Showme November, 1960 Showme November, 1960 2008 1960/11 image/jpeg University of Missouri Special Collections, Archives and Rare Book Division These pages may be freely searched and displayed. Permission must be received for subsequent distribution in print or electronically. Please contact hollandm@missouri.edu for more information. Missouri Showme Magazine Collection University of Missouri Digital Library Production Services Columbia, Missouri 108 show196011

Showme November, 1960; by Students of the University of Missouri Columbia, MO 1960

All blank pages have been eliminated.
Showme November 1960 35 cents Welcome Back Alums 40 years on campus Hunt's Prescription Drug Store, Inc. Puckett's University of Missouri Alumni Association The Gothic Tower By Mark Falcoff ODE TO A GRECIAN ALUM O great and rich alumnus 'Tis of thee we sing For who of men or gods can say What goodies you may bring? Open wide thy fat'ning purse Give thy wealth indulgently (Whilst no promises) we may see Perhaps you'll die an LL.D. With that sobering thought we en- ter into the festivities of Happy Homecoming. Happy, happy home- coming. For two whole days there'll be life in the old monas- tery tonight. For the alums it'll be a time of reminiscing, of re- calling how homecoming was in their day. Chances are you alum- ni will have an appreciative au- dience, because homecoming isn't anything like it used to be. As a matter of fact, ever since the puri- tanical movement began, nothing around Old Mizzou is anything like it used to be. No alumni gathering has ever seen the light of day where some- one hasn't talked about the wild panty raids staged at Stephens Col- lege. "Remember the expression on the housemother's face when all 400 of us invaded Wales Hall?" You may have such memories. We won't. We don't ask for panty raids - not that we disdain them - but even freedom of peacable assembly has been suspended on the Suziecampus. The Gestapo re- cently swooped down on an M.U. rally at that honorable institution, and there was hell to pay at the Oberhauptgeheinpolzei fuhrer's of- fice later. The boys were having fun. The girls were having fun, too. (Now I mean good, clean fun!) But the enemy closed in, and that was the last whimper of school spirit voiced for the year. What particularly irritates un- dergraduates is the way that some of you alums talk about the par- ties you had. After listening to some of these stories, I imagine our present affairs must rather re- 2 semble Sunday school picnics. These days an unwelcome guest who is likely to appear at random may put your house on social pro- bation for 20 years if he finds any strong liquid refreshment present. Although most people have enough good manners to observe the rule that if you don't receive a formal invitation to a party you shouldn't come, there are some elements that feel they need no invitation. And if they find anything they don't like, it may be a long time before the Mizzou social world hears anything from them again. This brings us to the subject of drinking, alumns. Now here is a subject that a loudmouth colum- nist should definitely leave alone. The prohibition amendment has been resurrected for M.U. students (I might add it is observed just about as rigorously as the XVIIIth Amendment was) and the Dean's office has been trying to convince the students to accept it as an ac- complished fact. The impossibility of the task would seem to be self- evident. In the end, of course, it's merely a test of wills. Who'll yield first? The Dean - who says "Pro- hibition!" or the students who say, "No! No! Never!" Having spent more than my share of time in the offices of ad- ministrators who felt what I wrote "And Big Daddy Schmidt, Class of 1947, All-Conference Tackle, is just stepping off the plane . " "Meet Me at Max's" was "irresponsible journalism," I have no desire to make repeat en- gagements. But there is one ques- tion we dare to pose: How can it be that the University of Missouri has provided such a vast array of distinguished and valuable citi- zens to our state and nation when they graduated in the days when such restrictions didn't exist? And one other point is germane: not a few of the august members of our state legislature who voted for the new liquor law learned to drink at Old Missouri. It didn't make them bums, either. They were elected to the state legislature, weren't they? Welcome back, alumni. It is good that persons who attended the Mizzou of beer and pretzels come back to tell the Mizzou of the University police what the good old days were like. We'd never know, otherwise. The M.U. you knew is becoming a fading vision as the years go by, and attempts to revive it become in- creasingly futile. Sputnik's effect was hardly topic on the Eisen- hower administration, but my chicken gumbo, what an effect it had on us! On this occasion we welcome the return of our alum- ni, those links with the past, whose tales of juice and gore revive the bygone days of antiquity. "Too bad, he didn't wait for the ramp." SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Filched "Thank God! Now we can all speak German again!" Showme People Co-Editora---Marion Ellis and Dale Allen Art Director-Joe Jahraus Cartoon Editor-W. W. Overby Copy Editor-Ellen Welch Layout Editor-Pete Rozier Joke Editor-Ron Furgerson Exchange Editor-Gary Naes Business Manager-Dick James Asst. Business Manager-Bruce Smith Advertising Manager--Sandy McMillan Circulation-Promotion Manager-Larry Fuller Production Manager-Charlie Doud Production Assistant-Judy Isaacs Cartoonists-Eric Johnson, Larry Bloyd, Al Addington, Bob Ritenour, Mike Miner, William Zander, Matt Flynn, Ron Powers, Jim Morris Writers-Mark Falcoff, Narvie Straunch, Jim Morris, Mary Margaret Griffith, Ron Powers, Larry Roth Advertising Salesmen-Diza Pepper, Elaine Alberter, Bill Crabtree, Murl Kelley Business-Sandy Lantz, Roberta MacLaggen Copy Reader-Pete Inserra Circulation-Promotion-Carol Vest, sorority sales manager; Bob Irvin, fraternity sales man- ager; Ernie Urech, independent sales manager; Ralph Herring, Joe Diven, Jim Reiter, Jamie Mathews The Missouri Showme is an official publication of the student body of the University of Missouri, published eight times during the school year (if we're lucky). Address all correspondence to: