have to
ask you to apologize for that."
Sudden Service
KFRU Radio
Sink or SIN
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
- Rate Your Mate -
How does your roommate stack up with the other guys and or gals in your dorm or
house? Are you entitled to gripe about him (her) at bull sessions? You'll know if you use
this handy chart to rate your mate.
Add points in right-hand column if your roomate: Points
1. Can get you a sharp date 10
2. Buys intellectual periodicals (Playboy, Mad, Time, etc.) 5
3. Buys SHOWME 20
4. Keeps a neat room 5
5. Keeps his half of the room as messy as yours 15
6. Is a late sleeper 2
7. Snores minus 3
8. Has insomnia or sleepwalks minus 5
9. Keeps a supply of Coke and candy handy 5
10. Helps you with homework 10
11. Has a car 18
12. Has a car but makes you pay for gas 5
13. Can't fit into your clothes 7
14. Owns clothes you can wear 15
Rate your mate as follows:
Over 100-perfect roommate
80-100-don't gripe - he's probably better than you
40-80-gripe behind his back
10-40-try the Mental Hygiene Clinc. They should be able to help one of you.
minus 3-10-things could be worse
below-they should be this bad. You could find a better roommate in Greenwich village.
34 SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
"Black Label Beer 20c at Max's"
A grammar school teacher, after
explaining to her class that the
word "frugal" meant "saving"
asked that all the pupils use the
word in a story. Several moments
later, a little girl proudly handed
in the following:
"Once upon a time there was a
beautiful princess who got lost in
the forest. A handsome prince rode
by on a white horse one day and
when the princess saw him she
cried: "Oh please! Frugal me!" So
he frugaled her and they got mar-
ried and lived happily ever after."
Joe: Your girl is spoiled, isn't
she?
Jim: No, that's just the perfume
she's wearing.
Two people happened to be
walking along a road together.
One was a young woman, the other
a handsome farmer lad. The farm-
er lad was carrying a large kettle
on his back, holding a chicken in
one hand, a cane in the other and
leading a goat. They came to a
dark ravine.
Said She: "I'm afraid to walk
here with you. You might try to
kiss me."
Said He: "How could I with all
these things to carry?"
Said She: "Well, you might stick
the cane in the ground, tie the
goat to it, and put the chicken
under the kettle."
Sally: "Does the train stop at
San Francisco?"
Conductor: "Well, lady, if it
doesn't, there's going to be one
hell of a splash."
There was a young fellow named
Sid,
Who kissed a young girl on the
eyelid.
She said to the lad,
"Your aim's pretty bad.
You should practice awhile." So
he did.
In San Francisco, a tugboat com-
mitted suicide when it found out
that its mother was a tramp and
its father was a ferry.
"That's the guy I'm laying for,"
muttered the hen as the farmer
walked by.
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
"This is Just the Thing for Your One-man War Against Crime"
CONTRIBUTOR'S PAGE
This is Sandy Overbey, founder
of the Small Society to Abolish
the Columns and Build a Parking
Lot, member of the Association to
Stamp Out Cliches, oh, and inci-
dentally, dedicated Cartoon Editor
of Showme. (that is the name of
the publication you are now pe-
rusing.)
Sandy - his full name is Wil-
liam Wallace Ian Overbey - hails
from Shenandoah, Iowa, but says
his family are "just transplanted
Missourians. I was born in War-
rensburg, Mo." He describes him-
self as "a sophomore of sorts, and
I probably will be for two or
three years."
Sandy is aiming for an advertis-
ing career after graduation from
J School. He is the fourth genera-
tion of journalists in his family.
He studied for five years at the
Kriwi School of Fine Art in Shen-
andoah. His language background
includes "a smattering of Russian,
Spanish, Latin, French, and a little
very little, English."
"If there is one thing I can't
stand, it's a bigot or a person of
the opposite extreme, one who
joins every cause, the banner car-
rier. I am a non-joiner for this rea-
son," he says.
On cartoonists: "A good cartoon-
ist must have an acute sensitivity
to his environment so he can de-
rive comic situations, he must have
perseverance, and innate talent."
On talent: "But I think one
needs much more peserverance
than talent. Talent is something
people who don't have the guts to
stick to it, attribute to the ones
who do."
On his cultural enjoyments:
"Four of us sometimes spend Sun-
day afternoons playing bridge, lis-
tening to classical music, and get-
ting drunk on brandy. The Triple
B, we call it - Bach, Brandy, and
Bridge."
And Sandy grinned. He grins a
lot.
Showme's red headed art direc-
tor and creator of Mo Mule, Joe
Jahraus (accented on second syl-
lable which rhymes with "house")
is probably the only art director
around who, as soon as he was
born, (twenty-four years ago in
Eldora, Iowa) was made an hon-
orary member of the National Hay
Fever Club. "It's like," explains
Joe, "my parents met at the Na-
tional Hay Fever Club in Duluth,
Minnesota. So, when I was born,
I was made a member, too." The
only odd thing is that Joe doesn't
get hay fever.
A sophomore PiKA, Joe now
calls Pacific, Missouri, his home.
Before coming to Mizzou he work-
ed and went to night school at
Washington U.
His favorites include "girls, and
Falstaff, and girls, and ham and
beans, and girls, and sleeping and
S. . I guess I'm in enough hot
water for now."
The Ray Conniff concert was a
thrilling thing for Joe. He says on
that: "I broke out in goose pim-
ples all over during his music, but
I enjoyed the track meet during
the intermission even more." He
classes Bob Scobie's Frisco Jazz
Band, Bobby Hackett, and Sam-
my Gardner (at the Tiger Den in
St. Louis) as his other favorite
music makers.
Joe winds up with: "I'm always
smiling. Ha! Get out of here, peo-
ple, BEFORE I THROW AN INK
BOTTLE AT YOU!"
Such a friendly fellow, that Joe.
SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960
Co-editors Marion Ellis and Dale Allen and
staff artist Bob Ritenour view the full-color repli-
ca of the October SHOWME's cover painted on the
wall of the J-School hangout, the Bengal Shop.
SHOWME regrets that all Columbia won't get to
see the "masterpiece" as the Bengal has now closed
- for what reason we do not know . . . could it be
money?
36
"Lowest Beer Prices at Max's"
U.S. Air Force
Salem
Cigarettes