When There Were Knives I Dreamed of It

Abstract

This thesis, When There Were Knives I Dreamed of It, is a collection of poems and prose in three parts. It is prefaced with a long-form poem comprised of 11 parts, which is intended to establish the tone for the work that follows. The first section, “Girlbody: A Christening with Thorns,” explores subjects of girlhood, gender and sexuality, and violence. The poems and nonfiction essays of the first section move from schooldays into young adulthood, focusing on traumas of the body. “Losing Form: Boy & Crushed Ice,” the second section of the collection, recenters subjects introduced in the first section around issues of addiction. The second section focuses primarily on the speaker’s familial relationships, specifically the relationship she has with one of her brothers. The third and final section, “Drawn, then Cauterized: An Un-Naming,” turns outward toward relationships cultivated in adulthood, while also reflecting on issues of the body. The collection concludes with a second long-form poem in sections that is meant to echo subjects that surface throughout the entire collection.

In summary, the pieces included in this thesis explore girlhood, gender and sexuality, religion, addiction, relationships, community, and loss in what might generally be regarded as vignettes. More than anything, the work of this collection stiches together images and fragments of memory as a lens, if not for understanding, then for observing the ways in which trauma impacts collective facets of society and culture.