Missouri Showme, Read Hall, Univ. of Mo., Columbia, Missouri. Unsolicited manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-ad- dressed, stamped envelope. Ad rates furnished on request. National advertising representa- tives: College Magazines Corp., 405 Lexington Ave., New York 17, N.Y. Any material may be reprinted in whole or in part with the written permission of the editor. Printed by Modern Litho-Print Co., Jefferson City, Missouri. THE MEN OF PARK HOUSE boost the Showme, and its popu- lar mascots, Mo Mule and Lil' MU Tiger, at the pep rally. Keep up the good work, men! 4 Editor's Ego At noon on Friday, October 21, I walked over to the Student Union. This is not a momentous event I must admit, but give me time. I'm one of those sort-of-twisted writers. When I got there the cubbard was bare . . . well, so to speak, because every last, living, blue 'n' yellar SHOWME was gone. Sold out. De- voured by a hungry, reading bunch of students. Most of them said they liked it . . . miracle of all miracles even some of the faculty said they liked it. We printed 3,200 copies and they were gone within 3 hours. We took it as a tre- mendous vote of confidence by the students. You might say, "The staff must be happy as hell." But, we're not. We expected our advertisers to ap- preciate our enthusiasm and the fact that we sold out should have gladdened their hearts. It didn't. Most of them didn't particularly give a damn one way or the other. Oh sure, they read the magazine and liked it, but "There just ain't any money left in the November budget." Hogwash, to use a gold- en Missouri-type word. Hogwash because we know that a little ol' inexpensive ad in SHOWME would help that November budget con- siderably. As we have proven ev- eryone reads SHOWME and no one throws it away. So when you are thumbing through this month's issue, take a closer look at the advertising. Drop in and see one of the advertisers if you're in the neighborhood. Tell him you know the story and you might even go so far as to buy him a beer. Of course this last suggestion takes some profound consideration. M.A.E. SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Pla-Boy Drive-In Bless my soul and let me slum I'm a U of Mizzou alum, Haul out the booze and bring on the beer And tell the girls to cheer: Im here! SHoWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Around The Columns Howdy A-Lum. Welcome back to the Big U., the Big U., the Big U. (Carried away with school spirit again!) You'll please excuse my grammer, I'm just learnin' this here trade, and 'sides that we ain't progressed much down here in the Hill and Hink country. It's takin' us a little time to get citified, but graduly, slow and surely, we's goin' to make it. The 'ministration said we jump- ed above the leven-thousand level in 'tendance this year though, so guess we been givin' out a few more atheletic scholarships than we usedta. Them scholarships don't hurt none, 'cause we got a hell- firin', rip-roarin' football team this year. Yessir, I want to tell you them tritons of the pigiron is fit- tin' to be tied. We been upsettin' the real big boys, them so-called gladiators of the oval-spheroid ranks, right 'n left. Our boys been marchin' down that green-turfed rectalangle like the other teams wasn't even there, and rackin' up tally after tally and the fearless enemy too. Sometimes you kinda feel sorry for 'em, laying there all sprawled out and achin' and groan- in' and all. But it really does your heart good to hear the clappin' and excitement the partisan fans stir up when one of the 'ponents gits carried off in a paddy-wagon. Why it sounds 'most like we got school spearit, at least 'til you 'member that they's clappin' for the 'pon- ent 'stead of our bare-fanged Ti- gers. Anyway, it sure is good to see you all back here screamin' for Wazzou's fearless phantoms of the pigiron. (I wish I could be original with by gridskin cliches, but hell, all them sports' writers done stolen all the glorious metaphors.) And since you're here, you might as well see some of the new things SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 we got around the Big U.; things like the Med School, and the girls' hotels, and the Double E. Build- ing and the Fine Arts Building. 'Course, even with all these new buildings, there still ain't nothing like sittin' down in front of Jesse Hall and lookin' up at the sheer grandeur of ole Jesse's dome. It's amazin' that they (I'm talking 'bout them structural engineers) could fix that old dome to stand for this long. I understand that it was condemned once, but that's all fixed up now - they just used a few more nails and two-by-fours and got it sittin' upright again. And when you take the old stroll down Conley, you'll see we still got The Shack in all its splendid architectual glory. The Stables has been moved, but they still got the same old atmosphere, with dogs wanderin' 'round all wobbly-kneed and needin' another beer for old times' sake. Course now you know since you're readin' this, we still got SHOWME in all its feelthy splendor too. You folks that's back to campus must remember us for something. Course, the people that quituated back 'fore 1920 probab- ly don't know what we're all about, but then the rest of you should have some fond memories of this inglorious magazine. (My co-part- ner in sin reminds me that the peoples what was here from 1957 until this year probably don't re- member us too well either, but A Kappa Alpha lounging in a hotel lobby perked up when an attractive young lady passed by. When his standard "how-de-do?" brought nothing more than a frig- id glance, he surmised, "Pardon me, I thought you were my mo- ther." "I couldn't be," she iced, "I'm married." that's because we were granted a few years' leave of absence by the administration.) New Showme Speaking of this infamous sheet of old jokes, bad stories and Sat- urday Evening-Post-type cartoons, I'm reminded of a few rather hu- morous incidents that occurred pri- or to the arrival of our first issue in October. I hope it was ob- vious that there were quite a few promotional stunts carried out just before the publication date. We had planned to utilize a three-point program in order to let students and townspeople know about our reappearance; outstanding among these were (1) using a barage of posters on telephone poles and bul- letin boards throughout the cam- pus and in the areas adjacent to it; (2) using a public address sys- tem to touch the ears of everyone within hawking distance; and (3) using a real, live SHOWME-state mule with advertising placed on the po' critter in appropriate places. To us they sounded like easy and effective methods of get- ting across our major point - we wanted to sell SHOWME. But we were taken aback by the number of complications that can clutter the pitch-forked path of success. Our plan for thousands of pos- ters came to a bitter end when we discovered that behind each poster-hanger walked a University grounds' crewman. The hanger se- lected a beautiful spot for a pos- ter, meticulously hung the propa- ganda so all the world could see, and stepped back a few paces to admire the masterpiece. Then sud- Turn To Page 8 7 Around The Columns. From Page 7 denly, last summer, er, uh, as quick as a Russian missile, the crewman stepped in, produced a long stick (with fitted bodice) and accented by a protruding, tapered metal spike, and gracefully pulled the poster down in perfect rhythm. (This is almost good enough for the society page. Where's my the- saurus, I need more adjectives?) The most glorious moment in a crewman's life comes when he can rip down a poster within seconds after it has been hung. Authority At first, we questioned their authority, wondering if they, like campus cops, did things just for kicks - you know, like giving out unwarranted parking tickets. But our minds were eased when one of our trusty promotion assist- ants decided to decorate the trees on President Ellis' lawn. At last we received recognition from the administration. The chief hauncho in person told our assistant that there was no sense in tacking the posters on trees because the ground crew would tear them down that evening. They did, but at least we were officially recognized. Per- haps even now some committee is branding our publication with the BMOC stamp (biggest menace on campus.) Our second problem arose from an attempt to obtain the city's per- mission to use a sound truck. City fathers argued persistently that sound trucks could only be used by nonprofit organizations. It took a lot of talking, but we finally convinced them we are a non- profit outlet for humor. At first we tried that philosophy which so many Columbia merchants seem to think is rather an original, hilari- ous slogan: "This is a non-profit organization, even if we didn't in- tend for it to be that way." It didn't work so we adopted this outlet store plan and the gag was a pushover. It really was very sim- ple after we compared ourselves 8 to the Good Will Industries. In a sense we are very similar organi- zations. The Good Will people take old clothes and housefurnishings, repair and refurnish them, then sell them, using the profit to pay salaries to handicapped personnel. In comparison, we take old jokes and old humor, rework and re- write them, then sell them, using the profit to pay off outstanding debts to our poor creditors. Reasons for difficulties behind our third promotional stunt - to use a real, live ass - were sim- ple enough. We didn't know where we were going to find a mule and we had to convince certain parties in the University that this sort of display was necessary. Did you know that mules are considered rather indecent in cities anymore? Well, we almost ran into that ar- gument. But our rebuttal was too strong. All we had to do was turn on the teevee and watch the gold- bricking prospector make his way down a Western set to demonstrate what a valuable necessity a mule is to modern society. After all, what would we do without West- erns on television? or "Oh, Dr. Neihardt, what's happened to the good old days me lad?" Well, the ivy has about untwined itself from this column, so we'll give it another month to grow back up our crusty sides. -William Dale Allen. You mean we can't share a room in TD-3?" SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 "Filet Mignon $1.30 at Max's" Homecoming-1980 By Narvie Straunch When the old grad returns to campi in 1980, you can bet a few things will have changed. (We're afraid to say improved.) So without further ado and more useless rhetoric here's what we believe the old grad will find: The University has grown to be so huge that now when you ask someone who happens to be from Columbia where he lives, he re- plies, "I'm from Columbia, a su- burb of the University of Mis- souri." No one is allowed to have cars except full professors who have been here 75 years. The student body is housed in co-ed TD's. John G. Neihardt has written another cycle called "The Song of Mo Mule" telling about the trials of a mid-20th century student. The University is building an- other Student Union - "That one's too old fashioned." President Matt Hughes has been converted to Buddhism and has a jeweled palace where Jesse Hall once was. The semi-annual edition of Man- eat carried stories about the need for more tennis courts: Why weren't the editors consulted be- fore outlawing cars for visiting chimpanzees was passed?; What has happened to school spirit?; Are the Russo-Chinese students ever coming? A parking lot finally has been built around the columns, but no cars are allowed and the gravel is too irritating for blankets. There- fore it remains doomed to obscur- ity and there are big signs all over proclaiming: "Keep Off the Grav- el". Missouri is playing Southern Il- linois at homecoming and the new theme is "Have break, maybe we'll tie." In a surprise action, the Univer- sity has finally appropriated SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 $20,000 (1980 price index is 637) to build a new kissing bridge for J-School. Unfortunately, there no longer is a J-School, since no money was ever spent to keep the buildings from falling down. Several deaths have resulted from stuck elevators lately; the Dean of Students was the most re- cent casualty, being caught be- tween the 75th and 76th floors of the new agriculture building, which is visible from Kansas City. Presidential candidate Jerry Lit- ton has to cancel his visit to Co- lumbia, because Municipal Jetport will not accommodate rockets. The University Committee for Moral Reclamation (MOREC) is conducting nightly searches of stu- dents' rooms for pinups and por- traits of girl friends from back home. The Committee has also de- creed that all girls should wear burnooses and veils. The Missouri Students Associa- tion has for the twentieth straight year adopted the Hall report on ROTC. The administration prompt- ly threatened, for the nineteenth time, to abolish MSA if this was done again. The Columns may soon be de- molished to make way for a 100- foot high statue of President Matt Hughes. Last June, graduation was can- celled because the crowd created a fire hazard. Verily, things will surely have changed by 1980 (we're afraid to say improved) and Old Mizzou just continues to get older. We can't wait! Miller's "And so the farmer said 'Sure you can stay all night, but you'll have to sleep with my daughter.'" 9 "They may not be fire hydrants, but I think they have more class" Which reminds us . . . Once up- on a time, a rooster was chasing a hen around the house. An old farmer was sitting on the front porch eating a sandwich and watching them. While they were circling the house, the old farmer threw some bread crumbs on the ground as he finished his sand- wich. As the rooster and the hen rounded the house, the rooster spotted the crumbs and stopped chasing the hen and began to eat the crumbs. "Judas," said the farm- er, "I hope I never get that hun- gry." Sigma Nu: Have you got a pic- ture of yourself? Roommate: Yeah. Sigma Nu: Then let me use that mirror; I have to shave. Tri-Delt: Does your boy friend have ambitions? Sister: Yes, ever since he was knee high. 1st Drunk (on train): "Wha time issit?" 2nd Drunk (pulling match box from vest): "Ish Thursday." 1st Drunk: "S'good - here's where I get off . . . " There was a loud knock on Mrs. Murphy's door. When she opened it, the red-faced party demanded, "Be you the Widow Murphy?" "I am Mrs. Murphy," said she indignantly, "but I be no widow." "You be'nt, eh?" cackled the visitor. "Wait till you see what they're bringing upstairs." SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 1st Con: "What are you in for?" 2nd Con: "Rockin' my wife to sleep." 1st Con: But they can't put you in here for that." 2nd Con: "You ain't seen the size of the rock." "Why do you look so pained?" "I'm lazy." "What's that got to do with it." "I'm sitting on a cigarette." They dragged the student down to jail and took him before the sergeant. "What am I here for?" he asked. "For drinking," the officer stern- ly replied. "Good, when do we start." The Novus Shop New Daniel Boone Hotel Ballroom now open 11 SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Once Upon A Time There Was The committee members were in trouble. Homecoming was only six days off and they needed a good theme. By good they meant one that would really make the decorations builders used their heads. After all if it were something easy the people would think they were'nt trying to come up with a good theme This could not be. They held an emergency meet- ing in the small Union ballroom. "Now, wait man of this it to a vote." "I think that idea stinks." "I have it. How about a medi- eval theme, 'Have Witch, Will Bitch." 4 "A Western theme, then? 'Have horse, will force."' A Homecoming Committee. "Please, Mr. Advisor, Sir, help us break this tie." minute. I'm chair- ommittee. Let's put "Let's hope the administration likes it." (Compiled by Larry Fuller) "It's a deadlock between 'Have Witch, Will Bitch' and 'Have Horse Will Force.'" "That's it. 'Have Tie, We'll Break. It doesn't make sense bu it sounds pretty." H.R. Mueller Florist "I suppose this means another lecture on attitude" John's Liquors SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 WE'LL WIN. OR ELSE! By Rocko Righthalf as told to Dale Allen This was my first locker room pep talk. I was excited. Coach was excited. He was also mad and a lit- tle nervous. He said he'd get real mad if we lost this game, and I believed it, too. He said there wouldn't be no end to practices all next week, and I believed him, cause he was real, real mad. He said there was no excuse in letting some little chickenhawks swoop down and let our bare- fanged Tigers have it right on the back. He looked at me. He didn't like me cause, I'd been having a hard time getting through English Comp, so he thought I was pretty stupid. Then he looked up and around at the whole team. He was saying the most vilest things about us and how we was getting lazy and not taking out our men and forgetting plays. But he was still trying to fire us up for the second half, so he got gen- tle and said, "Listen you guys, I know you can do it. You've done such a good job for me all year, and I'm on my way to another big pay raise, so get out there and hustle. "Now, if one of you tritons in the backfield gets the ball on the ten-yard line, go to the left on the kickoff, cause that's where all the blocking's going to be. If you catch it on the nine, go to the SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 right, cause the blocking will be there. Anyplace else, just hold up your hand for a fair catch, cause we don't have any good running back plays for any other yard line." "Righthalf," he said to me, "What are you going to do if the ball comes to you on the ten-yard line?" "Duh, drop back and punt?" "No, you fool, you're going to run like you was conjugatin' the verb to be." I said ok, and Coach began look- ing around for someone else to ask questions to. "Stanislouse, what do you do when we signal for an off-tackle slant?" "Why, that's simple Coach, I just take out my abacus and figure out the mathematical pattern for the projection of the play. Then I swipe the quarterback's slide rule that he figures out the plays on, and continue figuring until I get the basic schematics." "Then what?" "Then I take a quick run behind the referee and swipe his handker- chief in my special sleight-of-hand play, cause the off-tackle slant is illegal the way we do it, and he always throws down his hanky if he can find it." "Right. You get a gold star." Coach knew Stanislouse wouldn't remember what he said too long, but if he just remembered to get the referee's hanky things wouldn't be too bad. Coach was just starting to tear into somebody else when this lit- tle man with big, horn-rimmed glasses pushed his way through a crowd of shoulder pads, slapped me on the back and said "Good game, boy, good game," then made his way to Coach. "Howdy, Coach," he said stick- ing out a greasy hand. "Eli Whit- ney, BJ '34." Coach got madder. He screamed, "How in hell's name did this re- porter get in here?" "I ain't no reporter. Hell, I never could get a job when I got out. I'm just here to help you inspire these Tigers." "Well, listen, bud, just fade out will you; I've got problems to dis- cuss with my boys." The little guy waited around un- til Coach went for a new piece of chalk, licorice flavored, then he whispered to the guys. I guess so Coach wouldn't here what he was saying. He kept talking about how warm it was out there on that gridiron, when it really was cold- er 'n' hell. I didn't understand all the big words he used, but he must have been smart and he must have known what he was talking about. So I listened like all the other guys. The game was going good now, just a couple of minutes left be- fore the referee took out his cap gun and blew hell out of some- body in the stands. We scored twice in each quarter and Coach was happy, cause he had a big lead. He said it was that inspired locker room talk he gave us that turned the trick. He was expecting us to carry him off the field in vic- torious glory. The final whistle blew. Coach got set to be swept off his feet by a hundred pair of shoulder pads. The band was playing, "Oh, My Mother," and everyone was ex- cited. Turn To Page 16 15 We'll Win Or Else. From Page 15 Coach was wondering what was happening when those hundred pair of shoulder pads passed him up and left him standing all by himself. We rushed for the little, fuzzy man and lifted him on our shoulders and paraded around with him for a while. Later in the locker room, Coach was welcoming all the reporters and giving them long answers to questions. One of them said, "Coach, what do you think turned the tide?" "Well, son, that's a good ques- tion. And I don't like to take credit for nothing, but I did give them boys a mighty inspiring pep talk at the halftime. I told them how to run and where to block. They did it too, so I guess I had some pretty good advice." Nobody said nothing. We just stood under the showers and snickered and wiped off the sweat. A lawyer was attending a funer- al. A friend arrived and took a seat beside him, whispering, "How far has the service gone?" The lawyer nodded toward the clergyman in the pulpit and whis- pered back, "He just opened the defense." Alpha Phi: "I want some real kiss-proof lipstick." Co-op Clerk: "Try this. It's a cross between onion and bichlo- ride of mercury." Then there was the illegitimate Rice Krispie-it had no Pop. Co-ed: "Jack, are you sure it's I whom you love, and not my clothes?" Jack: "Just test me, darling." You see, my father and my mo- ther were brother and sister; that's why I look so much alike. The nurse entered the professor's room and said softly, "It's a boy, sir." The professor looked up from his desk. "Well," he said, "What does he want?" Soph: "My gawd, but I'm hirsty." Frosh: "Wait a minute, and I'll get you some water." Soph: "I said thirsty, not dirty." A newly-married Doctor was walking with his wife when a beau- tiful girl smiled and bowed to him. The wife became suspicious. "Who is the lady, dear?" Delta Gamma: "I think it's pos- itively disgusting the way those fellows in the Teke house give a show every night before they go to bed." Roommate: "But I can't see any- thing." Delta Gamma: "I know, not from there, but put this chair on the desk, get on it and lean way out to the left and tell me what you see." Freshman: "Why do the English professors wear ties?" Sophomore: "So we can tell them from the janitors." "Well, she's not too tall, cooks, makes all her own clothes, has lots of personality, and all the girls here in the dorm like her . . . sure, any time you want a blind date, call me up." 16 "Barbecued Ribs $1.20 at Max's" "Your Human's Open" SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 "In this bottle I have peroxide which makes blondes and in this bottle I have dye which makes bru- nettes." "Yeah, and what's in the third bottle?" "Gin." "Do you know what the burglar got who broke into the SAE house last night?" "Yeah . . . pledged." The girl from Louisiana was in the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been X-rayed?" asked the doctor. "Nope," she said, "but ah've been ultraviolated." Dean: I think you'll have to ad- mit that this is a very extensive course. Student: Yeh, what you don't cover in class, you cover in your quizzes. Davis Cleaners-Laundry Jim's Paint Palette "Not Tonight, Honey" SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 The Ret The T ---90 MILES AN HOUR, WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL, ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HIGHWAY 70--- HE WOULON'T SING 'OLD MISSOURI' WITH ME, ---WE WANT A TOUCHDOWN. WELL I'LL BE DAMNED! Turn of Tiger PUT ME IN COACH-- WHA-DA-YA MEAN CLIPPING --- FAIR MISSOURI--- AND THIS USED TO BE A PARKING LOT An old grad returns to the campus and meets the. Visitor's Guide By Ron Powers "And on your right are the six majestic Ionic columns, which comprise the major tradition at the University of Missouri. As we go on our tour today, I will point out to you the particular places of interest and explain the tradi- tion and circumstances behind each artifact. You back there on the back roll, can you here me, I don't want you to miss any of the vital information that I'm about to ex- pound?" I looked around and figured I was the one on the back row, so I said, "Yeah, man I can hear you. I mean like lets get this show on the road." The tourist guide continued in his monotone, "No one knows ex- actly what these six majestic Ionic columns are doing sticking up from the middle of nowhere and greet- (3) THE STUDENTS- payroll checks, a winter feeding station for pigeons, and a side en- trance to Jesse Auditorium, named for the ninth president of the Uni- versity. "The University of Missouri was established by the Geyer Act in 1839. This act is believed to be the first of its kind west of the Mississippi. A colorful group of traveling circus acrobats, the Gey- er Act, as they were known, felt the need for an institution where- in the young people of America could learn the valuable art of tumbling. Today this tradition is still carried on in the School of Journalism, where hundreds of students each year practice this art for entire semesters at a time. cis Quadrangle (named for Gov- ernor Francis Quadrangle) is Swal- low Hole, which houses the geolo- gy department. It was originally a recreation center for Paleozoic cavemen, if the cyphers on the walls are to be understood cor- rectly." There was a short pause in the dialogue as we made out way through myriads of buildings to Sixth Street. Then, the whole thing started again. "Now, on your left you will see the building which houses the belly-button, er, uh, Naval ROTC. Besides being a symbol of our country's readiness for times of war, this building serves a practi- cal purpose, protecting the Uni- versity from any large-scale naval ing visitors, but it's tradition and you don't knock tradition. "These columns are all that re- main of the old Academic Hall, which was destroyed by fire in 1892 during what were possibly the first Miss Mizzou skits ever held at this or any other univer- sity. Erected in 1840, the old hall was the first building on the first campus of the first state univer- sity west of the first river ever to be navigated by a left-handed, be- spectacled, red-headed Portugese sailor with the gout. That, too, is tradition." This guy was getting to be a drag already, but I was waiting to find out where one building was, so I stayed around to listen to the rest of his malarky. I had the feeling that most everyone was do- ing the same thing. The little man continued, "In the background of this view of the majestic ionic columns is Jesse Hall, named for the eighth presi- dent of the University, Mr. Jesse Hall. Completed in 1895 to re- place the burned building, Jesse Hall houses two drinking foun- tains, some water color pictures, what is believed to be the first perpetual revolving door west of the Mississippi, a place to pick up (2) SCHOOL OFFICIALS THE PUBLIC "Today, the Jefferson monu- ment, original headstone for the grave of the third president, stands west of the north entrance to the south part of the eastern portion of Jesse Hall. Originally, it was planned to have the Washington monument here, but the Board of Curators decided they would run less risk of getting caught if they settled for the Jefferson monu- ment. Personally, I think they sold themselves short. If I had been there, I wouldn't have settled for anything less than Monticello. "The first Board of Curators of the University met under a large oak tree on October 19, 1839, and selected the site for the Academic Hall. The corner stone was laid July 4, 1840, and the building was dedicated in 1843. It was torn down again early in 1844. Seems that somebody had forgotten to cut down the large oak tree. This was quite possibly the first mistake of its kind west of the Mississippi. "In the meantime, University classes began at 7:40 a.m. on April 14, 1841, with negative hours beginning at noon April 13, 1841. "And, on the northeast of Jesse Hall and on the east side of Fran- assault proceeding by way of Sixth Street, a great source of comfort to University students in these troubled times." We walked on around campus. I was still on the back roll. The droll continued, "In the block- wide area separating the East and West Campii, as upperclassmen are fond of putting it, is the Univer- sity library, constructed in 1914, forming a link between the cam- pii, which up until that time had never known each other existed. Both segments found that despite many differences, they had some- thing in common, as both were west of the Mississippi." The part I liked was coming up. I listened more intently. The guide began again, "South of the main campuses lie the last impor- Himself Campus Guide From Page 21 tant group of buildings that we will discuss. They are Johnston Hall, residence hall for 318 fresh- men women, and across the street, Rockwall Gymnasium, for - peo- ple, pay attention. I said, across the street from Johnston, is Rock - people, we've already passed Johnst - the tour is headed this way, peop-stop - remember the six majestic Ionic - people, will you come back so we can." I was right. Everyone had the same idea. The guide mumbled as we were almost out of sight, "Shucks, And just when I was getting to the part about the $13,600,000 Medical Center." Letters to the Editors A rather healthy gal we know fainted the other day. Took six men to carry her out. Two astern and two abreast. ROTC Student: "I haven't a pen- cil or paper for the exam." Sergeant: "What would you think of a soldier who went into battle without a gun or ammunition?" Student: "I'd think he was an officer." "We want a girl to sell kisses at the bazaar. Have you had any experience?" "I went to Stephens." "You're hired." The moon was yellow, The lane was bright; She turned to me In the winter night And gave a hint With every glance That what she craved Was true romance. I stammered, stuttered, And time went by; The moon was yellow, . . and so was I. Frosh: I just brought home a skunk. Roomie: Where ya gonna keep him? Frosh: I'm gonna tie him under the bed. Roomie: What about the smell? Frosh: He'll have to get used to it like I did. "Hey, you guys, where are you carrying that fellow? Is he drunk?" "Nope." "Sick?" "Nope." "Just a gag, huh?" "Nope." "Dizzy spells, maybe?" "Nope." "Very tired, I guess?" "Nope." "Well, what the hell is wrong with him?" "Dead." Beverage House SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 The man walked up to the bar and ordered a beer and a whiskey. He drank the beer, then to bar- tender's amazement, he unbutton- ed his coat and poured the whis- key down his lower left vest poc- ket. Immediately he ordered an- other beer and whiskey, disposed of them in the same way. This went on for several more rounds. Meanwhile the bartender's eyes were in danger of popping right out of his head. Finally he burst out: "Hey, mister, what's the idea of that?" "What's the idea of what?" mut- tered the man. "Of drinking the beer and pour- ing the whiskey in your vest-poc- ket?" "None of your damn business," the man snarled. "Well, I was just askin' out of curiosity," the bartender soothed. "Say," snapped the man sudden- ly, "you're so nosey, I have a good mind of jumping over the bar and giving you a smack on the nose." At this moment a mouse stuck its head out of the man's vest- pocket. "Yes," cried the mouse, "and that goes for your damn cat, too". A theatre usher was astonished 'to see a big brown bear sitting in the front row munching a bag of peanuts. "Hey" he whispered, "where'd you get the peanuts? I thought the machine was broken." Disconsolate Prof.: "Why did you come to college?" Frosh Co-ed: "I came to be went wid-but I ain't yet." Father, looking cautiously into living room of Pi Kappa Alpha: "Does John Smith live here?" Voice from inside: "Yeah, just lay him on the couch." And then there is the one about the coed who had to leave school because her slip was beginning to show. Pizza House "Next Time, Take the Bus" SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Diane Emmenegger's name is not the only thing about this month's pinup that will twist your tongue. Only a 17-year-old freshman from St. Louis, Diane already has had an impressive array of titles bestowed upon her including Miss Sunset Hills, Miss Silhouette and Miss Portable Radio. Blonde green-eyed Diane is 5-5 and his vital statistics of 36V2-22- 34 1/2. Majoring in dress design, Diane has had experience as a fashion model and photographer's model, and has been in several TV com- mercials. In the summer, when she has time from her modeling, Diane can be found beautifying Capri swimming pool which her father owns. Her other interests are horseback riding, singing and dancing, and you can see more of her (no pun intended) in the chorus of the student production "Bells Are Ringing." Dorm A's second pinup beauty in a row joins all the Mizzou stu- dents in saying, "Welcome Back, Alums!" * Showme's Homecoming Pinup Introducing The Public Address System THERE IS ALWAYS THE PROBLEM OF PEOPLE IN THE EARLY LAB SECTIONS CHEATING themselves out of a grade by giving all the answers to the later sections. EACH YEAR, since WE GRADE on the curve, THE LATER SECTIONS finish WITH A HIGHER LAB SCORE. If I were in an early section, I would GIVE OUT ALL THE WRONG ANSWERS TO PEOPLE ASKING FAVORS, SO that my grade would go that much higher on the scale. So study and don't TRUST ANYBODY. REMEMBER Im YOUR ONLY FRIEND. SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 27 "The Best Music at Max's" "Paw me." Showme's Certainly I'll elope with you Dahling!- Within the city limits of course. "Sonofagun! Jack Blurch! We never expected to see YOU again." "Well, son, I guess you're glad to be home and away from that old college." Best Welcome Back Alpha Delta Pi 507 Burnham 3-7405 Alpha Epsilon Phi 805 Richmond 3-6257 Alpha Gamma Delta 508 Rollins 3-6432 Chi Omega 406 Burnham 3-3156 Delta Delta Delta 901 Richmond 3-7302 Delta Gamma 900 Providence 3-4305 Gamma Phi Beta 808 Richmond 3-4402 Kappa Kappa Gamma 512 E. Rollins 3-7301 30 Sigma Delta Tau 924 Providence 3-5417 Zeta Tau Alpha 507 Kentucky 2-6909 Acacia 506 E. Rollins 3-6327 Alpha Gamma Rho 602 College 3-7267 Kappa Alpha 1301 University 2-1144 'Good Eatin' at Max's" Lambda Chi Alpha 503 Kentucky 3-6364 Phi Delta Theta 101 Burnham 2-9642 Phi Gamma Delta 704 College 3-7495 SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Phi Kappa Psi 809 S. Providence 3-8481 Phi Kappa Theta 601 E. Rollins 3-6445 Pi Kappa Alpha 916 Providence 2-1138 Sigma Alpha Epsilon 24 E. Stewart Road 3-4303 Sigma Alpha Mu 608 Rollins 3-4175 Sigma Chi 500 College 3-6698 Tau Kappa Epsilon 808 S. Providence 3-5450 Theta Xi 816 Virginia 3-7891 Zeta Beta Tau 915 Richmond 3-5475 Sigma Nu 620 College 3-6602 Sigma Phi Epsilon 509 Kentucky 3-8429 Farmhouse 827 Virginia 3-6292 Alpha Gamma Sigma 806 Virginia 3-3328 Alpha Tau Omega 909 Richmond 3-3391 Beta Theta Pi 520 College 3-8479 Delta Chi 1415 University 3-5488 Delta Sigma Phi 1304 Bass 3-5983 Greek Alums SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Sig Nu: "How are you this ev- ening, honey?" Chi Omega: "All right, but lone- ly." Sig Nu: "Good and lonely." Chi Omega: "No, just lonely." Sig Nu: "I'll be right over." Kappa Alpha: "Honey, ah loves yo' bathin' suit! Susie: "Sho' nuff?" Kappa Alpha: "Man, it sho' does!" Lady (to streetcar conductor): "Will I get a shock if I put my foot on the track?" Conductor: "No, lady, not unless you put your foot on the trolley wire." Sorority girls, most pleasing Will soon start wheezing and sneezing Cold weather is rough They're finding it tough- To show off their pins without freezing! A Roommate's Psalm "A scapegoat is my roommate; I shall not want another like him. He maketh me to lie down on the edge of the bed all night; he get- teth into my hair. He gripeth my soul; he leadeth me into the paths of boredom with his ancient jokes. "Yet though I pay my part of the rent, I fear much disturbance, for thou art with me; thy snoring and thy bragging discomforteth me. Our cook prepareth a table for me in his presence, and he gob- bleth up all the food; he anointest his head with my oil; my anger runneth over. Surely to goodness, if this dumb cluck follows me all the college days of my life, I shall dwell in the nuthouse forever." Johnny: Daddy, the little girl across the street and I are going to get married." Daddy: That's quite a step to take, son. What are you going to use for money? Johnny: Her daddy built a play- house and we're going to live in that. Besides that, her big sister goes to Stephens. Daddy: Well, that's taking care of the housing and financial prob- lems. But what about children? Have you thought about that? Johnny: Yes, her and I have talked it over. If she lays any eggs we're going to step on them. The cannibal's daughter liked the boys best when they were stewed. "Yes, Sparky, It Looks Like A Quick Kick" Showme Contributions "Of course, you realize it isn't University approved." SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Wife: "Goodness, George, this is not our baby. This is the wrong carriage. Hubby: "Shut up. This is a bet- ter carriage." And then there was the lawyer who sat up all night, trying to break the widow's will. Gamma Phi: "I'm just not my- self tonight." Fiji: "Then maybe we can have a good time." In a British Hospital: "'Ullo, Alf." "'Ullo, Bill." "Come to die?" "Nope, yesterdie:" "Stranger, I'm going to have to ask you to apologize for that." Sudden Service KFRU Radio Sink or SIN SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 - Rate Your Mate - How does your roommate stack up with the other guys and or gals in your dorm or house? Are you entitled to gripe about him (her) at bull sessions? You'll know if you use this handy chart to rate your mate. Add points in right-hand column if your roomate: Points 1. Can get you a sharp date 10 2. Buys intellectual periodicals (Playboy, Mad, Time, etc.) 5 3. Buys SHOWME 20 4. Keeps a neat room 5 5. Keeps his half of the room as messy as yours 15 6. Is a late sleeper 2 7. Snores minus 3 8. Has insomnia or sleepwalks minus 5 9. Keeps a supply of Coke and candy handy 5 10. Helps you with homework 10 11. Has a car 18 12. Has a car but makes you pay for gas 5 13. Can't fit into your clothes 7 14. Owns clothes you can wear 15 Rate your mate as follows: Over 100-perfect roommate 80-100-don't gripe - he's probably better than you 40-80-gripe behind his back 10-40-try the Mental Hygiene Clinc. They should be able to help one of you. minus 3-10-things could be worse below-they should be this bad. You could find a better roommate in Greenwich village. 34 SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 "Black Label Beer 20c at Max's" A grammar school teacher, after explaining to her class that the word "frugal" meant "saving" asked that all the pupils use the word in a story. Several moments later, a little girl proudly handed in the following: "Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who got lost in the forest. A handsome prince rode by on a white horse one day and when the princess saw him she cried: "Oh please! Frugal me!" So he frugaled her and they got mar- ried and lived happily ever after." Joe: Your girl is spoiled, isn't she? Jim: No, that's just the perfume she's wearing. Two people happened to be walking along a road together. One was a young woman, the other a handsome farmer lad. The farm- er lad was carrying a large kettle on his back, holding a chicken in one hand, a cane in the other and leading a goat. They came to a dark ravine. Said She: "I'm afraid to walk here with you. You might try to kiss me." Said He: "How could I with all these things to carry?" Said She: "Well, you might stick the cane in the ground, tie the goat to it, and put the chicken under the kettle." Sally: "Does the train stop at San Francisco?" Conductor: "Well, lady, if it doesn't, there's going to be one hell of a splash." There was a young fellow named Sid, Who kissed a young girl on the eyelid. She said to the lad, "Your aim's pretty bad. You should practice awhile." So he did. In San Francisco, a tugboat com- mitted suicide when it found out that its mother was a tramp and its father was a ferry. "That's the guy I'm laying for," muttered the hen as the farmer walked by. SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 "This is Just the Thing for Your One-man War Against Crime" CONTRIBUTOR'S PAGE This is Sandy Overbey, founder of the Small Society to Abolish the Columns and Build a Parking Lot, member of the Association to Stamp Out Cliches, oh, and inci- dentally, dedicated Cartoon Editor of Showme. (that is the name of the publication you are now pe- rusing.) Sandy - his full name is Wil- liam Wallace Ian Overbey - hails from Shenandoah, Iowa, but says his family are "just transplanted Missourians. I was born in War- rensburg, Mo." He describes him- self as "a sophomore of sorts, and I probably will be for two or three years." Sandy is aiming for an advertis- ing career after graduation from J School. He is the fourth genera- tion of journalists in his family. He studied for five years at the Kriwi School of Fine Art in Shen- andoah. His language background includes "a smattering of Russian, Spanish, Latin, French, and a little very little, English." "If there is one thing I can't stand, it's a bigot or a person of the opposite extreme, one who joins every cause, the banner car- rier. I am a non-joiner for this rea- son," he says. On cartoonists: "A good cartoon- ist must have an acute sensitivity to his environment so he can de- rive comic situations, he must have perseverance, and innate talent." On talent: "But I think one needs much more peserverance than talent. Talent is something people who don't have the guts to stick to it, attribute to the ones who do." On his cultural enjoyments: "Four of us sometimes spend Sun- day afternoons playing bridge, lis- tening to classical music, and get- ting drunk on brandy. The Triple B, we call it - Bach, Brandy, and Bridge." And Sandy grinned. He grins a lot. Showme's red headed art direc- tor and creator of Mo Mule, Joe Jahraus (accented on second syl- lable which rhymes with "house") is probably the only art director around who, as soon as he was born, (twenty-four years ago in Eldora, Iowa) was made an hon- orary member of the National Hay Fever Club. "It's like," explains Joe, "my parents met at the Na- tional Hay Fever Club in Duluth, Minnesota. So, when I was born, I was made a member, too." The only odd thing is that Joe doesn't get hay fever. A sophomore PiKA, Joe now calls Pacific, Missouri, his home. Before coming to Mizzou he work- ed and went to night school at Washington U. His favorites include "girls, and Falstaff, and girls, and ham and beans, and girls, and sleeping and S. . I guess I'm in enough hot water for now." The Ray Conniff concert was a thrilling thing for Joe. He says on that: "I broke out in goose pim- ples all over during his music, but I enjoyed the track meet during the intermission even more." He classes Bob Scobie's Frisco Jazz Band, Bobby Hackett, and Sam- my Gardner (at the Tiger Den in St. Louis) as his other favorite music makers. Joe winds up with: "I'm always smiling. Ha! Get out of here, peo- ple, BEFORE I THROW AN INK BOTTLE AT YOU!" Such a friendly fellow, that Joe. SHOWME, NOVEMBER, 1960 Co-editors Marion Ellis and Dale Allen and staff artist Bob Ritenour view the full-color repli- ca of the October SHOWME's cover painted on the wall of the J-School hangout, the Bengal Shop. SHOWME regrets that all Columbia won't get to see the "masterpiece" as the Bengal has now closed - for what reason we do not know . . . could it be money? 36 "Lowest Beer Prices at Max's" U.S. Air Force Salem Cigarettes